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He needed to stop having crises every school year. That or stop drinking his dad's alcohol, it tasted like shit anyways. Stan was at the point where drinking had stopped taking the edge off, but it helped and he knew his friends wouldn't like it if he picked up drugs or something, he didn't need another addiction or similarity with his dad. Kyle would probably be pissed if he did. Kyle.
Goddammit, Kyle. He was the cause of Stan's current crisis. The two had always been close, always, they were best friends–no, more than that. But not in the way Stan wanted.
Maybe it was the alcohol talking, because he never felt this way sober, or maybe he's just repressed this feeling for so long he can ignore it when not inebriated, but being with Kyle felt right . Maybe Stan felt the need to ignore the feeling because he knew he'd be too obvious, or that he'd get rejected and ruin his longest, strongest friendship.
He was always around Kyle, they would touch sometimes, which was normal for friends, but Stan always felt weirdly lonely after Kyle would move his hand or he'd pull away. Stan knew what it felt like to like someone, but that someone was always a specific girl . And, sure, maybe he could find similarities in Kyle's and Wendy's personalities, but looking at Kyle felt different than looking at Wendy. It was a much stronger feeling, and it scared him.
Maybe this whole thing scared him. Kyle was so… vibrant and fiery, and Stan admired him for it most times, but now he felt so dull compared to the others. Kyle wouldn't like him like that, Kyle wasn't even interested in a relationship with anyone. Stan didn't know if he was, either. Sure, maybe at times their friendship blurred the line between platonic and dating and left them in a weird, not- but almost-situationship that pained him.
He felt desperate, like he was wasting his time hung up on a guy who was less than likely to return his feelings. But that was okay because he didn't trust his own feelings. Maybe he only liked Kyle because of forced proximity, or he was just confused. It didn't matter, he'd never act on it.
He didn't like Kyle, Stan decided then. And he couldn't nor would. If he did, he'd deal with it through drowning out the feeling and ignoring it, he's come this far, why stop now?