Archive of Our Own

When the Thing appeared the first time, it tried to choke Dr Gillen. It only appeared for a few seconds, then faded away, bringing back an exhausted and weakened Nina, she felt like crying, overwhelmed with the guilt of hurting the Doctor and devastated to know something was inside her. Something that had no name, and that turned her into a violent being. Neither Dr Gillen nor Dr Reichwein talked about it after Ruhenheim, neither Lotte nor Karl asked, Dieter never understood, Tenma never knew and Nina never got the nerve to tell her, always busy traveling from place to place, and when she came back she was all exhausted that Nina had no heart to worry her. 

The second time the Thing appeared, it was 2am, Dieter was sleeping, Dr Reichwein was sleeping too and Tenma was in Cuba. 

The Thing made her walk outside, her bare feet against the cold and dirty floor of the garden, she fell on her knees and buried her nails into the mud. It was softened because of the rain, and she started digging, deep and deep searching for something buried in there, something she didn’t know. With her vision blurred to tears that couldn’t fall down, she took fists of mud and started hitting herself with it, she started punching the floor with rage and desperation, and then the tears fell down. After a few moments, strands of her blond hair ended up brown and dirty by the mud, her face was stained, and her pajamas were covered in mud and grass. She was a total filthy mess.

“Nina?” 

The Thing didn’t stop digging when it heard the name.  

“Nina.” Someone repeated. And when the footsteps started to get closer she stopped digging and turned her face. 

Grimmer stood there, barefoot, looking at her confused and as if he was staring at some kind of freak. But when he noticed the tears, he kneeled, pressing one hand on her shoulder blade and the other on her forearm, pulling her up. She didn’t want to collaborate, she tensed her muscles and started to snort. “Come on, get up” he said gently. 

The Thing growled and jumped on top of him. She got her hands straight to his neck just like it did to Dr Gillen, but before she could choke him, Grimmer took her wrists and made her turn, not violently but with the right amount of force to stop her tantrum. Nina twisted under Grimmer’s grasp, more like the Thing twisted. Grimmer’s grasp was like a straitjacket on her. 

“It’s okay.” He said, pressing her to his body. “Breath.” 

He kept her in that position for a couple of minutes, till she stopped twisting and started breathing erratically.

“Feel my breathing and breathe with me” Grimmer pressed his arm rounding her shoulders. 

“I…” Nina gasped for air. “I cant.” 

“It’s okay. You can do it.” He said gently.

He breathed deeply three times before feeling her starting to imitate his breathing. His chest pressed on her back and Grimmer placed a hand over Nina’s sternum, helping her to control each of her breaths. Under his palm, her heart beated violently, a brutal and fast rhythm that made her moan in pain. Nina tried to follow Grimmer’s breathing, and after the winter air hit her sweaty face, she closed her eyes and swallowed saliva at the same time more tears fell down. It took a while, but her breaths became slower and the violent pace of her heartbeat decreased. 

Nina felt Grimmer starting to pull away but she rushed and dug her nails on his arm. He understood and remained the same way. And too exhausted to feel embarrassed or shy, she threw her head back, resting it on his chest. Her breathing slowed down more til she could hear his slow and calm heartbeat. 

She didn’t know if he knew about the Thing. But she assumed he didn’t, since she hadn’t even talked about it with Tenma. 

Nina’s familiar with Grimmer being this gentle with her, it’s almost a year since he started living with them, almost a couple of months after Ruhenheim when he recovered from the shot, and from the very first time she met him she knew she would grow fond of him. He was always sweet and charming with everyone and it was no surprise for her to end up adoring him dearly. Yes he had seen her cry, yes, he had seen her get angry. But even so, she never was this violent, problematic, chaotic, mad and sick, in front of him. Under Grimmer’s gaze, she was the always joyful, always happy, always smiling Nina. This was the first time he saw her like this, and she couldn’t help but feel ashamed about it. 

“I’m sorry.” She forced herself to whisper. 

“How do you feel?” He asked, ignoring her apology. “Better now?” 

Nina nodded. 

The wind blew again, stronger this time, the tree branches moved making a few leaves fall down. Instinctively she pressed her body to his, searching for warmth. 

“Let’s get inside. If you catch a cold, Tenma will kill me.” 

She was too weak to smile. 

Nina forced her legs to walk inside and Grimmer’s hand pressed on her back, preventing her from falling. 

In silence, he took her to the bathroom and cleaned her hair, her face, her arms and her hands. Rubbed the mud away with warm water and dried the water with a towel. He went to her bedroom and took another pajama and waited outside for her to change the filthy clothes. She remained silent the whole time until he talked. 

“When that appears, you can’t control how or when it will appear.” He said after a couple of minutes while washing her hands to her forearms gently. She blinked and looked at him genuinely confused. Then he took her hand, getting it close to his face ”Ow, your nail polish it’s ruined, should we fix them later?”

Nina stared at him in shock, unable to say something. 

“You can’t tell it to go away.” He continued. “But it doesn’t want to hurt you, in fact it just wants you to be safe. Don’t blame yourself nor feel guilty about it.” 

Her jaw dropped slightly. 

She was about to ask. But then she remembered Tenma’s stories about Grimmer in Prague. The other one. The one inside him . Stainer . That one who appeared when he was in danger. Nina swallowed hard, her heartbeat increased but for all the right reasons, the sensations out in the mood seemed to have a coercion in a sole thought. The Thing inside her looked almost like the Thing inside him. —Or like the Thing that used to be inside him.— 

“I don’t want it to appear again.” Nina said. “How… how did you control when Stainer appeared?” 

“I didn’t.” Grimmer answered. 

But what he did just a few moments ago helped her immensely, no one had done something like that to her, not even Tenma. For the first time, someone understood her better than Tenma. Grimmer brought her back to herself, he managed to help her regain control of her body and her mind. How many times will the Thing appear? Will she be able to manage it even if Grimmer’s not around? Should she speak about this with Tenma? Or Dr Gillen? Or Dr Reichwein? Will Grimmer talk with Tenma about this? Of course he will. Nina thinks. 

“There you are, clean and pretty as always.” He smiled like always. “Now, go back to sleep” 

“Will you… will you talk about this with Tenma?” Nina asked and for some reason she blushed. 

“No if you don’t want me to.” Grimmer answered. “She worries about you, and she wants the best for you. But you’re allowed to have your own motivations and your privacy, you’re not a child. Although, I do think she deserves to know if you’re not okay.” 

“Are you trying to persuade me to tell her?” She said and for the first time she’s smiling. A little bit. 

“Maybe I am.” He smiled back. 

And when he intended to take her to her bedroom she clenched her fists and pressed her forehead to his arm. Of course she didn’t want to sleep alone. 

“I don’t want to have more nightmares. Besides, if the Thing appears again you’ll be there.” She said. 

When she covered herself under the blankets, she took out her hand and searched for his. She felt his hand enveloping her fingers, she couldn’t help but notice how big he was.

“Thank you” Nina whispered. “Are you sure you’re okay on the floor?… you’ll be the one to catch a cold and the bed is big enough to…”

“It’s okay, Süße.” Grimmer squeezed her fingers softly before pulling his blanket while laying on the floor. 

Nina smiled and remembered those days in Prague when Dieter used to do this too. She slept on the floor, because the bed was too small for both, and the little kid took his hand off the bed searching for her hand. 

“I’m happy you’re here.” She whispered with eyes closed. He answered by giving her hand a soft squeeze.

Nina squeezed Grimmer’s hand till falling asleep. 

The next day, after Dr Reichwein went to his office, Grimmer took Dieter to school and skipped work and chose to spend the day taking care of her. Not because that’s what Tenma would’ve done, but because that’s what he wanted to do.