Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Tell me, O Fearless Leader.”

The voice startled Tav out of her nightly maintenance of her armor, and she cursed her lack of awareness, even in the relative safety of their camp. The owner of the voice, however, quickly set her at ease.

“How did a Githyanki of all creatures become a cleric of Selûne anyway?”

Tav let out a brief huff of amusement after taking a moment to digest the random question from Shadowheart, who neatly settled down at her side, eyes curious and just a bit mocking. The tension between them had eased somewhat in light of several revelations. The main one being that though Tav was a devoted cleric to Selûne, as long as Shadowheart withheld her sharper words from being directed at the moonlit goddess, Tav had little care that Shadowheart’s own devotions were for Selûne’s darker sister, Shar. As a Githyanki, the rivalry of gods mattered little to her, devotion or no.

“I think you will find the answer to be far less interesting that you perhaps are expecting.”

“Indulge me.” Shadowheart nudged Tav’s shoulder with her own, a glint of a smirk at the corner of her mouth.

“That would seem to be about half of what I do these days,” Tav retorted. “But fine. Look up.” The expanse of stars and moon stretched out above them. Tav never tired of the sight, even from so low down as this rocky body she found herself unwillingly inhabiting. “What do you see?”

“The moon of your moonwitch,” Shadowheart drawled.

It was Tav’s turn to shove her with a growl.

“Alright, alright. The stars, the moon. The dark sky - is there something I’m supposed to be seeing? I could use a hint.”

“My creche is up there, in the Tears of Selûne. Creche K’liir.”

Shadowheart’s hand gripped her wrist in a tight hold, stopping Tav in her tracks. “Wait. You grew up in Lae’zel's creche? Why have you never mentioned this? Does Lae’zel know?”

“Lae’zel likely has little to no memory of my presence in her creche. She would have been quite young when I left, just begun a warrior’s training. But you did not come here to ask after Lae’zel. You asked how I found Selûne.”

“So I did.” Scratch came up then, interrupting their conversation to beg for pets that Shadowheart delightedly gave, enamored with the animal in a way Tav didn’t quite understand. Though Scratch’s eagerness to please and be praised was interesting. Only when Scratch had settled at Shadowheart’s side, tongue lolling out as he panted happily, did the conversation resume.

“The Gith know enough of your gods, even if we do not often hold to them. To most Githyanki, Vlaakith is the only true god they will ever know. But knowledge is valued amongst our people, and scholarship is encouraged between a warrior’s training, even if some subjects are more taboo than others. Creche K’liir is buried within the asteroids that make up the Tears of Selûne, among the stars and moon, and it is beautiful,” Tav said wistfully.

Shadowheart was peering at her, eyes softening. “You miss it.”

“Every day,” Tav acknowledged. “I would sneak away from the creche during sleeping hours to while away the nights staring at the stars. At the moon. To a child’s mind, what was a faceless Godqueen to the celestial beings in front of them? Vlaakith mattered little to me. I was drawn to the magic and the beauty of the night like nothing else. Even as I proceeded through my training, Selûne began to speak to me and teach me her ways - her delights. I was eager to absorb any knowledge she would impart.

“I soon showed a talent for healing as well as killing, and my jhe’stil, my teacher, assigned me to the training of a gish and ghustil. None of my creche questioned from whom my powers were gifted, for what divinity but that of Vlaakith could a Githyanki’s magic come from? I kept Selûne a secret from all, and I did my duty. When I had completed my training, I was a blooded warrior and a healer, one to be respected above many others, if not quite the kith’rak Lae’zel so longs to be. I was sent on my final assignment to prove my worth, to kill a ghaik, and that is when I took my chance. I did kill the ghaik - I hate them as much as any of my kin - but I did not bring its head to my queen. I disappeared, deserted my post, seeking out Selûne wherever she could be found.”

There was silence for a moment, as Shadowheart mulled over Tav’s story. Tav fiddled with her armor, cleaning a spot she’d already made glisten. She had never told her story to anyone. Tav kept her distance from the denizens of the Material Plane, knowing of their distrust of the Gith. And to be known to any kin she might come across would almost certainly mean pursuit and likely death. She had surely been made hshar’lak in the wake of her desertion, to be hunted and killed on sight by any loyal Gith. That Lae’zel did not recognize her face was a blessing. Tav had replaced her creche-given name soon after abandoning it.

“Well, you are a bloody liar, for one thing, Tavinder.”

Tav bristled, immediately insulted that Shadowheart would presume that she would ever be anything less than entirely factual. “You dare -”

Shadowheart cut her off before Tav could get too worked up. “That is one of the more fascinating stories I have learned recently, and we travel with the oddest bunch I’ve ever come across. You think that is boring? I’d hate to learn what you find an interesting tale.”

Tav grinned a predator’s grin, ire forgotten. “It involves a red dragon, a githzerai, and lots of blood.”

The other cleric shuddered. “Of course it does. You githyanki are all insane little psychopaths, healers included.” Strangely, the caustic words almost sounded - fond, now. A change from the first tension-filled weeks of travel, with Shadowheart finding any chance she could to provoke Lae’zel or Tav. Often successfully with Lae’zel, less so with Tav. 

“Does that satisfy your curiosity?” Tav asked.

“Almost. I have one more question.”

“Very well. Ask it.”

The grin that broke across Shadowheart’s face made even Tav slightly uneasy. “You said you left K’liir when Lae’zel was young. Much younger than you. And that she’d just begun her warrior training.”

“As you say,” Tav agreed.

“Lae’zel mentioned during one of her fanfares on the glory of the Githyanki that a warrior begins their training at the age of six, yes?”

“True.” Tav wasn’t sure she liked where this was going.

“How long ago did you leave your creche?” Shadowheart asked idly.

Oh, this could get Tav into so much trouble. “I am not certain it is wise for me to give you this information. It would make my continued safety not a guarantee.”

“You act like I would use it for evil purposes.” Shadowheart put on an affronted face, but Tav could see the continuing amusement and surety that she would get her way. 

“Of that, I have no doubt.” Tav sighed. She couldn’t help it. Besides, Lae’zel could stand to lighten up. She wasn’t in the creche anymore and would have to learn that someday. There was much more to the universe and all the realms than just the Astral. There was much to learn. Tav was still unlearning bad habits even after all these years. “I left Creche K’liir fifteen of your years ago,” she admitted.

Shadowheart’s eyes lit up. “Then that means - Lae’zel is -”

“Just over twenty years, yes.”

Delight crossed Shadowheart’s features. “Oh, this is -”

“When you inevitably torture her with this, do not drag me into it,” Tav commanded. “I quite like my head where it is.”

Shadowheart clambered to her feet, Scratch scrambling to join her, barking excitedly as he picked up on her emotions. “I am going to have so much fun with this. My gratitude for this gift, Tav.” She bent to press a quick, thoughtless kiss to Tav’s forehead before dashing over to Karlach, leaving Tav stunned.

“Oh. I am in trouble,” she muttered, staring after the other cleric. She tossed a glance toward Lae’zel’s tent, finding her younger kin already staring suspiciously at Shadowheart from across the camp. “In more ways than one. Selûne save me.”

Her only answer was a quiet chuckle on the wind.

Chapter Text

Shadowheart smiled slightly as Tav wandered over to her tent, though her eyes remained wary. “Well, look who’s come to darken my door this morning. I see you made a stop at Lae’zel’s tent first. Should I be concerned?”

Tav shot her a tired look. “If you two are going to continue to interrupt my rest by trying to kill one another, then yes. I believe there may be cause for concern,” she snapped only a little. She truly was exhausted. There was enough drama between Gale and his orb problem, Halsin following them around out of the blue, saying they had to go to cursed lands, and Astarion picking at Wyll constantly. The last thing she needed was for Shadowheart and Lae’zel to be even more at each other’s throats than just their general bickering and malcontent with one another. Karlach was the only one who seemed to get along with everyone, and even she was getting sick of the infighting. Like a lost - puppy - that was it. Wyll had told her about those.

“If she can control herself and not stab me in the back for the artifact, then I will as well.”

Anger surged through Tav at her - not friend, something else. They were not together. They had shared one night of wine and a short kiss. That was all. They were not anything, and yet - they were something. But - “You were the coward last night, not her! An is’tark!” Shadowheart’s eyes narrowed, and she opened her mouth to protest, but Tav was not done. “You went to kill a sleeping comrade, no matter that our circumstances dictate that we work together. Did you really assume that after witnessing your argument last evening, the remaining members of our party would believe that Lae’zel just so happened to be suddenly transforming, when no one else had? And when they did not, then what would you do? The others look to me - for reasons I do not fully understand, they have deemed me kith’rak of this troop. They would have expected me to decide what punishment would fall upon the woman I have - kissed - who had then slain my kin. You would put that on me?”

The force of Tav’s anger halted Shadowheart’s own righteous fury in its tracks. Tav generally maintained an air of mild calm - at least outside of battle. During battle, she was as fierce as Lae’zel, though less loud. To have upset Tav enough to bring her to shout was something new that no one in their party had yet experienced. Even Astarion going in for a nibble in her sleep had only caused a quiet reprimand before she’d allowed him to briefly feed from her. Even her own attack on Lae’zel last night had been met with calm words and a level head. Tav was as reasonable as they came, shockingly so for a Githyanki. To have upset her so greatly set Shadowheart ill at ease.

“I - I’m - I’m sorry.” Shadowheart’s shoulders fell and she looked down, feeling just a bit of shame. “I didn’t think about any of that. I only thought about my mission. To get the artifact to Baldur’s Gate. I couldn’t let anything get in my way. I’m sorry I almost put you in that situation. Truly.”

“Have I done anything to lead you to believe that I am standing in the way of your mission? You still hold the artifact. I have not judged your beliefs or desires that you claim many of this mortal realm would hunt or shun you for. What more do you desire for me to do to prove that I support you the same as I do all the rest? I will hold no favor for anyone over any other. Do not force me to, Shadowheart,” Tav warned.

“Not even just a little bit?” Shadowheart tried, the corner of her mouth quirking up in a shaky tease. 

Tav sighed, the anger seeping from her as suddenly as it came. It was exhausting to continue it, especially when no harm had truly come to either woman. Lae’zel even seemed to respect Shadowheart more for her devious methods, to some degree. Though Tav was sure she had imagined gutting Shadowheart a dozen different ways since last night. “Perhaps only a little. Though I would think your goddess would have some issue with a step forward in our relationship. Is this not so?”

Shadowheart just shrugged, looking nonchalant. Tav could see the glint of worry in her eyes though, and perhaps just the tiniest bit of rebellion, but it was gone before she could be sure. “Who knows? Maybe My Lady is eager to see me corrupt you. I imagine she’d be rather keen to have one of Selûne’s chosen turn to the darkness.”

“I am not a…what is this phrase Astarion uses for Wyll? How do you say - a … goody-two-shoes - a she’lak - as you seem to think all Selûnite’s are, Shadowheart. I am a blooded Githyanki gish. We know the time and place for ruthlessness. And I may be Selûne’s cleric, but I am, above all, Selûne’s warrior,” Tav reminded her. “I have seen your Lady’s dark, just as I have seen Selûne’s light. Selûne knows that I am not her typical cleric. Does your Shar know that as well?”

Whatever reply Shadowheart might have made was cut off by a bright flash of purple. “Ah!” Shadowheart grabbed her glowing hand, eyes clenched in pain. “It hurts!” she hissed, knees buckling. Tav caught her, hating Shar in a way she hadn’t before.

It was one thing to know a bloody rivalry existed between two gods. Tav understood Selûne and Shar’s relationship on an intellectual level. They were twins of opposite domains, sworn to oppose each other in all ways for all eternity. That mattered little to a Gith child that only loved the stars and moon. A child that had heard the words of a goddess and seen only light in the dark. 

To watch a goddess punish their supposed chosen for so minor a transgression as to be nonexistent made Tav feel rage she had rarely indulged in. She had never seen the purpose of such anger. Tav understood it now, and had a direction for it to be aimed. To be so petty was beneath any goddess, particularly one of such fearsome reputation. May your allies only ever know the agony of my silver, she silently cursed Shar.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Shadowheart panted. She caught her balance, stumbling once before managing to straighten. “Thank you. That one was - longer than normal. I have upset her. I must pray for forgiveness.”

“You did nothing against Shar’s teachings,” Tav growled. “You know this. I know this.” A sad smile was all she got in answer. “Shadowheart.” She grabbed her by the wrist when the other cleric went to turn away. “You have done nothing to deserve her ire.”

Shadowheart gently loosened Tav’s grasp. “I embraced that which was not loss,” she murmured. “I must pray.”

She left Tav standing alone in front of her tent, wondering how everything could have collapsed so quickly.

Chapter Text

“You should talk to her,” Shadowheart murmured in Tav’s ear, nodding her head over at Lae’zel.

“I am not certain what she requires is a talk.”

“Well then beat each other up or something. You’re a Gith - you like that sort of thing too, don’t you? Doesn’t violence come natural to all of you?” Shadowheart teased, the jab much more lighthearted than it would have been a few days ago.

Tav rolled her eyes before deciding to leave the campfire to cautiously approach the storming Lae’zel, not entirely looking forward to the conversation that they did indeed need to have. What her kin was going through, well - Tav hadn’t exactly been through it, though the end result was the same. Tav had never felt the blind, utter loyalty and fanaticism for Vlaakith that the vast majority of her kin felt - that Lae’zel had felt. When she had abandoned her mission, it had been no great loss.

“If you keep going like this, you might make Karlach cry from anxiety, and I think even you do not wish to see that, kin,” she murmured. 

Lae’zel hissed, barely glancing in Tav’s direction. “They dare name me hshar’lak?! I - destined for the silver sword, sworn to tear down my queen’s foes, who would see the final end to the Grand Design? Me?”

“You exposed a weakness,” Tav reminded her mildly. Lae’zel just growled and kept up her rapid pacing at the cliff edge. “I suppose we exposed a weakness, true,” Tav corrected herself. “Vlaakith would never stand for that, you know this. Our people do not allow for doubt.”

“It was not weakness that I exposed! It was a lie! It was corruption! That ghustil, that Inquisitor, none deserve the title, and yet it is I that am cast out?! It is you? My life’s ambition, my destiny, ripped from me! Tsk’va!”

Tav waited through more expletives and yelling, aimed at Vlaakith, Lae’zel, Toril itself, before Lae’zel seemed to finally start to calm down. She needed to be riled up in the right direction, that she may actually start to learn where her loyalties deserved to lie. Or at the very least, where they didn’t. “Have you finished this tantrum kainyank? Are you a child still, to demand the world carve a path for you simply because you desire it so?” Strong hands shoved her backward, nearly causing Tav to stumble and fall to the ground. Lae’zel glared at her, and if she’d been carrying her sword still, Tav had no doubt it would be aimed at her throat. Granted, she probably deserved that one. 

“Chk. You are unnaturally calm in the wake of this loss,” Lae’zel accused her, eyes narrowing. “You are hshar’lak now, the same as me. Are you not also adrift without Vlaakith’s will to follow? Can you not feel the emptiness inside you, without your power - your magic?”

The corner of Tav’s mouth lifted into a slight, pitying smirk, though she kept her tone neutral as best she could. “My magic is perfectly adequate, though I thank you for your concern.”

“How can this be so? Where does the source of your magic come from, if not from our queen?”

“Your queen,” Tav corrected. “Vlaakith has not held my loyalty in many years. And never once has she earned my loyalty, as I highly doubt she ever earned yours.”

Lae’zel shook her head as if she could ward off what Tav was saying. “It is not for her to earn, kin. It is demanded, it is owed. I ask again, if Vlaakith does not command your love, your fear, to whom do you give your life?”

“To a goddess that does not demand my life in return for her favor. To beauty, to the night, to the moon. Selûne. Only in Selûne do I find light.”

“Tsk’va, you follow a false goddess?” Lae’zel spit.

Rage finally overcame Tav, and she grabbed Lae’zel by the plate armor, taking her to the dirt in a clatter of metal. Before Lae’zel could gather her senses and retaliate, the tip of a dagger pressed against her throat. “I will give you the same warning I gave Shadowheart,” Tav growled in her ear, voice low. “I will tolerate much insult and questioning of my worth. I will ignore everyone questioning my leadership when I did not wish to lead this group in the first place. I will allow everyone their own worship and opinion.” The dagger pressed deeper, drawing a single drop of blood from Lae’zel’s neck. “I will allow all of this. I will not stand for the mockery of my goddess. I am gish, I am warrior. I have drawn the same blood as you, Lae’zel of Creche K’liir, and still more. Do not presume to be wiser than your betters, child.”

“...Yes, jhe’stil,” Lae’zel murmured, eyes low in deference.

Tav sheathed her sword and held out a hand for Lae’zel in an offering of peace. After a brief hesitation, her kin grabbed it. “I have been hshar’lak far longer than just this evening, Lae’zel,” Tav continued, voice calm once more. “This is no new burden to me, though it is one I gladly took on and have never once regretted.”

“Your name. Tavinder. It is not Githyanki. I have never questioned the unusual quality of your title, but I do so now. What is your true name, kin?”

Well, that was it, wasn’t it? The one question part of Tav had hoped Lae’zel would never think to ask. The other part of her knew that it was too much to believe her kin would never be curious. Lae’zel wasn’t one to hold her tongue. But Tav had never once revealed herself or her name. Not even to inhabitants of Toril she randomly encountered. To speak of it was to invite scrutiny from Vlaakith and her far-reaching power and influence. But if she was to be hshar’lak twice over, perhaps it could be spoken aloud. Just once. It had been over a decade since she had even said her own name. “I was once known as Gid’eon - of Creche K’liir.”

Lae’zel let out a startled hiss and took a step back. “This is a title I know,” she murmured, eyes narrowed in thought. “A title from our lessons back in K’liir, of how even our gish and ghustill are not immune to failure. You abandoned your mission!”

Tav pushed her again and kicked her legs out from under her, sending Lae’zel to the ground once more with a clang. “That hardly seems like the most relevant takeaway from today’s revelations,” Tav bit back. “Were you not listening? Ta’ski - use your mind, Lae’zel! Forget your loyalty for one moment and think! If you had been as observant of a possible battlefield as you normally are, you would have seen the way that squad acted while we entered the Prism. They had orders to slay us upon our exit, no matter if we had killed the Dream Guardian. Vlaakith holds no honor. She would have slain a most loyal warrior today, merely for the crime of questioning. Was that deserved, kin?”

“Vlaakith is - she is -” Lae’zel struggled with her words in a way she rarely did. She let out a primal scream of rage before going limp in the dirt.

“And what of Kith’rak Voss’ words tonight?” Tav continued mercilessly. She’d put the clues together finally. She still didn’t know what part the Dream Guardian played, but Voss would only fight for one person. “If Orpheus yet lives, then he is your true heir, is he not? Mother Gith’s son - not a traitor, but betrayed. That would make Vlaakith a mere pretender to the throne. A usurper. I have no care for succession and loyalty to the Githyanki throne, Lae’zel. I am Gith, yes, and I serve Selûne as her warrior when most Selûnites follow a gentler path. I know war intimately. I did not abandon my mission, as was claimed. I killed the dirty ghaik, I spat on their corpse. And then I made my own way in this life, as you must do. There are other paths to take than blind obedience, Lae’zel. You are intelligent, and strong, and you have the ambition to become one of the Githyanki’s greatest kith’raks in memory. But only if you are wise. If you can find the truth within all the falsehoods. My truth need not be yours. Only you can decide that.”

Tav left Lae’zel lying on the ground to consider her options at the edge of the cliff and returned to the light of the fire, collapsing onto her bedroll with a groan, utterly exhausted from the day. It wasn’t every day a Githyanki managed to get themselves declared hshar’lak a second time. In fact, Tav was pretty sure she was first to ever accomplish that specific feat. 

“See, you did end up beating each other bloody with your sticks,” Shadowheart teased from across the campfire. “I knew it was a Gith thing.”

Tav huffed in amusement. “I think you will find that I did all of the beating,” she pointed out.

“Yes, it did look like Lae’zel was being a bit stubborn, but what else is new?” Shadowheart rolled her eyes, but it was less antagonistic toward Lae’zel than it had been even the day before. Sympathy glinted in her eyes, and perhaps a mite of understanding. 

Tav caught it and made a note of it, a seed of hope worming its way into her heart. It was yet too soon for Shadowheart, but perhaps not too late. With Lae’zel taking a first step onto a different path, maybe it would soon be time for Shadowheart to follow.

Tav could only pray that Selûne would watch out for her lost child.

Chapter Text

“What are you doing?”

Shadowheart startled at Tav’s sudden confrontational tone. “I’m sorry?”

“What are you doing?”

“I - don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not doing anything.”

Tav crossed her arms, gaze unflinching and expression stony. “Yes, you are,” she insisted. Her tone was still neutral but demanded answers. “Ever since we have come down here,” she gestured at the lava surrounding them. The duergar encampment within Shar’s old temple was stiflingly hot. “You have been acting - strangely.”

Shadowheart shook her head. “Whatever you think you’re seeing, I assure you. I’m the same as I have always been.”

She didn’t want to be questioned further, Tav could tell. But she knew that she was right. They hadn’t spoken on anything of consequence in recent weeks. Tav was now almost certain Shadowheart would rather forget the moment on the cliffs they had shared, but despite their distinct lack of close interactions of late, she could still see the differences in Shadowheart’s behavior. The coldness that had recently settled in. 

“You wanted the child spared in the Grove. Arabella.”

Shadowheart’s face went on a journey of confusion. “...What?”

“You spoil the animals, Scratch and the owlbear - when we are at rest in camp.”

Shadowheart cast her gaze around as if looking for a clue at what Tav could possibly be getting at. “Tav, are you alright? Did Nere hit you in the head or something?”

“You approve of the times that I have shown blatant kindness. You are much like Gale, in that way. My kin does not always see this as a boon, though I have found a kind word can often get me further than intimidation in this realm. You understand this as well.”

“Tav -”

“So then why,” Tav interrupted her, “did you scoff when I showed a moment of compassion for the dead gnomes? Would you have approved more if I had angered the whole camp and killed the ones disposing of the bodies, or perhaps if I rather took it upon myself and kicked them into the water instead?”

The other cleric shrugged. “Do what you like. I merely found it distasteful to be praying to Selûne in a temple formerly dedicated to Shar, that’s all,” Shadowheart said, trying to act nonchalant.

“I thought that it was clear between us that as long as you kept a civil tongue about Selûne while I was within earshot, I would maintain my neutrality on your own worship. Have I ever ridiculed your deity? Shown disgust at your chosen religion, as you have often done with mine?”

If it had been Lae’zel, Tav could have just fought with her until a victor emerged proud and bloody. Sometimes she missed her kin’s ways more than anything else. Everyone on Toril required so much more delicacy. 

“Not that it should matter to you, but I was not praying. I do not make a habit of calling upon Selûne when an outcome is already certain, as it was for those dead slaves. I was paying my respects for lives lost needlessly.”

“Why, though? They were dead long before we could have done anything. Your people keep slaves - they used to be slaves, long ago. Why do you care so much about those ones? A stronger person might have broken free of their enslavement, to live another day.”

“Do not condemn all those enslaved to weakness of strength or will, Shadowheart,” Tav warned. “We are all one step from slavery - our group more than most. Or have you forgotten the beastly worm within our heads? It is not weakness that makes a slave. It is cruelty that makes an owner.”

Shadowheart dropped her gaze, silently conceding the argument. Tav took a deep breath, steadying herself and banishing her anger and frustration. She had said her piece. It was up to Shadowheart to decide where they went next.

When no further words were forthcoming, Tav sighed and made her way to her bedroll to settle in for the night. While the rest of their motley group had wasted no time collected bits and things that they enjoyed, including tents, Tav much preferred the open sky and constellations overhead, when they could be found. The animals’ insistent cuddling on cooler nights provided enough warmth to be sufficient for comfort and Tav found she noticed their absence when they had to be left behind for safety. 

Tav was just finally starting to relax and drift towards sleep when a presence quietly made itself known at her side. Tension filled her, then drained away just as quickly when Tav realized who it must be.

“I’m sorry,” Shadowheart murmured. “I feel like I say that a lot to you, and perhaps it’s starting to lose its meaning. But I am sincere.”

Keeping her breathing even, Tav waited to see if Shadowheart had more to say. The other cleric didn’t disappoint.

“It’s just -” she sighed. “Down here, I can feel her. And everything I’ve wanted is what the dead down here had before it was all lost. Strangers in her temple, where her most sacred rituals were held, it is blasphemy. I want them gone from here.”

“I desire that also, even if it is for a different reason,” Tav replied, not turning to look at Shadowheart. “Even if many of our reasons have differed, lately.” Perhaps that was what Shadowheart was beginning to realize, and why she had pulled away from her. “You opposed me, although our goals remain aligned on the same path.” Perhaps their differences were too great to overcome. 

The sight of the Nightfall feast remnants still sickened Tav in a way that had surprised her. She came from a culture where children were encouraged to cull the weak, and while she found the practice wasteful and unnecessary, it served more of a purpose than the hunting down of a stranger and their wholesale slaughter merely to appease and honor a goddess. Deaths of her clutchmates were not celebrated - were merely a way of being for Githyanki. Tav had chosen a different path when she gave her loyalty and life to Selûne, but she still understood why the Githyanki were so callous. 

The Nightfall feast was senseless waste. Sharrans did not even seek out followers of Selûne for their ritual. Any innocent would do. Selûne railed against the very notion, her fury a muted fire within Tav’s chest. As far from the surface, the night sky, and Selûne’s influence as she was, Tav could still almost feel her. 

“I know,” Shadowheart agreed in a subdued tone, pulling Tav from her thoughts yet again. “I wanted to tell you that I am with you. I won’t let this distract me.”

Distraction wasn’t what concerned Tav. She gave Shadowheart a grunt of assent, and sensed the other cleric’s presence leaving her side to make her way to her own bedroll. Nothing had been resolved beyond the re-establishment of an uneasy peace.

It felt as though time was running out for Shadowheart - for both of them. Beyond the ticking clock the worms within their brain still felt like, it seemed like Shadowheart was willfully running down a path that would lead to not only her own destruction, but Tav’s as well. Or perhaps Selûne’s. Tav just wished she could see the end of the path, so she would know how to diverge from it. 

She still hoped that Shadowheart could be pulled from Shar’s influence, but as their journey continued, Shar seemed more and more often thrust in front of them. Unavoidable. Shar had chosen Shadowheart for something - was guiding Shadowheart to an inevitable end. Only time would tell if Shadowheart was strong enough to break free on her own, or be willing to reach out a hand for aid. 

Tav would gladly give it, if only she asked.

Chapter Text

“My Lady protects me, I can feel her!”

Shadowheart hadn’t sounded so delighted in weeks, and Tav hated that it was because of Shar. A spiteful part of her, one that was winning out more and more lately as this journey wore on, wanted to snap at Shadowheart about the lies of her chosen goddess. 

Tav had tried to make a peace offering down in the Underdark after their last argument, handing Shadowheart the idol of Shar she had found in the Grymforge. The other cleric had nearly spat on it, demanding to know what her game was and how a Selûnite bearing gifts could be little more than a trick. 

‘Just accept the gift and kiss me like you hate me.’ Tav still didn’t know what had come over her - to say something like that. 

Their relationship was so hot and cold. The look of…almost disgust on Shadowheart’s face had been jarring, but she had acquiesced quickly enough. ‘Easily done. How am I ever going to explain this in my prayers?’

Their second kiss was far less gentle, less tentative, than the first they had shared. Uncaring of the audience pointedly and deliberately looking anywhere but at the two of them, Shadowheart had grabbed the back of Tav’s neck and pulled her in roughly. Tav gave back as good as she got, and was pretty sure she wasn’t the only one to end up with a bitten lip by the end of it.

That one embrace hadn’t solved a damn thing. Tav really just felt more conflicted than ever before. Shadowheart was attractive, yes. Beautiful, as she’d said in the past. She was sometimes sweet, although just as ready with an acerbic wit when the situation arose. Honestly, Shadowheart would be sweet right up until she seemed to remember she was a Sharran, and would turn cold for days at a time, as she had in the Grymforge, until their group managed to thaw her out again.

In those warmer moments, she sometimes spoke to Tav in a way that gave her so much hope. Of second guessing her desires to be a Dark Justiciar, and that perhaps she should simply be content with her lot. She’d even once called herself blessed enough just to have Tav at her side. How could Tav do anything but hope? 

And then came these shadow cursed lands. Tav could feel Shar’s sickly presence bearing down on her. The darkness closed in around all of them, but seemed to centralize on herself and Shadowheart, to opposite effect. Tav felt ripped from her goddess’ embrace for the second time in a span of weeks, while Shadowheart reveled in the closeness of her own deity.

“She loves me. She must do.”

Tav growled to herself, stiffening her limbs against the weight of the curse and staying in the light emanating from their various weapons. “Yes,” she bit out. “Your mistress rewards you with survival against her own corrupt powers. What a loving goddess she must be.”

Shadowheart’s eyes narrowed, her face settling into a frown. “You know nothing of Shar, Tav, and I’d suggest you keep a civil tongue while in her lands.”

So she could insult Selûne to her heart’s content but the first time Tav breaks her neutral stance on Shar, suddenly she’s the hypocrite. “This is not love,” Tav repeated.

“Cling to your torches and memories of moonlight then, if you like,” Shadowheart sneered. “See how long you last without me. The darkness is the truth, Selûnite. In the end, there will only be endless black, and those Lady Shar has embraced.”

Oh, so she was back to being ‘Selûnite’ now. Noted. “I do not see Shar’s blessing extending to any of the group besides yourself, no matter your claim. It would appear the rest of us must merely muddle on.”

The appearance of Harpers and an ambush by shadowed undead kept the argument from escalating further, and Tav vented her frustrations on the creatures. She heaved and grunted with effort, burying her glowing mace in the shadows until it embedded in something solid and caught. Shadowheart followed the hit with a radiant bolt of her own. If nothing else, they still fought well together.

Meeting Jaheira at the Last Light Inn had been an - experience - after the day they’d had. Even Tav had heard of this hero in stories around Toril, but she did not appreciate the cold welcome.

‘Just this once, I wish people would simply say hello’. 

Tav was exhausted. She was tired of distrust at every new turn.  She was sick of leading a group of people that often didn’t seem to want to be led, sick of every dead end with no cure in sight. Sick of fighting with Shadowheart every new step.

She would give anything to feel Selûne’s presence within her once more, but the goddess had recoiled from the curse, only partially returning once they were within the bounds of the inn. Even then, she was aloof in a way Tav hated. She might not have been the praying and ritual sort, but she was accustomed to a much closer relationship with her goddess than the distance now forced upon them. 

Isobel was like a cooling balm to her soul. To be able to even just say Selûne’s name and not be met with either vitriol or simply casual indifference was a blessing. And the protection surrounding the inn was impressive. This Isobel was a powerful cleric, to call Selûne so strongly even through the curse. Shadowheart even mostly behaved in her presence, only sniping at them once after a punishment from Shar for receiving Selûne’s blessing, at which Isobel immediately shot an insult of some sort back. Tav wasn’t clear on what a ‘terrier’ was, but by the look on Shadowheart’s face, she wasn’t pleased with the comparison.

“Find me, later,” Isobel requested with a gentle hand on Tav’s arm, heedless of the carnage surrounding them after the Flaming Fist True Soul’s sudden attack and defeat. “Something tells me you have been needing to commune with Selûne. I would enjoy the company.”

“It has been - difficult - to find the opportunity,” Tav admitted. “I would very much like that. I thank you.”

“Polite, too,” Isobel said approvingly. “Very gallant. Reminds me of -” A sharp look of pain crossed her face, a desperate yearning immediately pushed aside. “Never mind. I shall see you this evening for prayer. I’ll look forward to it.”

--

It wasn’t until after completing a deal with the Harper quartermaster that Tav next spoke with Shadowheart. She’d been tense ever since meeting Isobel, not that Tav was surprised, given the obvious presence of Selûne in this place, as light a touch as it was with the surrounding curse. Shadowheart was as uncomfortable here as Tav was out in those darkened lands. 

“You have something on your mind,” Tav said casually as they made their way back into the inn.

“I don't know what you mean,” Shadowheart denied, just as nonchalant. 

Tav could see through both their acts, and doubtless Shadowheart could as well. She could also play the waiting game. For as much as Sharrans were about the hunt and interrogation, Shadowheart showed very little patience when she wanted to know something from Tav. Tav could outlast her any day, and she wasn't currently inclined to be forthcoming on her own.

“Are you going to take Isobel up on her offer?” Shadowheart finally blurted out.

Ah. Was that distrust Tav could hear in her tone, or something else? “I see no reason why I should not,” she replied calmly. “We share a goddess, and she is unburdened by this worm in our heads. I could use the counsel.”

“I don't trust her.”

“It would appear you do not trust anyone, our group included,” Tav said mildly. 

“That's not fair.”

Tav finally looked back at Shadowheart, noting the look of confusion and conflict in her expression. She had a difficult time placing the exact emotion on her face. It was one Tav was unfamiliar with. “Is it not?”

“You didn't see how she looked at you,” Shadowheart protested. “I don't trust that she doesn't have some ulterior motive.”

“Do you now object to every one of my actions?” Tav asked, growing impatient when Shadowheart didn't proffer more. “Must I seek your permission to pray? Or perhaps you would prefer it if I partook in your evening rituals.”

“No, that's not what I -” Shadowheart cut herself off with a frustrated sigh. “Do what you like. I’m going to see if those kids have scrounged up any good wine.”

--

“I'm glad you decided to come,” Isobel greeted her as Tav made her way onto the moonlit balcony.

Tav's eyes were irrevocably drawn to the image of the moon overhead, drinking it in, real or not. After the journey through the Underdark and now surrounded by this shadow curse, the lack of starlight was stifling and oppressive. Tav felt like she was suffocating the longer she went without true night sky. “I appreciate the offer,” she said, eyes still on the moon. “I must warn you though: I am not the most devout in my prayers. When I pray at all, that is.”

“I will admit, a Gith cleric of Selûne isn’t quite what I expected, but I can feel Our Lady’s presence all around you. She loves you very well indeed,” Isobel said warmly. “When did she first speak to you?”

“I was near eight of your years when I first heard her, though I have been fascinated by her stars and moon since my memories began.”

Surprise flitted across Isobel's face before it was banished with a smile. “Young indeed, for one not raised in her temple. I was also quite young, though my parents were both devoted followers of Selûne, and I only ever wished to follow in their path.”

“I feel that I should confess that I do have a motive beyond prayer here tonight.” Tav always felt it best to get everything out in the open immediately. She had little patience for subterfuge.

“Oh? You haven't changed your mind about giving me to Ketheric Thorm, have you?” Isobel joked.

Tav's lips quirked up into a half smile. “Nothing of the sort, I assure you. You have seen the company I am keeping.”

“Ah yes. Your little Sharran.” There was humor in Isobel's eyes, Tav could see that much. Perhaps a bit of wariness, but an overall ease that told Tav the other cleric wasn’t too threatened by Shadowheart’s presence.

“Shadowheart is…difficult…to understand,” Tav admitted. “We had reached a truce, an agreement of neutrality in our opposing religions for the sake of survival. This changed over days into a sort of friendship and in the next few weeks, we -” Tav cut herself off, cheeks growing just a bit warm. 

A knowing look glinted in Isobel's eyes. “A bit of a torn romance, then?” she surmised. Tav nodded once stiffly. “And it is causing problems now.”

Part of Tav wanted to leap to Shadowheart’s defense, no matter their recent friction. “She has no memory other than a short period prior to being abducted by mind flayers. In truth, she is often very dissimilar to Sharrans I have encountered in my travels of this realm. She has an innate kindness that she will let out when she thinks no one is watching - a softness for children and the animals. She is often gentle with me - a blooded warrior of the Gith - a behavior I am unfamiliar with, as a whole. It is only recently that circumstances have - changed, and I believe this curse is the impetus for most of it. I find myself at a loss. I am certain that is exceedingly pleasing to Shar,” Tav muttered. She didn't make a habit of talking this much, but she'd been holding back her frustrations for days and it all came spilling out at once.

Isobel just gazed at her for a long minute, eyes shrewd and assessing. Long enough for Tav to chafe under the inspection. feeling like she was back in her days of the creche. “Do you believe she can be turned from her current path?” Isobel eventually asked, cutting right to the chase.

“I have suspicions of her past, events I have no proof of and dare not name,” Tav confessed. “If I had enough time, yes. I believe so. I do not believe she is naturally Sharran. But she is still too close to her goddess for me to voice this belief. It would send her running straight into Shar’s arms. But with these cursed lands…I feel that I am quickly running out of time.”

“If Shadowheart can be saved, most of the work will depend on her. All you can do, if you are determined to be with her through this trial and see her out the other end, is be available should she ask for aid. Do you plan to stay with her, no matter the outcome?” Isobel inquired, curious and carefully without judgment. 

Tav shrugged. “I have sworn myself to all of them, to see us through this. And Shadowheart has become - important to me. She is zhak vo'n'ash duj, the ‘source of my bruises’. The only one, in our culture, I would allow close,” she revealed. “I will stay with Shadowheart until she chooses Shar that final time. After…I will have little choice in the matter. Shadowheart will leave me.”

“Well, then. I think you have your answer. Now come. There is still moonlight left to pray by, and I will show you the evening ritual performed at our local temple here a hundred years ago,” Isobel offered kindly. “It has been a long time since I have had the company.”

--

“It occurs to me, dear Shadowheart,” Tav could hear Gale begin in an idle tone as she made her way down the stairs from Isobel's room. She paused her footsteps, hoping this wasn’t about to turn into an argument that she would have to break up. She was utterly done with the arguing. Especially the ones she had found herself partaking in. “Since we met, your focus has always been so far off, on such a distant, lofty goal,” Gale continued. “But I can’t help but notice that lately…your gaze has shifted to something much closer to home.”

Heat rushed through Tav as she realized what Gale was getting at. Really? How could he possibly think now was an appropriate time to begin teasing Shadowheart on their relationship or increasingly lack thereof? 

There was a long pause and the clink of a wine bottle being set down on a table. “Am I that obvious?” Shadowheart eventually asked, tone subdued.

Gale chuckled. “Well, I do make it a point, as a wizard, to be observant of most everything, it is true.”

“You and my kin have been distracted.” Oh, and Lae’zel was there too. Wonderful. Now this would end in blood. “You argue, and snipe, and yet you still look at each other with a - an emotion I find soft and disgusting. You should just battle it out with silver swords and resolve your differences and this - emotion - you are feeling in one fell swoop.” Every use of the word ‘emotion’ Lae’zel made sound painful coming out of her mouth.

“Didn’t know you cared, Lae’zel.” Shadowheart’s voice had shifted to mildly amused, yet equally horrified at the notion. Tav was also torn between those two feelings at the thought of Lae’zel inserting her opinion into their relationship. Her kin must be squirming at this conversation the same as she was.

“A formidable woman like yourself does herself no favours in revealing herself to be so erratic, so…uncertain,” Lae’zel said bluntly.

“Careful, Lae’zel. That almost sounded like a compliment,” Shadowheart said with dark humor.

Lae’zel scoffed. “Bah. It was not meant to be. Do what you please, then. I care not.”

“Charming,” Shadowheart drawled.

Gale jumped back in. “What our dear Lae’zel is trying to say, Shadowheart, is that we've noticed the two of you struggling, and we are concerned. For both of you.”

“Did Tav say something to you?”

“Nothing of the sort. Our leader is nothing if not tight lipped. Especially on her personal life,” Gale assured her.

Shadowheart sighed. “I feel as though I am constantly making mistakes with her,” she finally admitted. There was a forlorn note in her tone, one Tav recognized as having used with Isobel not an hour before. “She tries so hard, I can see that, and I am nothing but difficult in return. I've hurt her, but she keeps coming back, forgiving me the same way Selûne seems to do for all her followers. Shar is not so lenient. But I wish for things to be better between us.”

“Then perhaps there can be a middle ground, as Tav seems to want to find with you?” Gale suggested. “Surely there is a way, if you two care for each other, for your religions to coexist.”

“Shar would hate that.”

“All respect to Shar, but it is your life, is it not?” Gale tried. “Perhaps you try living it, Shadowheart.”

Tav crept around the side of the inn away from her group, making her way to the pair of rooms that had been donated to their cause. She set up her bedroll on the floor, leaving the beds for whichever of the girls would prefer them to the wooden floor. 

No doubt Lae’zel would join her on the ground, claiming the beds too comfortable for rest. She chuckled to herself at the thought of her younger kin and her uptight nature. She might loosen up someday, but she would fight until the day she died. Lae’zel was far more dedicated to a cause than Tav ever could be.

A knock at the door and the creak of it opening warned Tav of the newcomer she knew instinctually would be Shadowheart. “Hey,” the other cleric greeted hesitantly. “Can I come in?”

“It is your room as well,” Tav said, neither agreeing nor disagreeing.

“I didn't want to disturb if you were concentrating. Or praying,” Shadowheart tacked on as an afterthought.

Tav huffed. “I have had quite enough prayer for one night. You know I am not one for the tenets of religion, in general.”

“Yes, though you were gone quite a while this evening,” Shadowheart said, voice carefully moderated to be free of any judgment for Tav to pick up on. “Isobel one for long prayers?”

“More long talks. I sought…advice,” Tav admitted. “Isobel proved helpful. And wise.”

“Then I'm glad she was here.” As far as Tav could tell, Shadowheart sounded sincere. “I'm sorry, Tav. I'll be better.”

“I apologize for losing my patience as well,” Tav said after a long pause. “I do not like to.”

“I know. And I appear to be insistent on trying it.” A hand dropped into Tav’s vision. “Friends?”

Tav looked up into Shadowheart’s eyes, catching the hope glinting there. “Friends?” she asked pointedly. 

Shadowheart smirked. “Well. In this regard, at least.”

“Still deciding if you hate me?”

“If I say yes will you kiss me again?”

Tav tugged her down without another word. 

Chapter Text

Tav wandered over to where Shadowheart was drinking at a table alone, Gale having just left her to seek out his bed with a pained groan. Jaheira had wanted an update on their progress, which Tav found useless and frustrating given that it had only been a day since they’d usurped the moon lantern from the creature Gale called a drider and freed the faerie within. Tav didn’t even know where in all these damned shadows Moonrise Towers was supposed to be.

“You have seemed distracted, the past few days,” she said offhandedly, sliding onto the bench beside Shadowheart. It had been a very long day of getting the lay of these shadow cursed lands, as the ever present mists made the topography almost impossible to memorize. They’d had to retreat back to the inn to rest after some mangy creatures Tav had never seen before had dragged Gale all over an abandoned house with a garrotte. He’d required multiple healing spells to feel even close to normal, and Tav felt it prudent to call it a day before something else leapt out at them from the darkness.

Shadowheart had been quiet lately when they weren’t actively in battle. Contemplative. They hadn’t had an argument since reaching the Last Light and meeting Isobel, and whatever Shadowheart’s growing opinion on this curse was, she had been keeping to herself. “I know,” she murmured. “It’s this place. It’s given me much to think about. I feel like there’s something I have to do, and once I figure out what it is, and manage to do it, then I’ll have more time,” she explained, looking hopeful. “There’ll be more time for us,” she promised, as if worried Tav would leave or grow impatient.

“There is no hurry, and I do not wish to add weight to your shoulders. I just do not wish for us to drift apart again. I cannot - I do not -” Tav let out a frustrated sigh. “You are zhak vo'n'ash duj.”

“And…what's that, exactly?” 

“Source of my bruises.” Shadowheart’s face immediately fell, and Tav rushed to explain. “It is not what you think.”

Shadowheart scoffed sadly. “Sounds an awful lot like I hurt you. Which I know I have, but I've been trying not to.”

“I have not been injured by you. Confused - quite often. Zhak vo'n'ash duj, it translates literally, yes. But to my kin, it means, the one I allow close. You are near enough to cause me injury because I have let you slip through my defenses. I hold you close to me - only you.”

“That's …actually kind of beautiful, Tav,” Shadowheart murmured, expression clearing as she drew closer so she could run a hand down Tav's arm. “Poetic.”

Tav recalled the reason why she’d wanted to speak with Shadowheart in the first place that evening, other than that she always wanted to be near her, anymore. “You told me once that you thought Night orchids were beautiful, and that they were your favorite flower.”

“...I recall saying that, yes. Why?”

A quick rummage in her alchemy pouch produced a flower with midnight blue petals. “I found this - out there in the mists. I believe this meets the requirements?”

“You didn't touch that with your bare hands did you?” Shadowheart suddenly asked in a frantic tone. “It's deadly poisonous!”

Tav frowned, confused by the reaction. “I have memorized every medicinal and poisonous herb and flower native to the Sword Coast. The orchid is used for aid in superior spellcasting.” If they were her favorite flower, surely Shadowheart knew this. 

Shadowheart chuckled. “I was joking…which clearly, it's gone over your head.”

“It cannot have, as I am still holding it.”

“Never mind.” Shadowheart rolled her eyes fondly at Tav's continuing lack of knowledge on idioms and gently took the flower from Tav by the stem. “It's beautiful. Thank you.”

“It is nothing,” Tav dismissed with a smile. It was good to see Shadowheart lit up for a reason that wasn’t Shar. 

Shadowheart pressed her nose against the flower for a moment before a look of concern crossed her face. “I don’t have anything for you.”

That hadn’t even been a consideration for Tav when she found the flower in a tucked away corner of the swirling mists. “I swore I would maintain watch should we ever come across one,” she reminded Shadowheart. “It is a gift. I do not require reciprocation.”

“Still…” Gentle fingers placed under her chin drew Tav forward into a soft kiss. “Thank you, Tavinder,” Shadowheart whispered against her lips. “You listen to all of us with such care. It’s one of the things I like most about you.”

“This reciprocation is more than sufficient,” Tav muttered, leaning in for another kiss. 

Shadowheart laughed quietly for a moment, pulling just out of reach. “Eager, are we? Don’t you pride yourself on your patience, Tav?” she teased.

“Gid’eon.”

Shadowheart blinked. “I’m sorry?”

“My true title is Gid’eon, of Creche K’liir,” Tav revealed. “I took an alias when I first became h’sharlak fifteen years ago. I did not know how far Vlaakith’s reach extended, and sought to protect myself. Only My Lady still refers to me by Gid’eon, but - you should know it.”

“Gid’eon…” Shadowheart said the name slowly, testing it out. “Gid’eon. It’s a strong name. It suits you - very serious. I like it, but I think I would still like to know you as just Tav. Is that alright?”

“I also prefer Tav. As I said: only Selûne calls me Gid’eon still. Tavinder is agreeable as well. Someone I briefly travelled with after I arrived on Toril shortened the name I chose, and I have found that Tav is a preferable title for those few I travel with,” Tav explained. “It may be called with ease.”

Shadowheart smiled gently and rested her head on Tav’s shoulder, letting out a long sigh. “I chose my name as well. I don’t remember what I was called before it, or if I even had a name that wasn’t just ‘Novice’. My parents must have called me something, once, but I think I must have been quite young when I lost them. I haven’t even an inkling of a memory, as I do for some of my past.”

“We are not given names unless we survive our eighth cycle,” Tav said. “Those culled before then were burned nameless. Forgotten.”

“Did - did you ever have to, you know. Lae’zel speaks of it, at times. The culling. How it keeps your people strong. But that boy at Y’llek…he was a gentle soul, the same as I see in you sometimes. Did you have to participate?” Shadowheart asked, voice hesitant.

Tav stayed silent for a long moment, drifting back to her adolescence. “I stayed out of petty squabbles that often led to violence. I excelled in my training with weapons from the time we began at six, but I attempted to avoid attention. Even then, I knew that there was a difference between myself and the rest of my clutchmates,” Tav mused. “I was caught once, by a larger boy, on my way back into the creche after sneaking away to watch the stars. He had hatched a month or so before me, and was I believe envious of my skills. He attempted to take me by surprise.” Tav brushed a finger over the scar crossing between her nose and right eye. “He caught me with a dagger before I was aware of his presence. It was - a difficult battle, but Selûne came to my aid. I believe she is the only reason I survived. I killed him, and used the powers Selûne gifted me for the first time. My savarsh witnessed the battle, and after, I was given additional lessons to one day become a gish. Other yanki are - encouraged - to leave gish disciples alone. I was often kept apart from them from then on.”

Shadowheart reached up to run a finger down Tav’s oldest scar. “How old were you?” She asked gently.

“I had seen nearly eight of your years.”

“So small…” Shadowheart’s voice broke. “You didn't even have a name yet. Sharran ways are harsh as well, but I don’t think even I had to fight for my life before I was a teenager.”

“We know no other way,” Tav reminded her. “It has kept our people free, to a certain extent. Even I did not suspect how deep Vlaakith’s treachery may run, but I have faith one day the Githyanki will be truly free. Perhaps then no more children will perish.”

“You care for them, still,” Shadowheart realized.

Tav nodded once. “But not enough to ever return to them. I am too much changed. Selûne has been my guiding light my entire life. She is always with me, in a way none of my kin will ever comprehend. My place cannot be with them.”

“Lae’zel seems to have that task well in hand, anyways,” Shadowheart said, making Tav smirk. Yes, her younger kin was quite the determined warrior. “You said Selûne is always with you. She speaks to you? Directly?” Shadowheart wondered, sounding purely curious and for once saying the goddess’ name without a sneer on her face. 

“Often. Or,” Tav amended, “she used to. I believe that what Omeluum described as the tadpole's psychic shielding is blocking her from reaching me as she did before. I still receive feelings from her, sometimes a strong urging, but our relationship has been - handicapped.” A surge of anger at the parasite flowed through Tav at the loss, but she pushed it away. 

Shadowheart seemed to reach some kind of clarity, her eyes still searching Tav’s own. “You miss her,” she realized. 

Tav looked down, hand clenching so tightly her claws bit into her palm. “Selûne has been my closest companion my entire life. I have most often been alone in my travels, before this group formed, wandering to where Selûne directed my aid was needed. To be without her is…difficult,” Tav admitted. 

“I'm not surprised. Your relationship sounds unlike any I've heard of between a cleric and any god,” Shadowheart mused. “I'm sorry you've lost it.”

A quick glance at Shadowheart revealed nothing but sincerity in her eyes that matched her words. Tav relaxed her fists, moving to take one of Shadowheart’s hands in her own. “It has improved, as I have regained some of my lost strength,” she acknowledged. 

“I think I'd like to see you at full strength. You must've been a fearsome creature to go up against.”

Tav bared her teeth in a predatory grin. “I was.”

Chapter Text

“Not that I don’t trust your judgment, Tav, but why did we come back to Last Light instead of continuing through the mausoleum?” Shadowheart wondered as they crossed the moonlit boundary of the inn.

Tav sighed. “I need to speak with Isobel about what we found. To…clear the air, I think is how you would say it?”

Shadowheart gave her a tired but fond smile of approval. “Yes, that’s right.”

“We will spend the night here, and then resume our search for Shar’s temple in the morning. I know you are eager to discover its secrets. I believe those murals we saw have something to do with the entrance.”

“Alright.” Shadowheart began to make her way over toward where the others had clustered, but paused as Tav reached the foot of the stairs. “Tavinder. Just - be gentle with her,” she said, eyes conflicted but voice sincere. 

Tav felt a rush of some emotion run through her, and she left the stairs to press a kiss to Shadowheart’s cheek. “I shall,” she promised.

Isobel was up in her room, between rituals for strengthening the moon shield. She was pacing back and forth across the room, muttering under her breath as she flipped through a book. She startled when Tav stepped into her path, one hand flying to her staff before dropping when she recognized the figure. “Tav! You took me by surprise,” she said, strained. “To what do I owe the pleasure? It’s been a few days since your group left. I trust all is well with your cohort?”

“Dealing with the Thorm relatives,” Tav reported, eyes fixed on Isobel’s reaction. She trusted her fellow Selûnite implicitly, but any held back information could be crucial. “One spoke of the relic we have been searching for, this Nightsong, and that it was key to Ketheric’s power.”

“Well, that sounds like progress,” Isobel encouraged, gathering herself. “You’ve accomplished more in the last two weeks than we have in a year.”

But Tav wasn’t done. “Our search took us to the Thorm family mausoleum, which the Nightsong is rumored to rest beneath. Much of it was desecrated to construct altars to the god Myrkul, except for two areas. Melodia, Ketheric’s wife, was untouched. But we also found the tomb for Isobel Thorm, Ketheric’s daughter. Empty.”

Panic flitted across Isobel’s features before they settled into cool disdain. “An unfortunate coincidence,” she dismissed. “I hope never to meet the wretched man that doomed this peaceful town to rot.”

“Isobel…” Tav murmured, voice soft. She let Selûne’s silver glow cover the hand she reached out to the other cleric, reminding Isobel that they were the same. “What happened?” she asked gently.

“I - I’m not -” Isobel’s shoulders dropped as she gave up the lie. “I don’t know,” she admitted, sounding miserable. “One moment, I was at home, and the next…There was nothing. Unending darkness. When I woke up, I was in a tomb, choking on my own death,” she spat out. “My father was there, with others. But he was - different. Changed. I didn’t recognize him. And he told me -” A familiar look of pain broke across Isobel’s features as she cut herself off. “I ran. From him, from the rot inside of me, from that neverending nothingness that was my death. Selûne didn’t come for me when I died, Tav,” Isobel said in a devastated tone. “To this day, I don’t know if it was because of the manner of my death, or because of me.”

“You never asked Our Lady?”

Isobel scoffed. “I’m sure you must have noticed, but the curse makes it a little difficult for Selûne to reach out directly. These lands were already ravaged by the time I woke - I found out later it had been one hundred years since my death - and I never felt that I could leave. When I ran from my father, I ended up here, and made it a sanctuary until I could figure out what could be done. The Harpers and Jaheira stumbled upon me, and the rest, as they say, is history.”

“I have not heard Selûne since the tadpole was forced upon me,” Tav admitted. “This curse makes the loss heavier, but I have already been without her guidance for longer than I am comfortable with.”

“Frankly, at this point I’m too terrified to try,” Isobel said. “If I was abandoned by choice or by design, I’m not sure I’m strong enough to know the answer.”

Tav glanced out the balcony doors at the moonlit shield surrounding the safe haven. “Isobel, look what you have done. Selûne has not forsaken you. She has given all of this. You were lost - taken from her. I do not believe that she has abandoned you.”

“You -” Isobel hesitated, following Tav’s gaze. “That’s a good point, actually.” A part of her stance relaxed, like Isobel had been holding herself stiff against answers she didn’t want to hear and could now finally let them go. “Sometimes, in all this darkness, it’s easy to forget what light is. Thank you Tav, for reminding me. And - please. I have no right to ask this of you, but -”

Immediately seeing where Isobel was going, Tav shook her head. “It is not my secret to share, Isobel. You have my silence.”

“You’re a better woman than we all deserve, Tavinder.”

Walking into their shared room was a relief after the day Tav had had. Lae’zel and Karlach were thankfully still milling about the inn proper - Lae’zel in a drinking game with Lakrissa and Karlach hanging out with (ogling) Jaheira. It was just Shadowheart, lounging on the bed she’d claimed beside Tav’s stretch of floor, looking comfortable without her armor on. Tav settled onto her bedroll with a groan, eyes sliding up to see the other cleric already looking down at her. Shadowheart patted the bedspread next to her in invitation. “I know you just lay down, but come up here for a moment.” When Tav hesitated, Shadowheart huffed with impatience. “Just do it, Tav. One moment of respite won’t kill you. I’m not having this discussion with you while you’re on the floor.”

Tav let out a quiet chuckle and acquiesced, heaving herself onto the bed beside Shadowheart and relaxing against the wall. “Are you satisfied?” she asked, amused.

“Very,” Shadowheart confirmed as she leaned into Tav’s side with a happy hum.

“Ah. I understand. You desire to use me for your own comfort.” 

The back of Shadowheart’s hand slapped into Tav’s midsection in retaliation, forcing out a laugh. “Oh hush, I haven’t hurt you. I hope you were kinder to Isobel. Is she alright?”

“Isobel is strong. She will be,” Tav confirmed. “It seems everything Ketheric did was for the sake of his daughter. It is almost understandable, for one like Isobel.”

Shadowheart scoffed derisively. “That ‘almost’ is doing a great deal of heavy lifting, Tav. That man changes allegiances more frequently than a courtesan changes their bedsheets.” She paused for a moment, contemplative. “At least he’s proof you can turn from Shar and live to tell the tale.” Tav froze beside her and Shadowheart instantly tacked on, “Though some may not call that living,” almost as an afterthought. 

Gently, silently, not daring to voice any of her thoughts for fear of pushing Shadowheart onto the defensive, Tav reached out and simply took her hand, giving it a squeeze. After a moment, the tension in Shadowheart’s muscles relaxed again, and she sank into Tav’s side. Hope sang through Tav. Even on the cusp of potentially entering Shar’s most sacred space, Shadowheart was still straddling two paths. Tav pressed a kiss to Shadowheart’s temple and settled more comfortably into the bed, taking the other woman down with her. 

She would protect Shadowheart with her life, encourage her choices, pray to Selûne with all her being that she would guide Shadowheart back into her fold, but this woman held her heart no matter the outcome. If Shadowheart left her, Tav would be unable to follow, but she would always wait, hoping the other woman would one day look back and be able to follow the moonlight home.

Chapter Text

Tav watched Shar’s spear lower to aim at the Nightsong and everything in her world stopped for the briefest of moments. Selûne screamed out in despair, warping the realm around Tav before she was blocked from her sister’s domain. Everything shuddered back into place, and Tav was moving before she was even aware of it, throwing herself between Shadowheart and the Nightsong. Protecting the daughter of her goddess the only way she knew how. “Shadowheart. No.”

“Tav, please. I have to do this.”

“You do not. Shadowheart, I am asking - please, not this. For your sake. For me.”

The spear wavered, but stayed level with Tav’s chest. Shadowheart’s glare moved from over Tav’s shoulder to fix on her face. “If I have to step over your corpse to fulfill what Lady Shar asks of me, so be it. Your choice.” Testing those words, Tav walked forward a step so the point caught against her plate armor. Shadowheart flinched at the scraping sound, and again when her hand flared purple. The spear jerked up at the second spasm, catching Tav in the cheek. Tav didn’t balk, but Shadowheart looked at the blood on the tip of her blade in muted horror.

“I don’t like what’s happening here, Soldier,” Karlach said warily. 

Tav cut her and the others off with a wave of her hand. “Shadowheart. Look at me,” she coaxed. Green eyes caught against her ruby. “I am not asking that you do this out of the goodness of your heart. I would not make myself a hypocrite. But the Nightsong is the daughter of the goddess I love, Shadowheart. Think of all you have remembered since we met. All we have gone through and shared. You want to find Rennald. Night orchids are your favorite flower, and you cannot swim. You love animals.” Tav reached out to cup Shadowheart’s cheek, bruised and fractured from the long, drawn-out fight with Balthazar. 

She was out of magic, but Tav dug deep inside of herself for the dregs within her. She could feel Selûne’s gaze still, but faraway, as though she could no longer quite pierce the veil into the Shadowfell to watch more closely. Reluctantly, Selûne allowed the magic to well up into Tav’s hands, a touch of warning pressing against her mind. There would be consequences for this strain Tav put on her body. 

Tav let the magic run down along her arm and into Shadowheart, erasing the worst of her hurts. “Tav, stop this. You’re out of magic,” Shadowheart warned, echoing Selûne’s own reminder. The spear pulled away from Tav’s chest, who stumbled with the loss of the support. “You’re hurt; you can’t do this.”

“Hush. It is done,” Tav soothed, her chest aching so fiercely it felt like fire in her bones. “Shadowheart only you can make this decision, but you are not alone. I am right here. You know the right thing to do,” she gritted out, setting her jaw and shoving the pain away as she had been taught. “I believe in you.” She moved out from between Shadowheart and the Nightsong, praying to Selûne that Shadowheart would prove her right.

There were more words between Shadowheart and the Nightsong, but Tav didn’t hear them with the roaring in her ears. Selûne’s influence might be weak in the Shadowfell, but Tav could feel her touch against her chest, offering clarity for a few more moments as the tides began to turn. The blurriness in her vision faded for a span as Shadowheart turned and heaved Shar’s spear into the depths of the realm, then lay a hand on the Nightsong’s shoulder, freeing the aasimar from her long imprisonment.

Things seemed to move very quickly after that, or Tav was just in slow motion. She’d have to ask Gale if he’d cast a Slow spell on her. No, he wouldn’t have. A familiar hand was placed under her elbow as Shadowheart prompted her to stumble over to the portal that - perhaps the Nightsong had called? Tav wasn’t certain.

When the hand abruptly disappeared at their exit, Tav lost the battle to stay standing, falling to first her knees, then fully prostrate on the ground. “Shadow - where?” she stuttered out. The fire in her chest was turning to piercing agony. She could feel Selûne slightly better now, but while there was a muted joy Tav assumed was for her freed daughter, there was also concern her Goddess was pushing at her - both for herself and for Shadowheart.

“Shit!” Karlach yelped as Lae’zel cursed in Gith. A wholly separate fire appearing at her side told Tav that Karlach was kneeling next to her. She could hear Lae’zel drawing her sword and moving back toward the portal. “She didn’t come out of the portal with us Tav.” 

Tav dragged her hands painfully across the flagstones to get them under her, pushing against the ground in a valiant effort to get to her feet. She wouldn’t have made it more than a few centimeters if Karlach hadn’t gotten her hands around her waist and carefully straightened her out, placing her on shaky feet. “She - is still in the Shadowfell,” Tav muttered, panting, unable to catch her breath but ready to fight a goddess. If Shar had injured Shadowheart, had killed Shadowheart in retribution for her rebellion, Tav would find a way to shatter pantheons. 

“Hate to say it Soldier, but you’re not going anywhere right now.”

“Karlach, if you attempt to hinder me, I will put you in the ground permanently,” Tav snarled.

“Fool,” Lae’zel sniffed. “You are going nowhere in your state. Myself and the others will fetch the cleric. Wyll can stay with you.”

“I will not -” The argument was abruptly cut off when Shadowheart stumbled through the portal and immediately facedown into the dirt. Tav shook off Karlach and collapsed next to her. A shaking hand against her neck revealed a steady pulse, if far too quick. “Shad - Shadowheart.” Black spots were overtaking her vision. She had moments left before she lost consciousness. 

“She let me go?” Shadowheart murmured, disbelieving. “I thought - I thought she would never…” Her body was trembling.

“I have you.”

Shadowheart jolted to sitting, just in time to catch Tav as her body finally gave out, her arms buckling and sending her into a headfirst dive once more. “Tav!”

She would have said something to reassure Shadowheart, but that would require Tav being conscious.

Awareness came to her slowly, along with pain. Something was at her side, pinning her under the blankets and leaving her feeling trapped. Tav jerked her arms up, trying to free herself despite the pain screaming in her bones, until a warm, calloused hand took her own.

“Sshh, Tav, it’s fine. You’re alright,” Shadowheart whispered. 

“Wh-what?”

Tav managed to open her eyes as Shadowheart smoothed her rows of braids away from her face. She could feel that they were messy and mostly undone at the ends, a sensation against her neck that grated on her. “We’re back at Last Light Inn. It’s the same night as the Shadowfell - only been a couple hours. Everyone’s safe and preparing for an assault on Moonrise in the very early hours of the morning, and the Nightsong is scouting the surroundings of the tower,” Shadowheart reported, reassuring Tav that things were well in hand. “Lae’zel is - keeping the Harpers shockingly well-organized and calm. It’s a little bit like watching you, if I’m being honest. She’s definitely been taking notes on your leadership, and it’s - almost cute.”

Shadowheart was talking about anything that wasn’t herself. It was maddening. “You are well?” Tav grabbed her forearm gently. She just wanted Shadowheart to even look at her. The other cleric had yet to make eye contact. “Shadowheart, stop. Just - stop. Look at me, please?” Tav waited patiently until Shadowheart reluctantly let their eyes meet. “You are well?”

“I - that’s a difficult question to answer right now,” Shadowheart admitted. “I defied Shar, felt her favor retreat from me. I know that she will never deign to give me power again, and yet -” Shadowheart lifted a silver glowing hand and let the light bathe over Tav, washing away a little more of the fiery ache. “I don’t want to admit it, but I think -”

“Selûne,” Tav breathed out, reverent. 

Shadowheart shook her hands, dispelling the glow. “That is something I am choosing to not deal with until after Moonrise,” she said. “If I think about it too hard right now, I might break entirely. The Nightsong promised me answers, while you were unconscious, and I intend to get them. Until then, I can help. I will not be useless. And you.”

Tav refused to flinch away from the accusing tone. She was made of stronger stuff than that. Her insides did quake just a bit at the look in Shadowheart’s eyes though. 

“What were you thinking Tavinder?! Attempting to use magic when your reserves were out? You’re lucky the worst that happened was that you passed out. You could have burned yourself up!”

“I would point out that it was not an attempt. I succeeded.”

The other cleric actually growled at her, sounding remarkably like Lae’zel. When had they started to get friendly with one another? Lae’zel had been ready to rescue Shadowheart, unprompted, from the Shadowfell. But that was a thought for a later date, when Tav was sure Shadowheart wasn’t about to maim her.

“That is not the point, Tav! Why in the gods did Selûne even allow it? What were either of you thinking?!” Despite her words, Shadowheart’s touch was gentle as she took Tav’s hand in her own. 

Tav sighed as healing warmth washed through her once again. Shadowheart apparently still wasn’t satisfied with the state of her health. “You were in danger of losing yourself. I was attempting to bring you back without insulting Shar. The way you acted in that temple, I - I do not -” She didn’t usually have difficulty finding words. “I was afraid for you. You have become - important to me,” she confessed, “and I would not lose you before our time is done. I am far too possessive of you, I fear.”

“I’m sorry.” Shadowheart heaved a sigh, eyes sad and a little lost. “Being there, it was like - Shar was closer than she had ever been. I could feel her, stronger than I could even in the Underdark, and I stopped being able to feel anything else. And then - in the Shadowfell, everything became so jumbled. I didn’t know what to do. I knew killing the Nightsong would devastate you, and I just - I hesitated. But Shar was so loud, so tempting, it was almost like part of me was under her control. It still would have been my choice, I will take responsibility for what I almost did, but - it was almost like I wasn’t really there anymore.” 

Tav finally freed herself from the blankets and reached forward to place a hand on Shadowheart’s cheek, drawing her closer until their foreheads lightly met. Shadowheart relaxed into the hold with a sigh of relief. “When you stepped between us, that was when Shar’s influence was greatest. She wanted the both of you gone - Selûne’s two greatest warriors. The loss of you and the Nightsong would send Selûne into a rage. From what I’ve witnessed, she loves you so much, and she would pull her influence away from Toril if she lost either of you, leaving room for Shar’s darkness. I could see it all play out. And I couldn’t stand it,” she spat.

“Why not?” Tav questioned. “It used to be all you said you wanted.”

“I think you know. You’ve suspected for a long time. Ever since our tadpoles connected, you’ve had a theory. the Nightsong hasn’t told me yet, but I don’t think much of what she has to say will surprise either of us.”

Tav held her closer, pulling her into her chest. “You were lost.” A Selûnite ritual gone terribly awry. Tav had never participated, for the obvious reasons of having neither temple nor parents while she was a child, but she’d studied the religion enough to understand.

“Not lost. Taken. And made to forget,” Shadowheart practically growled. “And I will see the Mother Superior pay for what she did to me. For what her and Shar almost made me do. She wanted me to kill you.”

Tav leaned over to lay hand against Shadowheart’s cheek, wiping away the single tear she’d lost control of. “Thank you. For saving the daughter of Selûne. For saving the daughter of my goddess,” she whispered.

Shadowheart shook her head. “Don’t thank me. I didn’t do it for her. I’m not even sure I did it for me…I had almost resigned myself to losing you to become a Dark Justiciar, but the second she revealed she wanted you dead, Shar lost all loyalty I had for her.”

“Well, I do appreciate that. As much as I have been attempting to maintain my stance of neutrality around your religion, I will admit that Shar has been - what is Gale’s favorite thing to say about Astarion?”

“...Getting on your nerves?”

“That is it, yes. I have found her to be extremely tiresome, as of late.”

Shadowheart shook her head fondly. “You’re so formal, all the time,” she teased, voice soft. “It wouldn’t kill you to talk like a real person sometimes.”

“This is me talking like a real person.”

“Sure, Tav.” She pressed a kiss to Tav’s cheek. “Thank you,” she said more quietly, expression reserved. “For trusting me to see sense. For letting me work through it. You almost died today, because of me.”

“I would die for you any day.”

A hand slapped against her chest in warning. “None of that. You aren’t dying for anyone, least of all me,” Shadowheart reprimanded. 

Tav slumped back into the bed, taking Shadowheart with her. She was exhausted, and still in pain, and completely unwilling to admit it. “I will as always, indulge you,” she agreed. “I find I am helpless to say no to you.”

“Careful, or I might take advantage of that.”

“You may take advantage of me anytime.”

Shadowheart let out a delighted laugh. “Oh, you’ve been spending far too much time with Astarion. That was terrible. I love you.” They both froze at Shadowheart’s accidental words. “I - I mean - I -” She sighed, giving up on taking it back. They’d both come too close to losing the other. Shadowheart wouldn’t cheapen the sentiment by attempting to cover it up with lies. 

Finally placing a name to the emotion she’d been feeling for so long, Tav pulled together all her bravery. “Shadowheart, I do not know if I am enough to make up for your loss, but - you have me. No matter the gods.”

A soft smile broke across Shadowheart’s face, the apprehension fading. “I suppose I do, don’t I? In truth, you’ve done more to help me than my faith has in recent times, if I’m honest. There’s been this - thing between us for some time. A connection. I know I made things difficult, made your life harder than it needed to be. I recognized our connection, but I wouldn’t let myself act on it. I thought my faith was the most important thing in my life. You helped me see how I couldn’t have been more wrong.” Shadowheart sighed, sitting up so she could look Tav in the face. “I’ve squandered too much time already. I love you. I want to be with you - now and always. Do you want the same?”

“I have found the concept of love often far beyond me,” Tav mused. “My kin have little use for it, and even with Selûne’s influence, I fear I have always been still a little too Githyanki. I understood it, but did not see how to reach for it.”

“Listen, I know I had my - problems, at first, but I love who you are,” Shadowheart cut in, gaining her confidence back. “Being Gith, your culture, the religion you chose for yourself - you’re incredible. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you, Tav. You are steadfast, intelligent, you’re noble in a unique kind of way, you claim your people’s violence, but you also show Selûne’s gentleness.”

Tav held up her hand, a silent request for quiet that was obliged. “I said I ‘did not see’. This group we have formed has been very informative in all forms of love. I think Karlach alone has been enough to teach most of us the concept,” she chuckled. “I love you, Shadowheart. I have loved you for some time.”

Shadowheart’s face lit up before it turned coy. “Oh? Some time, eh? Do tell, when did you fall desperately in love with me?”

Tav pressed a kiss to her temple and blinked away the lingering tiredness. She loved when Shadowheart wanted to play. “Difficult to determine. I am not sure I could tell you an exact moment. Perhaps it was all of your arguing with me.”

Another slap against her shoulder. “Rude,” Shadowheart sniffed. “But still, that is kind of romantic, I suppose. Loving everything about a person, even their faults.”

“Seems foolishness to me, but I defer to your expertise on the matter.”

A kiss kept Tav from teasing any more. “Hush,” Shadowheart said when they parted. “And sleep. I’ve kept you awake for too long already if you’re to recover in time for an assault on Moonrise tomorrow. The people need their leader.” 

Tav scoffed at that. “Leader. I still do not understand this decision.”

“Darling, we’d have all killed one another thrice over by now if you hadn’t been in charge.”

“A fair point. That is the best argument I have heard for your choices yet.”

“Sleep, Tavinder.”

“Yes, Kith’rak.”

“Alright, now you’re just being annoying on purpose.”

Chapter Text

Every bone in her body ached, screaming at Tav for the punishment she’d put them through in the last twenty-four hours. She still wasn’t fully recovered from her over extension in the Shadowfell, and having to take the brunt of Myrkul’s wrath after Lae’zel had died to prevent him from going after the Nightsong and Shadowheart made everything so much worse. Her skin felt burnt raw from maintaining her spirit guardians for so long as well as continually calling further radiant power from her Lady, aided by Gale’s distant Hastening. 

She could barely return to her full height after prising the Netherstone from Ketheric’s pulverised body as the Nightsong marched off, victory in her stride. The Dream Guardian was an unwelcome visitor, and Tav just said whatever she thought would keep her happy and get her to leave faster. She stumbled slightly on the uneven ground, Shadowheart’s quick reflexes the only thing keeping her from collapsing entirely. “I’ve got you,” she murmured at Tav grunted in pain. “It’s alright. We’re done.”

“M’ kin? L-Lae’zel?”

“Fine. Gale got her back up with a scroll during the fight and she managed to stay up. We’re all here, Tav, it’s okay.” 

The portal Aylin had left for them dumped the party in the main hall of Moonrise, where the remaining Harpers were gathered along with Jaheira and Halsin. Aylin was conversing with one of the Harpers when Isobel came sprinting up the stone steps, bursting into the hall. She stopped stone cold when she saw the aasimar, visibly trembling even from a distance. “Ay-Aylin?” 

The sound of disbelief caught Aylin’s ears, and Tav and the rest could only watch as Aylin immediately collapsed to her knees, her helm and wings vanishing in a blink, overcome with a longing Tav could only guess the extent of and only matched by the look on Isobel’s face. “My love,” Aylin murmured, voice breathy. “You were dead…I saw your body…”

Isobel went into Aylin’s arms without hesitation, pulling Aylin’s head to rest against her midsection. “I’m here. And - and so are you,” she reassured her. “And my father…he can’t hurt us any longer.”

Tav turned away, letting them have their reunion in as much privacy as could be allowed when surrounded by so many people. Shadowheart would wish to speak to them later, and frankly, so did she. She yearned for the connection that surely had been restored between Selûne and her daughter and Isobel, but it could wait. They deserved this time, after so long apart. She glanced over at Shadowheart, and found the other cleric already gazing at her, eyes soft with emotion. “You are well?” Tav asked quietly for only them to hear.

If anything, Shadowheart’s expression grew only fonder. “Of course. Let’s get you out of here. You still need rest.”

Despite the continuing darkness, already the air felt lighter outside of Moonrise. Tav breathed in deep, feeling Selûne’s response just a bit stronger than before. Trailing westward, with Lae’zel and Gale tiredly marching behind, they left the darkest areas of the barely lifting curse, making it to the outer reaches of its grip before Tav could carry on no more. Lae’zel nearly collapsed the second they reached where the rest of their group had gone on ahead and made camp, the effects of her death weighing on her. Karlach nudged her onto her bedroll, and Lae’zel acquiesced to the movement with an exhausted grumble and curse. 

Shadowheart guided Tav toward her own tent, half carrying the other cleric’s weight as Tav sagged. “Almost there,” Shadowheart coaxed. Tav held it together long enough to crumple onto Shadowheart’s blankets with a groan. Shadowheart went down more gently beside her, staying on her knees to assess for any damage to Tav. “Do you need healing?” Shadowheart asked, hands already glowing silver in preparation.

Tav shook her head with a grunt. “Burnt out. Just sleep.” She’d used every spell at her disposal in any way she could think of, trying to keep pace with Myrkul’s unnatural healing. “You?” Shadowheart had been flung from the ledge by Myrkul’s scythe at least twice, falling out of Tav’s sight and making Tav feel fear she rarely had cause for.

“No. You kept him occupied for most of it, and getting knocked off that ledge freed me from whatever necrotic aura he was producing that kept healing from working. I was able to keep myself steady. I’m more worried about you - you were up there the whole time,” Shadowheart fretted. “And don’t put me off again. You are absolutely covered in blood, and Myrkul didn’t bleed. Where are you hurt?” she demanded.

It was hard for Tav to tell. Everything just hurt. She tried to convey that with a noncommittal shrug. Shadowheart quickly gave up on getting a straight answer and aimed for a more general, all encompassing spell. Tav let out a sigh of relief as some of the burning faded, revealing less daunting aches and pains underneath. Those, she could deal with. She’d had plenty of practice in the creche growing up, after all. But rarely did she have to deal with magic overuse, let alone twice in one day. 

As the world became clearer around the edges, Tav focused more closely on Shadowheart, still kneeling above her. The other cleric also looked exhausted, but with a heavy air of tension and anxiety also hanging over her. Tav reached up and placed a hand on Shadowheart’s jaw, gently drawing her attention. “How are you feeling?”

Shadowheart scoffed but didn’t pull away. “Do you really need to ask?” She shook her head, frustrated. “Sorry. Just a lot on my mind. The Shadowfell, Aylin, Selûne…I can think of little else.”

A warmth rose in her as Selûne eased a little more of the ache in her body, joy emanating from her even as she remained distant from Tav. “With good reason,” Tav murmured. “It is no coincidence that the Moonmaiden still guides your hand.”

“Yes,” Shadowheart sighed. “We’ve both made that intuitive leap. I suppose I shouldn’t be entirely shocked. I did fall for a Selûnite, after all,” she teased a little more lightheartedly.

Always with the Selûnite. Tav just rolled her eyes, amused. “Well. This Selûnite is glad to still be at your side,” she murmured, letting her hand fall away to rest on the blankets. Her eyes and body were heavy with exhaustion, and she could only tug ineffectually at Shadowheart’s greave in an effort to get her to lay down with her. Shadowheart chuckled and clambered up to wriggle out of her armor before aiding Tav with her own, leaving it in a heap in the corner to deal with later as she curled around Tav’s body. “Whatever the future holds, Selûne will provide the answers you seek, Shadowheart. And I will be by your side, whatever may come. Now and always.”

“Now and always, lover.”

Tav was alone when she woke, the blankets beside her cold and empty. She sat up with a groan, muscles aching but the worst of her injuries soothed overnight. Probably Shadowheart snuck in some extra healing after she’d fallen asleep. She hauled herself to standing with gritted determination, only to stop short when sunlight nearly blinded her as she pushed open one tent flap.

Their camp had been set up within the outer reaches of the curse, and overnight it had evidently begun to recede, leaving the land surrounding their camp healthy once more and exposed to sunlight for the first time in one hundred years. Tav blinked against the glare, so used to the unending darkness of the last few weeks. It made her eyes tear up, but she welcomed the pain. 

Selûne was the strongest presence she’d been able to feel since before the nautiloid, her joy emanating through to Tav at their increased connection. There was still no direct communication, but Tav welcomed the feeling of her goddess spreading through her once more. It gave her hope that one day she might speak to her again.

Tav took a moment to bask in Selûne’s presence, then cast her eyes around camp, looking for her missing partner. A huddle of three people caught her attention, and she slowly made her way over to where Shadowheart was deep in discussion with Aylin, Isobel observing silently from off to the side. She was still a few meters away when the sensation of Shadowheart reaching out through their tadpole connection stopped Tav in her tracks. She closed her eyes, feeling out what Shadowheart wanted from her, and followed her into the vision of Shadowheart’s past that Aylin revealed the truth of.

The brief sense of satisfaction Tav felt at being correct was quickly overwhelmed by sorrow as she realized at the same time as Shadowheart just what had been taken from her. Shadowheart had parents still, kept from her all this time. Tav could feel her heart breaking through their connection even as resolve built to rescue them from the Mother Superior’s clutches. Tav gently pulled away from the connection, allowing Shadowheart the privacy to feel her grief. She stepped around Isobel, laying a hand on her arm in greeting before making her way to Shadowheart. 

“I’ve been lied to my whole life, and been gullible enough to believe it. My parents are alive, Tav,” Shadowheart muttered, burrowing into her without the need to acknowledge that she was near. “I have to save them. I think part of me always knew that there was something more. Something Shar had denied to me,” she spat. “She stole me from them.”

“We will find them,” Tav promised. “Selûne will be there to guide you, no matter how long you have have been lost.”

Shadowheart chuckled darkly. “That may be so, but this is something I need to do myself. With you. You’ll have to forgive me if I’m a little wary of goddesses just now. I won’t deny Selûne any longer, but I’m not willing to immediately throw myself into her embrace. You’ll help me?”

“I will help you. Selûne is a patient goddess, and will always allow for those who are hers to choose their own path. She is not one to force you into dependence. When you are ready, she will be there,” Tav murmured. “I can feel her - her joy. She has ached since the moment you were stolen from her, just as surely as she has despaired at the loss of her daughter.”

“You can hear her?”

Tav shook her head, eyes cast down. “Still nothing. The feeling is perhaps stronger than before these cursed lands as I regain more of my strength, and the weight of the curse is lighter on my shoulders, but I cannot hear her voice. Aylin and Isobel, I am sure, have been reunited with her. It seems I must still wait.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It cannot be helped. I have managed this long. I still hold faith that one day I will hear her again. Until then, we must simply continue on.” Tav kissed Shadowheart gently, then nudged her back toward the tent. She was sure the other cleric needed a moment alone, either to gather her thoughts or feel her emotions privately, and Tav still needed to speak with Aylin herself. Shadowheart took the opportunity gladly, slipping away as Aylin was occupied for a moment with Isobel.

Tav crossed her arms and waited, just a little apprehension filling her as she watched the pair of Selûne’s beloved. They were so different from her, unimpeded by this parasite within her brain, with Selûne free to connect with them whenever desired. Isobel was more like a typical Selûnite cleric than Tav had ever been, and while yes, Aylin was also a soldier much the way Tav was, she was the daughter of Selûne herself. She would always have a place at her side. Tav was less certain of her future than ever, no matter what reassurance she gave Shadowheart.

Isobel realized they still had an audience after another minute, and tapped Aylin on the arm to redirect her attention. “I’ll give you two a moment,” she murmured, wandering away after a kiss to Aylin’s cheek and a hand on Tav’s shoulder.

Ayling stepped closer to Tav, eyes bright with joy and sunlight. “So this is the woman my mother loves so well!” she said gladly. “You have honor enough for divinity to run within your own veins, Gid’eon. My mother’s warrior in my absence, my sister in all but blood. It is a pleasure above all to know you, Gid’eon, of Creche K’liir.”

Tav froze, taken aback. That did answer one question - Selûne was speaking to Aylin while Tav could still hear nothing. The ache of loss within her turned into a brief stab of pain, but Tav pushed it away determinedly. She would find a way to remove this parasite, no matter the cost. “The honor is mine, Dame Aylin,” she murmured with a slight bow. “I am pleased to have been of assistance to my Lady’s child.”

“No formalities between us my friend - my sister,” Aylin proclaimed. “I have awaited your arrival this morning with great anticipation. Come closer.”

Not really one to deny the wishes of divinity, Tav hesitantly took a step forward, placing her within reach of the aasimar. Aylin laid her hands on Tav’s shoulders and took a deep breath, eyes closed. “Feel my voice rattle your bones as I declare our victory. Moonmaiden, Selûne, hear me: the Apostle of Myrkul is dead, slain by your precious chosen’s hands. Isobel is returned to me, safe within my embrace once more, and your lost child has returned to your path after a lifetime of darkness. For the first moment in a century, you have regained your chosen. Blessings upon the slayer of the wicked one!”

Tav felt the glow of Selûne on them both as she responded to Aylin’s words, aided by the strong bond between mother and daughter. “I could not have done it without you,” was all Tav could think to say.

“We are a powerful party indeed, the daughters of Selûne. Faerûn trembles at our touch!” Aylin agreed. “Oh, we are resplendent! And now my mother has brought my sword to fight at your side, where Isobel declares we shall stay. I am glad to hear it. You still have far to journey, but know this, Gid’eon of Creche K’liir: my mother is with you always. Her love for you is a shining beacon that all should behold. She has not left your side in all this time, and one day your connection will be built anew. Until then, remember that she aches to hear you the same as you do her. The Moonmaiden holds her daughters close to her heart.”

The breath snagged in Tav’s chest, almost causing her to choke. No words came to her, which Aylin seemed to understand, merely resting a heavy hand on Tav’s shoulder and briefly touching their foreheads together before she moved to return to Isobel’s side. Selûne pressed against Tav in what almost felt like agreement before she too faded away for the moment. Tav wanted to reach out for her, but was immobile, both physically and mentally. She’d known Selûne had not forgotten her, but having it confirmed by Selûne’s daughter herself had jarred Tav as much as it comforted. 

She wanted it to be night, so she could commune with the moon and constellations as she had done since she was a child. She had missed the sun while in the cursed lands, but above all she desired the moonlight. ‘My Lady,’ she eventually reached out silently in determined oath, ‘I will find my way to you once more. I shall return to your embrace, I swear it. I will be your warrior again - this parasite will not keep me from your light for much longer.’

Chapter Text

Tav had thought she couldn’t hate Shar more. It was an emotion she avoided, as a whole. Hatred had no place in Githyanki culture unless directed at ghaik. All others were merely beneath their notice. Since giving her pledge to Selûne, there had been even less cause for it. But her life these last few months had pulled the feeling from her far more than she was comfortable with, in that she was getting too comfortable with feeling it.

The hatred burned and roiled inside her like a sickness as Shar taunted Shadowheart with the revelation that she would never be free of her influence without choosing her parents’ deaths. That she would always be torn in two directions, between grief and despair. Always with loss. Always Shar’s.

Tav would have to find a way to kill a god. Between Vlaakith and the Absolute, there were two already on her list, after all. And honestly, she had room for three more with the Dead Three. Tav might even find it within herself to put Mystra on that list, if she kept insisting Gale blow himself up. 

She could do it - kill half a pantheon. Why not?

“Tav? What do I do?” Shadowheart’s eyes begged for the easy answer, to not have to make the choice between her newfound parents’ suffering or her own. For Tav to find a way to let her have both. 

“Help her understand,” Shadowheart’s father pleaded in turn.

But Tav was ever helpless to those eyes, that piercing gaze. She would do anything to see the light remain in them. She had no right to make this decision for Shadowheart, but who was she to refuse her love’s desire? After Shadowheart had suffered through so much and for so long? 

She could not.

So, without a word, Tav knelt on the bitterly cold marble floor. With too many bodies of the freshly dead near. In the sanctum of Selûne’s most bitter enemy, her own blood. To do something she rarely found the need for. 

She prayed.

‘My Lady, I have never been your greatest cleric - the best ghustil,’ Tav reached out in silence, searching mentally for that connection with her goddess that had been regaining its strength but still wasn’t quite where it used to be. Tav hadn’t attempted this, too cowardly to find out that even this would not allow her to hear Selûne’s voice. Tav yearned for it so desperately. ‘I am not holy. There is too much warrior in my veins, and too much blood on my hands for this. I know little of family and love. But I ask of you: allow Shadowheart her parents and her freedom. She deserves it. I will give anything required for this gift, only let it be of no cost to her. Your guidance, your power, my life - any of it I will offer. But please - let the sacrifice be mine and mine alone to bear.’

A brush of warmth crossed her shoulders as the world faded into mist as it had only once before: the moonlit night she pledged herself to Selûne’s care in the arena of Creche K’liir. “My Gid’eon.” The so familiar, soothing voice set Tav at ease in a way she’d been unable to reach since being forcibly taken onto the Nautiloid. Her breath caught in her chest. Her throat went tight, her eyes burned in an unfamiliar way. It had been so long since she’d heard her Lady in her ear. “My comfort in times of darkness, my greatest defender in these past one hundred years. My sole champion when all others were stolen by my sister. My precious child of starlight. Why do you think I must take from you to give to her, child mine?”

It was so hard to let go of decades of training, of beatings, of killing. Even still, fifteen years removed from it. Everything had its price. Survival had a price. And she would pay it. 

Tav should have remembered that there were no secrets kept from the gods. “Oh, my child,” Selûne murmured, a moonlit hand pressing under Tav’s chin to meet her gentle gaze. “You - who became my champion because you willed it so - you believe that I would have no place for your skill for battle? That my guiding hand has not always sent you where you were needed? I am not so delicate, Gid’eon of Creche K’liir. My daughter is the fiercest warrior Toril has seen, and you are worthy to be her compatriot, her sister in battle. My children are strong because they must be. They are gentle because they choose to be. For what greater strength is there than in choosing to be kind in a world that is harsh and unforgiving?

“You, raised in war yet choosing to be kind, you have orchestrated the return of my two chosen. It is by your hand - your leadership - I behold my golden daughter in my view once more. That Jenevelle has been returned to me, changed but unbroken.” Tav closed her eyes as a kiss was laid on her brow. “For you - my unbending champion, my moonstruck warrior - anything.”

“Tav? Tav! Gid’eon!” Shadowheart’s frantic voice broke through Tav’s trance, startling her to clarity in an instant. The second Shadowheart saw that she was aware, she threw her arms around Tav, pulling her in close. “I was so afraid I’d lost you to Shar, no matter that Aylin said you were perfectly alright.”

“What has happened?” Tav asked, a little dazed from her communion with Selûne still, but filled with joy at finally having heard her clearly once more. “We are…outside?”

They weren’t even in the city anymore. Instead, they had returned to their claimed camp area outside Rivington that they had left Wyll and Astarion at to guard a still recuperating Halsin, Yenna, Withers, and the various animals they’d picked up. 

“Good to see you awake, Soldier!” Karlach called over from where she was digging around in her tent. “Shad’s been going nuts worrying about you since yesterday. She thought you were dying for sure. Didn’t help that you started groaning a second ago.”

“Yesterday?!” Anything could have happened while she was out. Why had asking for Selûne’s divine intervention taken so long? Had their conversation really occupied that much time? What if there had been more Sharrans in the cloister? The others might have been attacked, and Tav would have been none the wiser. Would have been helpless. Useless.

And where were Shadowheart’s parents? Selûne had promised her that it would be done. “Did it work?”

Shadowheart slapped her, then yanked Tav into the kiss of her life. “You absolute - amazing, terrifying, annoying, wonderful psychopath,” she muttered fondly against Tav’s lips, giving her another hard kiss. “I can’t believe you. You saved them. You saved me.”

“Selûne deserves your praise,” Tav gasped out between kisses. “I merely did what you asked.”

“Shut up,” Shadowheart ordered, tears in her eyes and smile bright on her face. “I didn’t ask you to risk yourself for me. What if Shar had interfered in your communion? The cloister is her central place of worship. She could have sucked you in, ripped you apart, for reaching out to another god while in her sanctum.”

Tav grinned up at Shadowheart, who was still straddling her legs. “How is it that Karlach says? Ah. I would like to see her try.”

“That’s it, Tav!” Karlach cheered, bounding over to slap her on the back. “You got it!”

Tav patted Karlach’s arm affectionately before sending her back to her tent and the others - who seemed to be giving them space - so she could speak with Shadowheart. “Your parents?”

Shadowheart’s gaze softened and she glanced involuntarily to her own tent. “Resting. My father is recovering more quickly than my mother, but that is to be expected. She is - confused - but happy. She keeps calling me Jen,” Shadowheart said, blushing slightly.

“Jenevelle,” Tav murmured. “It is a beautiful name. Though I am partial to Shadowheart.”

“Me too,” Shadowheart agreed with a smile. “I think I’ll keep it. It’s fitting, don’t you think? After all, you can’t cast shadows without some light.” She bent to whisper in Tav’s ear. “And you shine so brightly, love.”

It was Tav’s turn to blush, her cheeks darkening as Shadowheart laughed freely. “Will you stay in the tent with your parents? You can also stay closer to camp more if you are needed here,” Tav offered, hastily changing the subject. “You should remain with your parents. Be a family. I can bring Astarion along with me and the rest. He is itching to finally deal with Cazador anyway.”

Fingers pinched the point of her ear and made Tav yelp. “You are not breaking into the lair of an elder vampire without me,” Shadowheart warned. “We will leave Karlach or Wyll with my parents - they are both gentle. Gale would overwhelm them, and Lae’zel…well. She’d be efficient, but I’m not sure they’d know what to make of her. Aylin will also protect them, I’m sure. Her and Isobel. If they aren’t too wrapped up in each other.” Shadowheart rolled her eyes as she complained, but her face held only fond amusement.

“I thought they had ventured to check on that Selûnite temple? I did not expect their return before our battle against the Netherbrain.”

“They flew in rather abruptly last night, with Aylin proclaiming quite loudly that her mother had given her a vision of our need. I almost threw a shoe at her. I would have if she’d disturbed you. Isobel was helpful in settling my parents, healing their wounds, I will admit. I was tapped out from our fight with Viconia and getting you stable. You spread yourself too thin, Tav,” Shadowheart reprimanded. “Again.”

“I merely - I wanted this - pointless torture to end,” Tav murmured, reaching up to cup Shadowheart’s cheek. Her love leaned into the touch, cradling Tav’s hand in her own. “Your parents wanted your freedom, you wanted your family. I merely desired for you to have both. You - your eyes - they begged for answers. I only sought to give them to you.”

Shadowheart gave her a gentle kiss. “You have become my family, Tav. I would not want it to expand at the expense of your well-being. You are my future, and I the source of your joy, remember? Please don’t risk yourself for my sake.”

“I love you with all that I am. You have taught me more than you will ever know, my joy. I will spend the entirety of my days endeavoring to be worthy of your attention.”

“You have it,” Shadowheart swore. “Until my final breath, if that will be tomorrow or a century from now, I will be by your side, love.”