Work Text:
subtitle: the queen that never was
Ill suits it now the joys of love to know,
Too deep my anguish, and too wild my woe.
“Aelora, wait up!”
Giggling, Aelora turned around and spotted her brother Aelor running after her. “Catch me if you can!” she called to him and kept on running. It was a beautiful day, spring was finally upon them, and they were visiting their uncle and his family at Summerhall. Aelora closed her eyes and enjoyed the wind caressing her cheeks, and the scent of blossoming flowers engulfing her. She could hear her brother's steps behind her, trying to catch up.
Suddenly she went flying. It was an amazing feeling, and she briefly wondered if that was what her ancestors had felt like when they rode their dragons, soaring through the sky, that feeling of ecstasy and excitement, of exuberance and exhilaration..
But it came to an end all too soon and Aelora was back on the ground again, suddenly wet and sitting disoriented in a muddy, little brook.
“Aelora! Are you hurt?” Aelor fell to his knees next to her, breathlessly, a concerned look on his sweet face. He touched his hand to her cheek and stared intently at her. She could see herself reflected in his lilac orbs, so like her own. He was her likeness, in face and looks and manners. If they hadn't been boy and girl, one would have had a hard time telling them apart, so alike did they appear.
Aelora laughed and swatted his hand away. “Quite all right, little brother, don't worry about it.” She got up, her dress was soaked and clung to her body. She shivered in the wind, which was suddenly cold and no longer caressing.
“But you're hurt!” Aelor took one of her hands, which was bleeding slightly from a cut. “It's nothing.” She tried to shake him off but he refused to let her hands go. “And you're cold. Here, take my coat.” Slipping out of his coat, Aelor put it around her shoulders and turned his attention back to her hands. Gently, he blew at the wound, and inspected it. “Does it hurt very baldy?”
“Not at all.” Aelora lied, impatient to get back to exploring the estate. Her hand was stinging and her ankle throbbing. Aelor's eyes stared into hers, he smiled slightly. “You're a terrible liar, sister.” he told her quietly, intimately.
“No,” Aelora retorted. “You simply know me far too well.”
“Because you and I, we're linked; I can always tell what you're thinking and feeling. So why don't you let me take care of that cut for you?” His voice was the most familiar sound in the world to her. She was convinced that it had been the first thing she'd heard, coming out of her mother's womb, followed shortly by Aelor.
Lifting her hand up to his mouth, he kissed the cut. Aelora was watching him fondly, her Aelor, her brother, her everything. The bond they shared – no one could understand it, no one could replicate it. She almost pitied those who never got to experience it, never felt a love so great and a familiarity so strong. He was her other half, they shared everything; one heart, one mind, one brain.
She stared into Aelor's eyes and couldn't help smiling. They needn't even talk, he could read in her eyes like a book. He knew him even being there, by her side, was enough to lessen the sting of even the most excruciating of pain. Kissing his cheek as thanks, she turned around and started running again. “Catch me if you can!” she yelled, and felt comforted in the knowledge that he was following close behind. That he would, like her very own shadow, always stay close by.
“Aelora, you should come down from there! Our lady mother has forbidden you from climbing trees. It does not behove a princess, she says.” Looking down, Aelora could see her brother through the leaves of the tree she was currently climbing up.
Laughing, she challenged him. “Why don't you come up here and get me to come down, then?” Their lady mother, Lady Alys Arryn, had taken the twins with her on a visit to the Vale, where she was from, and Aelora loved to be out of King's Landing and the Red Keep. Climbing trees had always held a certain appeal to her. Or maybe it was jumping down the tree from high up, savouring the feeling of flying, free and unchained like the dragon she truly was.
Aelor looked doubtful, not wishing to comply. He was always so gentle, her Aelor, so much more easily managed than his rash sister.
“It does not behove a prince to be craven; much less a king.” she called down to him, taunting him. She saw him flinch. “Aelora,” he warned her. “You should not speak so. It is treason.”
Aelora laughed again. “Why? After the death of uncle Baelor, we have moved up in succession to the throne!”
“You seem to forget Valarr and Matarys, Baelor's sons, and uncle Aerys. I do not think it is likely at all that we should ever move into the vicinity of the throne, and I have no desire for it in any case.” he explained patiently.
“No desire to be a king? How odd of you, Aelor! Doesn't everyone secretly harbour the wish to be king? I know I would love being a queen.” She saw Aelor's consternated expression and giggled again.
“You truly should not speak so rashly, sister.” he admonished her, and added. “Please just come down form that tree, you could get hurt.”
“If you wish me to come down, you will have to come up and get me.” she repeated and climbed higher yet in the tree. “Fine,” Aelor amended. “Don't move.” Not as nimbly as his sister, he climbed from branch to branch, trying to catch up to her and reach her. But Aelora was determined to escape him and ascended in the tree, laughingly eluding his grasping hands.
“Aelora, please, stay where you-”
A loud creaking sound swallowed the rest of his sentence and was shortly followed by the sound of several breaking branches and Aelor crashing to the ground. Panic filled Aelora and she felt an overwhelming dizziness overtake her body. Climbing down the tree the same way she had just climbed up, she quickly reached the ground and knelt next to Aelor. He was bleeding in several places and badly scratched, his right arm was lying at an odd angle next to him. His eyes were closed
“Oh Gods, Aelor. Please, say something!” Aelora begged. Shaking, she touched her hand to his cheek and leaned over him. “Aelor, this isn't funny! Please! I'm so sorry. It's all my fault, I promise I'll never climb anything ever again!” Sobs muffled her voice and she could hardly see his face now for all the tears blinding her, she was rambling and her words hardly making sense.
When he opened up his eyes, she let out a relieved shriek and buried her face in his chest. “I thought you were dead.” she rambled, and held him close, only releasing him when she felt him wince.
“It's nothing.” he mumbled, trying to give her a brittle smile. It looked forced and pained, and Aelora felt a new deluge of tears threatening to overtake her. “Oh Gods, I hate myself. You are badly hurt. I must hurry and fetch someone to come and help you!”
His good hand shot out and grabbed her dress. “Don't leave me,” he begged. “Don't leave me alone.” Aelora could see that tears were welling up in his eyes now and valiantly swallowed her own. She had to be strong now and console her sweet Aelor. “Of course not. I would never leave you, my love,” she soothed him and kissed his forehead. “It's going to be all right. Tell me, my love, where does it hurt?” Stroking his face and smoothing down his dishevelled silver-golden hair, she wished for nothing more than to lay down next to him and take his pain from him, to transfer it her to herself, as she deserved, to alleviate it. She hated herself for having caused him pain and wished she could turn back time and undo this terrible mess she had created. Se was such a terrible, selfish sister to her Aelor, she didn't deserve him one bit.
“Everywhere.” he replied, his smile wry. “Oh Gods, I thought I'd killed you.” Aelora sighed and kissed his face again. “As if I would ever leave my sweet Aelora behind. With me gone, who'd be there to look out for you? I promise, I will not ever leave you. I truly promise.”
“Good. Because if you did, I don't now how I'd ever survive,” Her voice cracked and she sniffled. “I truly did not mean to case you harm, yet somehow that always seem to be what I'm doing. I do not know why you don't hate me by now, I am a terrible sister. You should hate me! I deserve it.”
“Hate my sweet Aelora? That would mean hating myself; for we are but the same being in two different bodies. Now, look at me, Aelora.” Forcing her eyes to meet his, he whispered softly. “I have never wished to be king. I have only ever wished to be with you, and nothing could keep me away.” Sitting back, Aelora gently took his head and cradled it in her lap. “I swear I'll never hurt you again.” she vowed and wondered how long it would take for someone to find them. “Don't make promises you cannot keep.” Aelor admonished her, yet smiling teasingly, and snuggled into her skirts.
Staring out of the window in her rooms in the Red Keep, Aelora smoothed down her gown, a sly smile on her lips. Aelor was reclining on her bed, reading something. He was quite bookish, always reading something or other, and it vexed Aelora that he did not seem to take note of her beauty, although it was much commented on at court, and she looked particularly lovely today. Her uncle Aerys now king and without any progeny, her father had been named Prince of Dragenstone, and Aelora knew it was only matter of time until her brother would be king, and she his queen. Maybe jealousy would rouse him, she hoped. She could not help playing these kinds of silly, little games.
“Cousin Daeron has grown to be such a handsome man, do you not think, brother?” she wondered aloud and sat down next to her brother on the bed. “I hadn't noticed. “ Aelor replied drily, and gave her a wry look before turning the page of the book he was holding.
“Yes, he is so very charming and all of court is commenting on his good looks. I believe he and I would make for a nice couple, both of us so very stunning to look at. Often, I've been told so. Our parents and his would certainly welcome the match.” she went one, watching him out of the corner of her eyes. “Certainly, you would.” Aelor agreed and did not rise to the bait.
“I am sure he is a very skilled lover.” Aelora almost cringed as she uttered the words. Daeron always smelt disgustingly of wine, and even the thought of kissing him made her want to retch.
“I daresay he might be. At least when he isn't in his cups.” he retorted. She smiled. Their thoughts seemed to be running along the same lines, as always they did. Yet Aelor still hadn't looked up from his book and it bothered her. She was tempted to take the book, seize the damn thing, and throw it out of the window, so she might finally have his full attention. Other men were so easily manipulated. Yet not Aelor, of course, her match and her twin and she wanted him, oh Gods, how she wanted him. Longed for him, heart and soul and mind.
“He has told me how beautiful I have become since the last time he saw me.” She tried again, almost desperate now and without any subtlety. Of course she knew it to be true, she was truly stunning, and looking upon Aelor's face now only proved it, because so was he, and the two of them so alike in every way: his eye were her eyes, the shade of his lilac orbs matched hers exactly, and his lips, that she so wished and longed to kiss, were formed and curved like hers were; and she softly touched her lips now and closed her eyes, imagining that she was touching his.
She was feeling his gaze on her now, and so she opened her eyes and found that she was right. He had finally lowered the dratted book and was staring at her, and she could see herself reflected in his eyes, her fair silver-golden hair spilling over the gown of Myrish lace she was wearing, and her breasts heaving and pressing against the confines of her dress.
His voice was gentle, like silk, as he whispered. “Then he must be right for the first time in his life.” and his eyes never left hers and she was growing hot. Deep in her belly, the feeling of desire had kindled and was steadily growing. “How sad,” she murmured, her voice as quiet as his and as smooth. “How sad that everyone seems to think so, bar you. So many men would envy you, having me by their side, but you seem to be untouched by my great beauty and my womanly wiles.”
What good did it do, she thought sadly, being this beautiful if he did not regard it?
She got up abruptly, breaking eye contact, and returned to the window. It almost hurt physically to break the tension and to put space between them, yet she needed her head to be clear. Her voice was quiet. Intentionally so, she almost wished he would not hear what next she had to say. “You who might soon be king...”-“Aelora, please, not this again!”-”...who might soon be king, and me to be your queen, but mayhap...mayhap you wish for another to take my place.” A single tear trickled down her cheek.
When next he spoke, he was much closer than before. Without her noticing, he must have gotten off the bed and advanced upon her, she could feel his breath on her neck, the hairs all over her body stood on end.
“I told you once, I never wished to be king,” he breathed, and shivers ran upon and down her spine, knowing him so close completely undid her. “Yet I have always revered and loved the queen who rules and reigns over my heart.”
Aelora closed her eye, her heart was beating fast, as a dragon's strong wings, as he continued. “She may do with my heart as she pleases, play with it and disregard it. She may flirt with others before me, and flaunt her beauty, and give her affection and then take it away. Because my heart will always be hers and that may never change. It has always been thus, there has never been even the possibility of me seeing someone else, not when she is in the room with me, for I must focus all my senses on her. I do not dare look away, I must drink all of her in. She owns my heart and only around her does it beat properly.”
His voice was quiet and intimate and so terribly familiar to her, and she truly wanted him to put his arms around her and to kiss her senseless as she knew men could.
“What a cruel queen,” she replied huskily. “Who so toys with your heart. And foolish she must be, for her own heart and yours are one and the same, separated at birth and now longing to be reunited. My heart, it sings when it is close to yours because it knows its other half is not far off.”
“Foolish and cruel, mayhap. Yet the most beautiful thing upon this world, and the most precious thing to me,” He retorted, and she could feel his lips on the base of her neck. “What a shame that you thought I did not think so, for you should know, not a moment does pass without your face being imprinted upon my lids, and I have never lain eyes upon anyone as exquisite as you are and have always been.”
Aelora wet her lips and inclined her face. “Pretty words you say, brother. Yet it is actions that speak louder than words ever do.”
Aelor turned her around and he did not have a gentle look in his eyes now. “I shall revere with my mouth what my eyes have always desired.” he promised, and then he picked her up and carried her towards the bed, where he laid her down tenderly. He climbed onto her, his arms next to her, carrying his weight, and he lowered his head to her neck, where softly he kissed it.
Even so slight a touch was enough to set all of Aelora aflame. She buried her hands in the soft silk of his shirt and whimpered. His next kiss he placed where neck met shoulder, and Aelora bit her lower lip impatiently. “Take me,” she breathed. “I want us to be one.” Her hands went to the laces of her dress and she began to unlace them.
“No.” he replied, and stilled her hands with his.”I have waited years for this moment, and I will not allow it to pass this quickly. I will devour every lovely inch of you, and only then shall I grant you your wish. You shall suffer as I have suffered all this time, watching you try to rile me up by flirting with others before me, none of them worthy of a queen.” he explained languidly and looked down into her flushed face, his gaze feverish. A slows smile spread over his face and he ran one of his hands along her bare neck. Her lips parted, she felt needy and weak.
“At least kiss me properly.” she begged, her voice breathless and as their lips melted into one, and they breathed as one, Aelora felt that feeling again, one she hadn't experienced in years, not since she had ceased being a little girl. It was like tumbling and rushing through the air, aimlessly and headlessly falling down, down, down. Unlike jumping from a tree must inevitable come to an end, however, the feeling seemed to just go on and on and on now as he kissed her, never stopping, and deliriously she wished it never would cease making her head spin thus.
Sleepily, Aelora opened her eyes. Her head hurt fiercely and she supposed it must come form the copious amounts of wine she had imbibed the night before. Turning her head, she saw Aelor soundly sleeping next to her. Moving closer to him, she kissed his ear and waited for him to open his eyes. “Good morning, husband.” she greeted him and with joy did she think of the previous night when they had finally been married. They were now not merely one in thought and mind, but before the Gods as well.
“Good morning, wife,” he replied and kissed first the top of her head, then the tip of her nose. “You wake today even more beautiful than you went to bed the day before.” She laughed and called him a flatterer, and then touched her head with a groan. “I fear I drank too much last night.” she confessed. Now he was laughing. “I can think of something to alleviate your discomfort.” he replied and she felt his hand creeping up her leg. “Oh, you and your talk of an heir! Very well. I daresay it marks a nice enough beginning for our life as a married couple.” And she kissed him and all other thoughts fled her head.
Aelora woke up feeling nauseous, leaned over the edge of the bed and puked into the chamber pot. She felt wretched, had been for the last few days and had hardly left her room. Aelor, who had been the Prince of Dragonstone, their uncle's heir, nigh on two years, had been absent from court for the last month and Aelora missed him terribly. Never before had they been apart this long and she ascribed her bad state to his absence. Not being close to him was afflicting her body and tormenting her soul.
A knock on the door pulled Aelora out of her reverie and she bade them come in. It was her lady mother, come to see why she was still abed this late into the day. “I'm feeling quite dreadful.” Aelora confessed to her, and allowed her to feel her forehead. Her lady mother pursed her lips and sent a maid to fetch the maester. He examined her thoroughly and although Aelora felt weak, she did not miss the loaded gaze her lady mother and the maester exchanged. “What is it?” she demanded shrewishly.
“My dear, your husband should be back some time this week, shan't he? I am sure he will be most delighted to hear that you are with child!”
“Oh, how I've missed you, my love.” Throwing her arms around him, Aelora gave Aelor a quick peck on the cheek and reluctantly let go of him, aware they were not alone right now and being watched.
“And I you,” he assured her and surveyed her with a cursory glance. Frowning, he took one of her hands and kissed it tenderly. “Beloved, you look sickly. What has been ailing you?” Aelora gave him a faint smile but before she could relay the joyous news, their mother swept in upon them, hugged her son and announced resoundingly “My dear, your sister is with child! She has been unwell these past weeks but I assure you, it is a most auspicious occasion.”
Aelora felt Aelor's eyes resting on her face and looked up to meet them. They were shining brightly, and she saw in his face that if they had been alone right now, he would have lavished her with kisses and tenderness. She shared his desire but as the Prince of Dragonstone, heir to the Iron Throne, he now longer enjoyed the same liberties as he had as the progeny of a third son.
He might yet be king, she thought to herself as she watched Aelor being led away, to be detained the following hours with matters of politics and royal decrees. Sighing, Aelora determined to take care to look especially ravishing tonight at the banquet, given on the occasion of his return to court. Touching her hand to her stomach, she could already feel the tell-tale nausea creeping up on her. She could not say why, but despite her brother's return, she felt that something was off. Not completely right. She bit her lip and turned to leave, the thought of a hot bath beckoning to her.
“I have hardly had time to properly welcome you back.” she told him later the same day as he came to her room to escort her. Pulling her closer to him, he kissed first her eyelids and then her lips. “I have missed you so, my love,” he murmured into her hair, where he buried his face. “And I am overjoyed to hear of your carrying our child. Everything is going perfectly right now, wouldn't you say? And me closer to being king than ever before I was, you must be so glad.”
When she didn't reply at once, he looked up and frowned. “Aren't you glad?” he inquired, reading her so well, as ever he had. Smiling faintly, she kissed his nose and explained. “Maybe you going to be king isn't the dream come true I always thought it would be. We will hardly be seeing each other and Bloodraven will always...always be watching. And our child...Consider what they are saying of Bloodraven, how he killed the children growing in Valarr's wife's womb. I fear he may do so again and keep the babe from being born.” Deeply concerned, she gazed into his eyes, willing him to understand her fear.
“My fearless Aelora,” Aelor murmured. “Has grown up to be a wise woman. You do well to be weary of him, yet you should not worry too much. This pregnancy is wearing you out and causing you to dwell on dark thoughts. My absence has unsettled and bothered you, as it has me. But now I am back and you need not worry anymore. I assure you, everything is going to be fine. I love you.” He kissed her deeply and slowly.
“You look radiant tonight,” he added, when they came up for air. “If a little pale. Mayhap I can summon a pretty blush to your cheeks.” And he kissed her again, passionately, pulling her as close to him as he could, pleasure pooling into the depths of her belly. When they broke part, they were both breathing heavily and smiling brightly at one another. “I love you.” she said, touching her fingers to her lips that must surely look red and swollen, and letting him open the door for her.
The hours wiled away slowly, the heat and loud voices in the room suffocating Aelora. How odd; usually she loved banquets and delighted in the flatteries and compliments given to her. If she was going to be feeling like this for the rest of the pregnancy, she was sure she was going to hate it. She hardly touched her food and she knew Aelor was watching her with worry in his eyes, so she forced herself to swallow the food on her plate instead of merely staring at it in disgust. Usually, the roles were reversed, him careful and quiet and her the centre of attention, yet today she felt misplaced and could not wait to retire to spend more time with her husband. Every moment spent in his company was a treasure to her, especially as they had been parted for a long while for the first time in their lives.
When Bloodraven approached them, she felt her heartbeat quicken. She had never much regarded her great-uncle, although he had always spooked her. Yet as a child she had been so brash and fearless that she could not understand why he frightened her so all of a sudden. “Lady Aelora, I have a special treat for you. Fruits brought all the way from Dorne, said to be beneficial to a woman who goes with child.” He presented her with several red, odd-looking fruits. Forcing herself to smile, she took them and put them aside. “I thank you, uncle, yet I am not hungry at this moment. I may try one later once my appetite has returned.” she thanked him.
“Lady Aelora, I assure you these will improve upon your health. If I may be so bold, I can see that you are unwell and these may alleviate some of your troubles.” Aelor took her hand and pressed it. “Do eat one, my love. I am sure you will feel the better for it.” he asked her.
Wishing to be rid of her uncle, Aelora complied and forced herself to partake of one of the fruits presented to her. To her surprise, she found that they did not taste bad, but rather fresh and not too sweet. Bloodraven bowed slightly and retreated. Although he was gone, Aelora finished eating the fruit, it's red juice staining her lips and coating her fingers.
“You're making a mess, my love.” Aelor smiled and took one of her hands into his. “Truly,” she agreed, a little embarrassed, and returned his smile. Lifting her hand to his lips, he first kissed her fingers and then took them into his mouth one by one, slowly sucking the sticky, sweet juice from them and making the heat rise into her cheeks. “How wanton of you!” she whispered to him, yet aroused and lustful she wet her lips provocatively. Leaning down, he first licked the juice from her lips and then kissed her, both of them knowing they were behaving egregiously, yet being overwhelmed by being reunited after so many days apart and surely they would be forgiven their youthful misbehaviour.
“It tastes as sweet as you look tonight, my love.” he complimented her and she giggled. “I've truly missed this,” she sighed. “I do no know how I survived the past month without your flatteries to keep me going. You are truly the most splendid-” Violent coughing interrupted her. Aelor was gripping his neck and his face was turning red.
“Aelor?” She reached for him, but another violent coughing fit shook him. His lips were looking oddly swollen, quickly gaining in size and growing even bigger, and he did not stop coughing. “My love,” she cried. “What is it?”
Someone grabbed her arm and tried pulling her away. She fought them, crying and screaming for Aelor, who wouldn't stop coughing. She tried catching his gaze and when she did, she saw terror and fear dwelling within their depths. She knew then what was happening.
Screaming loudly and piercingly, she started thrashing wildly about, trying to get to him. He was now being surrounded by members of the Kingsguard, someone called for a maester. But she knew; Aelora had seen the panic in his eyes, had read it on his face and had seen his lips move, forming words but not having the breath to utter them. He was suffocating and she stood but few paces away, being forced to watch it transpire, being a witness to his demise.
“No, “ she screamed. “No! Aelor. Let me go! I want to go...I want to go to him. No, Aelor! Please. No. No. I have to...” But the grip around her waist was as iron and she fought in vain to rid herself of it, and before her own two eyes, she saw his body slacken and being caught by a member of the Kingsguard as he...as it fell to the floor. She screamed and screamed, she could not stop thinking about the look in his eyes, and the words his lips had formed, knowing it would be the last time he would get to say them to her.
“I love you,” his lips had said, his goodbye to his wife and twin, and as they pulled her from the room screaming and kicking, and the life left his limp boy, she knew that she had killed him with her own fingers and her own deadly lips. She could already feel it closing in on her, surrounding her mercilessly.
That emptiness.
That massive hole inside her body, where her heart used to be. But it had died with him, suffocating, gasping for air. Already she felt a deep, all-encompassing pain overtake her whole being, thusly bereaved of her other half.
She had once pitied those who did not know the sureness of having a twin, someone who so completely knew and understood one as her Aelor had understood his Aelora. And now she was the one of them left alone, no longer part of a couple, no longer a twin, simply a lonely, single being having to bear the hardships of life on her own. Loneliness beckoned for the rest of her miserable life.
Aelora could hardly breath, the knowledge of it all devastating, and numbly she felt that this was how Aelor must have felt mere seconds ago, how the fear in his eyes had been for both their sakes, how he had feared leaving her for good and was also being fearful of being left. When she looked down her body and saw the blood turning the front of her silver gown crimson, she did not feel surprised at all, because half of her body had been torn away after all. Of course she would bleed now, it made perfect sense.
Gingerly touching the blood staining her dress, she put her fingers to her mouth, distantly colouring her lips red. Red as the blood pouring from her, the same blood that would soon turn cold in Aelor's body
and those lips had killed him
and she had killed what she loved most in this world.
She couldn't bear to be parted from Aelor, and she couldn't stop screaming and someone picked her up now, carrying her away. Yet she couldn't stop. Not when she knew she would never see him again. Not in the long life stretching out before her, in which she would never be queen and he never king, and that knowledge she would have to bear up until her own miserable, lonely death.
She might hope for fleeting glimpses of him in far-off dreams, recalling his face which was slowly fading from her memory, yet leaving no mark or lasting impression behind, and to be forgotten as soon as the dream ended. Then she would wake and would once again remember that she was alone in this world that she had once entered in his company. Would wake every day to the crushing realization that he was dead and his death had been dealt him by his own beloved's hands.
“She's lost the child. The maester administered milk of the poppy, but that was some hours ago. She should wake soon. And let us pray that she hasn't lost her mind, as well. It was quite a shock to her. Poor girl. People might think that she was always the stronger and bolder between the two of them. In truth, she was wholly dependant on him, completely adored him, relied on his quiet strength. I fear for her mind.” “Hush now . She looks to be coming to.”
Dazedly opening her eyes, Aelora looked around the room. Her whole body ached and she felt disoriented. “Where am I?” she choked out, her voice cracking and husky, her throat burning.
“In your bed, my love. No, do not rise. I shall call for the maester to come.” And her mother bustled out of the room. Aelora frowned. Her mother was wearing black. Had someone died? The king? Her head ached so, thinking hurt and was difficult.
“Aelor, where are you? Aelor?” Panic started filling her, something was wrong. “Aelor...” Tears were swiftly rising and gathering in her eyes and she felt like a little girl again, lost in the Red Keep.
“It's all right, my love, I am here.” Turning her head, she saw Aelor, sitting in the corner of the room, smiling at her, and endless relief filled her. Of course nothing had happened to him, as if he would ever leave her! “My love, I had a terrible dream. Come here and let me hold you.” He walked over to her and laid down on the bed next to her. Snuggling closer to him, she closed her eyes.
“Our lady mother has been so very peculiar the morning, it has quite upset me. Poor mother, father's death has left her a broken woman. I should be kinder to her, don't you think? What a terrible daughter I am. And sister. I just hope I can be better mother to our little one.” She gently touched her stomach and smiled up at Aelor.
“Aelora, who are you talking to?” Her mother had returned, the maester following her into the room, and was now staring at Aelora, a strange look on her face.”Why, but to Aelor, mother. What an odd question,” She saw her mother and the maester exchange a gaze and frowned, displeased. “Have you got nothing better to do than to bother us? I should rest, the babe needs me to be strong and healthy, and I have felt very unwell lately. Do leave us now.” Turning her back to them, she confessed to Aelor. “I can only stand to be around you, my love. Being with you calms me so.”
“Aelora!” Her mother had not left. She had come closer and sat on the bed next to Aelora, was now taking her hand. A look of grief on her face. Aelora suddenly recognized how old her lady mother was looking. She used to be a comely woman, never matching Aelor's own beauty of course. When had she started looking so worn and tired?
“My love, you need to be strong now. We all do. Aelor...he died last night, he dwells with the gods now. It must have been a reaction to the Dornish fruit, he did not take well to it and it...well, it suffocated him. It was a terrible accident. I know how you must suffer, when I lost your father I...Never mind that now. Please drop this act you are putting on. It is distressing me. And the babe, it too is gone. But do not worry, the maester assures me your womb may well quicken again. You are young yet, you will find companionship elsewhere, I'm sure, and have many babes.”
Aelora stared at her mother in disbelief and slowly extricated her hand from her mother's. “I do not know what you are playing at,” she said, her voice icy. “When Aelor is right here next to me, and the babe is in good health and well within my womb. Your grief over my lord father's death must have greatly distressed you indeed. Please, leave me and Aelor alone now, so that we might enjoy some privacy in peace.” “Aelora-” her mother began. “Leave us.” Aelora ordered, her voice hard.
Once the door had closed behind them, she turned back to her twin. “How odd everyone is behaving! I am so glad that you at least are being your usual self.”
Aelor merely gave her gentle smile and caressed her cheek, and she felt safe in his arms and was sure that nothing might ever harm them as long as they stayed like this.
Sitting on her bed, Aelora stared down at the dagger in her lap. She felt hollow and ached all over. The evening's events played out over and over in her mind. The splendid masked ball, the beautiful gown she'd worn, feeling like herself for the first time in what seemed like an eternity. The surprise and horror she felt when she had been assaulted by three strange men; a rat, a hawk, and a pig. The crude way they had spoken to and about her, laughing about her, reviling the beauty she had been so proud of once. She knew only too well that it wasn't what once it had been. Her once plumb curves had vanished and she looked too thin and worn. It was the babe. The babe she was carrying, taking her strength.
Or so she'd thought. Yet the last night had opened her eyes to reality. Looking around her room now, she couldn't see Aelor anywhere and her heart contracted painfully. So it was true. She had been deluded, she had lived in a world of her own delusion, not being able to face the harsh reality. The last few months, Aelor had been dead all along. She had only imagined him being alive. In truth, he had died months earlier, at her own hands.
Aelora caressed the dagger in her lap as she had once caressed Aelor's face. Mere hours earlier she had thought him alive still, had talked to him as if he were in the room with her. When all along...
She had not danced even one dance at the ball, content merely to watch others enjoy what she herself had so dearly loved when she was younger.
She'd felt so safe in Aelor's arms at the age of six-and-ten, when they had swept through the brightly lit room together, both beautiful to look upon, a mirror image. Dancing with him had been a delight, both of them lost to their surroundings and content in only watching the other. Those days were long past.
Tonight, after sitting down in a deserted corner, seemingly only Aelor as her company, she had then been approached by the men masked as the rat, the hawk and the pig, greeting them pleasantly yet wishing they would leave her to herself. They had not, they had mocked her instead. Made fun of her, called her mad and deluded, for thinking her brother still alive when the whole world knew he was long dead. At her own hands.
Shocked and confused, she had turned to Aelor next to her, smiling complacently, yet saying nothing to defend her. She had thought, surely not, they must be lying, I can see him plain as day here next to me. Aelora had stared long and hard into his eyes. And she had not seen herself reflected in them. They had only been empty, devoid of the liveliness and tenderness they had always held. She had known it then. Without a doubt, she'd known. She had gotten up, shaking, her knees weak. Pushing past them, she had retched, the wine she'd imbibed coming back up. Steadying herself against the wall, she had left the ball, somehow making her way up to her room. Aelor conspicuously absent, and she was feeling cold, so cold.
She was locked up in her room now, staring down at the dagger, contemplating, undecided. Would it be a quick and painless death? Did she even deserve such mercy? The guilt was eating away at her. For all the months she'd suppressed it, it was back in full force, almost forcing her to her knees. She longed to be with Aelor so deeply, so strongly, she thought she felt his presence next to her. Yet when she turned her head, the room was empty and cold.
Now that she knew Aelor was gone from this world, she longed so much for him. Biting down hard on her lip, she felt blood well up and remembered how he'd kissed her that last time. No matter how quick a kiss from Aelor, it had always given her that wonderful feeling of flying, of being air-borne. Made her feel the way she'd felt as a young girl, carefree and happy with him by her side. She wished so much to be that girl again, to experience that emotion again, and then suddenly, she knew. She knew what she had to do with a surety and clarity that startled her.
Disposing of the dagger, a beautiful one that had once belonged to her twin, her husband, her Aelor, long ago, she left her room for the last time.
Wandering silently, noiselessly as a phantom, through the dark Red Keep, she felt calm, sure and determined, even smiling a little at the prospect of being reunited with her brother. She hoped her mother would be all right. She felt a little guilty about that too. She had never really cared for her parents, her father always a little mad, her lady mother though a kind woman never warm and motherly in her affections. And why would that have bothered Aelora, when she had always had Aelor by her side? She had never needed anyone, not mother, not father, as she had had her twin by her side and that was all she'd needed to be happy. Was still all she needed to be happy. Would always be. She could do without everyone, without her lady mother, without her father, her little sister, her uncle, as along as Aelor stood strong and surely by her side. Which soon he would again. Soon, they would be reunited. Since his death, she knew, she had only been living on borrowed time.
Climbing up stairs, higher and higher she went, until she had reached the roof of the Red Keep at last. She and Aelor had explored the Keep in their youth and were familiar with many of its secret places. She could see King's Landing from up there, despite the late hour still alive and crawling with people, lit by hundreds of little lights.
She closed her eyes, looking forward to the feeling she knew was about to engulf her. “Wait for me, Aelor. As you always promised you would.”nshe whispered into the unforgiving night air, where her words vanished, went unheard by any living being.
She took two steps forward, was swallowed by the night, and then she was
falling,
falling,
rushing,
and feeling everything she had felt as a little girl and everything she had felt when Aelor had held her in his arms and kissed her. She felt free, soaring through the air like a dragon. Aelora smiled and could almost hear Aelor's laugh echoing through the night.
She was finally home.
