Chapter Text
58 days.
It only took 58 days to destroy his dream.
Seokmin dreamed of moving to Seoul and starting a new job. Finding love. Meeting new friends. Building a new life.
58 days.
It had all started so well.
Joshua went to Seoul with him to make sure it was the right decision. And there he met Mingyu. Kim Mingyu. He was so friendly and charming. Extremely good-looking. Successful.
Seokmin fell in love immediately.
They wrote to each other. Often. Not often enough, but it was enough to get Seokmin to find his dream job and find a nice little apartment.
At the end of October 2022, the time had come. Seokmin moved to Seoul. And Mingyu took him to a Halloween party the very first weekend and even though that wasn’t Seokmin’s style, they ended up in Seokmin’s bed. Without sex, because Mingyu was way too drunk. But the things he had said to him.
Oh, it could have all gone so perfectly.
But the next 58 days were a horror.
Mingyu wasn’t the charming, friendly businessman. He worked all the time. Met with someone else. Neglected Seokmin.
His new colleagues turned out to be a nightmare. Envious people who made fun of him and put more and more obstacles in his way.
His neighbors hardly let him sleep.
His psyche suffered. Too much. Seokmin was ashamed of the things he had said. To Mingyu. To his colleagues. To Joshua.
Joshua.
They had met a few years ago, and over time they became good friends.
Joshua was the best friend you could imagine.
Like Mingyu, he was a successful tax consultant, working at the biggest tax firm in Seokmin’s hometown. He was even one of the managing directors! He was handsome, loving, charming. Really charming.
He was the one who picked him up from Mingyu. After Mingyu dumped him on Christmas. On Christmas!
Joshua was the one who helped him get over the breakup. Who took him to the clinic that helped him process the last 58 days.
Ironically, that was 58 days ago today.
The number seemed to haunt him.
It was February 20, 2023.
Seokmin had been working for two weeks and it was still a nightmare. His neighbors still annoyed him. But there was no one left in his life. No friends. No lover.
Seokmin wouldn’t let that get him down anymore. At least he tried.
He should think positively.
So again:
Seokmin had been allowed to work again for two weeks, and fortunately, absolutely nothing had changed. His neighbors still showed him every night that they were alive. He could concentrate fully on himself because no one was distracting him. And because no one was keeping him away from his apartment, he took full advantage of the far too expensive rent.
His phone rang, and Seokmin was glad that it broke the pleasant silence.
Joshua.
“Hey Shua,” Seokmin greeted him cheerfully.
“I wanted to ask how you were doing. You started working again today, right?”
“Actually, two weeks ago.” Seokmin made himself comfortable in his chair. He missed Joshua. His friends.
“Oh, I’m sorry. There’s so much going on right now. I wanted to get in touch sooner.” Joshua sounded sincere and Seokmin immediately forgave him. It was good that Joshua hadn’t gotten in touch sooner. Because the last two weeks? Seokmin had been feeling so bad. All the fuss about Valentine’s Day reminded him of his failure.
“No, everything’s fine. I’m glad to hear from you. I-“ Seokmin stopped. He couldn’t tell him how lonely he was.
“Are things not going well?” He heard Joshua cutting something in the background.
Seokmin glanced at the clock. 8:46 p.m. It was much too late.
“Haven’t you eaten anything yet?” he asked in return.
Joshua laughed. “No. I just got home.”
“Then let’s do a video call, okay? Then I can watch you cook.” He was so desperate for human contact.
“Okay. See you.”
It wasn’t long before Joshua called again. And when Seokmin answered the call, he saw Joshua. He had placed his phone so that Seokmin could see him completely. Joshua still had his business shirt on, but the sleeves were rolled up. He was cutting vegetables. It was almost hypnotic to watch.
“You don’t look good. Are you upset?” Joshua asked and Seokmin was torn from his thoughts.
“No, it’s fine. I just-“ He stopped. Hadn’t his therapist told him not to keep everything to himself?
“Your colleagues?”
He had told Joshua everything when he picked him up. So he nodded. “Nothing has changed.” His voice sounded much sadder than it should and Seokmin was frightened by it.
Joshua looked up. “Don’t you want to come visit us on your next day off? Everyone here will be happy to see you.”
It would just be harder for him to come back.
Seokmin hadn’t told anyone yet. What a disaster the move had been. Not even his parents.
“I would be happy,” Joshua added. “I’ve been working so much lately, I can now afford to take a day off. And I’d like to do something with a friend.”
He knew exactly what he had to say to get Seokmin to agree.
“Okay. In 3 days,” he agreed.
Joshua smiled. He nodded and turned back to his vegetables.
They talked on the phone for ages. Seokmin watched Joshua cook, eat, and clean up. He longed for human contact. No, for friendly contact.
Because the next two days were hell again.
Seokmin was happy to get up early and take the longer drive. He noticed how he became happier with every kilometer that he put between himself and Seoul. When he finally stopped in front of Joshua’s house, the sun had already risen and was shining so brightly that that alone was enough to make him happy.
He walked briskly to the front door and rang the bell. And when Joshua opened the door, he hugged him and called out happily, “Good morning, Shua!”
Joshua returned the hug, laughing. “You’re in a good mood.”
“I’m just looking forward to our day today.” They hadn’t planned much. Breakfast, go visit Seokmin’s parents, stroll around a bit, lunch and then they wanted to see what else they could do. Seokmin planned to make the most of everything.
“Then let’s go right away, yes?”
Seokmin nodded happily. Just being back here and seeing Joshua, and not through a screen, was enough for him.
They walked to the cafe where Joshua had made a reservation. It was already getting warmer and Seokmin loved walking through his old neighborhood.
“You really look much happier,” Joshua remarked as they sat in the cafe.
It was Seokmin’s favorite cafe! They had met here often – when Seokmin still lived here.
“Oh Seokmin, are you visiting?” asked Junho, who was a waiter here.
“Yes, I wanted to visit Shua again,” beamed Seokmin. Oh, how he had missed it? Someone knew him. Someone was talking to him.
“How do you like life in Seoul? It must be very different from here, isn’t it?”
His smile faded a little. Yes, it was different. But not in the way Junho probably thought.
“Seokmin just told me about it. You experience something new every day, don’t you?” Joshua helped him out.
Think positively
“Yes, that’s true,” Seokmin tried to smile again.
“Ah, I understand. You both have a lot to tell each other. Then I’ll leave you alone again.” Junho winked at them.
“Thank you.”
Seokmin’s smile faded as Junho disappeared, leaving them both behind. Only Joshua knew about his worries. With him, he felt like he could be himself.
Joshua reached for his hand and touched it. “It’s not all bad, is it?”
If only he could think so positively.
At breakfast he saw three more people who spoke to them and asked him how he was. And with each time Seokmin got better at lying to people.
Which helped him a lot because his parents knew nothing. Not about Mingyu. Not about his time in the clinic or his breakdown. Absolutely nothing.
Luckily, Joshua stayed by his side and helped him get through the visit to his parents.
They skipped lunch and instead went for a long walk around the area followed by a shopping spree. They also passed Seokmin’s old work.
Compared to the shop in Seoul it was tiny. Almost puny. But they had their regular customers (not difficult in a small town).
But they were just walking past, and he saw movement. Inho and Dayoung were standing in the shop and waving.
“Do you want to go in?” Joshua asked.
“Ah, I don’t know.” Seokmin didn’t want to lie to them. They would ask him too.
“Seokmin! It’s nice to see you!”
Too late. Dayoung was standing at the door.
“Let’s go say hello.” He felt Joshua’s hand on his lower back. He could get through this, right?
“Hi,” he greeted Dayoung and Inho, who had followed her, almost shyly. Luckily there were no customers in the shop.
“Tell us! How are you? How is it in your new job? Don’t tell us you have better colleagues!” Inho complained and hugged him.
Oh, how Seokmin missed colleagues like that.
He laughed, and this time it was genuine. “No. There are no colleagues as good as you anywhere.”
“Don’t you want to come back to us? Your position is still free. We miss you.”
If only it were that easy.
“We shouldn’t pressure Seokmin into anything,” Joshua helped him again. But Dayoung and Inho were not so easy to fob off. And it weighed on his heart.
“You were so happy today, Seokmin. Don’t you want to think about it?”
They were with Joshua and were cooking dinner together.
“Come back? No. I can’t. It feels like giving up. What do I tell everyone? That I failed?”
“You could tell them a half-truth? It didn’t feel right and you feel more comfortable here?” Joshua meant well. But it...no.
“I was so excited about my new life back then. I can’t tell anyone that it wasn’t so great after all. Then they would know that I was lying.”
No, he had to go through with it.
Think positive, right?
The time to say goodbye came and when Seokmin returned to his dark and empty apartment, the loneliness hit him even harder.
He wrote to Joshua more often and Dayoung and Inho also contacted him from time to time, but the loneliness grew more and more. Seokmin thought about the idea of moving back. And yet he couldn’t do that. They would think he was a failure.
He would feel like a failure.
No, he couldn’t do that.
Almost a week later, he called Joshua again. Things weren’t getting any better and Seokmin was happy to see his number.
“Okay, that sounds crazy. But I think I have a solution to your problem. Do you remember Youngmi, who saw us at breakfast? She was in the office today and asked how you were. I should know because we’re so close.”
Okay? Seokmin didn’t really understand what Joshua was trying to imply. They were close, weren’t they? He would almost say they were best friends.
“And my colleague Eunbi, who sits at the reception, apparently saw us too and asked how long we’ve been a couple,” Joshua continued.
What?
“What?” Seokmin sat up. A couple!?
“Yes, that’s how I reacted, too. I have no idea why they think that, but apparently word has gotten around that we’re both together.” Joshua laughed. “Crazy, isn’t it? But wouldn’t that be a solution for you? We’ll pretend we’re a couple. You’ll move in with me and take your old job. Even if it’s not forever, you’ll have time to think about how you want your life to continue.”
That was crazy. They couldn’t do that.
“I don’t know. I don’t like lying to people.”
“We don’t have to lie to them much. They already think so. Call your parents. I’m sure they know, too.”
Seokmin groaned. Oh no. His mother wouldn’t forgive him for that!
“We can’t do that, Shua. We’re not together. That... no.”
That was completely crazy. How could they do that? Just because his life wasn’t going well, he couldn’t drag Joshua into it.
“We’re adults, Seokmin. We don’t have to prove anything to anyone. You’re moving in with me. We’ll eat together in public now and then, and the gossip will take care of the rest. You’d have an excuse to move back. I saw you last week. You looked really happy. Much happier than you are now. There’s no shame in realizing that the change you wanted isn’t right for you. You can come back.”
Joshua really knew how to talk to him.
He didn’t have to prove anything to anyone. Seokmin had already realized himself that he wasn’t happy here. And maybe couldn’t ever be happy either.
As if to confirm his point, his neighbors started arguing. And he could hear every single word.
Seokmin sighed.
“I...”
Could he pretend to be in a relationship with Joshua?
“And how would we do that if we met someone?” he asked doubtfully.
“Then we’ll split up. We’ve realized that we’re better off as friends and we’re splitting up on good terms. It’s simple.”
“It almost sounds like you wanted that.” This was about Seokmin. Why was Joshua so enthusiastic about it?
“Yes, I admit. It would help me too. My mother has been nagging me too much lately. I’m too old and should start looking for someone and all that. Besides, it would be nice to have someone who’s at home.”
“Shouldn’t you look for someone even more then?” asked Seokmin. He still had doubts.
“You don’t have to decide right away. I neither confirmed nor denied it today. Take your time and think about it. I just wanted to give you a reason why you could come back without losing face.”
Without losing face, right? It sounded too good to be true. Just break everything off and go back…
Two days.
Seokmin lasted two whole days. And then it all happened at once.
Last night, his neighbors had argued for ages. And then loudly reconciled in bed. Argued again. And Seokmin could hardly sleep. And things were going badly at work. His colleagues didn’t say a word to him and some switch flipped in Seokmin. It was probably the prospect of being able to return. To his old life. To the time when he was happy.
And lo and behold - exactly 16 days later, he had packed up all his things in Seoul. He didn’t have many possessions and his move only took a few hours. Pack everything up, load it into the car, and drive back. And Joshua greeted him so kindly and helped him load everything into his apartment.
A month after Seokmin’s birthday, his new, old life began.
58 days to destroy his life.
58 days to get his life somewhat under control again. And now he had 32 days left – maybe in the next 58 days he would get his life completely under control again and be truly happy?