Chapter Text
Disclaimer : JK Rowling made Harry Potter.
The hospital room was in complete chaos, and Ron was regretting every decision that led him to this moment. Hermione was in labor, gripping the hospital bed's railing so tightly it looked like it might snap.
Ron stood beside her, pale and sweating, offering what he thought was comforting encouragement. "You’re doing amazing, love! Just think about how cute the baby will be!" he said with a nervous laugh.
Hermione turned her head sharply, her face contorted in a mix of pain and fury. "Cute?! CUTE?! RONALD WEASLEY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"
Ron gulped and took a step back. "M-my fault? But Hermione, it takes two to—"
"DO NOT FINISH THAT SENTENCE!" Hermione yelled, grabbing the nearest object—a pillow—and hurling it at his head.
Ron ducked, but not quickly enough. The pillow hit him squarely in the face. "I—I’m sorry! I love you, Hermione!" he stammered, inching further away.
Before Hermione could respond, another contraction hit, and she let out a blood-curdling scream. "I SWEAR, RON, YOU ARE NEVER TOUCHING ME AGAIN!"
Ron looked like he’d been hit with a Stupefy spell. His mouth opened and closed like a fish. "Never? But...but Hermione!" he whined, looking genuinely heartbroken. "This isn’t fair!"
From the doorway, Harry peered in, clearly entertained by the spectacle. He leaned casually against the frame, eating what appeared to be a chocolate frog. "You alright there, Ron?" he asked with a smirk. "You look like you’ve just seen a Dementor."
Ron turned to him, wide-eyed. "Harry, mate, help me out here! Hermione’s gone mad!"
Harry burst out laughing, nearly choking on his chocolate frog. "Mad? She’s having your baby, Ron! You’re lucky she hasn’t hexed you yet."
Hermione let out another scream, making both men flinch. She turned her attention to Harry. "You think this is funny, Potter? Get OUT before I hex you!"
Harry raised his hands in mock surrender. "Alright, alright, I’m going. But this is hilarious." He gave Ron a wink before disappearing down the hall, his laughter echoing behind him.
Back in the room, Hermione’s contraction subsided, and she slumped back against the pillows, glaring daggers at Ron. He tried to approach her again, but her glare stopped him in his tracks.
"Ron," she said in a dangerously calm voice, "if you faint or say something stupid, I will personally make sure you never father another child again."
Ron nodded quickly. "Got it. No fainting. No stupid comments. Just here to support you, love!" He gave her a nervous thumbs-up.
But just as he finished speaking, Hermione let out another scream, clutching her stomach. "WHERE IS THE HEALER?!"
The healer rushed in, looking concerned. "Everything alright in here?"
"NO, EVERYTHING IS NOT ALRIGHT!" Hermione yelled. "GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME!"
The healer nodded and began checking her vitals, but the tension was too much for Ron. His face turned ghostly white, and he wobbled on his feet. "I—I think I need to sit down," he muttered.
Before anyone could react, Ron swayed once, twice, and then collapsed to the floor with a loud thud.
Hermione, despite her pain, rolled her eyes. "Seriously? I’m the one giving birth, and he’s the one fainting?"
The healer crouched down beside Ron, shaking him lightly. "Sir? Are you alright?"
Harry reappeared in the doorway, clearly having heard the commotion. He took one look at Ron sprawled on the floor and burst into laughter again. "Oh, this just keeps getting better!"
Hermione groaned. "Harry, either you help or get out!"
Harry wiped tears of laughter from his eyes. "Right, right. Sorry. I’ll take him to the waiting room."
The healer revived Ron, who sat up groggily. "What happened? Did the baby arrive?"
"NO, RON!" Hermione snapped. "And if you faint again, you won’t live to see it!"
Ron scrambled to his feet, swaying a little but staying upright this time. "Right. Got it. No fainting. Totally fine."
The healer glanced at Hermione and gave her an encouraging smile. "You're almost there, Mrs. Weasley."
"Thank Merlin," Hermione muttered. Then she turned to Ron. "And you, you’re not off the hook. We are never doing this again!"
Ron’s face fell. "Never?"
Hermione smirked, her expression softening just a bit. "Well, maybe. If you’re lucky."
Ron brightened immediately, but before he could say anything, another contraction hit, and the chaos began all over again. Harry, still laughing, whispered to himself as he walked away, "This is why I’ll never have kids."