Work Text:
komaru naegi doesn't realize.
she doesn't realize that the moment she meets touko, the two of them are immediately interlocked hand-in-hand by the grueling hand of fate, a tearful yet cheerful girl and a passive-aggressive yet spitting girl. the two of them are at first opposing; a man-killer with a split personality and an average schoolgirl aren't exactly a common pair.
but komaru trusts touko, beyond all odds. she trusts her because trust is a wonderful thing, and in towa city this wonderful thing is scarce.
and so when komaru, after years of tears and imprisonment, finds somebody she can call a friend, she embraces trust.
she just didn't realize what it'd bring her to.
komaru naegi doesn't realize.
she doesn't realize how fragile her life is until she faces death at every turning point in her life, watching her breath escape her and her life flash before her eyes way too many times than it should. she watches as kids--demonic kids, killer kids--face her and her companion, wearing toothy grins and bloodstained clothing.
but yet, death only whisks its knuckles on her door a few times, and never truly knocks; and she can thank touko fukawa for that. she can thank a girl labeled as a bitch or other ugly nicknames by others, and she can thank a girl who's face is pale and her composure dull and her base shaky.
so when touko holds her hands up to her chest, as if shielding herself from something komaru can't imagine, the average girl can only wrap her hands around the other, praising her for saving her life.
touko gets bitter, and komaru doesn't care
but she still doesn't realize.
komaru naegi doesn't realize.
despite being grateful for the gift that is touko fukawa, an untalented girl has to admit that sitting through lectures on the other's self-proclaimed master is grinding. listening to touko drool over her byakuya, komaru's original savior, is somewhat annoying and tugs at something at the bottom of her stomach.
she just never realized why.
komaru naegi never realizes.
when touko walks a little closer to her and only her bruised fingers brush along komaru's side, the younger girl feels bright and joyful despite the action being minuscule. komaru, thinking of every love manga she knows, proposes idea after idea, for she loves touko. she loves her friend, her now-only friend, more than anything in this entire world.
she misses her past friends, sure. but something about touko is different, and it sparks a fire inside of her.
yes, something is different. while her passion for touko is as passionate as past bffs, something is definitely, most positively different. while past friends have lit a fire inside her, the fire that roars and feeds off the fuel of a thousand couple-like actions is much different, and it's the exact same fire that spikes beneath komaru's skin as she stands by touko's side. this love isn't stronger, or fiercer, or anything of that matter--it's simply different.
and it tingles at the edge of her skin, lighting sparks against her head and legs and crawling up beneath her. it gives komaru a deep, welling yet airy feeling, one that folds into her heart and remains intact. this love is different, and different in the way that when komaru naegi looks at touko fukawa, she swears she can hear her heart lap up past her ears.
and sure, the base of it all was still there; a kind, caring feeling of friendship, the down-to-earth base that glued them together and would keep them glued together. it was still there--only with an addition;
"i wanna go on a picnic with you!"
"im sorry."
"thank you, touko-chan."
the light and airy, naive and cautious, the ultimately, incredibly abstract feeling of falling in love with your best friend.
she just never realized.
she just never realized until it was too late.
komaru naegi never realized (until it was too late.)
upon the time that she holds touko close to her chest, the time where they sleep in the same bed, back-to-back as partners in crime and friendship and possibly love, the time where touko fukawa of all the people in the world holds her head close to her neck and speaks of equals; that is the time where komaru feels her heart beat, and beat hard with both passion and friendship, platonic yet romantic.
but touko fukawa chases after byakuya togami, and komaru dries her tears while wearing the most sincere of smiles.
the librarian was never meant to be hers, and that's okay. it's all okay.
so despite all, despite the fluttering beat in her heart that strikes upwards into the sky when touko comes close, despite touko's constant fantasizations about byakuya (who didn't deserve her at all, by the way), despite the clear fact that touko fukawa was as straight as straight could be, komaru naegi continues being her friend, forever and always.
for touko fukawa is more than a crush;
no matter whether romantic or platonic, touko fukawa is her world, always and forever. and even if touko cannot and will not understand the concept of komaru reaching out, the casual schoolgirl is just happy to have the other by her side.
(even if lingering touches still tingle. even if touko's jabs about herself and 'master byakuya' still sting. even if komaru's heart is not only full of love for a sprouting friendship, but a passion, a reach for something more.)
(komaru naegi can only wait and hope.)
touko fukawa never realized (but in a different way.)
from the moment they met and komaru claimed companionship despite all odds, including the fact that touko was a sarcastic, bitter bitch and snob with a murderous, scissor-wielding man-killer for an alternate personality, touko fukawa knew one of two things;
one, she was in love, and not in the 'ooh master byakuya' way; she was absolutely, positively head-over-heels for komaru naegi, in a confusing meld of appreciating kindness and yet wanting kisses and vague i love yous, and picnics and sincere friendship--
and two, that komaru naegi was the most boring, normal schoolgirl she had ever met. this wouldn't mean much to an ultimate student usually, ugh, but this time, something stuck out to the writer;
the usuals here would never, ever romantically care for somebody of the same-sex.
and looking over at komaru naegi, practically seething with bitter anger yet total adoration touko fukawa lowers her head and lets herself be carried by the breeze.
komaru is sweet and kind and lovely, and she's all the things in the world that touko yearns for. she tries, and she actually tries so hard to stick with her even when the rest of the world turns their backs--
and touko fukawa falls in complete, sincere love with the girl, the perfectly-flawed normal girl, who saved her life.
but there's no way in hell komaru would love touko in the way she does, and the truth is hard and rough and blisters the writer's skin. no matter how many lovesick poems she writes, ones that detail a normal girl and an incredibly flawed girl falling into love, she knows with all of her bitter fucking heart that komaru knows nothing of what she holds.
komaru is naive, and her eyes twinkle as she suggests a million cheesy things to do. and touko replies bitterly, because covering up her true feelings is better than being brutally rejected, and losing a grip on the last person who actually gives a damn.
and touko fukawa is a writer, so words spill out of her mouth into ink onto pages, and she blathers to a curious dork about her troubles with master byakuya.
komaru naegi simply is too simple to love a girl, and that's fine, touko decides.
because komaru naegi is happy, and despite all odds touko fukawa still loves her with every once in her body.
feelings are conflicting, sure.
but komaru is happy, and so touko is happy. happier than she's ever been.
"but regardless, why do you believe in somebody like me?!"
and so, instead of dropping down and kissing komaru's feet like some pathetic shit, touko continues her chase after byakuya. she imagines blonde hair, and she claims fantasies over the rich asshole who no longer truly is in her heart. she drools and clutches her heart and does all the things she used to do.
but komaru naegi never leaves her heart. in fact, she becomes stronger, and touko fukawa cannot believe how cruel the earth is to her.
and so she chases after both, one simply the fantasy of some poor abused kid, and the other somebody who was much too kind to somebody who didn't deserve it, never deserved it. she chases after both of them because while somewhat devoid of hope but not completely, she wants to feel the joy of being with them; so she constructs story after story, fantasy after fantasy, every idea she can piece together to make herself feel better for love that will never happen.
it becomes a coping mechanism for dealing with loves that were never meant to be, yet stay true in her heart. they never leave.
writing was her ultimate talent, after all.