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When he was a child, Killer was never really held. It was pretty normal, in a way. He grew up surrounded by little yobbos believing the island was theirs, and he was more than once the witness of the fact that they knew how to use extreme violence.
He did not have any time for cuddling when Kid came to fetch him, looking extremely furious, to inform him that Victoria was killed and he knew who did it.
They put out to sea quickly after that and never looked back. They were pirates now, surrounded by violence, the same they grew up with. Killer got used to his new environment pretty quickly. He liked the crew, their ship was cool, and Kid seemed to have a lot of fun. Killer himself had a lot of fun, he was happy.
But something was still… Missing. He couldn't really put his finger on it. So he decided to try to ignore it, and if the only way for him to fall asleep was to hug himself for hours, that was his problem and his only.
Night always came with this uneasy crawling sensation on his back. When he was alone in his room ( being the captain’s right-hand had some advantages ), laying down in bed, he always felt so… Small. And alone. He hated this so much, but at the same time, he didn’t get what was missing.
He was happy. He was so happy…
Fortunately, the missing piece seemed to find the way home by itself.
They arrived on Sabaody. All they had to do was get the coat for the ship, and they’ll continue their journey. Kid wanted to take advantage of their few days on the archipelago to go take a look at certain things…
Including a slaves auction sale.
And… There he was. The missing piece. It all seemed clear in Killer’s mind in a second. He wanted to be held. He wanted someone to share his nights with. Kid used to tease him about the fact he’s a hopeless romantic, so it was really like himself to fall for someone who’s face he couldn’t even see clearly.
Even with his cap on, hiding half of his face, he was adorable. He was standing close to his captain, arms crossed, looking very serious. Depending on how he was moving, Killer could get a glimpse of dark hair under his cap. He was lightly chatting with a redhead at his side, wearing the same uniform as him.
They were both from Trafalgar Law’s crew. A pirate Kid never met but already couldn't stand. And there was Killer, already daydreaming about a member of the crew… Ridiculous. He should try to get a grip on himself.
An auction house for slaves was definitely not the place to meet someone. It’s not like the other man was going to notice him or anything. They’ll both go on their way and he’ll forget about him.
Turns out he was wrong, apparently, when he was about to get hit by a bullet and a spear blocked the blow.
“Hi ! Need a hand there ?”
Killer looked at the man just arriving. It was him, and his “Penguin” cap with the red pompom. He was smaller than him and had to look up to see Killer’s face. Like this, the blond could almost get a glimpse of his eyes.
“I guess it’ll be okay. Thanks for that, though.”
The man smiled. “I can’t let such a pretty blond like you get hurt, right ?” He got back to running after that, letting his captain and Killer’s fight the Marine with the Straw Hat’s captain.
Killer could feel his face heat up, so much that he wondered if smoke was going to come out of the holes in his helmet.
Apparently, he wasn’t the only one looking in the auction house.
It was the only time they spoke. They both left Sabaody quickly with their respective crews, without seeing each other again. But the small bird man was now plagging Killer’s thoughts, especially at night. The crawling sensation became even worse, and Killer could not sleep at all until he figured out wrapping himself with pillows and covers helped a little.
He felt ridiculous, needing to be held so much, and craving the presence of a man he barely even talked to, having to form a cocoon in his bed just so he could close his eyes for a few hours.
He started to work out more, hoping to get the man out of his mind and tiring himself enough to fall asleep immediately.
It never really worked. He needed to be surrounded by his pillow cocoon. He still continued trying. If he ever saw that man again, he wanted to be the one protecting him this time.
They saw each other again two years later. Seeing him again made Killer nervous immediately, and he hated it. It really was ridiculous. Killer didn’t even get why he felt so attracted to a man wearing a baggy suit and a cap hiding his face with a plush penguin sewn on it. Killer hated the fact that the slight change of his cap was so adorable.
The point is, Killer had no idea what the man looked like. The only thing he ever saw was his smile, and he heard his voice, that’s all. But he was still nervous and blushing like a teenager now that he was seeing the little bird man again.
“Wow. Pretty blond, what happened to you ? You got… Huge.”
Killer was really thankful for his helmet hiding his whole face right now. He could be as red as his body desired, the little bird man would never know.
“My name is Killer.”
“Not really a fitting name for such a pretty blond like you.” Here came this smile again. Killer could feel his heart bang against his rib cage. He would not get out of this conversation alive.
“I- Well- How would you know that anyway ? You’ve never seen my face.”
“I don’t need to.”
Killer looked at Kid. Please please please can we go now ? I’m about to humiliate myself, please tell me we can go.
Kid informed him they’ve formed an alliance with the Heart Pirates and the Straw Hat crew, and that they’ll be traveling together.
Killer never felt so betrayed.
He tried his best to avoid the little bird man. ( He didn’t even know his name, this whole situation was ridiculous. ) He quickly learned it was almost impossible. The penguin plush on his cap must act as a Killer-finding antenna, because he always found a way to bump into Killer, who tried his best to not run into him.
But the little bird man soon had enough.
“Do you have a problem with me, Killer ?”
Killer was so startled he almost jumped out of the kitchen, tray of cookies still in hand. He quickly set the hot tray down before burning himself and sighed.
“You scared me ! What are you doing here ? Where did you even come from ?”
“This is my ship.” True. For such a small ship, the Tang’s kitchen was extraordinarily big, and filled with everything Killer could dream of. He was spending quite some time there to cook or bake. Especially right now, in winter, with Christmas approaching. Everyone appreciated some Christmas cookies to share after a long day.
For Killer, it helped him to not think about a certain man for a few hours. It was incredibly difficult to not think about this man when he was standing right there, though.
“So ? Do we have a problem ?”
“No ! Not at all ! Why ?”
“You’re avoiding me like the plague. I thought you didn’t want to make friends with the other crews at first, and that would be dumb but fine. But you get along with the others. It’s just me you seem to have a problem with.”
“I don’t have a problem with you… Listen, this whole thing is just ridiculous.”
“I have the whole day for you to explain.” He put his hands behind him on the counter and lifted himself to sit on said counter. He was almost eye to eye with Killer that way.
The blond chewed on his lip and sighed. “Well… I guess you just… Make me a little nervous.”
The man chuckled softly. “Me ? A big boy like you, really ? You’re joking.”
“I’m not…” Killer was very embarrassed now. He was right. A big boy like him…
“Do you… Have a crush on me ?”
Killer was really REALLY thankful for his helmet hiding his whole face. “I- W-Well I-”
“Oh shit you do !” He almost looked startled. “Fuck I owe Ikkaku so much berries.”
“What ?”
“Listen, uh… I wondered why you didn’t want to have anything to do with me and some members of the crew told me maybe you had a crush on me. And I couldn't… I don't know, I guess it just stuck with me. I wanted to make sure.”
Killer felt shame creep on his back. “You must think I’m insane… I don’t even know your name.”
The little bird man said nothing and just pointed towards his cap. “What do you mean, it’s written right there.”
“Oh !”
Penguin smiled. Smugly. “Sooooooooo… You have a crush ?”
Killer was embarrassed. Really embarrassed. “I… Guess ? I don't know why… I was just really drawn to you.”
“Do you want to try going out sometimes ?”
“Sure.”
-
The island was pretty, covered in snow and decorated with lights and pine tree branches. The sun was almost set.
“It’s very pretty.” Penguin said, smiling slightly.
“It is. It’s the first time I see an island that’s so nicely decorated for Christmas, I think.”
“Really ? Captain likes to make us stop at a winter island near Christmas. He knows we like to have fun and buy stuff for a big meal, to celebrate together.”
The blond looked at the smaller man and smiled a bit. “It’s a nice tradition. I guess your crew is really close.”
“We are. Shachi and I have been raised together since we were kids. We met Bepo and Law when we were still young. We’re basically family. The crew was created with this idea in mind, and… Well we’re all pretty much family now. Law likes to collect outcasts and freaks, give them a home. It’s nice to take some time to celebrate a bit with family.”
Killer listened. “I see… I never really had a family, I guess. I’ve known Kid, Heat and Wire for a very long time, but I guess we didn’t really see each other as family. Not as much as your crew, at least.”
Penguin nodded. He took Killer’s hand. “Let me show you how we do Christmas with my crew, then !”
Killer blushed slightly and followed Penguin as he dragged him through the Christmas market.
Penguin was excited about pretty much everything they saw. It was cute. He looked at little trinkets to get for his crew. “We try to get each other little gifts each year. Usually small things. I like to get us matching stuff. Last year I got cups with our names on them.”
“It’s pretty cute.” Killer chuckled.
“I could get you a cup too. For when we’re together.”
Killer felt his cheeks heat up. “I don’t think we’ll stay together that long. Our captains can’t really stand each other.”
Penguin shrugged. “I think everything’s would be okay if they just figured it out and fucked.”
The blond choked. “What ?!”
“Oh please ! They completely want each other. Have you seen them ?”
Killer blinked. “I mean… Now that you’re telling me about it, it makes sense.”
Penguin smiled. “I know. I’m a genius.”
“Sure.” The blond chuckled.
They continued to walk around the market, chatting as they looked at the various stands.
They got close quickly as they talked. Penguin was bold, and didn’t hesitate to take Killer’s hand in his own after a moment.
They got gifts together, got some drinks to help warm them up, which Killer managed to drink with a straw without getting his helmet off, and they got back to the Victoria Punk to lay on Killer’s bed together. Penguin snuggled against his chest, smiling. “Hey, maybe your crew should join ours for Christmas.”
“I’m not sure Kid will like that. And you should ask your captain beforehand.”
The smaller man shrugged. “I don’t think he’ll mind.” He tightened his grip around Killer, and the blond almost felt like crying.
It was good, being held that way. It was the first time Killer actually felt… Complete. He could finally lay in bed a little without having to build a fort around him.
How could he say no to the man holding him in his arms like this ?
-
Trafalgar Law did, in fact, mind. But he was probably the only one.
All the members of the alliance got together for Christmas. Killer wasn’t really sure of who invited the Straw Hats, but Law didn’t seem to be happy about it.
“Your captain doesn’t really look happy about this.”
Penguin looked at him. “What ? No, he is, that’s his happy face. He just likes whining. And annoying the other captains.”
Killer wasn’t sure this was true, but well.
Everyone sat down for the meal. Pretty much everyone knowing how to cook helped prepare it ; it was a feast like Killer never saw before. They made various finger sandwiches, at least a thousand of them all together, a few savoury pies, at least thirty or forty full turkeys, Killer had lost count, as Sanji, the Straw Hat's cook, insisted his captain better have a lot of meat to eat if they wanted to have some too, a dozen different sides, a few sweet pies, and so many cakes. The “cooking crew”, like they nicknamed themselves, spent almost the whole day in the kitchen, and truthfully, Killer wasn’t sure when was the last time he had this much fun with other people. Penguin even helped braid his hair this morning, so they wouldn’t get in the way while he cooked.
He liked his fingers in his hair. It was the best day he had spent in a long time.
Sanji was right about the amount of meat. At least, Killer knew he didn’t have to worry about wasting food.
After the meal, the Heart Pirates decided to exchange their little gifts. Killer got out on the Victoria Punk’s deck to get some fresh air. He wasn’t sure he would ever be able to eat anything else ever again after a meal like that. He never felt so full.
It was cold outside. It wasn’t unpleasant after a full day spent in the kitchen with ovens turned on all day, and a large meal with fifty-something people in the same room for hours, and a good amount of alcohol. Thankfully, Killer got to eat sitting apart from the others so he could take off his helmet without having to show his face to everyone, it helped reduce the heat a little. He noticed someone from the Heart’s crew doing the same thing, so he didn’t feel excluded either. He only felt… Understood.
As Killer was enjoying the chilly breeze, he heard some light footsteps behind him. He turned around and was happy to see Penguin standing there, looking a little bit awkward.
“Good evening.”
The smaller man smiled softly. “Hi.” He got a little closer to Killer. “Everything’s alright ?”
“I think it’ll take several days for me to digest everything I’ve eaten tonight, but I had fun.”
Penguin laughed. “Straw Hat's still going.”
“That’s really impressive. And a little concerning somehow.”
He nodded. They stayed in silence for a bit, until Penguin got a small box out of his pocket and handed it to Killer.
“For you.”
Killer blushed a lot. “You didn’t have to… I didn’t get you anything.”
He shrugged and nudged the box a little closer to Killer. “I'm not doing this for something in return. It’s because I wanted to.”
Killer looked at him and hesitantly took the box from him. He lifted the lid slowly to reveal…
A bit of mistletoe.
Penguin got closer to him, carefully getting under the box.
Oh.
He looked embarrassed, and a little flushed. “You don’t have to if I’m an idiot and read all of this wrong, but…”
He never finished that sentence. He was too taken aback by Killer slowly getting his helmet off. He looked at him for a moment, mouth slightly open.
“Fuck, you’re beautiful.”
It didn’t take Killer much more to forget about every insecurity remaining about whether or not Penguin would still like him with the helmet off, and he kissed him.
That night, as they laid together on Killer’s bed, the blond man still felt like all of this was a dream, and he almost felt like crying. He was so glad to have met someone like Penguin.
He quickly discovered Penguin was a real octopus when he was sleeping, and Killer wasn’t sure he would be able to escape his grip in the morning.
And he didn’t want to, truthfully.
For the first time in what felt like forever, Killer slept soundly without feeling uneasy even once. The Heart Pirates would have to fight him to get their little bird man back, because he will not let him go now.