Chapter Text
When Takano stepped through the entrance of his alma meter, all his five senses were flooded and memories swallowed him like a storm of pink and white.
He was quite reluctant when his high school invited him back for their career fair. He was supposed to give a short speech and answer some questions about creativity as his line of work put him close to authors, artists, and other creators. Some students were especially interested in becoming editors too. It gave him joy to see that the book, or rather, the publishing industry wasn’t as endangered as many people claimed to be. At least, not in Japan.
He wasn’t particularly keen in reliving some of the painful memories, but if it meant keeping the publishing sector alive, he was willing to give it a try. He is a selfish person most of the time but if there is one thing he truly liked for as long as he lived, it’s books.
Quiet libraries and hardcover classics, even just the sound of leafing pages and the smell of aging paper took him to his happy place for more times that he could even remember. It was his only sanctuary before Onodera showed up in his life.
He smiled bitterly to himself. The bittersweet feeling of having such an existence in his life was so profound that he could never describe it in words.
Takano forgot his glasses so he walked through the school greeting a blurred stream of people. The principal (not his favourite person), his old language teacher (can’t believe that he is still working here), and the current librarian who claimed that she confessed to him as a student years and years ago (happily married with two kids). There were also quite a few other speakers that he couldn’t recognize as he merrily nodded and pretended to remember them back in school.
His teacher smiled at him and said, “You look so much happier right now. I guess life’s been treating you well.”
One does have to blend in to society, doesn’t it? He doesn’t have to be happy in order to smile. It’s part of the tragedy of being a grown-up.
Would that angsty and emo Saga Masamune in the past approve of him? He wasn’t sure. But he was sure that he had done his best with the hand of cards he’d been dealt.
When he was done with meet and greet, he still had plenty of time to kill. He put on his earpieces and decided to walk around the school. His favourite song lately, “Shunrai”, came up and he set it on a loop. He didn’t understand why but the lyrics were written as if the writer had Takano's story in his mind.
He walked through the spotless corridor. As he looked around, he remembered Onodera’s expression when he was looking at him instead of looking at where he was going. He bumped into the wall as he blushed in embarrassment, with eyes as green as emeralds and polished with tears. He remembered himself couldn’t stop smiling, realizing that he was, at that exact moment, falling in love for the first time. Years later, his heartbeat still echoed in his eardrums as the song played.
Since that day, a storm has made its home in my heart, and I’ve been unable to part from you.
その日から僕の胸には嵐が 住み着いたまま離れないんだ
It was a thunderbolt with blue eyes, speaking in a human voice.
人の声を借りた 蒼い眼の落雷だ
As if he was running away from a crime scene, he sped up his stride to get away from the corridor. The idea of him falling in love so hopelessly with a bright red tomato with green eyes was so ridiculous, but he couldn’t stop himself from smiling.
He made his way down the stairs, nodding and smiling to strangers. He remembered how for a few years, he could catch glances of someone following him on the staircase. A cat-looking boy with brown hair and pale skin hiding in a corner but mysteriously disappearing as he turned his head around.
So well suited to your fair skin, so pale it could just disappear.
すっと消えそうな 真っ白い肌によく似合ってました
I want so badly to know how you see the colors of the world.
あなたにはこの世界の彩りが どう見えるのか知りたくて今
“Why do you like me?” His own voice echoed in his memory, “You don’t even know me.”
“I like you…….” His first love replied, “because you are you.”
And that’s when he got to see the world through his eyes. The world that’s in iridescent colours, instead of his grayscale black and white.
He walked into the library and smiled at the familiar sight. The windows were slightly opened, curtains billowing in the wind, just like that day.
He saw his younger self turning off all the lights, locking the doors, and pressing Ritsu into a tight embrace. He even remembered the burning sensation of his need. His younger self only knew how to express love through lust. Which was ridiculous when you think about it. He was one of the most well-read students in the school, and yet, words had failed him every time when he needed them.
Things I want to ask, feelings I want to voice, I have so ridiculously many of them.
聞きたい言葉も 言いたい想いも 笑うくらい山ほどあって
And yet, when I’m in front of you, nothing comes out.
それでもあなたを前にすると 何にも出てはこないなんて
Pain burned in deep, numbness piercing my body, I realized this was a silent love
焦げ付く痛みも 刺し込む痺れも 口をつぐんだ恋とわかって
He walked between the shelves and touched the books gently. He took a deep breath and inhaled the familiar scent. One random day in his uneventful life, he helped a boy reach for a book that’s too high up on the shelf. The boy blushed and confessed to him. He replied, “Let’s go out,” just because he was bored.
And that was the beginning of a tragically comical love story.
He looked down from the windows and saw the sakura tree in full bloom. Clouds of pink rained down from the tree and formed a carpet of fallen petals in the shade.
“Everything back then felt like a shoujo manga,” Takano laughed at his sudden revelation. He felt a sudden need to stand under that tree once again, to reminisce on how Onodera used to look at him, like he couldn’t believe that they are together.
Like Takano was the only thing that matters in his life.
The deep doubts and pain and sorrow repeat, and all of a sudden it’s spring,
深い惑い痛み憂い繰り返し いつの間にか春になった
A sweet scent lingers, and clouds, and burns with love. I was deeply, deeply mesmerized.
甘い香り残し陰り恋焦がし 深く深く迷い込んだ
As he finally stood under the tree, he could smell the fragrant and hear the wind. His senses sent him back in time, as if nothing had changed.
The sky was overcast and suddenly, a streak of lightning showed up in the sky.
The lightning illuminated the tree and tricked his eyes. He could have sworn that he saw Ritsu standing under the tree, face blushing red and hot, calling him “Senpai”.
The petals fall and it’s farewell to you - so I ask, shall we dance?
花びらが散ればあなたとおさらば それなら僕と踊りませんか
The whirling flowers above came and went, the same way you did,
宙を舞う花がどうもあなたみたいで参りました
But when the middle of the next spring roll around, there was nothing but a rich sun patch,
やがてまた巡りくる春の最中 そこは豊かなひだまりでした
I wonder where the storm has gone, the one that kept me imprisoned.
身をやつしてやまない あんな嵐はどこへやら
For ten years he had waited for the storm to come back, that feeling that happened once but he couldn’t forget.
The violent love too strong and impossible to ignore. The storm that swept him up and left him hanging.
“Takano!” His teacher called out to him, “It’s almost time!”
“Coming!” he shook his head to get out of his mind. “I am so miserably in love,” he whispered to himself, smiling wryly. “I miss him so much already,” he added in his head.
As if ten years of missing him wasn’t enough. He misses him so much and sometimes even when he was right next to him, he had to touch him again and again to make sure that he wasn’t just a figment of his imagination.
He finally walked towards the school hall and sighed.
“Without my glasses I can’t read my speech,” he thought to himself, “I guess I just have to wing it.”