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“Scorpius!”
He turns at the sound of his name being called across the crowded dance floor, and sees Harry Potter moving in his direction.
“Hi Mr. Potter.” He tries to match the bright smile on the other man's face but has a feeling he is failing miserably.
“Oh, you make me feel so old, call me Harry.” Harry claps him on the shoulder and then turns to look around the room. “I think Al's around here somewhere.”
Scorpius feels himself go cold, just what he needs. He has no desire to ever see Albus Potter again, but of course Albus would be here tonight. Al is Hugo's best man so he's required to attend the engagement party. Scorpius has avoided seeing him thus far, but knows his luck could run out any moment.
“I was actually just on my way out.” When Scorpius moves Harry's hand falls from his shoulder, and a slight frown appears on his face.
“Scorpius, it's probably none of my business, but did something happen between you and Al?”
“What?...No!” Scorpius says too fast making Harry step back.
“It's just that you used to be at our house all the time and we haven't seen you for ages. Albus seems...well. You're his best friend, I just thought...” Harry trails off and reaches out to clap Scorpius on the shoulder again. “Well...I'll tell him you said hello?”
Scorpius nods and watches Harry walk away to join his wife who turns around and waves at Scorpius with that same bright smile Harry had given him earlier.
He feels a sudden need to leave, now, before the evening turns into even more of a farce and he and Al actually see each other. Turning on his heel he flees the ballroom and apparates home.
In bed later that night he finally gives in to the memories flooding his mind.
Albus Potter and he had been in each others' pockets from the time they were 16 years old. They'd spent every waking hour in school together, vacationed at each others' homes, told each other everything...everything.
Now they are nothing to each other. His best friend of 10 years is now someone who hates him, and the truly sad part is that Scorpius still loves Al. Is still in love with Al. Al must have found out that Scorpius was in love with him, that seems like the only logical answer.
It wasn't as if Al had ever been bothered when Scorpius had boyfriends instead of girlfriends, but maybe finding out Scorpius is in love with him made Al uncomfortable. What does he think Scorpius is going to do?
Scorpius lies in bed trying to sleep until it becomes intolerable. Pushing back the covers he swings his legs off the side of the bed and sits in the darkness for long minutes trying to talk himself out of what he knows he's going to do anyway.
Getting down from the bed he crosses to the wardrobe, opens it, reaches into the back and pulls out a locked box. He feels disgusted with himself. He's acting like a big girl's blouse and he knows it, but can't seem to stop, just picks up the box and cradles it in his arms for a moment. He can feel the hum of warding charms against his skin and feels slightly ill. He should just put the box back and forget about everything! But he knows he can't...won't.
He returns to the bed with the box and sits cross legged and arranges the pillows against his back until they form a soft wall of support behind him. Even this stalling technique will make no difference in the end.
The wards hum louder at him as he says the incantations, then there is a click and the lid pops open. The swirl of silver catches his eyes. He raises his wand to his temple pulling more silvery strands from his head and into the bowl to spin and twist with the others. After a deep breath he plunges his head into the bowl and falls into his memories again.
**
Scorpius watches the memory of himself lean forward and put a hand on Albus' arm. He's remembers his concern, he'd never seen Al like this before.
“Al, what ever it is, it's ok. You can tell me anything, we're friends.”
Albus turned up to him and just looked at him for a long moment, before blinking and shaking his head. “I don't want to be your friend Scorpius.”
The words make the memory Scorpius rear back, he can remember how the blood started pounding in his ears, how he couldn't think of anything to say but, “Oh.”
He'd always thought this would happen, a ridiculous idea for a Potter and Malfoy to be friends in the first place after all the historical animosity between their families. But it still seemed wrong somehow, after all they've been through, to not be friends with Albus Potter anymore.
He can see Albus still talking but he can't hear a word, just the blood rushing through his own veins as he watches the distress on the face of the memory Scorpius.
He sees Albus frown and reach for him.
But he can do nothing as the memory Scorpius looks at that hand, remembers not wanting to be placated, in fact he very much had wanted to break something, everything into very small pieces and scatter them until they couldn't be put back together again! If he had stayed much longer he might have pounded his fist into Albus' face. With one last look he'd turned on the spot and apparated to the sound of Albus calling his name.
***
The scene whirls and Scorpius sees himself on his bed, curled into a foetal position. He hadn't been surprised when no more than 15 minutes later he'd heard pounding on his door. Al had pounded and yelled his name for what seemed hours, but Scorpius had just lain on his bed feeling numb. When Al had finally gone there was a tapping on his window and Albus' tawny owl Bruce was there, out on the ledge. At the time, Scorpius hadn't wanted to hear anything Albus had to say. The sincerity on Albus' face when he'd told Scorpius he didn't want to be friends had said all that needed to be said.
As he watches the memory of himself ignore the owl, he wonders if it would have helped salvage anything? Just watching the large bird settle in on the windowsill, preening and organizing it's feathers in it's usual orderly fashion makes him wince as the memory Scorpius turns away and leaves the bird to it's ritual.
He watches himself hastily gather some necessities and apparate to his parents home.
Scorpius may not be friends with Albus Potter any more but he'd known the man enough to know Albus wouldn't let anything lie, he'd want to finish it.
It had taken weeks for Albus to stop trying to contact him by owl, and even longer to stop trying to speak to him when they would see each other in public. After one particularly strained interaction complete with a stinging hex from Scorpius, Albus didn't bother him anymore. But Scorpius would still catch Al watching him from time to time. That's what confused him somethings. Why couldn't Albus let it just die? Why did he have to try so hard to end things? Didn't he know that Scorpius wouldn't bother him again, wouldn't be awkwardly trying to be his friend? There was no need to keep pressing the point.
**
Scorpius gasps as he comes out of the memories. Why did he keep doing this to himself? Why relive the pain of it over and over. He slumps back on his pillow and wipes some tears away. This is ridiculous. He isn't a child. With determination he pulls other memories from his temple and places them in the bowl too, he doesn't need to think about any of it anymore.
With a snap he closes and wards the lid; then before he can put it away he opens it again and uses his wand to extract the memories from the pensieve and put them back where they belong.
With a sigh he places the box into the back of his wardrobe, hiding it away. Until next time.
**
“No Rose. I can't.” He hadn't expected them to send Rose; he has to clench his fists to stop his hands from shaking. She's extremely good at getting what she wants out of them all, and he can not afford to give in this time.
“Scorpius, this is stupid. Hugo is one of your best mates. Of course you're going to go to his stag night.” She leans against his desk, wrinkling her freckled nose, and looking exasperated with him.
“Listen Rose, this is our busiest time of year around here, I just can't. I've already spoken with Hugo. He understands.”
At his words Rose narrows her eyes at him, “Is this because Al is the best man? Because if you need me to...”
“No, Rosie I promise, it's because of work.” It's obvious he's lying and the use of her childhood nickname doesn't help matters.
“Why won't you just tell me what's wrong? I could help you know? What could be so bad? ” She huffs out a sigh and stomps to the door, “I give up, you're both ridiculous! You have to talk to him sometime you know?”
He doesn't say anything just turns back to the paperwork on his desk, he can feel her eyes boring into him, but he ignores her until she leaves muttering under her breath the whole way. With a huge sigh that sounds more like it might be a sob he smooths his hands over the fabric on his thighs and tries to calm down.
He's exasperated with his friend's interference. Don't they understand he and Al aren't friends anymore, aren't anything anymore, at all? Every time they tried it just made things hurt more. He needs to find a way to get over this love he has for Albus Potter and move on.
**
There is no way to feign being lost as the Weasley's home isn't exactly the size of grandfather Malfoy's mansion, so no reason for Scorpius to be skulking about in the darkened upstairs hallway of his friend's family home. Well no reason other than hiding. But he isn't allowing himself to admit he's hiding. So he keeps creeping around pretending to look for the loo and buying time.
He can hear laughter downstairs. Al's boisterous belly laugh makes a sudden pain twist in Scorpius' guts, and he slumps against the wall.
He can't do this. He cannot do this. This being in the same house with Al. So near him, but farther away than he's ever felt in his life from the other man.
He should be over this all by now. It's been months, but instead of things getting easier Scorpius seems to be finding it harder and harder to hold himself together with the prospect of a life with no Albus Potter in it.
He groans and slides down the wall, crouching with knees bent up to his chest.
“Pull yourself together.” he mutters.
“Scorpius, is that you? Lumos!” There's light in the hallway and Hugo's mum is looking at him with concern. “Are you feeling alright? Do you need anything?”
She comes closer and puts a hand on his shoulder.
“No, sorry I'm fine, it was just a bit warm downstairs. I thought I'd get some air.”
She doesn't question why he'd come up stairs to get air instead of going outside, just smiles and pats him again.
“Are you sure? Do you want me to get Al for you?”
“NO!” The sharpness of his tone makes her step back. “Sorry, no, don't bother anyone, I just need a minute if that's ok?”
“Of course. Take your time.” She gives him one more tentative smile and leaves him.
When she's gone he extinguishes the light leaving him in darkness once more.
He knows his luck won't hold out, and he's right as he hears pounding coming up the stairs a few moments later.
“Mum said you were up here, what're you doing?” Rose peers at him from the top step.
“Just getting some air, got a little stuffy. Guess I'm not used to all the people.” Being an only child the first Weasley family event had completely overwhelmed him, now it was as good an excuse as any. He couldn't really say he didn't want to see Albus, even if they both knew that was the real reason.
“Yeah it can be a bit much if you're not used to it. I'm glad you could make it to the rehearsal dinner Scorpius. I was a bit...worried.” She comes over and slides down the wall to sit next to him and he can feel her looking at him.
“Of course I am here, I'm in the wedding party, Alice would murder me if I backed out at this point.” He grimaces and Rose smiles in understanding. Alice is one of the nicest people he's ever met, but she has definite ideas about how she wants her wedding.
“So...” She trails off.
“I don't really want to talk about it Rosie. I can't handle it right now. Let's just not. Okay?” He squeezes her arm.
“Ok, ok Score. We don't have to talk about it, we can just sit here and brood, in the dark, while everyone else is downstairs at the rehearsal dinner having the time of their lives and eating up all the trifle that mum made especially. But no, that's ok we'll just stay here, silently, because that's normal and not creepy at all.”
“Oi!” He turns to her grinning face and he can't help but laugh.
“But seriously though Scorpius Malfoy, mum makes that trifle like three times a year, can't I lure you back down there with trifle?” She's still smiling but he can sense her worry for him.
“Just give me a minute ok?”
She nods and they sit in silence as he tries to build up his courage for going back down into the chaos.
“Well, hello you two.” Lorcan comes up the stairs and looks into the gloom to where they are sitting. “What are you doing?”
He slides down the wall and joins them.
“Scorpius just needs a few minutes breather from that lot down there.” Rose motions to the raucous noise that is filtering up to them.
“Can feel like an attack of Wrackspurts being in that mayhem.” Lorcan smirks at them.
“Oi, what is this then? Lumos!” The hall lights up again and Hugo and Alice are there. “So this is where the party went?”
Scorpius groans. His peace is officially shattered, and he's no where near ready to face everyone. Hugo flops down onto the floor and pulls Alice down next to him, not releasing her hand even after she's sitting next to him.
“Hugo, mind Alice's robes. My brother's a complete barbarian.” Rose rolls her eyes and they all laugh, somehow the group grows to include Lysander, Augusta, and Louis. Even Hugo's dad makes a brief appearance with a dish of trifle he's apparently hiding from his wife.
They are all laughing so hard at one of Lysander's stories of his latest expedition with his mother that Scorpius doesn't even notice that Al has joined them until the other man speaks.
“Hugo, Alice, your mums want to start the rehearsal now. If you're all ready?” Al may be talking to Hugo but his eyes are staring straight at Scorpius.
“Is it too late to run away?” Hugo turns to Alice.
“Help me up.” Is Alice's reply and Hugo groans and does just that. Scorpius waits for a few moments before he follows the rest of the group as they head downstairs again.
At the bottom of the stairs, a sharp tug on his arm is completely unexpected. Before he has time to say anything Al has dragged him into the kitchen.
“Let's just wait a few, yeah?” Al is standing far too close for Scorpius' peace of mind.
“Do you really think this is the best time for this?” There is no time that will be the right time for whatever this is, Scorpius thinks. He looks down at where Al's hand is on his arm, and Al releases him and flinches back.
“No, no. You're right. This isn't the time. Sorry Score. Sorry, I just...” Al trails off and runs a hand through his hair. “Sorry.” He says again and with a curt nod he leaves the kitchen.
Scorpius leaves as soon as his part in the rehearsal is over, with the excuse that he's been called back in to to work.
**
Two days later, the day of the wedding dawning bright and beautiful does nothing to improve Scorpius' mood. He waits until the very last moment, fidgeting with his cravat in the mirror until the clock on his mantle is screaming at him that he's late. With one more deep breath he throws the floo powder and says “Penwhistle Hall” as clearly as possible.
“Scorpius! Thank Merlin! Come with me!” Rose latches onto his arm the moment he stumbles out of the floo.
“Rosie, stop. What's going on? Rosie!” He tries to pull away from her but she's got him in a death grip and is pulling him through a series of hallways.
“Hugo's lost his mind, and Alice is going to murder him if she finds out!” Rose steers him around huge standing baskets of lavender roses, and into a small antechamber. A door at the back opens and a furious Al pokes out his head.
“I'm going to kill your brother!” he says the moment he sees Rose. “Oh thank Merlin! Scorpius you're here!” Al looks at Scorpius as if he's the answer to everyone's prayers and Scorpius can feel his cheeks get hot.
Before he has time to say anything Al turns back into the room behind him, “Scorpius is here!” He says it as though it's a threat and Rose pushes Scorpius into the room and closes the door in his face.
He turns and see's Hugo sitting on the small sofa, he's in a nicely pressed set of dress robes with a small lavender bloom for a boutonniere, his hair is neatly combed, and everything looks to be normal, unless you notice the nearly empty bottle of fire whiskey in his hand, and an empty bottle of scotch on the floor next to him.
“I don't think I can do this, Score. I just...” And at those words he takes another long drink from the bottle, coughing a bit when the whiskey makes its way down his throat.
“'Course you can Hugo.” Scorpius moves in close and snatches the bottle from Hugo who makes a futile grab for it, before falling backward onto the sofa.
“Alice is perfect, look at me?” He waves one hand around drunkenly. “I don't deserve someone like her. I will ruin her life. Make her miserable.”
“Undoubtedly she could do a great deal better than you. I agree, but misguided girl that she is, she loves you, so what are we going to do?” Scorpius shrugs and takes a drink from the fire whiskey bottle before using a vanishing spell on it and the other liquor bottles in the room.
“Hey now! That was very expensive...” Hugo flops backward again. “Do you think this is the right thing Scorpius? Are we doing the right thing?”
“Hugo, you've been in love with Alice since you were children. And I didn't get dressed up in aubergine dress robes for my own health. We are getting you married, no arguments!” Scorpius turns and opens the door to a worried Al and Rose. “He's getting married! Now we just have to get him sobered up.”
Rose moves into the room and toward Hugo who seems to have passed out and is snoring quite loudly.
“Fuck! What do we do now?” Al is looking to Scorpius again and Scorpius can't seem to do anything but stare back.
“I know mum gave him a Draught of Peace this morning just in case he was anxious. I don't know what he's done with the vial though. It might at least help, if we can get him awake and on his feet.” She shifts Hugo around on the sofa searching the pockets of his dress robes. Al drags his gaze away from Scorpius and steps over to the sofa to help Rose.
“What time is it? I could floo to my god-father's potion shop and get a Sober-Up potion if we have time.” Scorpius is regretting that he had waited so long at home this morning, if he'd been here earlier he could have possibly forestalled Hugo's fall into drunken panic.
“Do you think we ought to tell Aunt Hermione, and see if she can help?” Al suggests to Rose, who rears back.
“No you idiot we are not going to tell mum about this. She's already off her head as it is. This is the last thing she needs. Score will run to Professor Snape's and retrieve a Sober-Up potion and in the between times we will try to get Hugo up and moving.”
Scorpius smiles at Rose fondly, she would have made a wonderful military general marshaling her troops! One last look at Al, who returns it with a slight smile and Scorpius runs from the room toward the floo.
“Scorpius!” He's running through the hallways and sees Roxy waving at him from a side room, which appears to have a fireplace, maybe it's on the network!
“Roxy, do you know if this one's on the floo?” He leans forward hands on knees panting out the words.
“Um, yes...there's powder in the bowl on the mantle. Why?” She's looking at him strangely.
“I'll be right back!” And before she can stop him he's already whirling around on his way to the potions shop to the sound of her calling his name.
**
After what feels like hours to his poor abused lungs from his headlong dashing about, but he hopes is no more than a few minutes he's tumbling back out of the floo at Penwhistle Hall with a vial of Sober-Up clutched in his hands.
He turns to leave the room and Roxy and Lucy move in front of him with hands on their hips, “Oh no you don't Scorpius Malfoy! We're lining up for the processional now. Lucy's been looking for Al, do you know where he is?”
“I'll go find him.” Scorpius needs to get to Hugo with the Sober-Up, but with the Weasley cousins in front of him he knows it isn't going to be that easy.
“No you'll stay here, I don't want to lose you again.” Roxy is taking her job as bride's maid seriously.
“I know where he is, well I know how to find him, I will be back in a minute. With Albus.” He is trying to sidle from the room as he talks.
“We'll go with you.” Roxy says and Scorpius has to bite off a groan. The last thing they need is for more people to see Hugo in the state he's in, but time is of the essence.
“Ok, come with me.” And they're off, running through the corridors, the girls holding their long skirts up around their knees. As they get closer to where he'd left Hugo, Rose, and Al they hear singing, drunken singing. Scorpius winces and glances over at Roxy who's got her eyebrows raised and a grimace of her own on her face. It appears the others have gotten Hugo up onto his feet.
Rounding the corner he can see the door to the antechamber and the small dressing room behind are both open.
“Hugo, love, no don't sit down. Keep walking, here we go.” Oh no, Alice's voice can be heard now, how did she find out?
“Around and around, and around. I don't feel so well. I think I need to lie down. Just for a minute. Don't leave me Alice! Are you going to leave me Alice? I love you Alice. Alice, Alice! Alice I love you.” Hugo is singing again, and he sounds horrible.
Scorpius puts on a bit more speed running full tilt as Rose comes through the door but it's late to stop so he barrels into her. They both go down in a tangle of arms and legs.
“Scorpius! You're back! Did you get it?” Rose is breathless and searching his robe pockets. He slaps away her hands as Albus appears and helps them both to their feet his hands seeming to linger a bit on Scorpius' forearm.
“Yes right here.” Scorpius peers into the room and sees Hugo being led in a circle around the room by Alice in her full bridal attire. “I have a Sober-Up, it looks like someone might need it”
“Thank Merlin!” Is all Alice says, and pushes Hugo in Scorpius' direction.
He pulls out the stopper and tips the vial to Hugo's mouth. The Sober-Up causes a slightly green mist to rise from Hugo for a moment before his eyes widen in the sharp burst of pain that comes with the instant sobriety of the potion.
Alice sits down on the sofa with her skirts puffing out around her and her hair coming down from it's wreath of pale lavender roses. “Hugo Weasley you are going to pay for ruining my wedding day. Probably every day for the rest of your life. Now go brush your teeth so I don't have to kiss that taste off your mouth and let's get married!”
Her now sober groom looks appropriately cowed while everyone else laughs.
Somehow they manage to keep the knowledge of Hugo's drunken meltdown from reaching any of the parents and though Lucy's mum rants at them all a bit for causing the ceremony to be late everything still proceeds apace.
**
Roxy is steering him around the dance floor (he'd given up trying to lead three dances ago) and making him laugh with horrible dating stories when she glides them up to where Al is standing with a cup of punch in his hands.
“Ah, here you are. Go dance with your best mate. I've had enough, I need a break.” Roxy takes the cup from Al and shoos them back to the dance floor.
They stand shuffling together for a few minutes and then Al takes Scorpius' wrist and pulls him off the dance floor and through the building until they are in a darkened corridor, where Al stops and steps back.
“I know you don't want to talk to me anymore. I wish there was a way I could take back what I said. I just needed to...need...” Al stops and shakes his head.
“Can we just not do this tonight?” Scorpius can't understand Al at all.
“You're right of course. This isn't the time. But I just...I mean I knew you probably didn't feel the same way about me that I feel about you, but I never imagined you wouldn't want to see me again. Fuck Score, I don't understand. Can we forget about it and go back to how it was?” Al looks heart broken, and nothing is making any sense.
“How can we possibly go back after what you said. I can't pretend as if I didn't hear those words. Al, I thought I knew you, but you made it very clear I didn't know you at all. I guess I don't understand what this is all about. I wouldn't think there'd be anything left to talk about, so why are you still...” He gestures between them.
“I guess I just can't let ten years go. And...oh, fuck it all. I love you too much. I know you don't want to hear that. But I can't stop.”
“WAIT! What are you talking about?”
“I know, this is not what you want to hear. I understand, and I'll try to leave you alone. I'm sorry Scorpius, just give me time yeah?” Al turns as if to walk away and Scorpius can't stop his hand from shooting out and grabbing Al's arm, stopping him, and jerking him back around.
“What the fuck is going on?” Scorpius bites out each word sharply. “You were the one that said you didn't want to be friends.”
“I know, I know...it's not your fault. It's ok, I overstepped. I shouldn't have ever said what I did. Being your friend is the best thing about my life, it's not fair for me to pressure you into returning my feelings.”
Suddenly it all makes a sick sort of sense.
“You love me? You mean you are in love with me?” Scorpius can't believe it's true.
“I sort of thought we'd established that. And that you couldn't stomach being around me because you don't feel the same. That's what happened...isn't it?” Al looks uncertain and hopeful all at once.
“For Merlin's sake we are both idiots. Just so there are no mistakes you do understand that, right? Idiots, both of us!” Scorpius feels the laughter bubble up into his throat and can't seem to stop, even when Al looks at him like he's gone mad. And maybe he has gone mad, months of pining and watching his own fucking memories in his pensieve over and over, and he still hadn't picked up on what Al meant when he'd said he didn't want to be Scorpius' friend.
“Ok, I'm confused. Are you saying we can be friends again?” Al steps in close and puts his hands on Scorpius' shoulders.
“No, Al, I don't want to be your friend.” The smile that had started on Al's face melts away.
“Oh, ok...well I'll...” but that's as far as he gets because Scorpius wraps his hands around Al's face and pulls him into a desperate kiss. It's all sharp teeth and noses getting in the way and yet it's still the most brilliant thing Scorpius has ever felt in his life.
Finally after a few minutes Al pulls back and says, “Oh.” And pulls Scorpius in again but Scorpius is laughing too hard to kiss back. He might be somewhat hysterical but he thinks he deserves a bit of hysteria after the last few months.
“So, not friends right?” Scorpius smiles at Al.
“No, you are definitely NOT my friend Scorpius Malfoy, you're...well, everything.” And this time when Al puts his arms around Scorpius they seem to melt into each other. Of course this is their life so after only a few seconds of this, they are brought back to their surroundings with a 'lumos' and an army of Weasley bride's maids laughing at them.
“It's about time you finally talked to each other. You owe me Roxy.” Rose holds out her hand, and a reluctant Roxy opens her purse and pulls out a galleon.
“It's worth it, to stop the pining.”
“I wasn't pining” Scorpius and Al say at the same time, but they both know it's not true.
They all head back to the ballroom, Scorpius and Al's fingers tangled together and a contentment in Scorpius that he's not felt in months.