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The first time Chloe sees Aubrey, she’s kind of shocked. Shocked by how pretty she is and how she carries herself like some politician’s wife. Then she opens her mouth and out comes a voice as clear as a bell and pure enough that she thinks Aubrey might actually have just come from a convent. In reality, she’s from South Carolina and the only songs she sings besides church hymns are by eighties and nineties girl groups or from select musicals. Close enough. Aubrey auditions with “Let’s Hear it For the Boy” and at initiation she shyly mentions how nervous she was with such a risqué choice. It’s then that Chloe realizes Aubrey is a little bit awkward and a lot adorable. If she weren’t so attractive she’d be a total loser.
Chloe might have developed a crush somewhere between first seeing Aubrey and watching her cut down another freshman Bella all while still keeping that perfect smile. Who knew that saying, “Bless your heart” while reducing someone to tears could be so hot? Aubrey makes the mistake of getting drunk and hooking up with some clown named Bumper. It doesn’t end well, but is probably a big indicator that she’s straight. So they do background harmony as friends while Chloe enjoys Aubrey’s enthusiasm for acappella and the way the Bellas uniform clings to her hips.
___
Chloe loves college. Life as a Classics major is great. It’s pretty much all reading and then talking about what you just read. She parties and mingles and maintains a string of short relationships, if you can call them that. Some would call them flings and she may or may not be getting a reputation. The point is that she runs through two boyfriends and 1.5 girlfriends in about six months. Meh. Who needs romantic consistency when your best friend runs like clockwork?
Aubrey’s college experience isn’t so ideal. She’s majoring in pre-med and is under a lot of pressure, most especially from her father. She’s always been rather high strung, but it’s towards the end of the year that Chloe finds out her secret. She catches Aubrey vomiting in the bathroom during rehearsal once and brushes it off when that killer glare is leveled in her direction. It happens again when they’re studying for finals and a third time after that. Fearing the worst, she stages a kind of mini intervention but Aubrey laughs at her, saying she cares way too much about her teeth to be bulimic. Yeah, because dental hygiene is the only reason not to make yourself throw up. After the fourth time, Aubrey finally admits that it happens whenever she’s nervous or stressed.
“You should have more sex.” Chloe is sitting on her bed plugging through a paper on Thucydides, really only giving half a thought to what she’s saying.
“What?”
“It’ll relax you.” She says winking at a thoroughly scandalized Aubrey. “And it’s fun.”
“Relax me? I’ll have to worry about pretending to care about people’s feelings, boring foreplay, pregnancy, and word getting around that I’m a slut.” She hisses the last word like she’s scared to say it aloud even in the privacy of Chloe’s room.
“Not really. Don’t have sex with someone you want to date, just do it.”
“With who?”
She honestly hadn’t been thinking this far ahead when she suggested Aubrey get laid, but sitting there watching her worry over who she should sleep with so she can stop worrying makes it all seem like fate.
Chloe stands up and waits for Aubrey to stop pacing and get a clue.
“What?”
Waiting for Aubrey to get a clue is about as practical as waiting for her to take a chill pill so she just grabs the lapels of her blazer and kisses her. When they break apart Aubrey has this perplexed look on her face, but she doesn’t pull away.
“Oh.”
“Well. At least with me you won’t have to worry about pregnancy.”
___
By junior year, they have a routine that consists of sex whenever Aubrey is feeling stressed out. That’s a lot of sex; midterms, finals, competitions, Homecoming weekend when her father visits, and that one time when she has to file her own taxes for the first time. After they sleep together, Aubrey’s calmer for at least a week. If she has a few good orgasms in her, Aubrey doesn’t throw up either. It seems fucked up and codependent and maybe it is. Maybe she’s being used, but she’s more than happy to let Aubrey take advantage of her if she’s using her mouth to do it. In any case, Aubrey needs Chloe just as much as Chloe wants Aubrey, so it evens out. The only time she really feels guilty is when one or both of them are dating other people.
All in all, everything goes fine until right before Nationals when they get into a fight over something stupid. It’s stupid because they usually never fight. Aubrey just says how things are going to be and Chloe either listens to her or doesn’t (nine times out of ten, she listens) She doesn’t remember what the fight was about but they don’t speak for days and even though she knows Aubrey is freaking out about her solo, Chloe refuses to be the first one to cave. Let Aubrey get off her freaking high horse and make the first step.
Predictably, she doesn’t take the first step.
Aubrey comes rushing in right before their performance looking more frazzled than Chloe’s ever seen her. She wants to ignore it, but she’s never been good at holding a grudge. Aubrey says she’s OK, but she clearly isn’t. There’s nothing much to do now but hope for the best. They’ve rehearsed this backwards and forwards. If Aubrey stays calm, she’ll kill her solo. But of course, she doesn’t.
___
That summer is filled with terse emails and one awkward Skype conversation, but autumn rolls around they (Aubrey) decide the fight is over, as is last year’s embarrassment and that they can easily take Nationals this year. Aubrey’s expectations and Aubrey’s reality are often two different things. Sometimes its tiring trying to keep her crazy in line, but its worth it when Chloe’s pressed against a wall after the activities fair while Aubrey works through her frustrations. Aubrey hasreally long fingers and she can get really frustrated.
Later that week, Chloe is regretting letting Tom convince her that sex in the freshman showers is adventurous rather than just gross when she hears the singing. She may not be militant about it, but acapella is her life. She’s just as serious about it as Aubrey. Dixie Chicks serious. Her first thought when she pulls back the curtain is - well her very first thought is nice tits - but her second thought is that Beca has a good voice. Not as good as Aubrey’s, but she might be the breath of fresh air the Bellas desperately need. When she actually turns up at the auditions, Chloe can barely contain her excitement. With her they can definitely make a go of it. There’s more than enough talent and with a little work, or rather a lot of work, they can get it together.
Aubrey doesn’t seem so optimistic. Beca has just finished her cup song and she looks about a second away from saying something inexcusably rude. Chloe digs an elbow into her side as a reminder to play nice, but she likes to think it’s the hand on her friend’s knee sliding a few inches up her thigh that really seals the deal.
___
Aubrey isn’t gay or even bi, not really. Chloe would literally die of shock if she found out she’d slept with another girl. She kind of likes being the exception, but it’s still funny how defensive Aubrey gets when people imply that they’re more than friends. They’re not, but casually fucking for two years is more than strictly friendly to most people.
The best thing is Fat Amy speculating on which of the girls is a lesbian. It’s fairly obvious and the two of them have had the exact same conversation, but Aubrey tenses up just a little. She’s always uncomfortable talking about sexuality, or sex period, even though she’s gotten much better at doingit. It’s so bad that she completely separates when they have sex and when they don’t. Her compartmentalization skills are out of this world. If she sleeps with Chloe there’s got to be a turnaround time of at least two hours before they can hang out. It’s like when you eat and then have to wait before swimming. And if they’re just hanging out, she’ll schedule an appointment so they don’t have to ruin shopping or movie night or whatever. Aubrey doesn’t realize she’s doing it, but when she asks what are you doing later? with that particular look on her face, Chloe knows she probably needs to shave her legs.
The only time they blend the friendship and the benefits is when Chloe finds out about the nodes. She can’t seem to stop crying and for once, its Aubrey telling her to calm down. Petting her hair turns into rubbing her back, which turns into slow kisses and gentle caresses. When Aubrey curls around her that night, she finds sleep more easily than expected.
___
Days later when they’re naked and panting, Aubrey rolls to her side and puts on her serious face.
“Am I out of touch, Chloe? What’s wrong with 80s girl groups? They’re timeless.” The Bellas just lost the riff-off and Aubrey is naturally still angsting about it.
“They are timeless, but that doesn’t mean you have stop in time with them.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Chloe doesn’t like where this is going.
“How many of those songs did you recognize tonight? I bet you didn’t know half the ones about sex or any of the ones from after 2005.”
Aubrey’s frowning and it looks like she’s trying really hard to form a rebuttal.
“Look, I’m just saying that sometimes you’re a little uptight about our music choices and it limits us as a group and you as our leader.”
“Oh. OK.”
Chloe knows that OK never really means OK, so she’s not surprised when Aubrey makes some silly excuse and rushes into her clothes before fairly sprinting out of her room.
___
Honestly, Aubrey keeps it together for longer than expected. She’s secretly seeing someone from the university’s counseling services and is getting better with her anxiety. It’s getting to a point where it usually only takes a few deep breaths to calm down. Chloe’s proud of her. She also likes it when Aubrey isn’t hysterical, when she’s calm and icy and more than a little bitchy. It’s sexy.
She tries gently urging her to loosen up, but the subsequent series of disastrous rehearsals just makes her panic and clench the reins even tighter. It’s making everyone tense and uncomfortable. She can feel the divide growing between Aubrey and the rest of the Bellas and there’s no longer a way to bridge it with smiles and a few well-placed jokes.
If she’s being honest, she’s always listened to Aubrey in the past, but now she isn’t so sure if she’s right this time.
With everything in chaos, it doesn’t take long before Beca hits a nerve. Chloe really doesn’t get a say in Bellas leadership, even though they were named co-captains together. She doesn’t actually want to be in charge but she wants to be heard. Aubrey is her best friend and Chloe knows she loves her, but she doesn’t listen to her. And it hurts.
___
Even with their sweaty bodies pressed together, she feels further away from Aubrey than ever. For the first time, she feels like this is something that shouldn’t be happening.
___
When it seems the Bellas are over, she thinks a lot. Maybe their “arrangement” was a little selfish of Aubrey and a little selfish of her, but it’s hurting both of them and it’s not even as fun as it used to be. Aubrey is going into a downward spiral that no amount of sex is going to fix. And that’s the point really. She was never fixing Aubrey, she was just giving her a way to not deal with her issues.The mess that is the Bellas and their friendship is partly Aubrey’s fault for being so controlling, but it’s at least as much Chloe’s for always standing down.
So she finally gets angry and Aubrey finally lets go.
___
Right before the performance at Nationals, she looks back over her shoulder before going onstage. It’s habit now to check on Aubrey, who quickly nods and smiles. For the first time, Chloe believes that she’s not just OK for the performance, but that she is going to be OK.
Their set goes perfectly and it’s the most fun she’s ever had on stage. Aubrey catches her eye again towards the middle of the song. Her hair is wild and she’s smiling and working it and is so carefree. She’s quite literally out of control, slapping Fat Amy’s ass and coming out of her jacket like a stripper for a fifty. It’s ironic because Chloe has never wanted to kiss Aubrey more than when she no longer needs it. She’s happy for her though.
When the Bellas leave the stage, Aubrey yanks her in for a bruising kiss right in front of the girls and the stage crew and a few straggling Trebles. Her tongue slides easily into Chloe’s mouth and it seems Aubrey still has a few more surprises up her sleeve.