Work Text:
Till has seen the sun set many times in his life. None of them were as beautiful as Mizi’s smile however. His ray of light in such a crazy world. When he was kicked out of his house by his “birth givers”, Mizi took him in. When all the world saw in him, was a mess, a wild child. A problem that needed to be fixed.
Mizi begged her parents to take Till in. God bless Ms Shine. She gave him a space where he would no longer be mistreated. While Mizi did everything she could to cheer him up. She made sure he knew he was always welcome. Mizi was his sun, her hope and her love for everything. She was the thing that gave Till the strength to hope that he too, could be loved the way she did. He always thought that Mizi could never hurt anyone. She was someone that made way for ants, just so that she would not crush them. Let alone raise a hand against another.
While Till… he got into many fights. Especially against that punk, Ivan. Everyone always thinks of him as someone that's always sooo proper. Someone sooo perfect. But have they heard some of the shit he says?? What is his angle? Till would never understand.
However, with one sentence alone… Mizi had managed to hurt him more than he had ever hurt anyone before.
“Sua and I are together,” Mizi said, while wearing the biggest grin on her face. “I know we don’t talk like this to each other that much Till… “ she said shyly, while facing away from him. “But you’ve been in my life for so long. You’re like a brother to me. I hope you can accept Sua. She means the world to me… I love her and I hope…. She loves me too.” She said while grabbing Till’s hands and looking into his eyes. She was searching. Searching for any sign of disapproval. Any sign that Till was not happy about this.
Till knew this. Although Till’s heart was being shattered, he could not let Mizi know that. He would never let Mizi know that.
“Why would I not… Why would I not accept Sua? Because she’s a girl? Mizi… I would never hate you just because- because you liked girls…” he assured her, taking a deep breath in. Every word he said took strength that he never realised he had. He was sure his eyes were forming tears but he continued on. “Mizi, you are like… a sister to me. I want you to be happy… I love you…” He reassured her again, forcing a gentle smile on his face.
After hearing this, Mizis face changed from one filled with dread to one filled with relief. She hugged Till, squeezing him tightly. He realised how scared she was. When she had asked him about what “it felt like to be in love”, this is not quite what he expected. He, not knowing at that time, just told her what he felt each time he looked at Mizi. “Well when you look at them you feel unsure but excited,” he told her. “When you look at them, they take your breath away.” he had told her… He realised this was what she felt for Sua… not- not him.
She soon pulled away. When Till looked at her again, her brilliant, shining smile had returned. The smile that melted away worries…
And then she left. Leaving Till to mend the pieces of his broken heart. Hopefully he could heal from this, or at the very least learn to ignore this feeling of pain.
He spent the next few days pretending that everything was normal. Like nothing was different. Everything was going well until SHE… came over. Till was happily minding his business when he went to the kitchen to grab a sandwich after practicing for a long time on his guitar. However, he did not realise the kitchen was already occupied and walked in on Mizi and Sua kissing.
They somehow did not realise that Till came in. So he quickly hid at the entrance. He did not know what came over him, why he did not just leave. Why he stayed and continued to watch this torture. He peeked, with one eye poking out of the entrance, on what they were doing.
He saw that they had stopped kissing and were now gazing longingly into each other's eyes. A small smile had formed on Mizi’s face. She looked at Sua, like she was the most precious thing in her life. Like she was her world. A smile that Till had never seen before. At this moment, he understood. Sua was the sky to Mizi’s sun. Sua was someone who would help Mizi shine brighter. He could not. Mizi would never look at him like this. Ever. He- He… was not Sua.
To hear about Mizi loving someone else was one thing. But seeing it- It was too much for Till. Seeing how happy she was, it shook him to his core. He just suddenly started running. He had to get out of here. He bolted out of the house. Tears were just running down his face. He ran. He had no idea where he was going, his eyes were barefly looking at the walkway in front of him. He just couldn't stay there. He ran as far as he could. Even when he could not breathe anymore, body aching from the strain, he kept running. Only after he could no longer continue, did he take a moment to stop and rest. He was panting, barely able to form a thought. His stomach started cramping. He groaned. It was annoying how his body would not let him run away from his problems any longer. Letting out a sigh, knowing that at this rate he would probably end up dead if he continued, he decided to take a rest. His eyes were still lined with the tears that he had shed earlier. He hobbled to a nearby tree and proceeded to take a seat underneath it. Closing his eyes, he rested his head against the trunk, letting his mind stay empty. He just stayed like that for a while. Breathing in and breathing out. When he opened his eyes, it was now sunset. He closed his eyes again, not wanting to see the sun leaving him… again…
When he opened his eyes again, he expected to be greeted by the lonely moonless night. However, when he looked up, he was startled by the man in front of him. The man who was just staring at him, scrutinising his every move. He did not expect that punk, Ivan, to be in front of him. Great! His shitty day was just about to get worse. He looked up, squinting and frowning at Ivan’s face, with tears in his eyes, trying to hide the fact that he was crying. He hoped that Ivan would not bother his sulking and just leave him alone. However, when he looked at him, he could not tell what Ivan was thinking. All he could see was his stupid charming, smug smile. They were looking at each other, both saying nothing until finally Ivan broke the pin drop silence. “So are you here to meditate? Or take a shit?” he said smugly.
Hearing this, something in Till snapped. He got up and pushed Ivan while yelling “LEAVE ME ALONE DICKWAD.” The force from Till’s shove, caused Ivan to stumble and fall flat down on his butt. Ivan was stunned. A hint of guilt crept onto his face. However, Till did not notice this. The moment he pushed Ivan, he walked away, never taking a moment to look back at him. He walked to the nearest tree, and proceeded to sit down once again. He held his head in hands, wanting to wallow in his own misery. While all of this was happening, Ivan he never moved... He just sat in the place where he fell and watched Till. He was not sure what to do. His mind struggled to come up with the right answer.
After a while, he sighed and got up. Slowly, he made his way to Till once again. This time he sat next to him but said nothing. Till still refused to acknowledge his presence. Ivan, not wanting to push further, did not say anything either. In the silence, Ivan’s phone started vibrating. He looked down to check it. However, Till still proceeded to ignore him. This silence, where no one talked, continued. Ivan was staring into the sky, admiring all the stars when he suddenly said out loud, “This is because of Mizi and Sua, isn’t it?” He asked not quite expecting any answer in return. Meanwhile, Till was shocked… He thought he hid his feelings for Mizi very carefully.
“Do they know?” He asked urgently. His chest started to tighten. He wanted to make sure he did not ruin this for them. He wanted Mizi to be happy. He COULD NOT ruin this for her.
Ivan however, took a while to reply as if he was thinking about what exactly to say. Once he was ready, while wearing a smile on his face that did not quite reach his eyes, he softly said “No. But I’ve seen the way you looked at her…”
All Till could say was “Oh.” He was confused by the expression that Ivan had. It almost appeared as if… he was sad? Till was not sure anymore. But he was happy that Mizi did not know. At least, HER happiness was guaranteed. If anything, that did make him feel a bit better and Till let out a sigh of relief.
However, he did not notice the smile on Ivan’s face disappearing completely. Ivan turned away from Till, continuing to look at the stars. This time. Till joined him. Instead of admiring the stars, Till admired the moon. He expected tonight to be a dark, gloomy and cloudy night. He was shocked that the moon was still visible. Wanting a distraction from his current situation, he thought of how he never admired the moon like this before. He was always too busy looking at the sun. The sun made him feel alive. The sun greeted him warmly everyday. However, his pale skin could not really handle the warmth of the sun too well. He never really thought about how the sun was too much to handle for him at times.
He realised being obsessed with the sun prevented him from realising how beautiful the moon is. How the moon gave him comfort each night, accompanying him each time he practiced his songs. How although the moon disappeared, it always came back… He continued admiring the moon, now thinking about it differently. On his face appeared a small smile, that was not quite there before. He was less distraught about his situation now as compared to before.
While he was thinking, he forgot that Ivan was still with him. They continued like this for a while. Until Ivan broke the silence once again. “I know what you feel like right now… you know?” He softly said, his eye’s not quite reaching Till’s.
Till was flabbergasted. No way this guy is telling the truth. “Yeah sure… Aren’t you like, loved by every girl you’ve come across? Anyways, I am pretty sure you have not shown any interest in literally anyone. You're lying to me to make me feel better, Asshole…” Till scoffed while pointing an accusatory finger at him.
Hearing this, Ivan chuckled softly, returning his gaze to the stars, smiling. “Right now you’re feeling like your whole world shattered to pieces, right. Like her being happy with someone else means that you can no longer be happy. How you realise… she probably will never really look at you that way. How you don’t want her to know how you feel for her because you're afraid and you kind of know they’ll never see you the same way because it's been so long already…” He ended it by looking into Till’s eyes. In his eyes was something Till recognised but something he could not pinpoint. However he knew, at this moment, they shared an understanding. They were feeling the same feelings but for different people.
All Till could ask was “Does it get better?”
Ivan replied with a bittersweet smile on his face. In a tone so soft, very unlike him, “It might. But for me… No. I learnt to live with it, distract myself from it. I hope it gets better for you though.” He whispered at the very end, not quite looking at Till, “You deserve someone who loves you…” Till felt like he just intruded on a private confession, he was not quite sure what to make of it. All of it. Finding that Ivan also felt like this too… Him saying that Till deserved someone who loved him. It was very confusing, but it made him see Ivan in a new light. He looked at Ivan. Now… he was the one scrutinising him, eyes squinting, picking up every detail. Ivan turned his attention from the stars to now look at Tillm, with the same admiration still lacing his face. They both just shared a moment to look at each other.
During this moment Till thought something. Something he had never quite thought of before. He thought about how the moonlight wonderfully reflected off of Ivan’s jet black hair. He just spent a moment admiring it. A moment admiring the honesty and vulnerability that Ivan had shared with him. He’s shocked that he’s not disgusted by the Asshole making his sad situation all about himself. He’s shocked that he can see more of himself in Ivan now. He’s shocked that Ivan cares about him. None of this. He knew none of this.
He knew Ivan and him were good friends. Though they fought a lot, it was more so of a “Frenemies” kind of thing. They both never understood each other but they always seemed to be there in each other’s life whenever big something happened.This… This changes everything. He's not sure how… But with time, he believes, he will find out. There was a really small part of him, which he ignored, that already knew what it meant. That very same part was also thrumming with excitement. Till guessed that at the very least he now had a great distraction from “losing” Mizi now.
“This is really hard for me to say but thank you Ivan… Your presence however, annoying… did help.” He said, a bit annoyed with the fact that he was thanking Ivan. Ivan only chuckled. He dusted himself off and stood up first. He then reached out for Till's hands, offering a hand to help Till prop himself up. At this moment Till was caught off guard. The moon serving as the perfect backdrop. The way Ivan looked took his breath away. He looked exactly like a Prince.
“Are you okay? You're zoning out… I'm helping you stand up. Do you need me to carry you?” Ivan asked, concern etched on his face. There was no sign of his usual mockery on his face at all. The fact that he actually meant that… Till could not believe it. If he was not blushing before. Now, he definitely was.
Till immediately grabbed his arms, forcefully pulling himself up. Boy was he so glad that it was night right now. Ivan did not scold him for his rough action, only gently smiling at him, like he was transfixed.
“I don't know where I am, do you think you could bring me back to my house?” Till asked, a bit embarrassed at his situation. He only just realised he threw a tantrum, ran out of his house like an idiot without planning on where he was going. His family was probably worried sick right now. Ivan just playfully smacked his head and chided Till, “I always have to clean up your messes huh, Rockstar. Don't worry, I'll bring you back home. I have no idea how you had the courage to do something like this. It's frankly fascinating. Just don't do something like this again though. No one would want to see you get hurt.”
Till had no idea what to reply so he just did not. He stayed silent. He knew Ivan was not expecting him to answer anyways. During their walk home, both of them stayed silent. The only time Ivan spoke was to ask Till “The moon looks beautiful tonight, doesn't it?”
Till never lifting his gaze from Ivan only replied, “Yes, yes it does.”
Soon they both reached Mizi's house. Their entire family was waiting at the porch. When Mizi saw them coming. She ran over to Till with tears in her eyes and immediately grabbed him into a hug. She was rambling about how much she was worried. She then smacked him, telling him to never do something like this again. She then moved onto Ivan and thanked him profusely for spending his time to find Till and bring him back safely to them. Ivan just flashed her his charming smile and said it was his pleasure.
After dropping Till off and checking in with his family, Ivan walked away. Although his family was fussing over him, making sure that he was feeling okay, Till's eyes never left Ivan. Even when Mizi was carefully examining his face closely to make sure he did not get any new bruises or cuts, all he could focus on was Ivan's shrinking figure. As Ivan was about to step out of the gate. He took one last moment to look behind him and looked at Till. Till saw that Ivan looked shocked, to see him looking back at him. He mouthed one last “Goodbye, stay safe” before he disappeared into the night.