Chapter Text
“You two can’t get married, since Kang Taehyun has a husband already.”
The silence that falls over the fiancés and the official feels heavy. The time slows down, even the wind that was just hitting the window stops. The clock on the wall ticks loudly with every second. They wait, no idea for what.
“Are you kidding?” Chaewon is the first to speak up, shock still visible on her face. She scoffs. “I bet it was Sakura’s idea to joke like that.”
Taehyun can only follow the scene with his eyes. They jump from her to the man in front of them. The look on the official's face is almost pitiful.
“I’m sorry, miss, but I’m telling you what’s in the documents.” He picks up one of the sheets from his desk and approaches the couple. “Look here. His legal status is married.”
He talks as if Taehyun wasn’t right there, a step away, but maybe he isn’t. He feels as if everything around him just crumbled down and only he was still frozen in his place. No more dark burgundy walls around them, no more desks separating them, no clock to announce how his life is changing within the seconds; everything turned into ash that now covers his thoughts. His mind refuses to process anything he hears, blocking him from protesting, from resenting. His body is paralyzed, afraid to look at the document in the official’s hand.
“That’s…” he hears Chaewon like through a fog. Her voice weakens. “That’s pretty… believable. She must’ve paid a lot to organize this prank.”
Her nervous giggle rings in Taehyun’s ears and that’s what brings him back to reality.
“Can I see?” he asks, surprised at the stability of his tone. The official hands him the paper. “Do you have any information about… the said husband?”
“Unfortunately no. I think the marriage had to be sealed in a different country.”
Taehyun nods as if the official’s words meant anything. As if they made it any more real. As if it was another day in the office. He's like in a haze through the whole conversation until they're not leaving the office.
"What the hell was that?" Chaewon asks. "They must've made a mistake. Like who in the world would marry you?"
"Hey," Taehyun protests, even though his mind is barely present. "You said you would."
"Eh, that's out of pity," she teases and sticks her tongue out at him, lightening the atmosphere.
"I'll take care of it, alright?" Taehyun says when they reach his house after a silent walk. "Just… I think it'll be better if we don’t tell anyone about it. I mean– if it's a joke made by someone from our families, we shouldn’t give them satisfaction."
Chaewon snorts at the unbelievable explanation, but nods either way. "Sure. We don’t know anything anyway."
×
Not telling anyone was easy until Taehyun had to spend a day with his friend. Because as much as Taehyun is known for being calm and almost emotionless in front of his clients or business partners, it's completely different when it comes to personal matters.
"Can you just sit down?" Kai asks from the couch as he observes Taehyun pacing around the room. "You've been shifting for hours."
Taehyun stops, only now realizing that it may be true. Trying to find the way out of his situation keeps occupying his mind to the point he's barely aware of what goes on around him. Kai must've noticed it, too.
"I've never seen you this nervous."
And Taehyun must admit: he never felt this nervous either. Or so helpless.
It's been only a day since the revelation of the fact that he's married, but he already feels like time slips through his fingers, not giving him enough space to somehow fix this mistake of his past self. The wedding is in a month. He doesn’t even want to think how long it takes to legally divorce. Not to mention that he has no idea who he needs to divorce.
One look from Kai and Taehyun is telling him everything.
“Okay so…" Kai takes a moment to understand the situation after Taehyun’s done talking and it only makes Taehyun feel worse. But Kai's face seems serious. "You may not remember anything about him, but your consciousness must’ve made memories. I think I know what you can do.”
Taehyun frowns in disbelief.
“Are you sure?”
“Oh, trust me on this one.” Kai grins. “My friend is a… hypnotizer. He can… you know, summon the memories from your brain.”
“He’s a what now?”
Kai raises his hands in a defensive gesture. “Hear me out, this could work–”
“This is ridiculous.”
“Says the one who doesn’t remember he ever got married.”
When Taehyun doesn’t answer anything more than an annoyed huff, Kai takes it as a concord and books the appointment right away, the said friend apparently on his list of quick pick contacts.
Taehyun doesn’t like this idea at all. But he's grateful that Kai understands the urgency of his issue and it's right the next day when they find themselves on the hypnotizer's couch.
"I'm still skeptical," Taehyun announces as he looks around the beige walls, his legs bouncing nervously.
Before Kai can answer, the door opens to reveal a person they've been waiting for. From his point of view Taehyun can tell that the friend of Kai's is about their age and it isn’t convincing him any more.
"Hi, hello, welcome." The hypnotizer beams to both of them as to old friends, even though Taehyun sees him for the first time ever. He's shorter than Kai and there's something sugary in his face that makes him look younger, too.
When he stands shoulder to shoulder with Kai, they just look like a pair of idiots.
Taehyun can’t believe this is who his whole life depends on now.
"Okay, so Kai told me everything," the hypnotizer starts and nods persuasively. "I have just the perfect solution. It's helped many people before."
"Do you have a list?"
"Oh, he's silly. I like him already."
"I just want to make it clear: I don’t like this idea."
"Okay. But you have nothing to lose, don't you? Your situation already sucks, so…"
Taehyun rolls his eyes. "Okay, whatever. Just tell me what I have to do and let's get over it."
"To begin, you should at least loosen up a little." The other approaches him with raised eyebrows. He extends his hand. "I'm Beomgyu, by the way. Nice to meet you."
Taehyun eyes him hesitantly, but returns the handshake despite his preservation.
"Alright." Beomgyu basically takes a leap away in excitement, clapping his hands together and startling Taehyun. "Now that we're friends it'll be easier to get through."
Taehyun stares at him without blinking.
"Get through what?"
Beomgyu just dismisses the question with a chuckle. Taehyun can’t say he feels at ease now.
"Just lay down on your back, it'll be easier to relax like that." Beomgyu gestures vaguely yet lively and Taehyun's glad that he has moved away, because now he'd be afraid of getting hit. "Take a deep breath, close your eyes. Let the tension out with the breath out. Feel the material under you. Focus on the softness. Now think. About anything. The first thing that comes to your mind."
Taehyun thinks that it's stupid.
"Throw the negativity away!" Beomgyu raises his voice suddenly, making Taehyun flinch.
What did he get himself into?
"Focus on what you see," Beomgyu's voice comes back to a calm, soothing one. "Look into the darkness of your eyelids."
Then he slowly starts humming a melody and Taehyun has to fight an urge to open his eyes and walk out of the room.
He has to stay for the sake of his stable life, he reminds himself and decides to indulge Beomgyu's revelation for some more time.
"Now," Beomgyu speaks again, but his words blend together with the melody. "Think about a place. Wherever you want."
Taehyun takes a deep breath.
The tiny spots moving on the back of his eyelids look a little bit like grains of sand. The thought sounds amusing at first, but the longer Taehyun observes the dots of lighting the more they actually resemble an image.
The hypnotizer's room changes into an endless beach and Taehyun swears he can even feel wind tugging at his hair.
His head drops and he looks down, but in his hands, instead of handfuls of sand, there are stones, each one in size perfect to fill his palm. He picks up one; it's far lighter than he expected. It's soft against his fingers, squeezable. Like little cushions.
It's the feeling of the couch under his back.
His eyes snap open.
Beomgyu is sitting in the chair opposite to him with a notebook on his lap and a pen in his hand. He looks up in reaction to Taehyun's sudden move.
"You saw something."
It's not a question and Taehyun doesn’t answer. He stares at Beomgyu, collecting his thoughts, the images from the seconds before elusive like a dream.
"There were… a lot of stones," he says at last.
Kai shifts on his chair on the other side of the room and that's when Taehyun remembers he's also still here.
"Stones?" he repeats. "What does it mean? Maybe he was cold like a stone."
Beomgyu doesn’t look away from Taehyun, observing him as if he was examining him under a microscope. He scribbles something in his notes and raises his head again.
"Stone can be a symbol of a very stubborn person," he explains, "or an obstacle on your way. Or it can mean an unconditional, endless love, trust that doesn’t give up easily and–"
"I know," Taehyun interrupts, two heads turning to him. "Rocks. I met him at a rock show."
Beomgyu looks at him for a second longer before writing something more.
"I guess it works, too."
"It still gives us nothing," Kai voices out the exact thought Taehyun is having, but Beomgyu simply smiles at them.
"Oh, it was just a warm-up."
×
"Okay, so now listen carefully."
It's only the two of them in the hypnotizer's office now; Kai has been asked to leave so as not to 'mess with the waves of Taehyun's subconscious', whatever it meant. He pouted but obeyed and is now probably talking with Chaewon or one of her sisters and explaining the progress of the situation so far. Which is basically none.
Taehyun may be a little convinced. A little bit more convinced than before. Which gives almost zero trust in Beomgyu and his antics.
But, to his great misfortune, Kai doesn’t have any friends who are psychologists.
"You're gonna come back to that place," Beomgyu explains with his eyebrows raised for emphasis. "You have to wander a little. At some point you'll see a door. When you open it, you'll see your husband and he'll tell you his name. Got it?"
Taehyun presses his lips together.
"No."
"Great." Beomgyu clasps his hands together and leans back onto his chair.
Taehyun lies down again with a sigh but without a protest. When he closes his eyes once more, for a fleeting moment he thinks that it's nice. It's… interesting among the stability of his life. He thinks he could've become acquaintances with Beomgyu.
"There's a door in front of you."
Beomgyu's voice blends with his humming once again, entering the reality behind Taehyun's eyelids.
He's once more finding himself on the sandy beach, the sun shining so bright that it can be only caused by the light of the lamp in the room, breaking through his closed eyes.
Taehyun tries to take a step in his dream, but it feels as if he was walking and standing still at the same time, the surroundings motionless despite his efforts. The sun hangs high in the sky, but the beach is empty, no living soul other than Taehyun. No door.
He turns his head. There's a window instead.
It hangs in the middle of nothing, floating over the fields of sand. The handles shine under the brightness of the day, reflecting sun rays directly onto Taehyun's face.
"Open it."
Taehyun hesitates. Should he still look for the door? Or is it just his skeptical nature that altered Beomgyu's orders and turned the door into a window?
He doesn’t even get to think before his feet take him closer to the window against his will. He notices the dark green curtains placed on the other side, hiding what could be behind. The window frame is white, but the paint seems old and peeling.
Should he knock?
Taehyun bites down on his lip and reluctantly reaches for one of the handles. It moves smoothly and in the next moment, half of the window is open and the wind makes the curtain flutter.
Before Taehyun can think about what was the original plan and what to do next, the curtain moves out of his way and he audibly gasps at the sight in front of him.
The curtain was grabbed by a man, who now looms out the window and looks at Taehyun with a fond smile.
A fond smile on plush lips. Under a cute, slender nose. In the middle of an adorable, glowing face. Framed by black hair, parted to reveal a forehead and beautiful eyes.
Taehyun finds himself completely speechless.
“Shhh,” the beautiful man hushes. “My parents are home.”
Taehyun jolts forward, his eyes flying open.
“And what?”
He hears the voice before he sees the owner. His head turns slowly in the direction where the sound comes from, his mind processing the dimension he’s in. He spots Beomgyu sitting on the edge of his armchair, his whole frame bouncing in excitement and it confuses him even further. What what?
“What’s his name?” Beomgyu asks, not patient enough to wait for Taehyun to gather his thoughts.
A name. He didn’t get a name. Was he supposed to get a name? Whose name?
“He didn’t say it.” Did he even say anything at all?
Beomgyu’s excitement visibly flattens as he sinks back onto the armchair. “Did he say anything at all?”
As the blurry memories slowly start making sense, Taehyun relates the image he saw, mentioning the window and the words, but omitting his (assumed) husband’s visual and the effect it had on him.
“Do you know what he looked like?” comes the inevitable question anyway. “My friend could sketch him from your description.”
Taehyun maintains his face as straight as possible. “I didn’t see his face.”
Beomgyu sighs, leaning further into the back of his armchair. “Okay. So all we got for now is… you two were sneaking through the windows and he lived with his parents. Great, that really narrows the field of search.”
Taehyun observes him note something down in his notebook. "Why didn’t he say his name?" he asks, a little disappointed though he wouldn’t admit he started believing in the success of this craziness.
"Well, his parents were home." Beomgyu shrugs and receives an incredulous eyebrow raise.
"Aren’t you supposed to interpret it and… tell me about my biggest fears or something?"
"There's not much to work with." Beomgyu doesn’t look up from his pen. "Plus, I'm not a therapist. All that I can tell you is: you either fucked up so badly that you've never even learned his name or you pushed it really, really deep into your subconscious and now you’re in a really deep shit."
"Wow, thank you. Your help is really priceless."
×
"Wasn’t it a hint where you should be looking?" Kai asks after hearing out Taehyun relate the course of the hypnosis session. They're sitting on the opposite sides of the table in the nearest coffee shop, a mug with hot chocolate in Taehyun's hand since he needed something nice from the day this disappointing.
"But what would that be a hint to?" He takes a sip in thought. "That if I want to find him I need to find his parents first? Or that he hates me and wants to make everything harder for us?"
Kai balances on the back legs of his chair. "Maybe it's about your parents."
At that Taehyun whistles lingeringly. "If it is about my parents, Beomgyu was right. We are in deep shit." Another sip. "Do you think he knew them? Should I just come up to them and ask 'hey do you remember the guy I married? Because I don’t'?
Kai shakes his head with a shadow of a smile on his face. "This is a mess."
"Yeah, tell me about it."
"What if…" Kai picks up after a moment of contemplative silence, "it meant that you should avoid his parents? Since they’re standing in the way between you and finding this guy?"
"But I don’t know who his parents are." Taehyun puts the mug down pointedly as if it was the final signal of giving up. Kai doesn’t seem to be feeling the same way, though.
"You know that… they were home. Then. Wait." His eyes widen as he looks up at Taehyun in sudden realization. "Maybe it's about time. You have to try to get to him when his parents aren’t a problem."
"This is insane," Taehyun says, ending the sentence with a tired sigh. "Besides, how do I get to him if I still do not know who he is?"
The smirk on Kai's face doesn’t feel like a good sign. "The same way you did the first time."
Taehyun moves the chair away from the table when the meaning behind the words reaches his mind. "No. No, I'm not coming back there."
×
Taehyun does come back there, very quickly even.
The next day, with noon approaching on the wall clock which Taehyun stares intently at, he sits on the hypnosis couch again, his leg bouncing nervously. After introducing the idea to Beomgyu, together they have decided the optimal time they should choose to visit Taehyun's beautiful husband again. Kai opted for the middle of a day, justifying it by probable hours of work and, with no better ideas, the other two agreed.
So now, with Kai gone again, Taehyun waits for twelve to strike and Beomgyu waits for Taehyun to stop fidgeting so much, considering the uneasiness a prevention to fully get the advantage of the sphere of hypnosis, whatever it means.
“Okay, so everything should go just like yesterday,” Beomgyu explains, even though Taehyun barely listens to him. “You get to the beach, you find the window, open it and, if the time theory is right, you hear the name straight from him. If everything works out like we think it can, you won’t have to do anything more.”
“So, little chance,” Taehyun mutters as he lays down on the couch without being encouraged further.
He doesn’t know what he’s so scared about. He’s just entering his own head, there is nothing that he doesn’t know yet, he just needs help with recalling what he needs. Why is he as stressed as if he was getting to know the beautiful man for the first time?
He finds himself on the beach even faster this time and it’s disturbing. One more time and he’ll get used to it; maybe he’ll even believe. He hopes it’s the last time.
His eyes shut more tightly as if it could help him get more out of the vision. He gets to the window easier than before, he opens it without hesitation. The green curtain flutters and after a beat of his heart everything comes to an abrupt halt.
Did he get even more pretty over the night?
Maybe Taehyun was trying so hard to push the memory out of his mind, that he didn’t memorize the face of his husband so well or maybe he isn’t so shocked this time and notices even more details that come together to create a masterpiece of a human in front of him. Either way, Taehyun feels like he has never learned a word in his life.
“Shhh, my parents are home.” The sound of a smooth voice reminds him that there is a reason behind his visit other than the urge to admire the beautiful guy. Before Taehyun can feel disappointed, his husband adds in a lower tone, “We should meet at yours.”
Taehyun stares at his lips long after the words leave them, hypnotized by the sight. He can’t imagine what has happened in his life that he got so lucky to call him his husband.
Then a sudden blast of wind hits him with an abnormal strength, forcing him to take several steps back and move away from the window. The blow lifts clouds of sand that quickly cover the sight in front of him, limiting his vision to mere inches. The wind tugs at his shoulders, gripping at his skin and it takes him a moment to realize that it’s not a feeling from the dream. It’s coming from his body, the real one, out there in the reality outside of his head. He focuses on the sensation on his arm, not wind but a hand squeezing his flesh.
His eyes open rapidly to meet Beomgyu’s face right in front of him.
“Thank god,” he says as he moves away, letting go of Taehyun’s shoulders. “I thought you wouldn’t come back.”
Taehyun sits up and notices slight spinning in his head. “Was I… out for long?”
“Not really.” Beomgyu is already back in his armchair, the notebook in his hand. “But you weren’t moving. Something could’ve killed you there.”
Taehyun’s eyes widen. “That’s possible? And you didn’t think to warn me before?”
“Chill.” Beomgyu scribbles something. “Better tell me that you found out something good and that’s what got you so frozen.”
Taehyun looks up to the ceiling, trying to recall what he saw in the vision. The eyes. He saw beautiful, feline-like eyes, filled with fondness and pity. Was there anything more?
“I think his parents work from home,” he blurts, avoiding Beomgyu’s gaze. “Or they’re off work now.”
“Great,” Beomgyu groans and Taehyun can hear the sound of his pen on the paper again. “Nothing more, I assume?”
“No,” Taehyun says without a second of hesitation, but he quickly remembers, “I mean, he worded it differently this time, I don’t know if it’s important– What are you writing there all the time?”
Beomgyu looks up. “Nothing. I just doodle.” He lifts the notebook and turns it to Taehyun to let him see the dozens of little bear heads. “It helps me focus. So, what did he say?”
“He said… his parents were home and we should meet at mine. Well, it’s basically the same, so I don’t think it means any–”
Beomgyu straightens abruptly in his seat. “Of course it means something.” He puts the notebook down and looks at Taehyun with his eyes full of excitement, a smile stretching his lips. “The hint is in your house.”
×
“I don’t like this,” Taehyun says as he sees Kai go through yet another of his wardrobes. He doesn’t have anything to hide, but it still feels so weird to have his personal space examined by other people.
“We’re literally helping you with that big house of yours and you decide to be ungrateful,” Beomgyu comments from the opposite side of the room, where he flips through the pages of some book Taehyun hasn’t touched in years.
Taehyun closes the file on his lap. “It’s useless. There’s nothing in here.”
They have spent the last three days searching for the hint through all the corners of Taehyun’s house, all the floors, all the rooms, and all the cabinets; all the crevices, all the surfaces where something could be written – and they came up with nothing. The house is as memoryless and as anonymous as Taehyun himself.
“Wait.” Kai’s head appears from between the clothes in the wardrobe. “Didn’t you say before that you met him at the rock show?”
Taehyun frowns, trying to recall such words, but eventually simply nods.
Kai smiles. “And what rock shows do we have here, in Korea?” His eyebrows rise as his gaze jumps from Taehyun to Beomgyu and back, knowing none of them has an answer.
“You think…?”
“That it’s about your house in America, yes.” Kai scrambles out of the closet with a proud grin on his face.
“You got another house? In America?” Beomgyu stares at him with wide eyes before scoffing. “Of course. Rich people.”
Taehyun feels himself blushing at the comment. “It’s technically not mine, but my parents’. I haven’t been there since when I was, like, twenty.”
"Doesn’t matter," Kai says, preventing the banter from smothering his enthusiasm. "Thanks to rich people we are going on a trip to the US right now."
Before Beomgyu can start cheering along with him, Taehyun frowns and denies with a shake of his head. "No, you are not going on any trip."
Kai pouts. "Why?"
Why? Why does Taehyun feel the sudden strong sensation of privacy when it comes to the American house? Why does he feel like the hint actually calls at him from that one particular place, when he barely remembers what it even looks like? What is there, so deep inside his mind, that seems so dear, so precious to him that it doesn’t feel right to share it with anyone?
“There’s no need,” he says and, even though he has no idea if that statement is close to the truth, he adds, “It’s smaller.”
×
Maybe it’s smaller or maybe it seems like this, because it’s fuller.
As soon as Taehyun crosses the doorstep, he’s hit by the heavy, stuffy air. It must’ve been standing empty since the moment he left this life behind, running away seven years ago. Now looking at the rooms in his past house feels like watching himself from afar; himself from the past. Himself that he stopped being.
The photos are scattered across the wall in the room he has recognized as his own. His feet are planted firmly on the floor just inches from the threshold, his whole posture frozen, unable to move and reach for anything he sees. He feels like an outsider, like he has never been here before; like he needs someone’s permission to do anything.
His gaze scans the photos from distance, as if he was admiring an exhibition in a museum rather than the memories of his own life. He sees himself, in most of them. He’s smiling in each one. There are other people, too. Not many – two of them reappear most often.
And then he happens upon the wedding photo.
It’s not a wedding photo; it doesn’t resemble a one at first glance or even at the second. There are no suits, no flowers, no guests. But among all the others – crooked, blurred and chaotic photos, this one stands out.
A beach is the first element to catch Taehyun’s attention. Then he looks closer at the two people in the middle of the photo and his breath hitches upon realization. It’s him, Taehyun – younger and happier with a wide grin stretching his face – and, by his side, it’s him – the beautiful man he has met by the window of his subconscious. The longer he stares at the photo the more differences from typical wedding photos he notices. They’re not standing as stable as he thought at first – his husband hugging him from behind, actually leans on Taehyun, the smile on his lips and the redness of his cheeks suggesting that his legs are barely keeping him up. Taehyun doesn’t look any better, his hair is disheveled as if he just took a run and his face is just as drunkenly blushed as his lost lover’s. He must’ve been talking when the photo was taken, his lips curled in an unnatural open smile.
He finally forces himself to take the photo off the wall, when he can’t look at it anymore. With a sigh he turns it around to look at the other side. He finds exactly what he was expecting.
Kang Taehyun and Choi Yeonjun
07/22/2017
The single tear rolls down his cheek.
×
“Yeah, I got the name.”
He passes the phone from his left hand to the right as he reaches for a brochure from the bedside table. Fiji – where happiness finds you. He presses his lips in a tight line and carefully ignores the ring that was laying on top of the leaflet.
“Really?” comes Beomgyu’s astonished voice from the other side of the phone. “Like a… nickname? Or a real name?”
Taehyun tosses the brochure back to its place. “A real, government full name. I have a photo too if you need.”
“No, I’m good.” Beside Beomgyu’s words, Taehyun hears the clicking of a laptop keyboard. “Just text me the name and I’ll give you your lover boy in a day.”
Taehyun scoffs. “You got friends in the police, too? CIA?”
The second of silence on the other side suggests that Beomgyu raises his eyebrow. Taehyun only can’t tell if it’s in annoyance, disbelief or challenge.
“As it happens, I also work as a private detective.”
Taehyun opens his mouth, but doesn’t find the words to answer. “Of course you do.” He pulls his leg up the bed to cross them and find a more comfortable position as he writes the name in a message to Beomgyu. “I bet you also do magic tricks.”
“No, but I do tarot readings.”
“Right.” Taehyun exhales slowly, holding himself back from being unnecessarily annoying. “Just… focus on your job and call me when you get something, okay? We don’t have much time to spare.”
The answer is just a beep of an ended call. Taehyun brings his phone to his face, looking at it in disbelief. What a friendly behavior. With a shake of his head, he throws his phone on the bed beside him and directs his eyes to somewhere else.
He’s looking around the room once again and searching for something to stare at, except for the photos. There’s not much more here, only the rest of bare walls. Before Taehyun can convince himself that he’s somehow interested in a stain in the corner, his phone is already ringing loudly. Taehyun doesn’t even have enough time for a thought to pass through his mind that it’s probably Kai asking about the progress. The name of the caller contradicts his expectations. Beomgyu.
Taehyun frowns, but doesn’t hesitate to pick up. Wordlessly, he brings the phone to his ear.
“I got him.” Beomgyu doesn’t wait for any of Taehyun’s reactions. His voice bounces off the walls of Taehyun’s mind. “And the address, too. Phone number, credit cards. Name of a housemate and amount of pets,” he lists proudly. “Which is zero, by the way. It must–”
“What does it mean for me?” Taehyun interrupts him, his leg shaking again. Every of Beomgyu’s words pumps more anxiety into his veins.
Even the interruption doesn’t seem to falter Beomgyu’s excitement. “It means you’re not coming back to Korea for now.”
×
The address Beomgyu sends him is so close to his house that it immediately makes Taehyun feel unwell. He realizes he never really wanted for the mystery to get solved. To now he could’ve pretended that it was just a type of game, a dream or a figment of imagination that one creates right before going to sleep. Now it’s becoming real; he has a real, valid house address in front of him. The address that doesn’t have any other way than to lead him to the very real, palpable version of the beautiful man from his hypnotic dreams.
Taehyun’s stomach twists from nerves.
Against his will, he examined all the photos he found in the room. It was a form of stalling, it felt wrong to go and barge into Yeonjun’s house right after finding out.
So he looked at the photos until he realized that he never really forgot any of the events of his past life. He’d pushed it to the deepest hollows of his memory, he'd forced himself to believe that it was all a dream or a movie he saw once, but all the details were still with him, prominent as ever.
He remembers Yeonjun. He remembers the night they met, the Warped Tour, the flirting and the make out session. The rush, the thrill of emotions and the loudness of the show, then the quietness of his house. He remembers the night he left, the prior accident and the guilt gnawing at his memories causing them to falter and fade. He remembers the two weeks in between, the sneaking through the windows; Yeonjun's friends that he'd thought hated him and Yeonjun's brother that became family to Taehyun, too.
He remembers the wedding day. He remembers the impulsive trip to Fiji and the ridiculous ceremony, the drunken vows and ritualistic jumping over a stick.
He remembers that he promised himself to leave it all behind and never come back even in thoughts. He remembers that changing the way of his life was the punishment he condemned himself to, a remedy that would help him cope with regret.
He remembers, so he can’t turn back now.
He was doing really well. No one from people who know him now would ever believe that he is the same guy who accidently married someone on the spur of the moment and who also killed his husband's brother because of drunk driving.
He’s a different person now and to maintain this persona he has to put the divorce through.