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Hold Me Till It Hurts

Notes:

this is my badly written attempt at writing smut and is an absolute MESS, the beginning is the crackiest of crack to get the ball rolling and then we have what I'm pretty sure is the most urnealistic smut/sex that I've ever read and it still made me blush writing it but I had to go and post this so I could clear it off my laptop and pretend that I'd never once tried writing smut thank you good bye

(heres a rough intro: Lorelai’s mother gets it in her head that one way to get rid of the two men who are no good for her(she doesn’t like Christopher in this), besides having them shot, is to remove them from romantic eligibility. But does she get them girlfriends? No. She does not. She plays matchmaker from hell carefully designing situations that force Luke and Christopher into uncomfortable situations and succeeds in taking two straight men and making them gay. In truth, there’s a heavy dose of some type of Stockholm syndrome going on here, both men confused and freaked out.
It starts by getting both men to go into the same bar and ‘accidentally’ bump into each other. Once they start talking and the drink starts flowing, one of her henchmen has the drinks spiked, both men removed to Christopher’s place where they wake up naked and tangled up together—both men being automatic snugglers.
Luke leaves angry and pissed and confused, and Christopher is much the same.
Lorelai starts making overtures at Luke that Emily finds out about, she moves onto the next step.
Again, a bar, and again a chance meeting between the two men that is short and awkward, Luke going to leave when Christopher is practically accosted by a woman that starts groping him and not taking no for an answer. Luke goes back and tells the lady to back off, she says unless Luke was his girlfriend, he should mind his own business.)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“I am!” Luke flushed. “I mean, I’m—he’s mine!”

“Wait—you’re gay?” The woman looked at Christopher in disgust.

“And proud of it.” Christopher said easily, glad Luke had stuck around to save him from this crazy lady.

“I don’t believe it. No way is mister plaid over there gay.” She suddenly laughed and kissed Christopher straight on the mouth. “I love it when they play hard to get.” She purred seductively, hand dropping to the waist of his jeans.

“I don’t care what you damn believe, he’s with me.” Luke snapped arm slipping around Christopher’s waist and pulling him towards him protectively. “Now are you leaving or do we call the cops for unlawful soliciting?”

She glared at him and then stalked off.

“I owe you big time, Luke.” Christopher said after they were sure the woman was gone.

Luke dropped his hands to his sides, realizing that he may have been holding onto the other man for far too long. “Yeah. Well. Look, can I give you a ride somewhere?”

“I’d appreciate that, thanks.” Christopher said relieved he wouldn’t have to wait for a cab.

The ride was silent, awkwardness paired with relief at being away from that bar. Unfortunately, the relief was short lived as almost as soon as Luke parked in front of Christopher’s apartment complex, the truck got a flat.

Two flats. And only one spare tire.

“I can’t believe this.” He griped as he stared at first one wheel and then the other. “These are brand new tires!”

“What are you going to do?” Christopher asked, feeling almost like it was his fault.

“I don’t know—most places are closed by now—I have triple AAA they should be able to fix it. With their cheap as hell tires.” Luke dug out his outdated but usuable cell phone only to find the battery dead. “For the love of—”

Seeing what the problem was, Christopher handed over his own cellphone. “Here.”

“Thanks.” Making the call, he was informed that someone could be there in two to four hours. “Great.” He muttered handing Christopher back his phone. “Well. I guess I’ll find someplace to hunker down in—”

“At this hour? Don’t be ridiculous.” Christopher paused. “Come upstairs and wait.”

Luke shifted uncomfortably.

“This isn’t a come on.”

“I never said it was!”

“So then, let’s get going.”

“…what the hell. Fine. Thanks. I guess.”

The elevator ride was just as awkward as the drive over, Luke staying as far away from Christopher as he could, something Christopher found amusing given how he’d been grabbing onto him earlier—face reddening, he coughed and then looked at the door.

When they finally got to his apartment, Christopher put a taped game on and got them both a bottle of juice. No need to put more alcohol into the mix.

Luke perched on the very edge of the couch, Christopher unable to say anything about how the man was being childish considering he was sat the same way on the other end of the couch.

Drinking his juice, suddenly uneasy with everything and wanting to talk it out, Christopher glanced over at Luke who stared pointedly at the tv.

“Maybe we should—?”

“I’m not gay!” Luke hissed defensively, jumping to his feet.

“I’m not either! Or…I thought I wasn’t. I don’t just wind up naked in bed with just anyone you know.” Christopher told him sharply.

“We were drunk, we were stupid. Nothing happened.” Luke insisted. “Now will you just drop it? This is awkward enough as it is.”

“Maybe if we talk, it’ll help clear the air—”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Luke told him mulishly getting to his feet. “This was a bad idea, I’ll wait—” He tried to think of someplace convenient and failed. “On the street.”

“Luke—wait. I promise I won’t say anything else about—you know. You can stay here. I’m going to turn in. Lock up before you leave, okay?”

Christopher left before Luke could answer, leaving it to the other man whether or not he would stay or go.

In his room, ears pricked for the opening and closing of a door that never happened, Christopher stripped down and tugged on a pair of sleep pants before crawling into bed and switching off the light.

God, what a situation.

Once more he found himself trying and failing to remember what had happened that night. That’s the last time I get drunk, he thought morosely as he jammed the heels of his hands on his eyes and sighed.

Yeah. Tonight was going to be real restful.

True to his prediction, he didn’t sleep a wink and laid there for what seemed like hours before there was a nervous tap at his door.

“Uh, Christopher?”

Chris blinked and sat up, heart suddenly speeding up. “Um, yes?”

Luke muttered something unintelligible, Chris getting out of bed and padding over to the door.

Luke hadn’t been expecting him to suddenly be right in front of him—half naked too—and so for a moment he just stared like an absolute idiot, eyes fixed pointedly on the other man’s tired face and not straying even a bit. His hands curled and uncurled uncertainly.

“Uh.”

“I couldn’t hear you through the door.” Chris explained, suddenly feeling self conscious and stopping the instinctive movement to cover himself.

“Oh. Uh. Sorry to wake you—” Luke fumbled.

“You didn’t. Couldn’t sleep.” Chris admitted quietly, fingers tightening on the doorknob. “So what’d you need?” His mouth twitched upwards into a faint smile. “Or did you just want to say goodbye?”

It only hit him after he said it that Luke might take it as some sort of flirtation and his smile faltered.

Luke shifted back a step, Chris cursing in his head. Way to show the guy you aren’t gay! The whole ending up naked with him in his bed was pretty damning though.

Withholding a sigh, Chris spoke again, tone more business-like. “Sorry, what did you need?”

“Uh. Well. The thing is—uh, my phone is dead so AAA doesn’t have a way to reach me. They, uh, they’ll probably call your phone…”

“Oh. Well—here.” Chris flicked on the lights and went to get his phone that he’d left on the bedside table. “Can I see your phone? I have a universal adapter someplace, maybe we can charge it.”

Luke was digging out the useless piece of junk before he realised he’d come into Christopher’s room, phone fumbling out of his hand and onto the carpet.

They reached for it at the same time, Luke unintentionally headbutting Chris as their hands brushed across the plastic and he tried to get away as fast as possible.

“Shit—”

“Oh, Jesus—”

Blood was streaming from Chris’s nose, Luke immediately moving closer and grabbing onto the man’s shoulder as he steered him into the open bathroom off to the side, gaze apologetic. “I—”

“Don’t. It was an accident.” Chris mumbled behind his hand that he was trying to use to stem the bleeding, eyes watering.

“Here, sit.” Luke pushed him firmly down on the toilet and then grabbed a handful of tissues from a nearby box on the counter. “Let me see—”

“It’s fine, Luke, really.” Christopher’s voice sounded thick to his own ears and he tilted forward a bit so he didn’t accidently choke on blood or something. 

Luke’s hand was suddenly on his chin, Chris forced to look back up as the other man studied him intently. “Doesn’t look broken.” He murmured mostly to himself as he gently prodded the nose in question.

“Ow.” Christopher complained, Luke’s grip on his chin keeping him in place. “Easy.”

“Have to check.” Luke told him absently, still in doctor mode. “Okay. Okay, it looks—”

“Okay?” Christopher guessed, letting Luke press the tissues to his nose to catch the blood. “OW.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Luke didn’t hand over the wad of tissues to Chris, much to the other man’s surprise, the shock of getting bludgeoned by another head mostly gone and letting him suddenly take in their positions. Luke had sat him down on the toilet and was now stood between his legs, fingers still curled around his chin and other hand busy keeping the bloody nose at bay.

Fighting to keep down a blush, knowing that Luke no doubt didn’t even realise how his too tender care could be interpreted as—something else—Chris reached up to take hold of the wad. “Thanks—”

“Wait—” Luke checked his nose again, this time without torturing his poor little nose, and then nodded. “Okay, bleeding looks like it’s stopping. How does it feel?”

“Nothing I can’t handle.”

“You have any painkillers?”

Chris tried to nod and was again aware of the rough fingers still keeping his chin captive. “Uh, yeah. Yeah in the medicine cabinet.”

“I’ll get you some.”

“Luke, you don’t have to—”

“Yes I do, it’s my fault—” Luke stuttered to a halt, suddenly remembering just how Christopher had gotten hurt and why. All at once he was aware that he was touching Christopher more than necessary and probably had been for too long. He jerked away, the wad of tissues rescued by Christopher before they could fall.

Both men studiously didn’t look at each other, Luke feeling his face flame as he looked around desperately for something to say or do or something—

The meds.

He turned to the medicine cabinet and rifled through it slowly, trying to give his face time to cool down.

Likewise, Christopher tossed the used tissue and went over to the sink to wash his face. He used the cold water.

Luke stood by awkwardly for him to finish before handing him the pill bottle, careful that their fingers didn’t accidently touch. “I’ll get you some water.”

“Okay.” Chris agreed more than willing to get some space in between them because this was weird. Really, really weird.

Luke fled and Chris finished cleaning up and then went to see if he got any blood anywhere else.

A few drops on the rug which just had to be a light brown that nicely contrasted the vivid red, but luckily nowhere else.

He took the time to at least put soap on the spots and hope for the best, trying not to think about the bathroom.

There was a tap at the doorframe, Luke hovering uneasily with a bottle of water.

“Thanks.” Christopher murmured, dutifully downing the pills and then setting aside the water bottle. Forcing himself to look normal, he clapped his hands together which made Luke jump and then redden. Shit. “Uh. So phones—”

His phone rang on cue, Chris going over to answer it.

“AAA, they’re downstairs.”

“That’s good. I mean—good. Well. Uh, thanks for letting me stay. And sorry about the whole nose thing.”

“Not a problem. See you around, Luke.”

Luke reddened again and then left silently, Christ hearing the front door open and then shut a moment later.

Letting his head slump forward to hit his doorframe, Chris tried to fight down his growing unease.

Deciding to watch something to sleep, Christopher didn’t wake up until well past eight, his back sore and his mind just as confused as ever.

Going into his room to grab some clothes for a run, he tripped over the forgotten phone from yesterday.

Crap.

Notes:

if you read this, so sorry

also there's more

and yes there will be weird time jumps as though someone is just posting a bunch of random shit from a bigger fanfic without a care in the world (and also because they didn't know how to make the parts connect...)

smut is in next chapter

imma go hide now