Work Text:
So, they had a fight.
Jimin roams through the park, sniffing and hugging himself, wearing a bright orange jacket that he took with him as a trophy. He feels terrible. Honestly, Jimin can't remember ever doing something more pointless than arguing with Yoongi, which is actually an indicator, considering that's pretty much his go-to move in just about every situation. Doing shit is almost his profession. Jimin is a certified expert in it, the author of the unpublished bestsellers Escape, Escape 2, and Fucked Up; multiple winner of the honorary award Best Liar of the Year, and twenty-two-time nominee for the title Disgrace of the Family (according to his mother). Jimin is the best of the best when it comes to doing irrational shit, but even that shit always carries some pathetic, but meaning. The fight with Yoongi seems to have none.
Jimin isn't entirely sure how it happened. They were sitting in the kitchen, quietly drinking their morning coffee, enjoying the unusual silence in the empty apartment. Yoongi was clicking away on his laptop, going through the updates to his music program, and Jimin was trying to read the English article in The New York Times that Namjoon had left on the table. Maybe it was because he couldn't understand a single word, or because Yoongi didn't hear his question, or because Saturn had moved an inch higher than Mars, or something in the Universe had shifted and shorted out, but… Jimin just went and threw a fit.
What for? He has no clue. Jimin can't fully make sense of what happened, even though he was the one who lost his temper, freaked out, and started blaming Yoongi for not paying attention to him. Jimin went so far as to even get jealous of the attention hyung devoted to his music, blaming him for neglect, and started twisting Yoongi's words around, blowing the argument out of proportion. He used all his imagination and acting skills, ignored every Yoongi’s attempt to smooth things over, and asked tricky questions just to trap and corner Yoongi. Jimin played the victim so convincingly he almost fooled himself, but here's the thing: Yoongi didn't play along.
Yoongi got mad, Jimin knows that for sure. There was nothing more obvious than hyung's slightly raised shoulders, clenched fists and tense jaw; nothing more unusual than the darkened gaze of his brown eyes, clenched lips and icy tone—he really lost his temper. Yoongi even raised his voice, which he usually never does, and in response to the new barrage of accusations he barked a sharp "Enough!"—and Jimin considered this a sufficient reason to slam the door and leave haughtily.
What was it all for? Not clear.
Jimin sits down on the bench and sighs heavily, rubbing his face with his hands. Yoongi probably hates him now. Jimin has screwed up so much throughout the time they've been together, but today he seems to have outdone himself. He can't believe he did this. He can’t even understand why.
Okay, fine: maybe it’s not quite like that. Maybe, somewhere deep down, at the very core, Jimin knows why. He just doesn’t want to admit it. He’s too embarrassed. And scared. And he feels stupid and crazy, as always, when he suddenly starts doing irrational things. Jimin is just… scared. He’s terrified. He’s looking for a catch. Jimin might earn the status of an expert in paranoia, along with his well-deserved certifications in fucking up, but he just can’t shake the feeling that… well, Yoongi is too perfect?
Literally.
Yoongi is the epitome of calm and understanding. Hyung never blames Jimin, never rushes him or gets annoyed (he once patiently waited twenty minutes in the middle of a crowded supermarket just because Jimin couldn’t choose a flavor of yogurt). Yoongi never looks at him with skepticism when Jimin childishly admires ordinary things like a flower on the windowsill or fluffy snowflakes. Yoongi doesn't call him an idiot (not even once), doesn't think he's a piece of shit (is that even possible?), doesn't make fun of him, and doesn't force him to answer questions when Jimin doesn't want to. In fact, Jimin was starting to worry that Yoongi was some kind of maniac or something, because what normal person could stand being around Jimin? Not to mention his exes, his mom couldn't stand it. She would always sigh loudly, call Jimin useless, and make decisions herself because she knew what was best. And Jimin never knew anything, he was just a stupid kid and therefore always messed things up, did all sorts of nonsense no one asked for, and ruined her grand plans. Jimin is used to being treated like this: with neglect, disdain, and irritation. It’s normal when someone has to deal with him. But Yoongi… Yoongi has been acting differently for three whole months now.
That's the problem. Jimin is actually scared as hell because Yoongi is… kind? Calm? Understanding? Jimin means, who the hell would go shopping with him and spend three hours just to find and buy one silk shirt? Who would buy their boyfriend expensive sun-shaped vitamin jellies just like that, for no reason, because he likes orange flavor? And what normal person would get out of bed at three in the morning to make Jimin hot chocolate without sugar, because he, you see, can’t sleep? It's too much. Jimin just doesn’t believe this is possible—certainly not for someone like him.
So, following the logic, Jimin kept waiting for Yoongi to stop being kind and start demanding something in return. To set his own rules. To catch him in a lie and question where he’d been. Jimin was waiting for Yoongi to start getting angry, throwing accusations, maybe even blackmailing him by threatening to tell their unsuspecting neighbor Namjoon about their relationship, but three months have passed, and from this list, Yoongi has done… nothing.
Not a single argument. No irritation at the petty lies, the constant hiding from Namjoon, or even the persistent calls from Jimin's mother in the middle of their dates. No demands or ultimatums. No neglect. Yoongi seems to be... fine with him? Yoongi acts like Jimin is enough.
Jimin is in a panic. He's too fucking scared to even think about it.
He knows the paradox of two opposite beings hiding in one person who looks safe and warm, just like his mother, and then revealing an angry face when you least expect it. It just so happened that Jimin’s mother was always sweet in front of guests, but dropped her caring mask as soon as the door closed behind them. She would scream at him so loudly that it hurt his ears. Jimin doesn't remember her words, only the insults and the way he would inevitably start crying from the fear and power emanating from her. Jimin's mother hated it when he cried. She hated tears, she hated Jimin, and she hated his weakness, no matter how old he was. So she would start beating him. And then she would make him apologize to her for it.
Jimin's father also seemed safe: he was a smiling, caring and cheerful dad, but only in front of the camera, surrounded by other people at his birthday parties (strictly until Jimin turned ten). Jimin's father only beat him twice: for getting an "F" in Korean in fifth grade and after he stupidly tried to run away from home. His dad used another, more effective method of humiliation: He ignored Jimin. Jimin was always a non-existent ghost, a nonentity, not worth even a glance from his father. Jimin was a nobody and completely financially dependent on him. And his father reveled in his power and Jimin's fear no less than his mother, just in a different way.
Based on all this, Jimin learned the main lesson well: Everything good and safe only seems so. Everyone has an ulterior motive. And if Yoongi doesn’t yell at him now, there’s no guarantee that his kind face won’t instantly become evil. Jimin just wanted to speed up this process. He expected Yoongi to lose his temper, finally stop playing the caring boyfriend and just… Jimin doesn’t know, do something. Something bad. Jimin just wanted to understand who he was dealing with, what he should avoid doing, and how best to behave so as not to provoke total hell in the future, but the thing is…
It seems that Yoongi’s face is not a mask.
It seems like Jimin really hurt him a lot.
He feels the guilt growing inside him, squeezing his throat and chest, coiling around his torso like a giant python, and Jimin is afraid that it will open its maw and swallow him whole. All at once.
So he does what he usually does in these situations: Jimin doesn’t think about it. Jimin is a master at fleeing from the truth, embarrassment, and responsibility. So, for now, he’ll just have to be patient, figure out how Yoongi prefers to make up, and find a way to make amends. Nothing complicated. Nothing at all, except for the obvious fact that Yoongi is pissed as hell at him.
Hyung probably won't forgive him that easily. Maybe he’ll torture Jimin with waiting before laying down his demands, unless, of course, he decides to end the relationship today (Jimin panickedly dismisses this option). Maybe Yoongi will try to get an apology, something Jimin will do his best to avoid. Or maybe he won't bother at all and will just choose the easiest of the two main options.
Jimin has a hard time imagining Yoongi yelling at him or hitting him. It’s not that he doesn’t have experience of such relationships (fortunately, brief), but of all the obvious choices, his hyung will most likely prefer the second:
Yoongi will choose to ignore him.
***
Yoongi doesn’t ignore him. He answers Jimin’s questions, he reacts to Jimin’s presence, he asks if Jimin is going to have dinner, but Yoongi is… dry with him. It's the most ridiculous word Jimin could come up with, but that's the damn thing. Yoongi doesn’t say ‘Minnie,’ doesn’t touch him, and doesn’t look at him with usual warmth in his eyes. It’s weird. Jimin can tell Yoongi is still angry, but he doesn’t show it. He doesn’t yell, demand an apology, ignore Jimin, or pressure him, even though they both know exactly who’s at fault. And if Yoongi thinks these methods will make Jimin apologize, he’s very mistaken.
Jimin hates apologizing. He hates the feeling of shame, humiliation, and helpless anger—the doom in his chest and the absolute power of the person he’s apologizing to. He hates the feeling of powerlessness and worthlessness, the obligation to obey and do whatever the person wants just to be ‘forgiven.’ Jimin hates this feeling, as if even his life is not valuable enough to pay for the huge offense he caused, even if he did nothing wrong and it’s not really his fault. But what he hates even more is feeling truly guilty, because he has nothing to make up for it—and the remnants of his pride prevent him from scattering apologies and begging for forgiveness as if he were nothing but a doormat beneath someone's feet. Jimin is truly disgusted by this. He is sickened by the very thought, by the very memory of those moments when he was forced to literally stand on his knees.
So Jimin doesn't apologize unless he's forced to. Jimin doesn't apologize unless he's pinned against a wall, grabbed by the throat, and ordered to apologize in exchange for his life. He doesn't apologize unless he feels like his significant other is leaving, cold and distant, and has no intention of coming back. He doesn't apologize unless he feels like there's even the slightest chance he won't have to. No way.
And Yoongi gives him a whole field of chances. An entire stadium. An endless ocean of fucking chances, so Jimin doesn't even come close to feeling pinned against a wall. He doesn't feel hopeless, powerless, and doesn’t need to overcome the inner protest to say ‘I'm sorry’—and feel disgusted with himself. Nope. Jimin is free as a bird because Yoongi isn't ignoring him, pressuring him, or even yelling at him, and it's like a resort in the Maldives; like someone up there mixed up the tickets and instead of burning in Hell, Jimin is sipping cocktails on a sandy beach. Sure, with a hint of sadness and a gloomy sky, but still. It's still not a fucking tsunami heading his way.
So in some strange way, Jimin feels happy and starts asking Yoongi a thousand questions just to make sure he’s not being ignored. Five minutes later, still not ignored. Ten minutes later, still the same. Not even the dumbest questions go unanswered. No 'I’m busy.' And he even gets a 'good night' wish! Jimin is happy.
Then, of course, his happiness fades a little, because Yoongi is a flint, hard and unbreakable in his… dryness? Jimin can’t find a better word, it’s weird. He has no idea what Yoongi wants. It’s ridiculous to demand an apology like that. And Jimin doesn’t feel pressured to do anything, Yoongi doesn’t lay down any ultimatums, but there’s still something wrong between them, and it keeps nagging at him.
It's really getting on Jimin’s nerves.
Jimin is sure the fight will blow over eventually. He had a boyfriend who preferred to ignore any conflicts, acting as if nothing had happened—and they just moved on with their lives. He had a girlfriend who ignored him to get an apology (but ended up failing). He had a partner who insisted he sit through two hours of yelling and complaints, then bring a rose—and everything was awesome again. And, again, there was a guy with whom they patched things up through sex. Jimin knows a thousand and one ways to read the partner's expectations after a fight, but with Yoongi, he's completely at a loss. In fact, he has a hard time understanding what's going on at all.
Yoongi keeps his distance, but he doesn't ignore Jimin. Yoongi doesn't touch him, nor does he want to be touched. He still cares for Jimin, but he obviously hasn’t let the fight go. He doesn't demand an apology or lay down any conditions. Yoongi isn’t going to pretend the fight never happened, and hyung is so damn adamant that Jimin is starting to feel desperate. The days go by, but nothing shifts. It’s like they’re... frozen. Stuck in that endless, post-fight state.
And Jimin doesn't like this at all.
After about two weeks, he gets really tired. At first, Jimin pretended nothing happened. Then he tried to decipher Yoongi's hidden codes to figure out the rules of the game. Having failed, Jimin waited a long time for the explosion, only to realize nothing would happen. After all this, he looked for a catch, but also came up empty. And now, Jimin starts to miss Yoongi. He misses hyung so fucking much.
Jimin craves physical affection. Jimin wants to feel hyung's touch, wants to sit on his lap, laugh together, moan from each other's kisses and fall asleep in his arms, feeling the familiar warmth. He wants to share breakfast for two, not in silence or with small talk, but as a couple of lovestruck fools, feeding each other. Jimin wants to go back to the time when he wasn’t an idiot and didn’t start any fights to see what would happen. He swears to himself that he’ll never make the same mistake again, because, as it turns out, fighting with Yoongi is too costly. Jimin just wants everything to be good again.
But Yoongi is obviously against it.
It’s not that Yoongi has been angry with him for two weeks—he’s been calm and relaxed for a while, but it doesn’t make Jimin’s life any easier. He still has no idea what he's supposed to do. Jimin is completely in the dark about what Yoongi wants from him, so he figures the smartest (and basically only) person he puts some faith in—Namjoon—is his best bet for advice.
“Namjoon,” Jimin begins cautiously, having handed Namjoon soju to drink under the guise of a movie night, “imagine a hypothetical situation.”
Namjoon is swaying a little, even sitting up, and maybe Jimin has overdone it a bit, but he really needs this conversation to get lost somewhere in the place where all drunken memories of drunk people go—in oblivion.
“Hypot-” Namjoon hiccups. “Thetical?”
“Yeah,” Jimin nods. “Let’s say you have a…girlfriend,” he pauses, waiting for Namjoon’s eyes to signal that the words had reached him. “And you… Well, let’s say you had a fight with her.”
“Mmm, ok-” Namjoon hiccups again. “Okay. I imgind it.”
“So,” Jimin continues, “you need to make up with her. How would you do that?”
Even drunk, Namjoon gives him a look.
“Jm-eenie,” he says slurredly. “It’s a gir-” hiccups. “Girl. Buy her flwers, fuck, Idunno.”
Jimin imagines handing a bouquet of flowers to the bewildered Yoongi and assuring hyung of his eternal love.
“That’s not it,” Jimin winces. “That’s… not an ordinary girl. That’s, um… A special kind of girl, y’know?”
Namjoon yawns, unimpressed.
“What’s ‘e-er,” he drawls, “nme?”
“Uhm...” Jimin quickly sketches out options. “Yoonji.”
Namjoon yawns widely again and his eyes begin to close.
“So tll her,” Namjoon mumbles, leaning dangerously to the right. He is already starting to fall asleep. “Yujin…”
“Yoonji,” Jimin corrects him, but Namjoon is already losing his train of thought, leaning towards his shoulder. “Hey, Namjoon! Don't sleep, you hear me?!” Jimin shakes him by the shoulder. Namjoon grunts with displeasure, finally falling onto him. “What should I tell her?”
Namjoon mumbles something in response, and then immediately passes out, drooling on his shoulder. Jimin is left alone with nothing but bottles of soju and lingering questions.
There's zero help from Namjoon. Jimin isn’t desperate enough to consider talking to Jungkook, and he’d rather die than ask his mother for advice. So, he's left with nothing but himself.
And his brilliant ideas.
Here's the thing: there are romantic dramas for every occasion in your life. And in all dramas, for the main character to be forgiven, he has to do something cool. Like epicly confessing in love, for example. Or running through the rain after his love, spinning her around in slow motion, and kissing her. Or disappearing for years, only to return in shining armor, telling his beloved how he couldn't live a day without her, pompously laying the world at her feet. Unfortunately, Jimin isn't planning to disappear for years—mainly because he knows he won't come back. And running after Yoongi in the rain also doesn't seem like the best idea. He's too poor for expensive gifts, and Yoongi is too expensive for cheap ones, so Jimin dismisses this idea too. It's somehow too early to confess eternal love, and heroic deeds aren’t exactly Jimin's thing: when it comes to running away, then sure, but otherwise he can't even save himself, let alone others. On top of that—Jimin vangs—Yoongi is unlikely to appreciate the efforts to win his heart with sweets and flowers, coupled with sugary phrases ‘you’re the most beautiful.’ All that’s left is the element of surprise. And Jimin’s resourcefulness, of course.
Yoongi likes photography. Sure, he likes music more, but Jimin is unlikely to write a song himself, and asking Namjoon for help is too risky, so he decides to limit himself to his own efforts. After all, it’s not a cosmic-scale fight, and Jimin's Too Cool Feats will look weird. Photos are the perfect option he needs. And besides, he has Jungkook. Jungkook loves photography and will probably lend him his camera for an hour.
“No,” Jungkook says with an unbothered face, helping himself to some kimchi at the buffet.
“Oh, please,” Jimin pleads, and by the way, he’s the one who’s paying for Jungkook’s food right now. “I’ll give it right back!”
“Of course you will,” Jungkook agrees, moving further with his tray. “But I'm not lending it to you.”
“Why?!” Jimin rages, cutting him with his laser-like gaze.
“Because,” Jungkook replies.
That’s all. No way to convince him.
“But Jungko-o-ok,” Jimin starts whining, but immediately changes tactics, coming up with a more suitable option. “You can help me.”
“No,” Jungkook responds in a disinterested tone, putting huge pieces of meat on his plate.
“But listen,” Jimin convinces, “you don’t have to give me the camera, you can take pictures yourself! I’ll just show you the places, okay?”
Jungkook opens his mouth to, of course, say ‘no,’ but Jimin adds, “And I’ll pay for your lunches for a whole week.”
Jungkook looks at him as if he's hesitant, but in reality it's never clear what the fuck he's thinking. He might be quartering Jimin in his head right now or something.
"No," Jungkook answers and turns away, refocusing on the food in front of him.
Jimin feels like he's exhausted his arguments. He hates Jungkook.
Okay, fine. Jimin has a camera on his phone. Not a bad camera, he must say. Not a bad phone. But Namjoon's is better, for sure. Namjoon has a flagship, the latest model, and Namjoon is not Jungkook and quite sincerely lends Jimin his iPhone during the day, for a few hours, while he sleeps off after his shift. Jimin is effective and happy. He's like the courageous drama hero, ready to win back his loved one with the perfect plan he’s come up with. Yoongi will be thrilled.
Jimin runs around Seoul taking pictures of the places he and Yoongi have visited, buys up half a stationery store, visits photo kiosk, and after returning Namjoon's phone and making himself a mug of hot chocolate, dives into YouTube, intending to learn all about how to make the best gift. Yoongi looks at him with surprise, slightly interested in Jimin's unusual burst of enthusiasm, but asks nothing, heading to the studio to finish the track. Jimin sees him off with a smile and wishes him luck.
YouTube says next:
If you are broke, make something with your own hands! Handmade as the best gift! It's easy and straightforward!
Or not. Perhaps handmade and Jimin are just not made for each other. He fights with glue, glitter, somehow manages to paint his chin with markers and smears not only the semblance of a photo album, but also his bed with paint. When he finishes the draft, the room looks like a staged apocalypse or, at best, a place where a horde of children ran through—and it’s good that Yoongi can’t see it. Jimin’s clumsiness is unlikely to earn him any points for forgiveness in Yoongi’s eyes.
But, in fact, everything is not so bad. For example, Jimin likes videos about how to weave bracelets. He imagines how beautiful a simple bracelet made of threads and wooden beads would look on Yoongi’s graceful wrist during the music competition, and gets so excited by the idea that he adds it to his grandiose plans. As an addition. After all, no one can forbid him to make it.
Jimin isn't much of an artist, but he draws the design himself, chooses the colors, and selects each bead, arranging all the materials into a bracelet. It's so damn exciting that Jimin even forgets about the business project assignment and nearly misses one of his classes while putting the finishing touches on the bracelet. He feels oddly happy that he's making this bracelet for Yoongi, and god, Jimin misses hyung so much. They'll never fight again. Certainly not from his initiative. Jimin can't handle that again. Yoongi is completely invincible.
Namjoon asks what kind of creative project Jimin is working on, and Yoongi looks at him in surprise, joining in the questioning. It's weird, there's been no anger, no awkwardness, no tension between them for a long time now, but there's still a thin, clear line. Jimin hovers near it, unable to cross it. It's weird, because every line has rules, and Yoongi's line is no exception. Jimin knows he has to do something, but he's unsure what that something is. What is Yoongi even expecting from him?
They talk, sometimes joke, sometimes sit together in the kitchen and drink coffee in comfortable silence. Yoongi doesn't pressure him, doesn't act out of spite, doesn't ask anything from him, and still hasn't ignored him. He's right there, yet feels so damn far away. And Jimin is not going to put up with this so easily.
So, for the next week, alongside putting together the secret photo gift, Jimin challenges the line Yoongi drew. He tries to touch Yoongi, he tries to kiss him, he tries to get into Yoongi’s bed to sleep together, he even tries to seduce hyung (almost dying of embarrassment), but none of it… works. And Jimin would think this is Yoongi’s sophisticated way of dumping him if he were met with indifference or anger. But damn, Yoongi just doesn’t engage with him. Hyung doesn’t kick him out of his bed, but doesn’t hug him like he usually does; they sleep until the morning, just lying next to each other. Yoongi doesn’t push him away when Jimin tries to kiss him, he just gently pulls away and says something like “I don’t think this is appropriate right now.” He even reacts to Jimin’s attempts to seduce him (and, unlike Jimin, doesn’t get embarrassed by it), but he doesn’t let it escalate into anything else. Yoongi is absolutely adamant. Calm and stubborn as hell. Jimin sometimes hates him, sometimes admires him, but most of all, he’s just so in love with hyung. But he prefers not to think about it—certainly not now, when Jimin is trying so damn hard to find a way to get things back to the way they were.
By the end of the third week after their fight, the gift is finally ready. Jimin put a lot of nerves and energy into it, but he's content with the result. He did it. He succeeded and he’s proud of himself. Jimin will finally make up with Yoongi and put everything back in place. And hell, he’ll never—ever—make the same mistake again.
The photo album is rectangular in shape, quite thick, because Jimin pasted the photos onto watercolor pages by hand, decorating them with crooked drawings and signatures, cardboard frames, stickers, and quotes from films and books. And no, this album doesn’t look like a child's drawing, okay? Jimin is stylish and neat, he calculated everything and even used a ruler, like a true business college student. Jungkook, of course, wouldn’t praise it, but this is not for Jungkook—Yoongi likes handmade things. Hyung will definitely appreciate his efforts, even if the end result leaves much to be desired.
What Jimin is really proud of is the bracelet. The bracelet is woven from coarse threads, adorned with a few beads of wood, porcelain, and clay in various colors. It’s simple and unobtrusive, blending easily with any outfit—from a tuxedo to a tracksuit. It's an inconspicuous trinket that embodies the owner’s character, something he can wear at any time, in any place, as an inseparable part of him. Jimin knows that the bracelet won’t stand out much against the bright photo album—after all, it’s just brown threads with five beads: pastel, black, porcelain, gray, and light pink. He admits that Yoongi might just put it aside, focusing on the main gift, but Jimin likes it anyway. He can’t help it, as if the bracelet is an actual part of Yoongi, which he likes as much as the others. Jimin likes all of Yoongi. And he really wants hyung to like him back.
The day X comes on Saturday. Namjoon plans to go to the club that night, intending to either stay at a motel or crash at Hoseok’s—and here it is, the perfect moment to make up with Yoongi. Jimin must act.
Sure, in dramas, the main character lights candles, throws rose petals, turns on music, and puts on a beautiful sexy suit while lounging on the bed, but Jimin doesn’t feel ready for that kind of extreme action. He can’t stop thinking about what will happen if Yoongi reacts with confusion—and then they’ll have to break up, because Jimin will actually flee the city and fly away from this planet, burning with shame, to live with penguins on distant Mars, wishing no one will ever see or remember him again. It will be too embarrassing. Jimin won’t survive it (literally). Damn it, even what he’s planning to do causes him a ton of embarrassment and a desire to hide under the bed, only to come out after Yoongi unwraps, sees and appreciates the gift on his own. But Jimin is resilient. He’s manly, and he needs to be here to see everything. Jimin can't just leave his gift on Yoongi's bed and run away. They're not in kindergarten, damn it.
Jimin's palms are sweaty when Yoongi comes out of the bathroom. Jimin is sweating all over like he's about to be tortured, even though he's supposed to be making up with his boyfriend and should be expecting lots of love and mind-blowing sex. Instead, Jimin is bracing for embarrassment and starting to doubt his entire plan.
He hears Yoongi swearing under his breath, probably because he forgot something in the bathroom, and he can smell the refreshing scent of body wash and aftershave wafting through the apartment along with the steam from the open bathroom door. Jimin misses the days they shaved together. He misses Yoongi's scent on his bed, the warmth of hyung’s hands on his hips and the tenderness of Yoongi's lips on his neck. He misses the feel of Yoongi's fleece pajamas when Jimin undresses first, and the softness in hyung’s brown eyes whenever Jimin says something silly or admires the simplest things too much. He misses their kissing, cozy evenings of cuddling, walking along the Han River together, and intertwining pinkies before heading off to classes in the morning. Jimin feels like he’s lost something important, and he desperately wants it back. And maybe a handmade photo album isn't the best way to smooth things over, but romantic dramas say it is. And Namjoon would say the same thing if he hadn't fallen asleep. And Namjoon is smart, Namjoon knows what he's talking about. So Jimin should believe in himself. He can do it. And may dramas help him. Amen.
Yoongi walks into the room wearing his huge navy terry robe, bath amenities in his hand. Jimin jumps up as if he's been stung, blushing under hyung's surprised gaze, wishing he could sink into the ground. No panic. He can handle it. Yoongi never makes fun of him, and Jimin poured so much effort into the gift—it has to pay off. The ice has to break, they can’t remember that one fight forever. It's been three weeks—if Yoongi loves him, he misses him too.
“Hyung,” Jimin starts excitedly, because the main thing is the right mood. “I have a present for you.”
“My birthday was in March,” Yoongi says, confused, and gives him that same look that always makes Jimin happy and eager to surprise him even more.
“I know,” Jimin replies with a smile. All his nervousness disappears at this point. How could he forget? This is Yoongi’s main talent: making embarrassing situations cozy. “But it’s a different present. We haven’t spent time alone for a while, so… This is for you,” he takes the photo book from Yoongi’s bed, handing it to him personally, and hyung puts the bath amenities on the mattress to accept the gift.
It's not that Jimin expects wild excitement… but yes, he does. It’s like Yoongi will get all emotional, scrolling through their photos together, then burst into tears, they’ll start kissing, have sex—and voila, the fight is forgotten! Everything will fall back into place, and they will be happy as if nothing ever happened. And these are not empty words. Dramas, books, Namjoon, and even Jimin's personal experience (and he’s not the first day in a relationship)—everything says that this is how it should be.
But Yoongi, for some reason, doesn’t cry. He doesn’t gush about how sweet it is or how touched he is. He doesn’t swear eternal love, doesn’t apologize for ignoring him (not that Yoongi actually ignored him, but that’s just Jimin’s past experience talking), and he doesn’t kiss Jimin with enormous gratitude. First of all, Yoongi takes a close look at the album. To be honest, the photo album is just a formality, a reason for reconciliation, and any normal person would flip through a couple of pages and throw it aside, occupying themselves with more interesting things (Jimin, for example). But Yoongi sits down on the bed and literally reads everything Jimin wrote there. He looks at the drawings and runs his fingers over the photos and letters, as if he were studying something very beautiful. Jimin isn’t sure what’s going on, but he feels a thrill, as if every time Yoongi touches the pages, it’s a touch to him. As if this album, like Jimin himself, is valuable. In fact, it might not be Yoongi who’s going to cry today.
Secondly, Yoongi asks about every detail of the album. He wonders what is drawn here, what’s the idea behind it, and whether he’s reading what’s written correctly. He remembers their dates with Jimin, and for a moment, it seems like the line between them fades away, but the next moment Yoongi draws it back, finding a new question to ask. It feels like they are close, closer than ever, emotionally. It’s like Jimin lives in Yoongi’s chest, and Yoongi is a warm ball in Jimin’s, even if they’re not physically interacting with each other. It’s strange. It’s nice. But it’s not enough. Not for Jimin. In these moments, he craves their touch more than ever.
Third, Yoongi notices the bracelet. Jimin tucked it into a small envelope on the cover at the very end. He himself didn’t understand why he did it. Part of him desperately wanted Yoongi to notice it, and the other part was equally strongly afraid of it. So Jimin hid the bracelet in an inconspicuous pocket on the back of the cover, torn by internal contradictions, and just hoped that Yoongi would find it sometime later. Maybe in a month or a few years. Or won't find it at all.
But Yoongi finds it right away.
Jimin sees the interest in his eyes and watches the admiration, feeling like a heavy weight has been lifted from his shoulders: Yoongi likes it. The most meaningful, the most important thing Jimin included in this gift… Yoongi likes it.
“It looks branded,” Yoongi examines every detail, captivated, as if the simple bracelet in his hands were a true masterpiece. He’s so engrossed that he doesn’t even look at Jimin. “What brand is it?”
“It’s mine,” Jimin answers quietly, watching Yoongi’s fingers gently sort through the multi-colored beads—carefully, but not out of reverence for the brand, but for the value of the bracelet itself. “I made it for you.”
Yoongi looks up at him and so many emotions splash in his eyes: surprise, admiration, tenderness, pain… Jimin feels a sharp pang of guilt; the weight of their unresolved fight looming between them, ponderous and threatening, because he doesn’t want any revelations. Jimin doesn’t want to feel helpless and guilty, doesn’t want to admit how scared he is, and he doesn’t want to tell Yoongi about his stupid fear either. Jimin wants to hide, like he always has, and frankly, he’s terrified that Yoongi doesn’t need his masks, his body, and his lies. Jimin feels trapped.
“I wanted to make a bracelet for all occasions,” he says, trying to ruin the moment. “So that you can take it into the shower, to the university, and even sleep with it—it’s convenient, especially when you’re too lazy to take it off and put it on a hundred times,” he gets worked up, trying to drown out his nervousness with these words. “But you don’t have to wear it, of course, if you don’t want to, I just thought it was a good idea. I’ve never made bracelets before, and then I wanted to, and I watched the video…”
Jimin goes on and on. Fills the pause, remembering insignificant details and stupid facts. He jabbers on about some nonsense, and Yoongi just listens to him until Jimin runs out of breath, falling silent and frantically searching for another topic to start the next monologue.
“Jimin,” Yoongi says quietly, in a we-need-to-talk tone.
No, they don’t. Not now.
Jimin does it before he even realizes—he flinches, jerking away from Yoongi. It's stupid, rude, and discourteous. There's no fucking reason to do that when Jimin can open his mouth and say, ‘Not now.’ Yoongi won't force him to talk. Yoongi has never forced him to do anything in the almost year and a half they've been neighbors, but Jimin's body reacts faster than his brain. It always has.
"Sorry," Jimin apologizes for his sudden jerk and forces himself to get back to his seat. A part of him desperately resists it, but another, larger and more mature part, respects Yoongi too strongly to flee like that.
Yoongi sighs. Jimin watches his eyes fill with sadness and a faint sense of doom, but then hyung holds out his hand, offering to put the bracelet on, and Jimin carefully fastens the clasp around Yoongi's wrist.
“Thank you,” Yoongi says, catching his fingers just barely, pausing for a moment before pulling his hand away.
It's not the ‘thank you, you're forgiven’ Jimin had planned. Not the polite ‘I’m very pleased’ when you didn’t like the gift, and not ‘Oh my God, this is so cool!’ either. It's a sincere thank you.
A thank you that doesn't change anything.
Jimin feels disappointed, yet strangely at peace knowing that Yoongi accepted the gift, even though the line Yoongi drew is still here between them. Jimin doesn't feel humiliated or rejected, doesn't want to die of shame, and doesn’t hate himself for the forced apology. Jimin feels good, even if he's tired as hell, kind of annoyed, and still misses Yoongi.
He falls back onto the bed when Yoongi leaves to make them drinks, and sighs, looking at the ceiling. Very strange.
Jimin never thought anyone could replace his dreams of mind-blowing sex with a cup of hot chocolate.
***
Yoongi is waiting for something from him. His line has rules that Jimin ignores and that's why nothing works out. Okay. Fine. Jimin is going to figure out what he's doing wrong.
What is it that Yoongi wants? He doesn't make direct demands on Jimin, nor does he impose subtle ones. Yoongi doesn’t use sex as a way to reward or punish him, as if he’s some kind of dog (and plenty of people have used training on Jimin, so he has something to compare it to), and he doesn't neglect Jimin's needs. Yoongi doesn't belittle him or blame him, he isn’t bribed with gifts, and apparently refuses to pretend the fight never happened. Jimin is stumped. He has no idea how this line works.
Jimin knows lines—both the boundaries and the limits. There are lines of ‘shut up,’ ‘you’re pissing me off,’ ‘none of your business,’ ‘get the fuck out,’ and ‘I’m tired.’ Jimin knows lines when he is punished by being denied communication or touch, and he knows the cold distance of alienation when everything is about to fall apart. He also knows the opposite side—the absence of lines: constant control, calls, demands, and manipulation. The euphoric feeling when you are one whole, and the all-consuming pain when you have to tear yourself out of this whole with the flesh just to save yourself. Jimin knows how to distinguish when lines are brittle, like a crust of ice, and indestructible, like a granite wall. He knows a lot about all of these things, but the line that Yoongi draws doesn’t fit anywhere. It’s unbreakable, yet flexible; transparent, but impenetrable; it definitely has a purpose, but apparently it doesn’t apply to Jimin. This is weird. It's hard for him to grasp what the point is.
If Yoongi doesn't need anything from him, then why does he keep the line? And if he does, then why doesn't he manipulate Jimin's needs? The only thing Yoongi has limited him to is physical contact, but Jimin may well live without it for a while. Seriously, he has his hands, access to the Internet, and his own imagination, after all. He can cuddle with people if he wants, and overall it's not a disaster. Yoongi still talks to him and takes care of him, lets Jimin lie next to him at night, and doesn't pressure him at all. Jimin is mostly satisfied, calm, and relatively happy—so what's the point? Wouldn't it make more sense to limit him, like, further? Jimin doesn't see the logic in it.
There's only one thing that Yoongi could hypothetically demand with his behavior: an apology. And if that's the case, hyung has chosen the wrong tactic, because Jimin will never willingly do that. No way. He knows he's at fault, and he's willing to make amends any way he can, except this. Jimin won't apologize, and Yoongi's weird line will never get anything out of him. This is stupid. They could lose each other if Yoongi doesn't give him an alternative chance to atone.
So Jimin reaches a certain level of desperation and starts watching. He takes his mind off his grand theories, romantic dramas, his past experiences, and Namjoon's useless advice, and observes. Tries to take Yoongi’s hints.
At first, he doesn't see anything. Jimin feels like a blind kitten, not noticing any subtexts or hidden signs, any intonations or looks—Yoongi is just ordinary Yoongi, a little sad, tired, and constantly sleep-deprived, but without any signs of suppressed annoyance or attempts to bend Jimin to his will. Sometimes Yoongi stays silent longer than usual, and other times he seems ready to say something, but then backs off whenever Jimin finds some Super Urgent Matter to escape an approaching conversation. Yoongi seems okay even with it. Yoongi looks calm and composed, patient and not at all pissed off at Jimin. This… doesn't fit Jimin's usual experience with partners during arguments. It feels like a puzzle with a missing piece, one that Jimin is desperately trying—and failing—to see. Something is happening, but Jimin doesn't understand what exactly at first: He doesn't feel like the center of everything. Yoongi's world and feelings don't revolve around him alone, and along with some resentment, Jimin begins to feel relieved by this. Yoongi's list of priorities doesn't include forcing Jimin to behave a certain way; controlling Jimin is not A Top Priority to him, and Jimin's feelings in this relationship remain his right and his choice alone. This is amazing freedom and great responsibility. Something foreign to him until now—freaking scary, yet liberating and pleasant at the same time. Jimin couldn't see this whole picture before. Before, Jimin had only seen himself.
When he starts looking at Yoongi, everything changes. Jimin notices that keeping the line in place isn’t easy for him. He sees that hyung is also tired. Suddenly, Jimin realizes why Yoongi lets him lie next to him at night and why his eyes grow sadder with each passing day. It becomes obvious to him what Yoongi is waiting for. Jimin notices the short pauses in conversations, as if hyung is making space for him to start the serious one. He watches Yoongi wear the bracelet without taking it off, occasionally stroking the beads with the thumb of his hand. Hopeful glances, gentle smiles, hidden gestures when hyung wants to touch him but holds back… Yoongi is waiting for him to be ready. It’s so fucking mind-boggling that Jimin needs the entire day to digest it, staring blankly into space and not hearing a word of Jungkook’s scolding.
It means Yoongi has been taking care of him all this time, not plotting how to manipulate Jimin for his own gain. It means the line has a purpose: it’s not there to limit Jimin, but to protect Yoongi. It means that for four long weeks, Yoongi has been patiently waiting—and continues to wait—for Jimin to understand that he doesn’t need sex, gifts, or heroic deeds. All Yoongi needs is a simple 'I’m sorry.'
But it’s not as simple as it may seem.
Jimin's tongue just won't move when it comes to saying 'sorry.' He physically can't bring himself to do it. Jimin resists apologizing with every fiber of his being—his soul, body, brain, heart, and everything else he has. He would never willingly condemn himself to handing over such power to someone: power over him, his dignity, the remnants of his self-esteem, his will, his freedom, and most importantly, his chance to flee. Jimin won't do it. It's too much—like giving in to slavery willingly, with no reason or way back. Jimin hasn't lost his sanity yet. The question is, how long does Yoongi even plan to wait?
It's been almost a month since their fight: Jimin continues to ignore the problem, Yoongi continues to wait, but this can't last forever. If Jimin doesn't give in, Yoongi will be the one to accept defeat. It will be the end. The end of their relationship, because Yoongi won’t put up with the constant tension, hide-and-seek, and pretense—hyung outlined this quite clearly. Jimin will lose him, like all the good people in his worthless, cowardly life. For the reason that saves and destroys him—his option to flee. It's so stupid.
Jimin cries all day, feeling trapped; hopelessness creeping over his skin as if he were bound in ropes and strangled with no chance of escape. Yoongi finds him in the corner of the bathroom, sobbing and no doubt pathetic, and spends a full hour comforting him. Jimin clings to hyung like a lifeline, refusing to let go until he finally falls asleep, comforted by the soft voice and the gentle touch of warm hands.
The next morning, Yoongi looks worried as he leaves for his classes and asks Jin to come stay with Jimin. It’s touching, but Jimin is fine. He doesn’t need anyone’s help—he’s dealt with worse. Still, the concern is sweet, and the unconscious 'sorry, Minnie' makes him feel both better and worse at the same time, if that's even fucking possible. Jimin doesn't want to lose Yoongi. He'd do anything to save what they have, but Jimin isn't willing to lose what's left of his personality to do it. The price is too high. The price is Jimin himself, and he's not ready to pay with himself in a relationship. He can't do that.
But Seokjin seems to have a different opinion.
“A relationship is a fragile thing,” he says out of the blue, pouring boiling water into the mugs. “Like a house of cards: you take a long time to build, and then one gust of wind—and poof!” Jin imitates an explosion by sharply opening the fist of his free hand. “As if nothing was there.”
Jimin freezes, holding his breath in fear at his words.
“But you know why that is?” Jin continues carefree, putting the kettle back in place. “It’s all about trust. A bad foundation makes a flimsy house, and then it doesn’t even take wind for everything to fall apart.”
“What do you mean, hyung?” Jimin acts clueless.
“Well, let's take apologizing, for example,” Jin says nonchalantly, and either he’s such a good actor, or he’s just throwing it at random, but he hits the nail on the head. “Do you know what is the most difficult thing about apologizing?” He carefully takes the mugs by the handles and carries them to the table, placing one in front of Jimin. “Vulnerability. And how do you allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone you don’t trust? No way!” he snorts, as if Jimin is arguing with him here. ”Distrust breeds distrust, that’s what I’ll tell you. I'm afraid of you—I defend myself. And you respond by defending yourself from me. But as soon as you lower your weapon—I lower mine too.”
Jimin pushes the mug towards himself and lowers his gaze, avoiding looking at him.
“Why are you telling me this, hyung?”
“I thought you'd be interested in hearing about my old, but very useful experience,” Seokjin proudly says, sitting across from him, and starts stirring his tea with a spoon.
“And you decided to talk to me about trust?” Jimin chuckles, not looking up.
He doesn't know Seokjin very well. Seokjin is Yoongi's childhood friend, the closest person to hyung after his older brother. Jimin is glad that Yoongi has people in his life who truly love and care for him, but most of what he knows about them are stories Yoongi has told him. Jimin can't even call Seokjin a good acquaintance and doesn't know how he should take advice from him.
"Why not?" Seokjin shrugs. "The topic is damn relevant for all times.”
Jimin huffs unhappily.
“If everything was that simple, it wouldn’t be relevant,” he mutters.
“You’re absolutely right!” Seokjin strongly supports him. “The eternal dilemma of who’ll make the first move,” he casts a meaningful glance at Jimin, “and who’ll accept it, lowering their weapons.”
“No one puts down their weapon just like that,” Jimin objects.
“They do,” Jin says softly and puts his spoon on the table. “If they don’t want a war.”
Jimin thinks about Seokjin’s words over the next few days. He’s not entirely sure what Seokjin meant, but ‘vulnerability’ keeps playing on repeat in his mind, as if someone had set it on a loop. It’s true: Jimin doesn’t want to feel vulnerable. He has no reason to believe that someone can take such a power and not use it. That would be foolish. His entire life, all his twenty-two years on this planet, every person he’s met has been proving to him over and over that people always abuse their power. Jimin has no cause to trust Yoongi, but he also has no cause not to trust him either. Yoongi has never hurt him once; he’s never neglected him, never tried to manipulate or put any pressure on Jimin. He was almost too kind, in fact, and that's why Jimin started this whole damn fight in the first place: because it was too good to be true. Yoongi seemed almost too perfect to exist.
But Jimin was wrong. He hurt Yoongi for no reason, and then spent a month pretending nothing happened. Jimin spent weeks deciphering Yoongi's evil plans instead of opening his eyes and realizing that he was the one worth protecting hyung from. And now Jimin is losing Yoongi because his fear and pride won't let him say a simple ‘I'm sorry’ to make things right.
***
Early June arrives. The weather is sunny and warm, the perfect time for picnics, walks, and evening hangouts—unless, of course, you're studying at Seoul University. As the final exams approach, Jimin is suddenly overwhelmed with so many projects, essays, tests, papers, and lab assignments that he can't even list them, let alone remember them. Yoongi is also swamped with schoolwork: he spends his days in studios, looking for lead singers for songs, and collaborating with a few classmates to turn in an important project. They barely see each other, and when they do, they're usually busy studying, eating, or sleeping. Something changes, driving them further apart, and Jimin truly panics, feeling like time is slipping through his fingers, along with his chances to fix everything. He ponders trust, vulnerability, and taking the first step, remembering Yoongi's actions, and weighs his options, each time leaning more and more toward the possibility of an apology.
It's not that scary: just saying ‘I'm sorry.’ He doesn't even have to feel like it. Jimin doesn't have to make a speech and give hyung a deep, full bow. He just has to say one word, and it doesn't even have to be about the fight itself. Jimin can say ‘I'm sorry I hurt you’ and not feel obligated to sacrifice his life to make it up to Yoongi, right? Or not.
Either way, here's the thing: Jimin can always run away. Even if his body is tied up, he can flee within himself. And if he is somehow pulled out of there, Jimin can get out of himself and never come back. He has a thousand and one escape options, and even when people think that he is cornered, Jimin knows how to flee not only from the outside world, but from himself as well. So nothing terrible will happen. He has a backup plan. Flight is what has never truly failed Jimin.
He convinces himself, and then chickens out, convinces himself again, and retreats at the last moment. If Yoongi weren't so tired and busy, he would notice every attempt, but studying, like quicksand, swallows them up, leaving neither time nor energy for anything else.
Somehow, this only makes Jimin miss Yoongi even more with each passing day.
He gathers his courage on Sunday. He and Yoongi are in their room working on assignments, while Namjoon occupies the kitchen table, studying Kant and comparing his philosophy to Nietzsche's, all while watching Friends in English. Jimin is calculating the percentage of the profits while hyung is humming a song softly in his headphones, trying to edit it on his laptop—and suddenly it just… hits Jimin. He feels the longing for Yoongi pounding into his chest, taking his breath away and making his lungs ache. He can feel that deep yearning in his very bones.
He doesn't make any decisions at this moment—his body simply moves without a second thought. Jimin puts his notes down, gets up, and walks over to Yoongi. He sits carefully on hyung's bed, wanting to pull his knees up to hide there, but instead he just chews on his bottom lip, not daring to start.
Yoongi glances at him briefly, pauses the music, and takes off his headphones, looking surprised.
"Jimin?" he asks softly, but it's still not ‘Minnie.’ It's never going to be ‘Minnie’ unless Jimin pulls himself together and apologizes.
He can do it.
Or not.
Jimin's tongue doesn't obey him. It feels like his mouth has been stitched shut, injected with an anesthetic. Jimin can't feel his tongue, his lips don't open, and the air gets stuck somewhere in his throat, like during a panic attack.
No.
No.
No.
No panic attacks. Panic breeds an attack. Jimin knows how it works: he must immediately distract himself and stop thinking about it. He needs to relax right now.
“Jiminnie?” Yoongi frowns, putting his laptop down and reaching out to take his hand. “Breathe, okay? It’s okay. Just breathe with me.”
Yoongi’s hands are warm and soft, his thumbs caressing Jimin’s wrists, sending waves of chills and relief through his body. Jimin breathes, trying to ease his constricting lungs, searching for his fingers, feeling for his lips again, and focusing on hyung’s soothing touch. It gets better after a while when he finally lets go. The chaos of his thoughts and the tension in his body melt away to Yoongi’s quiet, reassuring comfort.
“I’m sorry,” Jimin breathes out hoarsely, and belatedly realizes what he’s just done.
He tenses as fear grips him, but Jimin can't bring himself to regret what he said. There’s nothing scarier for him than feeling vulnerable, but it’s even worse knowing that sooner or later Yoongi will get tired of waiting and feeling sorry for him. One day, Yoongi will find someone better and walk away, leaving Jimin with his stupid pride, in his worthless life, alone.
“You have nothing to apologize for, Jiminnie,” Yoongi says in a soft tone, probably thinking that Jimin got embarrassed by his sudden wave of panic.
“No, I…” Jimin feels tears welling up in his eyes. “I’m sorry for starting the fight. For hurting you. For staying silent for so long, and I… I know I fucked up. I’m sorry.”
Yoongi lets out a quiet breath, and Jimin braces himself mentally, trying not to fall apart here and now, trying desperately to brace himself for what he's about to hear.
"Finally, we're making progress. Yeah, it was all your fault."
"I tried to be patient, but why did you even start that fight?"
"I thought you'd never admit it. Do you even realize how awful I've felt these past few weeks?"
Jimin closes his eyes, feeling hot tears roll down his cheeks, and he feels so desperate. He feels like he's betraying himself.
And then Yoongi squeezes his hand slightly and says, “I’m sorry too.”
Jimin opens his eyes wide.
His breath gets stuck in his throat. What?
“I…” Yoongi hesitates under his gaze, looking guilty, and the dark circles under his eyes add to his tired appearance, as if emphasizing the long weeks during which the fight has been weighing on them, making it hard to breathe freely. “I’m sorry I... I wanted to apologize first for so long, but you didn’t- It seemed to me that you weren’t ready to listen,” he frowns, lowering his gaze to their hands. ”And I kept putting it off, although I should’ve just been bolder and made the first move. I just… You kept distancing yourself so I figured you must still be angry with me,” Yoongi shakes his head slightly and looks up at him. ”Are you mad at me?”
Jimin is speechless. He just stares at Yoongi, his mouth open, unable to utter a sound because… How is it that Yoongi apologizes to him in return?
Is that… Is that even possible?
“What?” Jimin asks stupidly.
Jimin just gave Yoongi everything right now. Jimin gave him power: he literally handed hyung a damn katana with the engraving ‘humiliate and conquer’, and Yoongi in return… gave the same katana to Jimin?
It makes no sense. Jimin is a little confused by what's going on. He even stops crying from shock, staring at Yoongi with wide eyes and trying to process the unexpected plot twist in the long-learned scenarios in his head.
“Are you still mad at me?” Yoongi asks again. He sounds collected, unlike Jimin. Yoongi’s self-worth doesn’t depend on his answer right now, and it’s so weird—the way Yoongi manages to maintain his dignity and his usual calm while opening up to Jimin. “I… I know it's not visible now again, with exams and all, but I really thought about what you said and I've been trying to limit the music to pay more attention to you,” he says with all sincerity, like he doesn’t really get it. God. Yoongi still hasn’t realized that Jimin inadvertently set up the whole fight. “I didn’t want… Maybe I wasn't very successful as your partner, but I never wanted you to feel like I don’t care. I was so angry after the fight, but then… I think there were a lot of things I should’ve done differently,” Yoongi admits more quietly.
Jimin’s first instinct is to throw all the blame on Yoongi.
This is the perfect chance that no one has ever given him so generously, personally bringing it to him on a silver platter and handing it right into his hands. 'Here you go, do whatever you want.' There is no better way to free himself from the guilt and feel safe in this relationship again than to blame everything on Yoongi and pretend that Jimin had nothing to do with it. He was just walking by—and then, suddenly, Yoongi went out and pounced on him with the whole fight… But no. Jimin suppresses his panic urges with a strong will and sincere love for Yoongi. He won’t be able to live with this. Despite his cowardly nature, somewhere inside, at the very core, Jimin is an honest person. He always remembers that all the fucked-up things in his life aren’t just accidents, but the deserved consequences of the irreparable chronic shit he regularly does. He always remembers that every action comes with a cost, and this fight is no exception.
Deep down, he knows he deserves this. Jimin deserves the guilt and the shame. He deserves the way it’s hard to breathe and hand over that damn katana of truth to Yoongi, literally fearing for his life.
Jimin can flee, but he doesn’t. Not with Yoongi.
Yoongi deserves better.
“You’re not… It’s not your fault,” Jimin croaks, swallowing down the panicked urge to turn Yoongi’s apology against him. It’s just a defensive reaction, a stupid fear that he’ll be hurt again. “It’s me… I should be apologizing,” he says, feeling his breath catch in his throat, the stinging tears welling up in his eyes again. “I’m sorry I started a fight.”
Yoongi frowns, moving closer to him, and Jimin takes a deep breath, looking away from him somewhere up at the ceiling, trying to convince himself that everything is fucking okay. It’s okay, right?
“Minnie…” Yoongi says quietly, and this word sounds so familiar, long forgotten and achingly tender from how many strong emotions it awakens in Jimin. He missed that nickname so damn much. He’s so… God, Jimin has missed Yoongi so desperately all these weeks.
Jimin doesn’t think; he just moves. Something in his mind suddenly shifts—clicking into place, clearing out all thoughts, silencing any sense of reason, and releasing the tension holding him back. He crawls closer, settling onto Yoongi’s lap, and presses himself tightly against hyung. The only thing Jimin fears when he finds himself in this position is that Yoongi will push him away.
But Yoongi hugs him back. He strokes his back soothingly with warm palms, breathes warmly into his neck, lightly touching the skin with his lips, and Jimin inhales the air as greedily as if he had just emerged from the water, starting to cry silently and clinging to Yoongi's T-shirt with his fingers.
I'm so sorry, he wants to say. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have done this.
I'm so scared.
Please, I don't want to lose you.
"It's okay, Minnie," Yoongi whispers to him, the same as he always does, caressing his shoulders. "It's okay."
How many times has this already happened? Jimin feels like an explosive mechanism that constantly cries, fucks up, makes a mess, and cries again, continuing to hurt himself and everyone around. And, despite this, Yoongi continues to love him: continues to look at Jimin as if he’s the most beautiful person in the world, soothe him, make him hot chocolate with marshmallows, and hug him at night, kissing his hair and wishing him good night. Yoongi never confronts him about his lies, even though Jimin continues to lie, and hyung has never once tried to manipulate or humiliate him—not even now. Yoongi continues to take care of him with such simple, but meaningful things. Jimin can’t wrap his head around it. He's so grateful, but he can't understand—and that makes him fear that all of Yoongi's love might one day just disappear, leaving as mysterious and easy as it came.
"I was wrong," Jimin sniffles, still not letting go of Yoongi, because it's easier to admit his mistakes by avoiding looking hyung in the face. “I just... I was scared. I wanted to- Just- I was curious, what are you... what are you going to do,” Jimin picks his words with caution, knowing he can never admit the truth. He won't admit that Yoongi seemed too kind, too considerate, too perfect to be real. "I shouldn't have been, I'm sorry I... I ruined everything," Jimin sobs, feeling the guilt in his chest lift, as if the tears and the warmth of Yoongi's body could truly dissolve it. “I'm sorry I hurt you.”
"It's okay, Minny," Yoongi says quietly, leaning his cheek against his hair. "I don't... For me, the fight wasn’t such a big deal," he confesses. “We said the wrong things in the heat, both made mistakes—who hasn't? I was rather... I was confused by what happened later," he admits.
Jimin leans back a little, turning to face Yoongi. He probably looks like a mess: tear-streaked face, red nose, and swollen eyes… Yoongi could have looked at him with pity or disgust, but instead, hyung’s gaze is full of warmth.
"I'm sorry," Jimin apologizes again. He’s surprised at how easy it is to say those words, without fear of being blamed. It’s so much easier to seek forgiveness when the other person isn’t trying to elevate themselves at his cost. It turns out to be so simple. Even nice. Jimin feels like he wants to apologize again and again because he’s so guilty towards Yoongi. And these ‘sorry’ seem to mend their wounds, seeping into the cracks like a healing balm, soothing the pain. "I'm sorry," he repeats again. Exhales, "I'm sorry."
“It’s okay,” Yoongi touches his cheek with his fingers, wiping away the tears. “I forgave you a long time ago, Minnie. And you… Are you still angry with me?” he asks with some kind of anxiety, as if Jimin has any right to be angry here.
It’s so absurd that it’s even funny. Jimin exhales quiet chuckles and sobs, pressing his forehead to Yoongi’s and tears begin to flow down his cheeks again, as if Jimin is some kind of leaky faucet that seems to have been turned off, but the water is still flowing.
“There’s nothing to forgive you for,” Jimin says in a hoarse voice, so quietly that Yoongi probably only hears it due to their closeness. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me… It’s all my fault,” he admits, feeling bitterness from these words and at the same time a strange satisfaction. He's glad he was able to confess, and he's so grateful that Yoongi’s hug is always a safe place for all kinds of confessions.
“It’s very heroic of you,” Yoongi says softly, stroking his lower back with the thumb of his right hand and returning his other hand to Jimin’s back, warming it through the fabric, “to take all the blame on yourself. But in this relationship, there are two of us, Minnie: you and me. And we share the responsibility for it equally.”
Yoongi’s warm breath settles on Jimin’s lips, and he doesn’t even quite catch what hyung is saying. It sounds like a fairy tale. Some ephemeral happy place with perfect, kind people like Yoongi. This is probably the place where they kick and stick people like Jimin out.
“I need to understand,” Yoongi frowns, pulling away slightly, and Jimin straightens up in disappointment, noticing the numbness starting to creep into his legs. “If you weren’t angry, then what? I was… I tried to talk to you so many times, but you just… you never let me,” Yoongi states the obvious, looking genuinely confused.
“Hyung,” Jimin sighs in disbelief. What kind of anger can they even talk about when Jimin literally stormed Yoongi with hugs, kisses, and touches? “How could I be angry at you if I literally slept in your bed at night? I had tried to have sex with you at least a hundred times during this time,” he blushes a little, but the shame feels muffled by Yoongi’s attentive gaze, the calm way he listens, and the comforting warmth of his hands resting gently on Jimin's lower back, grounding him. “I was so tactile, how could you even... come to such an idea?”
What nonsense. It's not like Jimin ever had many reasons to be angry at his partners, because usually he’s the one who fucks up. But even—hypothetically—if Jimin was really mad, he definitely wouldn't be trying to sleep with the very culprit of his anger. Unless it was to get revenge... But that's another story.
“You’re a very tactile person,” Yoongi answers calmly. “I thought… Maybe this is okay with you? I mean… You know that sex doesn’t solve anything,” he shrugs slightly, as if there’s nothing more obvious in this world, and Jimin is so indignant at this moment and so madly in love with him. Yoongi is really perfect, isn’t he? Jimin isn’t that crazy with love? “I’m sorry I stopped your attempts: it’s not to make you feel bad, I just… I don’t usually touch,” Yoongi explains in a concise manner. “It’s very personal for me, and it's really founded on mutual trust.”
Jimin feels even more guilty than before.
“I’m sorry,” he breathes out sincerely, remembering how long he stormed Yoongi's line without a second thought for his feelings. “I should’ve… I should’ve taken that into account.” Jimin doesn’t lie like he didn’t know about it, because Yoongi’s reluctance to touch him was clear as day. Jimin is good at reading emotions. He knew that his persistent attempts at ‘reconciliation’ made Yoongi uncomfortable, he just… didn’t consider it important? Jimin wanted to erase the line, and he went towards this goal relentlessly, like an unstoppable tank. He was never taught to respect other people’s feelings. Honestly, he never learned how to communicate with people in a healthy way at all.
“I’m sorry,” Jimin breathes out, not knowing what else to say. He feels a flash of panic for a moment, because the words aren’t enough to atone for his guilt—and the feeling of helplessness pulls him back to the past, to those terrible times when it felt like Jimin’s entire life wouldn’t be enough for the people he didn’t want to lose to forgive him.
“It’s okay,” Yoongi repeats again, and his words don’t sound like empty conviction. He sounds genuine. “I would’ve told you if it bothered me. I just… Things that were too intimate for me… kissing and sex,” Yoongi frowns slightly, unconsciously moving his hands from the small of Jimin’s back to his hips. Nice. “I limited them, but I just wanted to say that it’s not to… make you feel bad or hurt you,” Yoongi emphasizes.
Jimin loves him so much. Right now. He can feel it blossoming inside him, growing bigger, warming his chest, and making his eyes water. Yoongi always takes care of him. Just like that. Without any benefit. Never asking for anything in return. He actually let Jimin hug him, sleep in his bed, and talk about trivial things, like nothing happened. He never made Jimin feel neglected or unwanted, never pushed him away or said anything rude, Yoongi is just… Too perfect. And Jimin—for some reason—feels like this realization aches inside him.
“Minnie?” Yoongi peers into his face, worried. “Did I say something- What is it?” He apparently can’t find a reason for such a strong reaction.
Jimin feels like he wants to cry over Yoongi’s very existence in his life, like a hungry beggar would cry if someone brought them fresh and warm rice.
These are good tears, and they're bad tears. These are tears because Jimin has never had anyone like this in his entire life. And tears because such an amazing person is finally here with him.
“May I kiss you?” Jimin asks hoarsely.
It's a bad idea, because Jimin is still tear-stained and swollen, and red, and tired, and Namjoon is still there in the kitchen, reading his Nietzsche, but Yoongi doesn't look like he's bothered by such trivialities at all.
"You must do this," Yoongi smiles. "I've missed you too fucking much."
Jimin gives a soft, wet chuckle and leans in, pressing his lips to Yoongi's.
It feels like the world is finding its place. The universe stops floating in zero gravity, trying to avoid a meteorite collision, and all of Jimin’s scattered thoughts, his inner chaos and panicked emotions, stabilize. Everything feels like… it’s coming back to normal. It feels right.
Jimin in Yoongi’s arms. The kiss. The roughness of Yoongi’s chapped lips on his. The weight of Yoongi’s palms on his hips, warming him through the fabric of his sweatpants. Their shared room. Even Namjoon, sitting in the kitchen. Everything feels… exactly as it should be.
Jimin feels where he belongs.
“I love you,” Yoongi gently presses the tips of his noses together, ignoring the fact that Jimin’s nose is wet. He looks far more relaxed compared to when their conversation started, even if their legs are already numb from sitting in the same position for so long.
Jimin breathes out in relief, feeling how long he’s been depriving himself of this. How long, damn it, he’d been chasing his own tail, screaming, crying in the bathroom, and suffering, when he could’ve just sat and talked to Yoongi. Jimin thinks he’s an idiot.
But a happy idiot.
“I love you too,” Jimin breathes, feeling like he’s never been more honest in his life saying those words. “Are we… Are we okay?” he asks, wondering if Yoongi might say that, despite everything, Jimin still needs to sell himself into slavery for a hundred days or write a long essay explaining all his fuckups and signing off with endless ‘I’m sorry.’
He knows Yoongi won’t do that—but.
What if?
“We're gonna talk about how I can give you more of the attention you want, but other than that, yeah,” Yoongi smiles, kissing the tip of his nose and making him blush. “We're okay.”
“Okay,” Jimin breathes out, lowering his head onto hyung’s shoulder and feeling like a heavy weight has been lifted from his shoulders: it’s as if somebody has removed a huge stone block right from his chest, and now Jimin is light and airy, like a feather.
So damn happy.
“Okay,” Yoongi chuckles, kissing his hair and sighing.
They will be okay.