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In hindsight, alcohol shouldn’t have made its way to the museum. Larry is still mortified by what he’d done the previous night; he’d seen the photos (taken by Ahkmenrah), the videos (again, by Ahkmenrah) and Jedediah and Octavius have been quoting his words at him all night. It’s ridiculous, and Larry really shouldn’t have brought the alcohol.
But look, they have to celebrate somehow, right? Weddings were the epitome of love and whatever, and this is the only time Jedediah and Octavius are ever going to get married, and Larry had wanted to celebrate… with alcohol…
Yeah, alright, it wasn’t exactly the best idea he’s ever had. It was second (and yes, Larry has labelled every bad idea he’s ever had) to the Lime Incident. Capital letters, yes… at least no one makes fun of him for it. (If they ever knew it was him—the only person that had been there was him, and he’d seen the aftermath, and he’s never coming forward. Of course, they’re going to be really confused about what the Lime Incident is if they ever find his damn list…)
Still. Larry didn’t know his tolerance of alcohol was that… bad, honestly…
Jedediah looks uncharacteristically serious, looking up at him with his arms folded. Crouching down so he’s eye-level with Jedediah, he says, “You look pretty serious there, Jed. What’s the matter? Have your people caused a ruckus? Are the Mayans out? Are the Romans being—?”
“Ain’t nothin’ like that, Gigantor,” Jedediah waves at him dismissively. “Why d’ y’all think it has t’ be some emergency? I can—” he frowns, furrowing his brows and reaffirms his stance, shifting his hip. “Look, Octavius an’ I—we’re thinkin’ that—aw, hell,” he mutters, glaring at the ground, his cheeks flushing a bit, “I don’ think I’ve ever had ‘ta say it aloud, b’fore—but we been thinkin’ of havin’ a… a weddin’ if ya will.”
Larry stares down at Jedediah for a moment, completely bewildered. Why a wedding? Weren’t they content to watch weddings on youtube? Wait, why do they even want a wedding? Who’s the wedding for? What’s the wedding for? He knits his brows and mouth together, a look of complete concentration overriding his features. “Who’s the wedding for?” he asks slowly.
Well, that didn’t go over well, because Jedediah puffs up and scowls at him. “Our weddin’! What’re ya, deaf?!”
Our? But wouldn’t that mean… but… what…? “What..? Who are you two getting married to? Who’s the priest? Who’s the ring bearers? Why do you want a wedding—”
Jedediah explodes and points a finger at Larry. “Now looky here, Octavius an’ I are gettin’ married together—to each other! Are ya deaf as well as blind?! I thought the whole museum knew! Teddy keeps gigglin’ and Sacagawea keeps makin’ comments! Ya haven’t noticed that?!”
Honestly? No. “Alright, but who’d be the priest?”
“Why d’ya think I called ya here, Gigantor? Just t’ yell at ya? We’re askin’ you t’ be the priest for this shinding.”
God help him, Larry thinks. “Fine—when’s the wedding?”
It’s only a couple of hours later that Larry finds it distinctly odd that Octavius wasn’t there with Jedediah to help set up the ‘wedding’ plans. Of course, he doesn’t have much time to think about it, because the rest of the night is a blur of him looking after the rest of the exhibits.
Larry has to pull a couple of strings for the alcohol—what wedding wasn’t complete without a bit of alcohol?—and the little suits for the two grooms. Obviously, Larry has no idea if they are even going to wear suits, but it’s the thought that counts, right? But he does get everything needed for a wedding—even the little, almost miniscule, little rings. He hopes McPhee doesn’t pay that much close attention to the miniatures, otherwise he’s going to ask why there’s little wedding rings there.
And he has to hope that the children aren’t all that interested, either, because he doesn’t know what he’s going to say if they ask who they’re married to.
In the front entrance to the museum, there’s punch, the alter, some foods, and everything else, and while Larry is looking at the two little men in suits, he thinks it’s honestly adorable. He’s never going to say anything about it, though; one of them might put their swords in his skin, and he’s not really ready for that just yet.
While they’re having speeches about the wedding, Larry inconspicuously takes a few sips of some of the beer he’d smuggled in earlier.
“Do you, Jedediah Smith, take Octavius Gaius to have and to hold, and to cherish each other forever, in sickness and in health?” Larry asks, stumbling a bit over the wording. Hey, he’s not a priest, he has no idea what the words even are. He ignores the slight glare he receives from Jedediah. So he didn’t get the whole thing right, sue him. He’s trying his best, what with the whole fucking museum becoming alive.
“I do,” Jedediah says, smiling. Octavius smiles, a small little smile back.
“And do you, Octavius Gaius, take Jedediah Smith to have and to hold, and to cherish forever, in sickness and in health?”
“I do, my liege,” Octavius replies, then blushes. “I—I mean, I do.”
Ahhh, he’s become so used to saying ‘my liege’ to Larry that it had popped out on accident. So adorable.
“You may kiss the groom,” he intones, and politely looks away while they kiss.
“Ah, love,” Larry says, loud enough for the two miniatures to hear. They look up at him curiously from their slow dance, each shooting each other a confused look before giving him their full attention. “I remember when I fell in love with Erika… of course, that didn’t last long,” he laughs heartily, grinning at the both of them. “L-o-v-e,” he spells out, still smiling at them, “L is for life, and what is life without love?”
“Larry, I believe you might be a bit intoxicated!” Octavius calls up at him.
Jedediah, instead, merely replies to Larry’s question: “Life without love is jus’ borin’; no passion, no nothin’.”
Larry continues on, as if he hasn’t even heard them, “O is for ‘oh, wow’! Because this is the weirdest thing I think I’ve ever done,” he muses, looking up and catching Ahkmenrah’s eye from across the room. “V is for the… really surprising events of the last few days. I’m completely fine with being called a priest without actually being a priest and making a complete ass of myself, by the way. It’s totally cool, guys.”
Jedediah looks over to Octavius, with a raised eyebrow. He opens his mouth to speak, when he’s interrupted by Larry, who continues on, oblivious.
“E is for how extremely normal I find it that you two are together.”
Octavius puffs up in his suit, looking honestly offended. “And what do you mean by that, Larry?” he demands.
Jedediah rolls his eyes. “Gigantor didn’ mean it, Octie. He’s jus’ bein’…” he waves a hand at Larry, who’s become fascinated by Ahkmenrah, staring almost creepily at him. “Y’know… weird.”
Jedediah and Octavius slow dance, Jedediah’s hands on Octavius’s hips, and Octavius’s arms around Jedediah’s neck. Octavius leans in for a kiss while they’re slow dancing and they each smile, before the moment is ruined by Larry’s appearance. Jedediah groans and pulls away to give the larger man the stink eye.
“What d’ya want now?” he demands.
“Nothing, I just wanted to say how adorable I think you two are—” he pauses, “well, not as adorable as Ahkmenrah, of course, but that’s—”
Jedediah gets a glint in his eye and yells at him: “What is love, Gigantor?”
Utterly befuddled, Larry replies looking at him oddly, “Love is weird and I love it,” his eyes then mist over slightly. “I also love Ahkmenrah and maaaan…” he sighs wistfully. “Love, man.”
Octavius shakes slightly, trying to hold in his laughter. Obviously, the man hasn’t a clue that he has a small crush. He’s not about to divulge the information, either. Turning towards Jedediah and seeing the smirk on the cowboy’s face, he doesn’t think Jedediah is about to, either.