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The relationship had started off innocent enough. They'd first seen each other at a park in their Neighbourhood. From first sight James had thought Betty the most beautiful girl she had had ever laid eyes on. Meanwhile Betty had thought James a boy. What with the short brown hair and the guys name being thrown across the playground. It was only when James got closer that she realised her mistake. Her lips were too soft to be a guys, her eyes seemed too old. Though that story isn't what she tells people. She tells people it was only after a day of playing with James, and therefore their parents talking, that she realised she'd been playing with a girl. Afterall that explains the kiss that the other children claimed they had. Which in fairness, they did. The summer was spent playing in the trees, especially the swing over the creek that James loved. She'd swing on it for hours watching the sky and listening to Betty talk. The best memory from the summer was after their parents told them they had to play where they could be seen, so they played pirates in the playground's ship. Back then James never questioned Betty's bruises. Or why Betty's mother never seemed in a rush to get home and was always happy to let Betty stay overnight. Never questioned the angry tone that Betty's dad's had the two times she saw him that summer and honestly, neither did Betty. They were young and innocent. Only just past the days where they would scream for what they wanted. Far from the days where they realised the closets they were stuck in, especially Betty. It was jarring, when they had to go back to different schools, as if the summer had never happend. They didn't see each other again for years. James grew her hair out and Betty...she lost the childish will to go outside and play. She started to resent James a little bit, when she thought back,  because that summer with James was the last time she truly felt like a child.

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James was scared to start High School. Middle school had been bad enough and everything seemed to matter so much more in high school. For most kids it was when you started dating and thinking about College. James didn't know enough about herself for any of that. She knew she liked music and was into girls but honestly that was it. She looked in the mirror and was met with her icey blue eyes staring back. She'd cut her hair a month earlier, hoping that maybe she wouldn't be bullied for it at high school. They were too old for that now, surely. She looked at her outfit and hoped it wasn't too...masculine. A ratty old green day shirt and ruffed up black jeans weren't exactly in for teenage girls right now. But, with what little she did know about herself, she figured she should be true to who she was. Even if that means looking like a boy. She picked up her bag and heads downstairs. Her little brother looked up when she entered the living room, and so did her father.
"James, seriously?" Her dad said. "I know we gave you boys name, but wasn't cutting your hair enough for you?"
"Nope." James responded. "Come on Dan."
"Dad's right, J, you look like a boy." Dan said as he picked up his bag.
"Come on, let's not be late, bye dad" James called out as she opened the door. Dan hurried behind her and soon they reached their friends car.
"Not a word." James said as she climbed in next to Inez, Dan following suit.
"That is what you're wearing to the first day of highschool?" Will asked
"What part of not a word don't you understand?" James asked Inez's older brother. Will sighed before starting the car, James rolled her eyes in response.
"I think you look great." Cody, the youngest of Inez's brothers, said from shotgun.
"Thank you." James said with a smile.
...
When Will pulled up to the High School James had to take a deep breath. This is it, the start of, well, everything. At least that's how it felt. Getting out and walking in with Inez it felt like everyone was watching.
"I'm so glad we're in the same homeroom." Inez said as they trecked the halls, which didn't at all feel intimidating. Be strong, James reminded herself. Afterall who cares what happens here. It will all be forgotten in five years anyway. Or so she thought.
...
James saw her as soon and she walked in the room. How could she not. Even after eight years Betty's smile was fixed in her brain. She walked over, not sure how Betty would react.
"Betty?" James said sitting in the seat next to her. Betty turned and James was met with blue eyes that put the sky to shame.
"James?" Betty responded. James smiled, she remembered her.
"Fancy seeing you here." She said.
"I know right? What classes are you taking?" Betty asked her. They continue to talk, just like no time had passed since the summer they spent together, until their teacher came in.
...
"We should head to algebra together." James suggested after the bell had rung signalling the end on the period.
"Sure." Betty agreed slinging her bag on her back. James couldn't help but stare at this grown version of her childhood friend. Betty's curly blonde hair fell in light curls past her shoulders, a contrast to James' choppy brown mess. Her outfit was feminine but simple, a green crop top that brought out her eyes and simple blue skinny jeans. James couldn't help but believe that the universe had brought them back together somehow. As if they were connected by some invisible string. If there is something tying them together, James thought, then it must be made of gold.

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Unlike James, Betty had been exited to go back to school. It was a way for her to get away from her father. She'd been shocked when she first saw James, who looked almost exactly as she remembered just less masculine, even with the outfit of a teenage boy. As they walked to algebra she couldn't help but feel anxious. What if James didn't like her anymore? Afterall, they had been kids when they were friends and a lot had changed. At least James seemed interested in her, despite still standing out against the crowd while Betty fit in everyway she could. Her outfit was bland not to mention her hair and personality. They reach Algebra and sit at desks next to each other.
"Are you any good at math?" James asked.
"No." Betty said honestly, hoping that it wouldn't make James think that she fit the dumb blonde stereotype. She wasn't a straight A student but she definitely wasn't dumb getting mostly B's with a few A's and C's in the mix. As the day goes on and she spends time with her friends from middle school Betty can't help but feel self conscious. James had seemed so sure of herself especially compared to Betty. She had always felt like fitting in was easier, especially in recent years. So she put on a mask. Tried to reflect what she thought other people wanted to see from her. Sort of like a mirrorball. Even her hobbies were more dictated by what people would expect from her, especially dance. She was very much a people pleaser. If she was a circus act it would peobably be the trapeze, everyones favourite but let's be honest probably not the most exiting or creative act of them all. It was all probably to protect herself. Afterall, fitting in was sort of like an invisibility cloak and If she had an invisibility cloak then nobody would find out that her father was abusive, she'd have nice normal friends and everything would be okay.
...
As the year progressed Betty continued to find herself getting closer to James. The weekends she didn't spend at dance, she spent with her. They hung out near the lake, Betty showing James her dances. She founds herself opening up to her as James sat listening, quietly tossing stones into the waves that lightly crashed at their feat. They told each other jokes as they walked back to the town and Betty came to long for.James' laugh. It Filled the air with a sound so full of life. Betty could never laugh the way James did. It was nice, to have someone to go to, hang out with, so that she could avoid her father. She even started working harder at school, in the hopes that maybe something would click and she'd be able to take AP lit or maybe even AP US history with James when they were sophomores. By the end of the year she didn't have a single C, even in algebra.

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Betty quickly shut the door behind her and stept out into the July night, face still throbing with pain. She had feared that the summer between freshman and sophomore year would be like this. All of her friends were on vacation or didn't want to get together unless the whole group was involved so the only person she really had to rely on was James. She decided to head to James' house and hope she'd be let in.
It scared her when her dad was like this. So much more than she would ever admit. She felt like she was worthless. Broken. Like something to be discarded under the bed and never looked at again. The walk felt long and the stars that covered the sky above her did nothing to settle her nerves like they usually would. Even the silver glow of the moon against her golden hair felt erie that night.
But eventually she made it. She knocked on James' window and waited for her to hear. A minute later the window slid up and Betty climbed through into the warmly lit bedroom. It looked the same as always, work strewn across the desk, bed unmade. The wall was still littered with posters of girls, not a boy in sight, which Betty had appreciated since the first time she noticed. It helped remind her that the world was still turning.
"Are you okay?" James asked before wiping away a tear that Betty hadn't even realised was there.
"I'm fine." Betty insisted. "My dad was just..."
"Being an ass?" James finished. Betty nodded.
"Yeah." Betty confirmed.
"He hit you?" James asked. Betty didn't answer, just looked her in the eyes. It was then that it hit her, looking into familiar blue eyes. James meant more than anyone ever had. Maybe more than anyone ever would.
"Can we just...hang out for a bit. Maybe read or something." Betty suggested, dodging James' question.
"Sure. I'm sure you'll be able to find something in my collection." James responded before pointing over at her bookshelf. Betty walks over and manages to find a fantasy book that looks interesting, it's called 'The northern lights'. "That one is part of a series." James told her. "It's pretty good."
"Cool." Betty said. They got into a comfortable position, which coincidentally involved Betty resting her haid on James' shoulder, and started to read. An hour or so went by, the two were just happy to be together. Eventually, Betty put the book down.
"James." She said.
"Yeah." James looked up from her own book.
"I'm scared." She admitted.
"Of your Dad?" James asked.
"Yeah." She said.
"You remember when we were kids and played pirates on that ship." James recalled.
"What about it." She asked.
"You were almost as fearce as I was." James said. "You can get through this."
"Thank you." Betty said. "But we aren't those kids anymore."
"Who said?" James protested.
"We kissed." Betty said. "I bet you wouldn't do that now."
"Says who?" James asked. In that second Betty's heart stopped. What did James mean?
"What..." Betty said too flustered to get any words out.
"I'd kiss you again. That's all I'm saying." James said.
"So would I." Betty admited. Silence fell and air felt still but charged. Her eyes fell to the other girls lips and slowly they inched forward. When their lips finally touched it felt like the sun was shining out of both their bodies. It felt like everything was perfect and for a second Betty forgot about everything else.

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Sophomore year was harder than Betty thought it would be. She was still trying to figure out if liking girls was a one time thing or not. James was masculine afterall maybe it was just a glitch in her system. The confusion wasn't even the worst part of the relationship, keeping it a secret was. She wanted to tell her friends, they talked about boys and love all the time and surely this wasn't all that different, but they had no clue James and Betty were even friends let alone more. It made sense to keep it that way. It hurt not to be able to tell them about the one good thing in her life. Everyone else got to do it. It was hard on James too which made the whole situation worse because, well they both knew Betty was the reason it was a secret. She couldn't be out and no one suspected that she might be a lesbian, unlike James who definitely had that rumour going around. It wasn't just the relationship though, the lessons were harder and her dad...he was getting worse. She felt stuck, like how she was living now would be her forever. Maybe it would. Her dad would never accept her and she couldn't just leave her mom to deal with him alone.
As her sixteenth birthday approached she couldn't help but feel nervous about learning to drive. The same dream came to her every night. She'd just got her licence and drove to the White Cliffs Of Conoy. She'd pull the car of the road and head to the lookout. Then She'd Go over the face of the cliff and fall. It wasn't the falling or death that sacred her. It was the fact that it didn't scare her. She'd felt depressed before but this was on a whole new level. The burden of it was almost unbearable. She had to drag herself to school each day with the promise that she would be able to see James. Keeping up with school was the only thing that felt easier than it should have. Probably because studying was a good distraction and it made her dad happy when she got A's. Her GPA soon overtook even her smartest of friends and was starting to be closer to James'. She was good at pretending. Pretending that James wasn't the only thing she was living for. Pretending that everything was fine. Pretending that she wasn't constantly talking herself out of suicide. She stopped sleeping, sneaking out late at night to go see James.
"You know I'm sure we could find a way to spend time together that doesn't involve you sneaking here at like midnight." James had said one January night as she climbed through the window.
"I don't mind." Betty insisted. She hoped James would forgive her.

James had been dealing with a lot herself. She was worried about Betty as the only one who could see through the act. She knew what was going on with Betty's dad and between them so could easily see the effects that it was having. She waited up most nights as soon as Betty started sneaking over, not wanting to fall asleep and leave her all alone in the dark. Quickly sleep deprivation started sneaking up on her. Her grades started to slip a bit, she even got a B which was very unlike her. Not that people noticed. They just started to think that maybe she wasn't a straight A student after all. It hurt to see Betty struggling so James suggested going to a party in the hopes that maybe it would take their mind of everything. When they got there James had been overwhelmed. Betty had been to one or two parties before but James hadn't. They picked up drinks and tried to act like they weren't dating, spending more time with other friends than with each other. This only made James more worried about Betty. So while Betty was off with her friends James was drinking. At the end of the night when Betty went to find her so they could leave, she was drunk. Which was honestly a disaster. Betty and Inez had to walk her home. They went to more parties but it always ended the same, clearly starting to become a problem. James was becoming addicted to drinking. If they didn't go to a party the absence of alcohol felt wrong. She knew it shouldn't but it did. The hangovers and withdrawals started affecting her schoolwork bringing her grades down even more and this only got worse by junior year. Eventually Betty bought it up but it only ended with James getting mad and saying things she doesn't really mean. It felt like they were both falling apart, just trying to keep their heads above water. But at least they were together.

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"How long are we going to keep this a secret?" James asked one June afternoon when the two were at the lake once again.
"What do you mean?" Betty responded.
"Come on. We've been dating for two years now and no one, not a single other person, knows." James said, frustrated.
"So? James, love doesn't have to public for it to matter. You know...you know what it's like with my family. If i told my dad he would probably kill me." Betty protested.
"You won't die for me, is that what you're saying? Because it's crazy that's what you think i'm asking from you." James said.
"No i'm saying I'd die for you in secret. Doesn't that mean something? Doesn't mean more than some words coming out my mouth to someone else." Betty said.
"And your friends? They've been talking shit about me for the whole three years of high school and i know, i know you've joined in. You can't tell them to knock it off? Explain how you feel? They won't kill you?" James said.
"They are clowns J. They don't mean anything, not like you. If i told them they'd tell everyone." Betty told her.
"Fine. But what about Inez. Can't we tell her? I mean it's not like i'm asking you to show up to prom with me in July." James suggested.
"No, James. Inez has a big mouth." Betty told her.
"Seriously. Even if she did talk, which she would never do if i ask her not to, nobody would believe her. Everyone knows you can't believe a word she says." James said.
"Oh they'd believe it." Betty said.
"So what if they believe it. I mean look what keeping this a secret is doing to us. I can't go a week without drinking and you...well I've seen the scars. We're both depressed. We need help." James said. It hurt Betty that she brought this up. It was hard enough without having to talk about it. Sure she might be cutting herself and going so far to hide her relationship that people think she's dating a guy from her politics class but that doesn't mean coming out is going to magically fix all those problems.
"That has nothing to do with this and everything to do with my dad and you know it. I've tried being there for you. I honestly don't know how being out is going to fix any if that. Surely the hate would make it so much worse. We're in a dangerous enough situation with my dad as it. You really wan't to advertise to everyone that we're sinners?" Betty said.
"Do you seriously believe that?" James asked.
"No. But they would." Betty said.
"What would you do for me if i needed it?" James asked.
"Why?" Betty protested.
"Answer my question then i'll tell you." James told her.
"I don't know. I'd go to war with you. If you were forced to. Like i would literally sit in a trench with you. I'd run away with you. i'd have a child with you eventually, if that was even possible. That's how much i love you." Betty answered.
"So if people say you are wrong for loving me then just tell them that." James said.
"They wouldn't listen." Betty sighed.
She turned away, not wanting this conversation to go any further. A few meters away James' brother Dan was exploring the lake. He started walking Back and Betty silently thanked him because there was no way they could continue this conversation with him.
"How long have you two been coming here." He asked.
"A while." James tells him.

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James didn't want to go to prom. She hated the crowds and the people. Even if she'd started going to parties. But she went anyway. Partly for Betty. But when she got there. Betty was dancing with Kaiden, who everyone thought she was dating. Maybe she actually was. So James turned right back around and headed back out into the street.
...
Outside the sun was setting leaving a warm orange glow. James walked in silence because there was no one to talk to. She felt lost. Like everything was falling apart. Even watching a pretty sunset, she didn't feel happy. She felt alone. The houses she walked past might as well have been empty. Then out of the corner of her eye she saw a car pull up right next to her.
"Get in the car." A familiar voice said.
"Lauren?" James said confused "What are you doing out?" James asked.
"I could ask you the same. Don't you have a Prom to get to?" Lauren counterd.
"I've already been." James told her.
"So then why aren't you there?" Lauren asks.
"My girlfriend was dancing with a guy." James said.
"Shit..." Lauren said.
"Yeah." James agreed. "So I'm just talking a walk."
"Come on. I'll drive you home." Lauren said.
"No." James protested. "I'm fine, really."
"Are you sure about that?" Lauren asked.
"Yeah." James said.
"James. Get in. Let's drive. At least then someone is looking out for you. I don't have to take you home." Lauren said.
"Ok." James gave in and got in shotgun.
"I didn't even know you have a girlfriend." Lauren said.
"No one did." James told her.
"Right. Do you have a problem with that?" Lauren asked.
"Do I have a right to?" James responded with a sigh.
"I mean yeah." Lauren said.
"Can we not talk about her." James asked.
"Sure." Lauren agreed. So they drove round talking until it was time for James to go home.
"I'll see you tomorrow. Our parents are heaving their annual barbecue aren't they." Lauren said as James got out.
"Yeah." James said. "I'll see you then."
...
Lauren was worried about James. Their families had been friends forever, they basically grew up together. So she knew when something was upsetting James. Things had clearly been wrong since around sophomore year. Now Lauren knew why. She had to stop herself from demanding James tell her who this girl is so she could go and give her a peace of her mind. But when she saw James helping their dad's with the food all she could think was how hot James looked. The summer breeze was blowing through her choppy brown hair. She was acting like nothing had happened yesterday, smiling and laughing. When their eyes met she gave Lauren a reassuring smile and Lauren couldn't help but blush. James definitely noticed.
...
As the night continued Lauren could tell it was an act. James was hurt. So the next day she cancelled her plans. So that if James called and asked to meet behind the mall she could. Afterall, James needed someone to look out for her. It wasn't at all because Lauren had feelings for James. At least that's what she told herself.
...
They had to try and act surprised when they woke up on August first to their parents telling them they were going to the same cabins they been every summer since they were nine. The drive was long took the whole day. The only solace that Lauren had was that James was in this with her. When they finally arrived she could tell her parents were hiding something.
"What?" She asked. "I know you guys are hiding something."
"You and James get to share a cabin this year." Her mum tolds her.
"What?" She asked. "Are you being serious?"
"Deadly." Her father said handing her the keys. She just stares at them. "Well go on."
She walks up to the door and find James already there. Sat on the step leading up to the cabin.
"Did you know about this?" Lauren asked.
"No. God knows why they'd do it. It's plain as day that we're..." James didn't finish the sentence.
"Lesbians?" Lauren suggested.
"Yeah." James agreed.
"Let's go in." Lauren said unlocking the rusty door and ignored the undertones of their conversation. Inside was the same as always. Old sofa, table and pictures in the living room. A tiny kitchen. A master bedroom and a kids Bedroom.
"Where should we sleep?" Lauren asked
"I'll take the kids bed. You've done so much for me this Summer it's the least I can do." James said.
"Nah let's just share the master bedroom." Lauren suggested. James noded and they went to put away their stuff. Which was normal until James pulled out two bottles of wine.
"Where did you get that?" Lauren asked shocked.
"I got it from my best friends older brother." James told her.
"Seriously? Why did you bring it here? What if your parents found out?" Lauren said.
"It worked out didn't it." James said grinning. Lauren decided to just go with it and told James to put it in the kitchen. When James returned everything else was put away.
"It's going to be a fun week." Lauren said
"Yeah." James agreed. "It is."
...
That night their family had a campfire on the beach. They made S'mores and told Jokes and stories over the fire, just like every summer. But there was something else in the salty smoky air. Lauren could tell. When they got back to the cabin neither girl seemed to want to speak first.
"So." Lauren said eventually.
"So." James said.
"Did you like the fire?" Lauren asked, stepping a bit closer to the other girl.
"Yeah." James responded, doing the same. Soon their faces were inches apart. James looked into her eyes. She just noded. When they finally kissed in felt like they were back on the fourth of July. James tasted like summer. Smoke, salt and s'mores. Lauren imaged she tasted the same. They kissed all the way to the bedroom where it started to get passionate. They both knew what was on the others mind as they got on the bed.
"Are you sure?" James whisperd as Lauren slipped of her tanktop.
"Yeah." Lauren agreed.
...
The next morning when Lauren woke the sun was shining through the paper thin curtains. James lay next to her. Naked back under the sun. Lauren imaged what it would be like to trace her name there. One letter after the other. She checked the time and saw that their parents would be expecting them soon. She untwisted herself from the bedsheets and placed her hand on James' shoulder. James stired with a groan.
"Our parents will be expecting us soon." She tells her.
"Okay." James sighed into the pillow. They eventually get dressed and have breakfast before heading to meet their parents on the beach.
"Do you think they'll know about what we did last night?" Lauren asked.
"Have you ever done it before?" James asked.
"No." Lauren said honestly.
"Well you always think people are going to know, after the first time. But they never do, I promise you." James said. Lauren noded hoping that James was right.
...
The rest of their summer flew by. They spent the week at the beach either hanging out on the sand or swimming in the sea during the day. Then drinking James' wine and having sex at night. When they left Lauren wasn't worried. James had said she'd call her at some point. So she waited for a call. Expecting it and wondering of James would still call when the school year started. Little did she know that she'd soon be disappointed.

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Betty spent two weeks of her summer in New York City. It was busy, and huge, but that meant she was never bored her entire visit. James had told her a bit about the history of the city so it felt exiting. When she got home to Pennsylvania she called James.
"Hi." She said as soon as James picked up the phone.
"Hey." James said.
"What have you been up to." Betty asked.
"Not much. I went to the sea for a week and stayed in a cabin but other than that not much. You?"
"I went to New York."
"That's cool. Did you like it?"
"Yeah. I actually think i want to go to NYU. You think i could get in?"
"Probably."
"You could go there too. Or go to Columbia, they are pretty close."
"I'm not good enough for either of them anymore Betty."
"You are, James. If you work hard this semester you'd get in. We basically have the same GPA."
"Yeah and in my free time i go to party's, drink and skateboard. You're a cheerleader and do dance."
Betty didn't know what to say to that. James was right.
"I guess, but still. If you worked hard you could go to NYU. Wouldn't it be great to go to college together?"
"I guess."
Something felt off with James. Betty just didn't know what it was. All she knew was that James should have been way more exited about the idea of going to college together. In New York City of all places. She left it alone and the rest of the conversation was normal. At least Betty told herself it was.
...
The first day of Senior year did not start well. Her Dad had clearly woken up in a bad mood and she had to rush her morning routine so she could just get out the house before he blew up on her. The drive to school was quiet. She was looking forward to seeing James and the other girl was on her mind as she pulled into her usual parking spot. Walking into the main building everything felt normal. That was until Inez approached her.
"I need to talk to you." Inez said.
"Why?" Betty asked confused.
"There's this rumour about James and i was wondering if you knew whether it was true. She tells you more than me these days."
"What rumour?"
"Apparently James went on a trip to the beach for a week, which i know is true but guess this, her parents let her share a cabin with another girl. And they slept together." Inez said.
"What?" Betty said stunned. How could James do this to her? If she didn't have James then who did she have? She'd never liked anyone the way she liked James. Not really. They loved each other so much that it probably meant half the school knew their sexualities. If this is true then...well she had nothing left. Nothing. All this time she'd been fighting to hold on and not kill herself...it would feel like it was for nothing. Was their whole relationship fake? Some sort of Hoax that James planned out? Was this a one time thing. Is it even real? The more it starts to hit her the more she feels a weight fall over her. In the past when she's felt this blue it has been because of her Dad. At least it isn't that she tells herself. This sadness feels more safe somehow. Normal. It makes sense. It hurt that James would do this too her, even knowing everything with her dad. She was bullied for it in Elementary school. Her dad didn't work back then, who was too busy getting high or getting drunk, so they could never afford good clothes. Not only that but it made her timid as a kid. She shut herself away from other kids and they didn't like that. The only exception was James. She'd trusted James back then and she'd trusted her now, too. Surely James knew that she was slowly opening up to the idea of coming out, she wanted to go to university in New York after all. She'd won yet she'd still betrayed Betty. Is this why James had reacted badly and dismissed her plan for them to go to college together in New York? She headed straight to the office, leaving Inez behind. She didn't want to have look James in the eye so she had to change her homeroom. There were already a few students waiting there so she stood waiting. As she did the image of her dream about the White cliffs of Conoy came to her. Expect instead of jumping she's screaming out into the ocean. Asking for a reason to stay, to not jump. Only there is no reply.

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James walked into homeroom on the first day of senior year expecting to see Betty there. But she wasn't. As the class began to start and Betty still hadn't shown she became worried. What if it had something to do with Betty's dad. What if he had hurt her? When the class was over Inez came up to her desk.
"We need to talk." Inez said pulling her out the classroom and dragging her through the halls.
"About what?" James asked. "I need to speak to Betty."
"Listen. I may have accidentally told her about you and the girl from this Summer."
James just stared at her.
"One how do you know about that and two why on earth would you tell Betty?" James asked.
"Someone saw you two together at the beach and figured it out. I had no clue that you'd also been sleeping with Betty so I kind of just told her to check if the rumour was true." Inez said.
"How did you know I slept with Betty? How did you know I slept with either of them?" James asked.
"I didn't. Until I spoke to Betty. I could tell by how she reacted." Inez said.
Over the next week it became clear that not only did everyone know what she had been up to during the summer but Betty was avoiding her, she clearly believed the rumour like everyone else. Why wouldn't she? Even if you can never believe Inez, this time it was true. Betty moved homerooms and pretty much any class she had with James. It was impossible to talk to her and explain. James knew it was bad. She'd never done anything as bad as this. In the end she makes a plan to ambush Betty's birthday party and explain. Maybe it would fix everything. Or maybe Betty would curse her out. Maybe she'd kiss her and finally come out to all her stupid friends. If they got back together would they somehow be able to fix everything Betty was going through, together? Or would Betty still have Broken wings? All James knew was that she missed her.
When the day came her hand was shaking. But she knocked anyway. Betty opened the door and James swallowed. Betty had on her favourite cardigan and looked...incredible.
"The rumours. They're true." James eventually got out.
"I know James." Betty said shutting the door behind her and joining James on the porch.
"Yeah but you don't know that it was a mistake. I could tell you exactly how it happened. I was walking on the battery cobblestone streets and she just told me to get in so we could drive. You were at prom and I was upset because I'd seen you dance with Kaiden. I know it was stupid but I'm only seventeen. It's the worst thing I've ever done. The whole summer i might have been sleeping next to her but I was really thinking about you." James told her.
"Right." Betty said. "Why didn't you just talk to me?"
"Because." James said. "I was too worked up at the time and it was prom. I didn't want to ruin it or confront you infront of everyone."
"How do I know you're really sorry and won't do it again." Betty asked.
"You don't." James said. "I can only promise I won't and tell you how much I miss you."
"Ok. I'll come to yours tonight and we can go for a drive and talk." Betty said.
"I can't come in?" James asked.
"No. Everyone knows you're a Lesbian. After this Summer...we can't be seen together ok." Betty said.
"Ok. I'll see you tonight." James said. She walked back into the street and looked back. But Betty was already inside. It reminded her of skateboarding past Betty's house and not being able to breathe.
...
That night they spoke for hours as they drove. James explaining that they didn't even have to get back together, just not ignore each other. Maybe spend a night or two together. But when they stopped at a streetlight, Betty kissed her. It was perfect.

Chapter Text

Betty wasn't exited for her birthday. Her wrist hurt because today had been a little too hard. Now, lying in bed, she couldn't help but think about James. If she'd have known what Betty had just done she'd do the same thing she always did, help clean her up and draw stars around the old scars to remind her of her worth. Trace the side of her arm and kiss her. She had to stop this. But the memories kept playing over and over again. On repeat. Seeing James in a vintage T-shirt. Getting a new phone and calling James before anyone else. Going out to Parties and holding hands. Betty's high heels sounding into to silent night as they tapped on the cobblestone. James dancing under a streetlight, drunk. Wearing Levi's, giggling like Crazy. It was the first time Betty truly knew that James had a serious problem. They'd both been wearing Black lipstick that night and at the party...politics had been brought up. But not just any politics, politics around gay sex. Then all she could think about was the good, James being the first person to make her feel like she mattered. Like an old Cardigan put on again after being lost for years under a bed and growing dusty. She remembered the bad. James cheating on her and then her having to pull away. She remembered playing hide and seek and pirates as small kids. When everything was easier. Well maybe not easier. She knew that what her dad was doing was wrong, even then. So didn't James know what she had done was wrong too? She'd run when Betty said they had to be a secret, like water in a river. Left Betty alone just like a father. Why had James tried to sabotage them? Change the ending? It was so stupid. Like Peter losing Wendy at the end of Peter Pan. They were made for each other. As soon as she found out, she knew it would be hard to get over. Impossible, even. The very feeling clung to her. Like dark clung to shadow. She couldn't escape it. Couldn't even bring herself to care about what her dad was doing to her. As she fell asleep she realised something. James would come back. Stand under the porchlight and say that she made a mistake. Even if both of them should know better, Betty would forgive her.
...
The next afternoon she was seventeen and throwing a party. Feeling lost. These people didn't mean anything to her. Then the doorbell rang. Betty already knew who it was.

Chapter Text

Keeping their relationship a secret was so much harder this time around. James hated every second of it. They barely saw each other for a start, and Betty had started to fake date Kaiden. He new that it wasn't real, but he didn't care because Betty was nice and popular. Maybe he had a secret of his own to keep, James didn't know. Both girls had gone to the mall to pick some things out, to help convince him. In the end all they found was a perfume and honestly it made no difference to Kaiden that Betty had picked it out, just for him.
The girls didn't speak to each other at school. So they had to find different ways to communicate. Using what they knew about Lesbian history and their own secret language to leave each other coded notes in their lockers. They would steal stares at each other in the corridors, their interactions short. It was better that way. Occasionally they would risk sneaking to a classroom, making sure that nobody saw them and burying their faces into hoodies. The weekends were different, though. Betty would sneak away from whatever hang out her friends were having with the same excuse every time.
"I need to go on a run."
She would then race off, down side street after side street until she finally reached James. Who was always waiting. When she did return, her friends would point out how flushed she was. They knew she was keeping a secret. Yet she lied over and over again. Insisting she wasn't hiding.
"You're running off to see James aren't you?" Lacy asked. "I've seen the way you look at her."
"I don't know what you mean. I barely know James." She lied.
It all came to a head around March. A single glance was all it took and James knew they couldn't keep going. Things had to change. It would end them otherwise. That weekend they decided to meet at a car park which wasn't exactly romantic but they had no other choice. They would be spotted otherwise.
"I can't do this anymore." James said. "Either we stop hiding or this is over."
"You're kidding. You said, no, promised, that when we got back together that keeping it a secret would be fine." Betty said.
"Yeah well i wasn't expecting it to be this hard. It feels like we're having a affair. I keep having to tell these little lies and so do you, which might not seem like a big deal but they keep adding up." James told her.
"I thought you loved me." Betty said.
"That's not fair. I would ruin myself for you. I have ruined myself for you. I'd have never gone to my first party and developed a drinking problem if it wasn't for you." James protested.
"Oh that's rich. You are such a kid. Blame everything on me, because it's all my fault, right?" Betty is in tears now and James feels bad. This isn't exactly how she wanted this conversation to go.
"I'm Sorry. I just physically can't do this anymore. It's breaking me so I had to at least tell you. I probably didn't go about it in the best way." James is crying now, too. They simultaneously reach out to wipe each others tears away.
"Yeah, like maybe not giving me an ultimatum." Betty suggested. James lets out a broken laugh.
"Exactly."
"Ok. I'll...I'll try and come out. Not all at once but I'll try."
When the words leave Betty's mouth James can't believe it.
"Are you serious?" She asks.
"Yeah." Betty confirms.

Chapter Text

Betty came out to her friends first. It went better than she expected. Nothing really changed, her and James could just be more open. Eventually more people started to find out because, well they weren't hiding who they were anymore. It felt freeing. So naturally she started to think about telling her parents. It was nearly the end of senior year now anyway. If they didn't accept her I didn't matter. She'd be leaving for NYU soon enough.
When the day came she was nervous, terrified even. But she found her courage and the words came out.
"I'm a lesbian."
It felt good to say it, for a second. Then things got a whole lot worse.
"No you are not. You'll grow up, marry that boyfriend of yours and live a good American life." Her father says. His words sting, the only good thing about this so far is that he hasn't hit her.
"My boyfriend is fake. I really have a girlfriend. Her name is James." Betty says.
"James is a guys name." Her mother says. "Are you sure you aren't just confused?"
"Yes I'm sure." Betty says feeling fire rise within her. She's a volcano about to explode.
"Fine. If you want to have that lifestyle then go ahead. But you won't be doing it under this roof." Her father says.
She just stares at him. Unsure what to do, the flames still burning underneathher skin. She looks at her mother but is met with a look that says: you heard what he said. Fine, Betty thinks, if they won't support me I'll do this on my own. At the end of the day at least she has James. Afterall, being happy is the best revenge.

Chapter Text

After her parents kicked her out Betty moved in with Inez. Going to school was easier now because it was the end of senior year, which meant it was almost graduation, and she didn't have to worry about hiding the bruises she got from her dad anymore. They quickly developed a routine where James would pick up Betty and Inez before driving them all to school.
Finally it was Graduation and time to start thinking about NYU. The ceremony was perfect. Throwing their hats into the sky Betty had never felt so free. She'd never really belonged in highschool and neither did James. Betty spent most of the summer working a job but every weekend the two would head out to the Lake. Sometimes with friends, sometimes alone.
One particular evening they head to the Lake alone to watch the sunset. They sat talking and kissing as the sky to purples, oranges and reds. Waves rippled through the water, softly crashing into the shore. They watch as the the water goes from blue to black, reflecting the sky. Under the moon it somehow still manages to sparkle.
"We don't belong in this town. But by the lake it feels like we do. Like time could just freeze and there would be no better felling." Betty said.
"Yeah." James agreed. "It'll be the same in New York."
"Even if things were are hard there at least we have each other." Betty said the sound of her voice floating off into the night like smoke from a candle.

Chapter Text

College is good at first. Just like they’d hoped. They were far away from the judgmental small town they met in. Classes were hard, but rewarding. Every night they’d be at each other’s dorms, falling asleep in tangled sheets without a care in the world. A year past, two, three. But then, just as they got comfortable, the cracks started showing. It started one November night in their junior year, on a brightly lit New York Street. They were trying to make it home, but couldn’t because James was drunk. As usual. It was harder to control her drinking now she was 22 and could legally drink. Whenever and whatever she wanted. She got carried away and Betty was left to get them both home safely. If you’d asked what the real breaking point was then the answer would be a party a few days later. It was the last week before thanksgiving break and Betty ran into Kaiden. It was nice to talk to him, they had spent a lot of time together in high school after all. The fact their relationship was fake didn’t mean they had no connection. James watched as they talked from the corner, on her second drink of the night. She watched them laugh, hug and act generally like they had in high school. Anyone who didn’t know otherwise would think they were together. It shouldn’t have upset her as much as it did. Betty knew James was watching. Saw the jealousy appear in her eyes, watched her disappear into crowd. They didn’t see each other for over 24 hours after that. They acted as if everything was fine, went to class and packed up ready to go home. Well ready for James to go home. Betty was just tagging along, knowing what James had done just a few nights ago. Lately it didn’t really feel like she had a home at all. The drive was tense.
“Why are you making such a big deal out of this?” Betty asks. “Me and Kaiden are just friends.”
“It doesn’t look like that. What’s your excuse now? Because there is no reason that you should be pretending you’re together. You’re my girlfriend.” James said.
“Why do you have to say it like that.” Betty said.
“Like what?” James asked.
“Like you own me or something.” Betty said.
“That was so not what I was saying.” James said.
“That’s what it sounded like.” Betty said.
“Sorry then but I didn’t mean it like that.” James said. Betty is tempted to bring up what James did after. Almost out of spite. But she doesn’t. They keep driving, snow falling from the sky. She tries to focus on how they gently the snowflakes float from the sky but James is driving too fast for that. By the time they reach Pennsylvania there is a endless white blanket of death. At least it must be death because no one can survive a night in the this. Eventually they reach James’ parents house and they bring their suitcases in. They continue to act like everything is fine despite the distance they can both feel growing. They plan to stay for a week but after a few days Betty is finished. She just can’t do this anymore.
“I can’t do this anymore.” She says to James.
“What do you mean?” James asks.
“Keep pretending like nothing is going wrong with us.” Betty says.
“We’re fine aren’t we?” James says.
“No. No, they are not. You cheated on me again and we haven’t even talked about it.” Betty says.
“Betty come on. I did not cheat on you.” James says. “You’re just paranoid because I did it once.”
“Yeah right, after you saw the exact same thing you saw at the party we went to before you disappeared for the whole night. I’m not stupid James” Betty says. James sighs. The look on her face reminds Betty of a child who has just be caught with their light on after bed time.
“I’m sorry.” James says quietly. “I didn’t mean to.”
“You said that last time.” Betty says.
“It won’t happen again.” James tells her.
“Don’t lie to me, James.” Betty says. “Honestly, I think we need to break up.”
“Betty come on.” James tries.
“I forgave you the first time because we were young and I could believe you wouldn’t do it again. but we’re adults now, James.”
She packs up her stuff, it takes all of five minutes, before calling a cab and leaving. They never see each other again.

Chapter Text

Betty had fought with James a lot during their relationship so didn’t fully know what to expect when the conversation had started. Arguments often ended one of two ways, distance or closeness. Maybe part of her had been holding hope that she was wrong, or that James would somehow make up for it. Be transparent. Try harder to get her back than the same excuses she gave last time. Because they weren’t good enough. In the end she didn’t have it in her to fight. Let Battleships succumb to the storm. She didn’t deserve the way James had treated her. She knew that now. Even though she messed up plenty herself when they were together. The vision of James the hero that saved her from her dad lost to days of pirate ships and giggles.
“You’re dead to me.” James had screamed as she shut the door behind her. But if that was true then why was she shouting anything at all? Why was betty sure that if she died, even years from now, James would be at her funeral? She felt James wishing things hadn’t ended, even years from now, the same way she felt that James would fend up on her porch to fix things when they were seventeen. It seemed decades ago now. A memory devoid of colour, just like a black and white photograph. She got into her cab and felt a salty waterfall begin to run down her cheeks. She hoped she’d be stronger, more graceful. But she just couldn’t. Not while all the memories were consuming her. James telling her she was Brave whenever a new bruise appeared, helping her escape the house that had become a prison. Now the world was at her feet. She could take the cab anywhere. Just not home.

Chapter Text

James is heartbroken by the break up. Mostly hating herself for digging the same grave twice. Not just leaving her feelings for other girls alone. She can’t really defend her actions. She let her jealousy take over. Drive her to do things she would never normally do. She tries to be fine. Sha yes to things she would usually say no to, like dates with other girls. But no matter how hard she tries to get rid of It the loss remains in her bones. She see’s Betty everywhere. In the characters of the books she reads, at the bus stops. But it’s never real. Trying to live doesn’t fix the constant longing. Thinking about Betty meeting other girls. Resisting the urge to reach out and ask if things were different would they still be together. Like if she’d never been addicted to drinking. Afterall, things do change. Maybe they would work now. She wakes up alone memories filling her head. Throwing coins into a fountain and whishing for forever. Enjoying their roaring twenties, partying and just being young. Inez stays friends with both of them and tells her when Betty gets married to a man. When the news of Betty being pregnant reaches her, she doesn’t find it sweet. She doesn’t even find it heartbreaking. She just finds it empty. It would have so much more meaning if they were doing it together. If they were each other’s one. But they aren’t. They are miles away. Not all dreams become reality.