Chapter Text
Jade Ngô truly doesn’t know how she got herself into this scenario. All throughout high school he’s tried to keep her head down and just get the grades he needs to graduate. And Jade isn’t even that far through high school yet - she may be midway through Sophomore year but that is still a little bit off being half-way through all of high school. Jade just truly thought he would last longer - refrain from giving into things that will surely keep her distracted from his studies, or worse, things that will surely hurt her. The situation Jade is in now is something that will result in both and it is all because he made the wonderfully terrible decision of becoming close friends with her crush. Summer Dileo sits in front of him now with a hopeful expression on her face that somehow makes her look even more beautiful.
Jade honestly hopes she didn’t hear her right; he’s clinging to the desperate hope that her desires have made her hear wrong - Summer Dileo wouldn’t ask that of him, right? Because yes, Jade has definitely thought about Summer a lot more than “just friends” do, but this makes sense, Jade has had a crush on Summer since before she even knew his name, or that she existed, but this doesn’t mean Summer feels the same. So why on Prime would she ask this? Why on Prime would she play with Jade’s heart like this? Taking a breath Jade tries to repeat a mantra in his head—“this is not real, this is not real, this is not real, this is not”—because either way, the question or the act won’t be real to Summer, so why should she let it be real to him?
So, Jade reshuffles where she is sitting on Summer’s bed and wishes for a few things. He wishes so desperately she’s heard her wrong, that Summer has not asked That and Jade has simply misheard her. But that’s only the logical side of Jade wishing that. The unreasonable side who has been wanting this for ages wishes desperately for this to be real, that Summer won’t take this back when it’s over. Unsurprisingly, Jade’s third wish is that Summer is too oblivious to read the hope on her face right now, that she’s too stuck in her own head to recognise the hopeful feeling pooling out of Jade’s chest and clawing up his throat.
‘What?’ He asks. Am I dreaming? Is this real? It can’t be. I can’t let it be. Maybe Summer will take it back if Jade asks for clarification, maybe she will save her from this sure torture about to happen. Maybe kissing Summer will save Jade anyway.
‘We don’t have to if you don’t want to! I’ve just never kissed anyone before and wanted to practise with you because we’re close enough you won’t make fun of me if I’m bad… We really don’t have to if you don’t want to, though. I get it if you think it’s weird.’
Summer looks away and Jade wishes she’d look back at him, wishes the sun didn’t leave and take all the warmth with her, wishes Jade didn’t feel like the moon only when Summer has left her. What’s the point in being celestial bodies together if you’re destined to never meet? Jade doesn’t dwell on that too long though, instead he simply looks over at Summer like she hangs all the stars in the sky, like she created the universe just for Jade, and doesn’t shy away from her gaze when Summer’s eyes finally meet Jade’s again. She smiles, and Jade smiles with her, releasing a breath too heavy to be normal. A breath so full of heartache she’s not sure how Summer misses it.
Jade wishes it were easier to say “no” to Summer. Wishes desperately that he could say no and save herself from the anguish she will truly feel after. Kissing your best friend who you are hopelessly in love with is not something you can go back on, especially when it’s her asking; this moment will probably haunt Jade forever. But she doesn’t say no, because this is everything Jade has ever wished for, kissing Summer Dileo is a dream Jade has more nights than not - the moon could tell you how often this occurs. Do you think she tells the sun?
Instead of saying any of this, Jade just looks over at Summer, takes one glance at her lips and decides he’s willing to risk it all.
‘Summer, it’s okay. I don’t think it’s weird. I’ll help you practise kissing.’
She pretends the feeling in her stomach isn’t butterflies - pretends the swoop he feels when Summer moves closer has nothing to do with how pretty she looks or how all her dreams are coming true.
Then Summer is close enough Jade can count each freckle on her face or every individual eyelash and Jade sucks in a breath. And like it’s natural, and God did Jade wish it could be, he closes his eyes and ignores how fast her heart begins to beat as Jade’s hand cups Summer’s cheek and his lips meet hers. There are movies that discuss fireworks going off but Jade can only compare this feeling to a solar eclipse - it’s magical and all Jade can think of at that moment is this is the best kiss she’s had in his entire life. Not that she’s kissed anyone before this. But Jade pushes closer to Summer and she doesn’t pull away and they kiss and kiss and kiss until Jade feels breathless addicted to the taste of Summer’s strawberry lip gloss. They part for air and Jade looks at Summer who is fucking beautiful and she’s smiling and Jade is smiling with her - he doesn’t even care if Summer can hear how loud her heart is beating or if she can notice the flush on his face.
And then Summer is pulling Jade forward and cradling her face like it is the most precious thing in the world and they are kissing again. Jade doesn’t even have the time to react because he’s melting into the kiss and the heat on her cheeks is only made worse by the hands cupping them. But Jade doesn’t care because he’s kissing Summer fucking Dileo and she feels on top of the world - it’s one kiss after the other and Jade truly thinks she could die happy now; everything is right, and the moon has set its course all because Jade Ngô is kissing Summer Dileo. But Jade should have remembered the sun and moon don’t get to eclipse for very long because maybe this kiss started slow but this astronomical event ends harshly—the sun pulling away from the moon—Jade is embarrassed to admit there was a second his lips chased Summer’s before she remembered one Very important detail: Summer Dileo likes boys, and Jade Ngô is not a boy.
Summer pulls away harshly like she’s been burnt which isn’t fair, Summer Dileo is the sun, so it should be Jade who is burnt by her celestial hands and heavenly strawberry flavoured lips. She physically moves herself away from Jade and he can feel the rush of coolness that envelopes her, he resists the urge to hug herself for warmth. And then Summer is apologising, and Jade desperately wishes she wouldn’t because she can still taste the strawberry lip gloss and Jade knows he’ll taste it forever. If it doesn’t haunt her already now, he knows it will very soon. Then Summer’s looking at her with an expression in her eyes that Jade can’t read, and he can’t do this anymore, her chest is already beginning to hurt.
‘Jade I… Thank you… for helping me practise. I got a bit carried away there.’ Summer lets out an awkward chuckle that tugs on Jade’s already fragile heart strings. ‘I… I wanted to see if I was good and I mean you’re good, you’re a good kisser, but um I didn’t know If I was and I was scared I wasn’t going to be, and I just want to be good at it…’ There’s something about the tone of Summer’s voice that makes her seem small and Jade just wants to hold her close and reassure her. He doesn’t. ‘I mean… I don’t want to disappoint my boyfriend. I don’t think he-’
‘Wait, your what?’ Jade does Not like how desperate her voice sounds.
‘My boyfriend, Jasper, you know Jasper, we started dating a week ago and I just want to be a good girlfriend.’ Jade wants to hold her close and promise she’s the most perfect girlfriend ever, but she did just kiss Jade, so he says nothing at all. Not until she successfully holds back tears and meets Summer’s eyes for the first time since their kiss. Kisses his mind unhelpfully supplies.
‘Fuck, Summer, I wouldn’t have agreed if I knew you had a boyfriend! Shit. That’s not fair on him, Summer.’ That’s not fair on me either.
Summer just looks guilty then and Jade just cannot take it anymore. Because it’s not fair for Jasper at all but Jade knows who he is and she’s never liked him much. Yes, he feels bad for him but there’s a larger part that feels worse for herself. Jade has just made out with his crush only to be forced to remember how incredibly straight she is. Jealousy creeps up, lodging itself in the beating of Jade’s chest. Jade is going to taste the strawberry lip gloss for the rest of her life while Summer wastes it on boys who just like the chase like Jasper or any other stupid fucking boy. Then Jade takes a deep breath, because there’s no point being angry in the first place; Summer Dileo is Not and never will be her girlfriend. Jade just wishes he didn’t have to kiss Summer before she realised this.