Chapter Text
“Mizi. Come with me.” A voice said. Unknown. Unfamiliar. But it felt like she had heard it before.
She doesn’t want to follow it but what choice does she have, she lost everything and she was taken away from the place where she lost her.
Her god.
Her universe.
Her —
She blinked the tears away.
Her eyes stung. She lost count of how many times she had cried, for her, for her lies, for her death.
For being alive.
“Mizi.”
Her thoughts were a jumbled mess, everything felt wrong, and she didn’t know where to start, which pieces to pick, and which to discard.
A hand reached out to her and she slapped it away. She crossed her arms in a protective stance and glared at the person in front of her.
She remained unfazed. Then she sighed. “It’s me, Hyuna.”
That’s all she said before turning around, and she tilted her head in the path towards them. She didn’t wait for Mizi to acknowledge whether she understood, she simply walked in front.
Mizi, with nothing more to lose, followed her out of the room.
The hallway they were walking on felt endless but it was a welcome distraction. She took note of how many steps they’d taken, how many turns they did, and how dimly lit it was with the same red lights she saw flashing before her blood, redder than those lights, splattered on her cheek.
Hyuna halted to a stop and so did she. Then she turned around and looked at her, eyes moving from head to toe. Under Hyuna’s scrutiny, she silently stood glaring back at her.
“Are you ready?” Hyuna asked calmly.
She raised her eyebrow in question. Her throat was dry and her voice was hoarse from all the crying and screaming she had done.
Hyuna sighed and opened the door. She stepped inside and opened it wider. Then she gestured for Mizi to come in.
Mizi took tentative steps, wary of why Hyuna was adamant about taking her here and why her heart couldn’t remain calm as she stomped on foolish thoughts in her head.
She desperately tried to crush the hope that was beginning to bloom in her heart.
That maybe…
She took a step forward.
Perhaps maybe…
Then another.
She is also —
“You’re not the only one we managed to save.”
Mizi’s feet unconsciously moved on their own, her footsteps were heavy as Hyuna’s voice felt farther and farther away with every step she took.
She walked from the entrance towards the single bed placed in the center of the room surrounded by dozens of machines, one in particular caught her attention because it beeps faintly like a heartbeat.
A familiar heartbeat that she has grown familiar with. The same heartbeat that would bring her peace. The one that pulled her to sleep as she hid safely in her arms when meteors came falling down the sky and she was too scared to look at them.
Tears trailed down her cheeks as she finally reached her. A guttural sob escaped her lips as she finally laid her eyes on her.
There she was lying peacefully asleep on the bed, with no blood, unstained and pure, dressed in white as she always has. Her neck was wrapped in pristine white bandages, no sign of her wound opening again.
Mizi hovered her trembling hand over her nose. She shivered when she felt a faint air come across the tips of her fingertips.
She took her hand away and clutched it with the other.
Suddenly she couldn’t breathe but her mouth moved on its own. Voicelessly mouthing a name, tears streamed heavily down her face.
Sua.
Sua.
“Sua.”
She could barely say her name without choking up.
Her knees buckled, leaving her kneeling on the floor as sobs wracked her body.
Repeatedly she kept on saying her name.
Sua. Sua. Sua. Sua
She should be happy, she should feel relieved but why, why does her heart sink in despair? Why does she still feel lost when she has finally found her again?
Mizi cried for Sua, herself, and the unexplainable emotion that was keeping her from running up to the bed and cradling her in her arms.
Mizi fell on her knees beside the bed where Sua lay asleep. As she cried until she had no more tears left, her sobs slowly subsided and her tears left streaks on her cheeks. Only the faint beeping of the device monitoring Sua’s heartbeat filled the room.
She doesn’t know how long she has been on the floor, only that she didn’t fight Hyuna when she dragged her away, muttering under her breath that Mizi needs to eat something or that she’s probably dehydrated from all the crying she did.
“Sua…” She mumbled, her throat was dry and it hurt to even speak. “Sua…”
She wanted to stay. She wanted to go.
She doesn’t know what she wants anymore.
Only that she’s hurting so bad.
And that whenever she’s hurt Sua’s there to make it stop, to comfort her, to love her.
But how can she when she’s the reason Mizi is hurt?
How could she face Sua when all Mizi wanted to do was scream and shout at her for leaving her in the dark.
Does Sua not trust her the way she had an unwavering faith in her?
What else has Sua kept from her?
What other lies were there?
Was everything else a lie?
Was their love also —
Mizi blanched when she realized where her train of thought was heading.
No, anything but that. She can doubt anything but the love they shared.
Sua is not cruel, she knows that well. Despite her cold demeanor, her snarky remarks, her cute pout, and her grumpy disposition Sua is tender and loving, gentle to a fault, and easy to hurt. Sua would simply sulk and forgive her for anything she had done. Sua was patient with her, Sua who would study the subjects she found difficult just to teach her. Sua has accepted her and has never let go of her hand. That’s her Sua.
The Sua she had known her entire life. Had love more than anything else. The keeper of her heart. Her reason for living. Her everything.
Her god.
Her universe.
No. She would not lose her belief in her but she needs to know everything Sua has purposely hidden from her. She wouldn’t allow herself to be hidden away in the dark anymore. She wouldn’t leave Sua just because of what happened, she’ll need time; to find herself, to understand why she chose to act on it alone. Mizi would need time because she wanted to stay by her side. Because even if there is a brewing storm inside her there’s also the same hope that Sua has given her still blossoming and enduring like a clematis.
Slowly she stood, her legs still shaking as she gazed at Sua again.
She took her cold hand in hers, rubbing it in between her palms, hoping her warmth would reach her. Then she pressed her lips on her palm, leaving a long lingering kiss.
She gazed at her with yearning and determination.
“Sua, come back to me.”
She slowly put her hand down on the bed and squeezed it, silently hoping to see if she would react, but Sua remained still and deeply asleep.
Mizi let out a forlorn sigh then she shook her head before finally turning around and walking away from her sleeping figure.
She approached Hyuna and declared. “I want to join the rebellion.”
They’re not the only ones who deserve to get a chance to escape their fate. She remembered her two dear friends who grew up with them and would also face the same fate as they had sooner or later. After having been made aware of their harsh reality and almost losing Sua forever, Mizi could no longer go back to being the naive and ignorant girl she was before. With renewed hope, she plans to move forward and save them too with Hyuna’s help.
There was only darkness no matter where she went. She didn’t know whether she was standing still or whether she was floating in the void space. Only that it felt like it was crushing her with all its might just as an ocean would when a powerful wave crashes and there are no jellyfish tendrils to pull her to safety.
Is this what death felt like?
How did she even end up here when in her dying moments she felt content and at peace?
There was nothing else to feel because in her last moments, she truly owned her life.
She was not a human doll raised to serve as entertainment to those wretched aliens who only see them as pets and playthings.
She was Sua.
She was Mizi’s Sua.
Sua would willingly lay her own life down for love.
For Mizi, who was her solace, her heavenly garden, her paradise that she had found in a place that was supposedly hell.
Yes, she remembered her final thoughts as she fell and how the stage where they stood fulfilling their dreams was now her cradle before she fully embraced death’s arms.
She’s content with the outcome, at peace with her decision but the moment Mizi’s smile slowly disappeared and the light in her eyes dimmed as Sua fell from the impact of the bullet that went through her, the sight of Mizi in despair tugged at her heart and made it impossible for her to let go as she had intended too.
It hurt when her body made contact with the concrete; when her head thudded with a resounding noise. How her fainting heartbeat drummed louder than the shouts of the aliens celebrating her death.
Mizi…
She remembered trying to say her name.
…I’m sorry.
Instead of reassuring her with her love Sua tried apologizing for being the cause of her grief.
From being her comfort she became the very thing that would cause her hurt and would haunt her every waking moment.
Because she can’t do it.
She cannot imagine a world where she would live alone and be deprived of Mizi.
She cannot imagine the nights to come.
She simply cannot see a life without her.
Mizi is her life, her everything, her solace, her world.
Mizi doesn’t deserve to be trapped in her grief as the shadows of her death loom over her.
Sua wanted to desperately apologize for no longer being able to fulfill the role Mizi and her pure unadulterated love had asked of her. Her death was the most painful truth she tried to hide. She is simply human and to keep Mizi alive she has accepted the role of a god to keep her safe but it ends now.
Right, this is really the end of her. Of Sua, the human who played god to selfishly keep the paradise she has found within her reach.
She blinked her eyes and there was some soft light seeping through the endless waves drowning her. A myriad of colors but Sua found herself reaching out to a pink one that refracted towards her. She touched it, imagining it like the soft tendrils of a jellyfish that reached out to her when she first laid her soulless gaze on Mizi.
She reached out to it, grabbing and pulling at it with all her might.
Suddenly she came up for air and the darkness drowning her has receded into white painted walls and a pale light hovering over her head.
Sua was breathing raggedly when she opened her eyes. Her whole body was aching and sore and terribly heavy. It felt like she had been lying down for days. Her throat was parched and she couldn’t speak.
Where was she anyway?
What happened?
No.
What happened to her doesn’t matter at all.
What matters most is Mizi.
Where is Mizi?
It hurt like hell but Sua pushed herself up, her joints screamed at the exertion she was putting on them but it didn’t matter.
She noticed that there were some needles stuck in her arm, she pulled them in one go, ignoring the pain and letting her tears fall as she bit her lower lip hard to stifle her sobs.
Next, she yanked the mask over her mouth. The sudden force she’d exerted made her lean forward together with the mask she yanked away.
She coughed as she struggled to breathe. She figured out the mask was probably connected to a machine that had been helping her breathe all this time.
Sua barely registered that the door to her room opened and a blonde young man entered only to drop whatever it was that he was holding. He strode to her in panic as he saw the mess she made and began to put the mask back on her face while fretting over her bleeding arm.
She barely caught what he was saying because he was already running out of the room the moment she got her bearings back.
“Don’t move an inch!” He shouted. “I’ll be back with Hyuna!” Then he disappeared.
And came back again.
It was comical.
Paired with the seriousness of his expression.
He stared back at her, brows furrowing as if he was deciding on something. Then he shrugged. “And Mizi.”
Did he just —
Sua snapped out of her stupor and frantically looked around. Obviously, she still needs to be connected to that damn machine but if she could just move with it then it’s perfect.
Fine. I’ll drag it with me, she decided as she threw the blanket aside. Pain shot through her arms when she used them to support her body so she could twist it and swing her legs to the side of the bed.
Sua gritted her teeth, forcing herself to ignore the feeling of her body being torn apart.
Mizi.
She desperately needed to see her with her own eyes. To confirm that it’s really her and that somehow they’re both alive.
She stayed seated at the edge of the bed, she took a deep breath, readying to subject herself to more pain.
Sua stood up but she didn’t last long as her knees buckled due to her being in a stagnant state for god knows how long.
A string of curses came out of her mouth as she banged her fists out of frustration on the floor.
Sua lifted her head, calculating the short distance between where she was crouching to the door, then she turned her back and glared at the machine she was hooked on.
She doesn’t need it, not after all the rigorous breathing exercises she has been subjected to in Anakt Garden.
Sua clenched her jaw and in quick succession she removed the mask again and crawled towards the door. Her body was screaming with every movement she made, with every effort she exerted her chest tightened and she gasped for air like a fish out of water. One hand clutched her shirt hard while she used the other to help her move forward on the floor.
The sliding door opened again and she could only see a few feet in front of her, it was blurry.
“Sua!” A distressed voice shouted. It was familiar and not at the same time. She felt like she had heard it before but she couldn’t remember when.
She couldn’t comprehend what was happening beyond her and her need to see Mizi so amidst the chaos surrounding her she screamed her name.
“Mizi!” Sua desperately cried as she felt arms going around her torso, lifting her off the floor. “Mizi!”
“Mizi…”
There she was standing at the door just a few steps away from her. Mizi was wearing a black turtleneck and a green puffer vest over it. Her eyes were wide in shock and she stood frozen as the people who came with her were busy helping Sua back up to the bed.
Her love.
Her Mizi.
Life returned to Sua as if she was never at death’s door to begin with.
“Mizi!”
She stretched her hand out to her, her fingers clutching the empty air.
“Mizi!”
A weary and scared expression crossed over Mizi’s face replacing the shock she had felt at seeing Sua sprawled over the floor. Her hands quickly covered her mouth and she averted her eyes before completely turning her body away from the scene before her. The sliding door closed in a slow motion and Sua felt a punch to her gut when Mizi’s rejection finally sank in.
Her outstretched hand limply went down and she became pliant in the arms holding her back.
Tears welled up in the corner of her eyes as the pain Mizi caused along with the pain she had ignored while she was trying to get out of the room finally caught up to her.
Of course.
Mizi must hate her now.
After everything she has done.
She wouldn’t blame her if she had come to despise her now that she had discovered the lies Sua had spun and what she had done to keep her in the dark, to hide the truth from her.
Oh.
Oh.
She was always aware that this would be an outcome of her deception. She just became good at ignoring it just as she had ignored the harsh reality they’ve been living in.
Her price of playing god in their lives is the loss of Mizi forever.
That’s right. She couldn’t bear the thought of living without Mizi. This is what she had feared the most and now that it has happened Sua could only weep as she continued to call out her name.
“Mizi…”
Sua sobbed.
“It’s alright Sua,” It’s that voice again. A brown-haired woman came into her vision, her brows furrowed in concern as she put the mask back on Sua. Then she wiped the errant tears that showed no sign of stopping. “It’s alright.”
Sua cried even more when she felt being embraced by the woman before her. The warmth she exuded was similar to the embrace her sister gave her.
Her exhaustion coupled with the storm of emotions brewing inside her was all too much.
Sua soon lost consciousness and if she was fighting from the sinking darkness before she willingly let it take her this time.