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He really wasn’t sure how long they’d been here. While he could look at a clock, he didn’t really trust his sense of time while high and he was high. To his right Fujiko was humming along to a song on the radio. They’d been dancing earlier, though they both agreed to stop as the weed had started to affect their coordination. Who would have thought his night would be ending like this?
Earlier that day Lupin had managed to get away with yet another priceless artefact. And Zenigata was immediately chewed out for it. That would have been it, except when his temporary immediate supervisor stopped briefly to breath, Zenigata had muttered that technically the artefact had been stolen a second time.
It was very well known that the museum was being boycotted for a number of items that it was displaying, that had been taken from people native to the land. Though the thefts were on the older side, they were still very much felt by those who had been stolen from. There had been several petitions and news articles around the topic. One organizer had been interviewed when it had come out that Lupin was targeting the place. They’d said it was ironic the museum was suddenly concerned about theft.
His superior obviously hadn’t appreciated the comment. The man had turned so red that the inspector had felt concerned for his health. He’d started screaming that he didn’t want to see Zenigata in the office anytime soon. The inspector hadn’t stuck around much longer, eager to leave, his ears still ringing.
Determined to have a somewhat decent end to the night, he’d gone to a bar situated inside a nearby hotel. The place had been highly recommended by a few different people he’d been working with. It became very apparent that he wasn’t the only one with the idea to come here. The place was packed. His attempts to flag down a bartender were futile. He’d politely waved away the couple of working women who asked if he was looking for a good time. He was, just not like that.
The third time he got tapped on the shoulder he’d turned around, pre-prepared response dying on his tongue as he saw who it was. Fujiko was as smartly dressed as usual, having traded out her catsuit from earlier for a well fitted blue dress and casual black heels. She and Lupin had been on opposing sides earlier this evening, each trying to steal the same thing. Lupin had won, this time anyway.
“Do you want to get out of here? I have something besides alcohol I’m trying to enjoy tonight.” He looked at her, tired, trying to understand what her angle was. She sighed, sounding a bit tired herself. “Look I’m just trying to have some company that won’t try and take advantage of me when I’m not fully cognizant.”
Curiosity peaked, he turned back one last time to look at the bar. The bartenders were still very busy. He picked his hat up and turned back to Fujiko. “Lead the way.”
The room she led him to wasn’t the penthouse, but it was certainly roomy enough. It also felt faintly lived in and smelled very familiar. Fujiko said something about it before he could. “They were staying here. I was here a bit earlier and managed to convince the front desk that they wanted another night.” She turned towards him, a spark in her eyes. “I intend to order a lot of room service and I’ve sent almost everything I have to the dry cleaners.”
He snorted and moved further into the room. Looking around more only continued to confirm what she (and his nose) said. He’d been in a number of places after Lupin had, studying them, smelling them. It’s not like he woke up one day and knew what his rival smelled like. No matter what people liked to think, he did actually work at his job and Lupin was his job.
After setting down his coat and hat he turned around to see Fujiko had pulled out a knife and cutting board. She looked up briefly from what she was getting ready to cut. “I think 15mgs for you and 25mgs for me.” He remembered now that Fujiko hadn’t said what it was that they were supposed to be enjoying.
“Hey Fujiko, what are we having tonight?” She cut what was on the cutting board before answering.
“Edibles.” At his blank look she continued. “Weed, Mary Jane, marijuana.”
“Weed?! Fujiko I am a police officer! I can’t do drugs!” The look she gave him was unimpressed.
“You think cops don’t do drugs?”
“ I don’t do drugs! They’re a mind altering substance!”
“But you do drink alcohol.”
He sputtered briefly. “Alcohol is different, alcohol is legal!”
She smiled serenely. “Weed is legal in this country.”
He frowned. “It is?” Now the look she leveled at him was distinctly unimpressed.
“You don’t check the substance laws of the countries you travel to?”
“Well…no.”
“You should start, stuff like that is really important.” He huffed sheepishly. She sighed and came over to him, edibles in hand. “Look, you don’t have to take them. I will be taking them either way, but it could be fun. And, not to bring up bad memories, but it’s not like you have to be at work tomorrow.”
He sighed and looked from her face, to her hand. “And this isn’t a trick?”
“Pops, I intend to get high, not to trick you, not tonight at least.” He nodded and cautiously put out his hand.
“Will 15mgs be enough?” She threw her head back and laughed.
“Oh Pops, those are the kind of words that usually get people in trouble. But this time I’ll save you, 15mgs is plenty.”
And so it was. Currently they were partially slumped on the couch. So far they’d eaten room service (which Fujiko had charged to the room, all the while smiling) and danced as the night went on and the edibles took hold. As Fujiko hummed, Zenigata turned his nose further into the couch. Though Jigen and Goemon had evidently sat on it, Lupin had evidently spent the most time on it. So he sat there, thinking about him, his rival.
He had a thought, suddenly, that seemed profound enough to share. “Sometimes I feel like I was made for him. I know I came first and everything, but it almost feels like, as soon as he entered the world and started becoming who he is, I’ve been developing alongside him. Until it’s come to this point.”
Fujiko stopped humming to consider the statement and then nodded. “Well, you certainly act like it enough that that may be true.” They sat there in silence for a moment. “Do you want to eat more?”
“Yeah.” They laid there a moment more before mutually going to get more food. Zenigata ate for a bit, thinking still, and looked at the shrimp in his hand (this was going to cost Lupin a lot of money).
“I want to eat him, I think.”
“Mmm, wait really?”
“No.” He frowned, cannibalism was definitely illegal and he didn’t really want to eat him, but…“I think I just want to keep him, but inside me?”
“Like Where the Wild Things Are?”
“What?”
“The book Where the Wild Things Are , there are monsters in it.” She curled her fingers like claws and made a face at him. He found it cute. “I was on an assignment as a substitute teacher once and I read the book to the class. The monsters mention wanting to eat the main character because they love him and want him to stay.”
He frowned, confused. Part of him wanted to ask about what she meant when she said “assignment”, but he felt another question was more pressing. “That’s in a children’s book?”
“Yeah, books for kids have all kinds of stuff in them.” She sighed. “That was one of my harder assignments. They’re a lot of work, kids I mean.”
“That makes sense, they’re little growing people after all.”
“That’s true.”
They sat in silence for a moment. Zenigata contemplating on the nature of children as small growing people.
“So do you love him?”
“What?!” Fujiko, undeterred by his volume, nodded sagely.
“The monsters want to keep Max because they love him and you’re always trying to keep Lupin. Thankfully you have a job where making that happen is your job. When you started out, it probably was all duty this and rivalry that, but it’s changed, hasn’t it? The way you feel about him, it’s changed. He’s almost all you talk about, I’m sure he’s mostly all you think about. Even if you don’t admit it, in your heart you know it’s true.”
Zenigata felt his heart start to race, was it true? Did he love Lupin? Well, there was a way to work that out. He was an inspector wasn’t he? What evidence was there?
He thought about all the time he dedicated to Lupin. The inventions, the schemes to catch him, putting together the schemes to catch him, the paperwork to pay for all the schemes to catch him. He thought of all the moments he just thought about Lupin, wondering where he was and what he was doing. He thought about all the tears he’d shed when he thought Lupin had died and the small gravestone he’d carefully stored back home after learning he was alive. He thought about his unwavering certainty that Lupin, at his core, was a good man and that he wanted to share a drink with him. He thought about the fact that, even if he was fired tomorrow, he would still try and find a way to chase Lupin. He thought about the warm feeling he would get in his stomach whenever Lupin complimented him. He thought about things he had said to and regarding Lupin over the years.
Oh.
Oh.
He really was in love with him. While he sat there, trying to comprehend the entirety of that, loving Lupin, Fujiko decided to continue to shock him.
“You should have sex with him.”
“What?! Sex? Really?” He sat there, now trying to put together himself, Lupin and sex. Lupin and sex went together like bread and butter, but adding him to the mix…“Would he even like that? Anal sex I mean?”
“Oh definitely.” She said it so confidently it had to be true. He hummed indecisively, focusing on this new, but somewhat adjacent line of thinking.
“But even if he does, that doesn't mean he’d like having sex with me.”
It was Fujiko’s turn to frown now. “Well why are you so sure he might not?”
“Well I’m me, first of all.”
“He likes you.”
“There’s a difference between liking someone and wanting to have sex with them.”
“Well you like him and want to have sex with him.”
“No, I love him and probably want to have sex with him.”
She smirked and poked his shoulder. “Yeah, you do.”
He huffed and carefully nudged her back. Like this he wasn’t entirely sure of his own strength, so it was good to be careful. “What’s the second reason?”
He blinked and turned to look at her fully. “What?”
“Well you said the first reason was because you’re you, so what’s the second reason?”
He’d forgotten, when this part of the conversation had started, that he would have to say the next part. Even with the floating, warm feeling that he was experiencing, he still started blushing. “I’m pretty big.”
Fujiko frowned slightly as she repeated the sentence back to herself. Her eyes widened when she understood what he meant. Then she frowned again. “I’m not sure how that would be a problem?”
He looked up at the ceiling again and started fiddling with his thumbs. The repetitive motion was calming. “I just remember that one day I overheard one of the women in the office talking about how she was still sore from the weekend because of this guy she met. And how guys with big dicks think they’re so great because they’re big, but that they’re not that good in bed.”
Fujiko hummed understandingly. “Well she’s not wrong. I have met guys like that. But that doesn’t mean you’ll be like that. I’m sure Lupin will be fine.”
He shook his head, resolute. “I don't want him to be ‘fine’ I want him to be exu-exub-happy and safe.” His earnest statement caused Fujiko to smile softly at him.
“Well, it’s not like you can’t learn how to be better beforehand. There’s books, articles and videos. With the internet and your local library on your side, you’ll be fine.”
“You can find educational stuff about sex online? I know there’s a lot of porn but…” She patted him on the shoulder.
“Pops you can find almost anything on the internet. You just have to know how to look through it for real and accurate sources. Good thing you’re not afraid of a bit of hard work.” She yawned suddenly, a loud, ungraceful thing. “I think that is my sign to go to bed.”
He nodded. “I should go to sleep too, it’s late.” Neither of them moved.
“I want to go to sleep, but I don’t want to move.”
“I can help you up, but I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to try and carry you.” Together they were finally able to make it to a bedroom, Lupin’s of course. After they settled underneath the covers, the light already turned off, they began to drift off to sleep. “Fujiko, if you don’t disappear tomorrow morning, do you want to have breakfast?”
“Well, I don’t have plans until the afternoon, so I don’t see why not. We have the room til 11am after all and room service starts at 7am.” They fell asleep, giggling at the thought of the bill they would be leaving Lupin with.
…Three Months Later…
This was it, he was going to catch Lupin this time, he could feel it. He’d anticipated Lupin’s every move and hadn’t been far behind him this entire night. The thief hadn’t even been able to snag the painting he’d had his eye on. They’d gone through windows, down alleys and over rooftops. They’d lost his people, the local forces and Jigen and Goemon.
Shortly after he and Lupin jumped over to their next rooftop, he swiftly threw his handcuffs. Before Lupin could pick them, he yanked on the end of the rope they were attached to. The thief flew backwards, stumbling right into the inspector’s arms.
Success! He did it, he caught Lupin. “Ha! Now I have you Lupin.”
The thief looked up at him, then shrugged. “It would seem so.”
“Not seem, it is so. All my hard work has paid off. I finally caught you.” He could feel himself growing emotional over how monumentum this moment was.Still Lupin looked, fairly unconcerned.
“Either way, this works out well, because I have a question for you, Pops.”
Zenigata laughed triumphantly. “You can ask me whatever you want behind bars.”
Lupin shook his head and sighed. “I’m afraid I can’t, see it's a very personal question.”
Zenigata began to have a sinking feeling in his gut. He frowned slightly as Lupin got closer. “Well, go on, spit it out. What’s your question?”
Lupin grinned leeringly. “How big is ‘pretty big’?”
El Fin.
Dealer’s choice on whether Fujiko, post hotel conversation, went up to Lupin, slapped him on the ass and said, “Zenigata and I are sharing this now.” After which she told him about the conversation.
OR
Lupin had the room bugged (for listening) and was sitting in another hotel room, with a blunt, eagerly listening to the conversation happen.
Also, the artefact did go back to the people in question. Lupin's buyer gave it back. The petitions and negative attention work and the museum gives the rest of the stuff back (only after a couple of wealthy donors threaten to stop giving them funds).