Chapter Text
You feel like you’ve lived an awful lot for someone who hasn’t even hit eighteen yet.
Sometimes you want to throw in the towel and be like: that’s it. I’m done. I give up.
The weight of everything you’ve ever lived through sometimes encroaches on your mind, as much as you’ve tried to lock the bad thoughts away since coming to live with Shouta and Hizashi as part of their family. Right now, as you sip on your non-alcoholic, but colourful and tangy enough to make you feel cool, drink, your past crashes down on you.
Aunt Nemuri is dancing with Hizashi and Izuku. Hizashi had relinquished DJ-ing to Oboro, who’s enthusiastically sliding around all the controls, although it doesn’t seem to be doing much. Tensei and his younger brother are chatting in the corner. As for Shouta, he-
“Hey, kid,” Shouta says, setting down his glass on the table. “What’s up?”
You sigh, knowing any excuses you make for the cloud of existential dread hovering around you won’t work on the man. “It’s stupid,” you grumble instead, hoping that maybe one of his new year's resolutions is to not waste time on stupid teenage grievances.
“Tell me anyway.”
The music fades as you try to find the words.
“I dunno,” you begin. “No, I do know. That’s the problem. I feel like I know too much.”
Aizawa raises an eyebrow, though not in judgement or doubt, but more as if prompting you to continue your word vomit.
“It’s dumb, but.. Sometimes I feel like I’ve lived too much. And maybe, sometimes, I’m just done with it all. Like, not you guys, obviously, because I’m super grateful that you welcomed me into your family. I love you all, I really do, and I wish I’d ended up with you all sooner, but… It’s the other homes I’ve been with that really exhaust me, like, mentally, you know?”
You glance at him briefly to see if there’s any hint of, ‘this kid is crazy’ in his eyes. To your surprise, though it really shouldn’t be, there’s none. He puts an arm around you. You lean into his fatherly embrace as fireworks from another new year’s party a few blocks away erupt in the sky. You hope everyone else who’s partying out there is feeling better than you are right now.
“Sometimes I’m like, so tired of thinking about the others in the past, but the thoughts don’t stop, and my mind doesn’t shut up, and sometimes, I’m.. done with life in general,” your voice gives out at the end of the sentence, and you burrow further into Shouta’s side, as if he could protect you from the darkness in your own mind.
“I’m here for you, [Name]. I see you, and I love you,” Shouta says firmly. He pauses to let it sink in. “But I do have to go hero-mode on you for a bit. To do a risk assessment.”
“M’not at risk of anything,” you protest. “I’m with you.”
Still, you don’t deflect or lie when the expected interrogation begins. Sure, every bluntly phrased question hits you like a freight train, but it’s easier when you know it’s out of love.
“Have you ever had thoughts about hurting yourself?”
“Not for a long time. Not now.”
“Have you ever wanted to take your own life?”
“No, I just kind of wished I… wasn’t there.”
“Do you currently have a plan to take your life?”
“No. I’m too sleepy for that.”
Shouta chuckles at that, albeit a sad one.
“I’m sorry. I don’t wanna ruin your new years. You should go kiss ‘Zashi senseless, or something.” You begin to pull away, but he doesn’t let you get too far.
“No, [Name], you could never ruin anything,” he says. You face your foster father for the first time during this conversation. His eyes are surprisingly tender, and you think for a moment, this is what it feels like to be somebody’s child.
“You, kid, enrich my life in so many ways. The best way I could spend my New Year’s is right here, with you, knowing that you’re safe.”
“I didn’t mean to worry you, Shou,” you sniffle. “I’ll stick around for next year’s countdown, I promise.”
“Happy new year, kid,” he says.
You glance to the countdown clock right as it turns midnight, coming back to the present. In your periphery, everyone is celebrating - Hizashi hoists Izuku onto his shoulders, and Oboro pops a bottle of champagne that gushes out in a waterfall.
As the fireworks explode in the horizon, every part of the city at once, you think that maybe your family has given new year’s a new, more hopeful meaning.