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Tim begrudgingly got in his car and drove in the pouring rain to Angela’s christmas party.
He wasn’t really in the festive mood this year and didn’t want to be around anybody. And honestly, he thought no one wanted him around either. He knows Angela invited him, but he felt it was out of obligation. There was going to be people there he hurt, whose trust he broke. Why would they want him around? Like Sergeant Grey. He could tell he never looked to him the same way he used to. He used to feel like Grey’s right hand man, but now, that couldn’t be further from the truth. But that was nothing in comparison to person whose trust he broke the most.
Lucy.
He was never a big holiday guy before, but he was actually looking forward to Christmas with Lucy because he knew she would make it festive and full of love. He was looking forward to cozying up on the couch with her with hot chocolate as they watched Christmas movies. But then he had to go and break her heart and now he knows he’s the last person she wants to be around. The doubtfulness and depression started to consume him. He had hurt so many people, especially Lucy. He had promised to never hurt her, but he did. Her life would probably be better if they had never met. In fact, everyone’s lives would all probably be better if he never existed in the first place.
“I wish I didn’t exist,” he said out loud. Then a loud clap of thunder from a strike of lighting startled him enough to jerk the wheel, causing the car to swerve then hydroplane. He went over the edge of the road, down a hill and struck a telephone pole. Then everything went dark.
“Tim” he heard his name softly called as he started to come out of unconsciousness. “Tim” he opened his eyes a little more before closing them. “Hey dumbass, wake up” His eyes shot open. He realized he was on the ground. Had paramedics gotten him out? But what would they call him a dumbass. “ Hah, knew that would wake you up” Tim turned his head toward the voice and felt everything around him pause as he realized who it was.
“Jackson?” he questioned. Jackson smiled and threw his arms up.
“As I live and breathe. Well, I guess that's not necessarily true, but you get the picture. Come on, let's get you up” Then he reached over and helped Tim off the ground.
“Did you call me a dumbass”
“Yes sir. And one, nothing you can do about it since I’m dead, but two you get that title after what you did to Lucy” he said plainly.
“Am I dead?” questioned Tim as he brushed himself off.
“No” clarified Jackson with a little chuckle, “You’re in an alternate universe”
“What?” questioned Tim.
“You made a wish to never have existed, so I am showing you what life would look like if you were never born” It was then Tim looked over and realized his car wasn’t there.
“Come on” said Jackson, encouraging Tim to follow him, “There's a lot to show you and there's such little time”
“Are you trying to “it's a wonderful life” me right now?” questioned Tim.
“Hey, it worked on George Bailey, it can work on you” They made it to the top of the hill as Jackson started leading the way.
“So what, do you need your wings or something” asked Tim sarcastically, still not fully wrapping his brain around everything that was happening.
“Well, I am working on becoming a guardian angel, and you’re the last person I need to help. Once I’m done with you, I get my wings”
“So this is like its a wonderful life” Tim said sarcastically.
“More or less” Tim rolled his eyes as they continued their walk. Soon they found themselves outside Mid Wilshire.
“So, what are you going to show me here?” he asked with sarcasm still lingering. “Is everyone in there a crazy cop?”
“No,” laughed Jackson, “I’m just gonna show you the impact you have had on individuals in your personal life and what would have happened to them if you weren’t a part of it” They started walking in when Jackson paused. “And just so you know, it’s only gonna get worse as the night goes on”
They walked into Mid Wilshire and it seemed business as usual. The first thing he noticed was nobody seemed to pay any mind to them.
“People can’t see us, just so you know” said Jackson as if he could read Tim’s mind. Tim nodded. Then he saw Nolan, working at a desk. He had a tired look in his eyes as he worked on his paperwork.
“Nolan seems fine,” commented Tim.
“He does,” said Jackson, “But there is something missing from his uniform.” Tim looked closer. His sleeves were bare.
“He’s not a training officer is he?”
“Nope, because without you to help teach him how to be a good TO, Nolan was never inspired to be one.”
“I don’t know if this is a loss, Nolan wasn’t a good TO to begin with” Jackson let out a chuckle. “That may be, But there's more you should see. Something he was actually good at.” Jackson pointed with his head at two female officers passing by.
“Can’t believe they raised the prices of pads and tampons in the bathroom, again. That's the fifth time this year” commented one. The other chuckled
“Maybe you should talk to our oh so faithful union representative.” Then both women laughed.
“The day I go to Smitty and he actually does something useful, I’ll give you my pension” they both laughed as they passed Nolan’s desk and continued on their way. Nolan looked annoyed, but kept working.
“Wait, Nolan isn’t the union representative?” questioned Tim.
“Not in this universe. See, since you weren’t here to endorse him, he lost to Smitty cause he was still too new” Tim was about to question further when they were interrupted by scream.
“HOW GODDAMN STUPID ARE YOU!?!?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE THE MOST USELESS BOOT I HAVE EVER TRAINED!!!!”
Tim looked towards the yelling and saw none other than Nyla screaming at a terrified Celina.
“Ma’am, I’m sorry, I just-”
“YOU JUST WHAT? CAME OUT FROM BEHIND COVER AND SHOT AT THE SUSPECT BEFORE I SAID YOU COULD!! YOU COULD’VE GOTTEN YOURSELF KILLED!!!”
“DETECTIVE HARPER, MY OFFICE!!! NOW!!!’ Tim recognized the boom in that voice as none other than Sergeant Grey. Nyla angrily marched towards his office as he approached Celina who was trying to hold back tears.
“Are you alright, Officer Juarez?” he asked in that softer Dad-like tone. Celina nodded.
“Yes sir” she said, trying to hold back tears.
“Look, go home, take the rest of the day. Tomorrow we can see about getting you transferred” he said. Celina nodded and then turned to go change. Then Jackson and Tim followed Grey to his office.
“Okay, I know Nyla and I have been know to be tough on Rookies, and hell I’ve definitely yelled at more than one in my day, but that was harsh, even for her”
“You’ll see why,” said Jackson as they made their way into Grey’s office. He let the door slam close behind him.
“You want to tell me what all that was about!?” he barked as he made his way around his desk and stood in front of her.
“Sir. Officer Juarez put her life in danger. I was trying to reprimand her”
“By screaming like a drill sergeant at her in front of the entire station!?”
“She could’ve gotten herself killed!!”
“So you correct her in a professional way, not humiliation”
“Since when is humiliation not part of the rookie year”
“Since the last five rookies you have trained have all requested to go to different stations after just two weeks with you”
“That's not on me, just because I give them a reality check and you want them to be hand held their enter rookie year”
“That's not what I want, I am trying to look out for these rookies and make sure they make it home everyday”
“Oh really? And how did that work out for West, Chen, and Lopez, cause right now there are THREE officers two of which were rookies who should be here right now who arent and THAT is on you!!” She snapped at Grey. Tim watched as Grey’s face fell and he slumped in his chair.
Nyla just scrunched her face she did in a way she did when she was disappointed.
“Look, give me whatever disciplinary action you want at this point, I don’t care, but I’m done dealing with all of this death and destruction” and with that she turned and left. Tim looked at Grey and was surprised he didn’t say anything. Not even a get out of my office. Instead he saw him open his desk. He took out a photo. It was the whole gang, minus Tim of course, all smiling. Tim saw a single tear fall down Grey’s face. Before shoving the photo back in the drawer and slamming the drawer closed. Then the words Nyla said had started to hit Tim. He knew Jackson was dead, but something happened to Angela, and Lucy .
That thought alone made his heart sink. Something awful had happened to her and she was no longer an officer. Nyla had mentioned death,
“Oh God” Tim thought.
“Jackson” Tim said, “What happened, why is Nyla so angry and what did she mean by what she said?” Jackson sighed and put a hand on his shoulder.
“Come on, I’ll show you” he walked him over to the wall that honored all the fallen officers. He saw Jackson’s, but his End of Watch date was different from his timeline. It was within Jackson’s rookie year.
“In this universe” Jackson started, “I died at the hands of Doug Stanton. Because you weren't here to vouch for me, Sargeant Grey didn’t believe me. But, as you know, I was determined. Doug Stanton still took me to The Manor Apartments. And because you and Lucy weren’t there following and keeping an eye on me, help came too late. I died at the hospital from my injuries.”
“Oh God” said Tim. He saw Percy West walk by, look solemnly at Jackson’s photo, then shot an angry glare towards Grey’s office before he continued his walk.
“My Dad never forgave Grey for it. Their friendship was forever tainted because of this. All because you weren’t there to vouch for me”
“What happened to Lucy, … and Angela” asked Tim, terrified of the answer.
“We’ll get to Lucy later, but first” Jackson pointed, “Angela” and Tim’s heart dropped when he saw Angela’s End of Watch picture not far from Jackson’s.
“Angela,” Tim whispered.
“Come on,” said Jackson. They started walking to what Tim presumed was the cemetery, Jackson saying he’ll explain when they get there. As they passed, he saw a yard with a brown and white pit bull all chained up, looking as sad as can be.
“Kojo,” said Tim sadly.
“You never adopted him, this is where he ended up,” said Jackson.
“But Lucy had him first” countered TIm.
“We’ll get to that later” Tim was dreading what later could mean. They arrived at the cemetery a little while later, Tim dreading what he would find. Jackson stopped him in front of a grave and Tim looked down.
Angela Lopez Evers Weasly Lopez Evers
6-23-1987 - 5-21-21 8-4-1985 - 5-19-21
Baby Boy Evers
Born Sleeping
5-21-21
Together for eternity
Tim felt like the ground was going to suck him in.
“What the hell happened, Jackson”
“When Lopez got taken, they didn’t have they didn’t have enough people or those with the skill set to go get her like they did in your timeline cause you weren’t there. And Grey tried to get federal officials to go get her, but they refused just like they did in your timeline. Nyla had begged to let her and Nolan go, but Grey refused. Weasly went alone. When La Fearia discovered him, she killed him in front of Angela. The event caused Angela to go into labor a few days later. The baby didn’t make it so La Fearia killed Angela.”
Tim was horrified at what he had heard. The situation itself was already so dier, but without him just simply being there, it ended so much worse. Tim got down on one knee and placed his hand on the headstone and lowered his head.
“Angela, I’m sorry. I'm so so so sorry” he started to softly cry when he remembered.
Lucy . Jackson had said it was only going to get worse. Whatever had happened to Lucy was worse than everything else he had seen so far. He felt dizzy and like he was going to throw up.
“Where's Lucy?” Tim asked gravely as he looked up from the grave.
“What?” asked Jackson.
“You heard me,” Tim growled. He stood up quickly, turned and grabbed Jackson by the collar of his jacket.
“Where is she!?!” he demanded. “YOU TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO HER RIGHT. NOW!” Tim roared. Jackson put his hands up and backed away from Tim.
“We're going to Lucy next,” said Jackson. So they left the cemetery and started walking to where Lucy would be. Tim had a thousand thoughts racing through his mind, each one worse than the next. They passed under an underpass where they saw homeless people sleeping. Tim’s heart sank when he noticed a young girl, wrapped up in a blanket, trying to sleep and stay warm.
“Tamara,” he whispered to himself.
“Lucy wasn’t here to take her in,” said Jackson.
“Why? What happened?” Tim asked in a desperate plea.
“You’ll see soon enough”
Sure enough not too much longer later they stopped outside what appeared to be a long term care facility.
“Lucy’s in there?” questioned Tim.
“Yes, she is,” said Jackson.
“Why” asked Tim, “Was she shot?”
Jackson took a breath.
“You never pulled her out of the barrel” was all he said. Tim’s eyes went wide and that was all he needed to hear. He took off running into the facility.
“TIM WAIT!!” yelled Jackson. A nurse leaving for the day opened the door and Tim darted inside. He frantically searched for Lucy. As he was running down, he noticed how sterile and cold the facility looked. It definitely didn’t feel warm or welcoming. Tim felt sick thinking of Lucy being in here. He finally went into a tv room where he saw her. He almost ran past her cause he didn’t recognize her, but it was indeed her. She looked like a shell of herself. He slowly walked towards her, taking her in. She was the only one in the room. Sitting all alone in a cheap looking wheelchair. She was in a hospital gown, an old cardigan, and the socks with grips on them. Her hair was all frizzled out and unkept. She looked pale and had a dazed look in her eyes like she wasn’t processing what was happening on the TV. Her head was slumped slightly to the left. She was breathing, but that was the only movement he could see from her.
“Oh Lucy” said Tim softly as he crouched next to her. “What happened to you baby?” he reached out to tuck some hair behind her ear. That's when she turned towards him and looked at him.
“Can you see me?” he asked.
“AHHHHHHHHHH” Lucy let out a bloody murder scream as soon as her eyes landed on Tim.
“Lucy Lucy Lucy! It's okay it's okay” he tried to reassure her, but she continued to scream at the top of her lungs.
“It's me! It's Tim! I won’t hurt you!” he kept repeating himself, not accepting she didn’t know him. Then he heard the sound of someone running up behind him and looked to see a nurse or an orderly. He saw him roll is eyes.
“Chen’s screaming again” he said, sounding annoyed. Tim shot him a look before someone came in with a needle. The person from before held Lucy down as the nurse struck her in the arm. Lucy squirmed for a bit before immediately calming down and slumping further. Her eyes were half open, but she kept the dazed look.
“Probably seeing things” the nurse grumbled. “Come on, let's get her back into bed.” he started pushing the chair and Tim followed. When they got to the room the Orderly went and pulled back the covers while the nurse parked her wheelchair before taking her sweater off and throwing it on a dresser.
“Grab her knees,” he said. The orderly did so as he slipped his arms under her arm pits. “Okay, lift” Tim watched as they roughly lifted her.
“Hey” Tim snapped, “Be gentle with her” he couldn’t believe how rough they were being. The few times he had picked her up, he was so gentle with her, she often fell asleep in his arms. But these men were carrying her like a rag doll. He saw where her saw her gown opened and got a brief glimpse of her back. He saw it was covered in bruises and bed sores. Then they roughly placed her on the bed with a thud.
“Be careful!” Tim snapped again. He went around to the other side and glared at them as he stroked her head.
“Hey, should we be worried about her family seeing her with those marks?” Tim looked and noticed some more on her legs too.
“Nah” said the nurse “The family pays us money to keep her alive and make her our problem. They never visit”
“Damn” The orderly expressed, but Tim could tell he felt no empathy.
“You know she used to be a cop? Now look at her.”
“Wow, life’s a bitch I guess. Anyways, let's get back to the game” and the two men left the room, passing Jackson on the way out. He walked in steadily as he approached Tim. Tim, however, continued to look at Lucy, with a sad, sympathetic look in his eyes.
“What the hell happened. I thought with me being gone she never would’ve gone out with Caleb”
“You had nothing to do with that,” said Jackson. “Caleb was stalking Armstrong for Rosalind. He was at the bar the night Armstrong, Nolan, and her all met. You had no control. He was bound to meet her, ask her out, and try to kill her.”
“So how did she get like this?”
“You weren’t her TO. Wrigley was. He didn’t pay attention to her like you did. Nyla tried to take her on cause she saw her potential, but before Grey agreed to make the switch, Caleb happened. And because Wrigley hadn’t been paying attention to her like you did, he didn’t know his name or that she went out with him. So, it took us longer to put the pieces together and find her. Nyla was able to find her, but only five minutes after you originally did. In those five minutes, Lucy suffered severe brain damage. She's paralyzed now below the waist. She can sit up, but has very little movement in her hands and arms. She can’t talk anymore or process the environment around her. Sometimes she suffers from hallucinations which causes her to have freakouts. She's also terrified of all men. She's a shell of what she once was.” said Jackson. Tim lowered his head, before returning his gaze to her.
“And no one visits her?” he asked.
“Her parents don’t. After she got out of the hospital, they put her in here and that was it. Nyla comes by once in a while and washes her hair and tries to take care of her since this facility isn’t the best.” Tim had finally had enough. He crawled on top of the covers laying down next to her. He continued stroking her head as she turned towards him. He saw a tear run down her cheek and he gently brushed it away, before running his fingers against her head. He could see her start to relax a little. Jackson stepped closer to him. “Do you see what happens without you Tim? Nolan never becomes the union rep, Angela and Weasly die, I die sooner, Nyla blames Grey for everything, and the guilt eats him alive, Lucy is paralyzed and left alone to rot in this facility. All of this is because you weren’t here. I know you think the world would be a better place without you in it, but it isn’t. The people in your life need you Tim. Yes, you may inadvertently hurt them, but you not being there hurts them more. You are needed and more importantly wanted Tim” Tim sighed, processing what Jackson had told him, before returning his focus to Lucy.
“Lucy, I know you don’t remember me, but I thought you would be better without me, but once again me trying to protect you got hurt. But I promise I will fix all of this. You will be a cop again, I promise, I will undo all of this and get you out of here” He then leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. When he pulled back, he saw she had fallen asleep. He kissed her one last time before getting out of bed as slowly as possible.
“So how do I undo this, Jackson” he looked over his shoulder, but Jackson was gone. “Jackson?” he questioned. He walked out of Lucy’s room calling out for him. “Jackson!” He walked out of the care facility.
“Jackson!!” He started walking back the way they came, stopping by the cemetery and Mid Wilshire, screaming for Jackson, but he never came.
“COME ON JACKSON!!!” he yelled out, “I WANT TO GO BACK, I WANT TO EXIST AGAIN, PLEASE!!!” TIm hadn’t realized it, but he was back at the sight of the accident.
“Please” he begged, “I want to go back, please, bring me back” he cried.
“Tim” he heard his name faintly called. Then he felt dizzy. “Tim!” he heard the voice call again before he stumbled and collapsed to the ground, succumbing to the darkness.
“BRADFORD!!” His eyes shot open. “Oh thank god, you know how to scare the crap out of us you son of a puta” He looked out his broken window and nearly passed out in relief.
“Angela” he gasped.
“Come on, let's get you out. Grey!” Grey then appeared and helped Angela get the door open. As soon as the door opened, Tim jumped out and immediately enveloped Anglea into a hug.
“Woah, glad to see you too Bradford” she said as she hugged him back lightly.
“You’re alive, You’re alive” he whispered.
“Of course I’m alive.” she said as she pulled away. “It was you we were worried about” But all he did was smile at her and pull her into another hug before he pulled away and looked at Grey.
“Bradford, are you alright?” he asked.
“More than, and you’re okay too?”
“Yeah?” he said confused, “Why wouldn’t I be” then Nyla ran up.
“You alright” she asked.
“That depends, you aren’t angry and blaming Grey for everything, right?” Nyla looked at him confused.
“What the hell would’ve I have to blame Grey for”
“Bradford, are you sure you’re alright?” asked Grey.
“I’m better than alright. Where is Lucy?”
“When you didn’t show up to the party and weren’t answering your phone, we all went looking for you. Lucy went to your house” and that's all Tim needed to hear. He took off running with glee. He could hear Grey, Nyla, and Angela shouting behind him to come back and he needed to get checked out, but he didn’t care. He ran all the way back to his house and burst through the door.
“Lucy!!!” he shouted as he entered the house, but no response. “Lucy!!!” he shouted again. Then Kojo came bouncing around the corner. Tim immediately got down and greeted the dog.
“Hey buddy, how are you? I’m so sorry for what I did to you. Have you seen your mom?” He questioned as the happy pooch kissed him. Then he heard his front door open.
“Tim!?” he heard. A simile grew on his face as he immediately knew who it was. He went running into his front room and saw her.
“Lucy” he breathed out. Lucy turned to look at him.
“There you are, where the hell were-” but before she could finish her sentence, Tim had bounded up to her, wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her off the ground. Lucy let out a yelp as he spun her around. “Oh Lucy” he breathed with glee. He felt her hug him back tightly around his neck. Then after a minute he placed her on the ground.
“What's gotten into you and what the hell happened? We couldn’t find you. I came here to find you, but when you weren't here, I left. Then Angela had said they found your car but you weren’t making sense. Then you ran when you found out I was here so I came back” It wasn’t till Lucy got done talking that she noticed he had a blissful smile on his face and was cradling her cheek in his hand.
“Lucy” he said softly, “You’re alright”
“Of course I am, I’m not the one who drove their car off the road. What the hell happened Tim, you’re starting to scare me, do you have a concussion?”
“No, nothing has ever been clearer than it is right now, but come here” he took both her hands and led her to the couch. They sat together.
“Okay, tell me, what's going on?”
“You’re not going to believe me, but I had the George Bailey experience”
“What?” questioned Lucy.
“When I was driving to the party, I was feeling down about how many people I’ve disappointed. Especially you. I started thinking about how you wouldn’t want to see me, and that it would be better if I never existed. Then my car hydroplaned and I went off the road and crashed. When I woke up, Jackson was there”
“What?” questioned Lucy more softly. “Tim, this isn’t funny”
“I’m not trying to be, you know I wouldn’t make something like this up” Lucy nodded, realizing what he was saying was true, he wouldn’t make this up.
“Go on,” she said.
“Jackson showed me what life was like if I never existed. Nolan wasn’t the union rep, Nyla was going overboard with rookies and she and Grey were constantly fighting about tragic events they blamed him for. Doug had killed Jackson, La Fearia had killed Angela and her whole family, Kojo was chained up in a yard, Tamara was homeless, and you…you had suffered severe brain damage from the barrel cause I wasn’t there to rescue you in time. You were paralyzed, alone, abandoned, and being abused in a care facility. And, God Lucy. It was hard to watch. You somehow saw how saw me and were terrified”
“Oh Tim” she said as she reached forward and cupped his cheek. Tim took Lucy’s hand and kissed her palm before taking it in his grasp.
“Then, Jackson disappeared, I searched all over for him, begging to come back and then I woke up and I was back”
“Wow Tim” said Lucy, “It sounds like you had a true It's a wonderful life experience. Did you learn anything”
“I learned that while I may mess up, my life has value, and my loved ones are not better off without me,” Lucy smiled at him.
“Good Tim, I'm glad you realized that”
“Lucy” said Tim as he gently started rubbing her fingers, “I am so so so sorry. Words cannot express how sorry I am for what I did to you. I was trying to protect you from me, thinking you would be better off without me, but as I saw, me doing that doesn't do anything but hurt you. And I know, it’s going to take a lot to get back to where we were, but I will do whatever it takes to prove to you we’re worth it and I will never hurt or leave you again”
“Tim” said Lucy, pausing before continuing, making Tim worry slightly. “You are right, it’s going to take a lot to build that trust back. You hurt me in a way I never thought possible” Tim started to look down in defeat. “But, I am willing to try. Get back to what we had. Maybe be even better than before.” Tim smiled softly at her and she returned it.
“I love you, Lucy Chen”
“I love you too, Tim Bradford” they both leaned in, foreheads meeting, before their lips met in a gentle kiss. Then they heard a bell ring and they looked to the tree Tim had up and noticed a little bell ringing,
“Was Jackson trying to earn his wings and become an angel?” asked Lucy. Tim smiled and nodded.
“A Guardian Angel. I was his last test” Lucy let out a little chuckle.
“Everytime a bell rings, an angel gets his wings,” said Lucy, repeating the line from the movie. Tim smiled and let out another chuckle.
“Atta boy Jackson” Then they both turned and looked at eachother.
“Merry Christmas, Tim” said Lucy, beaming at him. Tim reached forward and tucked some hair behind her ear before cupping her cheek.
“Merry Christmas, Lucy” and then they both leaned in and kissed liked they never had before, with Tim being forever grateful for what he had.