Work Text:
“Hmm…”
Dr. Otto von Scratchansniff froze in the middle of his office doorway when he noticed the appearance on the inside.
It was untouched.
Skeptical, Scratchansniff entered the room cautiously, practically tiptoeing on the carpet, trying to not make a sound as he looked about. All of his picture frames were hung up, not crooked, the chaise longue off to one wall still parallel to the mahogany desk. The curtains were drawn to prevent sunlight from heating up the place and the chair was tucked in.
It hadn’t been this clean and perfect since…
Scratchansniff jumped and whirled around, on guard and tense, waiting for the ambush. He braced himself and refused to close his eyes this time…!
The open doorway greeted him.
Not convinced, he ran towards the window and threw open the curtains. The busy life of the Warner movie lot greeted him, pedestrians walking, cars driving, Superman and Batman fighting again.
He sighed and let go of the curtains. This was very weird. Is this the calm before the storm? Scratchansniff skimmed the room again, just in case, but ultimately came up with nothing.
Maybe…maybe he could get some work done?
Not wanting to bring his hopes up but wanting to still be productive, Scratchansniff made his way to his desk silently. Once he reached it, he spotted something on the other side of his computer. He stopped and slowly looked over, peering at it from an angle. A note was placed precariously on the keyboard, slightly ajar, likely from the wind of someone walking past as they placed it there.
A telegram? Maybe it was from Miss Heloise Nerz again. Intrigued, he picked it up and turned it over. He blinked at the multiple chicken scratch handwriting. This was definitely not from Miss Nurse.
Hellooo Scratchy!
How’s our favorite p-sychiatrist doing? Working too hard or hardly working? Did you eat your cream of wheat this morning?
Diiiiisgusting! Scratchy, ignore him, we have a proposition to ask you!
Ecsqueeze me? It’s called buttering up, sis.
There were a lot of messy scribbles followed by that statement before a new one in big bold letters read,
Scratchy, will you take us out this Sunday? It’s been a while since we spent time with you!
We always spend time with him.
Well, I say we should spend even more time with him. So, what do you say, Scratchy? Sunday funtime?
Pwetty pwease? A crude drawing of Dot followed the question.
We’ll behave in our next session if ya do.
Ah, bribery . compromise, isn’t it lovely?
Meet us at the Water Tower at 10am if you wanna, okee-dokie?
Signed,
Yakko , Wakko , Dot
Scratchansniff stared at the note, wordlessly. He could feel the tell-tale sign of a headache creeping in. What was this all about? Was this a prank?
He thought back to their previous interactions. Nothing indicated anything malicious. Actually, they’ve been pretty agreeable lately…
“Hm…”
xxx
The Warner Bros water tower was often a focal point of the lot. It stood loud and proud as a backdrop to the hustle and bustle of the folks below. It was a prevalent structure for many decades and had been kept in good condition with all the fumigating. It recently got a fresh coat of paint and so was shining brightly in the sunlight, subsequently ricocheting off of Scrarchansniff’s glasses as he gazed at it. He sighed, taking off his glasses to wipe the smudges he saw there.
Why did he agree to come? Wait, he knew why. They were acting a little too good lately. He was suspicious. As their responsibility, Scratchansniff had to make sure they were kept in line.
So here he was at 9:58am Sunday morning, somewhat dreading to go in.
Suddenly, the top of the water tower flipped upside down to reveal a telescope with an eye on the lens. It looked around before spotting him, jumping upwards then falling back inside.
Scratchansniff stepped backwards right as a red carpet came spiraling out of the doorway. It flipped in front of him before revealing the Warners, grinning widely up at him.
“Hello~” Yakko started.
“Hello~” Wakko continued.
“Hello~” Dot finished.
“Dr. Scratchansniff!” They chorused, posing dramatically.
“Hello kidzes,” he greeted. “Are you ready to go…ah, where are we going again?”
Yakko jumped into his arms. “Wherever you want, Scratch.”
“Yeah!” Dot exclaimed, jumping up and down. “You pick! You pick!”
Scratchansniff thought for a moment. “Well, since I haven’t really planned anything in particular, maybe ze park? It is a nice day out.” He took note of a blue bird flying overhead.
“Faboo!” Wakko said, “That's perfect!”
“Perfect?”
“Aahhhhhh, he’s just agreeing with you,” Yakko explained.
“Well alright, let’s go.”
The Warners pulled the rug towards them then let it go, letting it fly back into the tower.
“Ready when you are, Sargeant!” They put one of their hands on each of their foreheads.
xxx
They drove to the park in relative silence, the Warners whispering excitedly to each other. They couldn’t be that happy, could they? They usually go wherever they want, anyways. And why weren’t they jumping all around? Not that he was complaining. Maybe they’re sitting still because he scolded them last time for not wearing seatbelts.
Once they got there, Scratchansniff got out and closed his door. He opened the rear door and the Warners hopped out, panting excitedly like puppies, Wakko even barking.
Scratchansniff closed and locked his car, eyeing the pedestrians in the park. Only a few, so it shouldn’t be too bad.
He turned back to the Warners, who immediately shifted to a line. Were they just in a huddle? “What do you kidzes want to do?”
“Youuu piii-iick~” They sang, closing their eyes.
He sighed. “How about a walk?”
“Okay!” They ran up to him, all over him, and kept shifting around as they started to walk. Well, they certainly are acting like themselves. Now was that a good thing or a bad thing?
“Scratchy! Scratchy!” Dot was pulling on his hand sporadically.
“Oof! Okay, okay. Yes, Dot?”
“I got something to show you!” She took out a white box from behind her back.
Scratchansniff gasped. “No! Not one of your pets!”
Dot pouted up at him, eyes big and watery and ears folded back. “I just wanted to show you something,” she said, softly.
Scratchansniff hesitated before reluctantly relenting. “Alright, but if it destroys anything we are going straight back home!”
She nodded rapidly, head bobbing like a bobble head. “Okay.” She pulled the tab on the box. “I’d like you to meeeeeet,” she lifted the lid, “Mona!”
A little red fur ball with black horns and a large mouth popped up. It blinked up at Scratchansniff curiously.
Scratchansniff regarded the creature, it was much smaller than her other pets…and not scary. It was actually kind of cute.
“I found this one in an abandoned forest with lots of wild animals playing ping pong with each other.”
Scratchansniff blinked.
“Isn’t it pwecious, Scratchy?” Dot held the creature up towards him. “Look, I think it likes you!”
The creature was sniffing his nose, then undulated happily.
“Well,” Scratchansniff started, reaching a hand up to pet it slowly. It purred under his touch and Scratchansniff smiled. “It is adorable.” Not cute. He’s not making that mistake again.
Dot beamed at him, then plucked the creature out of the box and into his hand. “Here, keep it with us! It’s about time for Mona’s social time anyway.”
The little fur ball made some squeaky noises before rolling up his arm and onto his shoulder, nuzzling into his neck. “Oh my.”
“Don’t worry, I fed it already,” Dot said, alarming Scratchansniff greatly, before taking his hand again. “Come on! Let’s keep walking. It’s for your cardio, right? You’re worried about your health?” Scratchansniff couldn’t be sure, but he thought he saw Dot’s face fall slightly.
“Oh! No, it’s just a nice day,” Scratchansniff reassured her. “It’s actually not as hot for a summer day.”
“Probably because of those summer rains we’ve been having,” Yakko piped up.
“Summer rains, you can never predict them,” Wakko chimed in.
They got to the end of the sidewalk that led to a water fountain and a porta potty. Wakko patted his head from his place on his shoulders. “Don’t go in there, Scratchy,” he shuddered, “it was horrible!”
Scratchansniff blinked up at him before patting his head to calm him. “I figured, nothing is usually sanitized out in ze open like this.”
“Yeah, I usually bring my own.”
Scratchansniff did not want to know.
“Do you ever feel like you want to, Scratchy?”
“Bring my own portable toilet? Not really, Wakko.”
“Hm,” he said. Scratchansniff could feel Wakko’s arm on his head. He could picture his head in his hand, tongue lolling out. “How’s about an airplane?”
“No.”
“A rhinoceros?”
“No.”
“A-”
“Wakko, if I need to bring anything with me, it’s usually in my pockets.”
“But what if you need something bigger , or more than what’s in your pockets.”
“I’ll just carry it then.”
The Warners were silent as they walked up to the fountain, Scratchansniff watching in awe as Mona seemed to know how to use the device.
Something was held in front of his face, obscuring his vision. “Wakko!”
“Here ya go, Scratchy!”
Scratchansniff took whatever was covering his eyesight and scrutinized it. “A bag?”
“Yup!” Wakko sounded pleased. “Just like my gag bag! But smaller.” He patted Scratchansniff’s head. “It can’t hold the secrets to the universe, but it will hold anything you want without you having to feel the weight. It just has to fit.”
It was about the size of a large backpack. Scratchansniff stretched it a bit. “So you’re telling me if there’s an anvil in here, I would be able to lift it easily?”
Wakko leaned down so Scratchansniff could see his arm and lifted the side of the bag, revealing said anvil. “But of course.”
Scratchansniff stared at it before trying to take it out, only to stumble and drop it onto the concrete, creating a loud noise once impacted. “Huh.”
“I’ll take that,” Yakko said, swiping the anvil and putting it into his slacks. “Can’t have too many of those.”
“Really now?” Scratchansniff sarcastically said.
“Yeah!” Yakko agreed, “you always have to be prepared.”
They came upon some benches and Scratchansniff sat down. “Hm, I’ll keep that in mind, Yakko. But what do you kidzes want to do now?”
Wakko’s stomach rumbled and he grinned sheepishly.
“Ah, how about lunch then.”
“The man said lunch!” Yakko yelled. “Basket, Dot!”
“Got it!” she screamed, pulling a picnic basket twice her size out of her hanmerspace and holding it above her head.
Wakko opened the top and it exploded. Scratchansniff covered his eyes before someone knocked on his head. “Knock knock, anyone home?”
Scratchansniff pulled his arms away to reveal everything set up. Sandwiches on plates with chip bags and sodas atop a red and white checkered blanket. Wakko and Dot were already seated whilst Yakko was hovering over him, all three giving him big grins.
Scratchansniff eyed them. “You three planned this already?” He thought for a moment. “You knew I would pick to go to the park?”
“Sure!” Dot said. “It’s one of the few places you said that doesn’t give you a headache.”
“Or indigestion,” Wakko piped in, holding his pointer finger up.
Yakko hopped down on the blanket. “Let’s go, Scratchy, otherwise we’re gonna eat everything.”
Mona chirped from his shoulder. Scratchansniff figured, if anything, it’d be good for the little creature to eat. He got up and joined the Warners on the blanket.
“Bon appetit!” Wakko said.
“Bottoms up!” Yakko said.
“Itadakimasu!” Dot said.
They grabbed their sandwiches and started to eat their food. Ravishly.
“Oh dear,” Scratchansniff mumbled. He knew they knew they weren’t supposed to do that. “Kidzes, what did we learn before?”
“Finish our plates?” Wakko answered.
“No, well yes, but actually no. Mind your manners.”
“Okay,” they chorused.
When they were done eating, Wakko reached into the basket and pulled out slices of cake. “Dessert!”
“With so little calories and sugars!” Dot gushed.
Little?
Wakko passed them around with plates and forks. As Scratchansniff was going to continue, he noticed he didn’t have a fork. “Wakko, do you have an extra utensil?”
Yakko’s hand flew in front of his face. “Right here!”
Scratchansniff gently pushed his hand down and took the utensil. “Thank you, Yakko, I…this is a pen.”
“Yep!” he chirped. “A writing utensil. And-“ He pushed the button and three prongs switched out from the pointed tip. “an eating utensil! All for the price of one.”
“Oh,” Scratchansniff remarked, examining it, “well, this is interesting.”
“But wait, there’s more!” He clicked some more and it turned into a spoon, a knife, a pen again, then finally a fork once again. “Instead of a handy dandy notebook you have a nifty wifty tool.”
“Ah, thank you, Yakko.”
“You’re welcome! By the way, that napkin is actually paper.”
Once they finished dessert, the Warners sped cleaned everything and put it away. It took a total of 5 seconds. “Alright, it’s your turn to decide what we do,” Scratchansniff said, crossing his arms and eyeing them. “You three are being off today. Is there something I should know about?”
“Nope!” Wakko shrugged. “It’s just been so long since we last saw you.”
“Wakko, it’s been three days.”
“Exactly!”
Scratchansniff sighed. He had been doing that a lot today. At least it wasn’t out of frustration. “Any ideas?”
“We-ell…”
xxx
It was quite a long day. The Warners wanted to go to the zoo, the aquarium, and a water park.
Scratchansniff was exhausted.
I did ask them what they wanted to do , Scratchansniff lamented to himself. It’s only fair.
They walked up to the tower and Scratchansniff turned to them.
“Alright kidzes, it’s nearing sundown. Time for young children to go beddybye.”
“Wait!” Dot screamed.
Scratchansniff blew back from the force of her yell. “Aah! Dot, what’s wrong?”
“Mona has to go potty,” Wakko answered.
Scratchansniff turned his head towards the creature and saw its unpleasant expression. “Ah, well…”
“Let’s go inside Scratch,” Yakko said, climbing up the ladder. “Don’t worry, we picked up after ourselves today.”
Assuming he meant they cleaned the tower, Scratchansniff followed the Warners up the ladder and into their home. Dot immediately pushed him to the side and took Mona from him.
“Okay, so, Mona is potty-trained,” Dot said, pointing at the creature. “So here’s all you have to do.” She took out the box it came from and opened it. Mona hopped inside.
Silence.
A flushing sound was heard and Mona popped out, washing its hands with a towel.
“And that’s that!” Dot said. “Mona does everything in its box, except socialize. It has its food and treats in there as well. I can show you later. But Mona only needs to come outside to socialize.”
“Oh, isn’t that fortunate! For you and for Mona,” Scratchansniff said, holding out his hand for Mona. Mona sniffed it and jumped, trotting up to his shoulder. “Now let’s go to your brothers. I sure hope they got ready for bed.”
They walked out and Scratchansniff screamed when something was shoved in his face.
“SURPRISE!”
The living room was decked out in white and purple streamers, balloons, and confetti. A balloon in the shape of Scratchansniff’s face was floating next to the others. All three Warners grinned up at him and Wakko held a cake several inches from his face.
“S-surprise?” Scratchansniff asked, bewildered. He fixed his glasses before sputtering, “for what-?” He stopped. In big bold letters on the cake, it read Happy Father’s Day! in purple frosting surrounded by three small grinning heads with a bigger one in the middle.
Father’s Day?
“To our favorite p-sychiatrist in the whole world!”
“We made this ourselves! Don’t worry, I tried our first batch and it’s edible for you to eat.”
“Figured we get you something for Sunday Funtime. What do you think, Scratchy?”
Scratchansniff stared at the three little faces. They asked him to come out…they behaved…they each gave him something…because they…he…he didn’t know what to say.
Scratchansniff smiled, feeling a weight that’s been over him finally lift off his shoulders. “Thank you Yakko, Wakko, Dot. This was so nice of you.” He ruffled the fur on their heads. “Let’s eat some cake and then I’ll read you a bedtime story.”
The Warners cheered and excitedly ran to the kitchen. Scratchansniff quickly took the knife out of Dot’s hands and served them himself.
They enjoyed the story he read to them, although he mostly talked to them about it rather than read it. Hearing their perspectives was more interesting.
After he said goodnight to them, he wandered into the living room and sat down on the couch, setting Mona’s box on the side table. Wakko turned the TV on earlier for ambiance and it was still playing specials for the holiday.
As he watched a father smile and talk to his children, he couldn’t help but shake his head fondly.
I still don’t understand these kidzes, but at least they seem like they’re getting better.
The light from the TV was making Scratchansniff squint. It was almost done, he could finish it and leave.
Scratchansniff blinked. It was dark, the only light came from the TV where a different special than what he was watching before was playing.
Oh dear. Scratchansniff sighed. He couldn’t believe he fell asleep. He was about to get up when he felt a weight in his lap. He looked down to see Wakko, curled up in a little ball like a puppy, snoozing.
Scratchansniff stared before taking note of his numb arms. He looked to his left - Yakko leaning his head on his shoulder and sleeping. His right - Dot holding his arm to her chest and face nuzzled into his side, out like a light.
Hm…
Scratchansniff watched the Warners dream, and felt a warm sensation travel through him.
This isn’t so bad.
For the first time since he could remember, Scratchansniff let his guard down around the Warners and relaxed.
Even if I don’t understand them, I think I’m still doing right by them.
Scratchansniff leaned his head back on the couch and closed his eyes, smiling.