Work Text:
In a state like Amertis, there were no gods. Sure, there were religions, but they were usually regional. Leto – the god of the sun, Isvala – the goddess of the desert, Nertus – the god of the air, and the four brothers who were the gods of the seasons. However, the true god – the one worshiped by everyone, even unknowingly – was the state. National holidays were sacred, the Fuehrer – a god, and the military, along with the state alchemists, served as its priests.
However, this propaganda was not as effective as one might expect.
Nevertheless, hat’s why, as every year, Roy was summoned to the celebration of Amertis's Founding Day. Not just him – his twelve-year-old subordinate also received an official invitation, adorned with all the required seals.
Upon arriving in Central City, they checked into a diplomat’s room, preparing for three days of galas and celebrations. Boring, exhausting, dragging on until late hours, and filled with incompetent nepotists or ambitious, conceited assholes
To Roy’s surprise, Fullmetal didn’t behave as badly as one might have feared. He stayed relatively close, avoided provoking too many important people, and didn’t draw more attention to himself than the simple fact of being a twelve-year-old in the military already das drawing
The Colonel suspected that Edward’s polite behavior was partly due to the late hour of all the events – the boy was simply too tired to cause trouble. Just four days before their departure, Edward, of course, fell ill and was still recovering. Roy also noticed that Edward limped slightly, likely due to the pain in his prosthetics caused by the autumn storms.
Finally, everything came to an end, and Roy decided to take the opportunity to visit a few people in Central. On the first day, he stopped by his aunt’s after he was sure that Edward had fallen asleep, exhausted on the bed.
They were also invited to dinner at the Hughes’ on the last evening. Maes explained it as wanting to spend more time together, although Roy knew it was really about avoiding a hangover the next morning. Since Elicia was born, Maes drank far less than before.
And so, on a Friday evening at 6 PM, Roy Mustang and Edward Elric found themselves at the door of their best friend’s house. Edward was decidedly unhappy with how the past few days had gone.
Edward was cold. Shivers ran through him every so often. He missed Al, the library, and his own bed. Occasionally, he sniffled, and while he was glad to see Maes, Gracia, and Elicia, he would have preferred the meeting to happen the next day. Unfortunately, Colonel Bastard had planned an early return to East City hoping to meed some thightass general who was riding this train, which meant Edward had to suffer.
“Edward! Roy! Great to see you!” Hughes opened the door with a broad smile, inviting them inside. Gracia waited nearby with Elicia, greeting them just as warmly.
“Hi, Elicia. Do you remember me?” Edward asked, smiling at the girl as he greeted her parents.
“Big Brother Ed!” she called out cheerfully, showing no sign of shyness.
She darted out from behind Gracia’s skirt and ran to Edward. He picked her up, suppressing a grimace of pain from his shoulder port as her weight strained his Automail
“Come! I’ll show you my dolls! I even have one with brown hair like Mommy’s!”
“Wait a moment,” Edward replied with a slight smile. “We should help with dinner first, ya'know?”
“Nonsense,” Gracia laughed. “Everything is almost ready. Roy will help with the rest.”
“Exactly, Ed!” Maes echoed his wife. “You can’t miss the chance to see how adorable my sweet Elicia’s dolls are. Oh! And then I can show you some photos from…”
“All right, all right!” Ed interrupted before Maes could finish the sentence and reach for a stack of photos. “I’ll go! But call me if I can help with something.”
Maes and Gracia exchanged glances, full of softness and quiet sympathy, but Edward didn’t notice. He was too busy following Elicia, who was pulling him by his right arm, further straining his aching prosthetic.
In Elicia’s room, she indeed showed him her dolls. Edward, though in pain, was grateful for the chance to sit on the soft carpet and lean his back against the bed. His leg hurt more than he’d expected, and only now, when he relieved it, did he feel full relief. He shifted slightly, masking his discomfort and keeping a smile on his face. He was skilled at hiding his pain – from Al, from Roy, from everyone. Even now, over the past three days, Colonel Bastard hadn’t noticed anything.
Edward was a master at hiding his suffering, just as he was at feigning joy when his thoughts wandered far elsewhere.
Elicia babbled with him about the dolls, how Doll Ola had fallen in love with Doll Piotrek, and now they had children named Rick and Zofia. Then she asked him where babies come from, complaining that her dad kept saying that storks bring them when people love each other very much, but she was already a big girl and didn't believe in that anymore.
Edward agreed with her absentmindedly, still focusing on gently massaging the muscles around the steel.
“Babies are created through fertilization,” he said. “You're right, there's no stork.” “when dwo people love each other, thou that’s not really necessary, they do sex. Man gest an erection that is filling his cavernous bodies due to pressure inserted on profound veins. Next, his testis that produces semen secretes and prostate gland causes ejaculation into female genital tract. From there, sperm goes into the uterus, and about the same time female egg reaches there.”
“Egg? Do women have eggs? Do I have them too?”
“Yes, But these are not eggs like chicken have. Not with hard shell and all of this.. They are so tiny as sand grains and thet comes out of overies in ovulation process. You Also have You Overies with all yopu eggs in them. It’s just that our body just needs to grow so they can mature”. At this, Elicia looked down at her belly and let out a quiet "oh." Edward suddenly realized his eyelids were drooping. He shook his head slightly and continued his explanation.
“Then, one of spermatids joins with egg and thus the embroo is created. The embryo embeds itself in the uterus and grows. Until birth, through the birth canal, which is the vagina.”
Elicia let out a thoughtful hum, then returned to talking about the dolls. Edward realized he might have explained it too scientifically. After all, not all children, like him, knew or were interested in biology at that level, and judging by how distracted Elicia seemed while he was speaking, she probably wasn’t even listening fully.
Well, that was fine too.
The girl continued her story about the dolls and their lives, and Edward returned his focus to massaging the sore muscles in his leg. He let his eyes sink into the bliss of the massage.
“Sssshhhhh... 's sleep,” Suddenly, Elicia mumbled, too close to his left, more than Edward had remembered. He snapped his eyes open and jerked his head up, not knowing when it had dropped, to look at the girl.
She had her finger pressed to her lips and was looking toward the door. Edward also turned in that direction and stiffened even more upon seeing Mustang standing there.
Very amused.
“I’m not sleeping,” Edward denied, which only caused a bigger smile to form on the satisfied girl’s face.
“Big Brother Ed!” Elicia clapped her hands. “You woke up!”
“I wasn’t sleeping,” Edward muttered defensively, but he didn’t get a chance to say more because the girl suddenly jumped on him, sitting on his left leg.
He suppressed a groan, took a deep breath, smiled, and with a cheerful “hop” lifted both her and himself from the ground.
He turned towards the door, where Mustang was watching him with an odd expression on his face.
“Well, what’s up, bastard? Were you supposed to call us?”
“Ed!” Elicia exclaimed, placing her little hand on his face. “You said a bad word!” She wagged her finger in front of his eyes, making a serious face. Mustang laughed at this.
“Listen to Elicia, Fullmetal. Apparently, she’s better raised than some of us. Though maybe the level of upbringing and manners just grows together with us?”
“WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT ANTS ARE AFRAID OF STEPPING ON HIM?”
Elicia just laughed, saying he was funny, and as she suddenly leaned away from his embrace, he had to focus on not dropping her.
And then they made it to dinner, and everything calmed down. Gracia first served a delicious broth, followed by a stew, which Edward, sitting there, adored. And it was really delicious. Of course, not as good as his mom’s, but almost as good. Especially since Edward couldn’t quite remember what his mother’s stew actually tasted like.
He ate two servings, which settled nicely in his stomach, and then Gracia served apple pie and warm tea.
Edward ate almost everything, having to stifle a yawn several times, not wanting to show how tired he was.
The adults’ conversation at the table turned into a pleasant and quiet murmur in his ears, and Edward had to blink rapidly to ward off the sleepiness creeping into his mind.
And it was precisely because of his lazy and tired state, and just by being himself – a certified genius – that he didn’t pay much attention to what was about to happen.
Elicia – still wide awake, especially after the fun with Big Brother, and then after having that delicious dinner – experienced the frequent reflection that many big and smart daddy’s girls, like her, often have.
And combining everything Edward had told her, along with what she knew, she turned to the adults talking about boring things and asked:
“daddy? Is your sperm still in me?”
Hughes, who had just been sipping a glass of light wine, suddenly snorted, splashing the drink over the table like a pink mist.
Gracia froze, and Roy, after a moment, turned around, slowly setting his glass down. They both looked at their friend with a mix of disbelief, confusion, and a slowly growing indignation.
“Maes…” Roy began, letting his voice speak for him. He couldn't believe what was just being suggested, but there would better be a good explanation for it.
“I…” Maes tried to say something, but the wine was still in the wrong places, so he sputtered with a cough, only able to desperately shake his head.
The response came from a completely different direction.
“No, Elicia,” Edward said, his voice slightly thick from sleep. The kid had been fighting drowsiness for about twenty minutes, letting his head nod like a clumsy duck. “His sperm fertilized the egg, which was in the uterus. Like… it just touched its shell, while you were inside, while his sperm still in uterus.
“Uh-huh…” Elicia nodded seriously. “What’s going on with the sperm in the uterus?”
“I dunno.” Edward shrugged. “I think it flows out later.”
“Okay.” The little girl nodded seriously. “Can I have more cake?”
For a moment, her question hung in the air. Suddenly, Gracia burst out laughing.
Meanwhile, Maes stopped coughing and looked at his daughter with terror in his eyes.
“Elicia! You can’t say those words!”
“What words?” The girl tilted her head.
“Spe… NO! I can’t even say it!” Why does my sweet little girl know such words?
Roy had to cover his mouth with his hand to keep from joining Gracia in laughing.
“Ed taught me,” the girl said.
“Edward!” Hughes raised his voice.
“What?” The boy grumbled, still confused.
“Ed also said ‘bastard,’” Elicia said, as if proud to report her older brother.
“Ed!” Maes sounded hysterical.
Gracia laughed even louder. Roy took a deep breath, but still couldn't stop his amusement.
“How can you say such things in front of my little girl?”
“It was an accident! Reflex!” the boy denied.
“That’s not what I’m talking about! Because of you, my little girl is now a tattletale!”
“What? No! I just answered her question about where babies come from!”
“Babies are brought by the stork!”
“Babies are created through insemination!”
“Stork! Don’t destroy her childlike innocence!”
“When I was her age, Al and I were doing transmutations! She should at least know where babies come from, not be lied to about something so primitive!”
“Daddy!” Elicia called, confused, but not scared by what was happening. “I want to do transmutations too!”
Maes let out a frustrated roar. Gracia laughed even louder, and Edward tilted his head, as if changing his angle of view might help him understand what was happening.
Roy Mustang stood up.
“We’re leaving,” he declared, walking between Gracia and Edward. “Thanks for the invite. It’s always nice to see you.”
“It was a pleasure for us,” Gracia assured them.
“Don’t think you’re getting away that easily,” Hughes threatened, holding his hands in his hair.
“Ed, let’s go,” The Colonel nodded at the boy, and the latter obediently followed, too tired to argue. Small blessings. Gracia saw them off to the door while Elicia discovered that saying the word “semen” caused her father palpitations, which she used to avoid bursting out laughing.
Roy kissed Gracia on the cheek and let her hug Edward, who snuggled into her belly. Then, placing a hand on the boy’s back, he pushed him outside to the car parked on the street.
Edward fell asleep in car, before they even reached the hotel, and as soon as he changed and lay down in bed, he was blissfully unaware of the chaos he had caused.
When the boy was deeply asleep, Roy allowed himself a burst of laughter.