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It’s been hard for Ochako to get to sleep on time. She always has overtime these days. There’s always more paperwork to do, there’s always another kid to check up on, there’s always someone to save.
It’s always nights like these when she sees her. Maybe not for long, maybe just a glimpse, but anything’s better than nothing. It’s salve on a wound, it’s solace in a storm.
When Ochako leaves her office that night, that’s the thought that spurs her home. She’s so excited she’s worried it will be difficult to get to sleep, but the fatigue of the day wears her down and takes her to sleep within minutes.
Ochako feels her breath hitch. She’s standing in their wide field, tree behind her, feather in her fingers. She’s so beautiful. She's always beautiful. Seeing her feels like home. Just being in her presence is a reassurance.
Himiko doesn’t smile when she looks up. She walks over, then sits on her knees in front of Ochako. She places one hand on her thigh before looking up.
“Can I...”
Ochako hurries to sit down in front of her. “Yes. Anything. I promised you.”
Himiko gives her a look that she can’t comprehend. It’s not a happy one, or an angry one, it’s almost... sad.
Ochako lifts her wrist. Himiko pushes it away and touches her neck instead. She looks up at Ochako for approval. She nods, leaning in closer for Himiko.
She promised her.
Himiko comes closer, eventually straddling Ochako’s thigh. Every movement is slow.
When Himiko bites her, it hurts, obviously, but not how she’d expected it to. She can feel tension in her chest she didn’t know she didn’t know she’d been holding unravel. It’s been a while since Ochako’s been asleep long enough to dream of this, she guesses.
Himiko doesn’t suck blood out of the bite like she used to. She only laps up what bleeds out. She’s gentle. Too gentle. It’s unlike her.
“Himiko-”
“Shh.”
Himiko doesn’t transform into Ochako when they do this anymore. Himiko doesn’t have a body to transform. She doesn't have blood to transform. She doesn't have DNA to alter.
Still, her tongue is prodding, searching, exploring. It must only cover a diameter of 4 inches, but god is she focused. She changes the shape and pressure of her tongue periodically, feeling the give and texture of Ochako’s skin. Ochako gasps and can’t help running her fingers through Himiko’s hair. The noises should sound lewd to her, and they are in a lewd position, but Ochako finds it more romantic.
Maybe Ochako is only fooling herself, though. Himiko’s knee has come to rest against Ochako’s pelvis, and as Himiko noses into her neck, she moves her hips against Ochako’s thighs to the same rhythm as her tongue. Forward and back and forward again. Himiko’s hand ghosts over Ochako’s other thigh, not quite touching but not not touching (why won’t she grip her?)
Himiko’s tongue slows eventually. The blood must be petering out. Finally, Himiko’s lips come off Ochako’s skin with a pop, in a way that could almost be a kiss (why isn’t it a kiss??). She doesn’t smile up at Ochako like she usually does, though. She keeps her eyes on the bite mark, moving to run her thumb over it. Her hips are still moving, but not half as much as they had been.
“Why won’t you-”
“Mark you?”
Ochako nods, dazed.
“Because you aren’t mine.”
Something about that is off. It’s a reasonable thing to say, maybe, but Himiko’s never worried about anything like this before. This shouldn’t even be crossing her mind.
Ochako doesn't like it. She's obviously upset, so, Ochako forces herself to be blunt. “Himiko, I think about you every day, I imagine you behind me in reflections, I-I dedicated my entire career to you, my worldview evolved just to fit you into it, I do everything with you in mind, your blood is literally running through my veins and keeping me alive, you’re- you’re rutting against my thigh right now–how much more can I belong to you?”
Himiko smiles at her. No teeth, though. Still, Ochako drinks it up like nectar from the gods themselves.
“You’ve got Izuku-kun for that now,” Himiko says as she noses along Ochako’s spit-soaked neck. She sniffs coagulating blood before planting a chaste kiss on top of it (something, thank goodness.)
Ochako resists the urge to scoff. “He would never mark me, Himiko. You know that. He can’t give that to me.”
“Would you want it? To be marked?”
“Well, technically you’ve already marked me. What’s another to the collection?”
It takes her a moment to get it. Then, Himiko laughs. Her teeth peek out this time while her eyes crease. There it is. “Ochako-chan, battle scars don’t count.”
“It wasn’t a battle for me.” Ochako sighs, content. She made her smile.
Himiko giggles as she kisses her cheek. “Oh yeah? So what was it?"
Ochako giggles back. “An intervention, maybe? I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking about hurting you, or even really about defeating you, so it couldn’t have been a battle.” Her face falls flat. “You didn’t have a problem marking me or scarring me back then. What’s different now?” Am I not enough anymore?
“You’re with Izuku-kun,” Himiko says, teeth grazing Ochako’s skin, but not biting, not hurting, not marking.
Oh.
“It’s not really... like that, though,” Ochako says.
Himiko furrows her brows. “Explain.”
“We don’t... I don’t know. We aren’t serious. It’s just dates.”
“Then get serious.”
“What? It’s not that easy. I don’t even know if I want him like that, or if he wants me.”
Himiko does finally bite Ochako for that, but it doesn’t feel as deep or as loving as it should. It’s not going to mark. “Ochako.” Oh, she’s mad. “Ochako. Do you know how much energy it took for me to materialize in front of you while you were awake? Do you know how much effort I used to push you into him? Are you telling me I did all that just for you to not be serious about him?”
“I... didn’t ask you to do that.”
“But you needed me to. You needed him.”
Ochako leans back to put a bit of distance between them. “Needed? Needed? No, I don’t need him. I’m a grown woman. I don’t need a relationship. I’m not a teenager anymore.”
Himiko startles back. Ochako's not a teenager anymore. But Himiko will always be a teenager. She’s stuck like this, here, only in the recesses of Ochako’s mind, forever. It hurts how much smaller Himiko is than her now. It hurts how different their perspectives are. It hurts that Himiko’s clothing is so reminiscent of a middle school uniform.
It can’t be easy for Himiko, either. They bicker like this sometimes. Ochako has gained maturity that can only come with eight years of growing up. Sometimes she’s too old to care about issues that are extremely important to Himiko, which frustrates her to no end. It’s impossible for Himiko to comprehend not caring about all these little things.
Obviously, this is another of those things.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know you didn’t.” Himiko spits. She slides off of Ochako’s thigh to sit on the grass instead, her knees against her own chest. Already Ochako misses her warmth. “Whatever. I just– it’s been eight years. You have to move on. I love you. I’ll always love you. I don’t want to leave you... but it’s been eight years. My blood’s bound to run out of you eventually. I–” Tears well up in her eyes. Ochako moves forward to wipe them away, then she cups Himiko’s face in her hands. “I can feel myself fading sometimes. I’m going to fade for good one day, so you need to move on. I don’t want to trap you with me, and I don't want you stuck up on me. I want you to live your life how you want to. You’ve been in love with Izuku-kun since you were fifteen. It’s been nine years. I don’t want you hung up on me, and I don’t want to hold you back.”
Ochako grips Himiko’s face harder while her thumb brushes away any leaking tears. Oh. Oh. That’s a lot. Where on earth does she start?
The easy part, she guesses. “If I get into a relationship with him just because you want me to, am I living life how I want to?”
“Again, you’ve been in love with him for nine years. That’s almost a decade. How would you ever get in a relationship with him just because I wanted you to?”
“He isn’t my priority. He hasn’t been for a long, long time. I don’t want him distracting me. Maybe, maybe, when I’ve accomplished everything I need to, I’ll go to him, but for right now, being with him doesn’t accommodate how I want to live.”
Himiko snorts. It’s the self deprecating kind. A bastardization of Himiko’s usual smile. It rots something inside of Ochako. “And what kind of life do you want to live? Sleeping in your office? Only socializing at work? Coming home late every single night with bags underneath your eyes? Talking to ghosts inside your head?”
“I like how things are right now. I like my job. I like the work that I’m putting into my job. I like the results that I’m getting out of my job. And I love talking to the ghost inside my head.”
Himiko chokes out a laugh, a few more tears falling down her soft, warm skin. She feels so alive, deep inside Ochako’s dreams.
“I don’t know why you’re so stuck on this me dating Deku-kun thing,” Ochako says. “I would’ve expected you to be a little more possessive.”
“Then you don’t really know me at all. I want you to be free. Even if I was alive, I wouldn’t hold you back from him.”
“I am free. You aren’t holding me back. I choose you. Monogamy isn’t a prison.”
“We aren’t really together. Don’t talk like we are.”
Right.
Ochako swallows.
“I don’t want to get over you, Himiko.”
Himiko looks up. “What?”
Ochako places her forehead on Himiko’s shoulder. Carefully. She’s practically in Himiko’s lap. Ochako doesn’t initiate, not ever. It’s always been up to Himiko to touch. Carefully, she places a kiss on Himiko’s neck.
“You make me better. You give me a reason to keep working. Every time I’ve had a long day at work, or when I’m working with a particularly hard kid, I remember you, and I remember what I’m working for,” Ochako trembles. “Maybe it’s not healthy to keep... thinking like this. I guess I’m still in the denial stage of grief. Maybe I shouldn’t work so hard. Maybe I should go to the doctor for hallucinations, or something. Maybe I should get out more. But I want to make a world safe for you. Not just safe, I want to make a world that welcomes you. Otherwise, what was the point to any of this at all? Why have so many lost their lives? Why did you lose your life?
And... I love you, Himiko. I love being with you. I love thinking about you. I love looking at you. I love your smile. I love your laugh. I love it when you drink my blood. I don’t care what that means for me. I don’t care. I don’t care if I’m stuck on you for another hundred years.
And–and, if you aren’t stuck with me, if–if you do fade, that’s okay too, because, Himiko, I’m going to see you again one day. We will be together again, and it won’t be for brief moments like this.”
Himiko’s eyes well up in tears. Not for her own sake, but for Ochako’s. “No, you won’t.”
Ochako feels her own eyes begin to wet. She grips Himiko’s hand in her own. “Yes, I will. Any afterlife I might get won’t be worth it if you won’t be there with me.”
“Ochako, I–people like me–we don’t–”
“They’ll understand. Whatever–or whoever–they’ll understand. And they’ll see me, and my actions, and they’ll know that they were all because of you. Nothing–Himiko, nothing– none of the good that I’m doing right now would be happening without you. And if you aren’t there, I’ll find you. Doesn’t matter where you are. I’ll get to you.”
Tears are running down her face. Damn it, tears. “Don’t give me false hope.”
“I’m not, I promise. I promise you, Himiko.” Ochako trembles, hesitates, and finally, leans forward to plant a kiss on Himiko’s lips.
Himiko gasps, and it must take her a second to understand what’s going on, because at first, she doesn’t kiss back. When Ochako realizes, she starts to pull back, but Himiko puts a hand to her neck to keep her in place as she finally, finally, kisses back.
It’s sweet and hard and maybe a little desperate. Himiko moves her hand away from the back of Ochako’s neck and towards her jaw, caressing her cheek with her thumb. She bites down on Ochako’s lips, hard enough to draw blood, and Ochako can’t help but smile when she feels Himiko suck it up. Her lips are going to bruise.
Suddenly, Himiko pulls back. She’s smiling, good, but her eyes are a little sad. “Any marks I make won’t show up on your actual body, will they?”
Ochako’s own smile falters. No, no bites Himiko’s made before have manifested on her awake body. “Probably not.”
Himiko’s smile widens. “Then I guess I can mark you wherever I want, hero,” she says as she leans forward again. A shiver runs down Ochako’s back. This time, Himiko’s lips don’t go to Ochako’s. They go for the bite mark she’d made earlier.
Ochako gasps as Himiko sucks at it, reopening the wound. She sucks the blood coming out, and kisses the wound when her lips leave the skin.
She doesn’t stop there. She makes two more accompanying bites on the other side of Ochako’s neck, sucking the blood out of both of them, then kissing them afterwards.
“I–I want to try,” Ochako gasps out.
“Hm?” Himiko licks her lips, stained red with Ochako’s blood.
“I want to try.”
Himiko hesitates, but she leans back to let Ochako do as she pleases.
Ochako puts her teeth against Himiko’s skin, waiting for just a second to make sure Himiko won’t push her off.
She doesn’t. Of course she doesn’t.
She bites. Her teeth aren’t as sharp as Himiko’s, so she has to put a lot more force behind her bite. She feels a bit like a cannibal as she feels the skin break beneath her teeth.
She pulls back, just slightly, to see the damage she’s caused, and to watch the blood ooze out.
It doesn’t freak her out. It should. She should feel disgusted with herself. She should feel guilty for hurting another person... but she doesn’t.
Maybe this doesn’t count as hurting.
She licks the blood off, not sucking, as her rough bite has already caused more than enough damage to Himiko’s skin. She could never hope to be as clean as Himiko is with her bites.
The blood fills her mouth, metallic and warm. She doesn’t completely understand Himiko, but she does feel closer to her than she ever has with anyone else in this moment.
“Do you think you’ll fade more slowly if I have more of your blood in me?” Ochako asks, voice quiet.
Himiko’s brow furrows. “Is that why you bit me?”
Ochako startles up. “No! No, it’s not. I just... wanted to try.”
“Did you like it?” She asks, like she’s afraid of the answer, like she’s afraid of being called a freak.
Ochako smiles at her, reassuring and hopelessly fond. “I did.” She places her hands on Himiko’s hips as she kisses the mark, then travels her lips upwards to Himiko’s and lands an open-mouthed kiss on them so that their blood intermixes in their mouths.
Himiko whines, rolling her hips up against Ochako, who realizes with some embarrassment that she’s fully sitting in Himiko’s lap now.
They’re both out of breath. Ochako’s heart is racing so quickly she might be worried.
“I think– you’ll have to go soon,” Himiko says, kissing her cheek.
“Oh.”
“I’ll see you soon though.”
“Yeah. Promise?”
“Promise.”
“I love you, Himiko.”
“Yeah, I know. I love you too.” Himiko smiles, blood on her teeth.
Ochako wakes up that morning more content than she’s probably ever been. She hurries to write down everything that happened in her dream journal as she always does so she won’t forget. She really can’t forget this one.
She gets up to check her skin in a mirror for marks, as she always does after a night with Himiko, hoping for something, anything.
There’s nothing visible, but if she presses down on a certain spot on her neck, she can feel a dull pain go through her body.
She smiles the whole day.