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“I think the way to Calliope’s heart is definitely a bust of your severed head,” said Dirk.
“What about a bust of her severed head?” Rose suggested, nibbling at her cafeteria pizza. There were traces of red sauce at the corners of her black-lipsticked mouth.
“That is more threatening,” Dirk agreed. He began methodically picking apart his orange peel.
“On the other hand,” Rose mused, “making it your head carries interesting undertones of obsession and self-sacrifice.”
“Omigod, you guys. Can’t I just make her a mix CD?” said Roxy. “I want to date the girl, not menace her.”
“I vote for the mix CD,” said Dave.
“What?” said Dirk, Rose, and Roxy together.
“I vote for the mix CD,” Dave repeated.
“Dave, are you mumbling again?” said Terezi, sliding into the seat next to him. Dave moved his tray so Terezi’s lunchbox could fit.
“It’s a free country, Pyrope. Man’s allowed to be a quiet speaker.”
“Yeah, Pyrope. Are you the speech police now?” said Dirk.
“Yes I am,” said Terezi firmly. She took a plastic-wrapped sandwich, a bottle of juice, three packets of different condiments, and a paper towel out of her lunchbox and started laying them out. “I am the speech police, and I am going to arrest all of you. Now, what were we talking about?”
“Roxy’s love life,” said Dave. “What kind of juice is that?”
“White grape and cranberry-licious, with a dash of Cholula!”
“Damn,” said Dave.
“Eurgh,” said Dirk.
Terezi smiled, relishing the disgust on Dirk’s face. “Is Roxy going to ask someone to promcoming?”
“Maybe,” said Roxy.
“Good for you.”
“I’m going to meet Jane in the library,” said Roxy. She got up, knocking over Rose’s milk carton in the process. “Oh, shit.”
Sharp, nasty laughter erupted nearby. In familiar mocking tones, Caliborn announced, “You bitches are fucking clumsy.”
“Better than being a tiny jerk!” Roxy snapped, and started digging tissues out of her backpack. Rose and Dirk contributed their napkins to the cause. Caliborn just laughed again and walked away.
“Roxy, do you have any tissues left?” asked Rose. “I need to re-do my lipstick.”
“Here,” Roxy grumbled, shoving the rest of the pack at Rose.
“Don’t pine too hard!” Terezi called after Roxy as she left.
--
"I hate tests," said Jane. "I hate tests and I hate plants and I don't care about biology or words or life at all because they are all horrible. Screw life."
"Aww, Janey. Don't be like that." Roxy retrieved a stack of flashcards from her backpack and sat down at the table. "Put those hamsters back into the wheels of learning."
"That makes no sense," Jane sniffed, but she was smiling a bit. She took the flashcards and started sorting them into piles.
"So, are you going to promcoming?" Roxy asked, hoping that Jane would respond with a blush or stutter so that Roxy could tease her about whoever she wanted for a date. But Jane did no such thing.
"If I pass this test, I am. Speaking of promcoming," and here Jane leaned down and made meaningful eye contact with Roxy, "I just convinced Calliope to go."
"Jane."
"And you know what was the kicker?" Jane wiggled her eyebrows. "I told her you'd be there."
"Jane!"
"Now now Ro-Lal, let's focus." Jane let out a soft hoo, hoo of laughter under her breath and picked up a flashcard, countenance much improved.
--
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]
UU: hello, dear!
TG: haaaay cal-pal
TG: (its like a pun on "gal pal")
TG: what up?
UU: i jUst wanted to tell yoU that i will be attending the promcoming dance!
UU: as yoU might imagine i am very excited u_~
TG: aww yay
TG: u should hang out with us b4 ;)
UU: that won't be possible, i'm afraid. u_u
UU: although i will see you there!
TG: alright, cool
UU: ^u^
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]
--
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]
TG: hey di stri are you there?
TG: i could kinda uh
TG: use a chat
TG: if ur around n in the mood that is
TG: dont wanna be all like
TG: gettin up in your space
TG: poaching the energy beasts that run wild and free thru your time forests
TG: showing up on wanted posters in your rural villages
TG: the sheriff tears them from the wall when i escape his clutches
TG: swears eternal vengeance while crumpling em up
TG: and hes got no idea but im drinking in the EXACT SAME PUB watching him cry into his guinness
TG: haha yes ive slipped the noose again hdu like that
TG: sexy robin hood triumphs once more
TG: omfg wtf am i even saying
TG: dirk are you there
TG: diiiiiiiiiiiiirk
TT: What can I do for you, Roxy?
TG: FINALLY
TG: i need romance advice.........
TT: Hmm.
TT: It seems that you are seeking my counsel.
TG: uh
TG: god damn it is this the autoresponder
TT: Hello, Roxy.
TG: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
TG: this is getting RIDICK oh man
TT: Language.
TG: great now i get to ask an ACTUAL ROBOT about human feelings
TG: glasses what do u think i should do???
TG: should i just tell her i like her?
TT: Pretty much.
TG: le sign.
TG: ok m gonna take a courage pill or sthg
TT: Good luck.
tipsyGnostalgic [TG]ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]
--
The promcoming's theme was Over The Moon. Several instructors had dressed as cows, but only one wore a cowbell. Dave kept up a running commentary under his breath about all the things at the promcoming that needed more cowbell. Roxy was latched to Jane's side, scanning the crowd for Calliope.
She was standing over at the entrance, wearing a tidy small suit. She waved big and smiled when she saw Roxy. (Jane winked. Roxy made a face at her.)
"Oh! Will you help me get something from the car?"
"Sure," said Roxy, and followed Calliope wonderingly out to the parking lot.
They stopped at a garishly painted truck. Calliope made as if to open the door, and then turned back.
"Roxy. I know you like me," she said. "I like you too."
Roxy's heart skipped several beats in a row, and she said, "What? How?"
"My brother said something about, uh, something awful being in store for me at the dance," said Calliope, "and I figured out that he actually meant... Well."
"Huh."
"That was anticlimactic, wasn't it?" Calliope fiddled with the buttons on her suit. "I thought it would be a bit more like, you know."
"Like this?" Roxy kissed her, in the most awkward teenage way possible, and nevertheless they were both smiling when they broke away.