Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Hey my nerf herders, what's up? Hope it's been going well for you all. So if you may recall, I left behind my original journal after joining the Ghost crew, hmmm I wonder whatever happened to it? I've been having a great time with my new team these last several weeks, can't believe it's already been over a month since I joined up with them. We had some down time after our last supply run and missions have been a little light, on our last heist one of the containers had some random goodies inside, one of the items being a notebook. I didn't think anybody would miss it, nobody would probably use it, well except for maybe Sabine to do drawings in. But what about me? I used to draw too you know, who says she's the only one with artistic talent? Plus of course my incredible way with words, I know you all agree. So I decided to take it when nobody was looking. I've been hanging onto it for a while, haven't really had any idea on what to write, plus I've been so tired with all of the missions I've been doing with my new rebel family. I feel like I finally found my place, like I'm really making a difference. I really hope my parents would be proud, that they would be happy of me and my new family. But I still miss them so much, I think about them a lot. What happened to them? Are they ok? Are they even still alive? Part of me hopes so. But no! I don't want to fill this with anything sad, this is supposed to be something fun! About my adventures and words of wisdom and maybe sharing some lessons learned along the way. Maybe one day this will be found after the Empire is defeated and it will be sold to some fancy museum? Behold! The coveted journal of legendary rebel hero Ezra Bridger! Hah, yeah. I like the sound of that. Anyway, time for dinner, I'm starving! Gotta get to the table before Zeb or else I might not be able to get seconds or thirds! Hey, I am a growing boy, am I right? Later!

Chapter Text

Oh man! You would not believe what happened today, I still can't stop laughing! Zeb was being a greedy pig, as per usual, trying to steal my food at dinner. Nu uh! Nobody steals from Ezra Bridger, especially not food! I may have tried to bite him. Good thing I didn't. If Lasat's smell is that bad, I can't imagine the taste. Gag! I wolfed down my food, Zeb tried to keep up, inhaling his own food to try and take the last of what was left before I could finish. I definitely swallowed more air than I would've liked, I felt so bloated and uncomfortable, but at least I managed to steal most of what was left before Zeb did. Only consolidation is that Zeb was as uncomfortable as I was. You don't challenge me to an eating contest and get away without a tummy ache!

Sabine was a little mortified by our display. Hera was just confused. Kanan thought it was hilarious, he tried very hard not to show it, but I could tell he was amused behind his straight face. Chopper seemed to have fun, although I think he was just hoping we would throw up. What happened next was part two of our contest, what goes in must come out right? From eating to burping! Here's how it went down.....

"Woof, I'm about ready to pop."

"I think I'm pregnant with a food baby." Zeb grumbled, rubbing his swollen stomach.

"That is just a disturbing thought." Kanan rolled his eyes, slightly amused.

"You two are horrible." Hera shook her head. "Ezra I could see being immature, but you Zeb? What are you, 40 going on 14?" Good one Hera!

"They definitely bring out the worst in each other." Sabine smirked, I feel like she was a little gratified seeing us both feeling so full and miserable. She hadn't even finished her food, saying the display made her lose her appetite. Zeb and I made sure to give her food a good home.

"I don't think I can move." Zeb flopped back against the sofa.

"I feel like an inflated balloon." I suddenly sat up, putting a hand over my mouth. "Oh no!"

"Ezra?" Hera's eyes went wide. "Are you going to throw up?"

"Would serve you right." Sabine snorted, Kanan nodded in agreement.

"I'm gonna... I think I.... I'm......" The pressure building up was too much, I could feel it swelling up my chest and stuck in my throat. I couldn't contain it anymore.... I opened my mouth and it just flew out.... BURP!!!!

"Eeeewww Ezra, gross!" Sabine waved the air in front of her face, her expression twisting in disgust.

Kanan just started laughing, "Air coming up is better than food."

"Better out the mouth than the other end." Hera whispered that comment to Kanan, but I heard it.

"Hah! Hear me roar! Bet you can't top that Zeb."

"Ohhh is that a challenge?" Zeb raised an eyebrow at me and sat up. He turned his face into a snarl, I could tell he was digging deep. He finally let out a loud BURP!!!!

"Oh stars, you guys...." Hera put a hand on her face, shaking her head. But I could see her hiding a smile, nice try Hera.

"I swear, boys can be so gross." Sabine rolled her eyes.

"Hey, what about me?" Kanan moaned. "I'm a boy and I'm not gross."

"Kanan you're not a boy." Hera shot him a smirk. "You're a man."

"Oh, am I now?" Kanan flashed her a coy grin and raised his eyebrows. Ok Kanan, now you're being gross. We continued our competition.

"You call that a belch?" I took in a deep breath, feeling my stomach gurgle as I let another one rip. BURP!!!! "I'm the king!"

"What was that?" Zeb held a hand up to his ear. "Did you hear a baby loth kit squeak?" He pounded his chest with a fist and let out another one. BURP!!!!

"Guys, you're gonna make yourself sick if you keep this up." Sabine was covering her nose and mouth. "You're gonna make ME sick if you keep this up!"

"Gotta say I feel better tho, my stomach isn't as bloated."

"Oh, does that mean you're running out of steam kid? No more hot air in there?"

"If Ezra is full of anything, it's hot air." Kanan rolled his eyes.

"Awww thanks for your support, master!" I realized later that was not encouragement.

"If you guys throw up, you better clean it up." Hera raised her hands into the air as she walked out of the room as I let out another loud BURP!!!!

"Give it up kid, you can't beat me." Zeb snorted smugly, letting out another BURP!!!! "You're right tho, I'm feeling less full. This is a good way of making room for dessert."

"Ohh, you thinking what I'm thinking?" I raised an eyebrow.

Zeb snickered back, "Ready for round two!" He jumped up and ran back into the kitchen, I was hot on his heels. We ran into the kitchen to see Hera eating some meiloorun.

"Oh no you don't, this is mine!" She pulled her plate towards herself defensively.

"But Hera, it's time for dessert!" I protested.

"Haven't you boys eaten enough?"

"We made room for more." Zeb rubbed his belly. "And besides, there's always room for dessert!" I pointed towards Zeb enthusiastically and nodded in agreement with his logic, yeah rare I know.

"No more eating contests! We need to ration our supplies, we are fighting the Empire you know."

Zeb let out a sigh, "Alright cap, you're right. Sorry kid, guess we don't get dessert before bed tonight."

"Awww....." I pouted my lip and gave Hera my best wide eyed puppy dog face, usually always helped me get away with getting anything I wanted. In this case it worked, Hera let out a defeated sigh.

"Alright. You can have one piece of fruit, but then no more! Ok?"

"Yay!" Zeb and I cheered. He picked a smaller meiloorun and I of course grabbed a jogan.

"Bet I finish mine first." Zeb turned to me.

"Oh you're on!"

"Guys...." Hera sighed and put a hand on her weary head. Zeb is exhausting, I agree.

"Ready..... GO!" Zeb started eating his fruit. I wasn't expecting him to announce the start so soon, but at least my jogan was smaller and my mouth was bigger so I knew I had a good chance. And I was right, of course.

"Ha! I win!" I announce as I stuff the last bite in my mouth.

"Ezra, sensible bites." Hera shook her head in derision. "And don't talk with your mouth full you're gonna..." She looked up at me in shock, her eyes wide as she realized she jinxed me, thanks Hera. I was choking! "Kanan!" Her scream brought my master rushing into the kitchen.

"Hang on kid!" He noticed me struggling right away and squeezed me from behind a few times until he was able to lodge the large bite of fruit free and it flew out of my mouth. "You ok?" I couldn't really talk as I tried to catch my breath, I just gave him a thumbs up.

"Hah, I win!" Zeb gave a mocking belly laugh.

"What?" I glared up at him. "Nuh uh, I finished first!"

"Nope." Zeb pointed down at the piece of jogan I had coughed up on the floor, then he opened his palms to reveal his hands were empty. "I finished first!"

"Awww come on, that doesn't count!"

"Eat that off the floor brat and I'll concede."

"Well....." I glanced down thoughtfully. Five second rule right?

"Ezra, if you eat that off the floor, I swear..." Kanan gripped my shoulder tightly.

"Do you have any idea what I ate on the streets? Come on Kanan." I could see him shudder slightly at that thought, but hey I was telling him the truth. But I didn't really wanna think about what Kanan would punish me with, so I had to forfeit. "Ugh fine...."

"Victory is mine!" Zeb raised his arms in triumph as he headed to our room.

"Maybe for dessert, but I still won the first round, and belching contest!" I chased after him.

"Oh please, I was much louder."

I only had one response to that..... BURP!!!!

That night before the standard sleeping hours, we all gathered in the common room to hang out. We didn't have a next mission set up so we didn't need to plan out our next run, so during a rare evening like that we would usually just talk and laugh and joke and tell stories. The topic that came up tonight was how everyone got their first tickets.

"I remember my first ticket. I was ten and I thought I could outsmart a couple of local security droids by sneaking into a restricted area of the compound that was sanctioned off by troopers. I ended up tripping an alarm and in my attempt to escape I got trapped in a service lift for hours until they found me!" Hera rolled her eyes at herself. "My dad was so mad at me, even worse than getting a fine was getting grounded. But my punishment was worth it, I learned how to fly a speeder that day! I would do it all over again in a heartbeat."

"That's a good one Hera, but it can't compare to my first ticket. I was a teenager and came up with the genius not so great idea to challenge the local security while my master and I were on patrol in the mid rim. One of the new officers was still a trainee and I felt like I could take him, ended up getting caught sneaking past them during a swoop race to try and steal one of the speeder decals I thought would look really cool." Kanan chuckled and shook his head. "I didn't just get a ticket, I got grounded by my master for a month! Lectured me about attachments and made me do all sorts of grueling Jedi training."

"Oh me next, me next!" Sabine jumped into the convo with her eyes sparkling mischievously. "I once got a ticket for painting graffiti on the side of Imperial cruisers back when I was in the academy. The best part? I made sure it said LOSERS in bright colors! They came after me, but I was too quick! Long story short, one of them recognized me and turned me into my professor who told on me to my parents. I didn't lose out on the ticket, but I did lose them in the chase!" She snickered proudly.

"What about you kid?" Zeb turned to me, I had been sitting and listening quietly the whole time. He laughed mockingly, "What you do, rob a candy store?"

"I uhh...." I smiled to myself but it felt more like a grimace as I looked away and rubbed the back of my head, I took in a deep breath as the memory surfaced. "Well my first ticket was when I was eight. I got caught trying to steal some expired cold medicine from a dumpster behind a pharmacy when I was sick. The store owner caught me and turned me in, the storm troopers just beat me and laughed, leaving the ticket and myself in the dirty alley." I could feel the change in the room, the air grew heavy with the weight of my words, the laughter faded, replaced by an awkward silence, and I immediately regretted sharing. "Sorry, didn't mean to bring the mood down." I desperately scrambled to change the topic. "Zeb uhh, so what's your story?"

"It's ok Ezra." Hera spoke up first, her expression softening from guilt to reassurance.

"Not every memory is pleasant, it's important to share stories, even the hard ones." Kanan chimed in, his voice firm but gentle.

"But you know what? You'll never have to worry about stealing medicine or food again. You're a part of a family now, and we will always take care of you, no matter what. Cause that's what real families do." Sabine smiled, the warmth of her words spreading inside me as they sunk in.

I felt a real smile creep upon my face this time, "Thanks guys." I looked up at them and they nodded back. I could feel the sense of belonging coming from them, it made me feel safer and stronger than I had ever felt before.

"Sooo....." Zeb spoke up, sensing the uncomfortable moment had passed, he cleverly redirected the conversation back towards fun. "Speaking of bucket heads, how many you think we've beaten up together? I know I have a few stories about knocking some down with a few well placed strikes." He admired his fist.

"Oh please." Sabine scoffed with rekindled enthusiasm. "I think I've taken out more than you. What about that time in that warehouse on Lothal? Those troopers didn't even know what hit them when my blasts sent them flying!"

I sat back and smiled, watching them laugh and playfully try to one up each other. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to see Kanan next to me, I looked up and he nodded down at me, his eyes full of confident reassurance. I felt another hand rub thru my hair, I turned to my other side and saw Hera smiling down at me, her warm eyes filled with compassion. I closed my eyes and let out a smile and a happy sigh. To some we all might be just some random rag tag group of misfits, but to me, they are my family. I finally found my place where I truly belonged. I was home.

Chapter Text

So yeah, after my 'horrible immature display' from yesterday, as Kanan called it, I was grounded and had to stay in my room to think about my behavior.... Dumb. Ok, thought about it. Now what? But better than the punishment Zeb got, he had to clean the whole kitchen! Hah, serves him right. I won and everyone knows it! But whatever. Kanan told me if I got bored that I should meditate. Hard pass! Thank goodness I have my journal. So I've been actually thinking about old memories and stuff in my down time, I mean I had nothing else better to do.

There was one time back when I was still working gimmicks at the port, scamming tourists and working as a guide to earn credits by putting on my sweet innocent little boy act. The perks of being cute, am I right? Anyway there was one time in the summer, traffic was super busy, lots of high end tourists and people of status were flowing thru the port. Working in the heat with little food and less water had been killing me and my stupid body finally succumbed to a nasty cold. Who gets sick in the summer? Really now! Well yours truly, that's who. Lovely.... if you're sick and don't work you don't get paid and don't eat. I had to push thru illness or injury all the time, easy enough to hide a cold or pass off symptoms as allergies, but when you got really bad of course people would recoil in disgust, that's when you just stick to stealing and hope that a sneeze fit doesn't give you away.

One day I was out working in the port, hanging back under the overhang in the shade to escape the sun. My asthma was super bad that day, when it's hard to breathe it's hard to work, I was literally panting like a dog, days like that I had to pace myself and go slow so I wouldn't collapse and get robbed myself while unconscious. No honor among thieves! I saw this largely built guy, an older human man, he got off with a large bag. He seemed to have a very high air around himself yet also seen somewhat gentile, no doubt would have something worth taking. I wondered what was in his bag? He seemed to be a little protective with it. He was looking around, he seemed a little lost. Tour guide Ezra to the rescue! I tidied my hair and cleared my throat and confidently marched over to the disoriented old man.

"Hey there stranger, welcome to Lothal!" My voice was a little scratchy, but this guy didn't know me, for all he knew this was how I normally sounded.

"Well, hello there young man." He smiled down at me, at least he sounded polite.

"You seem to be a little lost. Maybe I can help you out, where are you off to?"

"Oh just heading into town for a nice visit with friends." He glanced at his chrono. "I hope I won't be too late, our transport was running behind."

"I can help you out, I know all of the short cuts." I flashed a smile and a wink.

"You're a very nice young man, but I don't want to bother you."

"Not at all sir, that's what I do! See, we get a lot of tourists here, I've lived here my whole life so I can..." Suddenly my voice went out on me. I coughed a few times. "I am so sorry about that, pretty unprofessional of me." I cleared my throat to put a little more strength behind my dry voice. "Being out in this heat all day makes me pretty thirsty."

The man didn't seem to buy it, he knelt down, totally taking me by surprise. "Are you feeling alright child? You seem quite flush."

"Oh yeah, I'm totally fine, don't worry about me. Guess I didn't use enough sun block today huh?" I shrug confidently, wearing my best convincing smile. "Just been a super hot summer, I'll have to go take a break after I help you out and go get some water, that's all." Dang, my voice is sounding so strained, yeah totally believable. I had to close it, I did not wanna lose this deal!

"I don't think it's just the heat." The man seemed worried, he put his hands on my face, feeling my forehead and cheeks and pulling open my eyes.

"Uhh.... excuse me...?" I was totally taken back, ever hear of personal space dude? I did not invite you to touch me.

"You are very warm, you should not be working if you aren't feeling well." That's rich coming from you, rich guy. You think you're hungry for lunch? Try going hungry for a week! Why do you even care?

"I have to work. I lost my parents, my grandma is too old to work, I need to be able to buy food and taken care of her." My throat suddenly started stinging, I started coughing, getting the idea of maybe using this as a sympathy act. He seemed focused on my well being so may as well play into that. The man started rubbing his hands under my chin and on my neck. I was starting to go from confused to disturbed, "Uhh, sir, what are you.... what are you doing? Why are you petting me like a loth cat?" Did this creep expect me to purr for him or something? That costs extra!

He furrowed his brow thoughtfully, "I'm just feeling for any sign of swelling, you might have an infection."

"Darling?" The man and I turn upon hearing a female's voice, we see a very finely dressed older lady come over. Her eyes wide in shock, "What on the moons are you doing?"

"Oh, there you are! I was looking for you, my love." He stood up and they embraced, then he turned back to me. "This young man saw me looking a little lost while I was trying to find you and offered to help."

"Our shuttle is going to leave in a few moments, we have to hurry."

"Alright, give me one moment." The man bent down and opened his bag. I gasped, my eyes went wide and my jaw practically fell off and hit the floor. His bag was filled with medicine! "I'm sorry I can't offer you much more, I'm a retired surgeon and was asked to deliver medication and medical care on a humanitarian mission. We are only stopping here as a layover before heading out to our final destination. All I can give you this cold tablet, it might help with your symptoms. I admire your efforts to work in the heat while not feeling well, but as a medic I really advise against it. You could get much worse."

"There's the shuttle darling, we have to go." The woman tugged on her husband's arm.

"Alright, alright, I'm coming dear." He stood up and closed the bag, and they started to head off.

"Wait!" My mind was racing. I couldn't even begin to think about how much money those medicines would make if I got them all to the black market. Medicines sold there were so expensive, my brain couldn't fathom the price I could earn on that! "You shouldn't take that bag with you."

"What? Why not?" He turned back to me, good I got his attention.

"Sir, you have no idea how dangerous the streets in the city can be. There are plenty of thief's and robbers who can pick your pockets and scam you." Ahem, like yours truly. Only I'm the best! "That seems pretty important for your mission, you should really leave it behind."

"What are you suggesting, child?"

"I can watch it for you! I don't mind. Like you said, I really shouldn't be out working in this weather being sick anyway, so at least I can do something like this?"

The man gave a thoughtful look as his wife pulled his arm again, "Darling...!" She motioned towards the shuttle.

He finally sighed, "Alright young man, I'll bite. You can watch my bag for me, thank you for the offer and for the words of warning."

"My pleasure."

I gave him a bow as he left his bag with me, the two of them rushing off to the shuttle to take off. I waited for it to be gone out of sight and hurried away to go hide and inspect my haul out of sight. I opened the bag, I couldn't even breathe, it was full of medicine and medical supplies. Most of it I'd never even seen or heard of before. I could go on vacation with a score this good. Maybe take a trip to visit Moreena and her family on Alderan? After all, it's a long way to Alderan. I started coughing again, forgetting about the cold tablet he gave me. I looked down at it and suddenly felt a stabbing pain in my chest. Only this time it wasn't from the cold, it was something else. It was my conscience.... This old man had given me medicine, for free! Who does that? Nobody gives anything away, not to me anyway, especially not something as expensive as medicine. I growled to myself. This was a good person, I couldn't scam him. But why not? This was medicine he was going to give away to other people for free. Who in the galaxy does such a thing? My heart was hurting. I have never given away a score before, I never back down from a scam. But I guess there's a first time for everything.... I didn't even take the cold tablet, I put it back in the bag. I would get over this on my own just like I always do, somebody else in need could use this more than I do, somebody better and more deserving than me.

I hung out in the shade for a few hours, watching people coming and going on the port. It stung, so many heists I was just letting slip thru my fingers. And for what, that man and his bag? What is wrong with me? I was gonna go home broke today. The heat must be frying my brain or something. Finally they returned, I saw them get off the transport talking and laughing, looking full and happy after their rendezvous with their friends. A fun time in the city, must be nice. My stomach growled angrily in agreement.

"Oh, my child." The man waved at me. I stood up and walked over to meet them. "Thank you for watching my bag. And you were quite right to warn us, one of our friends ended up getting his wallet stolen, never even saw a pick pocket. Those thieves are crafty, you were right." I grimaced and gave a nod, a little jealous of the thief at the moment. "I have something for you, here." He held out a hundred credits.

"Wait, what?" My jaw dropped. Why was he paying me with such a huge reward?

"Go get some nice food for your grandmother and for yourself, you need to eat well and rest to get over your cold if you insist on continuing to work. I would offer you some lozenges if I had any, it would help your coughing. Please take care of yourself son." He placed a hand on my shoulder as he grabbed his bag and turned to go with his wife.

I was still dumbfounded, staring down at the hundred credits in my hand. By the time I finally got to my senses and turned around, they had boarded their next transport and it was taking off. I followed the doctors orders and got some nice food for myself and drank a lot of water, I hadn't eaten that well in a long time. I slept pretty good too, woke up feeling a little better the next morning. Guess he was right.

I don't know why I thought of that day while laying bored on my bunk, grounded for no reason. I think it was the first time I really did the right thing back then, back when all I did was the wrong thing. I guess there are still people like that in the universe, like that man, like my parents, and like the Ghost crew, people who go out of their way to help others, doing the right thing. I closed my eyes to rest. I hope I can become more and more like them. Make them proud, make my parents proud, make myself proud.

Chapter Text

Hey guys, sorry it's been so long since my last entry. I ended up getting super duper sick. It was crazy! Never been sick like that in my whole entire life! I was scared no lie, I felt like I was gonna die. I had this really high fever and my whole body just felt so bad, it hurt a lot and I was so tired all the time. Turns out my throat got horribly infected, it swelled up so bad I couldn't breathe or eat or even talk. Apparently I've got these things in my mouth called tonsils? Ok no that sounded dumb, ugh why did I have to say it like that? So I guess pretty much everybody's got them or whatever. Well no Lasat's don't, but wait never mind! Kanan says mine are just really big or something, wow aren't I lucky, so it makes it easier for my body to get sick really bad because my immune system is working extra hard, or something like that.... I dunno, I've never heard of them before, but he wouldn't shut up about them, so I finally just tuned him out after a while. But I ended up being sick for several weeks. We finally got back to Lothal and they were able to get me these really strong medicines so I could get better. I won't go into details, it was a pretty painful and traumatic experience that I would never ever want to relive again. Anyway, I have been pretty much in bed having crazy dreams and living an actual nightmare the whole time I was trying to rest and recover. Honestly I forgot about my journal, my bad. They decided to stay on Lothal to make sure the medicines worked and I recovered and didn't get any sort of reaction or whatever.

Today I was finally feeling a little stronger and my fever was getting a lot lower, I was bored of being stuck in bed and constantly having my face poked and prodded like some sort of lab project. Seriously, why is Kanan so rough on me? I'm already hurting, at least be gentle about it! Geez man, give me a break. Hera had Sabine buy these stupid proby sticks that they keep jamming down my throat every few hours when they inspect me. So rude. Apparently she bought them to keep on hand in case they needed them if anybody ever got sick in the future, but I'm sure she meant for them to be used just on me. Kanan joked that he's already almost used up the whole pack on me. Oh wow, ha hah, so thoughtful.... Not. Thanks Hera, next time maybe buy me something nice that I'd actually enjoy instead. You know, like a mallet to hit me upside my head with! In case you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic.

So yeah I really needed a break. I was so sick and tired of being, well, sick and tired. Ahh! I decided to sneak out and get some fresh air. You have no idea how much I missed the smell of Lothal! Don't get me wrong, I'm so beyond happy and grateful for the climate controlled environment of the ship, but something about the fresh breeze across a Lothali prairie, I took so many deep breaths almost as if it would help me try and keep the memory of its scent in my nose. You wouldn't think you would miss something like that, the air and the smell. I missed it so much. I guess it was the first time since joining the crew that I really started to feel a little home sick. Having been sick sick made me feel a lot more vulnerable and helpless and weak lately, and now coming back home it made me think a lot about my parents. I had gotten sick right before they were taken from me, so it was just an awful reminder.

It was a bad flu season that hit the city hard and of course I was not lucky enough to escape it. I had a bad fever and aches that pretty much kept me bed ridden with fatigue and hallucinations when it peaked, my lungs were so congested I couldn't breathe and was coughing so bad I couldn't speak. If I tried to eat anything it only came right back up. That's a lot to deal with when you're only 7, but thankfully I still had my parents at the time. They loved and cared for me very much, but this time I could only see them give each other worried glances of concern that I wasn't recovering. This wasn't a normal cold that bed rest and jogan juice would help. As much as they loved me they also loved Lothal, and hated the Empire, and were well known for being notoriously outspoken about it. That put them at the top of the most wanted list, and that meant the list of people who would want to help us was slim to none.

"How are you feeling baby?" Mom asked softly, rubbing my forehead with a cool rag.

"I dunno." I whispered with effort. "Everything hurts everywhere, I just feel so yucky and gross." I coughed and whined and sniffled.

Dad knelt down and rubbed his hands thru my hair and I could hear him speaking quietly, "We can't risk going to a doctor. They'd turn us in for sure. But we have to help him."

"Medicine on the black market is expensive, not sure I have anyone I can call in any favors to." I could hear mom thinking. "I can get some herbs at the marketplace, I've read about different natural remedies. Might be our only chance?"

"Home remedies might work on him with allergies and head colds, but Miri, this is a full blown flu." Dad was skeptical but I could hear the frustration from concern in his voice, it was directed more at himself than her.

"I know Eph, but it's worth a shot. It's better than nothing, than not trying."

Dad looked out the window, dusk was setting in, "It's getting late, it'll be too risky now. The troopers will be heavy on night patrol as they close up shops for the evening. Guards will be everywhere!"

"I can't just sit here and let him continue to suffer!"

"Mom. Dad. Don't worry about me, please, I'll be fine." I struggled to talk and force a smile, my chest heaving from the effort. "I don't want to be a bother...." I started to cough deeply and try to catch my breath as the fit racked my body.

"You are hardly a bother son. We just need you to rest and get better." Dad smiled sadly down at me and squeezed my shoulder. He looked up at mom with a new sense of desperation in his eyes.

"I'll be quick, I promise. It's getting dark, I can hide and sneak around the alleys. I have to do this, it's for Ezra." Mom stood up with determination.

"Please...." Dad grabbed her hand tightly. "Be careful."

"Mom, don't leave me." I reached out weakly.

"I'm only going shopping, dear. Dad will be here with you, I'll be back before you know it. Ok?" She held my hand tightly but I could feel her shaking.

"Kay."

"Come back quickly." Dad whispered.

Mom nodded and raised her hood over her head, "I'll be careful." She silently opened the door and slipped out and she was gone.

Dad sat down next to me, "Don't worry little guy. Mom knows how to be safe, where do you think you get your sneaky crafty ways?" He was trying to be light hearted but I could practically hear his heart racing with worry, for mom and for me.

I coughed harshly and whimpered from the pain, tears falling down my face, "Dad I'm scared."

"Don't be. You're our tough little Ezra, we won't let anything ever happen to you, you know that."

"I know." I sniffled. "But I'm still scared."

"It's ok to be scared. But just remember that we are here to protect you and take care of you." I could sense he was scared too.

"I'll get better, I promise." I tried to put effort behind my voice but it was a fading into a raspy croak, I just didn't wanna make them worry. I could feel myself falling into another fever delusion.

Mom returned breathless and clutching a bag with small pouch of herbs and fresh fruits and a bottle of jogan juice. "I found some things I think will help." She rushed into the kitchen to get to work, she began cutting and mixing the different dried herbs with hot water. "Here baby, try this, it should soothe your throat and help your chest so you can relax."

Dad helped me sit up as mom handed me the mug, I tried to sniff it but my nose was so stuffy I couldn't smell. I took a sip of the concoction and my face scrunched up at the bitter taste, "Ack! That's gross!" I gagged, trying to wipe the taste off my tongue.

Mom laughed slightly, "But it's good for you. That's how you know it's good medicine, if it tastes bad. Finish it up." I moaned and went back to choking down the tea.

Dad watched my with a proud smile as he rubbed my back, "You got this son, I know you can do it."

"When you're done you can have some fruit ok?" Mom's words gave me hope at getting this awful taste out of my mouth so I finished it quickly and let out a shudder of disgust, my face twisted from the bitterness. "See? That wasn't so bad!"

"Ahh! Fruit! Hurry!" I choked and that caused dad to laugh, I could tell he was feeling more relieved.

"You did well, you were very brave."

"Thanks mom."

I thankfully got the taste out of my mouth with the fruit juice. The herbal remedies she made me drink actually helped bring my fever down so I could sleep, and thank goodness I never threw it up, would've hated to have tasted it twice! Unfortunately that little trip had given my mom away, less then a week later they found us and took them and everything changed and I was alone. I felt so guilty, it was my fault they were captured and I lost my home and my family. I had a hard time dealing with the guilt for a long time, it still comes up now and then at times, like right now. Maybe that's one of the reasons I hide it when I get sick? I don't wanna be responsible for losing anyone else....

Kanan and Sabine had gone on a last minute supply run, Zeb and Hera were working on some repairs with Chopper. They figured I was doing well enough that they were getting ready to depart. I sat down on the loading ramp, admiring the open fields, silent except for the faint breeze. I didn't know when I would be able to see it again, I wanted to burn the imagine into my brain so I would always remember it when I was away. Even if most of the memories had been bad, this planet still meant so much to me, it had been my home for my whole life until the team picked me up. Coming back now made me realize how hard I had to work in order to protect all of this. The Empire was already gripping my home world tightly in its claws, if they squeezed any tighter they would destroy it, and I refused to let that happen! I owed it to my parents if nothing else to keep fighting their fight. I let out a harsh coughing fit, all that deep breathing ended up being painful on my stupid throat. After the spell ended I let out an exhausted sigh. Suddenly I heard something, an unmistakable trill, the coo of a Lothcat! I saw the tall brown ears poke up from the wafting strands of grass and twitch with curiosity.

"Hey there." My voice was a hoarse whisper. The cat jumped up onto a rock and tilted its head at me. "Yeah I must sound pretty weird huh." I laughed and let out a meow. "Meow. I kinda sound like a Lothcat right now don't I?" I coughed a few times. "Or at least a Lothcat with a fur ball." The cat let out a mew at my joke, a few other pairs of ears poked out from the grass, little cat heads popping up from the grass, making their way crawling over to me cautiously. "Don't worry guys, I'm not gonna hurt you."

I held out my hands, I closed my eyes and reached out with the Force like Kanan had taught me. It was so much easier this time around! The pack of kitties emerged and began to slink up the ramp towards where I was sitting. The one in the front sniffed my fingers and then purred happily as it rubbed its head on my hand. The others began to get some more courage and started to crawl up on my legs and rub around my body. I laughed, one of them plopped onto my lap and began to smell my face, its long whiskers tickling my cheeks. I had always loved watching Lothcats ever since I was little, there was a small family of them that lived near the tower that I would watch all the time. I would see the little kittens grow up and watch the families hunt and play together, keeping them safe from larger predators or stupid jerks wanting to try and harm them. It wasn't much, but I didn't feel so alone. It made me miss my parents, yet it also made me feel like at least I had somewhat of a little family that I was a part of.

"I think you guys are what I missed the most being away from Lothal."

I rubbed my head on the one sniffing my face and it rubbed back, making me chuckle. Funny but I was actually feeling better, feeling the warmth and love from the cuddling cats and being surrounded by their purrs, I dunno, I actually felt my body feeling more relaxed and content, they made me forget about being sick. I don't know how much time had passed, I was actually staring to feel really sleepy, probably a combination of the meds fighting the fever, the sun and fresh air, and the pile of fluffy Lothcats around me. I closed my eyes and leaned against one of the cool metal bars, starting to feel myself nodding off.

At some point Kanan and Sabine had made their way back, I didn't even hear the speeder. They saw me on the ramp with the cats, as they neared the cats all began to grow weary and ran away.

"Hey, wake up little Lothcat." I felt Kanan shaking me, his voice filled with amusement, all I could do was give a half asleep moan. "Come on, let's get you inside and back to bed, probably time for your next dose." I felt him pick me up, but I was too tired to care, and grateful I didn't have to walk all the way back to my bed.

"Hey Kanan?" I whisper, still half out of it.

"Yeah?"

"Do Lothcats have tonsils too?"

"What?" Kanan started laughing at my ridiculous delirious question. "I honestly don't know kid."

"But you know everything."

"Well, I dunno about that. I'm not a vet so I couldn't say for sure, but I doubt it."

"I could ask them next time I see one?"

"You better not try and get into a Lothcats face, that will not end well."

"But how will I know how many teeth they have?"

"Oh you'll learn real fast when all those teeth end up in your arm. Besides, do you even know how many teeth you have?"

"No."

"Then maybe you should start with that. Focus on yourself first."

"40?"

"No."

"50?"

"What are you a fyrnock?"

"38?"

"Are you just guessing numbers now?"

"39?"

"Ezra if you have 39 teeth either you're very bad at math or you really have a problem with your jaw." Kanan snorted with amusement and Sabine rolled her eyes, I could tell she was enjoying this way too much.

"I can ask a Lothcat to count their teeth and then I'll count mine." I began to rub my tongue against my teeth thoughtfully.

"Your cat like curiosity might confuse them, then they'd probably just get annoyed with you and try to scratch your face off again."

"But what happens if they get sick with a sore throat like me?"

"I dunno, maybe they just purr really hard until it goes away? Besides, most animals don't get sick like we do, their bodies are more sturdy and built differently. Lothcats focus more on survival, things like hunting, and being cute."

"Am I cute Kanan?"

Kanan shook his head as Sabine was desperatly snorting back laughter, "Yes Ezra, you're very cute."

"That's good." I yawned and closed my eyes. "You're cute too."

Sabine broke out laughing and Kanan couldn't help but chuckle, "That's just the fever talking kid. And you better stop talking too so you can rest." He laid me down and let out an exhausted but amused sigh.

"I can't believe he was taking a cat nap with a clouder of cats." Sabine giggled warmly. "Ezra always says he wants to be an inspiration, I might just have to draw that."

Not sure if she ended up ever doing it or not, if she did she never showed me. But I bet I looked good, and cute!

Chapter Text

Ugh! I crashed my speeder! Kriff I was so annoyed. Zeb joked it was cause I was distracted looking at a girl, as if there's any girl I would wanna look at other than.... Uhhh well anyway. It wasn't that bad, I got a little banged up in the accident but at least my bike wasn't totalled, it got all dinged up and the damage made it look just plain sad and pathetic. One of the dents was pretty big in the drive shaft, large enough to prevent it from steering or driving properly. I know how to do repairs well enough, but something like this would require an actual mechanic, hopefully it could be fixed and not replaced, even replacement parts can be pricey. I had been saving up my spare credits for a while, but this was really not something I wanted to spend it on. Oh well.....

So we all headed into town, we had stopped on a planet in the Hoth system, thankfully one of the non-frozen planets. It was actually pretty pleasant, the air was cool and fresh and the sun was out, not too hot and not too cold, I could see why this was the more densely populated of the system's planets. Commander Sato had us come here to scout and gain some intel, while Hera was out meeting her contact, the rest of us headed into town to look around. I was gonna look for an affordable mechanic, Sabine wanted to check out the local artwork, Zeb wanted to look for any yummy local food, and Kanan, well, he was looking out for us.

"Have you found a mechanic for your bike yet?" He asked.

"Haven't seen one yet. Just a bunch of shops."

"Not much food either." Zeb sighed sadly. "Better not be wasting our time pipsqueak."

"Hey!" I growl. "Don't call me short! I'm not small!"

"Sure ya aint." Zeb smirked and rolled his eyes. "For someone so little you've got quite a big mouth."

"You take that back!" I swiped at Zeb and he easily ducked back. "I am not little!"

"Only thing that didn't stunt in your growth is your nose, makes it so much easier for you to stick it in everyone else's business" He laughed.

"I'll kill you!" I leaped up and jumped on Zeb's back, clawing at his face and pulling on his ears.

"Ow. Owwww! Get off!" He tried in vain to reach behind himself and drag me off. Sabine just rolled her eyes with amusement and tried not to laugh.

"Hey wait, I think I see something from up here!" I jumped down and ran over towards a sigh I caught while on Zeb's back. "Looks like it says.... Dent It's office? What a funny name. Hey, I think I found a mechanic."

"Uhh, Ezra." Kanan chuckled. "That's not...."

I didn't catch Sabine nudge Kanan hard and interrupt him, "Yes Ezra, that's exactly what that say."

"Thank goodness I finally found one, let's go!" I ran and opened the door.

"Has he really no idea what a dentist is?" Zeb had grumbled.

"Nope, but he's about to find out." Sabine snickered.

"Ohh this is gonna be interesting." Kanan rolled his eyes as they followed me inside.

"Hello? Hello? Is anybody there?" I started ringing the bell button on the front desk, it buzzed but nobody was there. It was the middle of the day, no way they were closed but the lobby was empty except for some tables and chairs, obviously for people to wait on their repairs. Were they on lunch break? "Anyone here?"

"Oh hello, can I help you? Do you have an appointment?" A lady finally made her way out of a back door.

"Hi, yes please. I'm sorry no, I don't have an appointment, but I was in a little accident with my speeder and it got all dented up."

"Oh I'm so sorry to hear that, did you get hurt?"

"Ehh a little, not that bad tho. I fell on my face." I laughed jokingly but it obviously went over her head because she actually looked pretty worried at that.

"Oh my goodness! Here, let me take a look at your mouth." She reached out her hands towards me.

"What? No." I covered my face in defense, what an odd request. "Anyway, I'm trying to find somebody to help me get it fixed up."

"Understandable. Please, come right this way." The lady opened the back door and led me back. I turned to my friends and gave them a grin and a thumbs up, they were wearing very amused looks, almost looking like they were holding back laughter.

"Come on, we should really follow him and make sure he's ok." Kanan shook his head to himself, pushing Sabine and Zeb after me.

I looked around, was a nice clean place for a mechanics shop, that's either a good thing or a bad thing. The lady opened another door to a smaller room, "Please wait in here, I'll let the doctor know you're here."

"Thanks." I held back laughter, a mechanic calling himself a doctor, that's a new one! But I guess it works, he fixes injured machines. Funny office name, funny job title. It fits. There was a seat in the middle of the room so I decided to sit down, it looked relaxing. I turned to the others and smiled, "Aww you guys wanted to come back with me huh?"

"Um Ezra, do you have any idea where we are right now?" Sabine raised an eyebrow.

"Uhh yeah, it's called the dent-its office. Strange name for a repair shop, maybe it's a local reference or inside joke or something." I shrugged, Zeb rolled his eyes and Kanan just shook his head in exhausted disbelief.

"Yeah this is gonna end well..." I hear him mutter to himself.

"Come on, it's gonna be fine, I'll get a quote first to make sure he can fix it and isn't gonna rip me off, then I'll haggle him low enough that I can afford it."

"Hello everyone." The mechanic finally walked into the room. It was strange to see him wearing nice clothes and a white coat. Not a smudge on it! Weird. What kind of mechanic wears white? Maybe he's just a sales person? "So I hear you had a bit of an accident young man."

"Yeah, I was hoping you could help me get things repaired."

"Shouldn't be a problem. Just sit back and relax."

"OK cool." I leaned back into the chair and put my arms behind my head. "So yeah I have my bike out back in the alley, if you want I can show you the damage from what happened."

"Oh no, that's not needed." The man was putting gloves on, getting ready to work.

"So how much is this gonna cost me? What's your rates? Can you give me an estimate?"

"Well I can't tell you until I have a look to see what needs to be fixed or cleaned up."

I sat up, a little confused, "That's why I asked if you wanted to...." The man suddenly put his hands on my face and I froze, giving an uncomfortable grimace. "What.... what are you doing?"

"My goodness! You have amazing canines, can I see them?"

"Uhh, I'm really more of a cat person...?" OK this was getting really confusing. Even more confusing hearing Sabine and Zeb and Kanan snorting and snickering. "Uhh guys...?"

"Just lean back and let me take a look in your mouth."

"Why do you all keep saying that!? What's with you weirdos wanting to look at my mouth?" This guy was turning out to be a real creep, bad sales pitch! I was about ready to leave and find a new mechanic and give him a bad review on the holo net

"Ezra, do you know where you are right now?" Kanan finally spoke up, his voice filled with amusement, obviously at my expense.

"Yeah, I told you. The Dent Its! But this mechanic and his receptionist are acting really weird!"

"Dent its? What are you dyslexic kid?" Zeb laughed.

"No, I'm a human."

"It's not the dent-its, it's the dent-ist! What, have you never heard of them before?" He kept laughing.

"The kriff is a dentist?" I turned up my nose in confusion.

"I am." The man raised his hand.

"Huh?" I was totally lost. Don't think I ever saw any sort of dentist on Lothal.

"He's a doctor for your teeth." Sabine burst out laughing, she was practically in tears.

"Wait, a what?" I jumped up tense in my seat.

"Calm down, calm down child. You don't have to be afraid." The doctor put his hands on my shoulders to try and get me to relax.

"Don't touch me you sleemo, get away from my face!" I was starting to really get freaked out, trying to control my breathing but my shaky nerves were getting the better of me. It's no secret how much I hate doctors, but a doctor for your teeth? That was just all kinds of weird! Maybe there was one in the medical center? I wouldn't know, hadn't been in there since I was a baby.

"Just lean back and open your mouth, I'll make sure you don't have any broken teeth, I can even do a cleaning free of charge since you're a new patient."

"Hey I brush my hair and my teeth three times a day, pretty sure they're clean enough." I growl. "And I refuse to be patient with this!"

"I think you should give him some gas doc." Sabine suggested.

"Good idea." The dentist reached over and grabbed a face mask.

My jaw dropped, "You're going to make me breathe refined engine fuel? Are you trying to kill me!?"

I was mortified, were they trying to poison me? And why were they laughing at me instead of helping me? The man put the mask on my face and before I could even flinch I started to feel sleepy. I don't remember much after that, but I ended up passing out. Not sure what that creepy tooth doctor ended up doing to me after that, but I knew he couldn't do anything too messed up with Kanan in the room to protect me at least. The next thing I remember was waking up in my bunk with a bad headache, I'm not even sure how I got there. My face hurt, my mouth felt weird and my teeth and gums felt like they were vibrating after getting a punch to the face. What did that weirdo end up doing to me? I groaned as I went and sat up, rubbing my tender jaw.

"Well, well, well. Look whose finally awake?" I looked down to see Zeb laying smugly and relaxed on his bunk below me. "Rise and shine. How you feel?"

"What happened? I feel strange. What did that creep do to my face?"

"Hey, kid's awake." Zeb chuckled as he spoke into his com.

"Copy, I'm on my way." Kanan replied on the other end, moments later he came into our room. "Hey Ezra, how are you feeling?" He had the same smug smile that Zeb did.

"What happened, what did you guys let that dentist do to me? My face hurts and my mouth feels weird."

"All he did was examine your teeth. He was honestly surprised at how good they were considering you lived on the street growing up and never had medical or dental care. He was glad you did such good upkeep on them, you didn't have any cavities and your wisdom teeth haven't started to come in yet, everything was just fine." I blinked and stared blankly at him, I had no idea what he was talking about, but frankly my head felt too foggy to care. "You need to rest off the last of the sedation he used on you, make sure you drink plenty of water."

"He was pretty impressed with your extra canines too. Guess having a big mouth pays off." Zeb added with a laugh, I just shot him an un-amused frown.

"He did a cleaning on you just because he felt bad about scaring you. Surprisingly it didn't cost much, you still have plenty of credits left."

"Hang on..." I sat up as my head started to clear, gathering what was just told to me, and I frowned. "First off, you trick me into seeing this teeth doctor, you have him knock me out and mess with my mouth against my will while I'm asleep, creepy by the way, and then you make me pay for it? What the kriffin heck is wrong with you all!?" I felt pretty violated, and in more ways than one.

"Hey you went into that building on your own accord." Kanan pointed out.

"Well you could've stopped me or corrected me or something."

"You don't need to be afraid of the dentist kid, not like anything happened to you while you were out. We were all there and saw the whole thing."

"That's not the point... The worst part is I still need to find somebody to fix my speeder bike! Ugh!"

I groaned and fell back onto my bed, not sure what hurt more, my face, my wallet, or my pride. So moral of the story here folks, it's pronounced dentist not dent its. I just hope they don't think I need glasses and take me to an eye doctor next. Whoever heard of a Jedi rebel wearing glasses? All I know is that I'm never gonna make that mistake ever again.

Chapter Text

Oh man what a day..... You won't believe what happened!

So we were gonna go and raid on a black market, Vizago had given Hera a great tip on a contact he had that owed him money and was dodging him, and he wanted us to liberate some goods for him as penance. Luckily I have great experience with black markets. Ok yeah so does the rest of the crew, but again, I'm the best! As I'm about to tell you the score I pull off. Vizago had pulled me aside after briefing with the others. He had a special mission for me. There was a seller at the black market that sold tabac cigarras. The order of the broken horn had worked hard to try and get their leader to quit, but old habits died hard. He gave me some credits and told me to buy him a carton of cigarillos. He obviously didn't give me enough credits since they were very expensive, but to his credit he trusted my haggling skills. I honestly don't care if he smokes or not, that's his problem if he wants to shorten his life with those death sticks. I remember when Lothal banned recreational drugs, just made them a hotter commodity on the black market. As long as I get paid I didn't care, not my problem. Only in this case it was gonna be...

So we get to the black market and I've got plans. I was gonna find the seller and turn on my sly charm. I was gonna steal the packs and keep the credits for myself. I finally found the shop, breaking away from the rest of the crew as we split up. This was gonna work out perfectly! Ugh if only things always went my way. I approached the booth and saw the seller was a Toydarian. He looked down at me, or rather looked down on me as I walked up.

"Greetings sir." I flash a big toothy smile.

"What." He garbled, pretty much ready to brush me off. "What do you want, you little rat?"

"I believe you have something I'm interested in purchasing."

"Hah!" He spat. "I highly doubt that."

"I want to buy something very special."

"You even got any credits kid?" My snorted.

"What..." I raise an eyebrow and flash him some of my credits, not all of them tho, you never reveal your full hand.

"Hmmmm." He suddenly became interested, funny how loudly money talks. "Take a look around then." He glanced aside when another customer who looked more black markety approached the other side of his both.

"Appreciate it." I smirked as he turned away.

I spotted the long carton of cigars as soon as I had first approached him, I nonchalantly made my way over towards them. Pretty cocky of him to just leave them out like that, but he'll learn his lesson the hard way. I pretended to look around, casually grabbing or picking things up to inspect and put back down. I caught him shooting glances my way. He was too predictable and I found his rhythm quickly, pulling out a single case of cigarettes one at a time whenever he was busy and not looking. He would never expect somebody my age to be interested in something like that. Little did he know! I finally grabbed the last one, perfect timing too as he finished with the other customer.

"What, you gonna buy something or not, huh you runt?" Ugh I hate when people harp on my size.

"Yeah I wanna buy this." I held up a metal figurine of a tooka, it was painted purple and had lots of random splashes of color on it. Purrfect for an artist I knew. Get it? Purrrrrr-fect? Hah! I know, I'm hilarious. I hoped to save it and surprise her with it. "How much?"

"This hunk of junk? Please I'm sure you don't even have enough credit for something this shotty."

"Can't be that bad if you have it for sale." I smirk at him.

He hems and haws and rubs his chin, "A hundred credits then."

I belt out laughing, kneeling over at the waist for effect. "Are you mad!?"

"Hey, that's a quality art piece."

"You just called it a hunk of junk. By the look of it, you've had this gathering dust for cycles. But if you don't wanna part with it...." I drop it and turned to go.

"Wait, wait, wait, hang on..." He reached out and I stopped, smirking to myself as he rubbed his face. "Fine I can unload it for 50 then."

"Ehhh...." I pick it up and look at it once more. "You know, now that I REALLY look at it, you're right. It's got dings and covered in scratched, the pain job is fading. Think I'm gonna get my girl something better." I shrug and turn to go, waving a hand off casually. "Thanks anyway."

"No, no, don't go." He let out a defeated sigh. "40 then, but I can't go any lower."

"Alright..."' I let out a sigh, getting bored of this game already. I turned around with a victorious grin. "Deal!" I slap down the credits and take the tooka, the shop keeper groaning with dismay. I walk away happy, stolen smokes, extra credits, and a gift for Sabine. What a great day! Or so I thought....

I met up with the others, they had success too. We loaded up the Ghost and headed back to meet up with Vizago and get our reward. I sat on the floor in the room I shared with Zeb and began to empty my backpack. I hid away my credits and took out the tooka, carefully wrapping it up and putting it away in my drawer. I was gonna save it for a special occasion to surprise Sabine. I really hope she'd like it! I was so happy with how things had played out and I came ahead. I pulled out one of the cases of cigarillos and looked at it, twisting my face as I sniff it and recoil. So gross! How did people enjoy this slimy dung? Felt like I was gonna have an asthma attack just from the smell alone. I never thought I'd find anything worse than Lasat scent but I think I just did. Suddenly the door opened and totally took me by surprise, I looked up to see Kanan walk in.

"Hey Ezra, have you..." He froze. His face turned to stone and his voice into a growl. "What is that?"

"Huh?" I blinked back in confusion.

Kanan began to huff, "What the kriff, are you holding, in your hand!"

"O-oh... You mean this?" I swallowed hard, I could tell this was gonna be trouble so I figured I would tell the truth. "Well you see uhh, what happened was....." Why couldn't I speak? Why did I feel so nervous? My voice was shaking from the fury of Kanan's Force energy.

"Ezra kriffing Bridger, are you smoking!?"

"What? No. No! I'm just holding onto it for someone I swear!" I jumped up and hold out my hands in defense.

"Kanan, did you just say Ezra was smoking!?" Hera shoved her way into the room and looked down at me holding the case.

"Uhhh..... Eh heh!" I hid it behind my back and began to back up. Double kriff! I was screwed now.

"You are in so much trouble Ezra Bridger!" She yelled, I've never heard her raise her voice like that but I was scared. What was it about somebody shouting your full name that just shoots fear into you?

"What are we going to do? We need to punish him." Kanan turned with a frown to Hera.

"Ezra you know how unhealthy these death sticks are. With your weakened immune system do you really think this is a good idea for you?"

"Wait, is that why your immune system is so messed up? You've been smoking this whole time!?" Kanan yelled at me.

"No! No I don't smoke! I've never smoked, I swear!" I threw the carton down and backed away.

"You're coming with me!" Hera walked over and grabbed a big handful of my hair and painfully dragged me away, taking me to the refresher. "I am going to wash your mouth out with soap!"

"Wait what?" I looked around frantically, but Kanan blocked the exit and shut the door behind him. "No guys, please, I swear, they aren't mine!" I tried to back up but there was no way to go. I was so scared.

Hera picked up a bar of soap, "Get your face back over here." Her tone terrified me.

Kanan held out a hand but it wasn't to stop her, it was to stop me, from moving, "Just get your punishment over like a man Ezra, because you obviously think you're so grown up by smoking."

I tried to move but couldn't, "I promise they aren't-" I can finish defending myself as Hera rams the bar of soap into my mouth. Struggle as I might I can't fight it as the suds start to choke their way down my throat. So gross! How can something that smells so nice taste so bad?

"You are going to wash that horrible habit right out of your mouth!" Hera began to jam the bar around my mouth, it was getting stuck in my teeth and she practically shoved it down my throat, I tried to cough and gag for air from the horrible taste as the suds started foaming out of my mouth like I was a rabid mutt. "Ok Kanan you can let him go." At her command I felt him release his hold on me and I fell and freed my face of her hand full of soap. I started crying, throwing up soapy drool all over the floor. "Good thing you're making a mess everywhere with soap, because you're going to clean the whole refresher, with your toothbrush!"

"Wait, not yet." Kanan held up a hand, I glanced up desperately trembling as he frowned sternly down at me. "You've got one other punishment to do first." The Ghost had arrived back to meet up with Vizago, and Hera and Kanan took me outside. Kanan held up the case of cigarettes, "You are going to smoke this whole pack."

"What? No way! That's disgusting! Are you trying to kill me?"

"Why do you care, you've been killing yourself with these all along." He threw the box at me and then threw me a lighter. "I'm going to stand here and watch you and make sure you finish every last one."

"No! Hera, please..." I turned desperately to her, my voice cracking in shere terror.

"I have to go meet with Vizago." She calmly turned and walked away. No, Hera don't go!

"Better start lighting up kid. We're gonna be here a while." Kanan folded his arms and sat down on a boulder to watch me.

Now guys, I'm really not proud of this moment, but as you can read I really had no choice. I didn't like smoking, I've never smoked and never had any desire to! It was disgusting, not to mention expensive. Kriff, Vizago was gonna kill me. My fingers trembled as I tried to open the box. I took out one of the little cigarillos and took a whiff, covering my mouth from the smell, nearly throwing up more soapy vomit. I wish I could tell you that I got out of the situation with my quick wit and classic Ezra charm, but my tricks were no match against a pissed off Jedi. I swallowed hard and lit up the end of the first one. I took a small inhale into my mouth and immediately started coughing and choking from the horrific taste. I could feel my throat closing up trying to prevent the noxious fumes from going into my chest. Holy kriff how could these things taste worse than they smelled? How did people like this stuff? The smell burned the inside of my sinus worse than Lasat sweat. The taste stung layers of flesh off my my throat like I swallowed boiling lava, my lungs screamed like I was drowning on dry land. Legit I felt like I was losing 8 of my 9 loth lives all at once. Sorry, local joke. I fell to my hands and knees and started crying and gasping for air. Kanan growled with frustration and stomped over to me, picking me up by the back of my collar and shoving the damn death stick back in my mouth.

"Kanan please!" I sobbed, struggling to speak as my body trembled.

"Nope! Come on you little dumbass, this is only the first one!"

"Hey, what are you doing with my tabac? I didn't pay you to smoke them you little punk!" Ahh Vizago to the rescue, thank the Force! He was not happy but I didn't care, I was happy. I was so relieved.

Kanan flinched and turned to him, "Your tabac? These cigars are yours?" He turned back to me and gasped, dropping me to the ground. "Oh no!" He bent down and held only my shoulders as I coughed for air from that disgusting taste that felt permanently imbedded on the back of my tongue. "Ezra! I'm so, so sorry I didn't believe you, ugh I should've known better that you would never smoke." I was so relieved to be validated that I actually started bawling, yeah I admit it. Hey you would cry too if that happened to you!

"Give my those!" Vizago grabbed the box. "Where are the rest?"

"In.... In the ship." I wheezed.

"Ugh, no honor among thieves. This is why I hate working with children. I'm going to speak to your captain about this!" Vizago walked off in displeasure. Good, tell her!

"Ezra." Kanan hugged me tightly, my body was still trembling from the effect of the tabac in my system. "I'm so sorry I put you thru that. I understand if you can't forgive me, what I did was unforgivable."

"No." My voice is a whisper, it hurts. "I probably would've freaked out and done the same thing if I saw a kid smoking." I tried to give him a weak smile, groaning with painful nausea.

"I'll make it up to you I promise." Kanan began to rub my back, using his Force energy to try and help purify the toxins he forced me to put in my body. It felt nice.

"Ezra!" Hera came rushing over. "Oh Ezra I'm so sorry, Vizago just told me what happened. I should've known you better than that Ezra, you would never smoke." She fell to her knees and hugged me from behind. "I can't believe I did that to you. I'm so sorry."

"You choked him with soap, I choked him with cigarettes. If anyone did worse it's me." I smiled to myself with a bit of amusement at them trying to see who felt worse over hurting and not trusting me. I could tell how sorry they were. But they were horrible to me, I couldn't be so easy to forgive. "How can we make it up to you Ezra, please tell us."

"Well....." Kinda hard to think on the spot, but I'll give it a shot. "Hera how about you make me my favorite foods for dinner, help me get this awful taste of soap and tabac out of my mouth. And Kanan you have to clean up the refresher. Just please, don't use my toothbrush. "

"Sounds fair." Kanan chuckled.

So Hera made me all my favorite foods for dinner and Kanan ended up cleaning the refresher for me, at least I had gotten it started for him with all that soap spit. I made sure to tell Zeb to give it a good once over first. But dinner was great! And let me tell you, after tasting soap and cigarettes, that food was like the best tasting thing I had ever put in my mouth! So please kids, don't smoke, not ever! That's top quality advice from legendary rebel hero Ezra Bridger.

Chapter Text

Guys, I know I said there wouldn't be anything sad in this journal, so I'm sorry but, I feel like this is something important that happened that I have to share.

So we were out on a supply run and got away with our cargo containers, when we got back into the Ghost to open and inspect the contents, one of them had a little creature in it, it seemed small like it was young, maybe just a baby. It had gotten trapped on its world of origin by the original raiders of the supply containers, it had been jetted around the galaxy, away from it's home and family, without food and water for who knows how many rotations. And worst of all, the poor little guy was hurt....

"What is he?" I asked, I had wrapped him up in a blanket to keep him safe and warm. He had been asleep the whole time, hadn't stirred or made a sound and I was worried.

Sabine was typing on the data pad deep in thought, "Looks like it's a baby womp rat, they live on Tatooine. Be careful, we don't know if he's aggressive or has any sort of parasite or pathogen."

"He's not a parasite!" I gasped and held him close to defend him. "He's just a little guy!"

"Ugh, Ezra...." She rolled her eyes. "He could wake up confused and turn wild and rip your face off."

"Well, maybe he'll give me matching scars?" I joke with a smirk, running my fingers across my non scarred cheek.

"You're ridiculous." She laughed slightly.

"It'll be fine Sabine. I'll connect with him thru the Force and help him recover."

"What about after that? You can't help him, he's a wild animal."

"Well, how far is Tatooine?"

She glanced at the data pad and grimaced, "Far...."

I let out a sigh, "It'll be fine. We have time until he's healed, maybe by then we'll be closer?"

Sabine leaned in to take a closer look at the little rat, "I dunno. He doesn't look so good, I don't like the way he's breathing."

"You don't like it when I breathe either." I rolled my eyes. "If you aren't gonna help me heal Little Ezra, then leave us alone."

"Little Ezra?" She laughed slightly.

"Well, at least until I figure out what his real name is." I shrug.

Sabine let's out a sigh, "Ok fine I'll help you. I'm just worried about you getting hurt."

"Trust me Sabine, he won't harm me."

She looked sad, "That's not what I mean...."

That night at dinner I brought Little Ezra to the table and kept him in my lap, he had barely moved or even made much noise, just sleeping most of the time. I figured I would keep him close so my body heat would keep him warm, and maybe by hearing my heart beat it would make him feel safe, and if he did wake up he wouldn't be alone and confused and maybe I could give him some food or water. As we had dinner I made sure to pet him and give him reassurance with the Force, maybe it would help him feel better and know he was safe and not alone. The others were oddly quiet, or maybe they were talking and my attention was just elsewhere, but I finally looked up when I heard my name.

"Ezra, I'm proud of you for being so open and taking care of another creature who is smaller and weaker than you." Kanan was saying.

"Considering how small and weak you are that doesn't leave many other options out there." Zeb joked slightly.

"But the little guy hasn't been doing well all day, I just don't want you to get your hopes up if something is wrong with him." Sabine added.

"We don't know what he went thru before we found him, all of you effort could be in vain." Hera agreed.

"No. You all might have given up on him, but I'm not. None of you ever gave up on me, even when I was injured and weak."

"We just don't want to see you get hurt." Hera said the same thing Sabine had.

"He's not going to hurt me, I promise!"

"That's not what she means." Kanan shot me a sympathetic glance.

I frowned, "Well if you guys won't support me, then I'll go take care of him myself." I stood up and stomped away.

"Kid wait!" Zeb reached out.

"Don't worry Zeb, I'm not going to keep him in our room. I'm gonna take him to the med bay." I headed down the hall and left them all behind. I held Little Ezra close, "Don't listen to them. What do they know? I had to become tough when I was little and had to become strong on my own. I know you will be fine, I'm here to take care of you." I put him down on the pillow on the cot in the med bay and looked around. "You still feel a little cold, even all wrapped up and with me holding you. I think there are some heating pads in here." I began to open and dig thru cabinets until I found what I was looking for. "Ok Little Ezra, time to warm you up." I activated the heating pads and put them under the pillow so it would still be soft, wrapping the blanket around it to keep the heat in, like an odd looking bird nest. "You've got some wounds too. Don't want them to be infected, that's never fun, trust me. I'll get some bandages for you." I began to rummage thru drawers until I found what I needed. I began to cut the bandages up into small baby rat sizes. "Good thing we still have some of this ointment. I never had this growing up on the street, you have no idea how many injuries I had that got infected or healed wrong." I began to apply the ointment, he moved slightly from the discomfort. "Sorry little guy, I know it stings, but it's important for you to recover." I put the little bandages on and covered him back up, he made some quiet little squeaky chirps. "Are you walking up? I'm gonna get you some water, I'm sure your thirsty. And like Kanan always tells me, you gotta stay hydrated." I grabbed a small cup of water and held it up to his face. He turned away. "I know, I know, you're hurt and confused. But you need water to live, it's just scientific fact." I began to think and went back to grab a small dropper I remembered seeing. I sucked up some of the water and tried to push it in his mouth carefully as not to hurt him. He made an annoyed gurgle and it made me chuckle. "Trust me, I hate having people shove things in my mouth too. Well, unless it's food.... But you can eat later when you're awake. For now, just have some water." I kept tapping it against his mouth and he kept turning away. "Come on Little Ezra, please?"

"Sounds like Little Ezra is taking after Big Ezra."

"Kanan?" I looked up to see him watching from the doorway with a slight smile on his face. "How long have you been there watching me?"

"I followed you not long after you left to see if you needed any help, wanted to make sure you're doing ok."

"Big Ezra is fine Kanan. But Little Ezra...." I glanced down at him with concern. "Come on, you need to drink something." I forced the dropper in his mouth and started to slowly squeeze the water in, he growled quietly and scrunched up his face.

"Careful." Kanan pulled my hand away. "You might make him choke if you get any in his lungs."

"But Kanan if he won't eat he at least needs to drink water."

He smirked down at me, "Now you know how we all feel when you act so difficult when you're not well." I blushed with angry humiliation and turned away. "If he needs to rest just let him rest. You are doing well to keep his body temperature up. A creature like him will have a lot higher temp than we would, even with you holding him all day he wouldn't warm up enough."

"Kanan, I don't want to have doubt but, Hera and Sabine might be right." I looked up at him with sad tired eyes. "What if we're too late?"

Kanan sighed and put a hand on my shoulder, "Our best is all we can do. Keep affirming him with your words and the Force. You're doing your best to help him."

"He feels so lost and confused and scared and all alone. I know how that feels. Maybe there was a reason we found him! What if I'm the one that has to help him...." I paused. "But what if I can't do enough?"

"Then it just wasn't meant to be."

"Then I'll keep trying, for Little Ezra."

"Well Big Ezra better get some rest too, he's of no use to anyone if he's got no energy." He patted my shoulder.

I gave him a tired smile, "Yes master."

That night I sleep in the med bay on the cot with him, making sure that the heating pads were warm and he was covered up. He was quiet during the night and rested. I kept waking up to check on him, giving him words of encouragement and sending him reassuring energy with the Force. I was exhausted. This was oddly hard work, I think the stress and anxiety were taking its toll. But it was up to me, I was the only one on the ship who was worried and wanted to take care of him and give him a chance to survive. It was very early in the morning when I feel asleep. I had a very strange dream, it felt so realistic I thought it actually happened, until I was gently shaken awake and slowly came back to reality feeling very disoriented and confused.

"Ezra? Ezra honey, time to wake up." It was Hera.

"It.... It's morning?" I blinked a few times to let my blurry vision adjust to the bright lights in the med bay. I stretched, very stiff and sore from the awkward position I was in all night. I let out an exhausted yawn and rubbed my face with my arm. "How's Little Ezra?" I looked down to see the blanket covering him. I went to go reach over and pull it off him so I could see him, but Hera grabbed my hand and stopped me. "What are you doing?" I asked sleepily.

She closed her eyes and her tone was sad and quiet, "I'm sorry Ezra."

My eyes went wide and I felt my stomach jump to my throat, "No....." I went to reach over again but Hera pulled my hand back. Tears started to fill my eyes, "Wait, no! It can't be...." My body trembled as I started to cry, Hera wrapping her arms around me. I couldn't believe it. I failed, I couldn't help him. He died because of me, I wasn't good enough to save him.

"I'm so sorry kid." I heard Kanan's voice and looked up to see him walk in. "You did your best. You gave him a chance nobody else would. When everyone else gave up on him and the world left him for dead, you were the only one who cared about him. I'm sure he knew he was safe and loved, he could feel your presence around him when he passed and he knew you were trying to help save him." I didn't have the strength to speak, I just buried my head into Hera and felt Kanan rest a hand on my head.

Later that morning we arrived on a nearby planet in the system we were in. It was a small uninhabited world. I was in such a foggy daze, I feel absolutely terrible. I didn't even wanna eat breakfast. I knew that drew concern from the others but I didn't care. I had no appetite, and frankly I didn't feel like I deserved food after failing like this. We all went down and found a safe spot to burry Little Ezra. We made sure it was covered by rocks and surrounded by bushes so nothing would dig him up.

"I'm sorry it has to end up this way Ezra." Sabine said.

"You did your best kid." Zeb added. "He was just too far gone by the time we found him."

"Life and war show us that we can't save everyone. But you showed the most important thing of all, that you cared enough to try." Hera gently rubbed my hair. The three of them walked away and left only Kanan and I.

"I'm sorry I failed. I wasn't good enough." I said out loud, not sure if I said that for Little Ezra or Kanan or myself. I sat down on a boulder and stared down at the grave.

"He is one with the Force now." Kanan said as he sat down next to me.

"Kanan, what was the point of this? Why would I find him only to fail and lose him? Was his life so worthless? He had a home and a family, they'll never see him again."

"We never really know what our destiny is. We never know what happened to him before he was trapped. For all we know his family and home could've been destroyed. As injured and starved as he was, he may have been as good as dead too. You may have been the last assurance for him in this world, that not everything and everyone is bad. He may have been holding out for somebody like you to make him feel comfortable enough to pass on. Maybe you're love and care for him was all he needed, and now he is with his family again in the energy of the Force."

"I still couldn't save him, I'm sorry I failed." I sighed sadly.

"You didn't fail. You would've only failed if you didn't bother trying."

"Kanan..... When I was asleep, I had a really weird dream. It felt so real, I didn't even realize I was asleep."

"What kind of dream was it, what happened?"

"I was on the ship in the med bay, sleeping on the cot with Little Ezra. I heard him making noises and when I opened my eyes he was standing in front of me, squeaking happy and bouncing around to get my attention to show me that he was awake and doing better. I was so happy! I thought I had ended up saving him and he looked like he was gonna be ok. I picked him up and held him and he felt so warm and alive and happy..... And then I woke up for real."

Kanan paused thoughtfully before speaking, "I think I know what happened. You had been reaching out to him with the Force the whole time you were trying to help him. He felt you feeling vulnerable while he was the one injured so he knew he could trust you and felt safe. He was reaching back out to you, showing you that he was ok. He had passed on but was using that last energy to show you that he was gonna be alright, thanking you for taking care of him."

"Do you, do you really think so....?"

"None of us truly know what happens after death. All we can do is trust in the Force, and have hope."

"Well, I hope wherever he is in the Force, he and his family are together and are happy now."

"I'm proud of you kid. You connected with a creature and took care of them in their time of need. I think if nothing else, this was a good lesson for you."

"I only wish it had a better ending."

"Not all endings in life are happy Ezra. All that matters is that we try our best. Now come on, we need to head out."

"Ok."

I got up and walked with Kanan back to the Ghost, he put his arm around my shoulders and held me close next to him as we walked. I was no stranger to loss, life has to go on, he was right, all we could do was try our best. The Ghost took off but honestly most of it is a blur after that. I was too tired and depressed to really care or pay attention to what was going on. I vaguely remember somebody trying to coax me into eating something but I didn't have any appetite. They made me at least drink some milk, telling me that Big Ezra needed to keep hydrated. So I drank it, couldn't be a hypocrite. We were all having a meeting and Hera was going over some information with us. I was sitting next to Kanan and at some point ended up leaning against him, resting against his shoulder, I felt him petting thru my hair gently. I was so worn out I eventually fell asleep. Normally I would've been lectured and ridiculed, but considering what had happened I think they let it slide this time. I hope Kanan was right, that Little Ezra was telling me that he was ok. I hoped to have another dream about him again. I still felt bad, but I knew I had to learn to trust in the Force, even with the bad things. I would keep fighting and keep helping others, for Little Ezra.

Chapter Text

If there's one thing I hate, ok there's a lot of things I hate, but one of the things I hate the most is insomnia. You just had a crazy busy day and are exhausted, your body is drained and your mind is melted and you want to sleep. But guess what? You can't! Ugh, and so here we are.....

I could not sleep to save my life, and I knew tomorrow was going to be a long day with a lot of work already and the stress of counting down the time, knowing I would have to get up in a few hours, was just adding to my anxiety. I tossed and turned for hours until I felt nauseous and dizzy, I was so frustrated I rolled around so much I rolled right off my bunk. Literally!

"Gruh, what the.... What happened?" Zeb jolted up and looked around groggily, still half asleep, he finally noticed me sitting up on the floor. "Kid, what's going on?"

"Sorry, can't sleep. I got so disoriented and fell off my bunk." I gave a big yawn and flopped down on the floor.

Zeb started laughing quietly, "I'm sorry I missed that." He stretched and turned on one of the lights so it was dim in the room. "Something on your mind punk?"

"Not really? I dunno. Yes and no, it feels like my mind is racing because I can't sleep."

"Well why can't you sleep?"

"I wish I knew." I sat up and let out a long yawn. "I'm so tired, my body is exhausted, so I figured I would have no trouble falling asleep."

"Well, sometimes when you're so worn out it actually works against you. Especially if you have anxiety, it only has the opposite effect and your body fights it."

"As brainless as I feel right now, that actually makes total sense. Wow, you being smart? Are you sure I'm not really dreaming?" I chuckle and let out another loud yawn and rub my eyes.

"Well you're obviously sleepy, but your anxiety and insomnia and fatigue are all working together to play against you. It make sense. I used to see that happen to younger troops back when I was captain of the honor guard."

"Well how did they overcome it?"

"Some did, some didn't. Those who couldn't just ended up collapsing."

"Well I sure don't want that to happen on a mission." I laugh slightly and let go of another wide yawn, my face really starting to hurt from all the yawning.

Zeb smirked, "Kid if you wanna keep showing me off the back of your throat all night that's on you, but I'd much rather help you get to bed, so that way I can go back to sleep."

"You and me both." I rolled my eyes and managed to finally stand up, my arms hanging weakly and my head slumped with fatigue.

"Working you to the point of collapse is not ideal here. I think you need a distraction, use up that energy in your mind so you can both physically and mentally relax."

"And how do I do that? And if you say meditate I swear I will punch you in the face."

Zeb snorted with amusement, "Nah I think a child like you just needs a good ol fashioned bedtime story."

"You really gonna tell me a baby nursery rhyme like good night moons? Please don't sing a lullaby, I might end up staying awake from nightmares."

"Very funny. Now get up to your bunk before I throw you up there."

"Whatever you say, roomie." I smirk and giggle to myself as I head back up the ladder, I let out another loud pathetic yawn and laid down. Zeb stood up and laid his arms on the end of my bunk, resting his chin on his arms in thought. "So what did you have in mind, storyteller?"

"Well, children stories from Lasan probably wouldn't make sense to a human." He paused. "Maybe if I told you a story about when I was in the honor guard."

"Ahh yeah!" I sat up eagerly. "Are you gonna tell me about your great battles?"

"Not all victories and lessons were learned in the throws of the fighting you know. Besides, war stories might have the opposite effect on trying to help your insomnia." Yeah ok guess Zeb actually had a point there. "I'll tell you about one of my biggest victories right before I became captain of the royal guard."

"Wait.... I thought it was called the honor guard?"

"Originally it was called the royal guard, but after you hear my story, you'll understand why they changed it to the honor guard when I became captain." And so Zeb began....

When Zeb was still young and a little rough around the edges, yeah even more so than now, they had been called to aid one of their smaller neighboring planets who had been attacked by the Zygerrians. They were destroying their home world and enslaving their population. Such dishonorable actions were noticeably frowned upon by the Lasats and they rushed to help. The war had waged on for months, it was Zeb's first time in the line of combat and he was a brash and bold soldier who often took charge of situations, even if it was against orders. He never ended up causing any issue so he never was reprimanded, but one day his luck finally ran out and his actions got him in trouble.

"Cadet, you went against my orders." The commander was lecturing him.

"Sorry sir." Zeb bowed his head in shame. "I knew I couldn't follow the mission the way we were instructed. It wasn't right."

"Wasn't right, how? We would've won the battle if you had followed protocol!"

"But it was without honor."

"There is no honor in war, son."

"But sir, if we had attacked them all in their moment of weakness, it would've looked shameful against the royal guard and caused the high family to look poorly and weak. We would've had repercussions against us, others would've come to Lasan and attack us for our shame. I couldn't let that happen, I'm sorry sir."

The commander sighed and began to pace in thought, "Soldier, I understand why you did what you did, but this failure may have cost us the war. We had a chance to eliminate our enemies and you told the squad to stand down. You may have single handedly cost us more than you realize."

"I am willing to take responsibility for my actions, don't blame the others for following my orders as leader of the platoon."

"That's just it! You can't take responsibility for this, the battles we may lose, the soldiers who may fall, the civilians and villages who may be destroyed. A single action is like a drop in the ocean, it causes ripples to spread out and effect more than where it fell."

"I'm sorry sir. I will do whatever I can to make this right."

"You want to make this right? It's almost light. We know where the enemy base is, head to the encampment as originally instructed, you will go on a solo mission, as to not jeopardize any of the other troops. You will place the explosives and detonate them before sunrise."

"But sir!" Zeb glanced at the horizon. "That's less than 2 hours away. This is a suicide mission!"

"Then maybe now you will understand the volume of your actions." The commander handed Zeb the bombs.

Zeb sighed and stared at them in his hand. "I.... I understand, sir."

"Good. Then you better hurry. As you said, you have less than 2 hours."

Zeb nodded and took his leave. He knew that his commander was right but he wished the commander understood his point of view. It was not honorable to destroy an enemy like this. They may win the battle but not the war, others would come after them for this shameful display. Honor was a very important part of Lasan culture, especially during times of war. Zeb had grown up always wanting to be a good soldier and lead his troops to victory in battle, but would make sure to always do the right thing. And this just felt wrong. But he couldn't go against orders again, even if this ran the risk of being his last mission and last act in life. Zeb reached the base and quickly and quietly placed the bombs, then he headed towards the front line where the encampment had all fallen asleep. Lasat's were a very proud species who took pride in their strength, as were the Zygerrians. They were both apex and powerful, the battles had all been very even sided with victories and casualties in this pointless war. Zeb placed the last of the bombs around the front lines while his enemies slept. He looked up as the sun began to rise. It was too late for him to escape now. He looked down at the sleeping warriors and shut his eyes, letting out a frustrated sigh. He knew this was wrong! He couldn't do it, but he had to follow orders, it's what a good soldier does right? One of the Zygerrians on guard finally started to stir beneath him. He blinked open his eyes and looked up, gasping as he saw Zeb towering over him above the trench, the detonator in hand. The soldier scrambled backwards and began to tremble, he knew he was about to die. He winced and closed his eyes, turning away.... but there was silence.... nothing happened. He opened his eyes cautiously and looked meekly back up at the muscular Lasat.

Zeb sighed, "I can't do this...."

The Zygerrian soldier swallowed hard, "Why.... why not?"

"This is wrong. It's dishonorable! Even your soldiers wouldn't do something as low of a tactic as this. This would be a shady tainted victory."

"But.... but you would've destroyed us all, you would've won the war for this planet."

"Not without paying the price. Such dishonorable actions would only bring shame to the royal guard and the royal families and the planet of Lasan. Others would come after us, I would single handedly be bringing war to my home world, and wouldn't even live to try and defend it. We may not see eye to eye in our differences, but there is one thing we as a species both value, and that's strength. Something like this, an action as shameful as this, would only be a sign of weakness."

The soldier sighed and nodded, "I actually agree with you. This may surprise you, but we hate this war as much as you probably do. We are at a stalemate, equal in every turn. We need to put an end to these battles, all the senseless deaths. These pathetic creatures aren't worth it."

"Maybe not to you, but we can't stand by and watch others suffer." Zeb held out a hand. "Even if the ones suffering may be our enemies."

The soldier reached up and took Zeb's hand, letting him lift him up, "What do you propose, warrior?"

"Perhaps it's time for talks of peace, we can reach a truce and move on from this."

"You may be surprised to know that my fellow Zygerrian soldiers feel the exact same way."

They both shook hands firmly, planning to head back to their commanding officers to bring talks of peace. The battles stopped and on the next rotation a peace treaty was written and signed between the Lasat and the Zygerrian, they eventually departed the planet and allowed the people to rebuild and return to their normal lives. Zeb's commanding officer was both shocked and proud of him for his honorable actions. They both met with the royal family where Zeb was promoted to captain to lead the newly named honor guard, the new title for the royal guard to display the power of Zeb's actions and to prove that even in times of war, honor was the most powerful weapon any soldier could ever have.

"And so, that's how I became captain and helped to end the war with the Zygerrians. Because of me they changed the name of the royal guard to the honor guard, and I spent several cycles training troops as I grew older, that is of course before the Empire decided to invade."

"Wow. I would've never expected to hear something like that from you about your past." I spoke quietly, feeling tired, my eyes were growing heavy from listening so intently to Zeb's tale. "You sure don't act very honorable now."

Zeb smirked, "Yeah well I'm not fighting a war, I'm fighting a rebellion. I can be a little lax when it comes to imperials. Pretty sure they wouldn't appreciate honor among those thieves."

I let out a yawn and nuzzled my head in my pillow, "Thanks for the story Zeb, I think it actually helped." I closed my eyes and Zeb ruffled my hair.

"Any time brat. Hey, what are friends for?"

"Everybody needs a best friend..." I mumbled as I fell asleep.

Zeb smiled down at me, "And I'm happy I'm yours...."

The next morning Zeb woke up before me, thankfully the few hours of sleep I got in were restful enough that I didn't wake up feeling half dead. I stretched as Zeb came back into the room after getting ready in the refresher.

"Hey roomie." I rubbed my eyes.

"Glad to see you finally got some sleep."

"Same here." I crawled down the ladder. "Thanks again for your help. But right now I sure could go for some breakfast."

"Not before me punk, I was up before you."

"Yeah well, all that matters is who gets to the table first." I took off running but only managed to run a few steps until I ran thru the door and tripped and fell flat on my face as Zeb stretched out a leg.

"Hey watch the floor, it comes up fast...." Zeb said quietly as he casually walked away towards the kitchen to get to the table before me.

I smirked and chuckled to myself as I propped myself up to watch him go, "So much for honor now huh Zeb?" But I guess all's fair in food and war. There may be honor during war time, but not during meal time.

Chapter Text

I don't remember a whole lot from when I was little, just random little facts or maybe images flashing in my mind. Honestly most of it is so traumatic I don't blame myself for forgetting. But one thing I do remember is my parents telling me my first word was kitty. Go figure even as a baby I liked animals and Lothcats. My parents had always playfully argued over which one of them was going to be my first word, must've been pretty funny when it was neither of them. I remember one of my favorite plush toys was a Lothcat, I always slept with it and dragged it with me everywhere and my mom constantly had to fix it when it got torn up, it got old and dirty. When they got taken away, it ended up being left behind when I went to go run and hide, it was one of many things I was never able to go back home for. Lately for some reason I've been thinking a lot about things like that. Granted a teenager sleeping with a little baby stuffie wouldn't fly well without chronic ridicule here from the others, but finally after a lot of reflection and meditation it finally hit me. I knew what I wanted.... I wanted a Padawan pet.

It took us a long time before we ended up back on Lothal during our missions and travels. We were only stopping here for less than a rotation, but that would've been long enough to find a Lothcat who would want to come travel with me and connect with it and sneak it onto the Ghost before we left. Kanan and Sabine were going into town on a quick supply run while Zeb worked on some repairs with Chopper and Hera. I told Kanan and Sabine that I was going to stay behind to train for a while. That right there should've been an indication that I was up to something, but they both ended up brushing it off and believing me, leaving me behind to look for a Lothcat. I wandered the fields, reaching out with the Force until I finally found a wild colony of feral Lothcats. I sat down in a clearing and closed my eyes to meditate, I knew that would be the best way to try and connect with them. I was out there for at least an hour if not more until finally one off the younger kittens finally reached back out to me. He was younger so not as wild as the adults were, but not a baby so he was weaned from his mother. He was dark and a little tufty, still having some of his unruly kitten fur. I smiled and held my hand out, he carefully came over and sniffed it, rubbing his face in my palm. There was a hiss from behind him, a larger brown Lothcat growling at her son, it was obviously the mother. The kitten meowed back at her and then climbed my legs, sitting in my lap to stare back at her. She frowned, pressing her ears back against her head, narrowing her eyes as she stared at her kit, but finally she relented and turned to go, obviously giving her son her blessing to go with me, albeit begrudgingly.

"Hear that little guy?" I picked him up. "Looks like she gave you permission to come with me!" The kitten mewed and began to purr. "I'm gonna have to give you a name.... Hmmm...." I began to think, trying to connect with him again to make sure he would approve. I looked at him, he was a dark grey so maybe a name that reflected his appearance. "What about Grayson? Or Phantom?" The kitten tilted his head curiously, obviously not settling on a name like that. "Hmmm, well you're like my little helper, so what about Helper?" The kitten trilled. "Ah you like that huh? Helper?" He cooed in response. "I guess Helper it is then. Come on, let's go." I headed back to the Ghost, thankfully Sabine and Kanan weren't back and Zeb and Hera were still busy. "Here we are Helper, this is the Ghost, it's my home and now it's your new home too. We're going to have a lot of fun here together! But I don't know how the others will react so you have to stay with me and be quiet ok?" Helper chirped back happily and it made me smile.

Kanan and Sabine returned shortly before dinner time, Zeb and Hera and finished their repairs so they loaded up and we took off. Poor little Helper got really freaked out when we jumped into hyper space. I remembered my first time too, I felt really weird and got super sick to my stomach and the drastic change in atmospheric pressure gave me a dizzying headache. Helper obviously couldn't understand the concept of space travel and he felt confused and scared, so I reached out to him with the Force to help calm him down. Thankfully it worked. He felt a little unsettled but thankfully had calmed down by the time dinner was ready, I tucked him in under my blanket on my bunk so he could rest and I went out to join them.

"Wow, Ezra last to the table? That's a first." Sabine mocked.

"Sorry I had something to take care of." I sat down.

"Did you do well with your training today?" Kanan asked.

"Actually yeah! It was a great day, I got a lot accomplished." I smiled happily.

Kanan was shocked, "Wow, well, I'm glad to hear that. I'm proud of you for taking things seriously."

"Thanks master."

"Time to eat!" Zeb raised his fork, shoveling food onto his plate.

"Better hurry Ezra." Hera joked.

I started to put food on my plate, looking around thoughtfully, trying to see what Helper would be able to eat. I saw some of the meat, I grabbed some of the plain pieces that didn't have any seasoning on them, then grabbed food for myself. I ate all of my food, of course going back for seconds, then I went to cut up the plain meat into smaller bite sized pieces for a little Lothcat mouth. I wanted him to be able to chew on it safely and not choke. Finally as everyone was finishing up I had the last of my food on my plate.

"May I finish my food in my room?" I asked.

Hera gave me an odd look, "Why do you want to eat in your room?"

I hadn't thought that far ahead, "I just kinda want to be alone for a bit so I can finish my food."

"Ezra you'll make a mess." Kanan added.

"No I wont! I'll be careful I promise."

"You better be, I don't wanna be smelling rotten food in our room." Zeb snorted.

"Oh please, like you're one to talk." I frowned. "With all those snacks you have hidden in there, you don't even share!"

"What?" Hera growled, giving Zeb an angry glare.

"Hera I uhh.... KID!" Zeb turned to me with a snarl.

"Don't look at him, you look at me." Hera's tone caused Zeb to flinch. "Why are you hiding food in your room?" I took that distraction to exit and go take Helper his dinner.

"Hey Helper." I whisper as I head into the room, he poked his head out from under the blanket. He looked like he had bed head, it was so cute! "Look, I got you some dinner." I put the plate down on my bunk and he crawled out and sniffed the meat, finally licking one of them carefully. When he realized it was safe he began to eat it. "Pretty yummy huh? Thankfully I live with some pretty good cooks. Best thing I can make is a bowl of cereal. I still burn waffles hahaha!" I smiled and pet Helper while he ate. He licked the plate clean and began to purr. "I'll bring you some water next ok? I'll be right back." I took the plate and snuck back into the kitchen where Zeb and Hera were still arguing. "Sorry guys, I didn't mean to make you fight. Anyway I finished my food." I walked thru them as I went to go wash the dishes.

Hera sighed, "You know what? If this has been going on this long and there haven't been any issues, I'll let it go. But the moment you mess up, no more food in your room! Got it?"

"Yes Hera." Zeb nodded, then shot me a glare. I just shrugged and got a cup of water, walking back to the room.

"Here you go little guy." I held the cup of water and Helper began to drink, his little ears twitching each time he swallowed. I couldn't help but giggle, it was so cute! "I'm so happy I have you, Helper. We're gonna be great friends."

"What's all this then?" I heard a growl behind me.

"Zeb!?" I whirled around.

"So this is what you got me in trouble for." He snarled as he stomped into the room.

"No, stop, you'll scare him!" I hold him back as he glared at Helper, the little kitty tilting his head to the side. "Please, he's just a little guy, I need to take care of him. His name is Helper."

"Agh!" Zeb groaned and rolled his eyes, slumping over. "You already named it?"

"Yes! He's my Padawan pet."

"You're what?" Zeb turned up his nose at the title.

"It will be fine, I promise. He's quiet and won't make a mess and won't cause trouble. Hell he even sheds less than you."

"I don't shed!" Zeb yelled.

I picked up a small clump of purple fur, "Sure ya don't....."

"I only shed when I'm stressed. And what do you think is the cause of my stress huh?" He grabbed me by the collar and picked me up like he was scruffing a cat. There was a small snarl behind us, we turned to see Helper growling with warning at Zeb.

"Looks like Helper wants to help protect me." I smirked and folded my arms proudly.

"Ugh fine." Zeb put me down. "He gets one chance! But if Hera or Kanan discover him, game over."

"Relax Zeb, everything is gonna be fine." I climb up the ladder and get into bed, cuddling with Helper as he purred in my arms, closing his eyes and relaxing.

Zeb let out a defeated sigh, "OK fine, I guess he is a little cute at least. Maybe I'll at least have one nice roommate."

"Hey. I am nice." I snort.

"Uh huh. Oh hey! Did you see that speeder you just threw me under? Ran me over pretty good."

"Very funny." I rolled my eyes. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry I got you in trouble, I really didn't mean it."

"Yeah, yeah, I know...." Zeb laid down on his bunk and closed his eyes.

The next morning I woke up before Zeb. I stretched and rubbed my eyes, looking around and feeling around my blanket. "Helper? Helper?" I whisper but I couldn't find him. I started to get nervous. "Where are you?" I threw the blanket off my bed and started to look around the room. He couldn't have gotten too far, right? Zeb was still asleep. I looked him over but didn't see any signs of Helper cuddling with him. That would've actually been priceless. I looked everywhere but he was nowhere to be found. "Oh Helper where could you have gone?"

"Kanan! What's that?" I heard Hera yell. I hissed thru my teeth, I had a pretty good idea.

"Hera, where did it go?" Kanan called out.

"I don't know. I only saw it as a quick blur as I got out of the refresher. I think it ran into the main room. Is it a mynock?"

"I'll go look, you wait here." Kanan headed into the main room and turned on the light. He was greeted by seeing Helper scratching on one of the couch cushions. "Is that a.... Lothcat?"

"What?" Hera walked into the room. Helper mewed up at them. "I think it's just a kit."

"How did you get on here, you little stow away." Kanan reached out slowly to grab him.

'Friend?'

"What?" Kanan froze. Was he actually getting a connection from this cat? Was it tamed? Helper looked up at him and tilted his head. His signature felt familiar in the Force, it felt very much like his Padawan. Kanan frowned. "EZRA!"

"Uh oh...." I winced. Guess Kanan found Helper first. I slunk into the main room to see Kanan holding Helper up by the scruff, Helper looked like he was having fun at least.

"Something you wanna explain, Ezra?" Kanan was not happy.

"Yeah, uhh.... guys, meet Helper."

"No, Ezra. No!" Hera shook her head. "No pets on my ship!"

"But why not!?" I whined. "He's my friend! He made a connection with me!"

"That doesn't mean you can just take him away from his home." Kanan frowned.

"He wanted to come, even his mom gave her permission!"

Hera laughed, "Seriously Ezra?"

"I am being serious! I meditated and he came to me! He's my Padawan pet!"

"His what?" Hera gave Kanan a confused face.

He rolled his eyes, "Don't ask...."

"Ezra, the Ghost is no place for a Lothcat. Have you ever considered the litter box situation?"

"Maybe I can train him to use the refresher?" I shrug. Kanan and Hera give me a dumbfounded expression before breaking out into laughter. I rubbed the back of my head awkwardly, "Hey it was just an idea....."

"Ezra, we need to take him back home."

"Please Hera! Can't you at least give him a chance?"

"Sorry kid but she's right."

"But Kanan, I love him!"

"Well, sometimes when you love someone, you have to do what's better for them and let them go."

I felt a stabbing pain thru my heart, "Like my parents had to let me go."

"Look Ezra, the fight in the rebellion is no life for a young Lothcat. He deserves a chance to be happy and live a life of peace. You don't want to take that away from him do you?"

"No." I let out a sigh, Kanan was right. "I just.... I just really wanted to have a part of my home with me. Lothcats have always been special to me, I missed having them in my life."

Hera shot Kanan a sad glance before putting a hand on my shoulder, "I understand Ezra. We have all had to give up our lives in this fight against the Empire. But we made that choice. You have to realize that this little Lothcat, and all of the cats on Lothal, they deserve a chance to live in the peace that we are fighting for them to have. We can't make or take that choice for them or from them. We have to give up our lives and leave everything from our old lives behind so they can go on living. It's the price we have to pay. But seeing how happy and well the ones we care about are because of what we're doing, that makes it all worth it. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I sigh and nodded, "Yeah. I do...." I look down at Helper who was smiling and purring up at me. I cuddled him tightly and rubbed my face in his fur. "Let's take him home."

"I'm proud of you Ezra. Now you might understand a little bit why the Jedi order was against attachments. It can only make things harder on us when we have to let them go." Kanan patted me on the head. It made sense, but it didn't make me feel any better.

We returned to Lothal and arrived back at the same spot so I could put him back in his territory, when I walked down the loading ramp with him in my arms I saw his mom poke her head out of the grass and hiss at him. "Looks like you're in trouble too." I smirked sadly at Helper. He turned to me and meowed. I sniffled back some tears and gave him one last hug, kissing him on his forehead as he purred. "I will never forget you. I hope you will always remember me. Maybe we'll see each other again?" I put him down and he ran towards his mom. She jumped out of the grass and began to swat him, yowling angrily at him. I didn't need my connection with the Force to know she was pissed and lecturing him about having run off with me. Poor Helper just cowered and took it from her.

"Looks like somebody else is getting a lecture." Kanan chuckled as he walked up beside me.

"Yeah. I feel bad I got him in trouble. But he deserves to be with his family." I looked up at him. "Just like my place is with my family."

Kanan smiled down at me, "Well look who's starting to grow up."

"Oh please." I rolled my eyes and punched him in the shoulder, heading back up the ramp.

"Oops, looks like I spoke too soon!" Kanan laughed and followed me.

The ramp closed and we took off, leaving Helper and his family and the planet of Lothal behind. I remembered what it was that I needed to protect, what it was that I was fighting for. It would make it all that worth while so much more when I finally did return home, when the Empire finally was defeated, to see Helper and his family and all of the Lothcats and everyone on Lothal, all happy and living a life in peace once more. They deserved that, and I would make it happen for them no matter what. Guess I'm growing up after all...

Chapter Text

There's some sort of saying, not sure where it originated, about stopping to smell the flowers. I guess it's supposed to be a reminder to pause in life to relax and catch your breath or whatever. Well I tried it. Stuck my nose where it didn't belong. Hardly relaxing. Apparently all I caught was some sort of mind control pollen in my face! Nice....

We were in between jobs and Kanan had increased and intensified my training. We had stopped on a nearby planet when Hera discovered the system was free of any imperial threat. Too bad she didn't scan for other threats. The weather was pretty warm and sunny that day, I got tired after such a heated (pun intended) session with Kanan when he finally called for a break. I fell back panting, covered in sweat, chest heaving with exhaustion.

"Great job Ezra, you've really made incredible progress and come a long way. Let's take a break and stop to smell the flowers."

"Thank goodness." I gasped for air.

"Go explore. Part of being a good Jedi is to be aware of your surroundings. See what you can discover here on this planet. There are lots of plants in that jungle there, it'll be good for you to get out of the sun, see what critters you might find."

"You have no idea." I grumbled as I wiped my brow, finally getting enough strength in my shaky legs to stand up.

"But be careful, we still don't know anything about this planet. Keep your com on at all times and don't go to far." Kanan walked off to go take a break and meditate.

"Yes master." I rolled my eyes to myself and headed into the nice shady forest, letting out a sigh of relief as I looked around. So many tall trees and green plants, the bushes had small berries and flowers. "Hmm. Smell the flowers huh?" I looked down at the bush and made a face. "Eh it's just flowers, who cares?" I carried on, weaving my way thru the shrubs and hanging vines. I had yet to see any new creatures to meet or fruits to eat so I was a little bummed, but I finally reached a clearing. There was a little bit of sunlight that broke thru the canopy of trees and in the middle of the glen was a large green flower. "Now that's a flower worth smelling." I laughed at my own joke. But it really did look cool. The stem was thick and had tons of big leaves flowing around it, it was as big as I was, if not bigger. I'm not small, be quiet! I looked inside, the inner petals were red and there were yellowish orange spots. "Well, let's see what it smells like." I stuck my head inside, it actually smelled sweet, almost like some sort of fruit juice, pretty cool for a flower. Suddenly without warning it shot a huge cloud of pollen into my face. "Ahh!" I jumped back, coughing and sputtering and sneezing as I was covered in sticky pink pollen. "Ugh just my luck. So gross! What the heck plant? So rude." I started to dust myself off and rub the pollen off my face, no doubt Kanan would find this hilarious and lecture me. Giving up any hope for my shady break, I made it back to the training area, Kanan opened and eye and smirked.

"End up getting yourself into trouble I see?"

"Hey, I was just following your advice to stop and smell the flowers. This is what I ended up getting!"

"Yeah that would happen to you." He chuckled and stood up, helping me to dust off areas I couldn't see or reach. "Well it's time to head back anyway."

"I call the refresher!" I took off running.

"This time I'll let you get away with it." He laughed to himself as he followed me back to the Ghost.

Things seemed to go normal for the most part at first. I cleaned up and joined the others. I was talking with Kanan and I was joking around with Zeb and laughing with Sabine. But then it almost started to feel like scenes were missing, like a skip in my head, like I was falling asleep and then waking up and things looked slightly different. Like static on a holo recording. I would be listening to them make a comment and then I would say something and then a second later they would be giving me bewildered looks. I would try to make a joke and it didn't come out right, I would go from laughing to threatening them and back again. I had no recollection of it, I felt like my brain was glitching.

"Ezra are you feeling ok?" Sabine wore a concerned expression.

"Yeah, what dirt you talking a rock?"

"What? You aren't making sense, did you hit your head?" Kanan looked me up and down.

"I'll hit your head!" I jumped up snarling, turning on my blaster saber and aiming it at him, Kanan's eyes went wide and he froze.

"Whoa kid!" Zeb held up his hands. "Calm down. You're acting weird, weirder than normal."

"Hey how did I get up here?" I looked around, I was standing on the table, I looked down at the saber in my hand.

"Ezra do you have a fever?" Kanan stood up slowly and felt my forehead.

"What are you talking about? You're acting strange."

"Not at much as you are, it's starting to make me nervous." Sabine scooted back in her seat slightly.

"Sabine?" I looked at her, hating to see her looking at me like that. Suddenly my heart started racing, I felt it pounding in my chest and my breathing became erratic. I turned fearfully to my master for help, "Kanan...?"

"Keep calm Ezra, try to relax." He held up his hands to catch me, I started to feel dizzy, everything getting blurry and almost looking tinted in red.

"Guys what's happening? What's going on?" My eyes rolled back into my head and I fell onto Kanan.

"Ezra! Ezra wake up!" His words echoed in my ears.

"What's wrong with him Kanan?" I heard Zeb's voice start to become muffled.

"Help him Kanan!" Sabine sounded afraid, I never heard her voice like that before. I opened my mouth to try and call to her but nothing came out. "Hang in there Ezra."

"Enemy. The enemy. Eliminate. Must destroy." I felt strange muttering coming from my mouth, it sounded like me but at the same time it didn't, I sounded gravely and bitter and raspy, like an animal, it was not my voice. Why couldn't I control my body?

"Ezra? What is it, are you ok?" Kanan tapped my face. My vision was so fuzzy.

"Kill you....."

"What?"

I feel my body leap up in an almost unnatural way, my limbs felt loose and numb like I couldn't control them, "I will unroot you!"

"Ezra?" Zeb backed away.

"Get back, look at his eyes, he's not in control!" Kanan called out. My eyes? Apparently they looked a little dark and cloudy and foggy.

"Die!" No! I felt my body lunge onto Kanan with strength I didn't even know my body held, even Kanan was unexpectedly surprised.

"Get Hera!" He struggled to hold me back, I was lunging for him like a wild feral animal but I was powerless to stop it. "Fight it Ezra!"

"Fight you!" I snarled with a venomous voice. I felt a powerful burst of Force energy from Kanan knock me back. I began to screech and struggle.

"Hurry, I'll hold him back!" Kanan called and Zeb and Sabine ran off to get Hera. "Ezra! Can you hear me?"

"Not! Ezra!" I frothed wildly.

"What happened Ezra, what did you do? Did you eat something you weren't supposed....." Kanan froze and his eyes went wide. "Wait, that pollen. That pollen is controlling you isn't it?" I began to reach out erratically, trying desperately to convey to him but I was not in control.

"What pollen? What's going on?" Hera ran into the room.

"Ezra ended up getting covered in a bunch of pollen earlier, now he's acting erratic and uncontrollable, his words aren't making any sense and his voice is garbled. I can't reach him mentally thru the Force. I think the pollen may be effecting him."

"Is it poisonous?"

"I don't think so, it feels more like it's controlling his mind and nervous system."

"I'll look up different plants and flowers." Hera grabbed a data pad. "Maybe we can find what effected him and how we can undo it."

"Hurry Hera!" Kanan turned back to me. "Hang in there kid, we got you!" He was using all his might to hold me back, I could feel my muscles burning, fighting his grip he held on me with the Force. I started making sounds and roaring and screeching like an animal as my body fought against him. "I got you Ezra don't worry. We'll figure this out and fix you up!"

"Kriffing sleemo!" I hiss and felt the Force energy being pulled from my body and throw everyone back, causing them to fly against the wall as I floated into the air. Chopper rolled into the room and looked around in confusion. "Slimy droid!" I roar and lunge at him, taking him by surprise as I claw at him like a wild animal, he pulled out his metal arm to zap me and I bit it causing him to cry out. Ow! I could feel the pain in my jaw and face bones as my body tried to chew thru his metal arm. He finally covered his body in electricity, I screeched and jumped back. "Won't let you destroy me, metal monster!" I jumped back and began to bounce around the room as Chopper shot small bolts out at me, I quickly dodged every single one with unbelievable agility. I had no idea my body was capable of these things! Good to know.

"Kanan, I found something! A sentient plant that can control animals by covering them with pollen, the toxin is absorbed thru the facial membranes and latches onto the receptors in the hosts brain!"

"That damn pollen." Kanan growled after hearing Hera's explanation. He reached out and grabbed me mid air with the Force. "What can we do, is there an antidote?"

"I think we can synthesize one made on the plants biological makeup. But it will have to enter the same way, he will have to breathe it in his nose and mouth."

"Ugh, it's getting harder to hold him still, you better hurry!"

"Come on Sabine, Chopper!" Hera ran off and they both followed.

"Let me help!" Zeb jumped behind me and held me tightly, his arms squeezing around me making it hard to breathe. I felt my body fight it, hoping that it would ware itself out and maybe I could regain control. I hated watching myself be used as a weapon and being helpless to use my own body, having it be used against me by attacking my friends. "Help us out kid, you gotta fight this."

"It's ready!" Sabine rushed in.

"Hold him still!" Hera held up what looked like a nebulizer. "He has to breathe it all in for it to work." I started thrashing my head like crazy. "Calm down Ezra, put this in your mouth." She held it up slowly and I snapped at her repeatedly, snarling viciously.

"Don't make me knock you out kid." Sabine threatened me and I hissed at her.

"Zeb, hold him steady, I'll try and use what I've got left to hold his face for Hera."

"Got it." Zeb grunted and tightened his grip, forcing all the air from my lungs and causing me to shriek.

"I've got him Hera!" Kanan panted, I could feel the Force holding my face steady. I had to admire the teamwork, even if it hurt.

"Open up Ezra, you need to breathe." Hera coaxed, I snapped at her repeatedly and felt a growl rattle in my chest.

"Fight it Ezra, please, I know you can do it!" Sabine sounded desperate and it broke my heart.

"Come on Ezra, I know you're still in there. Open your mouth, breathe in the antidote, come back to us." Kanan sounded tired, my heart hurt for my friends. I felt myself fading from consciousness as my body ran out of air. The plants hold on me must be waning.

"Guys....." I wheezed quietly, my vision starting to black out.

"Ezra, hang in there!" Hera lifted the antidote. I struggled with every bit of my last strength to open my mouth. I bit down on the mouthpiece on the nebulizer as she fit the mask over my nose. "Now breathe!" I felt Zeb loosen slightly so I could take in a deep breath, and at that moment Hera activated the inhalant spray so I could breathe it all in. "Yes! Got it!" I felt a collective sigh of relief as Zeb and Kanan let me go, my body felt limp but Hera caught me. "I got you Ezra. Just relax. Rest. You're gonna be ok now."

"Thank you...." I whispered, almost feeling a weight lift off my chest as I passed out. I woke up feeling dazed and disoriented, my body felt tense and my lungs burned. "Guys? What happened?" I squinted and struggled to open my eyes. "Hurts. So tired."

"Are you back to normal? Thank goodness." Sabine sighed with relief.

"Well, define normal." Zeb joked and I gave a weak laugh in response.

"You feel ok kid?" Kanan asked. "You really worried us back there."

"That dumb flower.... Stupid pollen."

"Yeah I don't think it liked you very much either, or maybe it liked you a whole lot?"

"I'm sorry guys." My voice was getting weak, my mouth was dry. I tried to sit up.

"Take it easy." Hera put a hand behind my back to help, then she handed me some water. "Here."

"Ah! Thanks." I drink thirstily.

"Next time don't go sticking your face where it doesn't belong." Zeb grumbled.

"Kanan's fault." I pointed from behind the cup of water. "Told me to smell the flowers."

"Hey, it's really more of a figure of speech, just a saying." He shrugged flatly. "Not my fault you took it literally."

"It doesn't matter." I let out a heavy frustrated sigh and slumped my shoulders. "It always seems like bad things are always happening to me. It's like I have bad luck or I'm cursed or something."

"Kid....." Kanan let out a slight breath and pressed his lips together into a straight line as he folded his arms in thought. "You don't have bad luck. The reason that bad things happen to you, is because you're a dumb ass." Kanan's tone may have been kind and calm but his words were playfully rude.

"Jerk." I shot him a glare and he smirked back.

"Well cursed or not, at least your back to normal." Hera smiled as she put a hand on my shoulder supportively.

"Thankfully we all had your back, even when you were fighting against us." Sabine spoke up. "You even attacked Chopper!"

"Possessed or not, I don't blame ya, he totally deserves it." Zeb chuckled.

"I'm sorry for acting like that guys. I tried to fight it, really! It was so hard to watch you all fight me and be helpless to stop it. I hate myself for hurting you. It was like being trapped in a dream."

"A bad dream maybe." She smirked and I gave a smirk back.

"Well, now I hope for a good dream." I yawned, my words starting to slur. "I feel exhausted."

"Rest Ezra." Hera brushed her fingers thru my hair. "We've got you, you're safe now."

"I'll be more careful next time, promise." It was a hard lesson about keeping my nose out from where it didn't belong. But it's still not fair, I say it's Kanan's fault! He told me to do it, I was just listening to my masters advice. Or in this case, bad advice.

Chapter Text

Ahh guys! It finally happened, my perfect opportunity to get back at Kanan! He ended up getting sick. He never gets sick, like apparently not ever! I could finally treat him the way he treated me.... So why couldn't I do it!? Ugh. Well, this is what happened...

So on our last delivery mission, we brought some supplies to an orphanage run by an older man and woman who were taking care of all the little kids in the village who lost their parents or homes. Man that would've been a nice option to have back when I was younger. But anyway, Kanan and Hera and I made the delivery, we figured Zeb might scare them and Sabine was fixing Chopper who had busted off his leg on the supply run. It's fine, he totally deserved it, he was acting like an extra rude jerk, moreso than normal.

The three of us hung back to hand out the goods to all the happy little kids, they all wanted to play with us, especially with Kanan. Let me tell you, I've never seen him with little kids before but he was great with them! When it all comes down to it, he really wouldn't be that bad of a dad. But don't tell him I said that. But there was a secret problem none of us knew about until it was too late.

Apparently the orphanage had just gotten over an outbreak of nuna pox. I remember having that when I was really little, thankfully I don't remember much except for being super itchy and covered with little red dots. Hera had it too when she was a little girl. But Kanan? Well apparently at the Jedi temple he was vaccinated against it, only problem is the vaccines don't always work. You can still get sick, just maybe not as bad. But when you're an adult I guess it's a lot worse than when you get it at a kid and it can even get dangerous.

By the time we all found out it was too late, we had been exposed. Kanan started feeling hot and lethargic and nauseous. Hera and I were ok, but she needed to be careful because she didn't know if the strain could change and cross species. Sabine had been vaccinated against it as a baby but they didn't wanna run the risk of exposing her and having her catch it too. We weren't sure about Zeb, he was probably fine but we figured better to play it safe.

So who did that leave to take care of him? Why none other than yours truly! See? Immunity. I win! That's why you can't trust dumb doctors and their stupid shots. Detective painful lies! And no I'm not just saying that cause I'm scared, I just don't trust those creepy quacks, yeah that's all. Shut up! Ahem. So anyway Kanan had to be kept quarantined to his room. He felt too exhausted to leave except for the refresher anyway. I finally had a chance for payback of when he was so awful to me whenever I got sick. I should call this chapter Ezra's revenge! Or at least, that's what I had planned to do...

I marched confidently down the hall towards Kanan's room. I was bringing him some water and meds and a thermometer to annoy him. I chuckled slightly to myself then cleared my throat and straightened up to regain my composure. I didn't even knock, I just opened the door. Kanan hardly glanced up from his bed where he sat, I could tell he was already annoyed at the situation. Feeling crummy and stuck in bed, know the feeling dude. When he finally looked up at me I made sure to wear my biggest cocky smirk, standing tall and raising an eyebrow. I knew he could tell how smug I was feeling and I hoped it annoyed him even more. He finally rolled his eyes and let out a sigh.

"What is it Ezra, what do you want?"

"I brought you something." I strutted into the room and set down a large cup of water and some fever reducer pain killers. "Gotta keep hydrated and keep up on your meds."

"Uh huh, choice words of wisdom." He droned flatly. "Anything else?"

"Yeah, Hera got you this anti itch cream for your skin." I held it up and posed with a cheesy smile like a bad sales person in an advertisement.

"Cute." He frowned and held out a hand as I tossed it to him. "Is that all?"

"I figured I could keep an eye on you." I sauntered slowly around his room. "I mean, I am the only one strong enough not to catch your nuna pox."

"Yeah, cause you already had it."

"Hey, guess that's just my bad luck of getting sick actually working out in my favor for once. And yours! You should feel lucky to have somebody as talented as me taking care of you." I smugly floated the thermometer above my hand with the Force and twirled it around in a circle.

"Oh I feel so grateful." He groaned sarcastically. "Talented only by your cycles full of personal experience."

"Gotta monitor your fever you know, don't want you getting worse." I wear a devilish grin. "Here, open your mouth."

"Do you even have any idea what you're doing?"

"Nope." My sinister smile spreads wider.

"I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, thank you." Kanan held out his hand and pulled the thermometer away from me with his own Force energy, grabbing it and slamming it down on the table. I was starting to make him frustrated, good. "Now if there's nothing else, please leave so I can rest."

"But we gotta watch your temp and make sure you eat your meds." I walked over to the dresser to open the bottle of pills.

Kanan scoffed with mild amusement, "I'm an adult, pretty sure I can handle that on my own."

"Sh, sh, sh." I put a finger over his lips and totally take him by surprise. "Just calm down and let doctor Ezra take care of you."

"Wow. Doctor Ezra? How terrifying." He smirked and raised his eyebrows and had a chuckle. "I think I'm starting to see why you're so afraid of doctors."

"I'm not! Ahem...." I tried to lower the octave of my voice. "I'm not scared. I just don't like them...." I mumble as I look away.

"Right." Kanan snorts laughter from out of his nose. "Here, you wanna be helpful? Go get me something to eat. Something bland like crackers or cereal or something."

"Ah! Demoted from a doctor to a waiter!" I dramatically throw an arm over my face. "I am but your humble servant." I leave the room and hear him laughing quietly to himself. So far my plan to get even with him is not going as well as I thought, but I was just getting started.... I go to the kitchen and make him a bowl of oat porridge. It was nice and hot, hopefully it will burn his tongue and keep him quiet, I snort to myself with a smirk. I head back to his room. "Your nourishing gruel, your highness." I stop in my tracks and gasp with shock. Kanan is writhing and twitching in his bed, a desperately painful expression on his face. It looked like he was having a seizure. "Kanan!" I rush over to him and grabbed his arms. "What's wrong master, are you ok?" The first thing I noticed was how hot his skin felt and how flush his face looked. His fever must be spiking super high and the fit was not stopping, he was starting to sweat profusely. "Kanan please, please stop." My voice was choking with fear, I actually started tearing up, I had no idea what to do and felt powerless to help. Finally after what seemed like forever the spell finally passed and Kanan lay still, unconscious, his expression was exhausted. I finally managed to catch my own breath and try to wake him, shaking him gently. "Kanan...? Kanan...? Kanan... ?" My voice was a dry whisper, I was so afraid, tears starting to fall down my face. I couldn't lose him, I just couldn't! What was I gonna do? Finally he groaned and scrunched up his face, I felt his Force signature return. I perked up hopefully, "Kanan!?"

"Ugh, Ezra...." He grumbled and held his head. Finally opening his eyes, he definitely didn't look all there. "What happened?"

"Your fever spiked super high, you started having a seizure, I was so scared, I..... I didn't know what to do. It wouldn't stop. I couldn't do anything to help you." My voice started cracking and my eyes teared back up, I couldn't even fathom the thought of losing him, being without him, not like this.

"See? Not as fun and easy as you thought it would be, taking care of someone when they're sick." He smirked, closing his eyes and rubbing his head. I'm sure he had a horrible headache after that nasty spell.

"Heh...." I smiled weakly. "That's what you get for not letting me take your temperature."

"Please, knowing you, I can only guess where you would stick that thing."

"Hahah!" I laughed at his joke, I was so relieved to hear him feel well enough to poke fun, that was a good sign. "Here, I brought you something to eat. You really need to take those meds, I'm sure you really hurt after that spell, you feel super hot."

"Yeah, I've got quite the headache after that." He smirked sleepily.

"Careful." I picked up the bowl. "It's still hot." Suddenly I didn't really care about getting even with him, giving him a hard time or burning his tongue. I was still kinda scared, I just wanted my master to get better. I took a spoonful and blew on it, moving is towards his face. "Here."

Kanan smirked with amusement but took the spoon from me, "I can feed myself kid, I'm alright."

"Ok." I handed him the bowl, feeling a little helpless, and I think he caught that.

"Hey you don't have to worry. I just need to rest and keep hydrated and keep on my meds. This will pass in a couple rotations. I'll be feeling pretty miserable in the meantime, so I just need to go slow and be careful."

"But I need to watch over you and take care of you. I don't want that to happen to you again. I'll keep bringing you food and water and keep an eye on you."

"Thanks kid, you don't have to do that, but I get it. I can't leave the room, but other than that, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"Ok then. Well when you're done eating you really should take your temp, if it's really high I need to let Hera know."

"Noooo....." He practically laughed. "Do not tell Hera. She is so upset and worked up about this already. It'll be fine, don't worry. It's not like this is fatal, just unpleasant."

"But you still need to be careful. I'll stay with you, make sure you don't have another seizure like that. It was really scary."

Kanan paused briefly in thought and let out a sigh, "Ezra, do you know what the difference is between when you were sick and when I'm sick?"

"No. You're stronger?"

"Well, yeah, but no." He smirked at that. "When you were sick we were so paranoid because you kept getting worse and we had no idea what was wrong with you. We know what's wrong with me and we also know how to treat it. Now it's just waiting and time. You watch, I'll get better super fast, you'll see."

I smiled fondly, "I trust you master." He put a hand on my shoulder. Funny, he was the one sick and yet he was comforting me. "Well it's getting late. Finish your food and take your meds, I'll give you some privacy so you can use that cream and let you get some rest. Pretty sure you don't want me to sit and watch you sleep all night." He laughed slightly at that. "But you can wake me up if you need anything, even if it's just more water or an ice pack. Just let me know."

"I will Ezra, you're starting to sound like a broken holo recording, and thank you."

I smile at him and leave his room. I knew now he was gonna be ok. I had confidence in him, he knew what he was doing. I went to bed but slept light, I was so stressed and filled with anxiety I could feel it tight in my chest. I was tossing and turning with my thoughts to keep awake in case anything happened and Kanan needed me. But it was an uneventful night. I reached out to him with the Force a few times and he was sleeping soundly so I felt comfortable that he was ok.

Finally at some point sleep over took me because I ended up waking up and feeling that awful familiar feeling in my face, and it wasn't from Lasat smell. I let out a loud horrible sneeze that rocked my whole body. I sat up groaning and rubbing my face, the inside of my nose stinging like it was burned by Lasat sweat. You know that sneeze, that one super hard sneeze that just sets fire to your throat, where you know, oh kriff I'm getting sick. My head felt full of cotton, my ears and nose were plugged, and the pressure, ugh that horrible sinus pressure digging into your eye sockets, that just makes you feel like your skull is being squeezed by a vice at the same time a balloon is being forcefully inflated inside your head, and you just wanna drill holes in your face to let out the pressure. Ugh, I hate being sick. I guess karma jinxed me for wanting to get back at Kanan when he got sick. But no time to mope, I still have a job to do, I gotta take care of my master.

"Geez kid." I heard Zeb chuckle in the bunk below me. "Trying to wake up the whole ship or what?"

I just groan miserably and scrunch up my face as I climb down the ladder and head to the refresher. I looked at my face in the mirror and I looked like a hot mess. I felt my face, it was a little warm but didn't feel like I had a fever at least. I blew my nose several times but nothing wanted to come out and my stupid ears didn't wanna pop. Ugh whatever, I let my forehead fall and hit against the wall, as if that would open it up or knock some of the congestion loose. No such luck. I groaned and washed my face, then shuffled out into the hall. I was gonna get some water for Kanan, and myself, and go check on him.

"Morning." Hera smiled at me as I headed into the kitchen. I gave her a tired nod and went to grab the cups. "Nuh uh!" She frowned and grabbed me, turning me to face her. "What's wrong?" She immediately felt my face and neck.

I sighed and moaned, ever since I got super sick, anytime I seemed a little off they would always freak out, and by my appearance it was pretty hard to hide that I was not feeling well. "Sorry Hera." Dang my voice even surprised me, I tried to clear my throat a few times but even my back of my tongue felt swollen and sore. "Just a cold that's all, it's fine " I sniffled hard a few times and rubbed my nose.

"Oh Ezra." She bent down and rubbed her hand thru my hair, looking me over. "I think you got a sinus infection, probably from hanging around all those little kids."

"Great.... Defeated by child germs." I rolled my eyes and went to get water. "I'm gonna go check on Kanan. He did well sleeping during the night. Hopefully he'll get better soon."

"Good thing you're the one taking care of him, my poor little quarantine boys." Hera smiled and I laughed slightly, but she was right. "Thank you for watching him for us."

"A Padawan has got to protect his master." I winked and went to go take the cups of water and headed towards Kanan's room, "Hey Kanan. Are you awake?" I whisper as I walk inside and see him sitting on his bed, it looked like he was just getting up.

"I heard your little alarm clock, thanks for the wake up call." He smirked at me. "I can tell by your voice that you aren't feeling well either. Are you ok?"

"It's fine." I shrug, sitting down and handing him one of the cups. "Hera thinks I got a sinus infection from child germs."

Kanan laughed, "Yeah only you would." He patted my head and I smiled. He reached over and grabbed the thermometer, "Do you need me to check if you have a fever?"

"No I'm good." I held up my hand. "Don't need any Kanan germs on top of this."

"Oh I'm so hurt." He rolled his eyes playfully.

"Ugh not as much as I hurt." I groan and subconsciously rub my neck. Apparently that's one of my tells for when I'm starting to feel sick, I hold or rub my neck like I'm trying to protect it or something. Had no idea I even did that until I finally caught myself doing it one day. "Lousy kids." I grumble.

"Need me to take a look?" Kanan offers.

"No I'm sure it's nothing major." I turn up my nose and shook my head.

"You need to learn to look after your health better."

"Oh please, you're one to talk. Look at you! Sick from baby germs and a defective shot. Plus if I'm gonna be inspecting myself in a mirror all the time, I'm gonna be looking at what really matters. My hair! Making sure my outside looks good, not bothering with my inside."

"Hey it's what on the inside that counts." Kanan chuckled.

"That's something only an ugly person would say."

"No, THAT'S something an ugly person would say."

"Well it looks like you're feeling better at least." I smirk and roll my eyes. "But I'm glad."

"Yeah, guess we'll be spending a lot of time together after all."

"Not that that's a bad thing."

"We can't train but we can meditate."

"Ok, don't go and turn this into a bad thing."

Kanan raised an eyebrow, "Bet I get well before you."

"Hey, no fair! You have a day head start over me! Plus you have medicine, I don't."

Kanan made a face, he took out two of the pills and covered his hand over my mouth with them in it, "There, can't complain about my extra leverage now. Just in case you do have a fever, plus if you're feeling achy. Besides, my immune system is better than yours, so you're gonna need all the help you can get to beat me."

I took some swings of water to swallow the meds down, "Yeah but I'm younger and stronger!"

"Fine then. Is it a challenge?" Kanan held up his cup.

I smiled back confidently and tapped my cup against his, "Challenge accepted."

I won't tell you who won.... And no, it wasn't me.

Chapter Text

Guys! I have the best foresight. I'm so glad I ended up buying that tooka figure. Because know what was coming up? Sabine's birthday! I had no idea, but boy was I sure lucky. I was so excited to give it to her, I really hoped she would like it! She was turning 17 and in Mandalore culture that was the last year of youth before you became an adult. I had one whole cycle left, my last chance to impress Sabine and get her to like me before she grew up and grew out of me since I was still technically a child, ugh. I had to make sure I did this right.

Sabine was never really big on celebrating her birthday and the others never knew why. This was the first birthday since I had joined the crew, and considering how much I hated my birthday I could totally understand why somebody might not like it, but I didn't know why Sabine got so depressed. I wanted to help her feel better, but I needed to be careful, sharing her personal life isn't always her strong suit. Hera and Kanan told me to tread with caution, when Zeb brought up her birthday last year she threw Chopper at him! And no, you read that right.

Sabine was in her room cleaning and inspecting her armor. I figured a good segway to eventually lean into the topic of her birthday was to ask her more about Mandalore culture. I knew a little about the basics but not a whole lot, only that they were very proud and smart people and their warriors took the care of their armor very seriously and it was very personal.

"Hey Sabine." I poked my head inside. Her door was open, that was the only indication to when she allowed people to willingly come into her personal space. "Whatcha doin?" I took a few steps in, just to err on the side of caution.

"Oh, hey Ezra." She glanced up slightly, almost not realizing I was there because she was so focused. "Sorry, just working on my armor."

"I see that. Looks good!"

"Thanks."

"So.... I don't know many Mandalorian other than you, do they all personalize their armor with paints and designs like you do? That's pretty cool!"

"No." She smirked slightly and it almost looked a little sad. "It's actually quite opposite. When I was little and was starting to build my armor I wanted it to be so colorful and my mother hated the idea, saying everything had its place and needed to be uniform, that to tarnish it would be dishonorable and disrespectful to the beskar." She scoffed. "That almost made me want to do it more, just out of spite for the ridiculous custom."

"Did you hate all Mandalorian traditions?"

"Oh no, of course not. Just anything that would stifle my creativity. My father was an incredible renown artist."

"Really?" My eyes went wide, Sabine never talked about her past like this.

"He's definitely where I get my artistic side, much to the chagrin of my mother. How did opposites ever attract? I wanted to incorporate both of them into my armor because they were both equally a part of me. My father's art and my mother's style. You would've thought that would've been acceptable, but...."

"But no?"

"But no." She sighed and shot me a glance. "You're lucky you had supportive parents."

I grimace slightly and nod, "Yeah, I guess I was."

"Sorry."

"It's ok." I give her a small smile and finally reach her and sit down to watch her work and continue our conversation. "Well for what it's worth, I really love your armor. Not that you need my approval or anything!"

Sabine chuckled with amusement, "No I get it, but thank you." She gave me a smile and I smiled back.

"And I'm sorry about your mom not being more supportive of you."

"That's alright. I'm sure her attitude is actually what helped toughen me up."

"Can't have a weak Mandalorian!" I laugh.

"Oh you have no idea." She smirked and rolled her eyes to herself. "You don't know a fraction of Mandalore history. But...." She glance at me. "Maybe that's a topic for another day, I don't wanna bring you down and ruin our conversation."

"No, please! I want to know more. More about your customs and things like that. Like...." Here we go. "Like holidays and anniversaries and birthday's and celebrations, did you guys ever do fun things like that?"

I saw her hesitate, "Well..... I mean, yeah, of course, but.... My family is a bit different than most Mandalorian families."

"How so. Do you not celebrate holidays?"

She bit her lip, "Yes and no. Our family has a complex history and there are other clans that are not fans of ours, even some of my extended family harbors grudges."

"Geez! That's awful! It's not like you were war criminals or villains or anything."

Sabine didn't touch that comment, she just continued, "We kinda stopped celebrating things like Life Day and holidays like that because it just turned into messy drama. Things like my parents anniversary they could get away with because it was something for just the two of them to get away and celebrate on their own. But things like birthday's, well, we stopped doing them after what happened when I turned 13."

My eyes went wide, I was so close to the answer, but I had to be cautious, "What happened on your birthday? I mean! Only if you wanna tell me, that is."

"No, it's ok. I'll tell you." She spoke quietly, I could tell this was hard for her, I completely understand how hard it is to open up and feel vulnerable, I had to be careful and be supportive. "It was back when we still tried to celebrate things with others, you know, friends and extended family and things like that. My father had just had a successful exhibit premier and we were all so happy and proud of him. One of my family members truly hated my parents. When I was young she was civil towards me but she always felt my father was weak for being an artist and not a soldier, and that my mother was a traitor because of the differences in their past political agendas and being on different sides of opinions. But I guess when I was 13 it really was the last straw for my aunt Rook and she decided to really let my family know how everyone felt about us, including innocent little child me. She went on a rampage! Nobody stopped her, it was like they agreed with her. She destroyed all of my father's work, stole my mother's armor, anything she could get her hands on in our home she completely tarnished, and that included anything of mine. The gifts and food and cake were all displayed in a beautiful setting and she set it all on fire, then she proceeded to go into my room and smash anything that looked like it would be from my parents. I tried to protect my most prized possession but she took it from me. That was the last time I saw my aunt Rook and the last time we ever held any sort of celebration. It just felt tarnished after that. I had always looked up to her when I was little, so it hurt me to find out she hated me all along. It made me really feel like I had grown up that day. I saw how everyone truly felt about my parents and my family, and about me. I had never done anything to anyone. Something in me broke that day, I didn't care anymore, all I wanted was to clear my own name and make my own place in the world, to show everyone who I really was, that I was more than just my parents and my lineage and that I could be an incredible and smart and talented person and contribute to Mandalore and our culture. But, well, I guess things have a way of going, and.... here we are."

"Sabine, I....." I was honestly lost for words. Me, speechless. I know right? "Sabine, you may not realize it, nobody may realize it, but what you are doing, living to help others and standing against the Empire, I don't think there's anything in the galaxy that could be more of a great contribution than that. And you are somebody worth celebrating, and I'm sorry that happened to you."

"Thanks. But, doesn't change anything."

I think to myself, "Maybe it can...." She glanced up at me. I turned to her and smirked. "Do you trust me?"

"No, well, yeah, well...."

"Sabiiinnnneeeee!"

"Ok, ok fine, I trust you."

"I promise you! This is gonna be great." I give her a big convincing smile and head out of her room. I had the biggest bestest birthday party ever to plan! "Ok guys." I got the others together in a secret meeting that night while Sabine was in the refresher. "We need to get food and a cake and decorations!"

"We're in the middle of nowhere, won't be able to get anything fancy." Hera sighed.

"It'll be the thought that counts guys, trust me!"

"We can see what we can find on our supply run in the morning. Not sure we can find a cake, but at least some nice food." Kanan replied thoughtfully.

"What about gifts?" Zeb asked.

"I got that covered, I have a present for her."

"Really?" Hera raised an eyebrow slyly while Zeb and Kanan gave a smug look.

I blushed defensively, "Not like I planned it, I just, it just happened!"

"Alright, well tomorrow Kanan and I will go look for the food. Ezra, you can be in charge of finding any decorations, but don't don't hold your breath. Zeb, you will need to go with Sabine and distract her so she doesn't find out what we're doing."

"Got it." We all nodded, we had a plan.

I was too stressed and excited to sleep, the next morning I was the first one up. We all acted normal at breakfast to not give away anything, just a plain old regular day. We arrived at our stop and broke off into our teams. I trusted Kanan and Hera with the food, I knew I could count on Zeb being a good distraction, that left the hard part for me, decorations. We landed on a pretty desolate planet. Not much color, it was their fall season so most flowers were no longer in bloom or were wilting. I found what I could growing out in the land. In the market place the shops didn't have a lot of options either. Thankfully I had been saving up my credits and this was something I had no hesitation on spending them on, Sabine deserved a happy birthday for once. I bought some fabric and cloth that had the most color I could find, maybe use them as a table cloth or backdrop or cut them up to hang like ribbon or streamers. I only hoped the food hunting was going better than my decoration hunting. Zeb announced that the supply run was done and Hera confirmed, as did I, hopefully that meant she had some good luck. Zeb was keeping Sabine occupied in the cargo bay so we could sneak the food and decorations on. I hid the supplies in our room because I knew she would never go in there. I went into the kitchen to check with Kanan and Hera.

"Any lucky?"

"We found some nice food, nothing fancy. They didn't have ingredients to bake a cake so we bought some local pastries. Better than nothing I guess?" Kanan shrugged.

"We'll make it work. Can't make it too extravagant or it might make her uncomfortable." Hera made a good point.

"Ok so I figure we can wait until she uses the refresher tonight and then we can set it all up to surprise her."

"Any lucky finding decorations?" Hera asked.

"Found the best I could, but maybe it's for the best, like you said, we don't want to go too overboard and run her off."

"Well sounds like we have a plan." Kanan nodded. "Let's hope it goes without a hitch."

That evening Hera and Kanan were working on dinner when Sabine walked in, "Hey. Dinner running late?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry." Hera flashed a grimace. "Had some technically difficulties but all good. If you want you can hit the refresher first so you're not just waiting around?"

"Yeah, good idea, I'll do that." She nodded and walked away.

"So far so good." Kanan pulled out his com. "Ezra, we're good to go."

"Copy Kanan."

I got everything ready. I went into the hall and made sure I could hear water running in the refresher, then I grabbed everything and ran to go set things up. I used one of the fabric as a nice table cloth, I started to hang the cut up streamers and set the flowers I got around and put the prettiest ones in the middle of the table. I put the gift next to it, I found a nice little box and colored it and drew on it with some old art supplies I had found when I first got this notebook. I made sure everything looked good and then I headed into the kitchen where the good was just about done.

"How's it going out there?" Kanan asked.

"All ready. Let me help you guys get everything set." I grabbed some of the plates and bowls and we all took everything out and set it up to look nice and arranged and eye pleasing.

"I found these drinks while shopping, nothing expensive but at least it's better than water." Hera held up some unique looking colorful bottles and set them around the food.

"Guys!" Zeb ran into the room. "She finished getting ready, she's coming out of her room."

"Turn off the lights! Get into position and hide!" I pointed for Zeb to hit the switch and the room went dark, we all hid out of sight.

Moments later we heard Sabine walk in, "Guys, what happened? Why are the lights out, more technical difficulties? Did you blow a fuse?" Silence. "Where is everyone?" She felt along the wall and found the switch.

The moment she flipped the switch and the lights blinked back on we all jumped out and yelled, "SURPRISE!"

"Whaa.....?" She was absolutely shocked and froze in place.

"Happy birthday Sabine!" I threw my arms out to show off our setup. "Hope you enjoy your special dinner!"

"Guys, I.... I....." She was absolutely stunned and lost for words.

"Before you start throwing things, just know it was the kid's idea." Zeb moved me in front of him as a human shield, I just rolled my eyes.

"Ezra...."

"I'm sorry Sabine. I didn't mean to tell the others. I just wanted to surprise you, to show you that you matter and that you have a new family that supports and cares and you."

"I....." Sabine rubbed her eyes as they started to get glassy, she sniffled back the tears before they could form. "Thank you."

"Well come on then!" Kanan waved her over. "Before the food gets cold!"

"Happy birthday Sabine." Hera gave her a hug and led her to the table.

"It's nothing fancy but, we did the best we could." Zeb shrugged.

"No." Sabine looked around and smiled. "This is perfect." We all ate and drank and talked and laughed, it made me so happy to see Sabine smile and participate and seem so happy and relaxed.

"Ok there's one more surprise for you." I spoke up. I placed the box in front of her. "This is for you. I thought of you the moment I saw it." I shrugged nervously. "I hope you like it."

"Awwwww Ezra, I love the box! It's so cute, did you make that?"

"Yeah." I rubbed the back of my head and looked away awkwardly.

Sabine carefully opened the box and unwrapped the tooka and let out a gasp, "Ezra...."

"What do you think, do you like it?" I started to get a little worried when she froze up after the revealing gasp.

"Ezra..." She choked up, starting to cry. "Where, where did you find this?"

"At the black market, when we did that last job for Vizago."

"Ezra." She put a hand over her mouth, she was speechless, tears started to fall down her face.

"Sabine, what's wrong?" Hera asked with concern.

"This was..... This was my figurine my aunt Rook stole from me on my birthday. I never thought I would see it again. I just figured she destroyed it. My dad had it made specially for me. You have no idea how much this means to me." She tried to wipe the tears away as they fell but they kept pouring out.

"I'm glad I was able to rescue for you then." I smiled. "Happy birthday Sabine."

We all finished the last of the food but it was starting to get late and we were all tired after our busy day. I cleaned up the decorations while Zeb helped Kanan and Hera with the dishes, we made sure there were no leftovers, sorry midnight snack. Sabine had been sorta quiet the rest of the party, more than just her usual aloofness, but we didn't wanna pressure her so we just let her be. That night as I walked towards my room to go to bed I walked by her room and the door was open. I snuck a peek inside and smiled. Sabine had placed the figure on the shelf above her bunk. She was staring at it and smiling in a way I almost never see from her, still wiping an occasional happy tear. I nodded to myself and continued walking. I was glad, I think I did the right thing. Hopefully my last cycle to impress her was off to a good start.

Chapter Text

It was a very special day, it was Hera and Kanan's anniversary. He wanted to do something special and surprise her. She was out for the day running errands for Fulcrum so it left him free to get things ready. He got her some beautiful flowers and a nice basket of her favorite meiloorun, and he also was going to cook her a nice home made meal. He didn't cook often but according to him he was pretty good, he learned a few helpful skills at the Jedi temple other than fighting. I would see him help out in the kitchen sometimes, but the first time I really actually saw him making things was for Sabine's birthday party. But I knew that something like this was going to be a major undertaking. He looked a little stressed and frazzled, he was gonna need help, my help! And no I'm not a great cook but helping can't be that hard, right? Besides an apprentice has to look out for his master.

"Hey Kanan, what are you doing?" I asked as I walked in the kitchen.

"Uhh not now Ezra, I'm a little busy." I don't even think he heard what I said, he was so stressed and focused he just heard my voice and dismissed me.

I raised my eyebrow playfully, "I think I'm gonna go join the dark side, all these Sith seem really strong and cool."

"Look, you do whatever you want, just stay out of trouble." He muttered as he rushed back and forward.

I tried not to laugh, this was too easy, "I'm gonna tell the emperor all of the rebel secrets, maybe he'll make me his apprentice and I can become a Sith lord?"

"Ok Ezra, just be careful."

"Wow!" I finally couldn't hold it in, I burst out laughing.

Kanan whirred around and looked at me, "What?"

"You really didn't hear a single word that I just said did you?"

He looked away to turn down on the the stove top burners, "Umm no sorry Ezra, I'm a little preoccupied at the moment. Did you need something?"

"No, but you do." I walked up next to him and looked at what he was doing.

"And what do I need?"

"Help." I pointed to myself proudly with my thumb. "My help."

He let out an exasperated sigh, "Ezra I don't need your help. You still burn toast for crying out loud. Remember when you tried to help make Hera breakfast in bed?"

"I didn't burn the waffles tho!"

"True, but they were still half frozen."

"I can do things Kanan, I can help!"

He shook his head, "I don't have time to argue kid, I've got a lot of work to do before Hera gets back later. You wanna help? Fine, but you have to listen and stay out of the way."

"You got it master!" I gave him a salute and stood up straight like a soldier.

"Wash those fruits and veggies and then cut them up into small pieces."

"I'm on it!" I rushed over the the sink and got to work, throwing glances to see what Kanan was doing with the stove and oven. "What are you making?"

"Well." He took a breath and wiped his brow. "I've got nuna legs baking in the oven, I'm boiling water to cook the pasta on the stove and the other pan is simmering to make the sauce."

"Wow! You really do know how to cook!"

He chuckled tiredly, "Yeah well, they make sure to teach the younglings lots of basic life skills, as a Jedi you never know what may be asked of you and what you might need to do. Better to be as prepared for life as possible."

"That's pretty cool." I finished chopping. "Ok what do you want me to do with these now?"

"Alright, so I'm going to put the veggies with the sauce and then the fruit is going to go on that nice tray over there. I was going to try and put it in a nice arrangement."

"I can do that!" I grabbed the tray Kanan was referring to, it had pretty designs on it.

"Be careful. That tray is from Ryloth, it was her mom's so it's very special to her."

"Oh wow, really? I'm glad she's able to have some things from her home world with her." I began to place the cut up fruits nicely, trying to put them in a nice design that hopefully they would like.

"Looks like the pasta is finally done." He turned down the temperature gauge and powered off the sauce pan. "I need to drain the water but it's very hot, stand back so the steam doesn't burn you." I jumped back and held up two pan lids like shields, making Kanan laugh. "Ok well, you don't need to go that overboard." He poured out the steaming water and then put it back on the low heat, adding the sauce and veggies I cut up. "You did good cutting everything up, they are just the right size."

"Well I'm glad at least I can do that right." I laughed, finishing up with the tray.

"Looks like the nuna legs are about done too." He opened the oven.

"Wow that smells great!"

"Yeah, you gotta get the seasoning just right. Nuna legs can be tricky to cook, they can dry out if you cook them too fast and too high. That's why I cook them on low for a longer period of time so they stay juicy and keep the flavor and texture."

"I never realized cooking was so complicated. No wonder I can't cook toast or waffles."

He smirked, "At least you know how to make cereal." He looked at the tray. "And fruit. Wow, that looks really nice! You did a great job Ezra, better than I can do."

"Hey, Sabine isn't the only artist with some talent in this ship." Case in point with this journal, what up guys!

Kanan finally turned off the stove and oven, "Ok now just need to let things cool off. Be careful not to touch anything, it's still very hot."

"I won't master, I won't. Hey I can go set the table next."

"Good idea. Hera will be back soon." I ran to go get the nicer plates that we had saved for special occasions. "Be careful with them, I got them for our first date, the first time I cooked for her."

"Wow. Who knew that tough Jedi Kanan had a soft sweet center around all those rough edges." I smirked.

"Oh be quiet." He rolled his eyes but I could see him blushing slightly.

I set the table, putting out the pretty table cloth from the party and putting the bouquet in the middle, placing the dining ware around it. "I think it's ready Kanan, what else do I need to do?"

"You...." He paused, hearing the Phantom. "Need to get out of here, Hera is back."

"Awww, but...." He shoved me out of the room.

"We're done Ezra, thank you, I will take it from here."

He pushed me away and I walked off with a groan. I decided to hide and watch, using my old crawling in the vents trick. I watched him place the food on the plates and then lit some candles, turning off the lights. He picked up one of the flowers and sat in a very silly smug pose. Was he trying to look attractive? I tried very hard to hold back my laughter. Finally I heard Hera walk in.

"Hello, anyone here? Why are the lights out? Wait, what's that smell...." She gasped as she walked in and saw Kanan and his display.

"Hey gorgeous."

"Kanan! I....."

"Happy anniversary." He stood up and handed her the flower he was holding, picking up her hand and kissed it. "I bet you had a busy day, I hope you're ready for dinner?"

"Kanan! Oh, you made all this for me?"

"I also got you this." He motioned towards the flowers and basket of meiloorun.

"Oh Kanan, I love them!" She sat down, leaning in to smell the flowers.

"And that's not all." He pulled a bottle out of the basket. "Some meiloorun liquor wine to go with dinner." He picked up a glass and poured her some.

"I can't believe you still remember the drink I got on our first date."

"How could I forget? I knew from the moment I first saw you that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.".

"Why Kanan Jarrus, you little imp." She laughed, taking a sip of the wine. "Oh wow this takes me back."

"To when we were young and dumb?"

"We might not be as young as we used to be...."

"But we can still act dumb." He winked.

"Speak for yourself!" She laughed, shoving him playfully.

"Come on, let's eat while it's still warm." He poured himself a glass and raised it. "Here's to another wonderful cycle together."

Hera raised hers, "And to many, many more." They interlocked arms and drank. "Please don't have too much Kanan."

"Don't worry, I won't, I'll be careful." I watched them eat dinner, trying to prevent my own stomach from growling. Kanan paused and smirked to himself, "You wanna know something cute?"

"I already do." She smirked playfully.

"What? Ohh, Hera!" He blushed slightly.

"Ok, ok I'm sorry, what is it love?" She smirked behind her hand.

"Ezra saw me working in the kitchen and wanted to help."

"Aww, bless his heart." Hera giggled.

"No, he was a big help actually, he even made that design on the fruit tray."

"Wow really? I should've known it wasn't you, looked too nice to be any of your handy work."

"Hey...." Kanan smirked playfully and I tried not to laugh, glad at least to get a little credit.

"Wow this was great." Hera leaned back with a sigh as she finished her food. "I forget how wonderful of a cook you are."

"Ezra was surprised too. I like to keep a few tricks up my sleeve."

"Well I don't know about you, but I'm so full I'm ready to take a nap."

"Then let's get you to bed." Kanan made a strange growl.

"Oh Kanan please, not right now, I'm too full!"

"Awwww come ooonnnnn....." Kanan whining nearly made me lose it, geeze why was so important to get her to go to bed?

"I forget you can become a whiny drunk."

"I'm not drunk." He snorted.

"Well I better help you clean up in here." Hera stood up.

"No, no, you get some rest. You had a busy day."

"So did you."

"Just get to bed."

"Alright, alright." Hera rolled her eyes. "There's still a little food left, want to save it for leftovers?"

"Oh no." I felt a tickle in my nose. I had been in the vents too long, the dust was getting to me. I held my breath and backed away, trying not to sneeze, but I finally couldn't hold it in any longer. "ACHOO!" Hera looked up in shock and Kanan looked around, finally glancing up at the vent and smirking.

"I think I'll keep the leftovers for my little helper, I'm sure he's hungry."

"Well isn't that nice of you to share. Alright, I'm going to get ready for bed then." She got up and left the kitchen.

After a few moments Kanan spoke up, "You can come out now Ezra."

I jumped down from one of the hatches and rubbed my nose, "I'm sorry Kanan."

"Don't be. You helped me make tonight nice for Hera. It's only fair for you to have some of the food too."

"That's ok, you don't have to...." My growling stomach cut me off. "On the other hand...."

"Thought as much." He set a plate down in front of me and put the rest of the food on it.

I took a bite and my eyes went wide, "Wow. What's with this food..."

"What do you mean?"

"It's so...... Delicious!"

"Told ya I'm a good cook!"

"You should make food like this more often."

"Hah! Do you know how expensive this is? We're on a budget kid." His words made me stop eating and immediately put the fork down, he caught himself. "But every once in a while for a special occasion is fine." He picked up the fork and stuck it back in my mouth. "Don't waste food kid."

I smirked and chewed the bite, "Yes master." He started cleaning up, I jumped up. "Here let me help."

"No." He pushed me back into my seat. "You helped enough, finish your food."

"But I helped make the mess too. I might not be able to cook, but I am able to clean."

"I know and I appreciate it." He put the dishes in the sink and began to scrub them.

"Kanan...." We heard Hera's voice. He immediately stopped what he was doing and cleaned off his hands.

"Ok kid, you wanna clean? You clean." He threw me the apron and ran out of the room.

I laughed to myself, "See? I knew you would need my help, you must be tired after all your work today too." I finished the food and put the last of the fruit in the fridge, then went to do the dishes he left. I smiled to myself, "I hope you had a nice anniversary guys, I'm glad I could help."

Chapter Text

Hey guys, sorry it's been a while since my last entry, but we had a huge new development! So we've had some new friends on the Ghost lately since joining up with the rebellion and it's been great! Ahsoka is a Jedi like Kanan, I wonder if they knew each other when they were at the temple? They don't seem to recognize one another, must've been a pretty big place, maybe they never ran into each other. The other newbie is a clone named Rex, an honest to goodness legit clone! Yeah, like from the clone wars kinda clone! Pretty cool huh? It's been great having them around too, Ahsoka has been training me with my light saber and Rex has been helping me with shooting practice. I thought it was awesome, but apparently Kanan didn't, and he was taking it out on me. What's his deal anyway? Yeah I get it, he told me about Order 66, but Rex isn't bad, he hasn't done anything wrong. But Kanan still doesn't trust him and acts so hostile towards him. Weeks of arguing and sensing the hostility, not fun for a Force sensitive. Wish Kanan would teach me how to block all that out. It was really starting to get to me. I needed to finally confront him about this.....

"Kanan, we need to talk..."

"What is it Ezra?" Great, he already sounded annoyed.

"Look. I already know how you feel about Rex. I get why you don't trust him, but he can't help that he's a clone, and he hasn't done anything wrong or hurt any of us. Ahsoka trusts him, why can't you give him a chance?"

"I already told you about happened with Order 66, you can't get over something like that. You weren't there, you're in no place to lecture me!"

"I get it Kanan, I get it, I really do. And I can understand not being able to forgive and forget about what happened in the past, but we need to worry about the future. Ahsoka said he didn't kill a single Jedi, he deserves a second chance, just like we all did. We need all the help we can get in the war against the Empire."

"I still don't like you spending so much time with him."

"He hasn't done anything wrong, he's only ever been nice to me and has been helping me. And to you! Despite how you treat him. He's helped me with improving my shooting, I'm learning a lot from him! I figure you of all people would be happy with me actually taking lessons seriously."

"Jedi training lessons! You're wasting your time. Jedi use light sabers not guns."

"Then what am I?" I hold up my blaster saber in his face.

Kanan sighs with frustration, "Ezra... that's not.... that's not what I mean." He turned and walked away. "I'm your master Ezra, I'm the teacher and you're the student. I don't appreciate you learning conflicting things from somebody who we just barely met."

"I'm sorry Kanan, I didn't mean to upset you. But please, you have to understand my view and Rex's side too. How am I supposed to get better with my blaster if nobody else is able to teach me? I'm not replacing you with anybody Kanan, and I never ever will, you need to let go of your insecurities with Rex." I turned and left in the other direction. Kanan stopped and glanced back at me before walking away.

I went to go talk to Hera about this and get an outside opinion on the situation. She sighed thoughtfully, "I can see both sides of this but trying to find a common ground or resolution is the tough part. Kanan may never completely trust Rex and I can understand why. We see that Rex means no harm and is a great valuable asset to our rebellion. I wonder if Ahsoka has tried talking with them about this? She is a Jedi but she still trusts Rex, maybe she could persuade Kanan."

"That's a good idea Hera, thank you." I headed out to go try and find Ahsoka. She was up in the gunners nest mediating under the stars. "Hey, sorry to interrupt. You have a sec?"

"Sure. What is it Ezra?" She stood up and jumped down to meet me.

"Look..... Rex has been helping me with my shooting practice and Kanan is pretty upset about it. He still doesn't trust Rex and says it's a waste of time for me, even tho a blaster is half of my weapon. He said real Jedi don't use guns, so what does that make me?"

"I don't think he means anything against you, he's just speaking out of pain."

"I know, but it still hurt me."

"I'm sure he didn't mean to upset you."

"That's beyond the point. He's can hurt me all he wants, but my concern is him and Rex. If you both are going to be a part of our team now, Kanan needs to learn to trust him."

"You weren't around during Order 66, we were both about your age when the clones turned on us. You have no idea the horrors we went thru."

"I know, and I understand that too. But both you and Rex were able to overcome it, together. I wish Kanan could see that Rex is harmless. You're a Jedi and you trust him. Can you think of a way to get Kanan to finally see him in a new light?"

"I'm not sure...." She rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "I can try and think of something."

"Thank you Ahsoka, please, any way you can think of would be a huge help! I hate that they always fight. They are both great teachers and great people, I just want them to get along."

"Get along...." Ahsoka continued to think. Then she smirked, she had an idea. She led me down to the cargo bay to go thru some supplies. "I remember when I was little there was a joke back at the council about having a 'get along shirt' for masters and apprentices who were having issues, or fellow younglings who weren't getting along."

"Pretty sure they could tear out of a shirt in a few seconds." I chuckle, but could only imagine the idea of Kanan as a child being stuck in a giant shirt with a young Rex.

"True. But the concept of the idea remains the same." She finally found what she was looking for.

"Handcuffs?" I blink in surprise.

"These are actually very special handcuffs. They were designed to repress ones ability to use the Force, so Kanan won't be able to get them off. He and Rex will have to work together and talk it out to get over their differences in order to get them off."

"Wait. There's a key isn't there....?"

"There is." She handed it to me. "And it will be up to you to release them when the time is right."

"Wow!" My eyes lit up. "This is such an awesome plan!"

"You have no idea the kinda tricks I used to get away with when I was a Padawan." She smirked.

"I feel sorry for your master." I laughed.

"Oh please." She rolled her eyes. "Sky Guy taught me everything I know."

"Then let's go put his teachings to the test...."

Ahsoka and I went to go put our prank plan in motion. We found Rex first, he was asleep in one of the speeders he had been repairing. Ahsoka quietly put one of the cuffs on him and then the next step was to lure Kanan down. She stayed with Rex while I went to go find my master. He was in the main room talking to Hera. I told him I needed his help down in the lower deck and he followed me. I shot a glance back at Hera and winked, causing her to smirk, realizing that I was up to something good. Ahsoka was blocking the view of Rex, she had covered him slightly with one of the tarps.

"There you are." She sighed as Kanan and I arrived. "Here I need you to check on this speeder, it's making a really weird sound. I'm worried the engine is going bad or might explode or something."

"That's strange. Let me take a look." Kanan walked over. I followed him carefully and eyed Ahsoka, when she nodded at me I tripped up Kanan and caused him to stumble forward. In a flash Ahsoka locked his hand in the other cuff. "Hey, what the...."

"What.... what's going on?" Rex finally woke up, he looked down at his hand. "Hey, what's this?"

"This is an ultimatum." Ahsoka folded her arms and I stood next to her. "You both are going to talk things out and make peace. If we are all going to be working together we can't have you both working against each other."

"But...." Kanan and Rex stammered.

"Understood!?" Ahsoka was scary when she was angry.

The boys both sighed and hung their head, "Yes mam."

"And don't worry..." I smirked. "I have the key."

"What? Give it to me!" Kanan held out his hand.

"Nope. You both have to earn it."

"Oh I'll show you....." Kanan reached out with the Force, but froze when nothing happened. "Hey, why isn't...."

"Oh I forgot to mention." Ahsoka added. "These cuffs repress one's ability to use the Force. You both will have to work things out fair and square."

"Force repressors? Aww come on!" Kanan moaned.

"Better start talking." Ahsoka walked away. "They're all yours Ezra."

"Thanks." I smirked down smugly at them.

"I can't believe you would do something like this Ezra." Kanan grumbled.

"I can. He's a crafty little guy, got good wits about him." Rex laughed gruffly.

"Yeah and who do you think taught him those wits?"

I spoke up, "You're both excellent teachers and are important to me and the rest of the crew, I value both your teachings and appreciate you helping me improve myself. I understand you may never be friends, but can you at least put your differences aside so we can all work together?"

"Smart kid." Rex smirked.

"Yeah, I taught him that sense and sensibility too."

"I get it." Rex rolled his eyes. "The relationship between a master and apprentice is a sacred bond. I've seen my fair share. I'm not here to step on anybody's toes."

"I don't appreciate you teaching him behind my back, teaching him things opposite the way I'm teaching him. I feel invalidated."

"Ezra came to me for help. I only offered to help, I never forced him to do anything he didn't wanna do. Maybe he had to come to me because he felt like you weren't listening to him? Maybe you were making him feel invalid?"

"Is that..." Kanan glanced over at me. "Is that true...?" I looked away. Kanan sighed, "I'm sorry Ezra. Your blaster saber is a huge part of you, a defining part of the Jedi you are. I didn't mean to make you feel like you were anything less. You will always be my Padawan."

"Thank you master." I mumbled.

"And I never meant any disrespect." Rex spoke up. "I'm happy to help teach Ezra how to use his blaster better and improve his shooting, but Jedi training and light saber practice always come first. I have never told Ezra anything other than what a Jedi master would tell his apprentice to do or how he would want his Padawan to be."

"It's true Kanan. Rex has never said anything against you."

"And I know you will never trust me because I'm a clone, and I understand that. I will never force you to accept me because of what I am. But I do mean you and your crew and Ezra no harm."

"Yeah, I guess I can see that...."

"I'm not asking you to like me, but I am asking you to bury the hatchet so we can work together." Rex held out his free hand towards Kanan. "So, we may not be friends, but.... comrades?"

Kanan paused and then smirked and finally shook Rex's hand with his free hand, "Comrades it is."

"Ahh! Finally!" I sighed with relief. "Do you have any idea how much extra stress you've been causing us all?"

"Sorry about that kid." Kanan smirked apologetically. "Well, I guess you can free us now."

I looked down at the handcuff key and smirked, "Who says I have to release you...?"

"Wait, Ezra...." Kanan shot me a glare.

"Oh come on kid, let us go." Rex frowned.

"Sorry, I think I hear Hera calling me." I turned and walked away.

"Oh don't be a child Ezra!" Kanan growled.

"Sorry, I can't hear you!" I climbed up the ladder.

"Oh you son of a....." Kanan groaned.

"Guess you taught him that too huh?" Rex chuckled. Kanan just shot him a grimace.

I released them eventually, had to make sure they really bonded and got over their issues. And it worked too, because they were both really pissed off at me.

Chapter Text

Boy did I mess up guys..... So I had a genius idea to get Sabine to like me more! One day in the refresher I ran out of my soap, and I decided to use Sabine's. She wouldn't notice a little gone right? But then it hit me. She loved the way it smelled in her hair, if I could smell like something she liked then maybe she would like me? I mean that's just science right? Genius! But I got greedy, using it more and more often until Sabine finally noticed that somebody was using her stuff, and let me tell you, she was not happy!

"Ok. Whose doing this!" Sabine stomped into the main room and stood glaring at us with her hands on her hips.

"Doing what?" Hera asked, we were watching Zeb and Kanan playing sabacc.

"Somebody has been using my soap! And don't lie, I can tell!" She held up the bottle.

"Maybe you're just using more than you realize and lost track or something." Zeb shrugged, not taking his eyes off his cards.

"Sounds like an excuse from a guilty party." She squinted at him.

"Sabine." I spoke up calmly. "Look at him, he would need to use up your whole bottle. And trust me, I room with him, I can tell you he does not smell nice like you do."

"Not sure if I should thank you for defending me or feel insulted." Zeb snorted.

"Maybe." Sabine hummed with suspicion. "But I will find the culprit, just you wait." She turned and huffed out of the room, we all looked at each other and shrugged, then returned to the game.

That right there should've been my red flag to stop using her soap, but I ignored the warning and continued to use little bits of her soap. It had to work eventually right? She didn't even try to accuse me! Maybe it was already subconsciously working. Or so I thought..... Finally my luck ran out. I went to use some of her soap on my hair. After getting out of the sonic and drying off I looked at my reflection in the mirror and gasped..... My hair was tinted purple! And not just purple, shiney sparkly glitter purple! Oh man, she dye bombed the bottle! I jumped back in and desperately tried to wash it out, but even after several tries it would not come out. My heart started racing and pounding in my chest. What was I gonna do? I was gonna be in so much trouble! I snuck out of the refresher and ducked into my room. Thankfully it was empty so I got in my bunk and pulled the cover over my head. I was racking my brain, what could I do? Then it hit me. Maybe I could sneak into Sabine's room and find dye to return my hair to normal or possibly even a color remover? Yeah! She had to have something like that right? I let out a tense breathe, yeah this could work. It took a while but I finally calmed down enough to fall asleep.

The next morning I waited until Zeb left for breakfast before getting up. Sabine usually went to the refresher in the morning to shower so I waited until I heard her go into the refresher before sneaking into her room. I didn't want to be nosy and invade her privacy, but unfortunately I had no choice. Plus she would never know. I quietly looked in different cabinets and drawers trying to find her paint supplies and secretly begged the Force to not let me open an unmentionable drawer by mistake. Thankfully I found the drawer I was looking for and began to dig among the supplies. Success! I found the dye remover and a bottle to return my hair to its normal blue black color. With a sigh of relief I grabbed them both and closed the drawer and turned to go, but yelped out loud in surprise at who was blocking the exit.

"Sabine!?"

"Ezra." She glared at me. "Looking for something?"

"Uhh..... Uhhhh, well....." Come on brain, work! What was she doing back here? Why wasn't she in the shower?

"What's wrong?" She raised an eyebrow slyly. "Tooka got your tongue?" I swallowed hard but my tongue couldn't form the words to respond. "Well, spit it out sparkles. Gotta say, shiney purple looks good on you."

I let out a sigh of defeat and slumped down, "I'm sorry Sabine. It was me. I used your soap by accident one day and got the fool idea that maybe if I smelled like something you liked, that maybe you would like me better."

Sabine scoffed and rolled her eyes, "That's gotta be the most ridiculous things I've ever heard! But, pretty on par for you." I frowned with embarrassment.

"I'm really sorry Sabine. How can I make it up to you?"

"Well...." She looked me up and down and then smirked. "For starters you can keep your hair looking like that until I say otherwise."

"Awwwww really? Please!" Man was I hopelessly defeated.

"Nope!" She shook her head and held out her hand. "My bottles please." I sighed and handed them over. "I will let you know when you're off the hook, but believe me, it won't be until well after Zeb has reamed you royally several times over and run out of insults."

"I understand." I winced and handed over the bottles. She pointed for me to get out and I slunk out of her room like a guilty dog.

I wish I could say she forgave me quickly, but plenty of laughter and jokes and awkward missions and supply runs later, it took over 2 weeks until she decided to let me fix my hair. I was so relieved! The nice thing was she didn't trust me with her supplies, so she did it herself. It was nice to spend that extra time with her, even if she was intentionally pretty rough on my head while fixing my hair. You would think that would've been the only time I upset Sabine that month, and well, you would've thought wrong.

I spent a lot of my down time hiding on my bunk while avoiding ridicule on my hair. During that time I discovered a new comic on the holo net that I quickly became engrossed in. It was by an artist called Shadow Fox, the story was about a shadow fox who developed super powers when the empire took over a planet inhabited by only animals and set up a power plant that ended up exploding, releasing all sorts of chemicals and radiation into the environment. It destroyed the land and ruined many lives, however several animals developed super powers. Many used them for good, to help others and try and rebuild their home and lives. Others were angry and wanted revenge and used the powers for evil and selfish gains. That created a war between good and bad and a super hero team was formed. The story was intense and the art style was beautiful! Plus it was about animals. Unfortunately Sabine disagreed and got jealous of my new found interest and appreciation.

"Hey Ezra, what are you reading so intently? You didn't fall for another holo net scam did you?" Sabine smirked playfully at me as she walked in the room to find me scrolling on my data pad on the couch.

"Yeah right, very funny." I rolled my eyes as I glanced up from my reading. "Here, if you really care, look! Check it out, it's an awesome comic I've been following the last few weeks. It's by a new online artist called Shadow Fox."

Sabine took the data pad from me and gave it a look over, her brows furrowed and she frowned, "Well if this amateur hour is how you wanna waste your free time then that's on you." She tossed back the data pad with annoyance.

"Whoa hey!" I caught it and gave her a confused look. "What's wrong with you? It's art, I figured you of all people would appreciate it."

She whirled around with her hands on her hips to face me with a stern expression, "Just because you can draw some squiggly lines and add some color on the net doesn't make you an artist! True art means something, this no talent will fade away when these losers discover what real art is." She turned to storm out of the room.

"Wow. I never thought I would've heard such an insulting critique on another person's artistic efforts. Not everyone can be you Sabine. Your artwork is special and one of a kind! Nobody can compare. You know how much I love and appreciate your talent. But true art has no limits or bounds, and frankly I think this is beautiful. Better than anything I could do. I just figured you of all people would be able to appreciate this with me." She paused in thought before heading down the hall, but after a moment continued to stomp away. I let out a deflated sigh. "Great, she's upset with me again.... What did I do wrong this time?"

That night we all had dinner and she acted like nothing happened, treated me normally. I didn't bring it up again and as the week went by she never mentioned it or acted strangely towards me. She spent most of her down time in her room, but then again she always did that. I tried not to read too much into it and tried to keep all my reading on the comic on the net. Then I discovered something! A new artist appeared with a new comic! But wait, something about this style, the designs, the colors, the line placement, it was all too familiar. I smirked slyly to myself. I would recognize Sabine's work anywhere. And calling yourself Star Bird? Aha, so she was jealous! Jealous of me looking at somebody else's work instead of only having eyes for her. Ahh it was all starting to make sense. Don't get me wrong, I was enjoying both comics until I noticed something on a new chapter update. Shadow Fox introduced a new villain, a Phoenix looking creature called Star Bird. I went back to Sabine's page and looked at her last few updates. She had begun blatantly calling out Shadow Fox! What the heck? Two artists online attacking each other? This was getting kinda weird. I had to confront Sabine about this. Jealousy was one thing but this wasn't right. She had gone too far to insult somebody like that.

"Sabine!" I burst into her room, the door was open by the way, I waved my data pad. "What the kriff?"

"Oh, hey Ezra." She glanced up calmly. "See something good on the holo net?"

"Very funny. What in the galaxy are you doing? Insulting and attacking another artist just because you're jealous? Both of you can be admired equally! This isn't like you Sabine. You've taken things too far. What's up?"

Sabine just snorted and shrugged, "Hey, this amateur started it. She was copying me and yet she was getting credit and popularity for my work? She's a thief! Any artist would defend their art like that. If she wants to come at me she knows how she can find me."

"What are you talking about?" I didn't get to inquire any further until I heard her comm go off. In watched with curiosity as Sabine picked it up and smirked, answering it.

"Brave of you to call, Shadow Fox. Or should I say..... Ketsu."

"Ketsu!?" My jaw dropped.

"Hey sister." I could practically hear her smirk smugly, on the the other end.

Sabine scowled, she looked like she wanted to hit something, or someone. Last time she had that look around me was when we were telling ghost stories in the dark when the power supply was low. I had made a joke about Mandos being scaredy cats and she ended up hitting me in the face with the flashlight. Ended up breaking the light, but at least not my nose. I know Sabine and Ketsu had a bit of a mixed past, but I thought they had reconciled last time they met. Whatever was going on now seemed personal, and especially when it came to her art, there was nothing more personal to Sabine in the entire cosmos than that.

"So. Anything specific you want to talk about? Or maybe, apologize to me for?"

"Apologize!?" Ketsu scoffed back some sarcastic laughter. "For what?"

"You are completely plagiarizing my work! Making a mockery of my style online for the entire galaxy to see! And the worst part? You are gaining popularity from it!"

"Ok hold on, back up. You think I'm impersonating your artistic style online to gain fame and insult you?"

"That's what it looks like to me." Sabine folded her arms.

"Girl...." Ketsu let out a sigh and lowered her tone. "Sabine. Do you really think I would do something like that?"

"You? Yes. I thought maybe we had grown past our differences, but, then I go and see you try and pull something like this?"

"Sabine, pause and think back a bit. Remember when we were younger? When we first got together?"

"Yeah, and?"

"Doing art, drawing, tagging, that's what drew us together." Nice pun. "That's how we first bonded."

"You were always jealous. My artwork was so much better than yours." Sabine rolled her eyes.

"It was." Ketsu replied honestly and it caused Sabine to go silent in shock at her blatant honesty. "We inspired each other, we pushed each other, made ourselves better. In everything . In art and in life. Of course I would pick up some of your techniques as I grew. My style is an homage not an impersonation. Do you really think I would stoop so low?" Sabine sunk slightly and didn't respond. She had. "Your art is as important to you as your armor. There are some things you don't just mess with. I'm sorry if you thought I was mocking you."

"No." Sabine finally spoke back up, her voice quiet as she held up the data pad, looking at the comic online, she let out a sigh and smiling slightly. "I hate to admit it but, I really do love your comic. It's really cute and it's story is beautiful and filled with hope for the younger ones, especially those hit hard by the empire. I can tell how much time and effort and passion you put into it. No wonder it's so popular."

"If you look closely your might see that some of the characters are based on people I've met."

Sabine started the scroll along the panels and laughter sputtered from her lips, "Oh man! Is that me as a loth bat?"

"Yup!" Ketsu laughed.

"Look!" Sabine handed me the pad and I smiled, it was a graceful bat with a tuft of purple hair flying heroically in the air.

"Keep going and you might find another familiar face." Ketsu spoke up. Sabine and I gave each out a curious glance and then went back to scrolling. I let out a cry and Sabine broke into laughter. "You find it?" Ketsu sounded amused.

"Is that me!?" I gasped

"Sure is." Ketsu replied. "Like it?"

"I look like a fool!" I whined. She had turned me into a scrawny mangey doglike creature with messy dark hair and a long nose and a pathetic sad looking face.

"Oh man! You captured him perfectly!" Sabine was rolling. "Right down to the big nose." She booped me.

"Owww hey." I held my face, that hurt.

"Oh no." Sabine leaned in close.

"What is it?"

"Ezra, you have a huge zit right on your nose."

"What!?" I ran into the refresher to check my face in the mirror and what I saw made me scream and cry out loud! Even with my cries of agony I could still hear the laughter of Ketsu and Sabine over my own voice.

Well, at the end of it all, I was glad the two of them were able to make up, albeit a little bit at my expense. And that zit? Ugh that horrible painful zit! Good luck hiding something like that when it's plain on your face. I'll spare you all the teasing and taunting I got, especially from Zeb. From purple hair to a zit. What a month. Kanan even joked that I finally hit puberty. Ha hah, very funny. The worst part about it was later in the week when I looked at the new comic update and it had a crying loth cat with a large painful zit on its nose. Zeb thought it was hilarious and couldn't stop laughing, he went to mock me and boop my nose and his nail accidentally sliced the zit open. It was both painful and gross, and unfortunately, worst of all, none of it got on Zeb. I really hope my month of humiliation is finally over, my pride is pretty wounded after all of that.

Chapter Text

Hey guys. So today we had a few hours of down time alone while Kanan and Hera were out, so Zeb and Sabine had shenanigans in mind! I was relaxing on my bunk trying to catch up on some much needed rest, so Sabine told me about what happened before I was so rudely awakened, that's how I was able to share it with you all.

"Hey Zeb, we've got some time until Hera and Kanan come back from their secret little mission."

"Mission. Bah, that's what they're calling it?"

"I know." Sabine rolled her eyes. "Can't believe they still think they get away with hiding it, it's pretty obvious."

"I dunno, the kid is too daft to know any better." No idea what they're honestly talking about. "Can't believe he's so oblivious, doesn't believe in a lot of things."

"Like what?" Sabine tilted her head curiously.

"Well for one, brat doesn't think he snores."

"Ezra snores?" Sabine scoffed with laughter. "Well to be fair, hard to tell if anybody snores over the racket you make."

"Eh, nothing to be ashamed of. It's the Lasat snout." Zeb shrugged carelessly. "Dunno why he gets so bent out of shape about it."

"Never took the little guy as a snorer."

"Why do you think I'm not on my bunk cleaning my bo rifle? Kid's in there sawing away."

"I don't believe you."

"Wanna bet?" Zeb raised a brow.

"Sorry, you cleaned me out after sabacc." Sabine shrugged.

"Come on, I'll show you!"

Zeb led Sabine to our bunks where I was innocently sleeping and minding my own business. Now for the record guys, yes I never thought I snored. Nobody ever told me! How would I know what I do when I'm asleep? I could sing for all I know. But Zeb then goes and mocks me about it one night and acts all accusatory when he's one to talk! Yeah maybe I got defensive, but to be fair, I was a little embarrassed about it. Was gonna be even more humiliated when Sabine saw me all sprawled out on my back, tongue lolling out of mouth open with snores roaring thru the room. Hey I was tired, Kanan hit me with a grueling training session, give me a break! Sabine desperately tried to muffle her laughter behind her hands, her eyes tearing up at my pathetic sight.

"Oh stars!" She finally sputtered out. "For such a short stack he can really be loud."

"Told ya so!"

"And he doesn't believe you huh? We should make a holo of this."

Zeb wore a sneaky smirk, "I dare you."

"What?" Sabine turned to him.

"I dare you to make a holo. No, I double dog dare you!"

Sabine had a twinkle behind her eyes, "Well, can't turn down a double dog dare without repercussion." She ran into the main room and came back with a holo recorder, she and Zeb trying to hold back their giggles as she climbed the ladder and awkwardly held it over me. "This is so funny. He looks so undignified and ungraceful, Chopper is gonna have a field day with this! Oh I can't wait to show him."

"Can't wait till Ezra sees it for himself."

"Almost done." Sabine whispered and when she finished the recorder made a whirring noise as it hung right over my face. "Got it!"

"Ehh? Huh wha....?" There I am, now I'm awake. I blinked away the sleep as I tried to take in my surroundings. I was greeted with Zeb and Sabine rolling with laughter. "What are you...." My eyes narrowed at the device hanging over my head.

"We got solid evidence now!" Sabine held up the holo as she jumped back off the ladder.

"The proof is in the pudding!" Zeb grabbed the recorder from her and waved it at me.

I instantly sat up, "Wait, we have pudding?"

"No pudding, just you snoring." Sabine winked.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, "Not this again. I do not snore."

"This holo says otherwise." Zeb turned it and held it so the holo would play for me to see.

My mouth dropped and I gasped at what I saw, "You guys were watching me sleep, and recording me without me permission!?  Ugh creepy!"

"All for science, I assure you." Sabine giggled.

"Why did you two do that!?" I was mortified, I rubbed the dried drool from around my mouth and tried desperately not to blush from embarrassing humiliation.

"Hey, was the only way I could get anybody to believe me about you snoring." Zeb shrugged casually as he turned off the holo.

"Wait, you told Sabine?"

"To your benefit, I didn't believe him at first. But seeing is believing."

"But you didn't have to record me."

"Sorry kid, I had to. He double dog dared me."

"And now we have blackmail." Zeb smirked.

"Oh yeah, well, I double dog dare you to give me that holo!"

"Nope."

"You have to!" I pointed as I jumped down from my bunk. "Can't break a double dog dare."

"That's not how it works."

"Well then, delete the recording!"

"I might consider...." Zeb rubbed his chin sinisterly. "If you do our double dog dares."

"Uhhh...." I took an unsure step back, I could be setting myself up for disaster here. "What, what's your dare?"

"Hmmmm. Sidebar." Sabine pulled Zeb back and they began to whisper. Ever the mischievous one, she leaned back to shoot me a devious grin, causing me to gulp hard. I perked my ears to try and listen in.

"We gotta get him good, something to really get under his skin. What do you have in mind, any idea?" Zeb's voice was tinged with curious interest.

"We need a prank we can convince him to willingly do." Sabine's eyes were sparkling with mischief.

"I'm game." Zeb chuckled. "What's the challenge?"

Sabine then leaned closer, whispering her plan to Zeb. The two laughed wickedly as they plotted their scheme. They glanced at each other and shared a smirk before turning back to me with glee shining from their conspiring faces. I tried not to tremble at the thought of what horrible or questionable thing they would make me go.

"Well? What's my dare?" Dare I ask.

"Just your Ezra specialty of cleaning up a mess."

"What did you do?" I glared at Zeb.

"Oh no, nothing like that! This involves your favorite, food."

"Food?" My eyes lit up. "I'm listening...."

"Don't worry, the kitchen is clean, but if you make a mess you will have to clean it up." Sabine replied.

"Go on."

"We have something that requires your talents. We need you to eat something to destroy the evidence, if you do that, we'll destroy this evidence." Zeb held up the recorder.

"I dunno....." I paused in thought. Ok this felt suspicious. Was it a trap? No mess to clean up. But food was involved? "You're not gonna try and feed me poison as a joke again, are you?"

"Nope, it's food. Guards honor." Zeb held up his hand.

"It's not spicy is it?"

"Nope." Sabine assured.

I let out a defeated sigh, "Alright, I accept your challenge."

"Great!" Sabine beamed. "Let's go." I followed them both and thankfully there was no secret mess hiding anywhere, but I still bristled with anxiety. "Now sit down while we get you your surprise meal." Sabine forced me to sit before heading into the kitchen.

"Gonna be a nice big feast for your Hutt like appetite, Jabba." Zeb chuckled coldly, causing me to swallow nervously. What did I just agree to get myself into? They walked back in holding a large platter overflowing with rations.

"What do I need to do? Is this an eating contest?"

Zeb grabbed my chin and leaned in close, lowering his voice to a conspiratorial whisper, "You have to eat a whole plate of these moldy old space rations from the back of the cargo hold, all in one sitting."

"And no puking!" Sabine added with excited enthusiasm.

"Seriously?" I scoffed with disbelief. "Those rotten things are probably expired, could be a health hazard! Are you trying to kill me?"

"Sorry, you already agreed. And just like we told you, they're technically still food." Zeb snickered.

"And you could get in trouble too." Sabine added. "This carton was lost and forgotten, if Hera found out about it we would all get in big trouble."

"Including you!" Zeb pointed his finger right in my face.

"Well, then you guys should eat some too!" I stammered.

"Sorry, but we already double dog dared you."

"And you already agreed!" Sabine flashed a big grin. "Besides, don't forget the evidence." I groaned and sank down in the chair.

"And you've got the biggest appetite too." Zeb handed me a fork. "Now dig in!"

"Ugh." My heart sank to my tight stomach, I grumbled. "So not fair."

"Yeah well, life's not fair." Sabine shrugged innocently.

"And you can't back out, that's the honor of the dare, you have to follow it!"

"After this I get a double dog dare on you both!" I glared at Zeb.

"Deal. Now start digging!" Sabine pointed at the plate with the mountain of rations.

"Fine. I'll do it." I winced, trying to remember all the times I went hungry, even just wishing for old expired rations. Sighing before the plate piled high, I took in a deep breath, the foul smell of the rotten rations hitting the back of my tongue like Lasat stench. "Well, here goes...."

"Come on, you can do it, you got this, I believe in you!" Sabine shouted, cheering me on as Zeb's laughter echoed behind her as he was unable to contain himself.

"This tastes horrible!" I choked back the bile building up from my stomach after the first bite, grimacing as I reluctantly swallowed the nauseating taste down, forcing myself to chew on the rest of the slimy but stale, questionable 'food' in my mouth. I paused to catch my breath and looked at the plate. "All that work and suffering just for one ration? Ugh!"

"Where's that tough constitution kid?" Zeb picked up another one and opened it, recoiling at the smell and then holding it under my nose. "Come on, down the hatch."

"Ugh." I waved my hand. "Gonna hurl."

Sabine shook a warning finger, "Better not puke. Remember, you vomit, you lose."

"And you have to clean it up." Zeb shoved the expired ration bar in my mouth and practically down my throat.

"Agh!" I tried to bite down on it but it was so old it was tough to chew. I coughed from the chalky dry taste.

Just then, Kanan and Hera returned, waking thru the door and into the main room, greeted by the joyful sounds of chaos, only surprised when Chopper was not found to be involved in the display like he normally was. They looked around, trying to take in the scene they were witnessing, not surprised to see me at the epicenter of this brave but foolish endeavor.

"What’s going on here guys?" Kanan asked, raising an eyebrow at the sight of his apprentice trying to hold back tears, nearly barfing on the spot.

"Ezra’s taking the double dog dare challenge." Sabine's voice was shaking with laughter. "Oh and don't worry, we’ve got it all on holo."

"What?" I sputtered, crumbs flying from my mouth as I nearly choked. "You recorded me sleeping AND this!? You guys are the worst!" I let out a loud frustrated groan as Sabine and Zeb keeled over in laughter at my expense. Kanan and Hera both looked dumbfounded, but they eventually were both trying to hide their own amusement at my predicament.

"Maybe next time you'll think twice before getting involved with Sabine and Zeb’s ideas, you should know better than that." Kanan shook his head.

"Wait." Hera spoke up, trying to hold back the laughter that echoed in her voice. "Why were you recording Ezra sleeping?"

"Don't tell them!" I jumped up. "I'll finish the rations, but you have to keep your end of the deal!"

"What deal?" Kanan's tone turned serious, Sabine and Zeb trying their best not to look guilty.

"Guys, I know you're trying to have fun, but you shouldn't be wasting food like this." Hera walked up and grabbed one of the packages of rations.

"Don't worry, these are old and expired. We made sure to be mindful." Sabine gave Zeb a wink.

"What? Ezra, you shouldn't be eating this!" Hera grabbed the platter.

"No, no!" I frantically pulled it back. "I have to!" I picked up the fork and forcefully shoved another big gag inducing bite into my mouth. I struggled to hold it in, my face probably turning as green as Hera's.

"You're gonna make yourself sick, you could get food poisoning."

"Ezra, a double dog dare is just a prank, you don't have to get mixed up in their jokes. You only always end up as the brunt of it." Kanan added.

"You don't understand!" I choked down another bite.

"Fun's over guys, I don't care what you have hanging over his head, but it ends now." Kanan pulled the plate away and gave it to Hera to take away.

"Awwww....." Sabine and Zeb looked bummed.

"Happy now?" I gagged back the bitter taste stuck on my taste buds, although relieved not to have to suffer their punishment anymore.

"Well Ezra, guess you didn't complete your dare, so now you lose." Zeb smirked.

"No!" I jumped up, but a little too fast for my stomach's liking, I covered my mouth as the acid threatened to lurch it's way up.

"What are you talking about?" Kanan looked around with confusion.

"Check this out." Sabine walked over with the holo as Hera returned to the room and watched next to Kanan.

"Wait!" I desperately held up my hand but it was too late, the embarrassing display of myself sleeping and snoring was up for everyone to see. "Are you happy now!? Ugh I hate you both." I grumbled and frowned as Sabine and Zeb erupted with laughter and shared a victorious high five, only thing I was going to erup with was vomit, and probably humiliation.

"I don't get it." Hera was confused. "You're trying to embarrass Ezra with a holo of him sleeping?"

"Look!" Zeb held it up closer to her face. "He's snoring! See? Snoring! Just listen to him!"

"And look at how silly he looks when he sleeps." Sabine giggled. "It's so ugly it's cute!" Wait, did she just say I'm cute?

"Oh, that's all?" Kanan rolled his eyes. "I already know he snores."

"Wait, what? You do?" I went pale.

"Well sure. We've seen you sleep before." Hera smiled. "Nothing to be embarrassed about."

"At least you're nowhere near as loud as Zeb." Kanan chuckled.

"I can't believe this." I slumped down in defeat. "You all knew? I did all this for nothing?"

"Sorry kid. Next time, find a better way to keep your dignity intact." Kanan patted my shoulder sympathetically, but I could tell he was still secretly amused at the turn of events, despite my humiliation.

I groaned and held my stomach, desperately trying not to throw up, "Well, at least I can still double dog dare you both."

"Nope, doesn't count." Sabine held up her arms.

"Yeah, sorry kid, you guys disqualified." Zeb shook his head.

"No!" I stood up. "They took them away, I didn't give up! You showed them the recording, I get a dare challenge!"

"What would dare them to do?" Kanan asked curiously.

"Hmmm...." I began to think and then smirked. "I double dog dare Zeb to give Chopper a bath, with his tongue, like a dog!"

"Ewww." Both Zeb and Chopper were grossed out about that idea.

"What about me?" Sabine laughed and I raised my eyebrows slyly.

"I dare you to go out on a date and kiss me."

"Hah very funny kid!" Zeb laughed and threw a heavy hand against my back.

"Oh no!" My stomach leaped up my throat, I covered my mouth with both hands but it was no use. My guts exploded all over the floor. "Ugh oh man...."

"Yeah ehh sorry kid, not gonna be kissing that mouth anytime soon." Sabine patted my shoulder and turned to go.

"Hey you puked, you gotta clean the mess up." Zeb laughed.

"Nope!" Kanan spoke up. "I double dog dare both of you to clean this room up, and the kitchen."

"And that's an order." Hera added.

"Awww....." Sabine and Zeb slumped in defeat.

As miserable as I felt, I did feel a little bit of satisfaction that Hera and Kanan were able to help me even the score. These moments were what made us not just a crew, not just friends, but a family. Our camaraderie was built on laughter and fun times and shared struggles spent together, yeah with the occasional embarrassing moment, proving that even in the depths of war and rebellion, we knew how to find a little bit of joy, even if it was mostly at my expense.

Chapter Text

We've had quite a few crazy assignments lately. The rebellion was growing, which is a great thing! But unfortunately so is the need for help off world and the need for supplies and liberations. All of us have been running ragged and on fumes, and I don't just mean the Ghost. I missed the times where we could catch our breath and relax a little bit. I know I haven't been able to do any entries in a while, we've just been so slammed, and I've been slammed into a lot of things too, so been a little stiff and sore. But it was all worth it! If any of us didn't feel that way, we would've bowed out long ago. But no! This is our calling and there's no greater cause to believe in! Sometimes it feels like a losing battle, like we are all struggling just to try and keep going another day. I'm so lucky I have my crew of friends with me. I can't imagine being alone with the state of the galaxy, who knows where I would be if the team never picked me up and let me join them? Would I even still be alive? What if the empire had found me? Or the Sith? What if I ate something poisonous and died in a gutter somewhere alone? With my new family I know there's nowhere else I would rather be! The hard work and pain was all worth it to help others and fight for what's right.

Today we really needed a little bit of fun to break up all the stressful work we've had lately. Thankfully I provided just what we needed! We had finished a small supply run and were wandering around the marketplace while we waited for Hera to signal us. My side mission was specifically for local snacks, ideally candy. Thankfully it was a success and my find did not disappoint! Hidden among the local fruits and pastries I discovered a little treat called the galactic tongue twister! My curiosity and intrigue were peaked, plus I had enough spare credit saved up to get a bag. I could only imagine the look on the others faces when they discovered the hidden little secret within these goodies.

"These candies are popular among all the young people for their cosmic effect of changing your tongue different colors! Depending on the candy you get different colors and flavors, it's always a surprise!" That's what the vendor had said, the prospect definitely exciting my inner child, and my outer child. I couldn't wait to show the others!

We finally got picked up and took off, I saw Zeb and Sabine sitting in the main room, "Hey check this out!" They both turned to me with interest. "It says it changes your tongue to different colors!" I held up the brightly colored package.

Sabine raised an eyebrow and a wore mischievous smile, "Sounds like a perfect way to prank Hera and Kanan."

"My thoughts exactly! Just imagine their faces when they see our colorful tongues! They'll freak out!" I laughed. "Are you in Zeb?"

"You bet I am!" Zeb chimed in eagerly. "But let's make it a little more dramatic and pretend we've been poisoned or are sick with some sort of space plague."

"Sounds like a plan, let's do it!" I opened the bag and we all took a candy. They were sweet and sour and filled with a gooey fruity center, even without the added benefit of the tongue changing color effect, it was a great treat to enjoy! I finished first, crunching it eagerly, "Ok guys what do you think? Blah!" I stuck out my tongue at them.

"Whoa it's bright green! That's crazy!" Sabine was excited. "What about mine?"

"Hey yours is purple, goes good with your hair." Zeb laughed.

"Yours is blue, actually looks good on you." Sabine laughed back.

"Oh man this is awesome!" I snickered, I couldn't wait to pull off this prank, Kanan and Hera were gonna flip! "Hang on!" I perked up and the three of us went silent. "I think I hear them coming!"

"Places everyone!" Zeb cried, he flopped down dramatically on the couch.

"Time to put on a show." Sabine sprawled out onto the table.

"Let's have some fun." I laid on the floor.

Hera and Kanan walked into the main room after finishing their briefing with Commander Sato and getting our next orders, the door slid open and Kanan walked in first, seeing us all askew. He furrowed his brow with concern, "What's going on in here, what happened?"

Hera pushed passed him and gasped, "Guys! What's wrong?" She looked around at us with anxious confusion.

I started to groan and weakly propped myself up, feebly crawling over, "Master, I don't feel good." I rolled my eyes into the back of my head and let it fall to the side.

"Are you alright?" Hera crouched down, grabbing my face with worry.

"Ugh, I think we've been poisoned." Sabine moaned as she rolled over and gripped her stomach.

"It's the space virus! I think I'm gonna hurl!" Zeb jolted up, Kanan's eyes went wide and he jumped back. We took that as our queue.

"Blah!" We all stuck out our colorful tongues at them.

"What the Force!?" Kanan's jaw fell with a gasp.

"Oh my stars!" Hera covered her mouth in shock. We couldn't keep our faces straight anymore, we cracked and burst into laughter.

"You've gotta be kidding me....." Kanan let out a frustrated but relieved sigh.

"Wait.... What did you guys do?" Hera shook her head with disbelief.

"You didn't eat Sabine's paint did you?" Kanan raised an eyebrow playfully.

"Don't worry, it's the candy!" I held up the bag, smirking with a mischievous tone. "Just a prank to lighten the mood. We need to have a little fun every once in a while."

"I can't believe you guys scared me like that."

"What's the matter Hera, afraid of a little fun and some colorful tongues?" Sabine grabbed the bag from me and held it up in her face.

"I can't believe you guys." Hera's tone was soft but slightly accusatory, but her curiosity betrayed her as she took a candy from the bag and ate it. We watched her eagerly.

"Well, what's the verdict?" Kanan smirked. Hera stuck out her tongue and it was orange, we all laughed. "Hey that looks good on you! I wonder if the color transfers over?" He raised an eyebrow at her and she gave him a playful glance back.

"See? A little bit of fun never hurts anyone, we all need to break things up every once in a while before we break." I smiled, happy my prank went off with success.

"Just make sure you don't get distracted by your silly little games, don't be eating the candy while on missions." Kanan spoke up.

"Hmmmm....." I began to think. " I make no promises." I winked and stuck my bright tongue out at him and they all laughed. But Kanan had actually given me a great idea!

A week later we had infiltrated an imperial factory to gather items and sabotage equipment for their weapon production operation. While running to the escape I had an idea, I was gonna use the candy as a plan to distract the guards. As I crawled in the air vent to go open the door for the others to get out, I put one of the candies in my mouth. I smirked to myself with a sinister chuckle, this was gonna be fun. I reached the door and dropped down in front of the trooper guards.

"Hey, who are you?"

"Stop right there!"

"Guys.... Help me....." I rasped, holding my neck and pretending to choke. "The base has been poisoned by a deadly virus!" I coughed dramatically as the troopers lowered their weapons and began to step back. "Get out before it's too late! Blah!" I stuck out my tongue like I was dying, this time that candy turned my tongue a vibrant red, props to making it look like blood.

"He's been infected!"

"Run! Warn the others!"

I fell to my knees gagging and groaning for dramatic effect, after a few moments I looked around to make sure that coast was clear, "That went well." I laughed to myself and got up to open the door just in time for the others to come running out.

"Great job Ezra!" Sabine remarked.

"Yeah kid, how did you do it?" Zeb asked.

"Just a harmless little prank. Ahh!" I stuck my red tongue out at them. Zeb and Sabine started laughing

"Ezra, you're gonna give somebody a heart attack one day." Kanan rolled his eyes with a smirk. "But it's fine as long as it's not me."

"Come on, let's get out of here!" I took off running, leading the others towards the Ghost where Hera was waiting.

See? Sometimes it's good to have a little bit of fun! Never know when a good trick might come in handy. But finally my sugar loving habits came back to bite me. Everyone says I have a sweet tooth, and I guess I finally ended up with one literally, only it came in the form of painful kriffing cavities.

"Ezra what's wrong?" Hera asked, noticing me eating small bites of food very slowly and making a painful face.

"I'm not sure." I rubbed my cheek and frowned. "It hurts to chew, I think I hurt my face bones or something."

"Did Zeb punch you?" Sabine smirked.

"Did Sabine trip you and make you fall flat on your face?" Zeb snickered back.

"No, it's like my jaw, it started hurting." I rubbed the sore spot on my mouth.

"Did you eat something you shouldn't again?" Kanan asked. "You're not grinding your teeth in your sleep again are you?"

"I don't think so?" I shrugged not sure if I ate something that hurt it, didn't feel like the pain I had when I would grind my teeth at night either. Thankfully I haven't been doing that much lately, I was having nightmares after the battle with the grand inquisitor and at night I had started grinding my teeth. I took a sip of the cold milk and winced, holding my face, "Ah! Oh ouch!"

"Wait, I think I know what's going on." Hera let out a sigh that almost sounded relieved, reaching over and feeling my face. "Where exactly does it feel like the pain is coming from?"

I rubbed my fingers around my jaw and finally landed the tip of my finger on the source, "It feels like right here." Hera lifted my lip, I was pointing to a tooth next to one of my canines, Hera applied some pressure. "Ahh!" I pulled away and put a hand over my mouth.

"Thought as much." She smiled sympathetically. "Congratulations Ezra, you've got your first cavities."

"What!?" I wailed, Zeb and Sabine broke out laughing hysterically. I turned to them with a growl, "Hey! It's not funny! It hurts, I can't even eat!"

"Oh wow!" Zeb laughed. "Ezra can't eat? Then you know it's bad!"

"I know!" Sabine continued to laugh. "The galaxy might just cease to exist!"

I pouted miserably, "It's not funny."

"Don't worry about it Ezra." Kanan put a hand on my shoulder. "Sounds like you're catching it before it becomes serious. I'm glad you didn't ignore or hide it like you usually do." I blushed with humiliation and turned away. "Anyway, you just need to use a medicated mouth wash and toothpaste to treat it, easy peasy."

"Oh." I blinked with surprise. "That's not bad. I can do that." I smiled with relief, glad that it wasn't anything serious and was an easy fix. "Still, I'm not sure how that happened, I always brush my teeth."

"I have an idea." Hera grabbed my hand, I had a syrup soaked bite of waffle on the end of my fork. "You eat way too much sugar kiddo, too many sweets cause cavities. You need to start eating better, and that means cutting out the sugar. No more sweets for you."

"What!?" I jumped up from my seat, Zeb and Sabine started laughing again.

"Awwww with no sugar he's starting to become bitter." Sabine sneered.

"Jedi Ezra Bridger found dead, cause of death? Not a plane crash, a sugar crash!" Zeb hollered.

"No fair!" I moaned. No sugar? How can a person even exist without sugar? This was cruel and unusual treatment.

"They have a point kid." Kanan spoke back up. "That sweet tooth is gonna rot your brain."

"Ewww don't say that, I hate that saying." I shuddered. The saying sweet tooth had always bugged me. "It sounds like I have a tooth made out of sugar or I eat teeth or something, it's gross and creepy."

"Well, consider this part of your training, a Jedi test. If you can give up sugar for one week while you get rid of your cavities, I promise you something special."

I gasp eagerly at Kanan, "A new speeder!?"

"Hey, no fair!" Sabine whined.

"Kid messed up his teeth and gets a new bike?" Zeb grumbled and folded his arms.

"Yeah, I don't think so." Hera shook her head but smiled with amusement. "Don't worry about it now Ezra, just focus on fixing your teeth and No! More! Sugar!"

"Awwww....." I slumped in defeat." Ok fine." I was about to have the longest week of my life. The trouble with cavities is that they hurt and you can't really eat, and I love to eat! Especially sweets! "Such a cruel and unusual punishment." I mumbled to myself with a pout.

"Oh stop sulking." Zeb snorted as he sat with Sabine eating cookies later that afternoon.

"Those should've been my cookies!"

"Nah you wouldn't have liked these." Sabine took another bite. "Yeah they're too delicious for you."

"Ahh! I can't take this! It's not fair!" I started pulling on my hair.

"Yeah well, life's not fair kid." Zeb tossed a cookie into his mouth.

"Hey I take care of my teeth just fine, this is such a scam."

"You want one?" Sabine held on up mischievously. My eyes lit up and I swallowed hard. Yes I did, very much. The temptation was overpowering. "Well too bad!" She chomped down on it.

"Awwww Sabine!" I couldn't help the pathetic whine that wavered in my voice.

"Just a little one couldn't hurt right?" Zeb smirked, holding up one he took a bite out of. I didn't care if it had slimy Lasat spit on it, I was desperate. He held it up like he was toying with me, making me beg for it like a stray. "Come on, come here boy, can't let cavities ruin all your fun." I whimpered like a starving mutt.

"Be serious Zeb, if Hera found out she would kill us." Sabine spoke up after drinking some milk.

"Guess it's will be nice, he won't have all those candy wrappers stashed all over and hidden under his bed." Zeb's words made me blush slightly, couldn't help hiding food, it was an old habit.

"Can't let your cavities get worse, your teeth might break and fall out and you would look ridiculous."

"Yeah you're right, sorry kid, guess we better destroy all the evidence." Zeb chuckled and they both began to devour the rest of the cookies.

"Seriously? Can't you guys be more supportive? This is so hard!" I folded my arms into a pout and watched their exaggerated display with frustrated longing.

"I know, that's why we are being supportive." Zeb burped.

"Exactly." Sabine wiped her mouth. "We're eating all the sugar for you."

"I hate you both." I growled and turned to go.

Rotations passed and the cravings got worse, sugar was all I could think about! I couldn't even sleep, I would start hallucinating about pastries floating in space and catching them into my mouth like a dance. Yeah I was a mess. I would try and sneak into the kitchen but Hera hid away all the sweet snacks. I was getting desperate. I was looking in the the supply room late at night, it was full of random old junk so I thought maybe I might find a long lost secret stash? I looked everywhere with determination to find anything hidden but to my disappointment my plan was a failed attempt. I rummaged through boxes and found nothing but stale ration packs and broken tools and odd old parts. But just as I was about to give up I spotted what looked like a candy wrapper peeking from under a crate from the corner of my eye. I began to get excited! Was my quest a success? Did I hit the jackpot? I quickly yanked at the crate to retrieve it, but it was titled off center and instead it slid forward unexpectedly and causing a loud crash that made a loud crash that echoed thru the silent ship. I cursed myself internally, even worse that it wasn't even a candy bar but an old cleaner wipe wrapper.

"Ezra what in the stars do you think you are doing!?" Hera's tone was quiet but angry as she came down the hall.

I felt embarrassed and crawled out of the mess, "Sorry Hera I was just uhh looking for a battery."

"Mmhmm." She raised an eyebrow, unconvinced as she eyed the wrapper I gripped tightly in my hand. I sighed with defeat and her expression softened. "I know you're trying hard to beat your sugar cravings on your diet, but you can't let it control you. It's all you're focused on lately, in strategy meetings and your Jedi training, we all know how distracted you are, but we also know it's hard to give up sweets. But the are more important things in the galaxy than candy."

"I know Hera, I know!" I slumped in defeat. "I'm trying, but it's so hard!" I felt like I wanted to give up and cry, just for a kriffing cookie. I knew this was bad, never realizing how my sugar addiction had such a tight hold on me. "I'll do better, I'll get stronger, I'll try and distract myself so I don't think about it." Which was hard considering it was all I'd been thinking about.

Hera gave me a sympathetic smile and put a hand on my shoulder, "I know it hasn't been easy Ezra. Tell you what, tomorrow why don't we make some healthy treats together? Something sweet but without all the sugar."

"Really?" My eyes lit up. "That's a great idea!"

"Yeah. It will satisfy your cravings without running the risk of getting anymore cavities."

The next morning I helped Hera make the cookies. We mashed up fruit and mixed it with dried berries and oats. It was actually a lot of fun and smelled really good while they were baking. When they finished and we let them cool, the scent attracted the others.

"Hey can we try them?" Sabine asked as she poked her head into the kitchen.

"They smell really good, I'm sure Ezra can't have any." Zeb added.

"No, these are ok." Hera smiled. "Natural sweetener so it's cavity friendly."

"So I get the first bite!" I held up one of the cookies and stuffed it into my mouth. "Oww hot!"

"Let it cool off first, you fool." Zeb mocked as Sabine laughed, watching me fan my burnt tongue.

"Sensible bites Ezra." Hera chuckled. "Don't worry, the cookies aren't going anywhere." When they were finally cool enough we started eating them, they tasted so good! Maybe even better than the cookies from before?

"These are actually pretty good, I think you guys came up with a great new idea!" Sabine beamed.

"They were all the trend on Ryloth when I was little."

Zeb took another bite, "Gotta hand it to you, not bad for a sugar free cookie."

"After my cavities are gone I'll just have to be more careful with how much sugar I eat." I gave them a playful wink. "I'm sweet enough already!"

"Booooo!" Zeb and Sabine jeered my bad joke while Hera laughed.

I was so happy and relieved, not just from outsmarting my cravings, but because I was finally about to defeat the challenge of the cavities and turn my victory into something truly sweet by bonding with the others, no sugar necessary. Sometimes it's the moments that are what's the sweetest, and maybe that's what I had been craving all along.

Chapter Text

Bad news, another game over. I got burned so I'm the real loser..... Sometimes we just need a break, an escape from the stress and work of our daily lives. I guess I got a little too carried away, and wouldn't you know it was Chopper who ended up shutting me down and knocking me back to my senses.

One day we were relaxing late at night watching holo vids when an ad for a new VR game came on, it was called The Starfighter Chronicles Saga, it was multi player simulator where you could battle against players all across the galaxy, the first game of it's kind! I had always been a big game player when I was a little kid, I hadn't been able to play much after losing my parents and of course with joining the rebels, but it rekindled my old gamer spark. I had to take part of this new intergalactic phenomenon! I knew Kanan would not approve of me "wasting my time" playing games, so I knew I would have to be careful. But first, getting the game. I knew it was gonna be expensive and my hacking skills were hardly at the level to steal something like that. But I just so happened to know one droid who could....

"Hey Chop!"

"Wrr?"

"Wanna help me steal something?"

"Wrp! Wrp!" Hell yeah!

"Ok so we need to hack into the holo server and find the new Starfighter Chronicles game. It's expensive and coveted by many so it won't be easy to find and snag a copy of."

"Wrp wer rrrrr...." You doubt my skills....

"Not at all! That's why I came to you, I know you're the best."

"Wup wur." Well duh. Chopper connected into the ship and began to work, searching the online networks and finding exactly what we were looking for. "Wer wip wrr."

"You found it already? Alright Chopper! You're so fast."

"Werp wirrr." It's called talent.

"Ok now we just need to download a copy." I pulled out my gaming console, I had found it back when we returned to my old home, I had grabbed it as well as a few other little things I could sneak in my bag, and connected the cable to Chopper. "Be careful not to get caught."

"Wap war!" Oh please!

"Great job Chopper, you got it!" I watched as the copy of the game downloaded completely. I held up my console in victory! "I know I can always come to you when I want a job done right."

"Wer wererrrr." Evil deeds only.

"Of course." I smirked. "Alright, time to see what the hype is all about!"

I rushed to my room and made sure Zeb wasn't there. I locked the door and jumped onto my bunk, starting the game. First I had to create a user name. Hmmm can't call myself a Jedi, don't wanna use my real name. What could I pick? After many failed attempts at already assigned names I successfully landed on Lothcat Warrior. Ehhh not the best handle, but could be worse? The game began, the holo designs and 3D graphics were awesome for a handled device, it was great! So it's basically a flying shooter game. You select from iconic ship styles and take on legendary pilots and warcrafts from thru out history. Best part was it was a competition, so I was determined to get myself on the leader board. I locked in countless hours and I feel like I was even improving my flight reflexes, so hey I can always call this a safe flight simulator training. Would probably please Hera. I played for 2 weeks straight and and became so great I finally ended up on the bottom of the leader board. But I refused to stop there, I had to go all the way to the top. My competitive spirit fueling me! Now the real competition was beginning. It became harder to hide and eventually I got caught.

"How much time have you wasted on this?" Kanan frowned.

"Only an hour on my down time, I swear!" Yeah right.

"I mean, it seems like a harmless escape from reality." Zeb shrugged. "He never plays it at night when I'm sleeping, so no harm on my end." Uhh I actually do Zeb, you just snore so loud you don't hear me.

"It's not hurting anyone. If I can escape to my painting when I need a break, why can't he have a harmless game?" Sabine added.

"And I've been learning from it too! My reflex have improved a lot!"

"Well... I have noticed an improvement." Kanan rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"And I'm learning a lot about flying and aircrafts! I'm not crashing or getting into dangerous situations by practicing in the real world."

"That's true, it's a good way to stimulate training." Hera nodded slowly.

"Please? Can I keep playing the game, please?" I put on my best begging Lothcat eyes.

"Ok fine." Hera smirked and rolled her eyes. "But the minute it interferes with a mission it's game over."

I put one hand up and the other over my heart, "I promise!" Not gonna happen.

Time went on and with all the hours spent playing my skills only grew, not only that but so did my desired crave to play it, even above my other joys of eating and sleeping. The others were supportive at first but they noticed the changes in me even before I did. I figured it was all in fun, a harmless escape from the exhaustion of reality. Over the weeks of playing they began to notice. Kanan caught the decline in my training sessions. Hera noticed my lack of participating in team meetings. Zeb saw me avoiding interactions with him even while in our room together, ignoring his questions and attempts at conversation, preferring to keep being immersed in my game. Sabine was worried, my appearance had changed. My eyes always looked dark and tired, my completion was pale and my hair was unkempt, she said I looked thinner but frankly I've always been on the lean side, so not sure why she thought that. So everyone naturally started to get worried about me. They said they tried talking to me about it, but I hardly even remember. My attention was elsewhere, so I guess I tuned them out.

"You're missing out on actual battles." Zeb said.

"We need you with us in the real world." Sabine added.

"Don't forget, you're flying around the galaxy with us." Hera agreed.

"You need to forget about that digital world and focus on reality." Kanan frowned.

They didn't understand. I was at the top of the leader board, I couldn't stop now! One missed day, one lost battle, one wrong move and all my hard work would be lost. I hadn't realized that my escape from the stress of reality had only turned into stress in virtual reality. No wonder I looked so horrible, I just didn't see it. The obsession became an addiction, my performance in missions suffered, I was fatigued so my reflexes and responses were delayed, I was distracted by thinking of the game, I failed to check in with communications and even got shot by a bucket head! Like really? Who does that? Chopper oddly enough seemed the most grumpy with me, and he always seems to be annoyed by everything. Guess now it was just extra. Maybe he felt responsible since he helped me get the game? I lost count of how many times he electrocuted me to try and snap me back to my senses.

Finally during a recon mission, Chopper was urgently trying to relay coordinates and info back to Rex and Ahsoka at the base about a fleet we discovered. I was too busy playing my game to pay attention. The others were out on recon so it was just the two of us, Chopper kept trying to get my attention and relay the urgent stress the situation, but I just kept brushing him off.

"Later Chop, I'm almost done." I didn't even glance up from my game to notice him emphasizing the threat.

Chopper grumbled angrily to himself seeing the negative effect the game was having on me and the tight grip it held. Everyone was concerned and Chopper knew he had to intervene, it wasn't a game anymore, it had become an obligation that was controlling me. He knew he had to take action and come up with a plan to undo what he had done with me. So he took it into the power of his own circuits, with his vast technological expertise, he hacked back into the game's mainframe with the mischievous motive to disable my account and have me return to facing reality. As he accessed the servers he found a way to create a glitch during my gaming session. Unfortunately for me it was during an incredibly intense battle. As I was just about to jump into the final boss and make the pivotal maneuver, my screen began to flicker and flash. I gasped and my eyes went wide, my heart dropping into my stomach with fear.

"What happened? Oh no, come on!" I panted with frustration, hitting my controller. My character started glitching and the screen went blank. "Ahh!" The game screen displayed a message.... Account Compromised, shutting down for maintenance. My head began to spin and my heart raced, "Please no, nonono, this can't be happening!" I jumped up and ran into the main cabin to check the system connection and I saw Chopper rolling in looking very smug and proud with himself. "Chopper! You slimy droid, did you do this? Did you ruin my game!?"

"Woo wee?" Who me? His head spun and he waved his arms definitely. "Worr wir wewerr." It was for your own good.

"I'll kill you!" I roared and leaped onto Chopper, knocking him down and rolling around the floor, beating him repeatedly, but in my physically and mentally exhausted state he bested me easily, knocking me off and jetting up in the air, looking down at me in derision as I lay panting on the floor. "What am I doing?" Finally everything was starting to sink in as reality clicked back into place. I let out a heavy sigh of realization, "We're fighting a real war and I'm wasting my time fighting a fake one in a fantasy world." I closed my eyes in defeat, I felt so ashamed. At that moment the others all walked in after having just returned safely from their mission, no thanks to me. "Guys, I'm so sorry, I can't believe I was acting so stupid."

"I can." Zeb smirked sympathetically.

"We were quite worried about you." Sabine added.

"You can't let a game distract you from what we're fighting for." Kanan nodded.

"You were starting to forget who you were." Hera agreed.

"I know.... You're right. I was so focused on trying to escape that I lost sight of what really matters and what's really important. I'm sorry guys." I sat up as Chopper rolled over to me with my gaming console. "I know what I have to do...." I took it from him and opened the screen, I felt the heavy pain in my heart as I clicked on the program and deleted it. I let out a painful exhausted sigh, my whole body slumped as if a big weight was finally lifted from my shoulders.

"I'm proud of you kid." Kanan put a hand on my back.

"Now go get cleaned up and get some rest." Hera smiled.

Zeb helped me stand up, "Thanks guys."

"I'll bring you a snack later." Sabine offered and I nodded back.

It was hard at first, trying to reprogram my brain. It felt almost like I was going thru withdrawal, like I needed to desensitize myself back into reality, forgetting what was real and confusing things from the game. But the others made sure to keep me engaged, Kanan was really rough on me with training, not the best reality wake up call. Hera made sure to keep me focused on the rebellion and fighting, making sure I felt fulfilled in all that missions so it would reiterate the importance of myself in reality. In the following week, I relearned what was truly important. Sabine helped me find a better balance with reality and an escape from it. Zeb kept my spirits up with jokes and jesting. While I made sure to spend most of my time honing my skills, I remembered what it meant to be a team, working together but also laughing and relaxing together, and I found that those moments were the best way to escape the reality of the war. Unlike the game, reality was the real action adventure, living and fighting alongside my friends made it all worth while. And Chopper too. He went back to being his normal grumpy mischievous menace that we all know and, well.... know. But I could tell he felt a superior level of smug satisfaction over me for making me learn my lesson. I bet he felt like he was the hero of the whole thing. And well, I guess he kinda was the winner, cause I sure felt like a loser after all that. Just don't tell him I said that.

Chapter Text

So I had an interesting day at the market place today. We finished dropping off the supplies we ran for Vizago and we're walking about the town square where they were having their monthly bazaar. I was wandering around and looking at the different items at the booths when something caught my eye. It was an old bantha horn that somebody had turned into a musical instrument. I thought it looked so cool! Of course it was out of my price range and was hanging up so it made it hard to steal, ok relax not that I was gonna steal it ok, but I still felt a little sad and longing. When I was little I always wanted to play an instrument, my parents always told me maybe when I was older, but of course the opportunity, like so many others, never came. I sighed sadly and continued on, finally heading back to the ship. The others finally started to return and saw me watching hold vids of different musicians playing various instruments.

"Hey Ezra, what are you doing?" Hera asked.

"Research."

"Research?" Kanan laughed. "Looks more like watching videos to me."

"I am researching!" I looked up at him. "I'm deciding what musical instrument I want to learn to play."

"Really? You?" This time it was Zeb who laughed.

"Yeah, I don't think so." Sabine shot me a playful smirk.

"And why not?" I frowned. "You all have talents you get to showcase and I don't! You have your art Sabine, why can't I have something? Besides you promised me I could have a special reward for getting rid of my cavities and I never got to cash it in. It's not fair! I'm calling it in now!"

"Ezra, musical instruments are expensive." Hera gave me a sympathetic simple.

"I know...." I remembered the price tag on the horn I saw, so she didn't have to tell me that.

"You really think you got talent for music kid?" Zeb snickered.

"Maybe! I'll never know until I try!"

"Ezra, you can’t play any instruments. You know that." Kanan sighed. "It’s better if you just stick to learning how to master the Force."

"Aww come on, that's not fair, I can do music! I can rock out!" I jumped up onto the sofa and struck a rockstar pose, causing everyone to burst out with laughter.

Kanan shook his head and smirked, "Why do I have a bad feeling the is going to end poorly?"

This was not the end of it, I was determined to channel my creativity but knew I might have to try a different option. If I couldn't play an instrument, maybe I could at least sing? The voice is an instrument and it's free! I knew I could make them see once I unleashed my secret hidden talent. Maybe with enough effort, it would impress Kanan and Hera into reconsidering. With a smug stride of confidence, I decided to begin singing different songs I had heard over my life, trying to come up with my own legendary lyrics that I imagined could become instant hits. Gotta dream big right? But much to their dismay, the only thing that came wailing out of my mouth was a series of off-key tone deaf notes that sounded nothing like they thought it would've in my head. My plan was in motion.

"Ezra stop! You sound like a dying mynock!" Sabine covered her ears.

"More like a womp rat with laryngitis." Zeb grumbled. "Ugh, unless that's your warm up routine I suggest you stop before your tear your vocal cords apart."

"Actually, I wouldn't mind that." Sabine replied with a scoff.

"I'm very much against debarking, but I'm willing to make an exception in this case."

"Oh you both are such critics." I snorted. "You are just too bland to understand my creative genius! My music is original and will be a huge hit!"

"I'll give you a huge hit." Zeb balled up a fist.

"It might be a huge hit, like that huge hit to your face you got when you tried to learn how to hoverboard? You got a black eye, a bloody nose and a split lip."

"You didn't support my hobbies back then either." I snorted back at Sabine.

"Give this up like you quit that. Stick to your day job kid." She shuddered. "I don't think practice will make pitch perfect for you."

"Well Rex liked my singing. Remember karaoke night on the liberator?"

"Yeah well Rex is like a light year away, plus we were all pretty liberated by libations that night. But by the time the sound of your mating Lothcat call screeching reaches him now, it's probably more like a gentle whisper." Zeb grumbled.

"Hmmmm, I wondering if neutering him would solve this problem?" Sabine tapped her chin and mused.

"Sorry guys, gotta focus on my next verse. Ahem!" I took in a deep breath and began screaming out the next set of lines in the song.

"Holy stars!" Hera rushed into the room and grabbed my face. "Ezra what's wrong, are you hurt?"

"What are you talking about? I'm fine."

"It sounded like you were in pain."

"No." Zeb raised a hand.

"That would be us." Sabine raised hers as well.

As the rotations passed my occasional singing became an everyday event as I modified my lyrics and played with pitches and inflictions. I made sure the others wouldn't be able to escape the endless serenade of my voice. They would come around, I know it! I went into the kitchen to make another cup of tea to warm up my voice, I was wearing some cloth like a scarf around my neck to look like a fashionable drama queen, I read online it's supposed to be good for your vocal cords. I marched into the room with a smug air and then I began to belt out the rock anthem chorus.

"Ezra, for the love of the Force, can you tone it down a bit?" Kanan pleaded.

"Never! You cannot stifle my creativity!" I dramatically threw my head back.

"Watch me." Kanan grumbled and held up a hand like he was going to do a Force choke on me.

"Kanan." Hera's tone was joking as she grabbed his hand and lowered it, but her face looked like she was considering letting him do it.

I stomped loudly out of the room, "I will sing as loudly as I want and nobody can stop me! Ah ha hah!"

Hera looked at Kanan who was shaking his head, she gave him a smirk, "Gotta give him credit for committing to his plan, I think he’s trying to drive us mad so we give him what he wants."

"Yeah clever, but we can't let him win." Kanan let out a deep tense breath, trying hard to maintain his sense of Jedi calm.

"One of us is gonna have to break." Hera leaned against him.

"I'll break him before that happens." Kanan's face looked strained and tense. I heard them talking and smiled sneakily to myself, I knew I was winning.

After a series of particularly loud and terrible renditions of rock songs, my plan of chronically wailing around the ship at the top of my lungs worked, and the crew finally found themselves at their wits end and ready to concede to my demands. And it was about time to! I could hardly speak anymore. My throat felt so torn up and raw I could swear it was bleeding! Worth it to make their ears and hearts bleed. Wish we had more lozenges, ugh art and beauty is pain. I walked into the main room to see everyone talking. Hera and Zeb and Sabine were all sitting close and planning together. I hid behind the corner to listen in.

"We need to come up with a plan. If we can't get him to shut up we might as well bribe him." Hera sighed.

"I hate to admit it but he was pretty smart to wear us down." Zeb grumbled."I hate having him win and giving him what he wants."

"A sacrifice I'm willing to make in order to end this nightmare." Sabine groaned.

They continue to whisper and I wore a devilish smirk. The plan was simple yet effective, to present me with a musical instrument if I agreed to stop my truly horrendous singing. That's their opinion and I agree to disagree, but if I had to admit my singing sucked in order to get an instrument, then it was worth it. That night everyone had gathered for dinner. I was quiet for the most part, eating soft foods and drinking soup, my voice was begging me for a break, either it would snap or they would, but I was too close to victory to relent. After we all finished and the table was cleared, I jumped up onto the table top and cleared my throat loudly and dramatically.

"Ok everyone, time for my new after dinner number! If this doesn't give you all sweet dreams tonight, nothing will." I took in a big deep breath, internally telling myself RIP throat because I'm about to rip you a new one. "And Iiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaayyyyeeeeaaayyyeeeeaaaaayyyyy......."

"Noooooo no!" Zeb cried out. "Wait, wait!"

"How about this Ezra." Sabine spoke up. "If you stop singing, we will get you a real musical instrument."

I stopped and gasped as my eyes lit up with overly exaggerated sincerity, "Really? You mean it?" The prospect of a shiny new instrument dancing in the back of my mind.

"Guys....." Kanan sighed and rubbed his forehead, but he didn't say anything else, even he knew he had to submit to my demands.

"Yup, we mean it Ezra." Hera folded her arms. "But you have to promise, no more screaming rock songs! If you can compromise then we will make your wish come true."

"Hmmmm....." I began to think as I glanced around at the eager faces of my adoring fans awaiting my answer. I smirked triumphantly and shouted, "Deal!"

Everyone let out a collective sigh of relief. I had to keep true to my word, I kept my musical mouth shut from then on, much to the relief of my friends and my fried vocal cords. A few weeks later the promised day finally arrived. They revealed a shiny silver hallikset that looked like it was made from Mandalorian armor. I couldn't contain my excitement, I practically squealed behind my hands. Finally I had something to channel all my creativity and passion into just like Sabine did with her painting. I just wanted to be creative too. And before you say anything, no this journal does not count! On my down time I began practicing, humming along and quietly singing in tune with the melodies I learned. It was a great relaxing way to wind down at the end the day, calming my thoughts and helping me focus. It even felt a little like meditating, which I'm sure would make Kanan happy. And he was not the only one that looked happy, the others all seemed to smile more and relax at the melodies I played as the music filled the Ghost. I was happy to finally share something with them. Even if my original attempts at creativity sounded like a dying animal in distress, I knew with practice I could make truly magical sounds for everyone to enjoy.

"At least this music he's making is bearable." Kanan glanced at Hera who was smiling with contentment.

"As long as he doesn't start writing lyrics to those songs I think we'll be safe." Sabine shot Zeb a smirk.

"If he ever tries it, he may just wake up one morning with his vocal cords missing." Zeb snickered.

"Never know, maybe he'll surprise us and actually turn into a great singer? A Jedi rock star." Hera smiled and the others laughed. Thanks for the support Hera!

And for the record, yes I actually am a good singer, I just had to trick them into thinking I'm not in order for my plan to work. I swear!