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When it came to the holidays, Ripper knew his record wasn’t the greatest. Coming from a home as messed up as his, the whimsical fun and spirit of the Christmas season that other kids got to experience was almost completely foreign to him. To say his childhood was far from pleasant would be putting it delicately. His parents rarely paid any attention to him or his brothers, and this day was no different.
The little energy he had left over from constantly pushing back against them was spent making sure his brothers had some semblance of a good day. It was what they deserved, he thought. They were just kids, they deserved to have something, and as the eldest, he felt like it was his responsibility to give it to them. He might not have gotten anything, but he lied and acted like he didn’t care. Aside from getting his brothers one or two small gifts, Ripper always felt that there wasn’t much else special about Christmas. To him, it was just another day, and he saw no reason to make a big deal out of it.
But not this year.
This year, it was Isla’s first Christmas, and he swore to himself that he was going to do everything in his power to make sure it was a good one. Ever since the day she was born, he’d promised that he’d give her everything he’d always wanted but never got. Unconditional love, affection, support, all of it. His little girl was one of the best things in his life, and he would never let her forget it. Now with Christmas coming up, Ripper felt a new sort of conviction to keep that promise.
In addition, this would also be his first Christmas without his Nonna. For as crappy as the first eighteen years of his life had been, she was the one who made it somewhat bearable. Her visits during the holiday season were what helped him feel at least a little bit of love, joy, and hope. Now that she was gone, he wanted to carry that light she’d brought to his life with him for as long as possible. She had done so much for him, and now it was his turn to pass it on.
While determining how he wanted to go about it, Ripper initially figured he would probably fare better if he stuck with what he knew, also known as trying to do the whole thing himself. Just for right now, anyways. Axel always worked so hard to take care of Isla and support their family, he didn’t want to bother her with anything unnecessary. Plus, he figured it would be a nice surprise for her and Isla to wake up to later.
Waking up early that morning to start, he felt confident he could do it himself. Their tiny apartment was small enough to decorate in a reasonable amount of time. A wreath on the door, maybe a snowman or a Santa figurine or two by the windows and the counter, a few lights here and there, and of course, the tree in the living room. Ripper knew that the tree would have to be a later decision, but everything else should’ve been fine. While everything else flowed smoothly as expected, he unfortunately underestimated just how tangled the Christmas lights would be.
“Ugh, come on, come on,” he muttered frustratedly to himself, trying and failing to untie them, “Gah! How do people do this?”
He heard the lock to his and Axel’s bedroom door click, and the door opened. Uh oh. It seemed his little surprise wasn’t going to stay a surprise for much longer.
“Ripper? Babe, what are you doing up so early?” Axel asked sleepily, yawning and rubbing her eyes as she was still just waking up.
“Oh! Uh, nothing…” he chuckled sheepishly, turning around to face her, “Sorry, Axe. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“Nah, I was already awake,” she shook her head, before eyeing his work on the table, “But that sure doesn’t look like nothing. Come on, what’s going on?”
He sighed, “I was trying to decorate so that the apartment would be all done by the time you and Isla woke up. I wanted to surprise you two.”
“Aw, babe,” she smiled softly, “you didn’t have to do all that by yourself. You could’ve just asked me, I would’ve helped you.”
“Yeah, I know, but…” he trailed off, avoiding eye contact with her. He knew she knew about his past (it would’ve been hard for her not to, considering they had been together for upwards of two years now and had a daughter and all), but he’d been relatively quiet on this specific part of it. He hoped that she wouldn’t pick up on anything, but by now, he knew her better than that. Her instincts were on point, and nothing got past her.
She raised an eyebrow, but kept her expression from looking too accusatory,
“But what? Ripper, it’s okay, you can tell me.”
He nodded, knowing he’d feel better once she knew the whole truth. “Okay, so…Christmas wasn’t really great for me growing up. My parents always made it all about themselves, as per usual. I learned early on that it was stupid for me to expect anything else from them. I always worked my ass off so I could try and get my brothers something so they wouldn’t have to face the disappointment I did. My Nonna was one of the only people who would even bother to do something for us, but even doing the best she could, it was still rough. Thanks to all of that, I thought I was fine with just skipping it, but…turns out I’m not. Not anymore, anyways.”
Axel looked sympathetic as he described his less than stellar past, but her curiosity sparked at the last part, “Wait, what do you mean ‘not anymore’?”
“I mean…now that we have Isla,” he explained, “I kinda want to do what my parents didn’t, you know? She’s my kid, she deserves the world. And I want to give it to her. I want her to have all the good stuff I didn't have as a kid. You get it, right?”
“Yeah, I do. Of course I do,” Axel nodded empathetically, “It makes sense. But that still doesn’t explain why you were trying to do all this stuff all by yourself.”
“It’s just how I’ve always done it, you know,” he shrugged, “I’m used to having to do it on my own for my brothers and stuff, so I thought this shouldn’t be that much different.”
“Well I’ve got news for you, babe,” Axel took a firm seat beside him, “You’re not on your own anymore. We’re a team now, remember? So we’re in it together. I’m not mad or anything, just want you to know you can talk to me, okay?”
“Okay,” he nodded back, “Sorry, Axel. You’re right. From now on, we do it together.”
“Glad to hear it, babe. Now where were we?”
As Axel took her place beside Ripper and helped him finish on the decorating, they got to talking about the good memories they had of the holidays.
“My Nonna was the one who always tried to make the holidays special for us. She made the best lasagne, and I don’t know what she put in the cookies she used to make, but just…wow.” He smiled, remembering his grandmother fondly, “Best thing I’ve ever tasted. I’m really glad I still have all her recipes because I definitely want Isla to be able to experience it. And what about you, Axe? Any cool traditions you’re planning on for this year?”
“Well, my abuela and aunts and uncles and cousins usually either visit or call us, but with all the craziness that’s gone down this past year and a half, it’ll probably be a smaller crowd. But you already know we’re still going over to my moms’ for Christmas morning. Other than that there’s not much else except…” she paused, trying to remember, “Oh, yeah. I can’t believe I almost forgot, I’m definitely planning on reading Isla ‘The Night Before Christmas’ before bed on Christmas Eve.”
Ripper raised a surprised eyebrow, “Really? Huh. I wouldn’t have expected that from you. Not like it’s weird or anything, but I thought you struggled with reading and stuff.”
“Yeah, I do, but it’s also just basically a really long poem, which I like way better,” she nodded, “Besides, my mom used to read it to me and my brothers every year right before we’d go to bed. Even though I basically have it memorized by now, she actually gave me my own copy a couple weeks ago so now I can read it to Isla.”
“Wow, that sounds awesome,” Ripper smiled at the love of his life, before an idea popped into his head, “Oh! Hey, babe?”
“Yeah?”
“What if we did both our traditions and maybe made some of our own for just us and Isla?”
“Hmmmm,” Axel mused, pondering the idea, “not a bad plan. You have anything specific in mind?”
“Not much yet, but I was thinking, for starters, y’know, we still need a tree. And it’s been a while since you’ve gotten to use your axe, Axel.”
She grinned, “Now that I can get behind. I know a place not too far from us. We’ll hit it up later today. It’ll give us time to think up other stuff we can do, just the three of us.”
“You’re the best, babe,” he grinned as he took her hand, “And I’m glad I get to do all of this with you.”
“Me too, Ripper. Me too.” Axel looked into his eyes lovingly, their sweet moment interrupted by Isla softly fussing from down the hall. Ripper laughed softly as he got up to get her.
“Well, looks like all of us decided to wake up early today. I’ll go get her.” He stopped momentarily before heading down the hallway, “You ready for this, Axel?”
“With you? I’m ready for anything.”
The next few days were nothing short of magical. In giving Isla a great first Christmas, Ripper felt like it was his first as well. For what was the first time, he felt like he didn’t have to worry about carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders around the holidays. His parents weren’t there to torment him, his brothers were taken care of, everything was the way it was supposed to be. It felt good to feel like he could just breathe and enjoy the season. The past was the past, and it still stung a little, but getting to do this with the woman who loved him unconditionally and the daughter who always looked up at him with happiness and admiration in her tiny eyes made it all feel like nothing but a distant memory. He wished he could’ve gone up to that sad, scared little boy ten years ago and said, “Don’t give up, kid. You’re gonna find the people who really love you, I promise.”
He and Axel tried almost every tradition they could think of with Isla and cherished every memory they made with her. Watching her get to experience different aspects of the holidays—like snow, seeing Santa for the first time, or watching as Axel put a star on the tree—for the first time was beautiful, with things they thought of as normal and just plain traditional bringing so much curiosity and joy to her little face. Every time they saw her smile or heard her cute laugh, they remembered exactly why they did it. In addition, their friends were more than happy to help them out. When Ripper and Axel told them exactly what they were doing, many of them were excited and said they would all pitch in in any way they could to make it a success. Within a few hours, their apartment looked like something fresh out of a Hallmark movie. Stockings were hung neatly by the mantle, prettily wrapped presents sat patiently under the tree, and the whole place seemed to glow with the warmth and love of the season.
After a wonderful Christmas Eve of baking cookies, tree decorating, and of course, opening an early present or two, it was bedtime for Isla. As Axel rocked her to sleep and told her the story she’d heard so many times, she smiled fondly, remembering the times when she was small and her own mother had done the same for her.
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all, a good night. The end.” Axel finished, glancing down sweetly at her daughter as she started to drift off to sleep in her arms. Planting a few soft kisses to Isla’s forehead and snuggling her close to her chest, Axel gently set her down in her crib. “Goodnight, baby. Merry Christmas, I love you, and I’ll see you in the morning.”
Dimming the lights as she walked out, she smiled as she walked back to the living room and sat beside Ripper on the couch.
“She’s fast asleep,” she said as she snuggled into Ripper’s embrace, “So? How do you feel?”
“Actually,” Ripper smiled, “that felt…awesome. Now I kinda get why everyone likes this day. Plus, it was really cool getting to do all that stuff with Isla. I know she’s probably not gonna remember most of it later because she’s a baby and all that, but I hope that when she’s old like us, she’ll get to see pictures and see all the awesome stuff we did together.”
“Oh, yeah, she’s definitely going to. And she’s gonna remember even more how hard her dad worked to make sure she felt extra loved on her first Christmas.” Axel grinned, kissing him on the cheek, “Hey, and I mean that. You should feel really proud yourself.”
“What for?” Ripper asked incredulously, “It’s not like it takes some kind of rocket scientist to string up a bunch of lights and decorate a tree. Plus, like you said, we’re in it together. We both did it.”
“Yeah, true, we did,” Axel nodded, “But you’re the one who went above and beyond for this. Plus, I know it was probably a hard day for you, you know, with…everything. But you really stepped up for our girl. I know I’m proud of you, Ripper. And I know your Nonna would be really proud of you too.”
That got a small gasp out of Ripper, “You…you really think so?”
“Babe, I know so.” she took his hand tenderly, running her free hand through his fluffy brown hair. She closed her eyes and planted a soft kiss on his lips. He leaned into it, stroking her face gently. After a few seconds, their lips parted, and he opened his eyes and turned his gaze back to her.
“God,” he whispered, “I know I say this a lot, but I love you, Axel. I really, really do.”
“Love you too, babe.” She beamed softly, “Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas to you too, Axe. Here’s hoping it’ll be the first of many.”
They spent the rest of the night snuggled up together, enjoying the quiet and each other’s company. Ripper grinned as he wrapped his arms around Axel. With the Christmas lights shimmering and the two girls he loved more than anything by his side, he now felt like he truly understood why people called it the most wonderful time of the year.