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Karlach had already been lying in her tent for a while. She was trying to keep her eyes closed, changing positions, trying to count sheep – doing anything that she had heard might help her fall asleep. Finally, she gave up, turning over on her back and opening her eyes. She formed patterns out of the stars above her head for a while before looking around the camp and then glancing to her right.
Clive – her beloved teddy bear – was leaning against one of the tent poles, his head pointed downwards. Karlach learned the basics of sewing years ago to be able to patch him up and he had many stitched-up ‘scars’, along with one eye which – if inspected closely – was clearly a somewhat darker brown shade than the other: an attentive but slightly imperfect replacement. But Clive was old and Karlach never quite figured out how to keep his insides as fluffy as they used to be when she had just got him, so his plush body could no longer sit completely upright. She almost kind of liked that though.
Clive was a present that Karlach got from her parents for her thirteenth birthday. She was incredibly attached to him as a kid, dragging him around with her everywhere, and she kept him even as she became an adult and moved out of her family’s home. Just as she did when she was younger, she carried him with her wherever she went, although she started storing him in her pack for safekeeping. He always reminded her of her childhood, of simpler times, and that feeling only amplified when she was dragged down to hell and her pack with Clive went down with her. It was not easy to keep him whole while fighting in Zariel’s war and there were a few times Karlach risked her own neck to make sure Clive would at least stay mostly intact. Still, he had undeniably been through a lot more than any other teddy bear in Faerûn, and his slightly misshapen body was a reminder of all the dangers he had survived.
Now that Karlach was finally out of hell again, she decided – with a heavy heart – to keep Clive at camp to prolong his already impressively long life with a nice, safe retirement. And that was not the only hard decision she had to make. For over a decade now, ever since she first got Clive, she went to bed hugging him. His soft and calming presence always easily soothed her, and she was able to fall asleep quickly no matter where she was. These days, though, it was no longer safe for Karlach’s body to be touched or be touching anything for a long time, especially something as flammable a knitted toy. And so, Clive now stayed at a safe distance, while she tossed and turned every night, taking hours to fall asleep.
“You keep moving around,” a voice behind her suddenly said, slightly irritated.
Karlach turned her head and saw Shadowheart standing beside her tent.
“Shit, sorry!” she exclaimed in response, propping herself up on her elbows. “Did I wake you up?”
“No,” Shadowheart answered. “I believe we are both having a hard time falling asleep.”
Karlach looked at her sympathetically, not being able to think of any more remedies to insomnia aside from the ones she had already tried, to no avail – until it hit her. “Do you want to take Clive?”
Shadowheart blinked in confusion. “Clive?”
“My teddy bear,” Karlach clarified, nodding her head in his direction.
“Whatever would I need it for?”
“Well, you know, I’m sure you had toys you slept with when you were young,” Karlach responded. “It might seem childish, but falling asleep hugging one of these is like a miracle cure to insomnia – honest!”
“I’ve…” – Shadowheart began saying, her tone slow and almost questioning, like she was not entirely confident in what she was saying – “I’ve never slept with a toy, not even as a child.”
“Oh,” Karlach uttered. “Well, it’s never too late to try!”
“I think I will decline,” Shadowheart responded, pursing her lips. “Why don’t you hug him instead? Perhaps I will have an easier time falling asleep if you are asleep.”
“I can’t,” Karlach answered sadly. “If I hug him all night, with all this fire in me, I’ll wake up to a pile of ash the next morning.”
“I see,” Shadowheart said thoughtfully. “Well, keep him regardless. I’ll find some other way to rest. Eventually.”
“If you’re sure,” Karlach shrugged, lying back down and closing her eyes.
Shadowheart moved back to her tent. Karlach finally fell asleep thinking that everyone deserved to experience sleeping with a stuffed toy at least once in their lives.
♡♡♡
As Karlach, Shadowheart, and Gale were traversing the strangely beautiful and gloomy Underdark, Karlach was thinking about how even its darkness could not persuade her body to fall asleep easily. It was a while since she had returned from hell, but insomnia was still plaguing her just like the first day she had appeared back in Faerûn. It was becoming a real problem.
“Karlach,” Gale said suddenly. “Shadowheart mentioned something to me yesterday.”
“What’s that?” she asked, hearing Shadowheart sigh in annoyance behind her.
“She told me that you have a certain precious possession that helps you fall asleep.”
“Yeah…” Karlach prolonged. “Where is this going?”
“Well, remember how you asked me whether I know of any spells that would help someone resist your… fiery state of being?”
“Yes,” Karlach responded. “And you said you don’t.”
“Technically, I did not say that,” Gale pointed out pedantically. “I did, however, say that the singular fire shield spell which I still have in my new and unfortunately limited magical arsenal is only capable of reducing the effects of the fire rather than counteracting them entirely.”
“Can you get to the point already?” Shadowheart asked impatiently.
“Right, well. My point is that we were speaking hypothetically, and you’ve only ever mentioned needing a spell for another person, so that was the end of the conversation at the time.”
“Wait,” Karlach interjected excitedly, thinking that she might know what Gale was getting at. “Are you saying what I think you are saying?”
“Indeed!” Gale responded cheerfully. “Or, well. If what you think I am saying is that I can cast a far more powerful fire shield spell on a small object, such as your lovely teddy bear, that will let you hold it as long as you like with no adverse effects to it whatsoever, then yes – that is what I’m saying.”
“Fuck yes! Thank you, Gale!” Karlach exclaimed and wrapped him up in a hug, lifting him up for a moment before placing him back down.
Gale laughed. “You are very welcome.”
“And you too, Shadowheart,” Karlach said, turning around to her.
“No need, this is just something I mentioned to Gale,” she nodded curtly, although a small and genuine smile appeared on her face, even if only for a moment. “Just as long as you don’t pick me up.”
Karlach raised her hands up in a gesture of surrender and turned back to Gale.
“He’s a ‘he’ though,” she pointed out.
“Sorry, what?” he asked.
“My teddy bear. You said ‘it’. He’s a ‘he’. His name is Clive.”
“My apologies,” Gale smiled. “I will make sure to return Clive to you – entirely safe and protected – before you go to bed tonight.”
As Karlach was falling asleep – blissfully easily for the first time in weeks – she was grateful for Gale’s help but even more grateful for Shadowheart’s attentiveness. They only had one conversation about Clive and yet she remembered and tried to help! Karlach was wondering how she could return the favour.
♡♡♡
When the group finally reached Baldur’s Gate, the general mood was not exactly cheerful. Although Ketheric Thorm was defeated, his body left behind in the healing Shadow-Cursed Lands, they were all now dealing with the many disturbing secrets that had been revealed – not least of all, the truth of Shadowheart’s past.
Karlach remembered the moment Shadowheart told her about her biggest fear. They were making their way through the Zent Hideout and, before stumbling upon the elevator that took them to the Underdark, they stumbled upon a wolf. It broke Karlach’s heart that Shadowheart’s ‘mother’ used this fear against her, and Karlach reassured her that they would avoid wolves at all costs, that she deserved to feel safe.
Now, Shadowheart’s history with wolves seemed even more deliberately cruel. The very reason why she was scared of the animals was completely manufactured by the people who stole her from her parents and forced her to be a weapon against her will. And the wolf – the one who Shadowheart was so afraid of, the one she thought her kidnappers were saving her from – was her own father, who was actually trying to protect her.
No matter what they were doing, Karlach kept thinking about the horrific fate Shadowheart was subjected to, trying to figure out a way to comfort her, and having a really hard time coming up with one. Thankfully, she always had a best friend’s shoulder to lean on, so she decided that her best bet was asking for Wyll’s advice, as she always did when she was facing a dilemma.
“So, I was thinking…” Karlach began, as she came up to him.
“What about?” Wyll asked, giving her a smile.
“We’ve got to find a way to help Shadowheart cheer up somehow.”
“I don’t reckon this is a ‘cheer up’ kind of situation, if I’m honest,” he responded cautiously.
“I don’t mean to make her forget the situation or anything,” Karlach explained. “Just to make her feel a bit better about something, anything that’s going on in her life.”
“Well,” Wyll prolonged. “She is in the clutches of Shar no longer – that is certainly something to celebrate.”
“Sure, but… how?”
“Hmm…” he contemplated for a moment. “She hasn’t been out adventuring with us much as of late, now that I think about it.”
“Actually,” Karlach exclaimed, as this was also something that had been on her mind. “I think it might be because her Sharran armour is all she has – maybe we could replace it?”
“I believe that headband she wears is Sharran as well,” Wyll mused.
“So… buy her those?”
“Better yet – why not involve everyone, so each of us chooses her a gift?” Wyll suggested. “That way we will certainly replace all her old gear and then some. Anything that might hold bad memories.”
“That’s it!” Karlach responded, grinning. “I knew I came to the right person!”
“The Blade of Frontiers is always at your service,” Wyll answered, half-jokingly.
And so, it was decided. As Karlach and Wyll ran their idea by the group, most ended up really liking it, with the exception of Astarion – of course – who outright refused to spend money on anybody but himself, and Halsin, who decided that a handmade gift would be more appropriate (which many in the group doubted, although silently, as to not hurt his feelings).
Jaheira and Gale both instantly got ideas that they were satisfied with and headed directly for their respective shops of choice: Jaheira – to Danthelon’s Dancing Axe to buy a dagger made of mithral, and Gale – to Sorcerous Sundries to buy a tome of advanced cleric spells.
As the offense was taken care of, the rest of the group decided it was a good idea to also take care of the defence. Although it took quite a bit of time and visits to multiple stores, eventually, Lae’zel picked out a set of gorgeous silver armour (with the help of Wyll who nudged her in the direction of aesthetically pleasing as well as practical). Wyll himself bought a collection of hair accessories, along with a new headband, made of clear quartz.
The only one left was Karlach, who was still having a hard time coming up with her own present. It was not like she did not have any ideas – there were even some good ones. Yet, somehow, they all felt wrong. But then, as they were walking the streets of Baldur’s Gate, she saw a little kid on the street carrying an adorable stuffed owlbear toy, and it hit her. The answer was metaphorically staring her right in the face this whole time, long before there was even any talk of getting Shadowheart gifts at all – Karlach just forgot it momentarily in all the commotion.
“There is a toymaker on the other side of town, right?” she turned to Wyll to confirm. He nodded. “Then that’s where we’re going next.”
From that point on, it did not take them long to obtain the final gift. As soon as the group stepped inside the shop, Karlach’s glance fell on a stuffed wolf toy made out of white wool – quite similar to Shadowheart’s new hair colour – and it felt entirely too serendipitous to spend any more time mulling over it. The group’s shopping spree was complete.
♡♡♡
As they returned to their room at the Elfsong Tavern, Shadowheart was lounging in the sitting area, clearly expecting them. Whether she knew where they went or simply found it suspicious that so many of them were gone at the same time, it was not clear.
“Astarion,” Gale sighed in annoyance. “Have you told Shadowheart of our plans?”
“Indeed, I have,” he responded casually from his corner. “I was trying to save her the embarrassment, but apparently she hit her head somewhere and we simply haven’t noticed.”
The group looked at him in confusion.
Halsin stepped in to explain. “I do apologise, but after Astarion told Shadowheart about the gifts, I couldn’t help but present mine ahead of time.”
“It’s a whittled owlbear, very thoughtful,” Shadowheart added in a genuine tone. Karlach now understood what Astarion meant by her “hitting her head” as her appreciation of such a simple gift, one that many have felt sceptical about no less, was definitely at least a little surprising.
“Tchk!” Lae’zel exclaimed. “If you are impressed with a mere wooden trinket, you will certainly be amazed by what I have to offer.”
Karlach chuckled in amusement. They’ve gone so far, these two. And although Lae’zel was not yet capable of showing her affection without feigning annoyance, her clear nervousness over her undeniably perfect gift was sweet.
“Well then,” Shadowheart said. “Let me see!”
As Lae’zel laid out the armour in front of her, Shadowheart gasped. “Oh, it’s beautiful!”
Lae’zel pursed her lips. “It provides excellent protection.”
“I’m sure it does,” Shadowheart smiled knowingly.
“And seeing as we are dealing with your appearance first,” – Wyll joined the conversation – “here are some new hair accessories. Figured you’d need a change.”
Shadowheart opened the box Wyll handed to her, looking over them with interest and approval.
“I thought of getting some made of moonstone first,” Wyll added. “But I reckoned you’d want to make that decision yourself, if at all.”
Shadowheart gave him a grateful look. “Thank you.”
“As for something you could apply in battle” – Gale began – “I present to you ‘Divine Intervention’ by the renowned cleric and scholar Olastina Duskvale.”
Shadowheart took the book from his hands, flipping through it.
“It is a tome of expert cleric spells,” Gale clarified.
“Right,” Shadowheart responded. “Thank you. I think it is high time I learn something outside of Shar’s grasp.”
“And in case you want to get as far away from it as possible” – Jaheira interjected – “here is something from me.”
“I don’t typically use daggers,” Shadowheart responded pensively, setting her new spell tome down and taking the gift from Jaheira’s hands.
“I can teach you,” Jaheira said simply. “Everyone wants to stab something every once in a while.”
Shadowheart chuckled. “I do agree with that.”
As the rest of the group was done with their presents, they turned to Karlach.
“I actually want to gift mine in private, if you don’t mind,” she said.
Jaheira just shrugged in response, already heading back to her corner, with others following suit.
“My present is maybe a little unexpected,” Karlach began, sitting down next to Shadowheart. “I was kind of worried you might not like it, considering some of our past conversations. But since you loved the whittled owlbear so much…”
“Ugh,” Shadowheart groaned. “Is everyone going to make fun of me for the owlbear now?”
“No, of course not!” Karlach exclaimed. “Well… maybe Astarion.”
Shadowheart rolled her eyes. “Just get to your present.”
Karlach revealed the stuffed wolf toy she was hiding behind her back. “I remember how you said you’ve never had one of these, not even as a child. And you helped me with sleeping by telling Gale about Clive, but I know insomnia is still a huge thing for you, so I thought you might like one of your own.”
Shadowheart took the toy from Karlach’s hands, rotating it around. “It’s a... wolf,” she said slowly.
“It is,” Kalrach nodded. “Your protector.”
Shadowheart looked up at her, teary-eyed. “Thank you,” she said. “I love it.”
“I’m glad,” Karlach grinned. “Can I get a hug now?” she asked, stretching her arms out.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” Shadowheart chuckled, standing up and gathering her presents.
Karlach’s arms fell back down to her sides easily. “Enjoy your gifts!” she said cheerfully.
“I will,” Shadowheart responded in earnest.
As Karlach was walking upstairs back to her bed that night, she saw Shadowheart, already asleep, her long silver hair tangled up around a wolf toy of the same colour.
♡♡♡