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Jhoanna leaned her head against the cool leather of the car seat, her phone loosely held in her hand. The screen illuminated her face in the dimly lit vehicle, but it offered no comfort—just the glaring absence of a reply. Kanina pa 'yon, she thought, her thumb hovering over the last message she sent.
To: Staku <3
Good luck on your shoot today. Let me know how it goes.
Walang sagot. Wala pa rin kahit isang "thank you" or even just a simple acknowledgment. After a moment, her fingers moved, typing out a message to Stacey. It wasn’t like her to be needy, but the silence felt unbearable.
Wala ka kanina :( pero okay lang. I miss you already. When will you be home?
She stared at the message for a few seconds, unsure if it was too much, but she pressed send anyway. The minutes passed, and she found herself waiting again, her chest tightening with every passing second.
Nakapikit siya, pero ang isip niya gising na gising. Memories of Stacey flooded her thoughts. Stacey, who used to reply within minutes, who used to call just to hear her voice, who would drop everything just to be there. Ngayon, hindi na ganoon.
The car hummed softly as it sped through the city. Outside, the lights blurred into streaks against the glass, but Jhoanna couldn’t care less. Parang may bigat na bumabalot sa dibdib niya, one she couldn’t shake off no matter how much she reasoned with herself.
“Baka busy lang siya.” That’s what she always told herself.
Stacey was a model, after all. Schedules were hectic, photoshoots ran late, and clients were demanding. Naiintindihan naman niya. But how many times could she let this slide? How many times could she make excuses for Stacey’s absence?
Last month, it had been the same story. Jhoanna had a big performance—her first major stage since deciding to go solo after the group disbanded. That night, she had searched the crowd, hoping to spot Stacey's familiar silhouette among the sea of strangers. Pero wala. And now, tonight, wala ulit.
She glanced at her phone again, her thumb instinctively unlocking it to stare at her wallpaper.
It was a photo of her and Stacey, arms wrapped around each other, both of them laughing like they didn’t have a care in the world. Jhoanna smiled faintly, a bittersweet tug at her lips.
"Jho, andito na tayo," her driver announced, pulling her out of her thoughts. She blinked, realizing they had already arrived at her condo.
Composing herself, she tucked her phone into her bag and gathered her things. She opened the car door and stepped out, the cool night air brushing against her skin.
“Thank you po,” she murmured to the staff and her manager who were waiting for her at the entrance.
“Get some rest, Jho. Ang galing mo kanina,” her manager said with a warm smile.
Jhoanna nodded, forcing a smile in return.
“Opo. Salamat po.” Her voice was soft but steady, though inside, she felt anything but.
Jhoanna sighed for the ninth time, frustrated at herself for even keeping count. Pagod siya. Pero hindi ‘yun galing sa trabaho o sa performance niya kanina. It was the emotional weight she carried, one that had been growing heavier with every ignored text, every absence, every excuse Stacey gave her.
She stared at the elevator doors in front of her, the metallic sheen reflecting the dim hallway lights. When the doors finally slid open, she stepped inside at padabog niyang pinindot ang button for the fifth floor. Para bang may kasalanan ang elevator sa nararamdaman niya ngayon.
Inside, her gaze landed on the mirrored walls. She saw her reflection, and for a moment, napapikit siya.
Ayaw niyang makita ang pagod na mukha niya—ang mga mata niyang nawalan na ng kinang, ang bibig niyang pilit nakangiti kahit wala na siyang lakas. But no matter how tightly she closed her eyes, she couldn’t escape the thoughts swirling in her head.
The soft vibration of her phone broke the silence. She glanced down at the screen and saw Stacey’s name. At last. But when she opened the message, the pang in her chest only grew sharper.
From: Staku <3
I’m sorry, baby. Busy pa sa shooting. Uuwi ako late. Kain ka na lang diyan kung nakauwi ka na. I love you. ♥️
Sorry na naman. How many times had she read that word in their conversations lately? Paulit-ulit nalang. She stared at the words, hoping they’d stir something in her, but all she felt was emptiness. Wala na bang ibang sagot si Stacey kundi ito?
Her thumb hovered over the reply button, pero wala siyang masabi. Ano pang sasabihin niya? “Okay lang”? “Ingat ka”? Para lang ulit sabihin niya sa sarili niyang naiintindihan niya, kahit ang totoo, hindi na.
With a frustrated exhale, she powered off her phone and shoved it into her bag. Ayoko muna. Hindi ko kaya ngayon.
The elevator chimed, signaling she had reached her floor. The doors slid open, and she stepped out, her heels clicking softly against the tiled hallway. Every step felt heavier than the last. She reached her door, unlocked it, and stepped inside without bothering to turn on the lights.
Hinubad niya ang sandals niya at iniwan ito sa may pinto. Normally, she would neatly line them up, pero ngayong gabi, wala siyang pake. The soft glow from the kitchen’s overhead light was the only thing illuminating the dark apartment.
She placed her bag on the couch and walked toward the fridge, opening it out of habit. Her eyes scanned the contents—may pagkain naman. May inihanda ang assistant niya kanina, pero parang lahat ng nasa harap niya ngayon ay walang lasa. She closed the fridge and leaned against the counter, staring blankly at the floor.
Wala akong gana kumain, she thought. Her mind wandered back to Stacey’s message. “I love you.” The words lingered in her head, but they felt like an echo—hollow, distant, lacking the warmth they used to carry.
Jhoanna closed her eyes, willing the tears to stay where they were.
She dragged herself to the bathroom, flipping on the light. Her reflection greeted her once more—this time, ang gulo na ng buhok niya, at ang pagod niyang mukha ay mas halata na.
With a shaky breath, she grabbed a cotton pad and her makeup remover. One swipe, then another, and soon, her face was bare. Parang nawawala rin ang maskara na ginagamit niya sa harap ng mga tao.
Turning on the shower, the sound of water cascading down was oddly soothing, drowning out the noise in her head. As she stood under the stream, she let the warmth wash away the tension in her muscles, though it did little to ease the heaviness in her chest.
After showering, she slipped into an oversized shirt and a pair of loose shorts, her damp hair falling freely over her shoulders. She walked back into the living room and sank onto the couch, her gaze falling on her powered-off phone resting on the coffee table.
The soft hum of the refrigerator was the only sound breaking the silence.
She glanced at her powered-off phone on the coffee table. Her chest tightened again, and for a second, naisip niyang buksan ito. Baka may ibang mensahe si Stacey. Pero alam niyang wala.
“Bakit ba ako umaasa?” she whispered to herself, her voice breaking the stillness.
Jhoanna sank onto the couch, her gaze fixed on the ceiling. Her mind replayed every memory she had with Stacey—ang mga tawanan nila, ang mga yakap na parang wala nang bukas, ang mga gabi na magkasama silang nangangarap. Where did it all go?
The silence around her grew heavier, matching the weight in her chest. And for the first time that night, she let a single tear fall, tracing the curve of her cheek before disappearing into the fabric of her shirt.
It was already 11 PM when Stacey finally came home. Jhoanna sat on the couch, the television on but muted, the faint glow from the screen casting shadows across her face. Her arms were crossed, her eyes fixed on nothing in particular.
Kahit narinig niyang bumukas ang pinto, hindi niya magawang lingunin si Stacey.
“Jho, bakit ang dilim?” Stacey’s voice echoed through the quiet apartment, a mix of curiosity and concern.
Jhoanna didn’t answer. She didn’t even flinch. Ang tanging naramdaman lang niya ay ang bigat sa dibdib niya na tila mas lalong bumigat sa pagkarinig ng boses ng taong iyon.
A moment passed, and she felt Stacey’s soft lips press against her cheek.
“Hey, you okay?” Stacey asked gently, her voice laced with worry.
Jhoanna nodded, her reply cold and curt. “Oo.”
There was a pause, and then Stacey murmured, “Okay.” Her tone was uncertain, almost hesitant, but she didn’t press further.
Instead, Stacey walked towards their room, the sound of her footsteps fading into the background.
From the corner of her eye, Jhoanna watched Stacey reappear minutes later, now dressed in comfortable clothes. She moved toward the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water.
“Kumain ka na, Jho?” Stacey called out, her voice light but tinged with concern.
Jhoanna sighed deeply, the kind of sigh that carried all the weight she’d been holding in.
“Wala akong gana,” she muttered, her voice low and devoid of emotion. She grabbed the remote and turned off the TV, standing abruptly.
“Don’t forget to turn off the lights kung tapos ka na,” Jhoanna said flatly, her back turned to Stacey as she headed toward the bedroom. “Matutulog na ako.”
“Jhoanna, wait,” Stacey called out, her voice sharper this time.
Jhoanna froze in her tracks but didn’t turn around. She heard Stacey’s footsteps approaching quickly, felt the tension in the air shift as Stacey stopped just behind her.
“Anong problema mo?” Stacey asked, her tone firmer now. “Kanina ka pa ganyan. Did something happen?”
“Wala,” Jhoanna replied, her voice clipped. She tried to keep walking, but Stacey reached out, her fingers wrapping around Jhoanna’s wrist.
“Jhoanna, huwag mo akong gawing tanga,” Stacey said, her grip tightening just enough to make Jhoanna stop. With a forceful tug, Stacey turned her around to face her. “Sabihin mo nga sa akin kung anong problema. Bakit ka ganyan?”
Jhoanna’s jaw clenched as she finally met Stacey’s gaze. Her eyes burned with unshed tears, her frustration simmering just beneath the surface.
“Problema? Gusto mo talaga marinig ang sagot?”
“Oo! Ano ba kasi ang nangyayari?” Stacey’s voice rose slightly, irritation creeping into her words.
“Ang nangyayari?” Jhoanna scoffed bitterly, pulling her wrist free from Stacey’s grasp. “Paulit-ulit na lang, Stacey. Lagi kang busy. Lagi kang wala. Lagi na lang ako ang umiintindi sa'yo! Pero ikaw? Kailan mo ako naiintindihan?”
Stacey’s brows furrowed, confusion mixing with her rising annoyance.
“Jhoanna, alam mong trabaho ko ’to. Hindi ko rin naman ginusto na maging ganito ka-busy—”
“Lagi na lang trabaho!” Jhoanna cut her off, her voice shaking. “Pero hindi na lang ba ako importante? Hindi mo ba naisip kahit minsan na baka kailangan kita? Na baka gusto kong nararamdaman ko pa rin na mahal mo ako?”
“Mahal kita,” Stacey said, her tone defensive but softer. “Jho, bakit mo naman kinukuwestiyon ’yan? Alam mong mahal kita—”
“Alam ko ba talaga?” Jhoanna’s voice cracked, her walls finally crumbling. “Kasi minsan, Stacey, hindi ko na maramdaman. Parang... parang wala na akong halaga sa ’yo.”
Stacey stared at her, stunned into silence. Her lips parted as if to say something, but no words came out. The weight of Jhoanna’s words hung between them, suffocating and undeniable.
Jhoanna laughed bitterly, shaking her head as she took a step back.
“Alam mo, kalimutan mo na lang. Huwag na nating pag-usapan.”
“Jhoanna, wait—” Stacey reached out, but Jhoanna had already turned away, her steps quick and resolute as she stormed off toward the bedroom.
Jhoanna didn’t even realize her tears were streaming down until her vision blurred.
Parang may kung anong mabigat na bagay ang bumabalot sa dibdib niya, pinipiga ito hanggang halos hindi na siya makahinga. Every word she’d said earlier felt like daggers aimed straight at her own heart. Pero kahit anong sakit, she had to let it out. She couldn’t keep it in anymore.
Her hand gripping the doorknob tightly and slammed the door, hoping to shut everything out—her emotions, her doubts.
But Stacey caught it.
Before Jhoanna could process anything, Stacey had already slipped inside. She grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a tight embrace.
“Baby, I’m sorry,” Stacey whispered, her voice trembling, almost breaking.
Jhoanna stiffened at the contact, her body betraying the walls she’d tried so hard to build up. Her tears came harder, louder, as if her pain was finally finding its voice. Stacey’s arms around her were both a comfort and a reminder of the ache she felt.
“Napaka-unfair mo, Staku,” Jhoanna sobbed, her voice muffled as she buried her face against Stacey’s neck. Her shoulders shook as the emotions she’d held back all night finally poured out. “Ang daya mo. Lagi na lang ganito.”
“I know, I know,” Stacey murmured, her lips brushing against Jhoanna’s temple. Her tone was filled with guilt and desperation. “I’m sorry, Jho. I’m really sorry. Huwag ka nang umiyak, please. Baby, forgive me.”
Jhoanna wanted to push her away, pero wala na siyang lakas. She felt Stacey’s hand gently cradling the back of her head, tangling in her hair, grounding her as if Stacey was afraid to let her go.
Stacey slowly pulled back just enough to look at her. Her hands cupped Jhoanna’s tear-streaked face, her thumbs wiping away the tears that seemed endless.
“Baby,” Stacey started, her voice soft but pained. “Look at me, please. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Sorry kung napaisip ka pa na kailangan mong kuwestiyonin ’yung nararamdaman ko para sa’yo. Mahal kita. Mahal na mahal kita, Jho.”
Jhoanna’s lips quivered as she met Stacey’s gaze. She wanted to believe her, pero ang sakit pa rin.
“Paano kita paniniwalaan, Stacey? Lagi ka nalang ganyan. Sabi mo babawi ka, pero paulit-ulit nalang.”
“I know I’ve failed you,” Stacey admitted, her voice cracking. “I’ve been so caught up… sa trabaho, sa mga dapat kong gawin. Pero hindi ibig sabihin no’n hindi kita mahal. I’m sorry, Jho. Give me one more chance. Babawi talaga ako this time, I promise. Just please, stop crying.”
Stacey leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to Jhoanna’s lips. It wasn’t demanding or desperate—just gentle, like she was trying to convey everything she couldn’t put into words. Then Stacey kissed her cheeks, her nose, and finally her eyes.
“I’m sorry, baby. I made you cry, and I hate myself for it.” she murmured.
Jhoanna sniffled, her voice barely audible. “I hate you.”
Stacey’s eyes softened, her voice trembling as she whispered, “I hate myself too... for making you feel this way. But I love you, Jho. Please don’t push me away.”
Jhoanna wanted to stay angry, to hold onto the pain Stacey caused, pero ang hirap. She felt herself softening as Stacey continued to hold her, to murmur words of love and apology.
“Let me make it up to you, baby,” Stacey whispered, her forehead resting against Jhoanna’s. “I know I’ve hurt you, pero please... don’t give up on us. Babawi ako, pangako ’yan.”
Jhoanna closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Her walls finally crumbling completely.
“You better, Stacey,” she muttered weakly. “Kasi kapag hindi, hindi na talaga kita mapapatawad.”
“I will,” Stacey promised, kissing her forehead. “I’ll prove it to you every single day.”
In Stacey’s arms, Jhoanna found herself hoping—just hoping—that maybe this time, things would be different.