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There is definitely something going on between Lee and Gaara.
Kankuro is sure of it. And he means other than the usual gay stuff. He hadn't noticed it right away. They're weird. They’ve always been weird and they always say weird shit to each other that Kankuro tries not to think too hard about, tries to completely miss really. He's happy for his baby brother getting a mans and all but the details aren't really his business.
But there's definitely something… odd with the way that they keep muttering numbers to each other, and how they keep making suspicious eye contact as if they know something no one else does. Kankuro is sure that the numbers are meaningless because they never have any application to the given situation.
Like just now for example; they have arrived in Konoha, met up with Lee as their escort, as per usual. But then the two of them do this weird staring contest. Bowlcut looking like he was chewing on his lips like he had just eaten a sour lemon, Gaara impassive as always. Kankuro isn't sure what takes them so long to just hug or whatever, they are literally dating.
He feels validated that the faces and interaction are odd when Gaara's normally flat expression cracks into a confused smile, and he knows for sure this is weird because that guy does not exactly Express himself. Even weirder, they're giggling to each other like tittering school girls without having said anything at all! And then just like that, back to normal. Lee sweeps Gaara up into a bone crushing hug that he's sure should be cracking a rib in Gaara's chest but he never complains.
Kankuro chalks it up to their usual over the top PDA until he hears it.
“51-49!” Lee says once he sets Gaara back onto the ground.
Why does that sound so familiar…
Gaara pouts, “That's not fair.” he mutters, “I haven't seen you in six months.”
“Ah, so you are out of practice. Excuses, excuses,” and Lee looks smug .
Kankuro thinks he's going to get sick with how mushy these two are already being. He always forgets how sugary sweet they are to each other in the time between visits. He's sure the older ANBU have come close to having a heart attack at their sheer audacity. Which is admittedly pretty funny.
More importantly, he has a sudden memory pop into his head, six months prior when Lee was staying at the Kazekage manor. Kankuro had tried to make himself scarce, because he was not trying to walk in on anything, but he manages to run into Gaara in the kitchen. Cooking. Which is extremely out of the ordinary. The spice level had made Kankuro's eyes water from halfway into the entryway.
“What sort of afront to Driotz are you concocting in here?” Kankuro asks, scowling as he approaches the stove.
“I’m making that spicy curry that Lee likes.”
He only stops long enough to glance into the pot and turn his nose up at it, “Is it supposed to look like that?”
Gaara does not appreciate the derision in his voice, given the way a sandy hand shoves Kankuro further down the hall.
Kankuro is only to the top of the stairs when he hears Lee enter the house, loudly and seriously proclaiming a greeting.
A dramatic gasp as Kankuro rolls his eyes, taking the steps faster. Catches the tail end right as he slams his work room door open.
“Is that-”
“I'm up by one.”
And now, again at the gates of Konohagakure? Kankuro is remembering similar exchanges that he'd brushed off but this was bizarre right?
He turns to Tamari and gives her a look like, “??? Are you seeing this shit?” but she just shrugs at him, brushing him off and turning towards her own Leaf Village Loverboy.
Kankuro wonders why he even came along, wonders if he even cares enough to pursue the thread; knowing that Lee is a weirdo with all these personal challenges and strange rules that he applies to himself. Kankuro has also unfortunately learned that Gaara matches Lee's freak in that regard. Feeds his enthusiasm and indulges him in the most Off the Wall activities that Kankuro imagines no one would believe him if he told. Actually, it reminds Kankuro of Kakashi and … speak of the devil.
The disgustingly loving couple is interrupted in their reunion, luckily before they can start sucking face in the middle of the street, when Bowlcuts’ even more enthusiastic sensei -or father, Kankuro has his speculations- screeches to a halt behind them. A trail of dust kicked up in the wake and Kakashi barely holding on to the handlebars of his wheelchair, apparently having been dragged along for the ride.
“ Hello! Gaara, my boy, I do hope your travels were kind to you!” Gai booms loudly, even drawing the attention of the two bored looking guys that checked them in.
“I’m well, Gai, Kakashi, thank you.” Gaara answers, for all his muted enthusiasm, still looking plucked to interact for once.
“Gai-sensei! I thought you were busy helping Kakashi in the Hokage building today? Ah! But I am so glad you could make it to greet Gaara!” Lee announces, matching his mentor's ridiculous amount of enthusiasm.
Kankuro wonders how Gaara tolerates being trapped into this sitcom of a family. He has an errant memory of Kiba saying something about extroverts adopting introverts against their well. Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome.
“Oh yes! We were having lunch and the timing worked out perfectly! We thought we should come check on you and Gaara's youthful rivalry!” Gai looks over conspiratorially, “You are still ahead, aren't you?”
“Yes, Gai sensei! I have just pulled ahead, although Gaara always gives me a challenge! He is truly a formidable opponent!”
A hearty laugh and Gai claps a heavy hand on Gaara’s shoulder, nearly dragging him down to collapse, “As any good rival should be!”
Kakashi's whole body seems to finally roll up into a standing position as he regains his bearings and Kankuro thanks the universe that at least Lee isn't dragging Gaara around like that. He's not exactly one for formality but even he can admit that it's a bit Unbecoming of a kage to be thrown around like a sack of potatoes, at least out in the open.
“What about you, sensei?”
“Oh-ho! I am maintaining a strong 50-50 against Kakashi still and I'm only at half strength these days!” And this makes a bit too much sense now. Of course it's some sort of rivalry thing, of course they're keeping score about challenges or whatever. It all clicks into place.
Well, mostly. What still unsettles him is that he doesn't know exactly what they're keeping track of. It's not as if they raced to the entrance of the village. Kankuro mentally slaps himself in the face. He reminds himself that he doesn't care and that he's moving on. He's got better things to worry about. His papers have been processed and he’s not needed here so he's going to find that mutt and his squad to see what they're up to. Since apparently everyone else has somewhere to be already.
It happens again later, at some training ground that everybody is excited to spar at for some reason. Gods, do these Shinobi actually do any work? Kankuro complains mentally, but he watches in mild amusement anyway. It is always fun to observe new moves and how he could beat other people and flex his new pieces a little. He even wins against Naruto, even if it was a little underhanded. He plops confidently against the fencing of the training ground to watch the next match up and he doesn’t know why he’s surprised.
Currently, standing across from each other and looking extremely serious; Gaara's arms are crossed and Lee’s thick eyebrows are turned down into an angry glare and Kankuro wonders if there's some animosity going into this fight that he should know about. A thin tendril of sand skitters up the back of Lee’s jonin vest and he startles into a loud laugh before chomping down on his lower lip, eyes wide and fiery with anger before he yells out.
“Gaara-kun! That's cheating!”
“Says who?”
Kankuro assumes he's sabotaging him for the matchup even if it technically hasn't started yet. When they do finally start the match Gaara barely uses any sand at all, just allows Lee to charge forward and focuses on sidestepping the warm-up blows that Lee sends his way. They dance around each other for a good minute, both their faces hardened in concentration. It's hard to keep track of for a second, before Gaara is leaning full body into one of the blows. He eats a punch that knocks the wind out of Kankuro just seeing it, but then he is grabbing at the wrist against his stomach and wrenching Lee's heavy ass over his head. The crowd lets out a collective ooooh as the taijutsu user is laid flat out on his back. He makes a heavy thud against the packed dirt. Dust is kicked up around him and for a second he doesn't move in his shock before he's launching himself into a standing position, jumping straight up into the air and beaming at Gaara, mouth open like he's about to go on one of his excited rambling speeches about youth and persistence-
“I'm winning.”
He doesn't even get a syllable out, just freezes at the smug look on Gaara’s face, his arms crossed again, even as he heaves to catch his breath.
Lee claps a hand over his own mouth in surprise.
“This again?” he hears Tenten grumble from further down the fence line and it clicks in his brain that he just witnessed another one of their weird competitions. And yeah seriously what is the deal with that? It definitely wasn't the fight that Gaara had just won because that certainly isn't over, as they launch into a flurry of fists, sand finally jumping up to counter the over-excited punches and kicks that Lee throws at him with full confidence.
None of my business . Kankuro reminds himself.
It keeps happening.
They're making it Kankuro's business at this point. He swears that the frequency has skyrocketed now that he's looking out for it. It's like when you learn a new word and your suddenly hearing it all the time. Kankuro wants to rip his hair out.
Lee hands Gaara a gift, some plant from a far away land that he got special from yada yada yada and by the time they're walking away again Lee is saying something about catching up and evening the score.
And again, when Kankuro walks in on them cooking in the hotel suite and Kankuro unfortunately witnesses Lee tickling at Gaara's sides and the startled giggle that escapes and he tries to bleach the whole thing from his memory when he catches Lee saying, “I am up now!”
It's impossible to avoid the constant score keeping, even if he wanted to. It’s at seemingly random intervals and Kankuro takes to avoiding the couple all together when he can because it’s actually driving him nuts. They are meant to stay in Konoha for two weeks. Two weeks of this!
What could they possibly be on about? Is it a staring contest? Some sort of fantasy sports thing?
The hotel door flies open and then slams shut. Damn Konoha doors, always so light.
“The Anbu are getting nervous.” Temari states as she flops onto the hotel couch beside Kankuro. He's fiddling with a tiny puppet that he has a few ideas for.
“About what.” He's barely listening really.
“Probably about the Kazekage whispering secret codes to his foreign lover.” she whispers it sarcastically, as if it's the most obvious conspiracy in the world.
“Oh, now you want to talk about it. You didn't really care when you had your own Loverboy to focus on.”
Temari sucks her teeth and glances to the side and then rolls her eyes over to give Kankuro an annoyed look, “As if you weren't distracted by your little puppy.”
Kankuro barely releases a coherent sound in response, face suddenly hot, a psshhhh and a scoff, “ Anyway, there's nothing to worry about. It's just that weird rivalry thing that the Hokage does with his freak of a partner.” Kankuro will not disclose how much he himself has been bothered by it.
“Duh but there's no challenge. Like what exactly are they competing for? Aren’t you a little curious?”
Ah so I'm not the only one who noticed that. “I don't know. You're the one with the Brainiac boyfriend. He didn't tell you?”
“No, actually, siblings are usually a forbidden topic when Shikamaru and I are having alone time.” She wiggles her eyebrows and cackles at Kankuro's overdramatic gagging.
“ Okay, gross, that's already too much information.”
“My point exactly.”
“So then you're nosing into our little brother's love life because? How do you know it's not a weird sex thing for them?” Gods he really, truly hopes it's not that.
Temari glares at him, an accusation, “You were curious about it first! Besides, the scores are changing right in front of us. I think we would notice if they were engaging sexually-”
“ -Can we stop talking about our brother having sex, thank you.”
“Right I'm just saying. Don't you want to figure out what they're doing? Like maybe it's a staring contest or something.”
“Mhm.” Kankro barely prompts. He is tickled that he had the same idea.
Temari is quiet for one blissful moment, it doesn't last long, though, “To be honest, I think it’s kind of cute. Our sweet kid brother has a boyfriend and they have a cute thing that they do together. I don’t know, I guess I’m happy for him and I’m feeling nosy about it.” He supposes he agrees, but you're not getting him to say it out loud.
Before Kankuro can respond, they’re both turning to look at the door, sensing the sudden flash of chakra that announces Gaara and Lee on the doorstep. They don't enter, just standing there. The siblings are silent for a minute, glancing at each other and then they squint at the door as if they can see through it before finally getting up to creep closer and eavesdrop. They can really only hear a few words since the couple is speaking so softly. It doesn’t help that they’re listening through a door but they catch the word ‘tomorrow’ and a delighted ‘really??’ from Lee, followed immediately by a gasp and an ‘oh shoot-’. More silence. The sound of shuffling feet. Kankuro looks over at Temari to see if she's gleaning anything from this but her eyes are closed, brows pinched with focus as she listens and then an unmistakable smooch sound that Kankuro wants to gag at. He may be eavesdropping but that doesn't mean he wants to witness that!
“51 in my favor.” Gaara says, sounding more pleased than when he's won approval of a new bill that he's nervous about passing.
Before they can move away from the door it's flying open, almost hitting them right in the face. They barely step out of the way but not in time for Gaara to miss them standing there. Teal and slow blinking, his eyes land on the two siblings frozen like deer in headlights. Too late to try to act natural. Through the door, Lee is already gone. He's always so fast. They never see him leave. Kankuro wonders if Gaara transported him back to his apartment with the sand Transportation Jutsu but surely he would have to go with him- he doesn't have time to think about it before Temari is blurting out “We weren’t listening! We were just…checking the door isn't broken. I slammed it too hard earlier.”
Nice save, sis.
Gaara blinks once and moves past them as if he knew they were there the whole time, “I wasn't going to ask.”
That's always made Kankuro feel weird as well. Why doesn't Gaara care that they're spying on him? He supposes he's used to the surveillance from the Anbu? It's really a pain trying to tease someone who doesn't get embarrassed. Kankuro flops back onto the couch to continue toying with the tiny contraption he had begun to put together- he thinks he’ll name it Gremlin- but Temari follows Gaara through the suite, apparently in the mood to bother both of her siblings.
“Aren't you going to stay at Lee's house? You usually sleep over there.” That, he thinks, someone else would take as pretty rude because well Gaara is the one paying for the room but he just keeps one ear at the kitchenette where Gaara begins preparing a coffee.
“No, not tonight. I have a few notes to clean up before my meeting with Kakashi in the morning and Lee is distracting.”
“ -Ugh, gross dude-” Kankuro pipes up.
Gaara pauses, “I didn't mean it like that but yes, that too. Anyways, before I forget, Lee invited you guys and whoever you want as your plus one to the barbecue house tomorrow evening. We're meeting up with Naruto, Gai and Kakashi and- I'm not really 100% sure of the whole guest list but it's a get together for dinner-”
“So you payin’?”
Gaara rolls his eyes and heads towards the office area of their Suite, arm full of scrolls, “Yes, Kankuro, I'll pay even though you have access to the same funds. Technically it's a work expense. I think any meeting with the Hokage falls under that heading.”
“Gods, when Naruto gets promoted this is going to get even worse. We're going to have to write off nights out drinking in Konoha on the Kazekage accounting paperwork.”
Gaara barely hums an acknowledgement, closing the fancy see-through door of the office and plopping into a frankly oversized desk chair.
“ And he's gone. Are you going to dinner tomorrow?” Kankuro asks as Temari plops back into her spot.
“Yeah, probably. Even though Shikamaru is going to complain about what a drag it is the whole time.”
“You know, for being the man in the relationship, he sure nags a lot.”
Temari snorts, “You're telling me,” she's got an affectionate smile on her face.
“What about you? Are you going to bring dog boy and his team?”
“Yeah, why not? I mean Naruto's with Hinata isn't he? So he will probably be there anyway. I'll probably pop in, plus free food. Oh! and besides we could probably ask Kakashi what the hell Gaara and Lee are keeping track of.”
“Asking Kakashi does not help me think it’s not a sex thing-”
“By Xaris, STOP-”
“-I think I'm going to get Shikamaru in on it, he can observe and try to figure out what they're up to, whatever it is.”
Kankuro can barely hide his relief, “Good, I'm too pretty to be thinking this hard.”
Temari smacks him in the shoulder, “Shikamaru is pretty and smart.”
“But he'll never catch you saying that?” With a sharp crack, Gremlin shatters to pieces on the hardwood floor. Cheap wood.
Temari laughs, “He's got a big enough head as is.”
“So, tomorrow you bother Shikamaru and I bug Kakashi?” Kankuro asks.
“Done deal.” Sealed with a fist bump.
-
“Are you winning, kid?” Kankuro overhears Kakashi ask Gaara over the din and ruckus of the table, full of young Shinobi before them. He barely catches it but he tunes in enough to hear Gaara reply.
“Just barely.”
He watches in horror as this lame old man give his brother a fist bump. Gods, how is he meant to associate with these people? Visiting Konoha is like visiting the circus and Kankuro should know, he's the one dressed like the Clown! He looks over to see Temari and Shikamaru looking over as well, leaning into each other muttering quietly. Oh, good, they've probably already got a few theories, Shikamaru has more experience with weird Konohan tendencies.
Finally, Kankuro gives up and turns to Kakashi. He nudges him in the side and quietly asks, “So, what's the deal with that?”
He only recieves a confused stare in response, so he gestures vaguely at the problem at hand.
Kakashi's one eye squeezes shut into his approximation of a smile, his head tilted to the side good naturedly and he shrugs, “Oh, I have no idea.”
A moment of silence. Brain non-compliant.
“Gai hasn't told you?”
Still smiling, “He has no idea either.”
“What!” Kankuro screeches, popping his top loudly enough that everyone at the table turns to look. “What do you mean you don't know? Did you not just- what- the number thing! I thought you just asked!”
Kakashi shrugs again and doesn't acknowledge the fourteen new pairs of eyes turning to him, “I just like keeping up with the score. I don't actually know what they're competing in.”
Naruto pipes up from the rowdier side of the table, Gaara and Lee crammed into the booth right next to him. “What the hell are you guys going on about over there?” Naruto asks, eyes squinted and addressing the situation like a bull in a china shop. Gaara is looking vaguely amused by the disruption and Lee is looking just as confused as Kankuro feels. Well at least now Kankuro doesn't have to ask.
Kakashi turns to Naruto good-naturedly, “Kankuro was just curious about Gaara and Lee’s youthful rivalry~” and he says it just sarcastic enough that Kankuro can't tell if he's being facetious or not but it's too late.
Naruto is rubbing his chin, “Oh yeah! What's with all that weird number talk you guys have been doing?”
And really Kankuro is an idiot for not just asking Lee. That guy loves talking about Gaara and challenges.
Lee perks up, cheeks flushed and looks over at Gaara, smitten, as if asking for permission to talk and he barely nods his assent.
“Ah! Well it's silly really but it started quite a while ago, maybe a year or so into us being friends! Gaara was so serious looking all the time!”
Lee and Gaara share eye contact and for a second, they're both somewhere else.
“I am not bothering you, am I?” Lee asks, almost shyly. But his voice is loud as usual. His big doe eyes glance at the overgrown grass beneath them but Gaara just stares back at him, face neutral, eyes wide and expression mostly blank.
“I'm having a great time, what do you mean?” and Lee can't help but laugh at that because how is he meant to know that if Gaara looks the same hanging out with Lee as he does filling out his Kazekage applications- or maybe he enjoys that as well- Lee can't be sure. He ought to ask, but Gaara just keeps looking at him, vague confusion evident in his muted body language.
“It’s just that you don't smile very often. I don't think I’ve ever even heard you laugh before.” He doesn't mean it as an insult or anything, just an observation really.
Gaara doesn’t take it any way at all.
“I think you smile and laugh enough for the both of us.”
Lee cannot tell if that's a jab or a flirt, so, he petulantly hardens his face. He forces his facial muscles into an approximation of a grumpy cat, often something that reminds him most of Gaara.
“Well fine.” Lee's voice is odd and mangled in his attempt at a Gaara impression, “I will just be serious like you all the time.” Lee proceeds to wear the most constipated looking frown. He can't even hold it long but right as he cracks, he hears the tiniest musical huff of laughter. As if it has just slipped out. Lee can't help a gasp of surprise, Gaara himself looks surprised by it.
“Alright, then, Gaara-kun! I challenge you! The first one to laugh or smile loses!”
Gaara is silent. Then, in an act of vengeance, Gaara squints his eyes shut and sticks a thumb up.
“Dattebayo.” He says simply.
Lee falls backwards with the cackle that explodes out of him.
Lee seems to come back to himself and smiles at the rest of his friends at the dinner table.
“I told Gaara that I bet I could keep a straight face longer! I suppose it was all downhill from there! Although, Gaara was quite the tough nut to crack when we first started, I think I have worn him down over the years.”
The table is silent before a mixed chorus of ‘awwwwes’ and groans erupt across the table. Kankuro facepalms because of course it was some gay romantic bullshit of trying to make the other smile first. What kind of princess ass- you know what- he is sorry that he even got hung up on it. He looks over to see how Temari is fairing only to find Shikamaru side eyeing her smugly, as if to scream I told you so. Her face belies nothing but her eye twitches in obvious irritation and Kankuro can't help but to heave a heavy sigh because really, why had they wasted all of their time on this?
Although, he can admit his brother deserves some of that mushy, loving shit. He's built up enough karma for it. Besides, speaking of gay shit-
Kankuro has been sneaking Akamaru a piece of his beef and off to his side, Kiba gives him the biggest puppy dog eyes and so really, what can he do but grab another piece off his plate and offer it to him as well. And if he hand feeds it to him well, everybody's looking at Gaara and Lee anyway.