Chapter Text
—The one who's able to chage this country's football...—
He had headphones in his ears to listen to music but these sentences, these damned sentences, were ringing in his head
Rin looked at the sky, it was cloudy and black, like his mood at that moment. The raindrops started falling one by one, they were few but if he didn't hurry a storm would break out and honestly he didn't want to go home soaked and wet, he didn't even have a fucking umbrella
Why the fucking life was against him, what the fuck had he done wrong to deserve all that hate. Why did the only person he cared about behave badly towards him...?
He had committed himself, he had given body and soul to football, he had made many sacrifices, he had done everything for him, sacrificing his hobbies just to dedicate himself to football, and yet...it wasn't enough for him? What more did he have to do to deserve his attention, what the fuck was he missing?!
Why the fuck didn't Nii-chan look at him, why the fuck didn't Nii-chan want to play with him? Why? Why?! Simply...why
Rin felt a lump in his throat, felt his eyes stinging and full of water. He wanted to cry and cry and talk to someone for comfort. He wanted to go to them, talk about everything that happened to be heard saying: For us you are the best. It was something selfish that he would never admit but he just wanted to be...loved
He looked forward, he was almost home
—...is—
He wiped away those silent tears that had mixed with the raindrops. It seemed like the clouds were crying with him, what a joke
He couldn't wait to get into bed and sleep, he was tired, both physically and mentally. He felt his head pounding. He was tired of the whole fucking world. Of Isagi Yoichi who had stolen the title of best striker who will change Japan, of Shidou Ryusei who was just a cocksucker who had been chosen by his brother instead of him, and of Itoshi Sae for having done all that
He took the keys, with a key ring of Hello Kitty holding a negi and Chococat with a t-shirt with the number 9, which had been given by his two friends and opened the door. He remembered them, he missed them and he remembered to call them as soon as he felt better. He was too embarrassed at that moment
—OMG RIN YOU WON!—
Rin saw a girl with long blue hair tied in a long ponytail hugging him along with a boy with dark blue hair that looked black
—You kicked the U-20's ass, man, I was enjoying it so much!— The boy said ruffling his hair. He felt even worse, he hadn't won, they would be so disappointed to him...
The two friends looked at Rin, they could see the trails of dried tears on his cheeks, they were worried, something was wrong
—Why are you sad? Aren't you happy that you won?!— The girl asked why usually even if Rin didn't show emotions, she could tell when he was happy or not
—Wait Miku, what happened with your brother?— The dark blue haired boy wasn't stupid, i was clear and obvious that something had happened with him, after all he had played against him
—...Isagi Yoichi—
—An egoist like that might have what it takes— Sae said without ever looking at him
—I failed, I lost...— Rin said with a broken voice, he remembered what Sae told him, that he wouldn't be the one to change Japanese football, it wasn't the one his brother chose...
—Rin, what do you mean...?— The girl said in a low voice, she wiped away the tears that were falling on her friend's cheeks again, she felt something inside her selling Rin's vulnerable image. It looked like he would break in her hands at any moment
—He didn't choose me...again...—
He had trained for months and months without stopping to be recognized by his brother and then what? That his brother chooses two lukewarm people that he doesn't even know
He at least knows how much pain he had felt?
—Kageyama...?— The girl said looking at her friend who had a strange look, she hoped he wouldn't say something cruel at that moment since she knew how he could be wrapped up, he was an impulsive person who throws the truth in everyone's face
—So, do we have to give you another five-hour psychiatry session? No, because it seems that the last session we had was of no use whatsoever—
—Come on Kageyama, it's not Rin's fault. Let's all go to the living room and get a cup of tea!— It would have been of no use if he had gotten angry around a crying Rin. She knew he wasn't angry towards Rin but angry at the people who hurt Rin, but she needed Kageyama to be clear minded as he was the only one who could understand Rin, sometimes she felt very helpless towards the green haired boy to the point that she needed Kageyama's help
The two heard their friend Miku's suggestion and so they went to the living room while Miku went to make tea leaving Kageyama to reason with him
The two were sweaty on the ground, with Rin staring off into nothingness. Kageyama looked at him, he looked like a vase broken into many pieces, a torn and burned sheet of paper, a withered flower. Life was cruel, and he knew it, especially with Rin. He took his hand, it was icy and rough to the touch as he never wore cream
—So, let's hear who your brilliant brother chose— Kageyama said in a sharp voice while Rin glared at him
—A a cockroach, Shidou, the blond one with the pink tips who played for the U-20 and Isagi Yoichi, the dwarf who looks like you— He said remembering them, he would have liked not to meet them, he preferred to be with the bee with the schizophrenic bob cut and that with the two of them, at least he was strangely pleasant compared to those lukewarm bastards who unfortunately were born
—Are you talking about the freaky boy and the dwarf with the plant on his head?— Rin wanted to laugh but held back, it is in these moments that he remembers why Kageyama is his friend, they had the same humor and hated the same people, however Miku humored them even though there were some people she hated who also hated them, even though she was a very peaceful person
—Yeah...two lukewarm ones that piss me off—
—Your brother has really shitty tastes, let me tell you—
—Here's the tea!— Miku said arriving with three large cups of hot tea
—No Miku you can't understand, do you know who his brother chose? The freaky boy and the dwarf who looks like me with a little plant on his head! That is, do you realize? But I don't know, the tastes are zero— Kageyama said laughing
—Nahh, really! What a loss— Miku said after remembering who he was talking about. She had seen them in the match, that Isagi, the one who had scored the goal and that Shidou, who made her disgusted and she didn't know why. Now she has a good reason to hate them, after all, no one was better than their Rin! And anyone who says otherwise should fuck off
—I did everything, I trained my ass off from morning till night and he...?! He chooses that lukewarm of Shidou and Isagi!—
—Eh, what did you expect bro, but you knew he's an asshole, he wouldn't have given you his hand saying "oh my god, I'm sorry for what happened, I love you so much, my little bro"?!—
—But I was hoping so! — Rin said exasperated, Kageyama's sarcasm was annoying him and he hated how true it was
—Look on the bright side, you won! And you were amazing on the pitch, it's thanks to you that you managed to score!— Miku said with her typical enthusiasm
—But- — Rin wanted to protest, he was so frustrated but Kageyama beat him to it
—But what? He scored thanks to you and so the credit is yours, but do you always have to look on the negative side of things?!— Kageyama slapped Rin lightly as a joke. Rin looked at Kgeytama, who was the one talking, who was always complaining about Hinata and the others
—But Sae- — Rin couldn't continue because Miku interrupted him
—You were amazing, you want to understand it! You don't need his approval or recognition, he doesn't know how much you've been through, he doesn't know anything about you, I'm sure he couldn't even tell you what you like or don't like! You always tell me to be independent and not listen to anyone, but you listen to your brother...— Miku said raising her voice as Rin looked at her
—Rin we have been having this conversation for literally months and months trying to make you understand that you are a great player and that you don't need his recognition or ours because you are amazing and fantastic and you don't need anyone to tell you that— Kageyama hugged him and Rin smiled internally, he finally felt loved. He missed their warmth, that warmth that helped him move forward. But he would never admit it, he would take the secret to the grave
Rin knew that those were things that had already been said and repeated but they never get tired of saying them, of making him understand, he smiles a little, he is grateful to have friends like that
He remembers how after his meeting with Sae after he came back from Spain he ignored them but they never left him alone, they were always with him comforting him or trying to cheer him up
Every time he had a panic attack and they had left their commitments to come and help him, Kageyama had literally left a match hanging for him
Rin looked at his friendship bracelet made by Miku
—Thank you for reminding me of who I am—
—Yes I know we're saving your sanity—
—Since when did you have so much confidence?— Rin said, he remembered him being a little more shy and tsundere towards others
—Since I had to sing on stage because of this little pop star here and since that day I'm not afraid of anything anymore!— Kageyama said proudly
—So many things happened while you were away, my goodness it was awful without you now we have to inform you of everything immediately!— Miku said with drama
—Yeah, come on, you who couldn't use your phones, when you log in on whatsapp don't be surprised by podcasts of an hour ago—
—I'm already scared— Rin sniffed, he had missed being with them, he didn't see himself making up the time
—Since it's night and you're a little shaken, do you want a movie night or karaoke? Maybe a movie night is better—
—Yes, better movie night because I'm bored of singing, but what movie are we going to see?—
—Terrifier 2— Rin replied immediately
—Is it funny...?— Miku asked with a drop of sweat falling from her forehead
—Sure! It's so funny you'll burst out laughing. Literally.— Rin said, he also missed watching horror movies, after all he had experienced a day-long horror movie himself. He would have enjoyed seeing Miku get scared and Kageyama trying not to be afraid and then screaming louder than Miku
—Hmm, let's run away immediately Miku, he wants to condemn us—
The three laughed or rather, Miku and Kageyama laughed while Rin smiled
—I'm going to get snacks and drinks and no buts! I don't want your sport diet to ruin the best part of the evenings which is the food!— Said Miku already knowing what the two would say
—In reality, it's Rin who's complaining about this— Kageyama said while raising his hands
—Stop blaming me—
Kageyama went to the room to get some pillows while Rin went on streaming to look for the movie when he heard someone open the front door
—Mom? — It was strange that his parents had arrived. They had sent him a message saying they were abroad. Otherwise...no, it couldn't be him. When he got up and saw who was there he wanted to kill himself
—Sae.—