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The BAU team were spread out around the round table, waiting for Hotch to appear to share the case with them. In the meantime they were discussing their plans for the upcoming December holiday.
“I’m starting my yearly movie marathon which
always ends with ‘miracle on 34th street’ on christmas day, AKA the best christmas movie known to man!” Penelope beamed, the very thought of her holiday season plans filling her with excitement. “How about you Jayje?” She turned to her best friend who appeared to be deep in thought.
“What? Oh- I don’t really celebrate.” JJ replied, glancing down at the floor wishing for the topic to be forgotten.
Penelope noticed the blonde’s deflated demeanour but knew better than to push in front of the team and quickly moved on to a story of the time Derek sent her a card with a photo of him in nothing but light up bauble underwear.
The group laughed, but one person couldn’t concentrate on anything but JJ . Emily subtly reached for the younger woman’s hand under the table until her eyes travelled upwards to meet the brunette’s. JJ gave her a small smile and a nod to let her know she was okay, but Emily knew she couldn't let it go so easily, and was already devising a plan to cheer the woman up. She silently locked the information she had discovered to the back of her mind and saved it for a later date.
The conversation was abandoned when Hotch began the briefing and the team of professionals gave their full attention to the man standing before them.
A few weeks passed and soon enough it was christmas eve, the team had managed to get a few days off, a particularly heavy case giving them some time to recover at home with their loved ones.
JJ was home alone, nonchalantly skipping through tv channels trying to find something to drown out the noise in her mind. She used to love Christmas, the joy and laughter it brought her. The gift giving, spending quality time with the people she loved. That was until Ros died and suddenly everything seemed so quiet, she had hated being home at the holidays, waking up on Christmas morning knowing her favorite person wouldn’t emerge from the room next to hers.
Her Mom didn’t make an effort either, too sad to care about making anything magical for her youngest daughter. And why would she? JJ had stopped believing in magic the moment she found her best friend laying in that tub lifeless.
The magic of Christmas was for children, and JJ had learned from a young age that she couldn't simply be a child anymore, the world was far too cruel for her to keep having the same faith little JJ had put into it. Christmas was just another reminder that other girls her age had complete, happy families to celebrate with, and all she had was a Mom who had forgotten how to be one.
As she grew older she stopped spending Christmas with her Mom, or anyone for that matter. She treated it like it was just another day and tried her best to get through it by herself, the way she had been taught to.
She assumed that this year wouldn’t be any different, that was until a soft knock echoed through her apartment. Confused, she walked over to the wooden door and placed her eye through the peephole. Her face immediately softened when she noticed brunette bangs and a cheerful face on the other side.
Opening the door to reveal Emily in full, she couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. “Merry Christmas Jayje!” She smiled, opening her arms to embrace the blonde.
JJ hugged her back, secretly relieved to have some company on a difficult day. If she was honest with herself, she wasn’t relieved to have just any company, she was relieved to have Emily’s company.
Ever since Emily had joined the team there was something about her that JJ felt drawn to, she knew she was safe with the older woman. It was hard to grasp at first, the concept that some people just care about you with no conditions. Her own Mother made her feel as though she had to earn her love, but Emily cared for her as if it were the easiest thing in the world.
“Come in” JJ ushered her inside, taking her coat and hanging it up as she led them to the couch. “What brings you here?”
“Oh you know, I had a Prentiss Christmas event where Mother showed me off to her rich friends and I had enough of the fake smiles, I decided I wanted to spend the day with someone who actually knows me” Emily shrugged as if it was nothing, but JJ felt as though her heart was about to beat out of her chest at the knowledge that Emily had bailed on a fancy party for her.
“Won’t your Mom notice you’re not there?” JJ questioned.
“Honestly? she hardly notices when I am there” The brunette laughed, although JJ recognised the self-deprecating humor and her heart sank at the realisation that her friend had felt a similar loneliness in her home.
“I’m sorry Em, families are tough” she placed a comforting hand on top of Emily’s, rubbing her thumb across the soft skin.
“You know what I find always makes me feel a bit better? Wine” Emily announced as she pulled an expensive looking red wine from her bag. “I stole it from the party before I left”
“Of course you did” JJ laughed at her friend’s antics, standing up to grab two glasses.
A few glasses of wine later and the pair were squashed together on the couch, JJ’s leg having slid on top of Emily’s at some point. Neither woman mentioned it, both just enjoying each other’s company and how effortless things felt between them.
Sharing anecdotes from their childhood christmases, they found that they had more in common than they realised, a strange comfort shared between the two at their unfortunate upbringings.
“Mother found me in her office kissing one of her associate’s daughters and just about lost her mind” Emily chuckled as she recalled one party from her teenage years.
One part of the story especially struck JJ, she wasn’t aware that her friend was attracted to women. How could that be? Had it never come up in conversation?
Now that she thought about it, a lot of things fell into place about Emily. Since JJ had known the woman, she had never seen her go on a date with a man. She had just assumed that she wasn’t the dating type, choosing to keep her private life private.
The blonde couldn’t help but stare at her friend in wonder, the newfound information setting off a fire within her. All these years that she had spent concealing her longing stares and stolen glances at the brunette, scolding herself for her feelings and the possibility that she could ruin their friendship.
All these years she had been hard on herself for her queerness, wishing for nothing but a friend to confide in, and one had been right in front of her eyes.
Shakily, she spoke up. “Wait Em, you’re queer?” She questioned, still in shock at the revelation.
Emily chuckled nonchalantly. “Jayje, are you serious? You’ve known me this long and you couldn’t tell I was into women?”
JJ shrugged her shoulders, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she wrapped her head around the revelation.
“All this time I thought I was the only queer in the BAU, but another one was right under my nose” The younger woman laughed, finding the humour in the situation.
Emily laughed with her, before a realisation hit her. “Wait, so you’re telling me you didn’t know I was flirting with you this entire time?”
“WHAT?!” JJ’s eyes widened, refusing to believe that the situation she was in was real. The woman she’d harboured feelings for for as long as she could remember was admitting that she had been flirting with her? It couldn’t be.
The blonde would have played off Emily’s words as a joke had it not been for the intense look in the brunette’s eyes. It felt like everything was clicking into place as JJ connected the dots.
“Jayje, i’ve wanted this since I met you” Emily started. “I didn’t think you felt the same way so I backed off, having you in my life as a friend was better than losing you if you didn’t feel the same way”
JJ had tears spilling down her cheeks, still struggling to trust that she wasn’t dreaming. She took the warmth in her chest as a signal that she was well awake.
“Em-“ Was all she managed to get out, unable to string words together when it felt as though her entire life had changed with a sentence.
“Wait, don’t say anything yet” Emily ordered, moving to get something out of her bag. JJ watched in confusion, wondering what her friend was up to.
When the brunette stood up she revealed something green in her hand that JJ quickly identified as a mistletoe. At the realisation at what she was about to, JJ couldn’t stop the smirk from spreading across her face.
At that moment JJ knew that no matter how much their friendship was about to change, that they would be okay. Despite it all, Emily was still her best friend who would steal a mistletoe from her mother’s party if it meant putting a smile on her face.
The older woman lifted the mistletoe above their heads and grinned. Within moments soft hands were covering Emily’s cheeks and she felt herself being pulled in, lips blanketing her own. After her brain had adjusted to what was happening she kissed back immediately, throwing the mistletoe to the side to place her own hands on JJ’s cheeks.
They kissed until they both needed to gasp for air, their foreheads resting against each other. They took a moment to breathe each other in, just relaxing in the embrace and how it felt to hold each other close.
It was JJ who spoke first, speaking words that caused a massive grin to spread throughout the older woman’s face.
“Best Christmas ever.”