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Grim turned away from the place where she buried the lightsabers again. The suns were slowly beginning to rise. She smiled sadly underneath her mask at the sight. The sunrise was beautiful on Tatooine. She was going to miss it.
She knew she had to leave. Besides, she had already said her goodbyes, and she had held the funeral for those who were still alive. Grim turned her head away from the sky and pulled her cloak tighter around her. Nobody could see the lightsaber that was now on her belt.
She walked over to her eopie, who had been waiting on her to finish gathering and burying old aspects of her life. She placed a hand on her nose, "okay, time to go, Akkani." She stood up, and Grim climbed onto the saddle.
Together they made the trip to Mos Eisley in the early dawn. She had made this journey many times throughout her three years as Rue Kenobi. She knew it by heart. Her and Ben would often go together, before separating to go to their different jobs. Then they would meet up at the end of the day and make the journey back to their home. At first she hadn't considered it a home, but Rue had begun to grow fond of it. It was only a cave, but being with her father made all the difference.
Grim reached Mos Eisley spaceport. It would be awhile before many of the markets were open, the suns were still rising slowly. She found her usual spot where Rue and Ben would drop off their eopies for the day. Then they would meet here later on.
She took Akkani inside and made sure she was secure. She laid her head against hers. "I'm sorry, but I'm not coming back this time," she told her as she gently pet her.
She felt a slight tug in the Force. A connection she felt with the animal. She had begun to refine that ability, although she was a far cry from Obi-Wan's connection to it. She could tell Akkani was sad about her leaving.
Grim looked around and made sure nobody was nearby, then she slowly slipped off her mask. "I know. But can you promise me something?"
She snorted softly, as if an acknowledgment to what she was saying.
"I need you to take care of Ben for me. I'm not going to be there for him anymore. I know he's fully able to take care of himself, way more than I am, but leaving like this is really going to hurt him. Just keep him company, he'll need it."
She nudged her snout against her. She chuckled slightly. "Okay, both of you can take care of each other." She sighed deeply. "It'll still be a little bit before I can get a ship or a transport off world. I think I'll sit here and meditate. Would that be okay with you, Akkani?"
She didn't wait for her to answer and moved to a small more hidden area where she could do just that.
She wasn't entirely all that sure how she would go about joining the Rebellion.
The simplest answer was for her to just go out and start resisting. No crew, no connections, just her against the Empire. This option would grant her full independence in her operations against them. This would then make it easier to slowly begin to tear down their progress on the Death Stars and other projects that only she and the Empire would have knowledge of.
It would also mean she wouldn't be putting anybody else at risk if she was captured. Being a Jedi during the Empire's reign was one thing, being a Jedi in the Rebellion was another. Being a Jedi who has a personal history with Darth Vader? That was something else entirely. She knew enough about him to know it wasn't over. And that was without the fact she's personally faced Darth Sidious and used to pose somewhat of a threat to him during The Clone Wars. She wasn't sure how he would see her now that he had won. But her knowledge was still dangerous.
However this option would also be a risky move for herself. It would mean she would be without allies. She had never been without them before. One wrong move and everything could end. But at least only she would suffer the consequences. No more putting others in danger — or getting them killed because of her mistakes.
She could also go to Bail Organa. She knew his role in the Rebellion. And he had done so much for the Jedi. They barely knew each other, but she had a deep respect for him. And she knew him and Obi-Wan were friends.
But what would she do? What could she offer to him and his rebellion efforts? She had her knowledge of Imperial projects, but how would she begin to explain that to him? Not to mention, how she would even get in contact with him. She had her emergency comm, but joining the Rebellion wouldn't be the correct use for it. And she didn't even know if he would be on Alderaan or Courscant at this time.
Courscant would be too dangerous to travel to, even in disguise. And she wouldn't be able to face the sight of her old home. She didn't know what the Empire had done to it with the fall of the Jedi. Was there anything left? If there was it would be stained by Sidious. She was sure of that.
The thought of what could have happened to her home made her tremble. Memories began to swim in her mind. She took a deep breath as she tried not to face them. After a moment she decided to let them come.
She went back and lived through what she had said and done at the Jedi Temple the last time she was there. But this time she wasn't facing it with fear or resentment. She recognized she was in pain. She knew why she had almost fallen in that moment.
And as she realized this she began to think of Anakin. A lump formed in her throat. She could've been just like him, and if that was true so was the reverse. What was it that really separated them? On Mustafar they had been terrifyingly similar, she had seen that now. She had plenty of time to reflect on it.
If she went out into the galaxy — away from this simple life she had built with her father here on Tatooine — would that pain change her again? She would have to face everyone she failed. She would have to go out there knowing she could have changed it. It was easier to pretend with Ben.
She could lie to Ben about Anakin's fate and believe it herself. She barely even considered it lying. He already believed he was dead. With him she could fool herself into thinking the same. It was these lies that made her decide to leave. She couldn't take it anymore. Obi-Wan would learn the truth one day. She knew he would. She had only been lying for herself.
Leaving Tatooine would mean she would have to face the truth. She would have to face that Anakin was alive and he really fell.
That she almost fell with him.
Grim also knew she couldn't go back home. She couldn't face Ben again after leaving that note. She had already packed her few belongings. She had retrieved her lightsaber from the box. She had buried Obi-Wan's and Anakin's lightsabers once more. And she wouldn't be able to bury her own lightsaber again. She couldn't stay here and she knew it.
But she wasn't ready to join the Rebellion. She had thought she was — but in truth it was just that she wanted to. She wanted to fight. She wanted to stand up against the Sith who had destroyed the galaxy. She wanted to make things right and amend the mistakes she made as a Padawan.
But as much as she wanted to do that, she wasn't ready. She thought she was preparing herself for that step of her journey by staying with Obi-Wan. But really she had just been fooling herself. She hadn't wanted to let go. She had let her emotions get the better of her in a different way.
She still didn't know who she was. She still wasn't ready to face the wider galaxy. The only way to do that was if she was on her own. She had to let go of her old life. She couldn't keep pretending she could have a happy ending with her father. That story already ended, and it wasn't happy. But it wasn't entirely a tragedy either. They had both survived. She had become a Jedi Knight. And they had each other. But it couldn't be that way anymore.
She had to go back into hiding. She had to walk away from Obi-Wan. This was something she had to do on her own.
She needed to move somewhere else. But what planet could she go to? Where could she hide? Anything close to the Jedi would be suicide. She also refused to live on a world where another Jedi would be hiding. She wouldn't put anyone in danger. If she got caught then only she would face the consequences. She was tired of other people hurting because of her mistakes.
Her inability to talk to the Council about Sidious and Order 66 had doomed them. She hadn't even been able to tell Obi-Wan and Yoda about Anakin's fall when Order 66 was executed. And when she had, she left them with harsh words she would've never been able to take back had she really died back on Mustafar.
She also couldn't choose a planet where she had connections. No major connections anyways. A world she had spent a long time on. A world where she had made friends or allies. A world with Jedi. None of those places would be safe.
Anything too close to Courscant was also dangerous. It was too close to Sidious. Living in the Core was a death sentence for most Jedi. That's why so many of them moved to the Outer Rim. Less people.
But then again, nobody would suspect a Jedi hiding on a planet close to them. It had been three years since the Republic's fall. That meant it had been three years for the Empire to discover patterns among the Jedi they had found in hiding.
Grim also knew the pattern. She knew where several Jedi hid. She had been part of it — living here with Obi-Wan on Tatooine.
She didn't want to hide on a world she knew nothing about. That would make it harder for her to blend in. She wouldn't know how the people lived. And if she chose the wrong planet then an outsider like her might be considered suspicious.
Few worlds fit the right categories. The Clone Wars had taken her all throughout the galaxy — and yet none of those worlds felt right.
She took a deep breath and began to focus on that. On her breathing. The rhythm of it. How each one kept her alive. She felt the rise and fall of her chest. She felt the Force, quieter and darker, but still full of stars. She reached out and searched the sky. Perhaps this would lead her in the right direction. She let the Force flow through her and opened herself to it.
She hadn't closed herself off like Obi-Wan had. But she didn't often feel it in the same way. After Order 66 it became empty. She wanted to feel it, and she often meditated every morning and every night. At dawn and at dusk. Trying to look for the stars that had filled her life. That the Sith had extinguished. Very rarely was she able to.
Now she felt it again. Stronger than she had in years. Still far weaker than it used to be. Still empty. But the stars remained. Piercing through the darkness remained the light. She even felt it in herself. Something she struggled with at times.
This was the connection she had felt when she had been Knighted. For even in the emptiness there Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Grim had all been themselves. They had all been Jedi. And she could feel their compassion and warmth. The brightness of the stars inside of them. It was the last time they had been Jedi together. And while it was full of grief there was so much love too.
She smiled as she felt that warmth again.
The Force would guide her.
After awhile of sitting there in meditation, allowing the Force to guide her on her way, she opened her eyes. She knew where she would go. It would still be dangerous — perhaps a more dangerous option than she would've considered otherwise. But it felt right. She had connections to the planet, but it wasn't much. It was the connections she had with others and their connection to the world that made it more dangerous. More risky. It wasn't in the Outer Rim. It was close to the Empire. She had gone on missions there (even if she rarely stayed long). She had a friend who rested there.
But she knew the world. And it felt right. It felt like it could be her home.
She was watching Tatooine get smaller and smaller. Grim knew she would not return for many years. She wasn't sure if she ever would. Perhaps one day in the far future. If she ever had a Padawan of her own. For there was only one person who she could begin to train. She whispered a quiet goodbye, then she walked away from the viewport and took a seat.
Rue Kenobi was on her way to Naboo. And she would be seeing another old friend.