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Haruaki hadn’t realized when it started.
He figured it was somewhere around elementary school when the bullying started. Anytime someone sketchy began talking to him, especially the older kids, he reached for his arm. Specifically his right arm.
At first, he’d simply rub it, looking down at the ground. Then, he started scratching. Even after he was saved by Amaaki from the kids, he’d continue his scratching for the rest of the day. How weak was he that he always needed saving by his twin brother? What a weakling, so terrible. Always reliant on Amaaki.
“Haru, ya gotta stop scratchin’ yer arm…” His dad held his arm gently and inspected it carefully. There were different scars and scabs that were growing in the wake of Haruaki’s bad habit.
His eyes dropped to the ground in shame and he sighed softly. “Um… okay. I will…”
It never stopped. It never would stop. He always felt the want, the compulsive need to scratch his arm whenever things weren’t right .
Bullies and delinquents trying to shake him down, he needed to scratch his arm. Ame was mad at him or he got in trouble, he needed to scratch his arm. Anxiety after getting lost and needing to find his way back to where he used to be, he needed to–
“Now why are you doing that?”
He sharply looked at the white-haired kid who had asked him the question. Right, he was lost… he was lost in Kyoto. Lost with two kids trying to get him back on track. A bleach-haired delinquent and a pretty, white-haired boy.
“A-Ah… I just sorta do it a lot.” He shrugged. “No reason… Just happens on occasion”
The bleached delinquent scoffed. “Really? You think that’s normal? People don’t just scratch their arms and make themselves bleed.”
Haruaki looked down and saw he made a deep scratch into his arm. He slowly reached his hand over and held his finger over the wound. He scratched again, on the wound, and sucked in a tight breath. More blood came out, but he continued.
“Ah… should you be doing that?”
He looked over at the white-haired boy before pulling his hand away.
“Ah… I guess I shouldn’t.”
Soon after that, their attention was taken away by the young boy that they found that day. Taking him to get some icecream, helping him out with retrieving his tanuki plush, and getting the talisman from him.
And later that day, when he and Amaaki returned him, his parents saw the wound on his arm. After some inspecting, they cleaned it and wrapped it up. And, later that night, he heard his parents talking in hushed tones about his wound earlier.
“Haru never really kicked that habit, did he?”
“No… he didn’t…”
Haruaki hugged his arms and sighed softly. He didn’t like worrying his parents– they shouldn’t worry over him at all! He was fine! He was completely fine.
He was fine. He was fine. He was fine. He was fine .
…
When he turned 24, he finally got his first official job. And it was the job he was learning and training for a long time. He just needed to get to the school, and–
Of course.
Of course there was a goddamn catch. No principal would simply hire a guy who quit his old teaching job 30 minutes after arriving on school grounds, and hid away for a year. A man who was obsessed with sailor uniforms and was so bad at socializing with people.
…As he thought about it, he remembered how much blood he drew after he ran out of the school.
“Now, now, Abe-san, it’ll be fine. And… if you stay here, then…”
He was handed the paper bag with the incentive the principal was giving him. He was unsure what it could possibly contain and when he looked inside… wow. He’d… never actually seen this before. A whole catalogue of sailor uniforms– and he got to pick one out at the end of each month?! A sailor uniform a month ?!
Well, what else could he say?
He marched back into his classroom, determined to get through the first day of lessons… which did not go well at all. Surely the second day would be much better, right?
Well, even though he got to meet another student that was out the first day, it did not go well. Of course, there was day 3–
…
Haruaki really was waiting for something that would never happen. A good day. A good day, where he wasn’t insulted, or berated, or injured, or humilated, or subjected to the whims and decisions of obvious delinquents , but it’s not like Amaaki was there to protect him.
Jeez, he went off and away to not rely on his family, especially Amaaki, but now, what’s he doing? Wishing his twin was there to protect him again? He told himself he was old enough to deal with it himself, but it’s clear that he could not protect himself at all and never will be able to.
“Um… you seem a tad distracted. Here, what’s on your mind?”
He watched Miki sit in front of him and perked up. He gave Miki a small smile and tried waving him off.
“Ah, nothing, really. Just thinking about the various things I’m looking forward to. Ehe, you know, it’s pretty exciting. First year of teaching!”
Miki watched him, and Haruaki could tell he was unconvinced. He smiled wider before standing up, chuckling.
“Aha… I need to go back to my room.”
He started walking back, but heard Miki.
“Abe-san. If you ever have anything you wish to talk about, know that I am here to listen to you. We should be allowed to talk to each other about certain things.”
“...” Haruaki turned and flashed him once last smile before continuing to walk out.
He felt the need to scratch his arm again. He scratched his arm very hard. Very hard. He drew blood on several places on his arm, ignoring how much was dripping down his arm. And… made the mistake of passing Sano and Mame as he walked down and they turned to him.
“...Seimei.”
He stopped walking and turned to give Sano a smile. “Yes…?”
“You’re bleeding.”
He looked down at his arm. And… wow, that was a lot of blood. Like… a lot of blood. A concerning amount of blood.
“Ah, yeah… I accidentally scratched my arm on a doorway, so, I have to head back to room to get a band-aid.”
He continued his way to his room, ignoring Sano and Mame voicing their concerns. He just needed to go to his room and get a band-aid and it will all be better, it will all be fine.
“I… I’ll be fine.”
Almost a whole semester and summer… almost a whole semester and summer without him scratching his arm. Well, at least with the end result of pain .
And yet… all it took was one short god who was set to be his teacher’s assistant who was more liked to make that all crumble down.
Bleed, bleed, bleed , kept playing in his head. He dug his fingers into his skin, tearing it off of himself. Stripping away his skin, focusing on anything but that little fucking weasel who was stealing his students away from him and who was so smug–
“Seimei.”
He looked up and saw Sano sitting in front of him. With Miki and Hatanaka on either side of him. He made a small frown and looked down.
“...I’m sorry you have to see me like this.”
Hatanaka scoffed. “Haruaki, we saw you with your soul gone. Seeing you like this is hardly that bad.”
Haruaki frowned deeper. “Right…”
Sano held his hands. “Hey. Come out from there.”
Haruaki shook his head, and missed the small vein line pop up on Sano’s forehead. He was suddenly tugged from underneath the desk and pulled over to the wall.
“Listen.” Sano glared at him. “I’m gonna turn what you said to me over the summer onto you. Why do you want to be that fucking loser?”
Haruaki looked down at him. “W-Well, he’s more–”
“You’re just you!” Sano grabbed his shoulders. “It doesn’t matter what he has that you don’t in your eyes! He can bring up Akisame another 15% with stupid, ‘normal’ ways, and you can bring him up 70% with your weird methods!”
Sano’s works struck something deep in Haruaki and he suddenly wrapped his arms around Sano.
“E-Eh?!”
“...Thank you, Sano.”
“G-get off of me, you–!”
He was let go and he watched Haruaki hug Miki and Hatanaka.
“Thank you… thank you…”
They both chuckled and patted his back.
“Jeez, you can be such a mess…”
“Izuna, please. Of course we shall be here for you, Haruaki.”
He sniffled quietly and pulled away. “Ah… sorry about getting my blood on you…”
“Well, something like this doesn’t require the doctor.” Hatanaka nodded. “So, we’ll just patch you up here.”
He was sat down as the rest of his students came to visit and reassure him. And as he was patched up and talked to, he begun to realize something.
No matter how much he hurt himself, how many times he relapsed, and how many mistakes he made with his students…he could recover. And they would be there to help with it.
Haruaki had to be the luckiest person alive.