Work Text:
“Being married to a man is not an exclusively sexual endeavor.”
“But in our case, it is,” Adam chips in with a cheeky smirk as he further reclines in his seat.
They have totally forgotten the reason for the interview over the course of thirty-or-so minutes. Their interviews always had a purpose whether it was to promote a record or sell tickets, there was always a reason, they wouldn’t just torture a poor soul like the one currently sitting diagonally from them for no reason.
The interviewer was young, an intern most likely as revealed by his bouncing leg and common string of questions.
A chance to interview one of hip-hop's biggest groups! Wow! How lucky am I!
He expected serious answers to his very serious questions and that's exactly what he was not getting.
Or so he thought.
“You all live in a house in LA together, how do you manage to be around each other all the time without getting sick of one another?” the interviewer asks before looking up from his cue card he thinks is cleverly concealed by his knee that is crossed over the other.
Yauch took the lead, having already generated a quirky rebuttal, “Well, from approximately 8 in the morning to around 11:30, am that is, we are just 3 dudes hanging, but from 11:30 to 4, we are the Beastie Boys,” Yauch emphasizes the “are”. “We take a quick break from being the Beastie Boys at dinner time and then resume from 6 to 8. After 8, well, it all depends on what we have planned for the evening.”
“You know, if we have a show planned then we have to push the steamy 3-way to later in the night, we may be tired but we always make time for each other.”
Not the truth, but not a lie either.
“But seriously, how do you not get sick of eachother? Constantly living and working together?” The interviewer wanted more.
“To piggyback off what Yauch was saying, the 3-ways definitely help us stay close,” Adam added.
Mike, who was sitting in the middle, wanted to find a witty answer to go with the other two, but he showed mercy instead, so he gave a more dignified answer. “We have a clear boundary between us as the Beastie Boys and us as Mike, Adam and Yauch. We know when to be working partners and partners in another sense.” Mike laced his fingers together while maintaining eye-contact with the interviewer.
The interviewer didn’t ask about what “partners in another sense” meant. He just assumed that it meant “friends” but to the three, it was something along the lines of partners, boyfriends, lovers.
“Ad-Rock, there were rumors circulating in the magazines about your supposed relationship with one of your co-stars from your last movie, but you quickly shut those down. And this is for all three of you, are there any dating speculations you want to confirm or deny right here for us?”
The interviewer did his homework. There were always rumors going around about their private lives. Every so often a magazine will include a ‘Guess who Beastie Boy MCA was spotted with?’ and ‘Is this mysterious lady Mike D’s new girlfriend?’ Those articles were fun to read at the breakfast table. They would laugh and go along with it. Accusing one another of secretly dating the newest Hollywood it-girl.
“I just want it to be known, that any dating rumors are not acceptable,” Yauch can’t even say it with a straight face, no matter how true it is. “We are in a very serious relationship with each other.” Yauch lets out a giggle before ending his very serious statement.
They were always talking about it, the nature of their relationship that is. They had the opportunity to talk about it in an open manner as it was disguised as banter untouched by fragile masculinity. To everyone else, it was just good friends joking around, but to the three men, it was the truth. They loved each other and while they did find it difficult at times to balance work and time to be lovers, they have been making it work for the past couple of years. Making “jokes” about it in interviews was one of the ways they revealed the nature of their relationship to the media on their terms. Bottling it all up wouldn’t do anyone any good anyways.
The interviewer decided to abandon his cue cards on the floor and run with Yauch’s statement.
“And how do you balance a 3-partner relationship, romantic, that is?”
“Well I get Mike on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I get Yauch on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Mike and Yauch are together on Saturdays and Sundays.” Adam talked about their schedule with grand hand gestures as if he wanted it very clear how they share each other. Now, this wasn’t true at all. They were constantly together, they did everything together. Even cooking breakfast consisted of Mike on stove duty, cooking up the bacon and eggs while Yauch served drinks, and Adam, well Adam took his usual position on the counter, “looking pretty” as Yauch put it.
Lunch was usually in the studio, ham sandwiches and Coke cans. Dinner could be pizza on the bed with tangled limbs or spaghetti on the couch with backs pressed together. Meals were to be shared, they were able to step away from being the Beastie Boys for just a moment and relish in simply being with one another.
Interviewers usually brushed off the dating conversation but not this guy, he just kept rolling with it.
“What about touring, certainly that puts a strain on your relationship?”
“Do you know how hard it is to fit 3 grown ass men in a tour bus bunk?” Yauch asks while leaning forward to emphasize the problem this has caused them in the past.
Nothing caused the men more stress than tour bus bunk beds. On their last tour, they actually did have a schedule and someone would take another bunk with the other two shared one.
“Oh I certainly can guess,” The interviewer was playing along, he thought he wasn't going to get any serious answers out of them anyways so better shoot the shit and have some fun with it instead.
Once again, feeling bad for the lack of seriousness the interviewer believed he was getting, Mike pitched in, “It can be difficult at times, I mean relationships have their ups and downs no matter if their romantic or not but once we are done touring we just like to take a step back and recover from the constant performing and traveling.”
“And what does stepping back look like for the Beastie Boys?”
It consisted of sleeping past noon and watching The Price is Right. It consisted of noses pressed against necks and hands on waists. It consisted of Adam’s head on Yauch’s chest as he leaned against Mike. It consisted of constant touches and smooches on cheeks. Someone is always being pulled against the chest of another. Someone is always resting their chin on the shoulder of another. It’s trips to record stores with backpacks slung over their shoulders. It's going to the skatepark and teaching Mike how to kick flip.
It's a lot of things and it's also not a lot of things.
“Well we don’t write lyrics or make calls when we come back from touring,” Adam states. He goes on to add how they essentially cease being a band and focus on chilling. Mike adds that they take a couple of weeks to recuperate and do anything but entertain.
Once again not the truth but not entirely a lie.
There is plenty of entertaining during that time. It'll be late at night, after a few cans of Budweiser. The boys are clad in nothing but boxers and white tanks. A random record plays in the background as the boys do their best to sing along with cans of shaving cream as their microphones. They are the Beastie Boys but not those Beastie Boys. In these moments they are performing for each other, not for a crowd of hundreds of people. They jump around and mess up the lyrics. They bump into each other and smile so hard it hurts. Adam will get tired and sit on the floor which is a mess of blankets, pillows and discarded clothes from the day’s previous activities. He is out of breath but is still smiling and laughing. Mike and Yauch dance for Adam and will shout out how much they love their fans, but Adam is the only fan and they sure do love him.
Yauch points as he yells, “I'll see you backstage!” Adam swoons as he collapses onto a nearby pillow.
The night ends with even more clothes on the floor and improvised microphones strewn across a dresser. They did entertain but this entertainment was exclusive and uncoordinated.
Mike will wake up in the morning with a mysterious bruise.
“Damn thanks Yauch, you did some damage last night,” he would say inspecting the bruise the shape of Yauch’s elbow on his thigh.
“Your welcome babe,” Yauch would reply as he barely raised his head from the pillow.
Those nights grounded them in reality. It reminded them how to be a couple. It gave them the opportunity to be authentically flirty and alluring and not in the same way they are in interviews.
The interviewer finishes up with a few more questions. Some were about the lyric writing process and others were about being in the studio. Typical questions you ask a band because in the end, the world wanted to learn more about the Beastie Boys and the group was more than pleased to answer the questions of newly ordained interviewers. In the end, the conversation about 3-ways and bunks would go unnoticed by viewers, instead they would relish over their ability to share song-writing credit or pursue other endeavors like acting while still finding time to be a band.
Hours after the cue cards are discarded, the interviewer is seated at some seedy bar surrounded by anyone who was willing to listen to him recollect the time he interviewed the Beastie Boys, said boys were on the other side of LA.
“Why do I only get Mike for two days while you get him for three?”
“Yea but they are weekend days, so no work equals more time together”
“Oh”