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"someday" was the one word hikaru had been living by for the past 3 months. ever since the members left for their shows, hikaru's wishes for the days to come were plentiful.
someday, we'll all be together again.
someday, there won't be any anxiety in the back of my head.
someday, i'll be happier. we'll be happier.
and the time waiting had felt miserable, no matter how hard hikaru tried to convince himself that they'd all be fine. with each episode that went by, he was always scared of what his members' rankings would be.
one thing had become clear, on the very day that everyone left for their respective show's dorms; they did not plan to debut there. but whatever happened, happened.
this was a relief to hikaru, since his feelings about the whole situation had been so conflicted since the moment he found out about it.
he'd gone through it in his mind already, overthinking too many things to count, so hearing that the members truly only wanted to promote the group was great. still, that couldn't stop the worries that came to him; what if they did debut there? what would happen to the rest of them?
what he was most worried about was sungmin.
everyone loved hong sungmin, that was just a fact. from the moment he stepped on the stage during fantasy boys, everyone knew him, and everyone knew he'd be popular. the same happened when he entered starlight boys, and, despite himself, hikaru didn't like it.
even if everyone knew hong sungmin, hikaru knew him better; that's what he believed, at least. almost 7 years of friendship does that to people. hikaru knew everything, whether it was sungmin's current favorite color, or his typical coffee order for each season. even the little things, pieces of information about his school life from years ago, hikaru still held in the back of his mind. more so, a small space in his mind dedicated to sungmin, intertwined with heart-shaped ribbon and sparkles.
sungmin knew a lot about hikaru, too, but in a different way. hikaru found his knowledge through listening, and sungmin found his through questions. that summed up their dynamic pretty well, sungmin usually being the one to tell stories while hikaru listened with a smile on his face.
hikaru usually tried to keep up his strong-silent persona. it was hard to when he was with sungmin, with how he was always finding a way to cheer hikaru up, let him have some fun or help him find the positives in any situation. likewise, hikaru could calm sungmin down, his presence alone enough to make sungmin's thoughts tranquil and his body sleepy.
2 years of dating does that to people.
so on the day sungmin left, expectedly, hikaru was the most anxious he'd ever been. sungmin made a point to spend each and every second he had left with hikaru, even while he was busy packing the last few things in his luggage or fixing up his makeup. somehow, sungmin always kept an arm around hikaru's shoulders, or a hand on him somewhere; it helped, but hikaru had to keep telling himself, this won't happen again for a while.
minseo and hanbin had to take off a bit earlier, having already said their goodbyes by the time hikari, ling qi, and sungmin were making their last preparations. the atmosphere in the dorm was strange; hikaru wasn't able to scope out any of the members' emotions, even though that was something that usually came easily to him. what was obvious, though, was that none of them were particularly happy to see them go.
when hikari took one last look at his room, and ling qi had run out to the bathroom to grab his missing toothbrush, sungmin took the opportunity to check up on hikaru again. wrapping the taller boy in a bear-hug, sungmin said softly, "you okay?"
hikaru sighed. he didn't want to worry sungmin, but didn't want to lie, either. "okay as i can be."
sungmin laughed, the sound comforting hikaru, even if it was just for a second. "hey, what did i tell you yesterday?"
"that you'd be back."
sungmin let out a hum of approval, "right. so don't worry, okay?"
"i'll miss you, though," hikaru complained, feeling vulnerable enough in sungmin's embrace to sink down and rest his head on sungmin's. "i'll miss this."
"i will too," sungmin had said with a pout, "i'll have to pretend one of my kuromis is you when i go to sleep."
"won't be the same. and what am i gonna do, then?"
sungmin's eyes lit up, another soft giggle escaping his lips, "i left you one, too. so it can remind you of me."
hikaru rolled his eyes, pretending it was a silly idea; but secretly, each night after sungmin left, hugging that small kuromi doll gave him the slightest bit of reassurance.
what felt like moments later, hikari and ling qi had returned, and the manager was honking outside for them to hurry. the three of them went around to hug the others goodbye, rushing but savoring their time left as much as possible.
hikari had looked at hikaru with such a sad look in his eyes, hikaru nearly cried right then and there. he was one of his best friends; he realized being without hikari would be hard, too. hikaru made sure to tell him to text him whenever he could, since he was worried about hikari's feelings. hikari promised to, but not without a nag of "you're not my mom".
ling qi had, hilariously, only one thing to say to hikaru, which was "don't you dare vote for me." hikaru agreed, after a short fit of laughter, squeezing ling qi in his arms one last time before he ran out the door, taking hikari's hand in his own.
lastly, sungmin wandered over to hikaru. wooseok – bless his heart – herded the younger members off to the side, seemingly to give the two their moment.
sungmin took both of hikaru's hands, smiling up at him. sungmin's smile had never changed over all the years that passed between them, and seeing it was always a reminder of how far they'd come.
"karu hyung," sungmin said, "don't be sad, okay?"
hikaru nodded, the younger's bright energy already beaming into him, "i'll try my best."
"good," sungmin replied. and with no other words or warning, sungmin brought one hand to tilt hikaru's head down, kissing his lips quickly, softly, still with a smile. "when i'm back, i'm gonna be all over you. be warned."
"oh no, so scared," hikaru deadpanned, earning another one of sungmin's laughs. "okay, minnie. someday."
"soon someday. not a far away someday, got it?" sungmin reassured, looking up at hikaru.
suddenly, with sungmin's gaze on him, hikaru didn't feel any of the worries at the back of his mind; he felt more positive, like it really would be a 'soon someday'. hikaru nodded in response, too caught up looking at sungmin to answer him.
and with one last squeeze, sungmin ran out the door, blowing hikaru a kiss on the way out. and somehow, hikaru didn't dread the future as much anymore.
of course, he was never completely content, and the worries about ranks, votes, and popularity never really left him.
but he did his best, for sungmin's sake. he thought of things as positively as he could, pondering on the best outcomes rather than the worst. he thought of what sungmin would do in certain situations, what he'd say; hikaru found that it helped to have that mindset. maybe sungmin was onto something.
keeping that state of mind, along with wishing on everything he could, ended up bringing hikaru good results. to his relief, after just a while of five-member fansigns and a general emptiness in the dorm, minseo and hanbin came home, surprising the members without giving them any hints that they were on the way. it was a happy day for them, and their spirits only became better when hikari returned just a few days later.
however, even with his new mindset, hikaru's stance on sungmin's popularity didn't change. it was dangerous, the way that everyone loved him.
he had faith that ling qi could come back home, but with sungmin, it wasn't looking good. he'd even broken the top 9 a few times, to which hikaru couldn't help but cry about on a few occasions. alone in his room at night, of course.
after finding out they had to attend the live finals of starlight boys, hikaru almost chickened out out of nervousness, having a pretty high urge to fake sick or find some way out.
but he went, and only with hikari's encouragement. his thoughts on the car ride there were hectic, anxiety-filled, and nothing seemed to stop them.
at least he'd be seeing sungmin in person, he had to remind himself a few times. they'd only exchanged a few text messages throughout the long 3 months, with how little the trainees were allowed to use their phones. hikaru looked forward to it; seeing sungmin on stage again.
but what would happen if sungmin debuted?
what if their last moment had to be spent looking at each other from afar; one sat on the sidelines, the other standing strong onstage with a brand new future in front of him?
hikaru knew it was a worst-case-scenario, and that he should've been avoiding thinking of such a possibilty. but he couldn't help it. it became even worse once they were sat in the venue.
it all seemed to fade away when sungmin walked up onstage, though. hikaru immediately saw him within the crowd of trainees, the smile on his face even brighter than his newly blonde hair.
and like clockwork, sungmin somehow found hikaru too. they locked eyes, and sungmin's smile immediately grew.
hikaru couldn't hear a word he was saying, but he could clearly see him mouthing "karu".
as the night went on, hikaru didn't feel any better; felt worse, really, with all the boredom bestowed upon him through the countless practice behind videos and special contents he had to sit through.
he just wanted to know whether he should be happy or dread the future. he didn't care about anything else in that moment other than hong sungmin.
(and ling qi, of course, but sungmin was his main worry.)
the stages were interesting, to say the least, as hikaru didn't particularly enjoy any of the songs. the repetitive "zero-zero-zeroes" at least gave him a slight chuckle, and he was thankful those weren't fantasy boys' songs, at least.
but as soon as his laughter came, the moment he'd been waiting for came to wash it away.
they were announcing ranks, albeit very, very slowly. hikaru hadn't been keeping up with the program enough to have any strong reactions to the debut lineup. his thoughts were so mixed, he wasn't sure what results he wanted, wasn't sure what his reactions would be to anything.
as it went by, though, things seemed to become brighter. 8 whole spots and neither sungmin nor ling qi were called; that had to be a good sign.
but of course, the final place in a debut group was always pretty unpredictable, and it could make or break a debut lineup. hikaru wasn't surprised when he saw sungmin was a candidate, because of course he was.
hikaru couldn't even form a coherent thought, just a mumbled stream of 'please let everything be okay. please let us be okay.'
the announcer, after a long wait, finally boomed into the microphone,
"congratulations..."
hikaru took a deep breath.
"lee daeul!"
and, like magic, the weight that had been weighing down on hikaru for months was finally lifted.
he couldn't stop the smile that came to his face, nor the urge to thank lee daeul for the rest of his life.
but what was most important to him was how seconds after the announcement, sungmin found hikaru's eyes in the crowd again, and shot him the most heartwarming smile hikaru had seen in years.
because finally, they could be together again. and maybe this time, it'd be without any pressure, without any worries, and only filled with happiness.
finally, when the broadcast was all over, hikaru and the other members were able to go backstage. it took a moment to find sungmin; with how much of a social butterfly he was, it was no easy call on who he was talking to. but eventually, hikaru found him, recognizing him by the back of his head.
slowly, silently, hikaru made his way over to sungmin, tapping him on the shoulder and making the younger boy jump. when sungmin turned his head, he gasped, and immediately crushed hikaru in his arms.
“karu hyung,” sungmin said in a tone hikaru hadn't heard before. a mix of longing, excitement, and something he couldn't quite pinpoint.
sungmin was finally in his arms again. he was there, physically, and he wasn't going anywhere.
in the spur of the moment, hikaru gently grabbed onto sungmin's arm, dragging him to a secluded corner of the room. while they weren't completely hidden, neither of them seemed to care, as sungmin immediately grabbed onto hikaru's face and kissed him, hard.
hikaru was taken aback at the sudden contact, but instantly got the hang of it, letting his eyes shut as he held sungmin as close to him as possible.
sungmin sighed airily between kisses, hands not-so-subtly running over hikaru's body and bringing the older boy to hold onto him tighter.
“sungmin-ah,” hikaru called out after a minute, teasing, “calm down. wait ‘til we're home.”
sungmin whined in discontent, resting his head on hikaru's shoulder as they still hugged, “fine. just missed you a lot, you know.”
hikaru just laughed, still in disbelief that this was real. to anyone else, the interaction would seem mundane, but to him, it was everything he'd been dreaming of for months, literally and metaphorically. he'd had many dreams about sungmin since he left – both usual, romantic ones, and more elaborate ones that never ended well – and hikaru couldn't help but worry that this was another dream, at first.
but sungmin was in his arms, his presence and warmth and energy palpable and already affecting hikaru’s own mood.
“karu,” sungmin whispered, “it was kinda hard to perform. i saw you, and i kept thinking about it.”
he said this with a pout, as if it were all hikaru’s fault and he was seeking compensation.
hikaru tilted his head, meeting sungmin's eyes, speaking playfully, “why? do i look good?”
“obviously.”
hikaru left a quick kiss on sungmin's cheek, “you did, too. i became your fan.”
“oh, i'm flattered.”
the two of them shared a laugh, before hikaru heard a cough from behind him. glancing back, he saw wooseok looking at them, only blinking and not saying any words. judging from his gaze, and the way he was gesturing over to the others, it was probably time to go to the dorms.
sungmin frowned, begrudgingly letting go of his hold on hikaru. seconds later, though, he took hikaru's hand, looking at him and giving one last comment, “more when we're at the dorms. please.”
the ‘please’ was seemingly added as an afterthought, making hikaru stifle a laugh. sungmin was cute. “okay. promise.”
they made their way back to the other members and the manager, who was now guiding them back to the vans to go home.
hikaru realized then, as he was getting into the backseat and sungmin sidled up beside him, that today was “someday”.
he did it. they did it. he made it through the empty, lonely times, and sungmin was on the other side.
finally, after so long, he felt like everything was complete. hikaru found himself thinking of what the future would be like.
as a group; would they do better now? would practice to smoother, would their staff become nicer, would there be new fans showing up to their events? would their next comeback be a hit?
and especially, with sungmin. he didn't need to ask himself any questions, rather than,
“will we be happier?”
since hikaru knew that they'd go right back to normal, to how they'd been before. and that if he had sungmin with him, or even just the thought of him, he could get through anything.
and everything had turned out okay.