Work Text:
Chapter 1
“fuckkkkkkk....”. exams are starting tomorrow and I haven't studied
Shit, and why, you may ask? It's cus I was stuck in a rut. Now if I posed this notion to my mother she would say ‘you need to keep working’, ‘it’s all in your head’, ‘world doesn't stop for you' and I love my mom but I can't switch of my emotions and keep working emotionlessly like a robot just like her. I am not her.
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder (MDD) i.e. clinical depression or like I like to call it losing the will to live and if that wasn't going to make a good enough cheese pizza next came the BBQ chicken toppings of social anxiety disorder also called SAD.. Like it’s literally says sad and there we have it, the delicious pizza of my literal life.
Bon Appétit!
Every day I feel it, I wasn’t made to be alone, but I would rather chew off my own foot than be with people who don’t want to be with me. So, walking alone from my ‘once a month’ outing,
Back to my sad, lonely apartment where I need to force myself to study something I have a minuscule interest in is all I get to do.
Sitting down on the rugged table facing the chipped paint wall with a litre cup of coffee, my laptop and stationery, I dive headfirst into the thick wall of cramming formulas that I won’t ever use in life with the profession I chose and if I do have to explain to a patient in surgery or to a kid as an English teacher about dipoles and electric field intensities I would jump out of the window and pray to whatever god is up there or if there's any at all that I be born with extreme generational wealth in my next life.
Starting to doze off with enough caffeine in my system to kill a horse is generally not a good sign so I think of taking a teeny-tiny five-minute nap and..well...we know how that ends..I fall into a sleep that can, well, be classified as a coma.
I am a heavy sleeper so when someone's screaming “wake up" at the top of their lungs. I just switch sides and pull the blanket over my head and go back to the weird dream about capybaras...Until my blanket was yanked off. I sigh and instinctively look for my glasses and then I register the sight in front of me for a whole minute and then it clicks that a pretty huge guy with an extremely hypnotic scar, covered in blood and gore is hovering over the mattress laid on the floor, that I call bed and then my heartbeat picks up cus what the fuck...and the stranger’s word doesn't do much to calm it down
“I just murdered your entire family”!!!
Well, someone's having a cheerful 3am, wait what...
“My family?" I slight quiver runs down my spine as I process the thought
“Yep!!! All lying cold and dead on your pretty pink carpet!!...now now don’t go crying cus playtime’s ov-”
“I live alone” I blurt out and my family ain t got money or care to travel so far for me. My second thought is about that pretty thrifted rug, getting stains out of that would be impossible waitt.. Back to the dead people.
“Huh?” “Then who are these people in your house?”
“There’re people in my house?”
“Well, not ANYMORE!.....Dumb bitch! You could’ve died!”
“Weren't you just going to kill me”
“And now you have said it, so I don’t wanna do it”
“What do you mean you don’t wanna do it, you have to do it now you have already got my hopes up” look I am not in to get tortured but I am extremely bored and I have an exam in five hours that I don't know shit about so you know...
The guy seems a bit weirded out but says..
“You said it , so I don’t wanna do it.... it’s like when you wanna do the dishes but than your mom tells you to do the dishes and now you would rather kill yourself than do the dishes”.
A quite pause later ..
“So, what now?”
“Well, I’ll clear the bodies and ...um... I don’t usually leave anyone alive and now since you have seen my face...”