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Phil pulled his suitcase through the front door and kicked it closed behind him. The moment he was inside, he dropped the suitcase and closed his eyes, breathing in the familiar scent of home. It had been over two months since he’d smelled it. Beside him, Dan sighed and dropped his head onto Phil’s shoulder.
“We’re home.” Dan mumbled against Phil’s sweatshirt.
“Back in the phouse.” Phil chuckled.
Dan hummed. “I don’t know about you, but I desperately want to go to bed.”
“Yes please.” Phil groaned. He glanced down at the suitcases on the floor.
Dan seemed to read his mind. “Deal with it tomorrow?”
“Yes please!” Phil repeated. He kicked his shoes off and left them in the middle of the hallway, knowing he’d regret it in the morning, but too tired to care. He shuffled into their bedroom, grateful that he didn’t have to walk up stairs, unlike the last two times he’d gotten home from tour.
Phil changed into joggers and an oversized t-shirt he must have had since 2018 and collapsed into bed. He pulled the covers up tight around him. London felt awfully cold compared to the Australian summer. Phil let himself sink into the thick mattress and soft sheets. Sleeping in his own bed was probably one of the things he missed most. Hotel beds weren’t exactly known for being comfortable. Plus, they just weren’t home.
Dan finished changing too and laid down on his side of the bed. Phil immediately scooted closer, seeking Dan’s soft warmth. “We did it, Dan.” Phil whispered. “We finished the first three legs of tour.”
“We did.” Dan hummed.
Phil closed his eyes and let that sink in. 49 shows, dozens of cities, thousands of people’s lives touched. A deep pride washed over him, cresting in his heart like a wave. “I’m proud of us.” He nuzzled closer to Dan. He couldn’t wait until Dan smelled like their home again, rather than whatever shampoo he’d grabbed most recently at the convenience store.
Dan leaned forward and pressed his lips to Phil’s, soft and warm and comforting. “Me too.” Dan murmured. “Every time we meet some of our audience, like see them in person and hear their stories, I’m reminded of how much impact we’ve had. We’ve changed lives just by being silly on the internet.”
“It’s not just being silly on the internet, Dan.” Phil nudged Dan’s rib. “It’s being welcoming, inclusive. Calling all the people who never felt like they fit in and telling them they’re loved. Connecting them with each other and giving them all something to love in return.” Dan sniffled, eyes watery but lips smiling. “Plus,” Phil continued, “I don’t think this whole ‘changed lives’ is only about the fans. Parasocial goes both ways, you know.”
“Hmm true.” Dan smiled.
They both fell silent for a moment, lost in their own thoughts. Phil thought of the thousands of people he’d hugged, all the people who said ‘you saved my life,’ ‘I met my best friend because of you,’ ‘I feel comfortable being myself because you showed me it was okay.’ All the people in the audience who cheered and held up hand hearts and laughed until they almost cried. The people who gave each other bracelets and danced together to the preshow playlist and exchanged social medias to keep in touch. He didn’t think he would ever stop being amazed by how he and Dan could impact so many people.
Phil was glad they still had more shows in January. He wasn’t ready for this to be over for good yet. However, he was extremely ready for a break. Tomorrow morning he could sleep as long as he liked. He could get dressed in something that didn’t come out of a suitcase and he could have his favourite coffee again in his own kitchen. He and Dan would probably spend most of tomorrow curled up together on the blue couch watching movies and eating their favourite snacks. Maybe they’d even order some mince pies, since it was almost Christmas.
As soon as Phil had the thought, he had to suggest it to Dan. “Mmm yes, let's definitely order mince pies.” Dan agreed. “We haven’t had any yet this year. I’ve missed them.”
“I can’t wait for Christmas.” Phil said. “I haven’t seen my family in ages.”
“We can regale them with stories from the tour.” Dan grinned. “I’m sure your mum wants to hear about all the strangest preshow questions we got.”
“I’m sure she does not!” Phil laughed, thinking of some of the weirdest examples. “I am looking forward to our cosy Christmas trip to the Isle, though.”
“Me too.” Dan answered. “I’m glad we get a couple days to rest here first though.”
“Same. I’m absolutely exhausted.” Phil said.
“You ready to sleep then?” Dan asked.
Phil sighed contentedly. “Definitely.” Dan turned off the light and Phil closed his eyes to appreciate the dark, familiar silence of their bedroom. He laid his head on Dan’s shoulder and Dan dropped a kiss on his forehead. Suddenly a thought occurred to Phil.
“Hey, Dan?” Phil asked. Dan hummed in acknowledgement. “I don’t feel like I missed you as much on this tour. You know how we talked about during Introverts that we were together practically all the time, but still missed each other because we weren’t able to act the way we normally would? I didn’t feel that this time.”
Dan blinked, considering Phil’s words. “Now that you mention it, I didn’t either. I guess that’s just another effect of us coming out. Not hiding from other people means we can feel more connected to everyone. Including each other.”
Phil gave a relieved chuckle. “I really like that effect.” He snuggled impossibly closer to Dan, wanting every point of warm contact possible.
“I love you.” Dan whispered. “I couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone else.”
Phil looked up to see Dan’s face. Even in the dark, Dan’s eyes sparkled as they met Phil’s. “I love you too. And I would never want to do this with anyone else either. Half the fun is experiencing everything with you.” Phil leaned up to kiss Dan again. It was gentle and intimate, and felt like pure love.
“G’night, Phil.” Dan whispered as they pulled away.
“Night, Dan.” Phil echoed, letting his eyes slip close as he drifted off to sleep.