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When Alicent bore her first child, King Viserys bestowed upon her a cadre of new ladies-in-waiting. Among them was a quiet, observant girl who, at the Queen's behest, followed her like a shadow. She paid attention to all the little things allowing her to almost anticipate Alicent's needs and desires with utmost subtlety. If the queen felt ill even a bit ill at dinner, breakfast the next morning was sent to her chambers.
This day´s dinner would be no different than the many before if it wasn't for prince Daemons sudden return. He joined them for dinner, as was expected but this evening the King had to leave earlier thanks to his condition, leaving Alicent like a deer to the wolves.
A sheep to the dragons. She thought as she stood by the side of the table holding the pitcher of wine. She poured Aegon wine when he called for her, for a second locking eyes with her queen over the table. The queen gave her a haste smile, it almost caused her to overfill the crown prince´s cup. Venison with poached pears was served alongside a plum-red sauce. She could sense her queen was on the edge when she saw the looks exchanged between her dear children and Rhaenyra´s bastards. It felt like a mockery of everything she had to sacrifice, how many times she cried after she got married. Like she was parading what she could get away with, sitting all three of her own across from her own, the children, she gave Viserys the son he always wanted and yet he had forsaken Aegon since his first nameday. She pitied the boy sometimes. All those thoughts made her spill a bit of the sauce on her damask dress. As quick as ever she was by her mistress side and slipper her her own handkerchief a little gesture that didn't go unmissed by the rogue prince who at first just chuckled, but when she blushed and scurried back to her spot by the wall with the other servants it just incided Daemon to push further and make this dull dinner at least a bit more entertaining for him.
"It seems your affection for your lady-in-waiting runs quite deep. My brother has been ailing, I understand, but I must confess, I did not expect to see you so...consoled by your handmaiden."
When she returned to her Queens chambers to help her prepare for bed Alicent was colder than usual, she barely acknowledged her presence. “Should I draw a bath for you, my queen?” She said nervously rubbing her hands when she saw Alicent picking at her fingers. She only did that when distressed. “I am sorry about the dinner.” She said as she waited for Alicent´s answer. “No need, I wish to go to bed early tonight.” Alicent didn't even lift her eyes to meet hers in the mirror and that hurt. Was the handkerchief too much? Did she perhaps overstep their bond? She soundlessly walked behind Alicent who was sitting before her vanity set and trying to fish the pins out of her hair, breaking apart her perfect curls. It was just an ill jab, your grace. She said as she slowly took out the pins from Alicent's hair, taking her time to not pull or break any of the queen's precious chestnut hair strands. Gently unbraiding it and setting the gentle curls loose watching them slowly cascade down Alicent's shoulders. They were tense, she thought about how it would be to gently massage the knots out of her sore shoulders before she snapped out of it when the Queen's soft fingers brushed against her own. She pulled back, awaiting any instructions like a homily. Alicent's breath hitches when her handmaiden pulled back from her touch.No other lady in waiting would have noticed the soft but abrupt exhale, but when your adore- no- love, perhaps, someone your never miss a single little detail about them, that's what makes your heart beat faster and ache when you can never show it. It would be wrong, especially now seeing how Daemon´s comment upset her. Alicent had never truly acknowledged how attached she is to her handmaiden. until the comment daemon had made. It made her vulnerable and any rumor or even a harmless jab could undermine her stand and power in the court. Such an assumption had to be stomped out before anyone would use them against her. Taking a deep breath, the queen turns her head to look over her shoulder at her servant. She looked back up at Alicent seeing something warm leave her eyes when she blinked. "This will be all tonight, I can manage on my own." She nodded and made a little curtsy. “Of course my queen.” Watching how Alicent pulled her hair over one of her shoulders as if to enclose herself in it for comfort, she backed towards the door. Alicent's fingers gently grasp a lock of her hair, twisting it in a makeshift rope as she turns to fully face her.
“Wait.”
"Yes?" she murmured, a thrill coursing through her as she anticipated the queen's request. oh how she cherished these moments, brushing Alicent's hair and massaging oils into the silken curls. She reveled in the lingering scent of the queen that clung to her fingers long after the task was done.Alicent's throat felt suddenly dry, she scrambled for an excuse, her mind racing. "You didn't… you didn't finish," she stammered, her gaze falling upon the untouched oils and combs scattered across the oak vanity. Alicent knew she was grasping at straws, but suddenly the thought of being alone made her skin crawl, perhaps she found it relaxing to be taken care of. “Of course my queen. She waited for Alicent to walk over to the divan next to the fireplace and sit comfortably down before she gently combed out her hair. Watching over her shoulder as Alicent held her necklace - the star of the Seven and her eyes closed, the light from the fireplace dancing on her lashes and the pendant. She gently poured a bit of oil into her hands and gently ran them through the queen's hair. It was a calming thing when she didn't think about the consequences of how wrong it was in the eyes of the seven, how much she wanted to bury her face in the chestnut curls and kiss those rosy lips when she nervously bit them. Alicent lets out a soft sigh as she runs her hands through her hair. The oil is cold on her skin but her handmaid's hands are warm, which makes the feeling rather nice. The queen’s eyes flutter shut as her handmaiden gently massages her scalp. She watched as Alicents face relaxed and her breathing slowed. She looked ethereal like that. She looked up when the queen abruptly stood up, her hair slipping out her grasp. "I need you to light a candle for me in the sept tonight." She was kneeling on the floor behind the divan and looked up at Alicent when she stood with her back to the fireplace and the light gave her a halo, she looked like one of the statues of the Mother or Maiden in the sept, she knew that she would pray at her altar day and night for a single blessing, for a single look that would linger. “What should I pray for on your behalf, my queen?” Alicent’s heart beats a little faster when she sees her handmaiden kneeling at her feet, looking down, her eyes wandering across her form. The queen feels her mouth run dry at the sight. her tongue darts out, as she wets her lips in an attempt to relieve the dryness and the feeling in her throat.“…For protection, tonight. Good fortune for my sons.” Alicent whispers, though what the queen truly wants is something that can never be granted. Her hand reaches down to gently rest on her shoulder feeling the soft wool of her dress. Sometimes she could forget that the queen was married, that she had children she loved deeply. But it always snapped her out of her dreaming. She got up from the floor, bowed and ran straight to the Sept. First leaving a candle for the Queen at the altar of the Mother, looking over all her earthly children. Looking around the sept, the world felt like it was spinning, she thought back to the prince's words, someone noticed the way she looked at Alicent. Kneeling down before the central altar, she scolded herself. “Do not call her Alicent, she's your queen, you are supposed to serve her. Not yearn all day to help her out of her heavy gowns and watch how her back moved with each breath when she loosened her lacing.” She closed her eyes and put her hands together, praying for mercy. She's not supposed to have such thoughts let alone about another woman, it was wrong and unnatural. “Gods help me, I do not know if I can withstand such a temptation.” When she finished praying she looked up at the ornate ceiling of the sept, feeling the incense burn in her lungs as if it was cleansing her of the sin that consumed her, but the lust she called love for her mistress ran deep in her blood. She coughed when she stood up, feeling the judging glances of the statues representing the Seven, as if they saw what was in her head in her heart.She stumbled out of the sept into the street of King's landing watching the good people return home from work and a few girls stand by the corner of the street leading to fleesbottom, laughing among themselves seemingly without worry. In the end she returned to the sanctuary of the castle and went to the guest library that she and other ladies of the court could visit. It was empty and the sound of crackling fire was the only thing disturbing the silent night. She looked up at one of the tapestries from the times of Aegon the Conqueror, it depicted three people in the midst of bodily pleasures foreign to the follower of the seven. Two women and one man forming a rope of bodily pleasure. The dim light skewed the image on the wall and between her hazy gaze for a moment she thought she could see herself and Alicent there. Her face between the plush thighs of the Queen, licking the forbidden fruit. It made her stomach twist in a way she knew too well and she felt ashamed of it. She looked back at the male figure in the picture to her. It felt out of place, but it made her think if Alicent had someone of her own outside of marriage. It would be a sin, but is it a sin if it's love? She knew she could never tell her how she truly felt, what if her Queen would be disgusted with her? Could she feel the same? The way she looked down at her, no- that couldn't be, She was the utmost pious woman.