Work Text:
this love that only
i'm drinking is bitter
it overflows so
I want to pour some in your cup
I'm waiting for you to say
I love...
i love you - AKMU
First throws his head back and sighs.
8 A.M is way too early for sports, and anyone who thinks otherwise should be psychologically analyzed. How can people enjoy putting their bodies through strenuous activity that leaves them sweaty and worn off so early in the morning? Well, he can think of one activity that might be an exception but for his sanity, he doesn't go down that road.
Instead, he fidgets with his cardigan and pulls it tighter around his body, he's having a horrible time, an awful experience, wouldn't recommend it to anyone. The Starlympics haven't even started yet but his throat is extremely closed off because of an annoying cold threatening to make him useless for a couple of days and he's sure one of his lungs collapsed while climbing up the stairs to his apartment because he forgot his car keys, and if that wasn't enough his eyes are too puffy, his cheeks don't look round and cute as usual but rather drained of every trace of color and he's about to step into a stadium which in a few hours will be filled with people filming and photographing him waddling around the field like a lost penguin behind the ball.
First huffs, annoyed and sulking to no one in particular, he's parked outside the stadium and has been for 15 minutes, feeling fidgety and overwhelmed, he'd gotten there early in case he bumped into traffic - Bangkok greeted him with an empty highway and a sunny morning that seemed to mock his not-very-good mood- and now he's spent so much time regretting his life decisions inside his car under the scorching sun that he's about to be late.
He's got to admit this isn't a familiar feeling for him, being this annoyed, First is not usually cranky in the mornings, he wakes up well rested - most of the time - and with a giddy disposition to face whatever it is his work puts him up to, and it wasn't much different this morning, cold and all he was excited and with enough energy to pretend to enjoy playing soccer, that was until he walked into the kitchen to start breakfast and noticed Khao's favorite mug sitting unused on the cupboard, a cute orange kitty painted on the ceramic and reminding First of how annoyed he'd felt the night before when Khao walked out of his apartment with his duffel bag in one hand and his car keys in the other.
He'd stared at the mug for a few seconds with a scowl before starting a pot of boiling water.
Khao and his dumb need to go home to get clean clothes.
First reminisces about his morning and, okay, maybe his cold is not so bad. His throat feels better after a cup of tea with honey and he brought some medicine just in case, about his looks, he has a whole team waiting inside to make him look bright and fresh, rosy cheeks and all, and about the sports, he does have fun just fooling around the court with his friends. He shouldn't be so cranky about all of that.
And...he isn't.
He's sulky because Khao didn't stay over the night before, which meant he wasn't there to wake him up or to be woken up by First tickling his side, or to have breakfast with him as they hurried through First's wardrobe and Khao's bag to find some matching outfits, or to joke on their way to their cars, or to kiss him goodbye even though they'd be seeing each other in less than an hour or however long it took them to get to the venue.
He missed Khao.
Period.
And it sucked.
And he'll be as sulky as he wants because he wants to wake up next to his boyfriend. Maybe it's childish, and he'll blame his bad mood on a cold and sports, but the truth is that now that he knows what it is like to have Khao with him not only as his best friend but also as his boyfriend, he just can't get enough.
Boyfriend, a voice whispers in the back of his head and First feels ridiculous when he notices the blush on his cheeks reflected in the rearview mirror.
He rubs at his cheeks as if it could erase the pink tone on his skin when his phone dings with a message from P'Som.
We're already inside, are you parking?
First's heart flutters. We means: P'Som, Earth, Mix, and of course Khao.
Of course, First knew Khao was already there. They'd faced time just one hour ago to pick outfits, and Khao messaged him as soon as he arrived to let him know where to find him. But still, First's heart races, his hands get clammy, and he feels dumb because he has been seeing Khao every day for the past two years, kissing him during shoots, hugging him for photoshoots, and then having sleepovers to play videogames almost every weekend. None of that has changed, except now they hold hands and steal small pecks and touches between all those things.
Well, nothing has changed but also, everything has changed. The slightest touch feels like a dam breaking and washing them both with overwhelming happiness, running from the top of their heads to the tip of their fingertips, tickling and burning, painting moments in a new palette of colors neither of them had seen before but had been there for longer than they realized or were brave enough to recognize.
Now both have decided to let go, to jump into the cliff of uncertainty and do it together, willing to accept what it brings and to work together to figure it out. They've been doing it like that for years, one more time, for something this important, is definitely worth it.
First smiles despite himself, he's still feeling hot from the sun and a bit chilly at the same time because of the cold, his eyes look a bit red and swollen, and he still looks like a clumsy mess while running behind a soccer ball, but now he remembers why the day looks promising.
Khao.
His phone vibrates with an incoming call, a picture of P'Som appears on the screen and First suddenly feels like a deer caught in headlights, he'd been so deep into his own misery that he forgot he was there to work and not only to flirt with his best friend turned boyfriend, he's a professional and as much as he's excited to find Khao inside and be the one sulking for once he doesn't want to get scolded, so he quickly grabs his bag and gets out of the car.
The stadium is huge, it looks even bigger than what First remembers of the last Starlympics. Although, if he's fair at the time he had been battling with a rainstorm of feelings in his chest, his whole body jumping in anticipation every time Khao as much as breathed next to him, his heart, breaking every time he remembered how risky it was for him to confess what he'd started feeling, and his brain screaming at him to just get it over with and confess his undying adoration to his best friend or to forget it and live in agony for the rest of his life.
He doesn't blame himself for not remembering the actual size of the venue when he was basically dying of anxiety on the inside.
A stage manager spots him at the entrance hallway and waves kindly, she directs him toward the center of the court where a few actors and their managers are already gathered and chatting, Joong spots him first, and in a matter of seconds, he's being slightly lifted from the ground by a jumpy, smiley Joong.
"P'!" He shouts, First tries to huh back but Joong untangles himself from him and like magic, a camera appears in his hands, he snaps a picture and smiles after checking the outcome. "This is the before, let's see if we look as good after this whole mess, deal?"
First doesn't get to respond because Joong has already sauntered somewhere behind him where Chimon is innocently tying his shoelaces unsuspecting of the hyperactive boy approaching him.
First considers warning him but a surprised screech reaches his ears and he knows it's too late. He starts navigating the growing crowd, shaking hands, patting shoulders, greeting kindly, and after five agonizing minutes of small talk with at least four different people he makes it to the other side of the court where Mix and Earth are propped up against a wall, they wave at him and First smiles, he forgot how much safer they made him feel.
Once he reaches the couple Earth lifts his gaze for a second to smile at him and mutter a quick 'morning' before going back to his Nintendo, Mix elbows him but lets him be, apparently, he's too busy smirking at First, a knowing look in his eyes.
"Your boy went to the toilet and is probably taking a nap somewhere by now," he says in a tone that's playful and teasing, First wants to kick him.
"Ai'Mix!" he whines but basks in the feeling the words 'your boy' leave behind, still he glares at Mix and pouts to make his point clear.
"Please, save the whining for him Firfir, I'm trying to take a nap myself." With that said and a sassy wink Mix closes his eyes and drops his head on Earth's shoulder. The latter is too busy playing but First notices the way his smile softens.
First wonders if Earth also took longer to realize his feelings for Mix as First did with Khao. All he knew was one day Mix arrived at his apartment all jumpy and excited because he was going out on a real date with Earth, no fans, no staff, no scripts, just the two of them in a little restaurant outside the city. And First had been elated by it, he'd seen Mix whine about his unrequited feelings for far too long, and seeing him so hopeful had made First's heart clench in the best way possible.
After that, the four of them had been too busy with their respective projects to have a formal 'catch-up' meeting but in the little time they met each other at events First could see and feel the shift in their relationship, they were closer, stronger, more confident with each other, Earth was more clingy, Mix was bolder, but most importantly they were happier. First hadn't asked more questions, he was just happy for his friends.
Flash forward two years later and here he was in the same position with Khaotung, the promise of something magical teasing their fingertips and scaring the shit out of both of them.
First respects his friends' privacy, their story is theirs to tell, still, he'd like to know a bit more so it's easier for him and Khao to navigate the whole 'friends to lovers' mess.
"Nong," Earth calls softly not to wake Mix up. First jumps a little bit, too wrapped up in his thoughts. "He's probably on the crowd seats, he was whining 'cause you didn't get here at the same time as him, if I were you I'd go find him."
First bows slightly and smiles. "Noted, thanks P'Earth!"
First is walking away when he hears Mix half asleep mumbling a loud. "Go get your boy, Firfir!"
"Ai'Mix, stop!" Earth scolds him, First doesn't hear what comes next because he's running towards the stairs that climb up to the seats, his heart hammering excitedly inside his chest.
It takes him two minutes to spot Khao slouched down on one seat at the front.
He's wearing the black cap First picked for him and the grey cardigan he picked himself, First looks down at his own choice of clothes, a black cardigan and a light blue cap, the colors mirroring Khao's outfit but switched. It'd been First idea to match today, something not very notorious but notorious enough to be special. He'd thought it was stupid and regretted it as soon as it left his mouth, but Khao had kissed him on the cheek and agreed without thinking about it twice.
There are two sets of stairs separating First from a sleepy Khao and he takes them slowly, carefully, as if approaching a sleeping volcano, one that when awakened will strip him bare of any self-control and will drag him into a pool of feelings and new found touches.
First thinks about last year, watching the same court from the sidelines and grinning when Khao launched himself and started rolling on the floor, seeing him whine about his back and pouting to get a smile out of him, always teasing him, always making every second between them the most special one. It had been then that First had decided to be brave for both of them and embrace what he was feeling, it didn't matter the outcome, he just had to risk it.
Khao was worth it, he was always worth it.
So he'd left the venue that day with just one thought in mind: tell Khao the truth and deal with it.
First spent one month planning the perfect moment to tell Khao, he'd planned a small trip just for the two, Mix had even helped pick a nice hotel and recommended some dishes he could ask for but the hard work was for nothing because it happened out of nowhere in an ordinary Saturday night.
They'd been watching a movie in First's living room, some new comedy neither of them was interested in, and had just picked to have something filling their ears as they scrolled through their phones. Khao had found a funny post on twitter, he'd leaned closer to draw First attention to him but at the same time First leaned in to ask what he wanted for dinner, they met in the middle, noses bumping and eyes growing wide. They had been put through this same situation countless of times, in photoshoots, in series, in interviews, it was their job. That night though it was only them, alone in First's livingroom with just a couple of centimeters separating them from something that could start it or end it all, and at that moment First remembered: Khao is worth it.
So he'd leaned in and kissed him, tentative, shy, and careful.
Khao on the other hand waited a whole five seconds before pushing him back on the couch and kissing him senseless. After that, it gets a little bit blurry for First but he knows ever since he's been happier than ever and he's glad to say it's been the same for Khao. They are making it work.
First feels his throat closing up for a whole different reason than the cold, his heart feeling full and overwhelmed by the memories of their first night as something more than best friends, his eyes water a little and he shakes his head to scare the tears away.
He hurries to take the last steps and with a fondness that makes him feel a little bit dizzy, he reaches the row Khao sits at, he makes his way through the hallway right behind it, when Khao notices him, a big smile splits his face, he tries to say something but it's too late, First is throwing his arms around him from behind, trapping him in a bear hug that feels like tasting water after wandering the desert for days.
"Oomp." Khao makes a surprised sound as he gets the air squeezed out from his lungs, First squeezes tighter nevertheless.
"Morning." First mumbles and buries his nose on the side of Khao's neck, he breathes deep and the cologne that clings to Khao's skin fills his senses.
It takes Khao a second to recover but he quickly hugs back, trapping First's arms with his own. "Morning," he mumbles and, oh First really loves his raspy voices first thing in the morning. "What took you so long, uh?"
First doesn't let go, he just squats further and accommodates himself on the chair behind him, he lifts his head a few centimeters to answer. "I'm sick. I don't want to do sports and I'm sleepy."
Khao chuckles. "I told you not to stay up late playing."
"Oh, and you're one to talk." First raises an eyebrow and it's a futile attempt at scolding because Khao can't see him.
"Don't follow my bad example. You'll be tired." Khao whispers and it's meant to sound like a warning but it's so full of fondness that it just comes out as a statement of adoration.
"You should've stayed with me then. Keep an eye on me." First clings harder to Khao's body and it feels wonderful, he fits perfectly there.
"I had to go check on Montow and get a new change of clothes since someone keeps stealing my shirts."
First doesn't regret doing that, he's got boyfriend rights now and Khao has pretty clothes. "They smell good, like you."
Khao turns his head slightly and breathes in deeply, he brushes his nose against First's hair. "You're so sulky today, Firfir."
"I missed you." First says openly, happy to give Khao entrance to his most vulnerable parts.
There's a pause and then Khao melts even more into the hug. "Missed you too," he mumbles. There's noise bouncing from every side of the stadium but First hears Khao loud and clear, the words spoken only to be heard by him, just theirs to treasure.
They stay like that for two wonderful minutes before they hear steps approaching, First feels the urge to pull away but Khao is so warm in his arms that he fights against every fight or flight instinct his brain sends to his arms and legs and stays where he is.
"Smile, love birds!" Mix shouts, and First is relieved when he looks up and sees his friend next to P'Som, she taps her foot, waiting impatiently to get her phone back. When she sees them though, her stern expression softens and a small smile cracks her lips.
Mix shoots the first pic without warning and Khao drops his arms, the motion feels harsh and strange after being in each other's arms just seconds ago but then First remembers asking Khao to keep things under the radar for now, just to be careful, First doesn't want anything touching what they have and Khao knows how this works, the picture will probably make it to an Instagram story, Khao is being careful just as First had asked.
It was his idea but now it stings weirdly and First makes a decision right there and then.
Fuck past First and fuck being careful, he tightens his hold and smiles widely, he feels Khao tensing for a millisecond but he falls right back into the embrace and lifts both arms, one hand almost touching First's cheek. Mix snaps the picture and winks at them before dragging P'Som to take pictures of Earth who is already in his Lightning Cheeta shirt.
"You two go get your uniforms!" Som shouts as she runs behind Mix, still smiling.
When they're out of sight First leans in again and his lips brush against Khao's cheek. "You'll stay with me tonight?"
Khao pretends to think about it- "I don't know Fir, you're sick, what if I get sick? What would people think if we both get sick, uh? They'll think we're kissing and stuff."
"Ai'Tung!" First whines childishly and feels triumphant when Khao can't hide his grin anymore.
"As if I could say no to you." Khao finally says and pecks him quickly on the cheek, out of habit First looks around alarmed but they're on the far side of the court and the purple lights make it harder to be spotted, and even if they were, First wouldn't care.
He loves Khaotung, loud and proud.
Khao untangles himself from First's hold and grabs both of their bags. First wants to protest but the stadium is getting fuller and the crowd will start arriving soon. They have work to do after all.
"Let's go sulky, we have some sports to play." Khao doesn't sound happy with the idea but reaches his hand to grab First's, his grip an anchor for First to hold on to.
Khao guides them to the dressing rooms.
First follows him.
As he always has and as he always will.