Work Text:
The sound of Zhongli’s feet hitting the marble stairs echoed through the large hall. He rubbed his eyelids while stifling a yawn, paying close attention to each step he made as not to trip.
The moon hanging high outside signaled the late hour it was, its light casting a faint shine onto Zhongli. He had lost track of time while he studied, locking himself away in his room for hours until the words in his books swam in front of his dizzy eyes.
Zhongli was thrown out of his trance like state when he realized just how dry his throat was, and could barely remember the last time he had a glass of water. Despite his uneasiness at taking a break, Zhongli knew he couldn’t concentrate if he was dehydrated. After letting out a deep sigh, he made his way downstairs.
The lights were still on in the living room and the kitchen, and Zhongli knew his mother would still be awake. Zhongli made his steps as light and careful as possible, knowing the best ways to balance his feet as not to make a sound.
When he reached the end of the hallway, Zhongli stood motionless in front of the large doors leading to the rest of the house. His hand hovered over the door handle, unable to reach out just yet. Zhongli’s fingers twitched as he took a deep breath, straightening his back and making sure there were no folds in his clothes. He knew his face and hair must not look so fresh after studying for hours straight, but he’d have to hope his mother wouldn’t notice.
Zhongli pushed the heavy doors open, noticing how the strength in his body had seeped away through the long evening. The house around him was quiet like the night, and for a moment Zhongli could believe that it was deserted.
Guilt settled into Zhongli’s stomach with a heavy weight, he shouldn’t think like that.
Zhongli held his breath as he walked through the living room. The high walls and ceilings seemed daunting, and made him feel small no matter how many times he had walked this path. He cringed at any sound he made, feeling watched at every turn.
Another long hall stretched out in front of Zhongli, old paintings adorning the walls. He knew every detail of the decorations, having spent hours and hours carefully studying them as a young child. Even when he was scolded for doing something so ‘useless,’ Zhongli couldn’t help but be drawn in by the illustrations, noticing every stroke of paint that was meticulously put down by the artist.
Zhongli walked into the marble kitchen, so carefully he almost tiptoed on the tiles. The cold interior sent a shiver down his spine, and Zhongli’s muscles ached to shield himself. The soft patter of rain falling on the windows outside was the only noise filling the room, though if Zhongli listened carefully enough, he could also hear his own heartbeat.
Zhongli pulled a cup out of a drawer, cautious not to let the glass clink against another and make noise. He noticed the way his hands tremble when he held the fragile thing, though he wasn’t sure whether it was the dehydration and tiredness, or something else.
Just as Zhongli was about to pull the tap of the sink to let water stream into his glass, he heard a door open besides him. Zhongli froze in his tracks, trying to ignore the way his heart sank a little.
“Good evening.” The icy voice of his mother cut through the air.
Zhongli turned his head to meet her gaze. Her golden eyes reflected his, though they lacked the warmth that his own held. Zhongli tried to curve his lips up in a polite smile, but tiredness was making it difficult to control his facial expressions.
“Did you finish your studies for today?” Zhongli’s mother went on before he had any time to greet her in return.
Her long dark brown hair flowed behind her neatly with a silky shine as she soundlessly walked across the kitchen, and Zhongli felt his stomach clench at the way his own hair must look right now. Perhaps he should have freshened himself up before coming downstairs.
“I have almost finished them.” Zhongli wanted to get back to filling his glass, but for some reason his limbs felt like they were stuck in cement. He couldn’t tear his gaze away from his mother’s cool stare.
“Then what are you doing here?” A pang shot through Zhongli’s heart at her cold tone, but before he could compose himself and reply, she continued, “I talked with your teachers. They can give you extra work for more credit. Your father and I expect you to be able to complete all this.”
Zhongli swallowed. His mother was looking at him with such a scrutinizing stare, he felt smaller under her watchful gaze.
“I know, and I will do my best,” Zhongli spoke, his voice more steady. He knew with every fiber in his body that he was speaking the truth; he was already doing his very best, and he would have to do whatever it took to go beyond that.
Despite his confidence in being able to uphold his promise, Zhongli’s heart also ached. Zhongli shook his head slightly, he shouldn’t be feeling like this. He knew how important working hard was, it was drilled into his mind from the day he was born. His parents had high expectations of him, and he simply had to surpass them.
“That is right, you will.” The voice of his mother cut Zhongli’s thoughts off. She had turned her back to him, writing something down in a small notebook on the counter opposite to him.
She took a deep breath before continuing, while Zhongli held his own. His muscles were stiff and his back was straightened as much as possible. He could feel the tension coursing through his body. No matter how much he tried to relax himself, it was never possible with his parents around. Though perhaps that was how it should be.
“Your father is on a business trip right now, telling all sorts of important people about his intelligent son. He’s spending his valuable time making sure you get a head start when you take over the company. You don’t want to disappoint him, do you?”
Zhongli swallowed. The mention of his father’s company always made an icy chill grip his heart. He tried to slow his breathing down, hoping that the slight dizziness he started feeling wasn’t showing on his face.
“Of course not, Mother.” Zhongli’s voice came out quieter than he intended.
“Then you have to work harder. You have been slacking off recently,” Zhongli’s mother stated, still not turning around to look at her son. “Don’t think we haven’t noticed. You come home later, with less of your schoolwork done.”
Zhongli’s heart sank a little further. He could hear the frustration in his mother’s voice, and disappointment in himself settled in his bones like a heavy weight.
It was true.
He had always stayed at school past school hours to complete as much homework as possible in the quiet library. But recently, he has been… distracted. Instead of spending his time with his nose in the books of the school library, he found himself in the classroom of Mr. Tartaglia.
Even though he hadn’t looked back twice to his English teacher at the beginning of the school year, Mr. Tartaglia quickly caught his attention with his enthusiasm for teaching and care for his students. And, Zhongli would be lying if he didn’t admit that Childe looked quite handsome.
Ever since then their relationship has been growing; Zhongli couldn’t ignore the way his heart fluttered when the teacher shot him a friendly smile, and he stayed behind more and more after class to talk with him. Mr. Tartaglia certainly wasn’t disinterested in him either, Zhongli had always noticed how the teacher paid just a bit more attention to him than the other students.
Though Zhongli vowed to himself that he wouldn’t let his schoolwork suffer under this, he found himself chatting with Mr. Tartaglia instead of working silently after school hours.
He knew it was bad, truly he did. But Zhongli’s heart had never felt such happiness as it did the first time Childe had kissed him. Or the second time, the third time, or all the times after that. In his life that had looked so monochrome and straightforward, his English teacher was a warm splatter of color.
Though with that came consequences…
“I’m sorry, Mother.” Zhongli felt his cheeks heating up as he apologized. If his parents found out about his relationship with his teacher… No, he didn’t even want to think about that.
“Are you?” The cold voice of his mother cut through the air like a knife. “If you truly were sorry, you wouldn’t have been so lazy in the first place.”
As his mother turned around to look him dead in the eyes, Zhongli felt stuck like a stone. He could almost feel himself shrinking under her chilly stare, devoid of any kindness or forgiveness. She sighed again before continuing.
“Listen, Zhongli. I know you can be a hard worker, but you have to do better now. Do you think you can continue this behavior when you own your father’s company?” Zhongli felt just like a little kid again when his mother scolded him like this. “It’s a big responsibility, one I know you can handle, but only if you work hard and do your best. Something you haven’t been doing lately.”
Zhongli didn’t dare to interrupt his mother, doing his best not to look away from her gripping gaze.
“So whatever it is that you have been doing, —God knows it isn’t your schoolwork— it has to stop.”
She looked at Zhongli with questioning eyes, as if waiting for a response. Zhongli’s words were stuck in his throat, but he forced them out with effort.
“Yes, Mother. I promise I will work harder.” Zhongli wasn’t lying when he said that, he would do everything he could to please his parents.
Though…
He could not let his time with Mr. Tartaglia dwindle away, he simply couldn’t. The Zhongli of a year ago would never have dreamed of disobeying his parents, or doing anything he knew they would disapprove of. Another pang shot through Zhongli’s heart, perhaps that was the effect Childe was having on him.
Because no matter how much Zhongli tried to tame his heart, tried to lock his feelings away and only do what he was told, he knew that all it longed for was Childe. The hours they spent chatting about the most mundane things he would never have looked at twice before were the times that he could forget about his future that had gnawed at him so much.
When he felt a sense of dread seeping through his bones at the thought of going home, Childe was there to gently hold his hand, and tell him that it would be okay.
Even though guilt took a step with him every time Zhongli made his way to Mr. Tartaglia’s classroom, feeling the sin of thinking about what he himself desired instead of what he was supposed to do, Zhongli’s heart also fluttered like a bird in a cage at the thought of being free from those expectations.
“So you have told me before.” Zhongli watched his mother’s eyes narrow, and did his best not to flinch away.
His own eyes flickered to the door behind her, wishing he could just go back upstairs. The tiredness that made him drowsy before had completely hardened to a tension making all his muscles stiff.
“Though you have not held up that promise, how do I know I can trust you again?”
Zhongli swallowed again as his mind raced, what was it his mother wanted to hear? What could he say to make this better? Just as he opened his mouth to make another attempt to reassure her, his mother stopped him with more sharp words.
“I think that it’s better you don’t stay at school after class. You can take the books you need from the library home, and ask any questions you have during class. But from now on, I want you to come straight home. That way I can supervise you, and no distractions will get to you.”
Zhongli’s eyes widened, and he felt his heart lurch in his chest. What?
If he couldn’t stay behind after school anymore, then he wouldn’t be able to freely talk to Childe. The only times they would see each other was during class, when the both of them had to pretend their relationship was non-existent.
If he couldn’t be with the only person that made his heart race anymore… Zhongli felt a lump in his throat. His head ached with all the thoughts and feelings that ran through it. A year ago, he would have did what his mother just asked of him without another thought, not having any reason to disobey, but now…
Could he truly give up what and who he loved, crushed by the expectations pushed onto him?
“I…” Zhongli stammered, the words getting stuck in his throat. No matter how much he tried to hide away the terrible dread he felt in his stomach, Zhongli knew that it all showed on his face at that moment. He couldn’t refuse his mother, but how could he agree with her terms that made his heart fall?
“That is my final decision.” The voice of his mother was steady and sure, but she had raised her eyebrow at Zhongli’s shock.
Dizziness hit Zhongli’s head like a hammer, and the world seemed to swim in front of his eyes. His throat was completely dry, though he felt as if he could drown in any water he would try to drink.
Zhongli desperately tried to push the thoughts and feelings away, he was overreacting, it would be alright, but his breathing only quickened in response.
“Zhongli?” His mother called out to him, her arms crossed over her chest.
“I… can’t-” He forced the words out of his throat, but they were quiet and shaky and died away quick.
Zhongli watched his mother’s eyes widen, as he shrunk back at what he had just said. What was he doing?
“What was that?” Zhongli’s mother echoed the question that ran around his own head, her voice cold and sharp like ice, biting at Zhongli’s heart.
Conflict turmoiled within Zhongli’s head. He had always obeyed his parents without any question, and now that the one thing that he loved was about to be taken from him, he struggled to stand up for himself. Zhongli’s mind scrambled for anything he could possibly say, anything that would make clear just how important this was to him without giving away his close relationship to his teacher. But even if he could, would she listen…?
“Are you questioning me, Zhongli?” Zhongli’s mother took a step closer as her voice became more firm. Even though she kept her voice calm, Zhongli could see her stiff face was masking building up anger.
Zhongli could hear his heart beating loudly, and worried that it might jump out of his chest any moment. He could feel he had made a grave mistake in his mother’s eyes, and wouldn’t be let off lightly.
“Please, Mother-” Zhongli was cut off again before he could continue.
“I don’t appreciate how disrespectfully you’re acting right now, Zhongli.” Her eyes narrowed as her voice became louder. “This is only what is best for you. You have been getting too distracted by other things, and now you’re lashing out towards your own mother.”
Fumbled apologies were stuck in Zhongli’s throat. He was completely split; the easiest would be to ask for his mother’s forgiveness and do as she told him, but his heart screamed not to give up on his own happiness and freedom. Why did he have to choose, why did it hurt so much?
“I can’t do it, I’m sorry.”
Zhongli watched his mother’s eyes widen, before narrowing again with anger. A pounding ache coursed through his entire body, it felt so unnatural to go against his mother, to see her disappointment and anger towards him so clearly.
“I can’t believe this, what has gotten into you?” Both shock and rage dripped from his mother’s voice, and it stabbed through Zhongli’s heart like a knife.
“Do not make me repeat myself, Zhongli. Clearly something more is going on that you’re not telling me about.” Zhongli hated lying to his mother, but he had always calmed himself down with the thought that technically he wasn’t lying, just withholding information.
Though in this case, he really couldn’t tell her what was going on. He would be in more trouble than he could even imagine. Was it impossible to make his parents happy while also being free with his feelings for Mr. Tartaglia?
“Your father and I will be very disappointed if this continues. That is why it’s best if you can fully focus on your work where we can keep an eye on you. Is that clear?”
Zhongli’s mouth felt even drier than before, and he couldn’t get any words out anymore. Now he had done it, his mother was steadfast in her decision, and her trust in him had dwindled.
While his mind was still racing like a rough river, Zhongli instinctively took a step back. His head hurt, he wished he could just go to sleep and forget any of this had happened.
Zhongli’s mother didn’t let her son create the distance he wanted, and took another step forward, getting closer than she had been.
“I asked you a question.” Zhongli almost flinched back at the sharpness of her voice.
He had to answer, all he had to do was say ‘yes.’ So why did his mouth refuse to move? Why did his heart ache so much? Zhongli tried his best to control the muscles in his face, but he knew his expression must have been a pained one nonetheless.
“Don’t be like this, Zhongli. You have always done well. You don’t want to throw that away now, do you?” No. Yes. Maybe. Zhongli couldn’t keep up with the thoughts shooting through his mind.
His head fell, eyes glued to the ground. There was a slight tremble to his fingers, but he tried not to let his doubts and anxieties show. Why couldn’t he just speak up?
Zhongli felt the air was getting thicker with tension every second, threatening not to leave enough room for oxygen.
“Give me your phone and go back to your room, now.” He had gotten to the end of his mother’s patience, and her voice felt like a plunge in a freezing ocean.
Zhongli’s eyes widened at his mother’s words, while his heart lurched. He had always been careful with his phone, guarding the countless messages sent between him and Childe. He hadn’t had the time to hide any of them tonight. If he had to give up his phone now…
“N-No!” The word fell from of Zhongli’s mouth before he could even stop it. Zhongli’s body moved on instinct, as he stumbled a few steps back with trembling hands.
At the same moment, Zhongli’s mother flinched back in shock, before straightening herself again. Her nose was scrunched up with anger and a fire blazed in her golden eyes.
She got dangerously close to Zhongli and held out her hand. Though it was steady, Zhongli could see the slight tremor of anger in them. “Now, Zhongli.”
Fear gripped Zhongli’s heart like a vicious claw, while rough waves of guilt threatened to drown him. He tried to meet his mother’s gaze head on, but cowered under the furious stare instead. What had he done?
Zhongli’s heart raced and he found it more and more difficult to breathe with the second, but before he could even make an attempt to diffuse the situation-
Slap.
A harsh sting hit Zhongli’s cheek as his head turned at a speed that sent sparks of ache up his neck. For a moment the world seemed to stand still, and the only thing that sounded through the room was the echo of the loud blow.
Staggering backwards, Zhongli’s hand came up to caress his sore cheek, feeling the heat blossoming beneath the skin from the hit. His face contorted in horror, and he could barely bring himself to turn to face his mother again.
Her arm was still outstretched from the slap she just delivered, while her eyes were clouded by something Zhongli couldn’t quite decipher. Though soon enough his own vision went too blurry to figure it out. Tears sprung up his eyes, and all Zhongli longed to do was hide himself away. Zhongli didn’t dare to speak, afraid of what would come out when he opened his mouth.
“Zhongli-” Though Zhongli’s mother called out to him, she quickly cut herself off again.
Zhongli wasn’t sure whether he heard anger or regret in her voice, but at that moment he couldn’t care.
Without thinking any further, Zhongli’s feet turned him around and had him scramble towards the door. The blood rushing in his ears made him deaf to his mother calling for him again, and Zhongli darted out of the room without looking back.
Walls flashed by Zhongli as he sprinted through the halls. His vision was too blurry to see where he was, so he had to trust his instinct to lead him the right way. His head felt so full yet so empty at the same time, his only focus on getting out of here.
Zhongli’s legs ached, tiredness scorching through them like fire, but despite it all he couldn’t stop, he had to keep running.
Tearing open the front door and bolting through it, Zhongli was immediately hit with the cold air of the outside world, and even worse the harsh rain. It seemed the clouds above cried for him, but the thought couldn’t comfort Zhongli.
Zhongli didn’t slow down until he had made it out of the gate, his breath coming out in rough and short puffs already. The rain filled Zhongli’s nose with a fresh scent, and washed away some of the dazed heat that had fogged his mind.
Dark clouds covered the moon, but Zhongli’s path was lighted by bright streetlights. He tried to calm his breathing down, but the thoughts that raced through his head made it difficult-
His mother had hit him, and Zhongli wasn’t sure whether he could blame her. When it mattered the most, his throat had closed up and refused to speak. The fear that gripped him when he was faced with the disappointment and anger of his parents paralyzed him, making him unable to stand up for himself.
His cheek still stung with a throbbing pain, and tears welled up in Zhongli’s eyes again. They mixed with the rain that dripped down his face, cooling down the rushing heat in his sore cheek.
What would he do now? Zhongli finally stopped walking when he had made it to an empty park. His legs burned, and tiredness seeped through his bones. Perhaps if he went back right now, prepared with a good apology… Zhongli wasn’t sure if he could be forgiven.
The rain dripped through Zhongli’s clothes, and for the first time he realized how cold he was. A shiver ran through his body as he tried to shield his face from the rain. He was wearing comfortable clothes made of a thin fabric, certainly not meant for outdoor wear.
When Zhongli opened his mouth to take in a deep breath of fresh air, a muffled sob escaped him. Even though he knew where he was, he felt so utterly lost.
He stood there motionlessly for what could have been a heartbeat, or an eternity.
Eventually Zhongli managed to calm both his breathing and his heart, but his chest still heaved with sobs he desperately tried to keep down. The grass beneath Zhongli’s feet was soggy, and the water seeped into his shoes.
When he had been knocked down like this, what could help him back up…?
A small light started shining in the depth of Zhongli’s heart. That was right, Childe.
Zhongli could almost feel his teacher’s warm embrace, and his lips curved up in a small smile. Though tears still slowly dripped down his face, his body felt a bit lighter at the thought of the one he knew he could trust.
He couldn’t go back to his own house right now, could he stay with Childe? Even though the thought of bothering the man at this late hour made a pang of guilt shoot through Zhongli’s heart, he took his phone out of his pocket.
Despite the few stray raindrops painting his phone, the screen still flickered to light. Luckily it hadn’t been damaged.
Zhongli’s fingers trembled as he typed out a message, both the cold and distress making him shaky. Only as he clicked send did Zhongli realize the misspellings in his text.
To: Childe
From: Zhongli
Can i come over to your place.?
Zhongli stared at the message, small sparks of worry shooting up his spine. There was no place he’d rather be right now, but was it okay to ask?
The rain kept falling harder above Zhongli, drenching him in the cold water. Zhongli’s teeth chattered, and he sniffled every few seconds.
A response back came almost immediately, the message on Zhongli’s screen lighting up his eyes.
Childe
Of course, want me to pick you up?
Despite it being a digital text, Zhongli could feel the warmth that came with the words. He looked up from his phone, scanning his surroundings. Without even thinking, his legs had taken him in the right direction already.
Zhongli
Im already on m way
The rain and tears falling on his screen made his words jumbled, but Zhongli didn’t have the puff left in him to notice or care. His legs threatened to give out under him, and the thought of falling asleep right then and there was a tempting one for just a second.
No, he would be with Childe soon, if only he just kept going now. The thought made Zhongli’s chest a bit warmer.
Everything seemed hopeless right now, and just the thought of his home made Zhongli shudder with despair. But, he would always have someone who he could turn to when he felt like this. Yes, Childe would take care of him. It would be alright.