Chapter Text
Peeta is tired. No, he's fed up. His facial muscles ache from so many fake smiles, and his prosthetic makes his leg swell to an unbearable point. The sun is at its peak. The heat makes his curls stick to his face and his skin flush. The fabric of his luxurious button-down shirt is too warm for the District 12 climate, feels like his shirt sticks to his skin and it seems that his skin sticks to his bones in the same way. He pulls at the collar of his shirt, moistens his lips and blinks looking at the sidewalk beneath his feet. Then he gives a brief glance towards the girl next to him. It doesn't help that he has to stand so close to Katniss Everdeen and hug her.
Well...no.
No, actually, the problem isn't that he feels too warm for human contact; at least not quite. He wouldn't mind the discomfort if it meant he could hold the gray-eyed girl forever. But and that's a BIG but, It's the constant reminder that this is all fake that makes him so sick.
A camera light blinds him, bring him back to his reality. Brightly colored heads ask him questions. He answers. The flash blinds him again. He answers and they laugh. They write notes on their tablets. They ask her a question and the cameras point more forcefully, she and the rest turn to him. He has no idea what she said. He just smiles a little, hoping this will be enough. The laughter gets louder. They write. Katniss tenses beside him. A bead of sweat rolls down his temple. He smiles.
He doesn't know how long they've been answering questions from reporters when he finally hears Katniss lean over to whisper to him that they're done. When he turns to thank her, he sees her eyes sparkle with questions, a barely contained curiosity. Apparently, she had noticed his mood today. He tries to give her a smile (which he hopes doesn't look like a grimace) to reassure her, but only succeeds in making her frown. Well, there goes his attempt not to worry her.
He gives a brief glance at the paparazzi still buzzing around and lets out a sigh of relief when he sees that no one else seemed to notice his slip. He lets go of Katniss and steps off the platform before helping her do the same. She thanks him and complains under her breath about the uncomfortable shoes she was forced to wear, but he is no longer listening to her; her voice is a distant echo as he loses herself in his own world. His head was throbbing and all he wanted was to go home, for the first time in a long time, happy that it was completely empty.
He feels someone tugging on his arm and turns to see Haymitch barking orders to him to say goodbye to their team and the rest of the crew. He puts on a charming smile, gives the appropriate handshakes and kisses on the cheeks, he turns around and immediately removes the mask he's been wearing since the beginning of the victory tour.
The rest of the people from the district who came to greet them have also left, so there is no problem waiting for the road to clear. He takes long, almost jogging steps, anxious to get to the village. He supposes he should wait for his fiancée, but the headache has worsened, his clothes are too sticky, and the dull ache in his leg has become so unbearable that he can't get out fast enough. He is thinking about the long warm-shower he will take when someone grabs his shoulder to stop him. Thinking it's Haymitch again he's about to let go and continue when he sees a very angry and agitated Katniss stand in front of him.
-Peeta, what the hell! -I've been calling you for five minutes.
"I'm sorry, I was distracted, I couldn't hear you"
-I noticed. She says, rolling her eyes. The irritation in her voice was evident, so he decided to ignore it, he didn't have time to deal with Katniss Everdeen's mood swings right now.
"Listen, I'm very tired, is it important what you have to tell me? If so, please tell me or let me go"
His last sentence was more dramatic than he intended and his words seem to have had an effect on his companion, because her expression changes. He is curious, but he pushed it down. He is not in the mood to delve into the girl's depths. He really wants to go home. At his answer, she hesitates a little, but then determination appears in her eyes and he knows he can't leave without giving her an answer. He looks up at the too-bright sky that burns his eyes and sighs, looking for the strength to answer her.
- ... wrong?
"Huh?" He had missed part of the question.
-What's wrong? - He open his mouth but before he asks what she means, she continues: -You've been distracted since we left the train, no, since we left the Capitol you've been acting weird and you've hardly talked to anyone, is there something wrong?
Is there something wrong? He repeats the question in his mind and the irritation he's been feeling suddenly rises to the surface, making Katniss jump when she hears the bluntness of his tone.
"It's all wrong, Katniss, but don't worry, I'll be back to being the perfect Peeta soon".
This last comes out as a sneer and he shakes his head in exasperation; he didn't mean to sound so pathetic, but it seems he's reached his limit today. Obviously it wasn't what she expected to hear because in a second Katniss' expression stopped being concerned and now glows with something dangerous, at any other time he would have done anything to erase her but it's too late to take it back and if he's honest with himself he couldn't care less right now.
-You're being a jerk, I just wanted to know what was wrong with you because you're not being yourself, you don't have to take it out on me for whatever is wrong with you.
"That's rich". He mutters to himself and walks around her to continue on his way. He's done with this conversation.
He makes a vague gesture to say goodbye but then Katniss stands in front of him and puts a hand on his chest.
-What was that? Say that again. She demands and he becomes even more irritated.
"Drop it will you, it's nothing. Like I said, I'm just tired." But of course she's not one to listen to orders.
-No. You're going to tell me what's wrong with you, whether we have to stand here all day or not. He runs his hand over his face and through his hair, turning it into a mess of curls, before turning back to Katniss. He's not sure what expression he should put on, but it's clear he's surprised her once again. He repeats the questions over and over in his head and feels the anger like a hot river coursing through his veins so hard he can barely contain himself, so he clenches his fists in a vain attempt. She seems so oblivious, so indifferent with her questions about what's wrong with him, as if she's not the center of everything that happens to him. It's irritating that she seems so serene and so cold, while he crumbles inside like a fragile house of cards, struggling every day to get up and pretend it doesn't hurt that everyone uses him, that she uses him, seeing the girl of his dreams within his reach and, at the same time, so far away. All this while she makes marriage suggestions to him as if she's not breaking his heart all over again.
He feels that twitch in his jaw that only happens when he's truly angry and knows he has to leave immediately if he doesn't want to say or do something he'll later regret. But then, as has been proven since birth, the odds are not in his favor.
"Catnip ey!" Gale Hawthorne. The last face he would ever want to see appears in his vision a few feet away. As if it's a cruel joke. He doesn't want to, but watches her reaction. Katniss looks surprised to see him, but there's no trace of displeasure or discomfort whatsoever. He has to blink hard several times to shoo the red mist from his eyes. Today is definitely not his day. The last thing he needed was to see the pair of hunters gather in front of him. He sees the tall boy walk towards them and he knows it. He knows that, as soon as he's in front of her, Katniss won't pick up the conversation and walk away with the boy. With every step, he can see him back in his overgrown house, painting his nightmares when it become impossible to go back to sleep, baking bread that he'll share with an old drunk and pretending not to see out the window the black-haired girl come back from the woods with him. It's a routine he already knows, one he's lived for six months after the first games, and it's so depressing that he suddenly can't bear the thought of doing it again. He feels sick just thinking about what the two of them will do on the other side of the fence. Yes, he remembers her telling him it had only been a kiss, once, but it still pains him to have to share her lips with someone else, someone he knows she may grow to love, if she doesn't already.
Suddenly, the thought of them kissing or him comforting her when she has nightmares becomes so unbearable that he has to do something, anything. And he's already so tired. He's done everything he can to make her feel comfortable, putting his feelings aside to be her friend, all so that she'll push him aside again the moment they get home. He hates the way she sometimes makes him feel expendable. But what he hates most is the way he lets her do it every time. Sometimes she is so cruel....
Maybe he can be selfish for once too. So he makes his decision and pulls Katniss close when Gale is just a few steps away from them. He pulls her close by the nape of her neck to plant his lips firmly, hears her startled noise and tries to pull away, but he presses himself tighter against her, his other hand coming up to cup her cheek and caress it. Seeing that she doesn't pull away, he changes the angle of the kiss to deepen it and make it more comfortable. He is so focused on pouring out all his anger, frustration and longing, trying to reach her, to make her understand, when Katniss softens against him and responds to the kiss. So surprised is he!.
He expected her to push him away or slap him, but he doesn't have time to question it: instead, he drops the hand he had on his cheek to grab her around the waist. Katniss's hands, which had been in fists on his shirt, are now in his hair and he feels a shiver as she tugs a little. He decides to test her limits by caressing her lower lip with his tongue. She gasps in surprise and he takes the opportunity to taste her. She's inexperienced at it, he realizes, excitement bubbling in his chest knowing he's the first to kiss her like this. He still respects her though, and realizing she's a little reluctant and unsure, he's ready to pull back, but then she surprises him again by opening her mouth for him. He feels himself burning as the two collide and a completely different heat runs through him; he vaguely wonders if she feels the same.
They don't know how long they spend exploring each other, totally oblivious to the world around them, lost in each other. When the need for air hits, he doesn't want to pull away and, to his absolute delight, Katniss is reluctant too, judging by how she squeezes impossibly closer to him. They keep going a little longer, but eventually they have to pull apart. Both are shaken and trembling when they do, the realization hit them at the same time open their eyes wide, aware for the first time of what they've just done and where they are. Peeta knows he got too carried away, but he can find neither guilt nor regret in himself. But he knows it may not be the same for her. It wasn't planned and now he must remember why it started. He doesn't want his heart to break when he sees her face, so he reaches up to her ear to put an end to his outburst. His voice still hoarse when he whispers:
"I hope you can taste me when you kiss him"
And with that said he leaves, not waiting to see her reaction, but he does make sure to take a brief glance at Gale, who, it seems, didn't leave at any point in their exchange and stands like a statue in the middle of the road. He savors the image of the furious boy, fists clenched at his sides, helpless and speechless. For the first time, Gale Hawthorne knew what Peeta had been feeling all those months. It's bittersweet. But he's still pleased. A tiny smile creeps across his face and he finally continues on his way to the victors' village with the ghost of their kisses still present on his lips.
Already in bed, after taking that shower and applying the ointment to his leg, he reviews the events of the last few hours. A slight feeling of guilt settles in his chest as he realizes how much he enjoyed seeing the hurt on Gale's face. It's a bit of a shock to discover this part of himself, but he finds that it doesn't affect him as much as he thought it would. He had always thought that if he acted this way, he would be crushed by guilt and remorse, but it's not quite like that. He doesn't know how to feel about it with this new discovery, so he dismisses it immediately. He wants to enjoy his brief but significant success.
Because, yes, thanks to that kiss he also discovered many things about Katniss Everdeen that he NEVER would have imagined.
Like the way she melted into his kiss and pressed against him, not to mention when she let him take control to explore her mouth. Katniss is stubborn and does not like to be left behind. He thought she would try to prove she could do it, but she was so tender and responsive, like she was trying to catch the trick to make him feel good too. She left him feeling warm and wanted...even loved. He shakes his head fiercely, he couldn't get his hopes up. Not again.
Now, he keeps thinking about the last words he said to her and oh! how he wishes they would come true. He hopes that kiss marked her lips in such a way that every time they kiss she only thinks of him and he feels like their are used kisses. It's petty and possessive, maybe a little childish and he knows it, but he's realized something in these hours: that he'd do it all over again.
He finally tries to sleep, and he tries, He really tries to focus on his rival's tormented expression, wanting to savor a little more before the day is over, because he knows that despite his small triumph, tomorrow he will be with her and he will be alone. Except that he fails.
He fails, because when he finally closes his eyes, all he can think about is her olive skin, her smoky eyes, and her red, puffy lips.