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“Today is going to be a good day!”
Chihiro smiled to himself as he finished folding the massive pile of clothes. He'd said this mantra at least once every single day for the past 15 years. It had taken him a couple of years to finally say those words out loud though.
He suddenly found himself reminiscing about his friends and family. What were they doing? Were they even still alive? Was anybody still alive on the outside?
Quickly, he imagined the memories had a toolbar. He pressed the x button on each of them and they faded away.
From the cracked open door of his room, he heard a commotion going on outside. Standing up, he walked over to the doorway and peered into the hallway.
A teenager with platinum blonde hair stood in front of the room opposite Chihiro. She was frantically knocking on the door. For a split second, he didn't recognise her due to her haphazardly cut locks, but when he caught her jittery voice he knew exactly who it was.
"Ren...what have you done?" He whispered.
The door the youth was in front of opened and Byakuya appeared.
“I’ve done it!” Ren squeaked at him. “I’ve…I’ve changed! I’m no longer the person I was before! I'm not like her!”
There was a brief silence as the man glared at her, and Chihiro’s heart sank into his chest.
“Once again, you seem to have completely misinterpreted my advice.” Byakuya muttered, shaking his head.
“But…but…”
“If you’re going to keep pestering me on a daily basis, the least you could do is use basic comprehension skills. It'd perhaps make you seem a little less...psychotic.”
“I’m…I’m sorry…please don't...”
Byakuya swiftly shut the door, leaving the girl standing dumbfounded. She turned around, rubbing tears out of her eyes.
“Ren…” Chihiro sighed softly, opening the door.
She spotted him and wiped her eyes quickly.
Chihiro wanted to comfort the devastated girl, but deep down he knew it was all going to be in vain. The girl had just been rejected by her biological father yet again and in such a humiliating way. A dark cloud would hang over Ren the entire day, no matter what she was doing or where she was going.
He tried to put on his most gentle smile.
“Some of the other students said they were going to meet up in the gym, why don’t you go join them?”
Ren covered her face with her hands.
“Right, because it's not like I've already been mocked enough today, is it? What’s the point of me even leaving this room, everyone here hates me anyway.”
“You know that isn’t true.” Chihiro replied sadly.
He looked at the young woman and remembered the sweet, little girl, back when she was even smaller than he was. He could almost hear her adorable laughter again as he pictured her chasing Daiya down the halls.
Those two girls had been so close as sisters. Then one day, something changed. Ren became withdrawn and socially anxious, refusing to hang out with any of the other children.
“I know for a fact that it is! They hate me – Togami, my...my mother, all the other adults too, you…”
Chihiro felt his heart shatter into a million pieces.
“Oh no – I would never hate you!”
Warm tears begin to fall down his cheeks. Ren closed her mouth and looked away from the other. She paced over to the door, before pausing. She then walked over to him and embraced him. Chihiro took a moment to compose himself before standing back.
“When I was your age, I felt lost too. I thought I had to change to please other people, but I realised I was happy with who I was. You just…you need to learn to love yourself, Ren, for who you are."
Ren let out a frustrated sigh.
"Don't you see, there is nothing here that is worth loving. My own parents didn't want me! Maybe I should just lock myself away like she did…or maybe I should just…just disappear!”
"Now Ren..." Chihiro murmured.
"Why shouldn’t I? Then you wouldn’t have to waste your time with me!”
With that, Ren opened the door and slammed it shut behind her. Tears in his eyes, Chihiro turned back to the pile of folded clothes.
"Today is going to be...a good day..."
***
Ren began walking away quickly, her head low. She silently prayed that no one would see her, especially not like this.
"Heeey Twitchy, nice haircut!"
"What look do y'think she's going for? The psychopathic nutcase or the drugged-up serial killer?"
Wincing, she ignored the shouting voices and kept walking faster.
"Hey hey! Where are you going in such a hurry?"
"Is she hiding something from us?"
She felt two hands clamp down on her shoulders. She twisted out of their grasp and staggered away, giving them a furious glare.
"Don't you dare touch me!"
The two lanky boys jumped back, exaggerated looks of fear on their faces.
"WAAA! She's got a knife!"
"She's gonna stab us to death!"
A pair of hands pushed the twins aside. Ren felt her stomach drop as the girl with the intense red eyes swaggered towards her with a small, wry smile on her face.
"Boys!" The girl cooed playfully, flicking her black hair behind her shoulder. "Don't be so mean to poor Ren!"
Daiya paused for dramatic effect, her gaze piercing deep into the trembling blonde.
"After all,” she continued, “it's not her fault her genes are more fucked up than her hair is."
Ignoring her protests, Daiya grabbed a handful of Ren's hair.
Good God, how did you make such a fucking mess of it? Did you even use scissors or did you just tear it out like a wild animal? Ugh, it's all greasy too..."
She released Ren from her grasp and wiped her hand on her red pleated skirt in disgust.
"She probably borrowed a few pairs from you-know-who." One of the twins mused.
Daiya’s grin widened as the boys began to snicker. Ren bowed her head in embarrassment, desperately suppressing the urge to let her eyes tear up. Noticing this, Daiya tilted her head to the side, her mouth open in feigned shock.
"Oh Ren, sweetie, you do know that mental illness can be genetic, right?"
Ren looked about, trying to find a way to leave, but it was no use. The twins had planted themselves on either side of her so she couldn't escape.
"Ren, y'know, it's a little rude to not answer someone when they're talking to you." Daiya said, her voice growing annoyed as she stared at her nails. "Especially if that someone has the power to put you on toilet scrubbing duties for the rest of the month..."
"I-I was told it wouldn't affect me..." Ren murmured, fidgeting with the bottom of her blouse.
Daiya let out a laugh.
"Yeah? And who exactly told you that? Your parents?"
Ren went quiet and began blinking her eyes rapidly.
"Ohh, I think Twitchy's about to cry..." A twin said, chuckling.
"Why do you do this to me!?" Ren screamed suddenly. "Why can't you just leave me alone!?"
Her voice reverberated throughout the room. Daiya sighed in disappointment and shook a dismissive hand at the twins. They moved away from Ren and began walking towards the gym.
The red-eyed girl floated around Ren, maliciously staring her down.
"Are you gonna tell anyone about this?”
Ren shook her head.
“Good – cuz you know what’ll happen if you do.”
“You’ll get grounded.”
Daiya let out a sudden, almost manic laugh that sent a shiver down Ren’s spine.
“I’m already fuckin’ grounded. We all are, genius. This school is a goddamn prison. Surprised you didn’t realise that yourself, you little teacher’s pet.”
Her eyes narrowed. The action seemed to strengthen the sharpness of her stare.
“You might have fooled all the dumbass adults, but I know you. I know who you actually are. Oh, by the way, this whole attention-seeking thing you do with Byakuya?"
Daiya put on a sickly-sweet mocking tone.
"'Oh Daddy! Love me, please love me, Daddy!’ Yeah, it stopped being cute when you were five. Get over yourself."
She flicked her hair back and ran over to join the twins, leaving a teary Ren all alone.
***
Ren walked swiftly up the staircase. At this time of the day, the library was bound to be empty. She needed to hide away in her little sanctuary.
As she passed another floor, she stopped suddenly.
At the top of each staircase was usually a set of small ridges. However, this staircase was missing them. Instead, there appeared to be a line of something shimmery. Ren reached her hand down and touched it before recoiling.
"Cooking oil?" She wondered out loud.
Probably a terrible prank courtesy of the twins. Not thinking too much more about it, she started to ascend the next set of stairs. That was when she heard a voice from the floor below.
"No, it's okay, you keep going! I'll see you later!"
She watched as Kaito came from the direction of the gym. He flicked the white cane in his hand back and forth. The small, revolving tip at its end glided along the ground.
Ren saw the cane and recalled the stairs landing. The moment she realised what was about to happen she practically jumped down the stairs.
"KAITO STOP!"
The boy froze in his tracks and turned his head in the direction of Ren's voice. She couldn't stop her momentum and ended up crashing into him, sending them both to the ground. Luckily, they managed to avoid tumbling down the stairs and came to a stop inches away from the first step.
Ren moaned and rubbed her head.
"Ah, Ren! Well, this is quite a surprise!" Kaito said cheerfully below her, an edge of pain in his voice. "Could you, ah, could you do me a favour and just move your knees ever so slightly?"
Ren glanced down and saw that she was kneeling on his crotch.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" She gasped, pulling herself away from him.
He let out an amused laugh and sat up, rubbing his head.
"I appreciate your enthusiasm, but next time you can just ask me for a hug!"
Ren felt her face suddenly flush.
"Oh no no! It's just...the stairs...there weren't any markers on them!"
"Huh?"
Kaito sat up and used his cane to feel the edge of the stairs.
"Wow, they are gone...hah, that wouldn't have ended well for me!”
Ren gave him a look of disbelief.
You could have broken your neck!”
“Oh well, at least it would have been quick.”
He stood up and offered his hand down to Ren. Wordlessly, she took it and he pulled her up. She was surprised by how strong he was, but then she recalled that he swam practically every day, and his very strong swimmer's build probably helped.
She found that her eyes had drifted down to his bare chest. Kaito only ever wore board shorts and a towel around his neck. Until this point in time, she'd never really paid half a mind to it, but today was different. She noticed the definition in his chest and stomach she had never seen before. He looked older on his face too.
"You okay? No bumps or anything?" Kaito asked, a warm smile on his face.
Ren thanked her lucky stars that Kaito couldn't see her red cheeks.
"I'm…I'm fine..." She murmured quietly. "How about you?"
He shook his head.
"Nothing serious."
"I am really sorry..."
"Please don't be! It made my day more interesting. Plus, we haven't talked in ages! I miss hearing your voice.”
For the first time in a while, Ren found herself starting to smile a little.
Kaito reached his hand out and touched Ren's cheek. Ren started, and he pulled his hand back.
"Ah, sorry! Force of habit. You don't like being touched, do you?"
Ren nodded sheepishly. It took her a few seconds to realise Kaito had no way of knowing she had acknowledged him, so she began to quickly stammer.
"I don't mind touching, um, I just wasn't expecting it that time!"
Ren felt like she wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and die of embarrassment.
"Well, if you're ever around and you need a hug, just let me know!"
"Thanks…um, I’d really like that.”
Kaito tilted his head to the side.
"Hey, I'm heading to the cafeteria for a bit, do you want to come along? Mum's making doughnuts again! I want to get there before Daiya and the twins eat them all..."
When Kaito mentioned her tormentors, Ren felt her mouth go dry. Of course, they would be there. Of course. He was friends with them, after all. The thought of such a sweet guy like Kaito hanging around Daiya, Sid and Joey made her feel physically sick.
"O-oh, I'm already going to the library...I have to catch up on some study. Thanks anyway!"
"No problem, don't study too hard!”
He waved at her before carefully making his way down the stairs.
She watched him leave, her heart aching more than it usually did.
***
Ren curled up in an armchair and opened the dusty book. At least she could lose herself in a good story.
This novel was one she had not heard of, but from a brief look at the cover, it seemed to be a romance.
Ren had never been in love before. Since she began noticing boys she'd had a few crushes, but most of them had been brief and downright embarrassing. There was that time she began crushing on Ishimaru until she realised she only liked him because, besides Chihiro, he was the only person who gave her regular, continuous praise.
The thought of Daiya finding out about this mortified her beyond words.
Forcing herself out of these thoughts, she began reading the blurb on the back of the book.
A young woman, lost and alone, finds herself thrust into the arms of a man she thought she knew. Little did she know, there was more to him than she could ever truly understand. Beyond the Horizon is the latest masterpiece by critically acclaimed author Toko Fukuawa –
Ren hurtled the book onto the ground. It bounced once on the spine and landed on its side with a thump. She gasped for air and clutched her thumping chest. Tears began running down her cheeks.
Her sanctuary – the one place she felt any modicum of safety – had become infested with disease. The same disease that pulsed through her veins day in and day out.
Grabbing tufts of her chopped-up hair, Ren managed to utter a single, mangled scream.
***
She stood on the top of the school building, breathing in the recycled air that circulated around them. It was dark outside now – a simulated creation to replicate nighttime. The nighttime she had never seen with her own eyes.
A strange sense of peace had overcome her quite suddenly after the incident in the library. She'd gone back to her room and done a bit of writing, gathered a few supplies from the storage room and headed to the top of Hope’s Peak Academy.
In the dim light that surrounded her, she approached the apple tree and smiled at it sadly. She loved playing here as a child, climbing the branches and collecting fruit to bake into a pie. It seemed like such a fitting place to leave on a bittersweet note.
Ren squeezed the rope tightly in her hands. She'd already thought ahead and pinned her suicide note to her shirt. There was an apology to the small handful of adults who had wasted time on her and to the younger children she had often babysat. There was also a single, scathing line of guilt that she hoped would haunt Daiya for the rest of her life. Ren wished she could see Daiya’s face when she saw her lifeless body. She hoped she'd have nightmares for the rest of her life.
Ren hadn't bothered writing anything to her parents on the suicide note though, she didn't think they would care.
She climbed the tree and sat on one of the thicker branches. Once she had tied the noose to it, she grabbed the large bucket from the shed.
This is it, I'm finally doing it. It's all going to be over soon.
Feeling her legs tremble slightly, Ren turned the bucket over and stood on it. She placed her head through the noose and felt the scratchy twine dig into her neck.
"I'm doing the world a favour." She reminded herself as she balanced on the bucket.
Closing her eyes, she began to slowly rock on the balls of her feet.
She felt nothing.
She was nothing.
She was ready to die.
"Is someone there?"
Ren froze. Along the path came a gentle clacking, and she watched as Kaito came into view from behind a garden of trees.
He walked by her and stopped, cocking his head to the side. After a pause, he inhaled and exhaled slowly. An expression of confusion grew on his face.
"...Ren?"
Ren bit her lip and wobbled a little on the bucket. How had he known it was her, and of all the people to find her, why did it have to be him?
"Y-yes?"
A smile lit up the blind teenager's face and he approached her.
"I didn't know you came up here! It's good to hear your voice again!"
Kaito’s kind words started to make her cry, and his smile turned into a concerned frown.
"Are you okay? What's wrong, where are yo-"
Kaito kicked the bucket with the tip of one of his feet. Ren gasped and steadied herself on the bucket. She felt his hands grab onto her thighs.
"Huh, why are you so high up? Are you standing on something?"
She felt his hand touch her shirt and the suicide note. He gently nudged the bucket with his cane as he listened to her sob. With slow movements, he lifted it and found the slack rope dangling from the tree that connected to her neck.
His face went blank. Ren had never seen him so emotionless before.
"Were you just about to do it?" He said in a very quiet voice.
There was no way she could beat around the bush, so she answered honestly.
"Yes."
Kaito lost himself lost in thought. The entire time, he never let go of her. Finally, he opened his mouth and spoke.
"Ren, if you want to die, I won't stop you. I believe that's a choice you need to make for yourself. But...before you do it, can I just ask why?"
"I'm a burden." She muttered in a shaky voice. "I'm broken, I'm ugly, I'm useless. Nobody would care if I was dead."
Kaito paused, seeming to consider his next choice of words.
"Why do you think nobody would care if you died?"
Ren gritted her teeth, suppressing a pang of anger.
"I just know, okay?"
"I can name ten people who would."
Ren let out a dry, humourless laugh.
"Really, who care if I was dead?"
"Well, I would care, to start with.”
Kaito’s irritated tone took her by surprise. She had never heard him speak like that before. It forced her to stay silent.
“I'd miss how your laugh sounds and – and the fact that you use different perfumes every day." His voice softened and he chuckled softly. "How will I know it's Wednesday if you're not here smelling like vanilla?"
Ren felt her lip tremble. She'd had no idea he had paid such close attention to her like that.
"Fujisaki would be devastated if you died. He loves you so much Ren, he really does. So does Ishimaru, you're like one of his star pupils! No one would answer a single question in class if you weren't there. What about Haruhi and Shion? You read to them all the time! Sayaka and Leon would be at their wit's end trying to find a suitable babysitter to replace you. How many is that now? Seven? My mum worries about you all the time! If she found out something happened to you, I know she'd blame herself for not doing something about it. You know what? You're also one of the only kids here who doesn't constantly torment my dad. The other day, he told me you thought one of his stories was fascinating and it made his day. I don't even bother to do that – I just tune out! You're such a caring person and you don't even realise how much of an impact you have on those around you."
Kaito had tears running down his face from his closed eyelids. There was a deep-seated pain radiating from him – a pain that Ren knew all too well.
"That's nine people. I'm not finished yet though. If you died, you'd be letting down Future Ren!"
"Future Ren?"
His sunny smile returned.
"Future Ren, you know her right? She's the one who laughs all the time and never stays in her room all day. The one who is kind-hearted and loves herself, inside and out. The one who inspires others because despite everything she's been through, despite the pain and the loneliness and the demons in her mind, she stands tall and proud. Future Ren is a survivor, and she's begging you to not do this. Please listen to her, Ren."
That was enough for her. Ren’s legs buckled and she broke down into loud sobs. The sudden movement caused the upturned bucket to wobble underneath her, making her cry out.
"I-I want t-to get down! I want to get down!"
Kaito helped hold her as she pulled off the noose and jumped down from the bucket. He opened his arms, and she ran into them, crying against his chest. He held her tightly and said nothing.
***
They spent the night sitting in the treehouse they played in when they were kids. It was a little dilapidated from lack of use, but Ren felt safe up there with him.
"So, you come here at night a lot?" Ren asked him, her arms hugging her knees.
Kaito nodded, pressing his back up against the wall of the tree house.
"I've come up here with Dad since I was a kid. Actually, I was supposed to meet him here tonight, but he never turned up."
"Oh..."
He rubbed the side of his neck.
"This is the first night he's never shown up, which is kinda strange. He’s always here. I think it’s some sort of passing down of wisdom thing for him, but honestly I pretty much just zone out when he starts going on wild tangents. Sometimes I fall asleep, wake up and he's still going!"
Ren giggled. Kaito tilted his head to the side and let out a content sigh.
"I've missed hearing that." He said.
"Yeah,” she replied, “me too."
Kaito faced her direction.
"We should do this more often."
"That...that would be nice."
Slowly, he reached his arm around Ren's shoulders and pulled her in close.
Ren felt a strange warmth fill her body. Was it happiness? A sense of hope? Love? Perhaps a mixture of all three? No matter what it was, she never wanted it to leave.
Leaning her head against Kaito's shoulder, Ren watched the artificial night twinkle out of the window. She was more certain than ever that tomorrow was going to be a good day.