Chapter Text
"...Nishio s-senpai...?" The name had flown past my lips before I had a chance to process what I'd actually seen, but a second look confirmed there was no mistaking the familiar face under the serpents mask. But, it... It couldn't be, because that would mean...
I gripped the different colored stands of my hair, and tugged on them roughly in confusion and pain. I did not even know this person, but, somehow, I did know he was someone important to me that I'd merely forgotten. Another wave of pain hit me like a gunshot to my head, and I fell to my knees, yelping in agony. I distantly heard Mutsuki and Shirazu call out, but I was already beyond understanding them.
Against my will, my shattered mind transported me from the fight, and back to when I was in cochlea, where I could see myself so clearly as if it was happening all over again. I could feel the itchy white gown I had worn, I could see the piles and piles of books that kept me from the brink of insanity... Smell the horrible concoction I forced down to keep... Him... At bay... Everything came crashing back, but most importantly, one. Single. Moment.
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"Let.. Me... OUT!" I screamed, feeling the agonizing sensation of own my vocal cords stretch and rip with the force, but I was too focused on my current mission. I HAD to get out. To save them. Touka, Hinami, Mr. Yoshimura, Nishiki, Mr. And Ms Irimi, Banjou and the others, and even Tsukiyama... Hide...
With the fresh thoughts of my friends in danger, hurt, or worse, I attacked the door with new ferocity, my damaged voice reaching new levels, and I could only hope it carried far enough to attract the attention of any nearby investigators. I wanted them to know I wouldn't go down without a fight, that they would have to stop me from breaking down the fucking door!
I could feel my own fingernails breaking as I clawed at the barier between me and freedom, and the blood that soaked my hands. I could have been able to see this, if I hadn't just torn out my very eyes not minuets ago, trying to rid myself of the images of madness coursing through my mind.
"LetmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmEOUTLETMEOUT!!!" I chanted endlessly, throwing my food to the other side of my room to make way for my total and complete meltdown.
"Special class Arima, you must not enter!" The warden shouted, catching me off guard, and I heard the door to my cell fly open, banging and echoing against the empty walls. It was then my yells suddenly died in my throat, and I felt a terrifyingly familiar presence just inches from me, accompanied by the chill and scent of death and decay.
The shinigami of the CCG.
The one who took me here.
The one who took my eyes.
The only one keeping me in this place.
Even though I hadden't eaten anything in a very, very long time, I had an overwhelming urge to kill the man before me. More powerful than anything I had ever felt before in my nineteen years. Even more powerful than my own will to survive. But despite all this, I had no strength, and I was powerless to kneel before him as I felt his face move closer to my own, quietly uttering those fateful words that had ended my life as I knew it.
"They are dead."
I stopped breathing... What? What did he just say..?
"All of them." He continued, in that souless, robotic monotone.
No... No, god please no...
"I killed them all."
NO!
I let loose the wails of true torment I thought I haddent been holding back until now, and shrieked for all I was worth at the unfairness of the world. How could he!? They... They were my friends!
I screamed until my mind fully and finally snapped, and with it, went my last remaining shred of self.
Until the day I saw Nishiki.
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A few days later, when I found myself back with my squad, and in the safety of my room with my swirling thoughts, I began to hope for something I never thought I would hope for. I began to hope for lies. That maybe Arima had lied to me all along when he told me I had no family or friends left, that it was possible he dident know they were still around... Or he intentionally kept it from me. And judging by the unexpected memory, I had a sinking feeling it was the latter. But even so, I knew I had to trust that he had a reason, so I decided then and there to act as if nothing had happened. To keep up the act until more information came to light. Through my own memories, or from him. Either way, I was bound to get the truth one way or another, and I wasent sure that was what I ultimately wanted for myself as Sasaki Haise. But it wasent just about me anymore.
Ever since I had met the man behind the mask, I felt a stirring within myself that I had never felt before, and I was pretty sure it was the past me. truthfully, I was terrified of meeting him, of him taking over. That being said, I still felt it was my obligation to find out more about my past life, for me and for him. So that is what I decided.
I had gained a part of the old me back that day, and for better of worse, I knew it would stay until I was whole. Until either I was pushed from this body, or given permission to keep it...
I suddenly shook my head, my light tipped bangs brushing against my forehead as I cleared away my dark thoughts for the night. I realized, that for now, I was focusing on the wrong things. Only a few days ago, I witnessed proof with my own eyes that maybe I wasent really alone in this world.
That maybe people from my past could still be alive.
That maybe they're really still here.
And that, gave me a reason to live.