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Grim was alone for the first time in her life. She had been lonely before - of course she had, and a part of her always felt alone, but she was never truly alone.
Now she was.
Grim stood in front of a house. Cold winds made her cloak sway and her body shiver. She wasn't used to this coldness. It was almost isolating.
Her long hair rested on her breast, and she was very aware of the small braid she had wrapped around her head like a crown. Absent-mindedly a hand reached up and undid her braid. The extra hair fell softly.
She let out a sigh. She was cold in the dark night, and there was the chance a stormtrooper could pass by and wonder why she wasn't yet inside. Somehow, this felt like the final step. She felt that if she opened the door to her new home and stepped foot inside then she really would be alone. She wouldn't be able to return after this.
Logically, she already knew she couldn't return. She had said so herself, and her final choice had been made when she left Tatooine. Now she was on Naboo, and surely buying a home here meant that she had already crossed that line. She had already crossed the point of no return, yet entering her house would be to confirm that.
She took a deep breath in, and held it for a moment. She thought about the life she had just left behind. She thought of her father, and their grief, and their mourning, and their laughter, and their love, and their bond, and their home. She let her eyes search the sky for the stars in it, wondering if she could spot the suns of Tatooine from here. Her heart searched the galaxy for her bond with her Master, trying to send him some last comfort, some last warmth, before she would never reach him again. Then, she let go of everything as she released her breath.
A Jedi must always let go.
She opened the door to her home and walked inside. For the first time in her life she was alone.
When she entered her home, Grim Kennet died once again. She had only been reborn the night before, when she had gone to her grave and taken the life that was buried there back into her hands. Her intention had been to join the Rebellion. She was never a person who could sit idly by, otherwise she would have never become a Jedi.
Something had happened however, something she couldn't really explain. A feeling, a call, perhaps a whisper from the Force itself that she couldn't join the rebels just yet. There was something missing, something she didn't yet know about. Something told her she had to be alone.
And so she had decided to go back into hiding. She was still Grim for several more hours, and that time was the most free she had felt in the past three years. But she wasn't ready yet. She didn't know how she wasn't ready, her heart burned with a fire from her past. A fire that would follow her through her dreams and nightmares.
Now Grim was dead again and Rue Kenobi took her place. It was somehow easier to pretend this time.
She had little belongings with her. A sketchbook, a journal, the clothes she wore, and the lightsaber that was carefully concealed. These were all the things that remained.
She took off her cloak, and carefully placed it down. She removed her bag and set it down on a desk nearby. Then she unclipped the lightsaber at her belt and held it carefully in her hands. She felt the warmth of her crystal in the Force, and she heard the quiet hum from inside. She found a small box and placed the lightsaber inside. Such a weapon was too dangerous now.
It was already late, and she was tired. Rue walked to the bedroom, not yet hers. She would have to make it so. She got in the bed, laying her head on the pillows, and sleep overtook her.
For once, she did not dream.
When she woke again, the sun was still rising in the sky. She had to adjust to there being only one. She walked to the kitchen, again not yet her own, she began to prepare breakfast. When she was done, she realized she had made enough for two people instead of one.
Her vision became blurry as unexpected tears began to fill her eyes. Until that moment she had not fully processed being alone. She had not fully processed, that she was on her own. She faintly whispered, “I'm sorry, Obi-Wan.” Because at the same time she knew he was also alone, entirely alone, for the first time in his own life.
She got her breakfast set up and then sat at the table. She looked at the spot ahead of her. It was empty. It would always be empty now. Who was left to join her? Ahsoka had left first, and Grim had pushed her away the second time. She likely believed her to be dead anyways. Anakin was…well she liked to tell herself he was dead, but she knew the truth. She always knew the truth. Now Obi-Wan, the last person she had, she had abandoned.
She recalled their first breakfast together on Tatooine. They began discussing the future now that the Jedi were gone, and they could no longer be as they were. They discussed their aliases and the story they could hide behind. That was when she had admitted to him she had seen him as a father, and Ben had replied that he had seen her as his daughter.
She blinked and the tears began to fall. Rue had taken his last name - Kenobi. Rue and Ben Kenobi were not the same as Grim Kennet and Obi-Wan Kenobi, their identities were lies. However, their story, a story of father and daughter, was true. That was one of the few things that had given her solace during that time.
Now she doesn't have that. Now she is alone.
She finished her breakfast and washed her plate. It was easier to focus on something else, a distraction from the overwhelming loneliness. She truly was alone now.
She went to her bathroom and looked in the mirror. The girl who looked back was not the same. She wondered when her reflection changed. She washed her face and her hair. The face in the mirror still was not her own.
She began to brush her hair, going through the long strands. When she was done she prepared herself to braid it. She once again thought about the father she had abandoned.
Years ago, when The Clone Wars still raged and the Jedi were alive, Obi-Wan had been the one to give her her Padawan braid. He had been so gentle, and he listened to her as she rambled on about her excitement to be a Jedi, to be sharing the same universe as him, and how grateful she was that he chose to train her despite their first encounters.
Later, when they had to disguise themselves, Obi-Wan had carefully woven her braid around her hair so that it wouldn't be recognized as what it was. She felt a shiver down her back and became painfully aware of her scars that marked it, that memory had brought back another far more unpleasant one.
Then, in hiding, Obi-Wan would once again help her with braiding her hair. She wondered if he ever realized why she kept that braid.
There was no Obi-Wan to assist her here. She was alone. She had abandoned him. He was alone too.
A sudden fierceness struck her. She did not want a braid. She did not want her hair so long. She did not want these memories. She did not want-
She blinked and the girl in the mirror matched her reflection. Her hair was short and messy now. She combed her hand through it. It felt nice. It felt right.
But it felt wrong.
She looked at the ground of the bathroom floor. She sat in a mess of her own hair. Tears filled her eyes again. She couldn't feel the whispered memories of Obi-Wan’s touch. She was alone.
She blinked them away and stood carefully. She had to clean the mess she made.
She had to-
She had to change. She could not be Grim Kennet or Rue Kenobi. She was alone. She had no connections. Grim and Rue had connections, lives, and a past.
She changed her look, she no longer resembled either girl that she was. She should change her name too.
She didn't. She remained Rue Kenobi.
To change that name, was to remove the last part of Obi-Wan she had. She had abandoned him, but she still loved him. He was her father and she was his daughter.
She was alone. He was alone.
But if she kept that name, if she kept using Kenobi, she would not truly be on her own.