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Edelgard sat in front of the TV and booted up the new Mario Party. She crossed her legs and placed the controller in her lap. Had Hubert been here, he would have chastised her for sitting on the ground— but playing games with Dimitri didn’t feel right unless they were on the ground. It was what they’d done as kids, and it was what they’d do as adults.
Dimitri walked over and slouched down next to her.
"Edelgard,” he asked, “Isn't it a bit unfair to practice before Claude arrives?"
Edelgard gave him a foul glance. "Dimitri. I have seen Claude play. You have seen Claude play. If we want to stand any chance against him, we have to practice."
"You're taking this awfully seriously," said Dimitri. "It's just a game of Mario Party."
"Just a game?” Edelgard scowled. She picked Rosalina for herself, then Wario and Waluigi for the computer characters. “Just a game? Don't you remember what happened last time we played?"
"Not particularly, no." Dimitri scratched the back of his neck. He chose Luigi. "I seem to have blocked it out."
Edelgard scoffed. "You went into a rage and threatened to hang my head from the gates of Enbarr!"
Dimitri’s face went pale. "I did? My deepest apologies. I know I can be rather competitive, but that is unacceptable behavior on my part."
"Apology accepted…” Edelgard said, grumbling under her breath. “Now which minigame should we start with?”
“Not sure,” Dimitri said. “Just go with the first one.”
Edelgard selected the first minigame— “Lumber Tumble”. Don’t fall off the bridge, the description said. Navigate the twisting path while avoiding the logs! Simple enough, she supposed. The two watched the tutorial video.
Dimitri’s phone buzzed. He paused the video and checked it. “Claude just texted. What flavor sauce do you want on your wings?”
Edelgard turned her head towards him. “What are the options?
“Let me ask.” Dimitri opened up the keyboard. His rather-large thumbs kept hitting the wrong letters, leading him to go back and rewrite his entire message. Edelgard had gotten many a text reading “I’ll be hoe song” or “We mead milk”.
Dimitri sent the text. A bubble popped up, signaling that Claude was in the process of texting back. Dimitri and Edelgard waited, and waited, and waited. Just as they were about to unpause, Dimitri’s phone buzzed once more.
“Oh goddess.” Dimitri held his phone out to Edelgard. “He sent the entire list.”
Edelgard’s eyes narrowed. Sure enough, a wall of flavors filled the screen. She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting. “Lots of those sound good. I’d personally like mild or lemon pepper, but he can choose whatever he wants.”
Dimitri sent another text. Edelgard guessed it was something along the lines of “She wants mold or lemon prepper.” Claude would know what he meant… hopefully.
“Shall we start?” Dimitri asked, setting down his phone.
“Might as well.” Edelgard pressed play, and the minigame began. “Though should we turn the volume down so we can hear the door? I know Claude won’t be here for a bit, but I would rather not get too invested in this and forget.”
"It's alright," said Dimitri. "I gave Claude one of our spare keys. He'll let himself in."
Edelgard's finger slipped, causing Rosalina to veer off the platform and fall. She grunted. "You gave him a key to our apartment?"
"Of course,” Dimitri said. “He comes over so often he might as well live here."
Edelgard rasied an eyebrow. "Then how come I wasn't allowed to give Hubert a key?"
Dimitri spared a small glance at Edelgard, but this proved to be a mistake— Luigi was hit by a swinging log and fell into the abyss. Waluigi won. "Every time I see the man he looks as if he's plotting to murder me. Can you blame me there?"
"Yes!" Edelgard snapped. She pressed the play button again. Second time’s the charm. "That's just his resting face! It's not his fault he looks like a vampire."
"He could at least try to wear some color."
Edelgard rolled her eyes. "Right. Let me go tell him to start exclusively wearing bubblegum pink, or maybe purple and green like Barney the Dinosaur."
Luigi was once again hit by a log. The corner of Dimitri’s mouth twitched. “That’s a horrifying mental image.”
Rosalina also was hit by a log this time, leaving Waluigi once again victorious. Perhaps she shouldn’t have chosen him— he was, after all, Claude’s character of choice.
“This is much harder than it looked,” said Dimitri. “Did you choose the highest difficulty?”
“Since we’re going up against Claude, yes.” Edelgard restarted the minigame for the third time. The this soon turned into the fourth time, then the fifth, and so on. After seven tries, Edelgard slammed her controller into her lap.
“Dimitri!” Edelgard snapped. “Stop distracting me!”
“What do you mean I’m distracting you? I’m not doing anything!”
“Your mouth kept doing the thing,” Edelgard said. “You know, the twitchy thing it does when you get all ticked off.”
“Well I didn’t mean to distract you then,” Dimitri sneered. “Don’t get on my case for things I can’t control!”
“You can so control it! Weren’t you the one saying it’s just a game of Mario Party earlier? Maybe you should calm down.”
“I am calm,” said Dimitri, visibly not calm.
“Then act like it.”
Dimitri mumbled a few curses, just loud enough for Edelgard to hear. “Whatever you say, bossypants.”
“That’s it,” said Edelgard. She shot to her feet. It was time to settle things the old-fashioned way. “I’m getting my lightsaber.”
Dimitri’s mouth curled into a devious grin. “Not if I get mine first!”
Claude squeezed a two-liter of coke under his armpit, then fished his keys out of his pocket with his now-free hand. He snickered, thinking of his genius plan to trick Edelgard into eating a ridiculously spicy wing. Well, spicy to her, that is. Almyrans could handle much more spice than the Fodlani. He put the keys in the lock and twisted, granting himself entry.
“Alright,” he said, holding the bag high, “Wings are here! I got spicy garlic for me, blue cheese dip for Dimitri, and mild for… Edelgard?”
Before him, Edelgard stood over Dimitri, pointing a red plastic lightsaber in his face. Dimitri’s blue one laid beside him. The two stared at him with wide eyes.
“Oh,” said Dimitri. “Hello, Claude.”
Claude burst into laughter.