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If there is one thing that everyone knows about James Fleamont Potter, then that he is in love with Lily Evans. Everyone includes his friends, acquaintances, teachers and parents. You don't even need to have met him yourself. James’ love for Lily is very hard to miss. He has confessed his love to her countless times, many of them horrendously public and embarrassing for everyone involved.
James fell for Lily the first time he met her. She was the prettiest girl he had ever seen. Soon enough he learnt that she is smart, self assured and would never let him inconvenience others through showcases of his love or another, in her words unnecessary, prank. All of this only worked to nurture James' crush to a several years strong love.
His friends often joke that James gets off on mean words and rejection, because the other part of this story that everyone knows is that Lily Evans does not reciprocate James Potters feeling. She has very harshly and publicly rejected him exactly the same amount of times as he has proposed himself to her.
What most people don't know is that James is also in love with his best friends brother. It is a much quieter kind of love, that started out as interest and concern about Sirius' little brother.
Most people assume that the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black is a difficult place to grow up in and that Sirius is not the favourite son. James knows a lot of the more horrific details of that story and he also knows that Regulus still lives in the very same house Sirius recently left behind.
The Black brothers are not in close contact, but every now and then they search for eachother's company. They watch eachother's Quidditch practices, wait infront of common rooms, pull eachother into empty corridors or sit at each others tables in the great hall.
Regulus and James had their first real conversation with each other during one of these shared meals and afterwards James’ interest in the youngest Black changed. It intensified. He channeled it through chatting to Regulus whenever he saw him. At first Regulus was irritated by it and actively tried to get James to stop but after a couple of weeks he gave up and just let it happen. Just a short while later James realized that he had fallen in love with Regulus Arcturus Black.
James is so very confused. He has been in love with Lily for years now. James has spent years of his life feeling as if every fiber of his being only exists to love Lily in all of the ways that she deserves, which are all possible ones. Like his arms are useless, if not for holding her. His voice is needless, if he isn't telling her about her beauty or his appreciation of her. He was yearning for years to a point that is painful. Yet he still could never think of anything other than loving Lily.
But surprisingly now there is also Regulus. James is very sure that he loves Regulus from the bottom of his hopelessly romantic heart. And his love for either of them is about as unhealthy as the other.
The problem is that with Lily he can follow his heart, he can serenade her and compliment her however much he wants. She might tell him off, be annoyed or even perform minor hexes on him, but she never permanently stops him from doing it again.
James knows however that this tactic would never work on Regulus, granted it does not exactly work on Lily either it just soothes his aching heart. Regulus would cuss him out, maybe even physically hurt him and then never let him speak in his presence ever again. He is not someone who even under more favorable circumstances would have even been neutral on public love declarations. In this specific situation however even quietly talking to Regulus in public is risky enough.
At first he tried to overcompensate on the Lily front. Ignoring his feelings for Regulus didn’t work out well for him. He just kept thinking about Regulus, every single moment of his day. The only times he didn't were when he was thinking about Lily, so when he caught a thought about Regulus he instead searched for one about Lily. It worked a couple of times, but then James realized he could barely look at Lily without thinking of Regulus.
Instead of trying to solve his problem on his own he ended up doing what any sane person in his situation would do: he talked to Remus. His best friend, who's bisexual, in a relationship, very clever and not the brother of his crush. Remus immediately told James that his problem was definitely not just bisexuality. Not that James actually thought so but he needed to check anyway. The conversation got more tricky afterwards.
The part from their conversation that ended up sticking in James' brain the most was: "Prongs. It's fine. It's okay. You are in love with two people, so what? As long as you don't lie to them about it you are doing nothing wrong. It's just how it is." Remus had followed it up by telling him that it was a valid choice on Lily’s or Regulus' part if they decided it wouldn't work for them. But that is a problem for future James, so present James tries not to dwell on it too much.
Lily knows that James loves her. How could she not, the guy has been all over her for years. Barely anyone has ever questioned her on how she feels about him or why she doesn't give him a chance. They've seen her reject him, they know that he's a prat, a prankster and a bully. She has never really liked James. Since first year he has been pestering her, pulling stupid, disruptive pranks and bullied her best friend.
Lily and Severus grew up together. When they got to Hogwarts they were closer than close. Lily never cared about anyone as much as him at that time, but being sorted into different houses strained their relationship. Not only were they now often physically on different sides of the castle, the sides also exist in mental and verbal space and no houses are as clearly on different sides as Gryffindor and Slytherin, where Lily and Severus were sorted.
Both of them grew to be part of their house. Lily got accepted for whoever she wanted to be and Severus got caught up in the teachings of blood purity. She always thought it was weird he ended up there as his father is a muggle himself. It didn't matter though Severus slowly slipped away from her.
It took several years for his new believes to actually seep into their friendship, but it was obvious that they would eventually. Later Lily got asked so many times why she hadn't ended it before it all blew up at them. Honestly, she'd just turned a blind eye and hoped that everyone was imagining it. That she was the only one who knew the true Severus.
In the end she stayed corrected. Severus has become someone unrecognizable and James can hide his general dislike for him behind the ideological war between wizards. Well at this point it is not purely ideological anymore. It's a real life war that has already killed too many. It is strange living in a war but being so far removed from it that you can still have teenage drama. Like the annoying guy who has a crush on you and your best friend growing up into someone you don't like anymore.
It took a while for Regulus to notice what is happening. Of course the first part he noticed was the shift in James' behavior. When before he would maybe nod at him when they were walking through the same corridor he now stops and makes Regulus have a conversation with him.
For the most part Regulus is to busy with his normal life to think about what James' behavior could mean. The closest he gets is questioning whether Sirius sent him or if he is doing this out of his own motivation. Either way Regulus would prefer to be on his own thank you very much.
At this point in life he is used to dealing with things on his own. He has friends, but none that he really fully trusts and his family is a Hellscape. Half of them were crazy from birth and the other half went crazy from having to deal with them. Sirius and Regulus both perceive themselves to be in the latter category, but so does everyone else.
The problem is just that they dealt with the crazy people in very different ways. Sirius has always been overt in his dislike for his parents. He fought with them at every occasion and then he ran away. First he ran to Gryffindor and later to James’ home. In both cases he also somewhat ran away from Regulus.
Regulus was never brave enough to get away. Instead he built a wall around himself and put many layers of acting the part people wanted him to be on top. Not even Sirius, his best friend from childhood, can see through all of it. Sirius has tried, but Regulus sometimes loses track of what is real and what is fake himself. The only thing he is able to keep close and show to his brother is the need for a connection between the two of them.
They regularly manage to talk with one another, but every single time it ends in a fight. Sirius left Regulus behind and Regulus acts like the people Sirius has hated his entire life. It is a miracle James is able to make small talk with Regulus while the brothers are minutes away from a loud, french screaming match where they say the things they've already told each other over and over again. But somehow he does.
James isn't acting particularly subtle. Once Regulus has jokingly entertained the thought that James acts like someone freshly in love he can't unsee it and it doesn't take too long for him to be sure of the gryffindor's feelings.
Now that Regulus has figured out why James' eyes follow him everywhere and why he is fumbling and tripping over his words when talking to him, he considers him as a potential partner. He catches himself looking over to James in the Great Hall and thinking about what he would be like as a lover several times.
While these thoughts are born from curiosity rather than desire, the answers he comes up with are mostly pleasant. Sure James is loud, annoying and obnoxious but he would be the most dedicated, loving boyfriend anyone has ever seen. The way he acts about Lily indicates as much.
Speaking of Lily, Regulus is very confused about the current stated of James' feelings towards her. Lily is the only reason Regulus sometimes doubts his conclusion on James, who is still running around telling anyone in his vicinity about how awesome Lily is. He has even done so to Regulus a couple of times. And he shows no signs of being less sincere about her than over the last couple of years. If anything he has gotten more intense.
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Regulus is at a Gryffindor party. He doesn't know why the party is happening and he doesn't fully know how he ended up here. Maybe it was James doing or Sirius's guilty conscience, but Regulus got an invite. Why he actually came is a question that seems even less answerable than the rest. Now he is standing in the overcrowded, bright red Gryffindor common room and drowns one drink after the other.
ABBA is playing and while Regulus would never admit it while sober, when he is drunk they are his favourite band. Usually he doesn't get a chance to drunk dance to ABBA. The Slytherins either don't know or don't like muggle music, the other houses don't invite many Slytherins to their parties and when they do it's not Regulus or the people he tends to spend time with. Right now he has already drunken enough to forget that even though he isn't surrounded by Slytherin purebloods, he is visible to his brother and his brother's friends. So instead of thinking about any of that he starts dancing.
Regulus loves dancing. He feels free of thought and expectations. Free of feelings. No worrying about his parents, his brother or James' stupidly attractive smile. He lets go and becomes one with the music. It’s incredible. The only breaks he takes are to drink more and even that he isn't doing too often. No talking to others, because if he was to stop dancing for too long he would probably start thinking again and a simple conversation is not worth risking that. He can feel the beats of the songs in his bloodstream and most of the people at this party are pretentious lions anyways. He just keeps on dancing.
James doesn't think he has ever seen something as beautiful as a dancing Regulus. Regulus is always the most handsome person in any room he is in, but right now he is mesmerizing, James can not tear his eyes from him. Even though he has never seen him like this before it seems like dancing is Regulus' natural state of being. If James is really honest it's the first time he has looked at Regulus and thought he looked happy or even content.
After a while of watching James decides to go into the dancing crowd himself. He tells himself that he just wants to dance, but he's never actually been that big of a fan of the activity. Much more likely is that he wants to get close to the most beautiful man in the whole world. The dance floor is not particularly big, it doesn't take long for Regulus and James to accidentally be directly next to each other.
James is a man on a mission. The mission is to make this boy fall in love with him. He will do anything in his power to make it happen. Everything Regulus will allow him to do that is. Unfortunately for James, Regulus has made a decision to not let his dreams get the better of him. He promised himself to not get lost, to stay realistic. The problem is that James is dreamy, unrealistic and wants to dance with him. Against his better judgment Regulus lets him.
They dance together for almost one entire song until Regulus remembers what is happening and halts in the middle of everything. James notices and stops as well. Now they are two unmovable boys in the middle of a dancing crowd, staring into each other's eyes and wondering. Regulus wonders how to tell James to leave him alone, without hurting either of them too much. James wonders what Regulus is about to do and why he had stopped dancing in the first place. They can not shake the ban that they are in, everything except for the other fading into the background.
Regulus is smaller than James, he has to look up to properly look at him. He is flushed and sweaty from all the dancing. It takes all of James’ self control to not free the dark curls that are sticking to his forehead. Suddenly Regulus’ face gets close, he is standing on his tiptoes now. His mouth moves next to James' ear and when he starts speaking it's French and more breath than voice.
"Gentil garçon, tu es magnifique ce soir (Sweet boy, you look so gorgeous tonight). Je sais que tu m'aimes bien, mais ça ne marchera jamais. (I know that you like me, but this will never work.)" Regulus moves away slightly and almost instinctively looks over to Sirius, who is standing next to the dancing crowd and is currently laughing way too hard about something Remus must have said.
James follows his gaze, when he turns back Regulus has disappeared into the dancing crowd again. James does not have a single clue what Regulus just said to him. Even though most of the French he hears is Sirius cursing or the brothers fighting with each other, he has to admit right now that it is a damn attractive language. Especially if Regulus is the one speaking it. Before James can try and find a Slytherin in a crowd of Gryffindors Pete shows up next to him. He is carrying two glasses of something, hands him one of them and starts a conversation about something James can't concentrate on. His mind is still with the handsome, dark haired dancer.
Regulus continues dancing for hours. The music changes and so do the people dancing around him. But he doesn't care about any of it. The Gryffindors have good music taste and he is going to make the best of this party, even if it means ignoring his heart and mind at the same time. He will mindlessly dance until he can't do it anymore. He feels hot, sticky and very pleasantly drunk, but he is now slowly getting to the point where he is losing his balance, which is quite bad for dancing.
Somehow he winds up sitting on one of the many sofas. The Gryffindor common room is filled with these red sofas and armchairs, that are so soft that when you sit down you sink down way more than expected. Regulus imagines this to be the closest he will ever get to being hugged by an inanimate object.
He is not the only one sitting in this, slightly quieter, corner of the room. There are several people around him, most of them are chatting to one another. He did not plan it but he is sharing his sofa with Lily, who is not currently speaking with anyone.
Instead of trying to make contact with each other they both look around, at their hands, the people talking at the sofa next to them, all of the dancing people and James. James is standing between his friends, who are enthusiastically talking to each other. They have not noticed that half of his heart and brain are still with Regulus and Lily, who are sitting together now.
"James is looking over here."
"Now the question is which of us is he looking at?"
"Maybe both of us. Maybe he's trying to figure out what we could be talking about."
Silence follows. Neither of them know what they could be talking about either. Regulus for his part keeps looking at James, who has finally stopped looking over and is talking to a bunch of people simultaneously. Regulus recognises some of James’ closest friends but most of them he couldn't name if he tried sober. Instead of making himself remember who exactly they are he keeps looking at James. He looks great. He must have put effort into today's party outfit, it was absolutely worth it. His hair is wild as always and no amount of sweat and flush from the party, dancing and alcohol could ever distract from his charming smile. James is the light that all of the moths are flying to, everyone seems to want to talk to him. Regulus feels a bit like a moth right now.
"He's dreamy, charismatic, sporty, nice, .... handsome, always willing to help. No matter the bad shit going on in your life he's gonna try his best to help you get out of it." In the end Regulus is the one breaking the silence. His words are quiet and slightly slurred.
"I don't need him to help me." Lily's words, even this late into the night, are sharp and self assured.
Regulus empties his drink "Well, maybe I do." and keeps staring at James with sad eyes.
"And I think you're drunk." After that they are both quiet for a bit again.
Regulus is the one to speak first this time as well. "It could never work. There's a war going on. Whether we like it or not we will be firmly on opposite sides of it." He just realized that he's never been able to tell anyone these things and in his current state Lily is as good as anyone to be telling it to. She stays quiet so he continues "I would love to be with him but the circumstances will never be in our favor."
"You could always follow in your brother's path and switch sides."
"No I couldn't." The answer comes fast and the words are much clearer than anything Regulus has said to Lily so far. The words are intriguing and Lily is this close to asking him why he can't, if he even wants to do it. But that doesn't seem like a conversation to have drunk, with a near stranger and in the middle of a partying crowd. So instead she decides to continue on the easier, safer route and continues talking about James.
"I don't understand what you see in him. He's really quite annoying." Lily is unsure of whether she is trying to cheer up Sirius's brother or just genuinely engaging in a conversation. She's too tired to think about it. She stayed up late last night to study and then tonight her friends insisted that she'd come here with them. They handed her a butterbeer, which did not help with the sleepiness, and ended up leaving her on the sofa in the corner after she declined the offer to walk around or go dancing. Don't get her wrong, Lily loves a good party as much as her housemates but she definitely doesn't need them to be as frequent as some of the others. There are also always days where you are just not up for a party and today is one of those for her.
Before Regulus showed up she was trying to estimate how long she would have to stay to be polite. She had almost gotten to the conclusion of no more sitting around when Regulus had sat down next to her. Their conversation is awkward yet interesting in exactly the way that made Lily want to continue it. Now she thinks she might just wait for the conversation to end and then finally go to bed afterwards.
"Yes, sure. The way he acts to get your attention is annoying. He is kind of cute when he's more quiet though. He's so lovely when he gets passionate about something. Personally I believe you could never find a more dedicated and romantic lover than James." Lily can hear the deep hurt and sadness that are tainting these words. These adorations of James Potter.
"I guess." She shrugs and looks at James like she is trying to imagine all of those things Regulus just said. If they were true, then maybe James is not as bad as she always thought him to be.