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It had become pretty much routine that whenever one of the kids had love problems they would come to Steve. This time it was Mike at the door, mumbling about something that Steve couldn’t make sense of.
“What do I do if I like someone that doesn't like me back?” he spit out after a while.
Steve didn’t really know what to say to that. The only experience he had ever had of it was Nancy. And even though he was over her by now, it still felt very fresh sometimes. He didn’t really wanna stand there and explain to Mike how much it had hurt when he had unrequited feelings for the boy’s sister.
“You suffering from unrequited love, lil’ Wheeler?” he heard Eddie’s voice behind him. He and Robin had been watching a movie when Mike arrived.
“I guess?” Mike’s face turned a bit red from Eddie’s question.
“Then what ya doing asking Steve for advice? Everybody wants Steve”, there was something weirdly sad in Eddie’s voice when he said the last words. “You should ask someone who knows more about the subject.”
Mike looked at him with a confused face, so Eddie pointed at himself.
“What do you know?” the normal sassiness was back in his voice.
“You don’t think I know what it’s like to look at someone and know they aren’t ever going to love you back? That I don’t know what it’s like to know that they never will, or even can, like you back?” something seemed to click in Mike when Eddie said ‘can’.
What Eddie said really shocked Steve. Was he really in love with someone? At first, when Eddie said he knew a lot about the subject, Steve had thought he meant in general. Because even though Eddie was a funny, gorgeous, nice and overall fucking amazing person, who should have a lot of girls after him, most people in Hawkins still thought he was a murder. That didn’t exactly help the process of getting dates.
But now that Eddie was talking about it, it really sounded like he was in love with someone. Steve was shocked Eddie hadn’t told him he liked someone before. Sure, Eddie wasn't exactly the touchy-feely type, and he didn’t always like to talk about his feelings, but if he was in love with someone Steve would still expect him to say something.
“Then what am I supposed to do?” all the sassiness in Mike’s voice was gone now, and he almost sounded pathetic.
“You suck it up”, Mike's face twisted in horror, like it was the worst advice he could have gotten. “You keep being their friend, you're there when they want you to be, as close as they want you to be.”
“That’s fucking terrible advice!” Mike sounded like he was on the verge of tears. “I can’t fucking do that. I just fucking can’t!”
“Well this isn’t a fairytale, what did you expect me to say? ‘Just lean in and kiss them like you have always wanted to’?” Eddie was also on the verge of tears when he continued. “But when you do that, just know that you’ll probably lose them. Know that that’s gonna be the last time you get to touch them, the last time they will want you around. So if you're anything like me, you suck it up. And you do anything you can to make them happy, because everything is worth it if you get to see their smile.”
Steve had been right. Eddie was in love, and for some reason it hurts Steve in a weird way. He didn’t want Eddie to be in love with some random chick that didn’t like him back. He didn’t really know why it bothered him, he was probably just sad that his friend was hurting so bad. Right?
“You try not to stare too long, and hope they don’t notice the dreaminess in your eyes. You try not to touch them too much, and hope they don’t see the goosebumps on your skin when they touch you. You listen to them talk about the girls they like, and you help them get with them, all while hoping they don’t notice your jealousy.”
Steve suddenly understood why Eddie never told him about the crush. It wasn’t some random chick, it wasn’t a chick at all. It was a guy . A guy Eddie had listened to talk about the girls he liked, it was a guy who gave Eddie goosebumps, and it was a guy Eddie had looked at with dreaminess in his eyes. But it wasn’t just any guy. Steve had noticed the way Eddie looked at him, but he had just figured he was lost in thought. He had seen the goosebumps on Eddie’s skin, but he had just assumed he was cold. And he had seen the jealousy in Eddie’s eyes, but he thought it had been because he had a harder time getting girls. Fuck, Eddie wasn’t talking about some random girl, he was talking about Steve.
“And most importantly, you hope they don’t find out about your pathetic crush.”
Well it’s too late for that now. Steve had figured it out, and he wasn’t sure what he felt about it. He wasn’t disgusted, or mad, or anything, he could never be. He was just so confused. What the hell are you supposed to think when you find out one of your best friends, your male best friend, is in love with you? You’re probably supposed to be a bit disturbed or upset, but Steve wasn’t. He was fucking happy, and like, relieved that he was the one Eddie liked, and not someone else. Fuck, fuck fucking fuck, he really shouldn’t feel that way about Eddie liking him.
Steve didn’t like Eddie, he couldn’t like him. He wasn’t gay. He was not homophobic or anything, he was totally cool with other people being queer, he didn’t at all mind Robin, or Eddie, or anybody else being gay, but he just wasn’t gay. Steve knew for sure that he liked girls, he had had multiple crushes on girls, and he knew he used to be in love with Nancy.
But he still couldn’t help but think that this wasn’t a normal reaction to finding out another guy had a crush on you, this wasn’t a straight way to react. And when he started to think about it, he realized a couple of other things that might not be totally straight.
Like how often he thought that Eddie was beautiful. He looked over at Eddie, his tangled hair hanging down in front of his face, a sad smile adorning the lips, and his beautiful brown eyes still looking sad. But Eddie was just an objectively attractive person, right? Straight guys could tell if another guy was attractive from an objective perspective, it didn't mean anything.
And sure, he loved spending time with Eddie and being close to him, but that didn’t mean anything either, right? Of course he got happy everytime Eddie called and asked if he wanted to hang out, but that was just because Eddie was, well, Eddie. He was weird and hilarious, and being around him simply made Steve’s day better.
And yeah, Steve loved it when Eddie would touch him. Putting an arm around his shoulders, sometimes even hugging him. All those small touches that made him shiver. But he wasn’t gay, he just loved physical touch.
“Ehh, Harrington, you okay?” Eddie glanced at him with a concerned look. Steve had probably zoomed out a while and missed a part of the discussion.
”Ehm, yeah”, Steve cleared his throat before continuing, “I'm just gonna go to, eh, Robin”, Steve struggled to get any words out. He had to talk to Robin and he really couldn’t stand there next to Eddie thinking anymore. Eddie shot him a wondering look as he walked out of the hallway without another word.
“Damn, what took the two of you so long? Who was it?” Robin asked, but he didn’t answer. “What’s going on, is something wrong?”
“Nothing! I don’t know!” he burst out, Robin looked worriedly at him, “I think Eddie might be in love with me”
“Oh”, was all Robin said, and she didn’t even seem shocked. Wait..?
“You knew!” Steve knew he was right as soon as Robin's face showed a bit of guilt.
“I'm so sorry Steve. I couldn’t tell you, it’s queer code.”
“I know, I know. I just don’t know what the hell I'm supposed to do now!”
“What do you mean? You just keep being his friend. Steve, you can’t cut him off because he likes you, that would break him. Plus, if you do, I'm gonna have to cut you off, and I really like you, Steve” he wanted to laugh at the last part, but he was too terrified from the first bit. He would never even think about cutting Eddie off, Robin had gotten it all wrong.
“Robin, I would never do that. I don’t have a problem with Eddie liking me, that's not why I'm freaking out.”
“Then why are you..?” Robin's words trailed off mid sentence. “Wait, do you mean..?”
“I don’t know, maybe? I mean I think…” he was cut off by Eddie walking into the room.
“God, that was a rough one”, Eddie took one quick look at them and saw that something was up. “What's going on?”
Steve hesitated before answering.
“Nothing. Come sit down so we can start the movie again”, Eddie sat down next to him, leaving some space in between them.
Steve made up his mind and scooted closer to Eddie, closing in the space between them by leaning against Eddie’s side. Steve could feel him tense a bit next to him, before relaxing again.