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"Soobin hyung, you okay?"
Soobin's eyes snapped open, the gentle voice of his bandmate Taehyun cutting through the thick fog of his thoughts. He looked around the cramped dressing room, heart racing, chest tight. The rest of the TXT members were busy with their own routines, oblivious to the silent battle Soobin was fighting. He nodded, forcing a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine."
But he wasn't fine. His breaths grew shallower, and the walls felt like they were closing in. He'd forgotten his pills again, those little lifebuckets that kept his panic at bay. The dressing room was a flurry of activity, the air thick with the scent of hairspray and the faint buzz of adrenaline. He needed to get out. Now.
Soobin stumbled to his feet, knocking over his chair in his haste. The sudden noise drew the attention of the others, who stopped in their tracks and stared at him, concern etched into their faces. He gulped, trying to calm the storm in his chest. "I just... need some air." Without waiting for a response, he pushed past them, ignoring their calls of concern.
Once outside, Soobin leaned against the cold, concrete wall of the hallway, gasping for breath. The coolness didn't help. His vision swam with spots, and his knees threatened to give way. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he flinched, spinning around to find Yeonjun's calm gaze. "You forgot your pills, didn't you?" he said softly. Soobin nodded, tears threatening to spill over.
The rest of the members trickled out of the dressing room, gathering around him in a protective circle. Hueningkai handed him a bottle of water, and Beomgyu offered a gentle pat on the back. "It's okay, Soobin hyung," he murmured in unison. But it wasn't okay. The panic was a monster, a creature with claws digging into his soul, and he felt so exposed, so vulnerable.
The tears fell then, hot and fast, and Soobin buried his face in his hands, his shoulders heaving with the weight of his fear and anxiety. The members exchanged glances, each one feeling a pang of helplessness. They had all seen this before, but knowing what was happening didn't make it any easier to watch.
Taehyun stepped forward, gently taking the water bottle from Hueningkai and placing it into Soobin's trembling hands. "Here, hyung," he whispered, "Take a sip." Soobin's eyes met Taehyun's, and he could see the genuine care in them. He took a tentative sip, the cool liquid sliding down his dry throat, offering a semblance of relief.
"What can we do?" Yeonjun asked, his voice a low rumble of concern. "We're all here for you." Soobin took a deep, shaky breath and leaned back against the wall, feeling the roughness of the concrete through his thin shirt. He knew they meant well, but sometimes, their care made him feel like a fragile porcelain doll, likely to shatter at the slightest touch.
"I just need a moment," Soobin managed to croak out, his voice thick with unshed emotion. The others nodded solemnly, giving him the space he needed. They knew better than to overwhelm him during these moments. So they waited, a silent guard against the chaos of the world outside their little circle, each one offering silent support in their own way.
As the seconds ticked by, Soobin's breathing began to even out. The tightness in his chest eased, and the spots in his vision receded. He wiped at his face with the back of his hand, embarrassed by his display. But when he looked up, all he saw was understanding and patience in his bandmates' eyes. They didn't judge him; they just wanted him to be okay.
Suddenly, a warm arm slipped around his shoulders, and Soobin looked up to see Beomgyu, his eyes filled with gentle reassurance. "We're with you," Beomgyu whispered, squeezing his shoulder gently. The simple words were like a balm to Soobin's frazzled nerves. He nodded, feeling the last vestiges of his panic attack dissipate.
Together, they made their way back to the dressing room, Soobin leaning on Beomgyu slightly. They had a performance to prep for, but in that moment, the most important thing was making sure their leader was okay. They were a team, a family, and they would face whatever came next as one. And Soobin knew, with his members by his side, he could tackle anything.
Once back inside, Soobin took a deep, steadying breath. "I'm sorry," he said, voice still shaky. "I just... I forgot." The room grew quiet, and the members exchanged knowing looks. They had all been there, forgotten something important, felt the world close in. They didn't blame him; they just wanted to help.
"It's okay," Hueningkai said, a comforting smile on his lips. "It happens to all of us." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, unmarked pill bottle. "Here, I always keep a few extras. Just in case." Soobin took the bottle gratefully, his hands still trembling as he popped the cap and took the pill. The relief was almost immediate, a warmth spreading through his chest like a comforting blanket.
The tension in the room eased, and the members began to resume their preparations, the quiet hum of conversation returning. Soobin took a seat on the couch, his head in his hands, feeling the weight of his bandmates' gazes. He knew they were worried, and he hated that he had to deal with this, hated that it affected them too. But they were his strength, and their understanding was all he needed.
Taehyun sat down next to him, placing a hand on his knee. "Soobin hyung, we're here for you," he said, his voice firm yet gentle. "You don't have to go through this alone." Soobin nodded, a small smile forming despite the residual fear. He knew he could rely on them, that they had his back. And with that knowledge, he felt a newfound determination to face the day, to step out on that stage and give the fans the performance they deserved.
The makeup artist and stylist entered, and the room's energy shifted as the members fell into their pre-show routines. Soobin took another deep breath and allowed himself to be swept up in the whirlwind. He focused on the task at hand, letting the panic attack become a distant memory. The pounding of his heart grew steady again, and the tightness in his chest loosened. He was going to be okay.
As the clock ticked down to showtime, Soobin felt a warmth spread through him, not just from the medication, but from the camaraderie of his bandmates. They had seen his weakness and instead of shying away, they had embraced him. He knew that he could face the storm with them by his side, that together, they could weather any tempest. And as they lined up backstage, ready to face the thousands of screaming fans, Soobin took one last deep breath and whispered, "Thank you."
The lights went on, the music started, and TXT strutted out onto the stage, a united front. Soobin felt the adrenaline kick in, and for a moment, everything was perfect. He looked into the sea of faces, the lights blurring them into a single entity, and he began to sing. His voice soared, and with every note, he felt a little more in control, a little more himself. The panic was gone, replaced by a fierce determination to conquer the night.
The performance was a blur of lights, color, and sound, but Soobin never missed a beat. His bandmates danced around him, their movements precise and powerful, and he knew he was exactly where he belonged. The love from the fans washed over him like a wave, lifting him up, carrying him through the storm. And when the final chord rang out, and the applause grew deafening, Soobin couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, he could get through this. With TXT, he could conquer his fears, one panic attack at a time.